Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Pleasepleaseplease tell me you brought something.”

Dimitri, the jerk, laughed at his plight. “Claude, it’s not that cold.” The door to their cabin slammed shut, no longer spilling frigid air into his sanctuary. “Of course I brought you ‘something’. Care to guess?”

“No. I don’t.” Why did Dimitri’s playful streak only bloom in the cold? If he didn’t know better, he would think his husband fed off his misery. “Is it at least warm?”

Dimitri took his time, kicking the snow off his boots before replying. “Not exactly.”

Groaning, he slumped back into his nest, slotting the ‘window’ of his blanket-hut shut. He wasn’t sulking. He was just conserving warmth. Stupid Faerghus. Why did they have to come out to the middle of nowhere in this frozen hellscape for a ‘holiday’?! Yes, okay, so this was Dimitri’s childhood retreat. And yes, Dimitri was like a puppy when asking if they could come here. He should have known he signed up for a long and tortuous transformation into an ice cube. Faerghans really were a different breed.

“Knock knock,” echoed Dimitri’s muffled voice. His husband patted the blanket-hut. “It isn’t warm, but it should keep you warm.”

Bravely, he poked open a hole just big enough to peek out. Dimitri was holding two bottles of… something. “If that isn’t hot cider, then I don’t want to hear about it.”

His husband chuckled. “Not quite. These are magic.”

He waited for more explanation. When none came, he cleared his throat. “And they’ll keep me warm, how…?”

“I don’t actually know. Constance—”

“Not Constance,” he groaned.

Dimitri pouted. “She’s the only one who has a teleporter, Claude. Annette or Lysithea would have to deliver a solution via owl, and that takes time. Would you rather I send them a missive?”

He groaned. “No. Fine, you're right. I want warm now. But you know how Constance’s solutions tend to be a bit… overzealous.”

Dimitri placed the vials on the bedside table and settled beside his lump. “We don't have to drink them, dear. We can return to Fhirdiad if you wish.”

“No.” He could just settle for Dimitri warming him for the whole weekend. His husband was a restless man, though. Cuddling in the morning? Perfect. Cuddling in the middle of the day for hours on end? Dimitri would be bored out of his mind. Unfortunately, a bored Dimitri had a tendency to fidget destructively. Besides, this was a vacation for both of them! He wanted to build a snowman, and go sledding, and all the other stuff that Dimitri was always so excited to tell him about. It was just stupidly cold outside. And inside. It was cold everywhere that was not within his blanket-hut or within Dimitri’s arms.

Thus: the need for a magical solution. 

Sighing, he opened his blanket-hut up enough to prop his face outside. Cold cold. “On a scale of one to ten, how likely is it that Constance's potion will backfire horribly?”

“She's gotten better,” Dimitri defended. “40% chance.” Hm. Those weren't great odds. Slightly better than a coin flip. If they flipped wrong, their whole vacation would be ruined. “Her solutions aren't usually spectacular failures anymore.”

“Oh, sure. But she still has that habit of being too ambitious for her own good.” Having Constance as a court mage was never boring, that was for sure. 

Ignoring Dimitri’s comment of ‘Pot, meet kettle,’ he peered into the bottle and sloshed the contents. No explosion yet. Promising. Popping off the cork, he took a sniff. Nothing abnormal so far. That in of itself was a little suspicious. Where was her usual flare? 

Nothing for it. He tipped back the vial. Though his instincts were to only take a sip, as soon as the liquid touched his tongue, he felt compelled to keep drinking. His eyes slid closed as he did just that. Mmm. To give Constance credit, her creations usually tasted pretty good.

“Well, I haven't burst into flames yet.” Dimitri didn't like that comment.

“Do you feel any warmer yet?”

He shivered. “Not in the slightest. Give it a second, though.” By that, he meant ‘come hold me so I don't turn into an ice cube’. When his silent request went unanswered, he did the work himself and slotted against his husband’s chest (bringing half his hut with him).

“I suppose it’s my turn now. Will you uncork the bottle for me?”

Bah, he just tucked his arms between his and Dimitri’s chest. But fine. Better he do it than Dimitri break the bottle. He did as his husband asked. “Don’t you want to see what it does to me first?”

Dimitri scoffed, downing half the brew in one gulp. “If you’re going to blow up, you won’t be doing so without me.”

“Dramatic. Finish the drink. We don’t want another goo incident.”

Dimitri shuddered and downed the rest of it. Constance portioned her elixirs the way she portioned them for a reason. Half-doses could lead to side-effects. Never again.

“Alright. I’m not warm yet. Take me back to my blanket-hut.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Dimitri, you know I love your mischievous side. Don’t do this to me when it’s cold.”

“Hm, I don’t know…”

“Dimitri.”

Grinning, Dimitri scooped him up and brought him to the bed. He flailed for all the blankets left behind, may their souls rest in warmth. Dimitri did not stop for them. “The potion must have affected my hearing, dear.” His attempt to pout was foiled by a cheating kiss. Selecting a blanket, Dimitri wrapped it around them both. This new blanket wasn’t pre-warmed like his blanket-hut blankets. His pout deepened. “Inform me if you overheat.”

“Me, overheat? Pah. Even with the elixir, I—”

His stomach lurched and he froze. “Claude?” Not wanting his husband to worry, he tried to wave it off. Instead, he doubled-over and groaned. “Claude!”

Vertigo had him reeling. If not for Dimitri’s arms, he would have fallen off the bed. The world spun up, down, and in lazy circles. Pressure exerted itself on every surface of his body. Then, with a pop!, the pressure vanished and he was left sprawled on Dimitri’s lap.

“Claude?” Something about Dimitri’s voice was different. “Claude, please respond. I—I can’t move. I’ll hurt you.”

Hurt him? Blinking, his situation dawned on him when he had to look up to see Dimitri. Either his husband grew into a giant — and the cabin with him — or it was Claude who shrunk. Dimitri’s massive face was stricken with worry, his giant hands frozen in place. 

