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It was a quiet afternoon Will and Hannibal were sharing away from everyone they knew. Hannibal was reading a classic whereas Will was amused enough by the prose that flowed from his mind. He was still trying to adjust his mindset to everything that had happened to him. More like everything that happed after Hannibal happened to him. He couldn't just be someone different to the Will Graham he had been for the past three years. Not overnight.
He flicked through his thoughts, his blood tainted memories, like walking across a field where everything looked the same. Suddenly, one random realization occurred him: Hannibal had witnessed most of his weakest moments, while Will had barely seen a selected few of his. Selected of course by Hannibal's hand.
"You've seen me cry a lot of times." He said out loud, but not loud enough and not even looking at him.
They were sat one across the other, like in the old times.
"Pardon?"
"I've only seen you cry once..." He continued as if he wasn't really having the conversation with other than himself. "Well, cry." Will let out a scoff. "I've only ever seen a single tear from you. When you gutted me."
Hannibal laid down his book, taking a slow deep breath.
"Crying in front of me doesn't make you less of a man." He said back, consciously giving a deviated answer that wasn’t like him.
"I'm not concerned about that."
"Is the possibility that I didn't get hurt enough what concerns you?"
"I don't wish you to hurt." He made clear every word, frowning as if he had heard something really absurd. "I know I tried to hurt you once in the past. I tried to get you killed. I assume you understand I was merely biting back."
"And so did I." Hannibal's sigh could be heard in all corners of the room. "We really still haven't moved past apologies and forgiveness at all, have we?"
"Maybe we haven't moved past it cause we never apologized." Will pointed out, arching his lips with a hint of sarcasm. "I'm not asking you to, though. I know you don't feel sorry about it. Time loss, planting the seed in my brain... It all had been in my best interest, as far as it concerns you.- He noted, then gave the thread a twist.- Up until the point where you framed me for murder. Your murders. Mind if we talk about this a bit? How did that beneficiate me?"
"You know well the answer to that."
"Can I hear it from you?” He arched his eyebrows, not bothered to hide his thoughts had made him angry before he started exposing them to Hannibal. “We should have also moved past sins of omission."
Hannibal's chest went up as both the conversation and his breath got deeper. For a while he remained silent.
"I framed you for my murders so you wouldn't become my next victim." The man admitted with a calm Will had always admired.
The coldness that often distilled from his demeanor had never helped make him seem any more humane. Regardless, Will wouldn’t have ever described him as a monster.
"Right, cause you wanted to be my friend, not my killer."
And he was his friend but he just couldn't get rid of the feeling of resentment once he had opened the door for it. In reality, they had never spoken about what they had done to each other in blunt terms. A bit honesty once again wouldn't hurt.
"Ignoring your attempt to humor me, I'll emphasize I never wanted to hurt you, Will. Not even when I had to. I would expect you to know me well enough at this point to not assume I enjoyed it." Hannibal sealed his lips with a severe expression on his face.
He looked tough on the surface yet Will was aware he was sticking his finger right in Hannibal’s core.
"Is that the reason why I saw you cry?" He gave all of the attention he could use knowing that was what the other man loved most.
"A single tear to let a single regret slip away."
"So you are saying you actually felt regret in that very moment when you left a smile on me?" Will shook his head, not following the reasoning. "You knew, you decided I'd survive. What was there for you to regret?"
The Lithuanian seemed to be contemplating whether to divert the conversation with the subtle use of a metaphor or just be direct.
"For a moment, I regretted allowing you to make the mistake of fooling me. Lie to me. Let you take away from yourself the right to claim the place I had made for you in my world. Alongside with Abigail's.” He tilted his head as he let the still painful reminder sink. “It's all the same to me. I was hurt because you betrayed me and I was hurt as I betrayed myself and my feelings. I've always wanted the best for you, Will. Not to gut you. It hurt me to do so to you, but you had to learn the lesson."
"Some would argue I didn't exactly learn the lesson."
"You tried to kill me again in Florence. This time it was me who had to bite back."
"Try, try again." He answered back and they both grinned.
Had Will learned the lesson, would have he looked for Hannibal in Florence? Would they be right there together in that very moment? Maybe he just didn’t want to learn.
