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Katsuki feels dread pool in the bottom of his stomach because he knows what he’s about to do is going to cause another fight. He sees Izuku going about getting dressed, sees him preparing for the charity event happening tonight at a charity that Izuku himself started, and his heart aches to go with him, aches to be the supportive partner he deserves. But something ugly and disgusted won’t stop crawling across his skin.
They’ve been together five years ever since they graduated from UA, and it’s been good, so good that Katsuki always feels like he’s floating on air with Izuku. But then there were times when it wasn’t, when things were hurt and old wounds started to fester until they burn again.
There are times just like tonight when Katsuki just can’t open his mouth and tell Izuku what he‘s feeling.
“You promised!” screams Izuku almost brokenly with anger as he turns accusing emeralds on Katsuki.
He’s all dressed up, looking so delectable it hurts, and Katsuki feels like crying because of the look he’s put there on that pretty face that was just filled with so much excitement.
“I’m sorry, Izuku, but I just can’t.” sighs Katsuki in a resigned tone because he can’t push the words he really wants to say out of his withholding mouth.
“Why can’t you, Kacchan? Why can you never do these things with me? Why? Give me the reason. For once, just tell me why!” exclaims Izuku stubbornly, defeat already tensing in those broad shoulders of his as he looks at Katsuki with confusion.
Katsuki has to close his eyes because he wants to tell him that he can’t be around people who are going to judge him behind his back, whisper about scars he has from saving the world with Izuku. He can’t tell him about the ugliness that claws at his chest when he looks in the mirror, he just can’t.
“I’m sorry, Zu.” whispers Katsuki sadly as he opens his eyes to look at Izuku, hoping his partner won’t hold this against him, but knowing that he’s really messed up this time when Izuku’s eyes close and tears roll down his cheeks.
This isn’t the first time Katsuki has bailed at the last minute, and until he can talk to Izuku about why, it won’t be the last. He hates that he’s ruining everything by not being honest, but the words just won’t fucking come out. He’s tried, god he’s tried, but fear attaches itself to his heart and constricts until Katsuki forces a topic change.
He would skip at the last moment most of the black tie events. Hero Gala, Hero Awards, Charities, even weddings that weren’t of their closest friends. He would miss that all with no good excuse.
“Just tell me why! What is so hard about telling me why you can’t come support me at this Quirkless Charity event for my Charity? Why?” asks Izuku seriously, pleading for an answer, practically begging Katsuki to just talk to him.
Katsuki knows if he does, they’ll end up being here all night and Izuku will have to miss the event he’s been planning for ages now.
“I can’t.” The words fall from Katsuki’s lips without hesitation because he can’t even say what he wants to say, so how could he even try when that would make Izu miss his event?
“Is it really that hard to fucking talk to me, Katsuki? You know what? Forget it, and fuck you.” snaps Izuku as he twists on his heel and heads for the door, already pulling his phone out of his pocket. “How fast can you get ready?”
Katsuki’s heart hurts as he listens to the short silence that follows the question. But then Izuku’s pulling the door open and sighing, “Yes, again. I’ll be at yours in fifteen. Thanks, Sho.”
Katsuki crouches down and presses his hands to his eyes as they burn when the door shuts harshly because damn was he so predictable that Shouto was the first call? That Shouto was able to be ready that quickly? He hates that he knows he is, hates that it’s so clear to him how awfully he’s treating Izuku by not talking to him. But he fucking can’t get the words out of his mouth, they sit there on the tip of his tongue, his heart begging for him to spit them out, but his mind won’t let him.
He knows he and Izuku are different in terms of being an introvert and an extrovert. Izuku loves being out and about, loves going to these events and being around people all the time. Katsuki just can’t do that as much, he doesn’t have the social battery for it, but Izuku understood that before things went south. He understood it because Katsuki can’t handle too much more than their close friends, and even then, sometimes he needs the break of just being home with Izuku. It’s how he’s always been, but their last battle, the one that has ruined everything for him, made it ten times worse.
He was left scarred after the battle, half of his face was scarred and his upper body had raised scars all over. Izuku has never made him feel insecure about them when they’re intimate, and he’s always seen them as battle scars that joined the ones from the war. He could’ve managed with them, he could’ve, but then there were comments made from people around him about them, all of them.
The first time he’d heard the comments was in the hospital after the battle, he’d woken up and froze at the low voices that reached him as his bandages were checked and his room was cleaned.