‘You won’t hurt me,’ he tried to say. What he actually said was “Squeak!”

…Huh. Okay.

“Claude?” Dimitri tried again. “Do you understand me?”

He nodded. Yes, he was still Claude.

“Thank the Goddess. What was Constance thinking? How is this supposed to keep you warm?! I’m going to—I, I don’t know. I’m going to order her to label her blasted potions in the future. No more surprises.”

He tried to reach out and place a hand on Dimitri to reassure his husband. Instead of a hand, a tiny, white, fuzzy paw papped Dimitri. Paw. That explained the squeak.

Leaping out of Dimitri’s lap, he misjudged his body-shape and sort of splooted onto the mattress. His back legs kicked as he righted himself. He was long. Flexible. Stringy? White. Four legs, four paws, and a stubby black-tipped tail. He was very small, smaller than a cat. Shimmying his back, he couldn’t help but compare himself to some sort of furry snake.

“You’re an ermine,” Dimitri murmured, staring at him with wide eyes. Ermine? At his cocked head, Dimitri elaborated. “A type of weasel. You aren’t in pain, are you?” He shook his head. In fact, he felt warm! That was one way to survive the cold. “Thank the Goddess. You’re… Claude, you’re utterly adorable.”

‘Why, thank you!’ he would have said. Instead, he preened, wiggling to show off his new silky coat. So long as this was temporary (and it had better be temporary, Constance), he might as well have fun in his new weasel-y body. Which meant, first things first, he needed to climb Dimitri.

“Claude! Careful!” He was very careful as he hopped and climbed Dimitri’s stiff body. He fell twice, still getting used to his stubby little legs, but eventually made it to his perch. Dimitri’s shoulder was where he nested, buffing his face incessantly against Dimitri’s cheek. “Oh. Claude, you’re so soft.” He sure was! Dimitri wouldn’t feel safe enough to pet him, so he was the one petting his face against Dimitri. Win-win. Though, he supposed Dimitri would be an ermine soon enough too…

Dimitri inhaled sharply. Speaking of that. Hopping off his husband, he sat back to give room for the transformation. Instead of shrinking though, Dimitri expanded. With a loud pop, the bed creaked. No longer did a human sit upon it. Now sat a fully grown polar bear in all its glory.

He stared for a long, long moment, his tiny ermine jaw slack and open. A bear. A bear?! He was almost a little insulted. Almost. Polar bears had to be one of the warmest animals out there, right? Which meant free heater! He leapt forth to confirm his findings. Mmm. It was, indeed, very toasty between Dimitri’s massive paws.

“Careful, please!”

He paused. Dimitri growled at him, yet he understood the noise as words. “Can you understand me?” he squeaked.

Dimitri’s fuzzy bear ears wiggled. “I can indeed. It seems we found where Constance misplaced her flare.”

His jaw couldn’t quite make a smile-expression, so hopefully Dimitri could hear it in his ‘voice’. “Seems Constance came through for us in the end. With this coat of fur, I’m plenty warm.” And energetic, apparently.

Dimitri’s ears perked up. “I’m glad to hear it. What are you doing…?”

“Wiggling.” More accurately, he was zipping a circle around Dimitri’s bear body. “Are ermine playful? Because I’m in the mood to chase something.” That ‘something’ was Dimitri’s stubby tail. “Got you!”

The tail wiggled under his grip. “And so the ermine attacks the bear.” Dimitri stretched forward. The polar bear just barely fit on their poor creaking bed. Claude got four more pounces in before Dimitri managed to lumber off the mattress. “You’re so small, my husband. Perhaps you ought to consider your prey.” Dimitri’s maw split open, displaying a mouth big enough to fit him in one bite. The teeth were nothing to scoff at either.

In reply to that, he pounced on Dimitri’s snout, bapping the big black nose multiple times and then tactically retreating under a pillow. His husband may be big, but that was nothing new! He knew how to fight foes bigger than him. Granted, this was more akin to battling a giant wolf than brawling with a kid twice his size. Too bad he didn’t have tiny ermine arrows to ping off Dimitri’s hide.

Dimitri chuckled, which came out as a low rumble. His cover was bitten by Dimitri and yanked away. Squeaking, he zipped under another pillow. One of his back legs was sticking out, and his whole body was wiggling, but this was just play. Dimitri knew exactly where he was, so he couldn’t really blow his cover. Regardless, his second pillow met the fate of the first.

“You’re going to be the one to wash those later,” he declared, zipping into the pillowslip this time. “I’m not going to lay my head on bear-drool tonight.”

“Hm. That’s quite the demand from one so small.” This time, when the pillow case was plucked and tossed aside, Dimitri made a noise of confusion. Claude, having landed safely along with the other pillows, remained silent. “Claude?”

Sniff sniff went Dimitri. Peeking out of his pillow pile, he watched his husband sniff around the pillow-less bed. Either the bear nose wasn’t powerful enough, or Dimitri didn’t know how to use it, because his husband was stumped. 

“Claude? Where is my sneaky husband…?”

“SQUAH!” was his battle-cry of choice as he pounced, this time on Dimitri’s back. The bear yelped and flinched, bucking to get him off. “Got you!” His claws held fast as he latched onto Dimitri’s back.

“Raaoo!” Dimitri turned three circles before giving up and plopping on the floor. “I have been defeated! I relent, brave little creature. You have bested the dragon.”

Hah! Dragon! “You’re much softer than a dragon.” Bounding along Dimitri’s back, he hopped over his husband’s head and onto a mattress of paws. “I shall take my reward, oh mighty beastie!” Standing on two legs, he reached up and booped their noses together. “We’ll have to re-do that kiss when we have lips again.”