"You say regret lasted only for a moment." Will double-checked that. "What replaced regret? What… made it go away?"
Hannibal looked at Will the way he’d analyze a beautiful painting, inch by inch. The latter had never minded the way Hannibal stared at him, as if he was interesting beyond the freak value of his gift. Furthermore, it had doubtlessly helped him grow more comfortable with socializing.
"Love. Hope. Compassion..." He started enumerating. "All of those emotions you thought I couldn't feel." He tightened his jaw as he opened up.
Will felt his ego ease off and his weary body sink in his new armchair. Wasn't that precisely regret? Guilt maybe?
"I wanted the best for you too, Hannibal.” He gazed at him feeling that weariness penetrate his soul. “The moment I heard your voice on the phone I realized I genuinely wanted you to leave. I was trying to please everybody. Do my job and still be the friend you wanted me to be. I gave you the opportunity to leave." He insisted, letting the tone of his voice reveal it still stung him.
He had more or less told this to Jack, but he hadn’t told Hannibal before.
"I didn't want to leave on my own. I couldn't leave pretending nothing had happened. I could not ignore neither the good nor the bad." Hannibal embed his eyes on Will's. "Firstly, I didn't want to leave without you. Next, I didn't want to live hiding from you and last, I didn't want to live a life were you wouldn't care to look for me ever again. I guess that justifies my actions.” He made a brief pause but his listener felt quite speechless. “Just as you cannot remove the scars I left on you, I cannot pretend you didn't happen to me."
He looked slightly upset Will still questioned both his actions and –especially- his feelings. It took Will a while to speak again as he didn't want his voice to crack.
"I'm sorry it's all so difficult." Was all he was able to come up with.
"Was." Hannibal revised.
"Was… It doesn't have to be anymore. Does it?"
No, he wasn’t sure “easy” was the term that best described their current situation.
"Are you going to stay with me?"
Will knew what he wanted to hear. He didn’t have to lie to please the other man. He just had to say it as the truth it was:
"Where else would I go?" He repeated his own words from years ago. He could still remember them. He could remember everything. Even what Hannibal had once forced him to forget.
He got up and started wandering around the room ending up just standing beside Hannibal, who hadn't said anything back yet. Will took advantage and made use of his turn. When he spoke his voice sounded appeased. The muscles in Hannibal’s shoulders seemed to slacken subsequently.
"I have nowhere else to go. Even if I did, I'd still stay with you."
He locked his eyes on the other man’s, not very aware in that moment Hannibal had helped him as well with that.
"To what end?"
"No end. We didn’t end on that cliff. We were reborn into a new life.”
“You said you couldn’t save yourself. What makes you want to stick to this new life?”
“Just hope, maybe compassion... Love, love definitely.” He chuckled. “Those emotions I've been denying to myself I feel for you too."
He saw Hannibal swallow then lifted the doctor's chin and turned his face to look at the little scar in his right cheek.
"I look at you and I see my future, tangled with yours." Will continued, dragging his thumb across his face until he reached that mark. "But you have to understand I also see our past when I look at your face. I've got plenty of unsolved issues, Hannibal. I'm sure that's no surprise to you." He scoffed and stared at his lips stretching for good.
"I'm here to help you solve all issues. I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." He almost whispered.
Damn if it wasn’t exactly love what he felt when he looked at Hannibal.
"Not again." Will hadn't changed his expression, making Hannibal's smile expand when he pushed his arm and sat in its place in the armchair. They were so close he could feel the warmth Hannibal’s body released.
"Never again. And you can always use me for a little therapy." He added, not letting go of his smile.
"No more tricks, Dr. Lecter."
"I promise."
Will knew he kept his promises so he embraced the belief he’d also keep this one as he embraced the man himself. He put his arms around Hannibal and let a sigh hover over the latter’s forehead.
“Would you be kind to promise me something in exchange?” Hannibal asked.
His arms weren’t as tight around Will as his around Hannibal.
“Yes?”
“Will you promise you won’t lie to me nor reject me again, Will? Don’t reject me.”
Will’s pupils moved fast across the space in his front. Next he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Hannibal’s temple. He did this so he could whisper in his ear.
“I promise. And I promise to keep my promises.”
“Thank you.” He said back, turning his face to touch Will’s nose with the tip of his.