“So sad. He had such a pretty face and now what? Who would want him now?”
“He’ll have a hard time finding love. Maybe someone blind? But I heard his character isn't pretty either.”
His heart felt like it was cracking because he had Izuku as a friend, he wanted Izuku as more, but how was he supposed to tell him when he looked like he did now? Even now just bandaged up, there’s no way he looked attractive.
He heard the creaking of the door, and suddenly he wasn’t being touched and quiet goodbyes were being whispered.
“I know you’re awake.” Katsuki’s head had tilted to find his idiot best friend, Eijirou Kirishima sitting there looking tired and scarred himself.
Katsuki found himself talking to his best friend about the scars on his body. He talks about the comments he hears and the pain it causes within. He even explains the torn feeling that scratches at him every time he looks at them with pride and finds it dampened to self-hate. Eijirou becomes the only person to know how much Katsuki hates his body, and he’s the only one who knows how much he wishes he could tell Izuku what’s wrong.
Eijirou helped him design a more covered up hero costume when he came back to school. He had long sleeves, a high collar, and he’d even added a hood. He made sure his face was no longer visible when he would be on patrols, and even on an everyday casual basis, he had a face mask and hood that he would wear. Izuku thought it was just to avoid paparazzi, but Katsuki couldn’t let people see him because if they didn’t see his face and body, they wouldn’t talk about him negatively. Most importantly, it wouldn’t get back to Izuku.
It’s no surprise when Eijirou comes over after a single text of come by, and he has beer and spicy ramen in hand. Katsuki is beyond grateful that Mina lets him take Eijirou away when he needs him because he doesn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t have Eijirou to lean on when it came to this.
“You have to tell him the truth.” Eijirou took a sip from his bottle. “It’s been so long. He will understand.”
Katsuki sighs as he leans his head back against the couch cushion, tired and drained, “I can’t. Maybe he’ll understand, but maybe he won’t. Maybe he’ll finally see what others see and leave me. And I don’t want to make him do it because I’m not able to live without him anymore. He’s the only one who sees me as me. He even said my scars are beautiful.”
They’re drunk, they’ve been drinking and eating and talking for the better part of two hours now, and Katsuki just feels like crying.
“Bro, he’s not gonna leave you. He loves you, but he can’t love all of you because you’re not talking to him about the biggest obstacle in your relationship.” explains Eijirou, supportive and serious as always, trying to get Katsuki to talk because he always does, has since Katsuki and Izuku got together.
“I can’t lose him, Ei, and I just know that’s what’s going to happen. I can’t do it.” cries Katsuki as tears flood his face, the mere thought of losing Izuku breaking him. “I love him so much, Ei, so much. I can’t lose him, not when he’s the only one who makes me feel beautiful and seen and like me. I can’t lose the one person who understands me even when we’re fighting. I just can’t.”
“Then talk to him, bro, you gotta talk to him.” sighs Eijirou as he pulls out the fortune cookies from the ramen shop. “The only way nights like these won’t end with you in bed alone is if you tell him why you won’t go to these events despite knowing how important they are and spreading the word when you’re on patrols without him.”
“He won’t stay if I tell him I hate my body. He won’t stay if I tell him I hate how I look and can’t listen to people talk about how they can’t understand why Izuku is still with me. I can’t lose him, and I can’t tell him.” Katsuki starts hiccuping harshly as he cries, temples pounding, until he feels nauseous. “I don’ wanna lose my bunny, Ei.”
“You gotta talk to him, man. It’ll open the communications between you, and then maybe you two can be okay again. But it all has to start with you talking to him.” explains Eijirou as he puts a rough hand on Katsuki’s shoulder, patting him twice in comfort and support.
“I can’t get the words out though, Ei, and I can’t tell him if I can’t talk!” whines Katsuki as he hiccups again, eyes burning from crying so much.
“So, write it down, man. You can do that, right? Where’s the paper? And a pen?” asks Eijirou brightly, stumbling to his feet and tugging Katsuki up with him.
They stumble around the apartment, Eijirou falling twice from his foot catching on a bag and a shoe, and then they finally find the All Might paper and the All Might pen that Izuku always keeps by the fridge.
Katsuki cries as he starts scribbling it all down, asking Eijirou for his opinion over and over again, but then he’s moving around Eijirou to the sink and throwing up everything.