Dimitri snickered. “Bold. I’ll have you know, you fell for my trap.” The paws beneath him split, causing him to fall between them. Squeaking, he was caught in Dimitri’s careful grip. His husband pulled him close, right against his chest. “There we are. I have my treasure once more.”

“Eh!” No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn’t break free from Dimitri’s grip. For once, this had nothing to do with crest strength. After all, what ermine could out-brawn a polar bear? “Trickery! Trickery and mischief! That’s supposed to be my job!”

“Forgive me, my small prey, but my husband has rubbed off on me.”

He struggled for a little longer. Then he melted against his beloved’s chest, chittering. “Brrmmm… very well. I could get used to being treasure. You’re so warm.”

Dimitri’s massive snout nuzzled him. They stayed like that for a handful of minutes. Just as Dimitri was settling, Claude’s patience was running out. He needed to zoom! To go! To run around and chase! This time, when he bolted from his husband’s grip, he managed to get free. Free! Free to chase circles around Dimitri’s bulk, occasionally pausing the important workout to pounce on his husband’s tail.

“Someone’s excitable. How do you feel about going outside? I’m sure I can get these paws to open the cabin door without, er, much damage.”

He froze (briefly toppling over his own face) and considered the prospects. On one hand paw, the outside was filled with things like cold and snow and misery. On the other paw… he had fur. This body was built for cold weather. Sure, they couldn’t make snowmen (or snow ermine) like this. They could run around in the snow together, though. He never said no to a good frolic.

“Alright. But first! Stay still.” Wiggling his rear, he hopped up onto Dimitri’s back. If he was going to run around in the snow, he needed to make sure his little paws were nice and toasty ahead of time. Which meant hunkering onto his bear of a husband.

“Don’t fall off.” As if! Settling into a cinnamon roll shape, he rode Dimitri all the way to the door. It didn’t take long at all for Dimitri’s massive bear paws to work the latch. Providing they didn’t have access to their crests — and he assumed they did not — then Dimitri was less likely to do damage than usual even with bear paws.

“Hrrrr,” he rumbled as soon as they left the warm cabin and entered the cold, unforgiving wilderness of Dimitri’s homeland. Crmch crmch went Dimitri’s paws as the bear trudged a short distance from the cabin. Even though it was very cold, it wasn’t nearly as bad as he remembered. Especially now that he was hunkered against the warmest mammal in existence (as far as he was concerned). 

“Not too cold?”

“For once, nope.” Getting up, he chased a little circle on Dimitri’s back. “This is pretty great! I’m going to zoom.”

“You’re going to do wha—?”

“Zoom!”  

Despite the fact that it was winter, he shot off Dimitri’s back like a spring. Intent on hitting the ground running, he was shocked when he came face to face with snow. And body to body with snow. In other words, the snow was much deeper than he expected. He created a pitfall in the snow with his own body and was suffering for it. Squeaking, he flailed around in the frigid bath of white coldness. No! He refused to fall here! Not like this! Not in the snow!

“Claude. Stop flailing or I’ll hurt you.” As much as his instincts told him to keep flailing, he listened to his husband. Thankfully, that had him plucked gently by the scruff out of the snow. “What did we learn?” Dimitri was able to say that through a mouthful of ermine.

“Squeak!” That roughly translated to: ‘I have learned nothing and admit no fault in what just happened.’ He wriggled around, kicking his tiny feet in the air.

“At least let me get us somewhere that has less snow.”

He supposed Dimitri did have a point. Unless he wanted to swim through snow, zoomies had to wait. His stubby paws didn’t look like they were good for swimming, be that through water or through snow, so hanging limply in the jaws of his husband it was.

He was just getting bored when Dimitri finally deemed the snow shallow enough for his small paws. Finally! He darted off, kicking up snow as he went. Dimitri probably assumed his excitement was related to the whole ermine thing. Which, granted, was a factor. In truth though, he had been feeling intensely cooped up all day. He and Dimitri were always so busy. Of course he hated wasting one of their few free days away, shivering under a heap of blankets. He just hated being cold even more.

Now he wasn’t cold, though. Which meant he could explore with his husband. And play! Which was why he pounced on Dimitri’s flank, viciously chomping down. Ermine were predators! Murderous beasts! 

“You have no idea how adorable you are,” Dimitri said, watching him chomp without a care in the world. It seemed polar bear pelts were too thick for his tiny weasel teeth…

A great bear paw brushed him from Dimitri’s back, sending him sprawling in the snow. Quick on his feet, he zipped around Dimitri’s other side before the bear could (gently) swat him. A little nip to Dimitri’s toes and then he was retreating again. That was how their first snow-game began. He would nip, Dimitri would try to bat him away, and he would retreat.

He didn’t know how long they played that little game before he got tired. Flopping, his tiny chest heaved as he caught his breath. Dimitri, entirely unaffected by all the exercise, just laughed at him. “Done?”

“No! Just, hhh, catching my breath.” To add insult to injury, Dimitri poked him. He was too tired to get out of the way. Rolling over, he wiggled his belly to lower Dimitri’s defenses. It worked perfectly. As soon as his husband’s snout lowered to nuzzle his belly, he sprung his trap and attacked! Go for the snout!

Startled, Dimitri shook his head and flung him across the snow. Eeping, he landed on all fours and took off running. He might be tired, but Dimitri needed to chase him!

Chase him Dimitri did, though it wasn’t much of a contest. Fast as he was, a single one of Dimitri’s legs was over three times his whole body mass. Right before Dimitri caught him, though, a tingle rushed through his body.

Mid-bound, he hopped.

The change in movement startled him enough to go sprawling across the snow. Dimitri yelped in alarm. “I’m okay!” he called, pawing a poof of snow off his face. …His paw was bigger now.

“You’re not an ermine anymore,” Dimitri noted, his bear eyes wide with shock. “Did you mean to do that?”

“Not at all.” They should have known Constance’s potion wasn’t so straightforward. Turning to get a better look at himself, all he had to do was perform a little hop to identify the animal. An arctic hare. Bigger than an ermine, though compared to Dimitri he was essentially the same size. 

“A hare. Do you think I’ll change too?” Dimitri plopped down, rumbling. 

“I don’t see why not. Don’t look so concerned, though! Er, I think you’re concerned.” Hard to tell with that bear face.

Dimitri shivered, then began to shrink. The transformation was swift. One moment, Dimitri was a massive polar bear. The next, a great white owl was fumbling about and flapping its wings.

“Owl!” he peeped, hopping closer. “Oooo, I bet you can fly! I want to be an owl too.”

Dimitri tilted his feathery head, hooing. “I can’t fly, that’s dangerous. What if I change animals mid-flight? Snow is soft, but not that soft. I could fall to my death.”

“Then don’t fly so high.” He nuzzled his husband. “I transform first, so you’ll have a warning. You should stretch your wings while you have the chance. Don’t tell me you don’t want to.”

“Well…”

Snickering, he wiggled his rump. “I’m not tired anymore. You know what the owl and the hare are to one another?” He winked. “Predator and prey. Betcha can’t catch me!” Off he zoomed once more, this time faster than his ermine body. It was natural to zig-zag through the snow. His ears caught the near-silent sound of Dimitri’s flaps above. Heh, good. Maybe his husband would love flying after this. He’d been working on that little conversion, but so far Dimitri hadn’t quite fallen in love with wyverns.

The whoosh of talons had him leaping to the side, barreling towards the nearest cover. Tree! He let out a delighted screech as Dimitri clipped his ear. He wasn’t going to be caught! Skidding into a hollow log, he flopped over and panted. “Hah! Can’t get me now!”

Thunk! Oh, Dimitri sure tried to get him. Heh. Dimitri’s owl screech was like music to his massive ears. “Come out come out, my tasty morsel…”

“You’ll have to wait till we’re human again before you eat me, husband mine.”

“Oh? But I’m so hungry now, little rabbit.”

“I’m a hare, thank you very much.”

“Hello hare, I’m hungry.” Dimitri struck the log again, this time chipping away a solid chunk of wood.

He zipped out of the log before Dimitri could destroy his shelter (and because hiding was boring). The owl’s scream echoed through trees as he darted along the snow-dusted roots of the young forest.

Something crashed into him with the force of a carriage. It wasn’t hard to guess who that carriage was. “Dimitri!” he squeaked, squirming under his owl husband’s bulk. Bah! He never knew owls were so heavy! 

“What’s this? It seems I stumbled upon a feast.”

“You ‘stumbled’ over nothing. I hear you panting.” Rolling over, he aimed a powerful bunny-kick directly into Dimitri’s sternum. The owl stumbled off of him, sputtering. Back on his feet in less than a second, he zoomed off once more, snickering to himself. He was no helpless prey animal!  

Dimitri’s wings were really, really quiet. He didn’t even hear his husband this time, not until he had six pounds of owl slamming him into the snow.

Owlmitri tittered, the sharp beak nibbling behind his ear. Squeaking, he tried to struggle free for all of three seconds. That was how long it took for him to register Dimitri’s new play: ear scritches. Melting, he allowed his husband to scratch the most perfect spot. Well well, he supposed he couldn’t get too mad. A happy buzzing sound left his throat as he pressed closer. Buzzing? Huh. Apparently rabbits could buzz. “I went about this whole thing wrong, didn’t I? All I had to do to catch you was start a grooming session.” 

“Ahhhh yes, yesyes, right there…” He arched his head against Dimitri’s beak, his rump wiggling with the happies.

“Should have known. You always love it when I play with your hair.” Dimitri could laugh all he pleased. Claude was the real winner here! Who knew owl beaks made for such amazing ear-scritchers? 

“I’ll get you back for this when I have thumbs.” Dimitri loved a good scalp massage. 

“I look forward to it. I admit, this is a nice change of pace. Your fur is soft.” The fact that Dimitri didn’t have to fear accidentally tearing his hair out (or worse) went unsaid.

“Brrrm!” Nosing his face into Dimitri’s feathers, he mimicked preening. The feathers, being only a few minutes old, didn’t really need to be preened. Dimitri trilled nonetheless. 

Before he knew it, the two of them were flopped in a pile together, idly grooming away. One of Dimitri’s wings cushioned him from the snow. His owl-husband was so warm! Not that he needed too much extra warmth, being warm and fluffy himself. Those feathers were so soft though. Mm, and the scritches! They had to do this again sometime. Who knew owls and hares made for such great cuddle-buddies? 

Dimitri lifted his head. “Hey. Get back here.” He nuzzled under Dimitri’s chin. “My ears need more scritches.”

Dimitri’s head cocked back and forth. “There is a mouse in that bush.”

“So? Forget mice. You’ll be upset later if you eat a raw mouse, Dima.”

Dimitri scoffed. “I’m not going to eat it. I’m just listening.”

“Well, listen and groom! You can multitask.”

“In a moment.” Dimitri’s eyes — yellow like an owl’s — refused to stray from that bush.

Thump!

Dimitri’s feathers fluffed at the sound. Claude spooked too, his fur bristling as he zipped closer to Dimitri. “What was that?”

“I’m not sure.” His husband’s wings closed in around him. Mmm. Toasty! “Stay close. I’ll keep you safe.”

He nibbled at Dimitri’s feathers while his husband kept watch. A few nibbles later, he looked up and followed Dimitri’s line of sight. …Which was still focused on that dumb bush. “Stop watching for the mouse.”

“I’m keeping watch.”

“‘Keeping watch’ on that mouse.” He tugged on a feather. “What about me?”

“What about you?”

“You stopped grooming me to watch that dumb mouse! I’m right here.”

Thump thump!

Dimitri stared at him. He stared back. This time, bundled in Dimitri’s feathers, there was no question as to where the sound came from. If hares could blush, he would be blushing. It was from his own feet that the loud thump came.