“Bro, I gotta clean you up. Oh shit, no- dammit- Now I gotta clean me up too, no- don’t- sleep.” Eijirou’s voice gets faraway, and Katsuki feels himself falling to the side.
A groan leaves him as he turns, feeling warmth surrounding him. Then he realizes heavy arms are holding him in place, and he smiles as he starts waking up because Izuku must not be mad at him anymore. He’s so thankful for that because normally after these fights, Izuku won’t come home until morning.
Katsuki opened his eyes and looked up expecting to see green locks and freckles but he was met with long red hair and sharp teeth.
“What the fuck?!" He jumped out of bed, throwing the cover on the floor in the process, and it was his mistake.
He was naked, and it looked like Eijirou was too.
Panic scrambles at Katsuki’s chest as he runs to the closet to pull on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Meanwhile Eijirou hurries to find his own clothes to slip on too, not finding them, he steals something from Katsuki to cover himself up.
“Bro, you know I wouldn’t sleep with you, drunk or not. I’m not gay or bi, and I’m so in love with Mina that I can barely see straight. I would never do that to you or Izuku. I don’t know what the fuck happened, but that didn’t, I swear.” Eijirou is rambling in a panic, his eyes shifting about like he’s trying to retrace his steps as though they weren’t drunk out of their minds last night.
Nothing looked out of place, the trash can by the bed was still empty, there was nothing on the floor, and even the bed looked pristine as usual. Katsuki swallows as his eyes dart around the room and he coughs, feeling the spicy burn that he recognises all too well.
“I think- I think, did I get sick last night? I know I was crying a shit ton, and I feel like I remember us going to the kitchen. But my throat hurts, like in a burning, throwing up spicy shit way.” says Katsuki after a moment, grimacing as he swallows and feels the burn of spice in response.
“Yes, shit, yes you did! You were writing and then you practically fell past me to throw up in the kitchen sink. Yes, I remember that because you had been hiccuping really bad while crying!” exclaims Eijirou with a sigh of relief as he nods and starts pacing the bedroom floor. “Dude, we have to check the laundry, I would’ve started laundry because I can’t find my clothes in here, and you threw up. There’s no way you didn’t get me too!”
They dash out of the bedroom together turning right instead of left and heading for Izuku and Katsuki’s laundry room. They find their clothes, sipping wet in the washing machine, and Katsuki stops him from pulling them out.
“Wait! Wait, what time is it? Where’s my phone?” asks Katsuki seriously, a feeling of dread trickling into his stomach for some reason that he can’t explain.
Katsuki twists around and dashes to the hallway and down it only to freeze as he goes to round the corner into the living room. He was expecting to see the living room looking absolutely wrecked.
“Bro, did you find your- uhh, this should not look so clean. I know for a fact that I tripped over three things last night and they wet all our stuff.” says Eijirou with a panic-filled tone as he bumps into Katsuki’s shoulder, wide eyes meeting Katsuki’s when he twists to look at his friend.
“Shit, fuck, fuck! Izuku must’ve come home, fuck! Dammit!” Katsuki is in a panic as he immediately goes for his phone and dashed back to the laundry room once he has it in hand. “Gotta get some evidence, gotta find a way to fix this because he didn’t stay.”
“Uh, bro! You- uh- you might wanna come here.” calls Eijirou loudly, there’s an edge to his tone that has Katsuki’s body seizing before he heads towards his voice.
“What the fuck do you want- tell me that’s not his ring.” Katsuki’s voice cracks on the last word, panic seizing his heart in a stranglehold as he sees the ring that he took forever to pick out for Izuku sitting on their counter on top of an All Might paper. “Ei, tell me that’s not his fucking ring sitting there, tell me this is not fucking happening man.”
“Bro, I- I’m sorry, I-“ Eijirou looks like he’s at a loss for words, literally hands up on his head like he’s hoping that will make a difference.
“That’s the promise ring, that’s- he- no.” Katsuki feels himself breaking, his body feels heavy in the worst way as his chest radiates with an aching sharp sensation. He walks over to the ring, his fingers trembling as they latch onto the lightly jeweled band, then his eyes catch on the paper. “I wrote a note to him, and he responded at the bottom… Ei, he responded.”
“What? Bro, what’d he say?” asks Eijirou seriously as he comes over, leaning on the counter next to him, leaving space between them.