“That’s a sound of distress, is it not?” Dimitri’s face came down to nuzzle him.

From what Marianne once told him, it meant either distress or… “Annoyance,” he mumbled, burying his face in his husband’s feathers. 

“Oh, my poor husband. Have I not been paying enough attention to you?” Dimitri’s beak returned to that spot right behind his ears. 

He grumbled into the feathers, his pride burning at the truth. “It’s because I’m a rabbit,” he decided. He wasn’t usually so needy.

“Jealousy is cute on you, my bunny.”

Dimitri deserved the nip he got for that comment.

His husband was so good to him, grooming his fur for as long as he wanted. Before long though, he was ready to play again. To kick things off, he headbutted Dimitri, knocking the owl over. 

“Round two! Won’t catch me this time!” Off he zoomed through the woods. Dimitri called after him, hints of human laughter echoing through the owl’s hooting. He darted through the sparse undergrowth, zipping to hide now and then when Dimitri got too close.

They made their way upwards. It seemed like a good plan to him. The steeper the hill, the more crags and rocks he had to hide between. It wasn’t until he abruptly had no more cover that he realized the forest thinned out towards the top of the hill. Leaping, he raced to the top of the hill. If he could just get there before Dimitri caught him, he would win! That was what he decided, anyway. 

“Hoo!” 

No no no! He was so close! Hopping between the snow and the rocks, he was snatched mid-air by a pair of talons. “Eep!”

Dimitri didn’t carry him far. “Did I hurt you? I wasn’t thinking.” He was gently placed down. Dimitri peered down at his talons and crooned.

“Just fine, husband mine.” He nuzzled Dimitri to show that all was well (even though he lost).

“But my talons are sharp. I shouldn’t have grabbed you.”

He winked. “Your talons may be sharp, but my fur is thick! I’m fine, Di—”

“Claude?”

He shivered. Another transformation. The potion’s warmth swelled within his chest and expanded. He grew with it. For a moment, he feared the potion was wearing off and he was about to be plonked in the middle of the snowscape as a human. His body lengthened out to the right length of a human. Then his form thickened.

In his new body, he gave a little shake. No legs, and… no paws? Frowning, he wiggled his… flippers? Trying to stand like an ermine or hare didn’t work. “Am I a fish?”  

His exclamation had Dimitri laughing. “Not quite, my dear. Have you ever seen a seal before?” He had seen sea lions. Not seals, though. Sea lions were sort of dog-shaped. Whatever he was, he was shaped like a tube. Rolling onto his back, he tried to get a better look at himself. 

“...I’m literally just a roll of blubber.”

“Hah! You are far cuter than that, my Claude.” His owl-husband leaned forward to nuzzle his face. “I trust you are very warm.”

“I am, actually.” His fur wasn’t nearly as thick this time, but that didn’t seem to matter. His short layer of fuzz was supplemented by all his squishy blubber. “Want to take bets on your next transformation? I’m guessing moose.”

Dimitri shuddered. “We will see in just a moment.”

Not a moose was made clear the moment Dimitri began to shrink. And shrink. And shrink. His whole body scrunched in worry as Dimitri kept getting smaller and smaller. 

Finally the transformation ended. His jaw hung open as he took in Dimitri’s tiny form, one even smaller than when he was an ermine. “You’re… you’re a mouse?” Not a moose indeed, though he got most of the letters right.

Dimitri’s tiny, beady little eyes blinked at him. The little mouse-face scrunched, then a little paw felt around that little face. “Rounded ears… Hm. Not quite a mouse, I don’t think.” Dimitri scuttled a tiny circle in the snow. “No tail either. What am I…?”

“You’re adorable, that’s what.” He booped Dima’s teeny tiny nose with his own.

“Pika!” Dimitri’s tiny pika body did a little leap at the exclamation. “I’m a pika. That’s a tundra rodent.”

“Dimitri. We need a pet pika. You’re too cute, it’s going to kill me.”

“Hah. You just like being bigger than me this time.”

“That may be a factor.” He nuzzled his itty bitty husband. “Is this how it is for you all the time? I can’t help but feel I simply must protect my tiny little husband.”

“Are you calling yourself tiny, my Claude?” Of course there was a smirk in Dima’s voice.

“Only compared to you, my Dimitri.”

“Or compared to Dedue, Sylvain, Lorenz—”

“Ah-ah-ah! I don’t want to hear Lorenz’s name uttered unless you’re using our safeword. I’m of average height, thank you kindly.” He pressed his chin into the snow to be eye level with Dimitri. “Are you warm enough like that? You’re nothing but a tiny scrap of fur.”

Dimitri’s whiskers twitched. “I’m warm. But if you’re fishing for some snuggles, I’ll gladly take the hook.”

“Come here, then.” Scooting his snout forward, he waited for Dimitri to scamper up his face and onto his head. Taking care as he lifted his head, he felt Dimitri hop down onto his back. “How’s that? Not going to fall off?”

“I’m secure.” Dimitri’s little claws hooked in against the blubber-folds along his neck. “You know, when I said we needed to go sledding, this wasn’t quite what I meant.”

“Huh?” They were on top of a snowy hill, yes. But unless Dimitri meant to use him as the sled, then… wait. Would that work…? Wiggling one of his flippers, he shimmied his body like a snake. “How are seals meant to move? This is hard.”

“Just a little further. Then gravity will do the rest.”

“That’s ominous. What do you—aah!” Dimitri’s words were prophetic. Though he stopped squirming, his body was still moving. No amount of flailing his flippers could stop him as his body began to slip down the slope. “Don’t let go, Dima, because I don’t have any brakes if you fall off.”

What started as a slow slipping descent rapidly sped up. His body was designed to slide on the snow and by the Gods was it sliding. He picked up speed and tilted his body to dodge rocks or the scant tree here and there. Before long he was laughing his head off. It was like flying a wyvern! The same adrenaline rushed through him as he straightened his body to propel them faster. Dimitri was secure on his back, laughing along with him.