“Kacchan,
I want to talk to you about this and about you being in our bed with Kirishima, naked. I don’t want to jump to conclusions because I saw the mess of puke on our kitchen floor and this note. But I need a little bit of time, so our conversation has to wait. I will come back in two days, I’m staying at the hotel by our agency in the meantime, and I booked for both of us to have the two days off.
~Izuku~”
“Bro, you just gotta explain everything when he’s ready to hear it. This is gonna be okay, then you two are gonna go back to being lovey-dovey, probably more so because you know how Midobro is. Happy days will follow!” exclaims Eijirou excitedly, clearly relieved as he claps Katsuki on the back and nods at him. “I need to dry my clothes so I can go home and tell Mina what’s happened. She deserves to hear it even if I have to sleep on the couch for the next month.”
“Just put them in a bag, go, wash my clothes and bring ‘em back, I need some time to get my head on straight because this was a lot in very little time.” sighs Katsuki with a shake of his head, waving his hand at him instead of looking at him. His eyes stare at the words on the bottom of the paper while his fingers fiddle with the ring he never wanted to see off Izuku’s finger.
“I’ll talk to you later then, bro, just give yourself some time to think before you go messaging him with a long-winded explanation because I know you’re going to.” calls Eijirou knowingly, and Katsuki doesn’t have to look to know that he’s leaving, he just lets him go.
Izuku had seen them in bed together, naked, but he’d also seen the puke mess he’d left behind. Katsuki took a moment to breathe, just to breathe, and then determination spiked through him. He grabs his cleaning supplies from under the sink and he puts himself to work. He can think more clearly when the house is completely cleaned and so is he, but first, the kitchen. A deep cleaning will ease the weight on his chest a little while letting his mind wander and think of how he can fix this and make it up to Izuku.
Katsuki knows Izuku read his note, but all it said was, “I’m sorry I’m such a horrible partner, bunny, and I know you wanna break up with me. But please don’t ever leave me, please. I love you so, so much, and I’m sorry I can’t tell you how much I hate the scars that line my skin and remind me of the battle I almost lost my life to. I’m sorry I can’t tell you how much I hate my body now and can’t deal with being around anyone who isn’t our close friends. I’m sorry I have become so predictable in skipping such important events that you turn too Shouto, and I’m sorry I was ever hatefully jealous of you two being friends. I know he treats you better, and I’m sorry I can’t do the same. I love you though,I love you so much, so please, Izuku Midoriya, don’t leave me, please.”
It was the drunk rambling of a man who felt like his heart was breaking, and he had to get it all out… even if he sounded so desperate, jealous, and insecure that it would make sense to be dumped. He’d need to explain himself better, even if just to give himself peace of mind, but he couldn’t say it all over text. He needs to be able to say it to Izuku because Izuku deserves to hear the words he’s been holding back for years now. It’s the least he can do to show Izuku how important he is to him.
When Katsuki is finally done cleaning the entire apartment and himself, he grabs his phone, the phone stand, and goes to the office. He sets the phone and phone stand up on the desk, goes to camera and hits record.
Katsuki sits on the desk chair, pushing it back a ways to put himself entirely in frame, and he takes a deep breath before latching his eyes on himself uncovered and speaking.
“Hi, Izuku. I know this is going to be a lot when I let you listen, but I need to say it now because I don’t know if I’ll be able to push the words out when you come back to talk. I want to tell you all of this, and I have wanted to for a while but it’s been really, really hard to be so vulnerably honest. Dealing with you being vulnerable, insecure, and self-deprecating is something we’ve grown to learn how to handle. My self-deprecating, insecure, self-loathing is not something either of us have learned to deal with when it comes to my body at least.”
Katsuki cuts himself off, taking a shaky breath as he has to look down to the hands he’s got squeezing the life out of each other between his slightly spread knees. He pushes his elbows further into his thighs, and he looks back at the camera.
“Ever since the war, since I woke up in the hospital with scars covering half my face and decorating my upper body, I’ve been dealing with body insecurities. I’ve been shaming myself because I’ve been hearing the shamed whispers from others. I know it’s breaking me, and I know that it’s making living as your partner and supporting you the way I have wanted to do for so long now very hard.” Katsuki’s body is shaking as he tries to breathe while tears fall down his cheeks, but when he watches as they crest over the raised scars on his cheek, he smiles brokenly. “It’s hard because I want to tell you how I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling nauseous at the sight of the scars you call beautiful everyday and touch so gently it makes me wanna cry. I can’t wear the uniform that I keep updated to fit me that was less covered up because of what I’ve heard said about my scars, said about me. Going to events where we’ll be the center of attention is hard when I know everyone’s wondering why you’re with me, why you’re with someone with such ugly scars and an ugly personality.”