Hah, and he thought he was zooming earlier! The world zipped past him in a blur of white. Left, dodge a rock. Right, over the ledge! His arrow-like body caught air as he shot off a low ledge. Dimitri squealed and chomped his back to hold on. Landing with the grace of a Leicester deer, he kept his momentum and continued his journey sledding down the hillside. 

Eventually the hill leveled out. As his speed slowed, he swiveled his body to bring them to a stop. “Was this what you had in mind when you suggested sledding, Dima?” Using his snout, he guided Dimitri off his back and between his flippers. “You were right, sledding is a blast! Though I hope you don’t intend to do that a second time.” He wiggled. “Don’t know how I’d get back up the hill.” Glancing back towards the hill, he winced. “This may have been a mistake.”

Dimitri’s whiskers twitched, his voice amused. “It’s not that much of a hike.”

He laid his chin in the snow. “Dimaaa! Our cabin is halfway up that hill! I won’t make it if I have to hike back there after this potion wears off.” He might not know what his seal-eyes looked like, but he took a gamble that they were cute. “Dima.” Pancaking his body, he radiated his most ‘pathetic’ vibes.

“Yes, darling?”

“Pwease don’t make me hike in the snow. I’ll die.”

“You won’t, love.”

“Rooo…”

Dimitri laughed at him. “Don’t look so glum! Yes, husband mine, I’ll carry you when this is all over.”

“Prrup!” With that out of the way, he tucked his nose under his tiny husband and flipped Dimitri back onto his head. “Suppose I ought to carry my husband while I still can.” 

“You’re always welcome to try, you know.”

“What’s that? I’m welcome to be crushed under my husband’s sexy body? Good to know, I’ll keep that in mind later tonight.”

He snaked his body through the snow, wandering aimlessly now that the slope was gone. Speed was not a seal’s strong suit on land, but Dimitri didn’t mind. Occasionally his little husband would peep up about a pretty ice formation on a tree, or an interestingly shaped cloud, or whatever caught his eye.

It began to snow. Soft, gentle flakes sprinkled down from the sky. Pausing, he listened to the soft cush, cush, cush of snowfall.

Peace.

Claude hated snow. This was a fact. Yet times like these, where motes of sparkling light filled the air across an endless dune of white, he understood the beauty Dimitri saw. It helped that he didn’t feel cold for once. It helped a great deal. Maybe he should try making a ‘snow seal’. He had never been brave enough to make a snow angel before. Right now, though…

Right now, he felt the tingles of a transformation. It felt weaker this time. Either he was about to become human once more, or this was his last animal on the list. His seal body shook and shivered, shedding the blubber for long, lanky legs. His fur grew out and his head prickled with new weight.

Dimitri hopped from his shoulders, making a tiny pika-shaped hole in the snow. The tiny rodent hopped out and forward, only to make a new hole. The snow was just barely taller than Dimitri’s head. “Need a hand, my lil husband?”

“I’m fine,” Dimitri muffled from where he was tucked into the snow. “Besides, you don’t have any hands to offer, my deer.”

Glancing down at his ‘feet’, he understood. Clopping his hooves, he would have grinned if his snout allowed for it. “A golden deer is always ready and willing to offer a metaphorical hand.” He bounded a few hops, already loving the smoothness of his movement. Nice as being a seal was, he enjoyed mobility. 

“A golden reindeer. Perhaps I shall become a blue lion.” They didn’t need to wait long to find out. Dimitri’s tiny body expanded into a new shape. Slightly smaller than him, though not much. Two fuzzy ears twitched atop Dimitri’s new fuzzy head, massive black tufts of fur sticking up straight. Stretching, Dimitri’s massive murder-mitt paws and stubby bob-tail didn’t belong to a lion.

“Dima, you look so soft.” He padded a circle around his feline husband. “Soft and warm for sure. What’s this lovely creature?”

Dimitri hummed, sitting up and placing his paws upon his fluffy tail. “Let’s see. Speckled grey fur, thick fur on my paws, bob-tail… Do I have fur-tufts sticking up off my ears? I must be a lynx.”

Lynx. He etched that into his mind to remember. Constance was going to be hearing from him for this. There were a lot of things he intended to do in his life, and ‘hug his lynx-husband’ was now on that list. Reindeer weren’t great at hugging and he didn’t have any fingers to pet that soft fur. Which meant asking a favor from a certain court mage in the future.

He might not have fingers, but he did have a face. Bending his neck, he nuzzled Dimitri’s face. With a happy “Mroaw,” Dimitri pressed into his touch, nuzzling right back. 

“Race you back to the cabin?”

Dimitri’s whiskers twitched. “You ought to get a head start.” The smug lynx prowled around him. “There’s no fun in outrunning my prey.”

“Nice try, Dima. Pretty sure Reindeer are faster than kitty cats, though.” He curled a hoof and stood proud, his antlers rising high. “I should be the one giving you a head start.”

Neither of them got a head start. Dimitri pounced at him and that was that. He shot off back towards the cabin with Dimitri nipping at his hooves. Up the hill they went. Through the forest they went. Over the thick layer of snow they went. At one point, Dimitri fell behind, so he hid behind a fallen trunk. Dimitri rushed past him and then he was the one chasing his prey. 

By the time the cabin was visible, he was panting hard. Almost there! Dimitri was ahead of him, but not by much. Pushing himself, he sprang into the air and leapt over his husband, clopping the last few steps back to the cabin. His antlers tapped the cabin door.

“Hah! I wi—”

They both tumbled through the door as Dimitri tackled him. His hooves scrabbled against the cabin floor as he tried to get the leverage to buck away the hungry predator munching at his neck (carefully).

“Eek!”