Katsuki chokes up, sobs wracking his body as he feels too vulnerable, too seen in a way he just doesn’t like, but he refuses to move from his spot, to stop doing this.
His voice is cracking, but he soldiers on.
“My biggest fear is losing you in any way that means I don’t have you in my life, by my side, and with me every single day. My biggest fear is that you will realize that not only am I ugly on the inside but ugly on the outside as well just like everybody says. You’ve kissed my scars, dragged your tongue along raised skin and told me how much you loved them even if it was a reminder of the war where we almost lost each other. You’ve told me they look beautiful, even when I feel ugly and disgusting, and every single time it makes me feel lighter, better than ever. But the second I see myself in the mirror, the second I go to leave the house, I have to cover myself up because of what they’ll say. I have pride in all of my scars, but it’s so much harder to be proud of them when they make me feel disgusting.”
Katsuki’s breath catches as he tries to regulate his breathing, feeling like he’s gasping for air as he cries and stares at the camera, wondering if Izuku will even watch it through to the end because he knows how pathetic he sounds right now.
“I told Eijirou because he came by my hospital room and heard some whispers after everything went down while you were still recovering. He knows because of that and because I was so scared to tell you in fear that you’d realize everyone else was right. He’s been knocking my head around from the start to tell you, but I just- the longer I tried dealing with it on my own, the harder it became to get the words out. I’ve been talking to a counselor to try to fuckin’ help myself with it, but even then I’m so covered that it feels counterproductive. I just- I love you, Izuku Midoriya, with everything I am, and I’m so sorry that the man you fell for five years ago is so insecure in himself and unable to be vulnerable that it took this long to explain it all. I hope you listen to this to the end, and o hope it doesn’t make you want to run away screaming because fuck, I probably would for a little bit until I forced myself to come back and finish it. I just- I don’t want to lose you, Izuku, but I’d understand if I did because you deserve so much better than what I’ve been giving.”
Katsuki breathes in and rolls himself forward to end the recording, seeing that it’s over ten minutes long, and sighing because he’s going to have to edit the video into segments to get it all sent to him.
“This will be worth it, even if he breaks up with me, at least he’ll know what he should’ve known all along.” whispers Katsuki’s determinedly as he picks his phone up.
“I’m glad you finally said it, but I’m sorry I only caught the part from “You’ve kissed my scars-” because I hesitated for so long.”
Katsuki almost falls out of the chair at the sound of the voice, jumping so hard his knees pop with the movement as he forces himself to stay on the chair. He turns to find Izuku standing in the doorway, looking tired and drained, tear streaks down his face but understanding is lingering in those emerald eyes.
“I-I thought you weren’t coming back for two days? I- I thought you needed more time.” says Katsuki softly, surprised and elated just at the sight of him, but nervous because he heard him.
“I wasn’t going to, but Eijirou blew up my phone and made me hear him out while he talked to Mina about what happened.” replies Izuku softly as he steps into the room, walking slowly, but surely, towards Katsuki. “He also sent screenshots because apparently he told Mina that he’d be staying until his clothes were washed and you settled down because you were crying in your sleep after throwing up all over the kitchen.”
“Oh, I didn’t- I didn’t know he’d even texted Mina. He didn’t mention that before he left, I- damn.” murmurs Katsuki ashamedly as he looks away from Izuku who stopped in front of him.
“We’ll come back to that later, but Kacchan, I tell you every single day and every night how much I love you and think your scars are gorgeous. How could you ever think I would walk away from you because of them?” Izuku’s voice is quiet, but the crinkling of fabric is loud in the otherwise silent room. Katsuki’s head is lightly turned, and he finds himself looking at Izuku as he kneels on the floor in front of him. “I- I would never leave you because of your scars, how hypocritical would that make me? You’ve seen the scars lining my arms, chest and back, and they’re just as messy and ugly to look at to me as yours are to you. But I’m confident in them because you made me remember that my scars came from saving the world that lets me be a hero alongside the person I love the fucking most, Kacchan. I would never leave you, Kacchan, not unless you hurt me in an irredeemable way.”