They both froze, Dimitri’s mouth still on his neck and his hoof raised in preparation to strike. Their cabin was not empty. They probably should have noticed, but in his defense, he’d been busy getting mauled.

Dedue raised an axe, eyes warily on them both. Hilda just screamed a second time.

He and Dimitri scrambled to get off each other. Dedue wasn’t going to attack a lynx and reindeer, not unless they attacked first. Which was looking likely when Dimitri slinked forward.

“Dedue! It’s just me, Dimitri. I—” Dedue tensed to swing the axe.

He flopped atop his husband, halting the cat in his tracks. “Stop! All he hears is cat-sounds, remember?” Dimitri hadn’t been able to understand his ermine words until becoming a bear. 

“Ah. Good catch.” Dimitri backed up, which had Dedue (slightly) relaxing. The axe was still raised and ready. They ought to do something about that. First things first, though, he turned around and shut the cabin door. He was a warm reindeer now. Soon, he would be a cold human, so heat stayed in the cabin.

“Did that deer just shut the door?” Hilda asked, eyebrows raised. “Shouldn’t it be running?”

He huffed at her, padding over to his empty blanket-hut (which was, thankfully, far enough away from Dedue’s axe-range). “They’ll calm down once we start doing enough weird-for-animal activities. Want to cuddle in the hut with me?”

“That’s a better idea than mine.” His husband stopped trying to claw up the floorboards. “Thought I could write a message.”

“C’mere and loaf. You’re too cute for Hilda to be scared of for long.”

Dimitri did just that, cuddling up to him and kneading the blankets. After a proper amount of rearranging and kneading, they loafed up together. Dimitri made for the world’s best pillow. Soft, fluffy, warm, and rumbly? Dimiynx was the perfect all-in-one cuddle-buddy.

“Wasn’t that cat trying to eat the deer like, a minute ago?” Hilda was starting to catch on. “Now they’re cuddling? I don’t get it.”

“Hm. I’m not sure those are normal animals.”

“Mroaw,” Dimitri ‘said’ to Dedue, blinking slowly.

“Hah, it’s like it responded to you, Dedue.” He wiggled a hoof at Hilda. “...I think you’re right.”

“Can you understand us?” Dedue asked, slowly lowering the axe. Both he and Dimitri nodded. “Ah. Not normal animals, it seems.”

Hilda squinted at them. “Alright, but why are they here? Is it ‘cause the cabin is warm?”

Hilda and Dedue mused over their strangeness. He got distracted as something rough and wet scrubbed against his neck. He jumped, then relaxed when he realized Dimitri was grooming him. His husband’s licks began slowly, uncertain, but picked up confidence as they went.

“Satisfying?” he asked, humming and closing his eyes. Soft, warm, rumbly, and a free massage? His husband was perfect. Purrfect, even.

“Mm. You have no idea.” Dimitri buried his kitty face into his neck, nuzzling roughly. “Love your scent. It’s potent right now.”

“Because you have a kitty nose.”

“Prrrrm, likely.” Lick, lick, lick. “Are you falling asleep, my Claude?”

He yawned, mushing his face a little deeper into Dimitri’s dense fur. “Maybe. We did a lot of playing today. You’re so comfy.”

“Not as comfy as you are, husband mine.”

“Hah! Nice try. Nope. You’re more comfy.”

Before they could fall into a game of ‘No, you,’ Hilda gasped. “Wait a sec. What if that’s Claude and Dimitri? Deer and lion.”

“That’s a lynx and a reindeer.”

“Same diff! Look at how lovey-dovey they are. Top tier sap, and we know who’s super sappy. I bet—”

Hilda didn’t get the chance to place any bets. Shivering, he felt the last dregs of the potion unravel. He shrunk slightly, his body shifting as he once more became human. Hilda shrieked again.

“Don’t move!” he told Dimitri, throwing his arms around his lynx husband. With the handful of precious lynx-seconds left, he buried his face in that dense, soft fur. “Aaaa, you’re so soft!” He scrubbed his fingers into the fur, relishing the softness and the happy rumble he drew out of his husband. “Who’s a good boy?”

“Prrrrrr!”

“That’s right! You’re a good boy! Good soft boy, yes you are!” He planted a big kiss on Dimitri’s kitty cat nose. Dimitri’s eyes made little crescent shapes. He was summarily bowled over as Dimitri nuzzled him roughly, settling back over top of him and getting one last round of cuddles/scritches.

The fur receded and he was left with his human husband once more. “Hello Dedue, Hilda.” Dimitri didn’t even get off of him, content to use him as a bed. Which was fine by him. Sandwiched between his warm husband and the warm blankets was perfect.

“Your Majesty,” Dedue greeted simply with a nod of his head. “When Hilda told me of your plans, we decided to visit.”

“By that, Dedue means we’re here with an emergency care-package.” She rolled her eyes. “We all know how Claude gets about the cold. So we brought some soup, quilts, and a few extra scarves and jackets. But it looks like we were beaten to the punch.”

He grinned up at Hilda. “Soup! Hot soup! Dedue’s hot soup! Hilda, Dedue, I owe you my kingdom.” 

Dimitri purred.

The room went silent as everyone stared at Dimitri.

“I, uh.” Red-faced, Dimitri cleared his throat. “...Lingering side-effect?”

“Why couldn’t you keep that soft fur?” he mused, nuzzling Dimitri. Then he jolted back when something caught on Dimitri’s tunic. “Ow!” Something on his head wiggled.

“Stay still, Claude.” Dimitri’s fingers parted his hair. “Ah. You still have antlers, Claude.” Digging a little deeper into his hair, Dimitri kept going and felt something else. He felt Dimitri’s touch where he didn’t expect it. Something on his head shot upright in shock. 