“I know, Izuku, I know that. In my heart I know that, but my head… My head doesn’t like to be nice when it comes to my scars after dealing with years of comments even when I’m so covered that it takes a lot to see them. I can’t undo the insecurity that comes with these scars and the shame I feel because of words whispered around me.” Katsuki feels defeated as he tries his best to bare himself open to the man who has always tried to be completely honest even when it made him cry, and he feels tears as he forces the words out of his mouth with the fear that he’s going to mess everything up. “I’m trying so hard not to feel like you’re going to realize you could do so much better with someone just as amazing to you as fucking icy-hot, but it’s hard because it would be so easy for you to end this relationship and be with someone else after the hell I’ve continuously put you through because of my severe lack of communication skills. You deserve so much better than I’ve given you in the entirety of our relationship, and I- I would understand if you wanted to walk away because you have every reason to.”
“I’m not walking away from a relationship where I am loved more fiercely than anything I have ever felt before. I am not walking away from a relationship where my love is met on equal footing in the best way possible every single day. Kacchan, we’ve had our missteps, but now we’re talking about those missteps.” Izuku’s words sound beyond sincere, and Katsuki wishes he could believe them. But he knows how much he’s hurt Izuku, and that makes him more fearful of the hope that this could still work like he’s dreamed. “Look, when it comes to Shouto, you don’t have to ever worry about that. You know I don’t see him that way, but even more importantly, he likes Hanta and Shinsou. It’s not ever going to happen. So, get Shouto out of your mind and anyone else you think could possibly “treat me better” because none of my friends have ever treated me with the level of respect and care you do. Even when they tried to respect me and care for me, it wasn’t the same way you did, and I know without a doubt in my mind that no one could ever love me the way you do. Kacchan, I am your partner until you want me gone, and even then I will never be far because you are my image of victory, you are my star, and I will never be able to look away from you.”
Katsuki can feel the tears searing down his cheeks as he pushes himself out of the chair to kneel too, letting his head fall to rest on Izuku’s chest as his shoulders begin to shake.
“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about my insecurities and fears when it came to my scars. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about why it’s so hard to go to events where it’s more than just our friends who went through the war with us and understand why I have these scars and don’t look at me differently.” Katsuki is sobbing as he whispers the words, voice cracking as he tries to convey how sorry he is, but then he’s leaning back to look into emerald eyes that are glittering with tears that will not stop coming for him either. “I’m so fucking sorry Izuku, so fucking sorry that I haven’t treated you the way you deserve but I swear on everything that I am, I will do better. I will do whatever you want if it means you don’t leave me again and you put the ring back on. Fuck please.”
“I’m not leaving you, Kacchan, and I’ll gladly put the ring back on. It’s sucked not having it on when it’s been my lifeline for so long now.” Izuku laughs lightly through the tears as his hands cup Katsuki’s cheek and then he’s sobering up to speak with an intense level of seriousness that Katsuki forces himself to try to match. “But I want to see the first part of that video, and I want us to get a couples counseling session as soon as possible to work on things between us. We deserve better than what we’ve given each other, and we both have things we should work on. We need to be more honest and open with each other and considerate of each other’s needs, so I want us to go into this session together with a list of things we know we want to work on and any worries or concerns we may have. We’ll make lists of it all separately and together. But right now, right now, I want my ring, I want your arms around me, and I want to watch the rest of that video.”
“Whatever you want, everything you want that I can give you, Izuku, I will give you, I fucking swear. I’ll look into counseling sessions right now while you watch the video, and we can get the first available session.” says Katsuki seriously as he digs a hand in his pocket to pull out the ring he refused to part with but hadn’t figured out what to do with yet. He grabs Izuku’s hand and looks up at him. “I’m going to replace this with a real one as soon as we feel like we’re ready, you just say the word, and I’ll get the best as soon as possible I fucking swear, bunny.”
“I know, Kacchan, I know. But I want your arms around me, I want us in our bed, and I want to look for counselors together. Can we do that, baby?” asks Izuku softly as Katsuki slides the ring on his finger and it feels like everything is sliding back into place as it should have years ago
“Yes, fucking yeah, bunny, we can do that, all of it.” replies Katsuki seriously before he’s standing, tucking his phone into his pocket, and scooping Izuku up to carry him to the bedroom. “I did a deep clean of the entire apartment, so we have on the emerald bed-set, and I pulled out the Deku comforter to match because I knew I’d need it, but the emerald one is clean too. I’ll go grab it while you get comfortable.”
Katsuki tears the Deku comforter off the bed before gently setting Izuku down and hurrying out of the room to go to their linen closet in the hall. It’s where all of their extra blankets, sheets, pillowcases, and comforters were folded meticulously, and he knows exactly where the Emerald comforter is that goes with this set because it had an extra pillowcase that he’d left folded with the comforter on the green shelf.
Katsuki hurries back to the bedroom to find Izuku curled up in the middle of the bed, his face leaning into Katsuki’s designated pillow and breathing so serenely like he’s feeling peaceful.
“Hey, bunny, got that comforter. Why don’t you tell me about Mina and Eiji while we get settled? How do you want to lay?” asks Katsuki softly as he climbs onto the bed, adjusting the blankets around them and waiting for Izuku’s direction.
“I want your chest against my back, so on your side with your arms wrapped around me… if that’s okay, of course!” Izuku stutters for a moment, sheepish and nervous before he shakes his head, rolls to put his back to Katsuki and starts talking again. “Apparently, Kiri went into their place, determined to tell Mina what happened to the best of his ability, and she straight up asked him if you were doing okay after getting sick last night since he hadn’t come home. Kiri called me at Mina’s insistence after he’d explained the whole situation, and both of them talked to me about it and you struggling to hide the whispered bullshit from others. I couldn’t get off the phone until I agreed to talk to you a little bit today, at least to hear you out about the Kiri thing and ease your worries since we know what happened now.”
Katsuki waits until he’s done talking to carefully press against him, slipping his arm under him so his hands can meet against Izuku’s defined abdomen.
“I have some pretty good friends, huh?” Katsuki sighs as he buries his nose in green curls and lets himself breathe a moment before reaching back to pull his phone out. He lays it on the pillow in front of Izuku before returning to holding him exactly like he wanted, loving the feel of him against him again. “There’s the phone, video should still be pulled up when you unlock it. Now, I will give you everything I can, everything within my power because I love you. And I absolutely love this position because of how well we fit together and how easily I can bury my face in your curls and just hold you. We can lay like this everyday and I will never get enough of it, Izu. Never have to be nervous about asking for it, please don’t, this is my favorite thing outside of us lazing on the couch together while you ramble about quirks or mutter about whatever we’re watching. I have so many favorite things, can’t believe I almost lost out on all of them for being so damn stupid.”
Katsuki squeezes his arms around Izuku for a moment to ground himself before letting Izuku thread his fingers with his own against his chest, his other arm slipping to fully wrap around his waist as Izuku melts into his chest.
“I love you, Katsuki Bakugou, so much. I’m gonna watch the video, but I want you to know I wasn’t going to walk away without an explanation and trying to fix this. I promise, I wasn’t going to leave you without trying to talk about everything, Kacchan.” swears Izuku seriously, lifting their hands until he can press his lips to Katsuki’s palm. Katsuki sighs into the move, kissing Izuku’s curls before leaning to the side to bury his face in his shoulder and neck instead. “I promised you that I wouldn’t hide when things were bothering me, that I’d force you to sit and hear me out and explain yourself to the best of your ability, and that’s what I was going to do.”
“I love you too, Izuku Midoriya, so fucking much.” Katsuki kisses the words into his skin, beyond grateful that he has the best partner in his life, that they’ve built up such a strong relationship and bond that won’t let them leave each other without trying to fix it.
Their past has always been rough for Katsuki, but Izuku has spent their entire relationship building him up when it comes back to haunt him. He’s helped Katsuki, let Katsuki help him, and they’ve promised to talk about everything. Izuku has never gone back on that promise.
Izuku sighs and presses more firmly back against Katsuki, lifting his bent knees up and humming happily when Katsuki automatically lifts his knees to fit into the space without a second thought.
Katsuki hides his face when he hears his voice start talking, just holds Izuku while the video plays through what he’d just said not that long ago. He zoned out, just breathing Izuku in as the video plays, but he tenses up the moment he can’t hear his voice in the background anymore.
“Izu, are you okay?” asks Katsuki hesitantly as he pulls back, quickly letting go when Izuku starts wiggling in his hold.