He darted over to where he kept his hand-mirror. Getting a good look at himself, he did indeed sport a stubby pair of antlers sticking just beyond his hairline. It wasn’t just antlers. A pair of white bunny ears, having previously been laying flat, were at attention. They wiggled and twitched at his command. “Welp, should have expected this. There’s always something unexpected when it comes to Constance.”

“Constance?” Hilda laughed and shook her head. “That explains everything.”

If he had hare ears (hears) and reindeer antlers, what else was there? Putting the mirror in his mouth, he padded back to Dimitri on all fours. It wasn’t until he plopped back in the nest that he noticed. “So where are your ears?”

“Right here.” Dimitri lifted his hand to tug at his human ears, but paused. “...Ah.” Palms up, Dimitri showed off his new set of paw-pads. Gasping, Claude pounced on the opportunity to squish the bear-beans. As he did, something wiggled on Dimitri’s head. Reaching up, he found a round pair of pika ears hidden in the forest of Dimitri’s hair. 

“Hey… you know what?” A smile crept onto his lips. Slowly, he shucked off his jacket. “I’m feeling warm right now. Grinning with teeth now, he popped to his feet and opened the door. “It’s not cold out here!” Whirling back to his husband (and shutting the door for Hilda and Dedue’s sake), he wiggled in place. “I’ve been transformed into a Faerghan!”

Hilda cracked up like the proper connoisseur of humor that she was. Dimitri rolled his eyes. “You’re looking a little thicker, dear. I believe that’s the seal. Also, I found your ermine holdover.” Dimitri pointed behind him. Frowning, he turned around. Just when he was about to question it, something tugged his tail. Tail! Said tail puffed up as he whirled around to bap at a smug Dimitri.

He couldn’t be angry at his husband. Dimitri was purring up a storm. “Well? Where’s your tail, mm?” He leered at his husband’s ass. None of the animals Dimitri transformed into had long tails, if any at all. Was there a little bob waiting to be booped?

“No tail.” Dimitri took off his shirt. A small, cherubic pair of owl wings stretched out from Dimitri’s back. 

“Get over here. I’m getting my payback.” He patted the blankets. “Preening time. I’m not going to let up until you’re moaning for mercy.” Hilda cleared her throat. “And by that, I mean purring for mercy.”

“Grrrrroowwwwl…”

“Perhaps some stew first?” Dedue offered, already moving to get it heated over the fire.

“It seems you don’t just have bear paws, my Dima. You have one in your stomach too.” Chuckling, he nuzzled his husband. “What do you say we build a snowman after we eat? Then we can do whatever else is left on your list of wintery-goodness.”

“Sounds lovely.” Dimitri kissed him. That was how they found out they both had painfully sharp teeth.

Later...

"Constance. Please, come into my office."

Constance grinned as she entered. "Welcome home, Your Majesty! Oh-ho, I trust that my miraculous potion granted you and your husband a truly magical vacation."

"Very magical." Dimitri gestured for her to take her seat. She did so, smug and beaming. "Constance, how long is the potion meant to last?"

She paused. He watched as her eyes tracked his features for any lingering effects. "Well, the results very based on the subject. Such a complex and wondrous invention is so nebulous in properties that—"

"You have no clue," he translated.

"Pah! You underestimate me, Your Majesty. I have far, far more than a 'clue'. The Great Constance—"

"Squeak!"

Constance froze mid-sentence, her mouth half open and hand fixed in the middle of a gesture. Her eyes darted down to the little white ermine face poking out of his tunic. "...I see you have a new exotic pet." Her smile turned strained.

"Do not call my husband a 'pet', Constance."

"Ah. Yes. Of course. Hello, Claude. Well! I see the potency of my brew is beyond my wildest expectations. Just another win for house Nuvelle! Haha!"

Adjusting his tunic, he revealed one of his feathered wings (meticulously preened by Claude). Constance paled. "Both of us still swap between shapes, and sometimes carry various animal traits between shifts. Now, as much fun as Claude has been having playing pranks, it is rather difficult to rule a country when I may or may not transform into a lynx at any given moment."

Claude squeaked again. He assumed that meant 'It makes the paperwork a lot easier, though.' Which wasn't even true! Yes, it did in fact scare his court into giving him less work. That was offset by the fact he couldn't do any paperwork at all with paws.

"Ahem. It seems my potion was a touch too strong. Worry not! I will set to work right away to resolve this little inconvenience."

The woman rushed out of his office. Sighing, Claude didn't allow him to brood. His shapely husband wiggled out of his shirt and hopped onto the table, rolling belly-up just for him. "Is this an invitation or a trap?"

Wiggling his tiny paws, Claude's beady ermine eyes said 'What's the fun in telling you? One way to find out!'

Instead of falling for the trap, he lowered his face and kissed Claude's nose. "Alright, dear. Scoot aside? I should get some paperwork done while I still have fingers."

His tiny husband went to war with that idea, attacking his hand every time he tried to pick up his quill. He ended up playing with Claude instead of working. If he was lucky, Constance would take her time with a cure. Shivering, he felt the tell-tale signs of an impending transformation. On the bright side, he was able to nudge the transformation towards whichever form he pleased. Tempting as it was to shift into a lynx and chase his wiggly husband, he chose the small form of the pika.

"Chase you to the nest?" Claude proposed, wiggling his rear.

"Why not?" He readied his little paws. "On three?"

He wasn't sure which of them made it to the bundle of blankets in the corner of his office first. Once they made it, though, Claude snaked around his round body. "Nap time?"

"A king is not meant to take naps."

"You're a teeny tiny rodent. Pretty sure the king isn't a pika."

"Hm. Sound enough logic. I suppose it is, indeed, nap time." He gave his husband's fur a lick. "Mm, after a little grooming session." By now, he knew very well how much Claude loved to groom and be groomed.

"Some grooming, then a nap! Heh, I love out extended vacation. We have got to get something really, really nice for Constance after she fixes us."

Leaning into his husband's tongue, he hummed in agreement. "Less talking about Constance, more grooming, dear."