He’s surprised when he’s pushed to his back and Izuku straddles his waist and lays forward to bury his face in his neck. Katsuki lays in shock for a moment as he stares down at green curls as his neck and shoulder start to feel wet, but then he wraps his arms around Izuku and carefully sits them up.
“Kacchan, I love you so much, Kacchan. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” cries Izuku into his neck, and Katsuki knows he’s already beating himself up for not noticing something that Katsuki worked so hard to hide.
“Don’t apologize for something you had no part in, baby. This was all me. I worked really hard to ensure you wouldn’t see what I was dealing with because I felt so stupid. Please don’t beat yourself up for this.” explains Katsuki softly, as serious as he can be as he’s trying to comfort Izuku, hands rubbing up and down his back as he holds him tightly. “I should’ve come to you about it when we got together, I should’ve sat you down and talked about it all when you asked, but I didn’t because I was scared and insecure. That is not your fault, not at all, and I hold no blame towards you, so please don’t blame yourself, Izuku.”
“I’m still so sorry, you- you were scared, and I- I just thought- I just thought you were getting tired of doing things with me, but you were trying to protect yourself from everyone else’s bullshit.” Izuku looks so ashamed of himself when he pulls back to look at Katsuki, his hands coming up to cup his cheeks as he talks. “I should’ve known, I should’ve said something instead of getting frustrated and- Kacchan, I’m so sorry that you’ve been dealing with this by yourself. I love you, I love you so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes, and I hate that I didn’t notice that you were struggling. I want you to know that I love everything about you, scars and all, and I would never stand to hear anyone say anything about you in such a horrible way. I don’t want you to stop doing things you do enjoy or want to do just because of some asshole people, and I don’t want you to hide these feelings and insecurities from me. So, we will have to work on a system that works for us so you can tell me when it’s a bad day.”
“We can do that, Zu, we absolutely can. But you didn’t notice because I didn’t want you to. God, the amount of times I’ve down-talked myself for not telling you how I was feeling just so I could ensure you still did what I know you love doing. I was hard on myself yesterday because of it.” says Katsuki softly, explaining himself as he looks into his glittering emerald eyes, bringing his own hands around to wipe away the falling tears with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m hard on myself every single time because I do my best to spread the word about all of your events, the charity events, the announcement events, the gala’s, all of it because you’re so excited about them that I get excited too. I want to share it with the world, even if I can’t be there to share in the happiness and importance, but god do I want to. I always want to. And I am so, so sorry that I haven’t been there, that I haven’t been able to celebrate these special moments with you like you deserved. I want to be there from now on, I know I’m going to have bad days, and this is going to be hard. But I don’t want to miss another moment of celebrating the work that you do with you.”
“I don’t want you to miss those moments either, and now it makes sense why everyone always mentioned you when I would talk to them at the events. They always asked where the excited Dynamight was because they’d expected you to be there too with how you were talking.“ replies Izuku almost breathlessly as he keeps crying, voice breaking, cracking on every other word. He leans to press their foreheads together as he continues on. “I never understood what they meant until right now. You say you weren’t as supportive as you wanted to be, but Kacchan, even when you couldn’t be there to support me, you’re always supporting me. You’re my biggest, loudest supporter, and I’ve known that since it began, baby. And I appreciate it so much, I don’t think I will ever be able to explain how much I appreciate it, but I do, so, so much.”
Katsuki finds himself at a loss for words as their hands caress each other’s faces, thumbs rubbing gently into scarred skin. He smiles until it hurts and smiles some more just because, and he watches as Izuku smiles too, so bright it’s almost blinding and everything he loves to see from this man in his lap crying with him. These are the moments of make or break, and these are the vulnerable moments that mean everything. They made it mean everything instead of letting it break them, and as Izuku brushes their noses together, as his emerald eyes become half-lidded before closing wholly, Katsuki knows it’s only going to make them stronger. He kisses Izuku back, letting their lips meld together, soft but deep and complete in the way only Izuku can make them feel. Katsuki kisses Izuku like they just survived hell because for him, almost losing Izuku was hell, and he’s not surprised at all when Izuku meets him where he stands, licking harshly into his mouth and making him feel loved.
They stay there, trading kisses, Izuku in Katsuki’s lap, and it’s perfect because they made it perfect with the imperfections that they finally faced together.