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"where'd this come from?" ryland asked, gently tracing a scar on alex's forearm.
"oh, that? mauled by a bear. real brutal, a weaker man would've died," alex answered, deadpan, though he couldn't suppress the grin that spread across his face as the words left his mouth.
ryland gave alex a rough yet playful punch on the shoulder. "pfft. c'mon, man, seriously."
alex's eyes drifted to the ceiling while he tried to remember the cause of the wound.
"pretty sure that one's from when i was a kid," he began, "if i'm remembering right i fell off a horse and just happened to land on a sharp rock or something."
ryland's eyes widened. "woah, a horse? you never told me you rode horses!"
"well, i didn't, really, it was just a thing my family did once on vacation. never tried it again due to the whole cutting my arm open thing," alex sighed.
he turned his head to face ryland and studied his form with his eyes. "d'you have any cool-guy scars i don't know about?"
ryland blinked hard and scratched at his collarbone. "um. i mean, depends what you consider cool…"
alex pondered this for a second.
"well," he stated after a short pause, "all scars are cool, honestly. it shows that, yeah, you got fucked up a little bit, but you survived and now you've got a badass mark to remember it by, y'know?"
ryland opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it, the half-formed idea turning to dust in his mind.
"this one - here on my leg - i went rock climbing with some buddies in college and i was a little high and, well, there were rocks everywhere…" alex trailed off.
"oh, and this?" alex pointed to his eyebrow. ryland had always assumed he just shaved a slit into it, but, "i fell off a box. i was, like, super young. old enough to get on a box, but basically still a baby."
"wait - that isn't on purpose? i thought you shaved it or whatever for the looks." ryland squinted his eyes to get a closer look and noticed that, yes, the skin was a bit lighter where the wound had healed.
"really? you think i'm cool enough for an eyebrow slit? i'm flattered, dude, but i'm way too old to try to look good."
ryland exhaled and whispered, mostly to himself, "you don't have to try, man."
before alex could have a chance to reply (if he even heard ryland's remark), ryland spoke up.
"UM. well, i hate to break it to you but i don't really have any interesting scars, so…"
alex raised an eyebrow. "come on, you've gotta have at least one! did you spend your whole life in a hamster ball?"
ryland sighed, gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he thought. sure, he had a few scars, but… they were all…
"you don't have to show me if you don't want to," alex began, noticing the pensive look on ryland's face. "sorry if that's, uh. if that was a weird thing to ask."
fuck it, ryland thought, and shook his head.
"no, i was just… thinking of what to show you. uh…" ryland murmured to himself as he fidgeted with the hem of his shorts, already regretting his choice before he'd even made it.
pussy up, man, he mentally chastised himself, and yanked the leg of his shorts up somewhat violently. a seam or two might have ripped.
on the newly revealed expanse of skin, alex could see a few faint lines crossing ryland's pale thigh. the lines were so straight, so… purposeful, they must have been…
"i, um." ryland started. he didn't continue right away, instead taking a moment to swallow nervously and stare so hard at his own leg that he almost thought he could burn a hole in it.
alex broke ryland out of his stupor with a feather-light touch to his shoulder and an unfinished sentence spoken barely above a whisper: "are those…?"
"i dunno, it's not a big deal. i know that this is, like, the exact opposite of cool, but you wanted to see my scars and these are the only ones i really have, so."
alex stayed quiet for a moment, and ryland felt the regret creeping in, his neck and face growing hot.
"i'm sorry," alex whispered. only then did ryland look up to meet alex's eyes, large and brown and sad. ryland just hummed in acknowledgement.
"i said it's not a big deal… they're, like, years old now. and they weren't even that bad, i was too much of a fuckin' coward to do any real damage, yknow?" ryland explained with a shaky exhale of a laugh.
"ryland…" alex reached out to touch the scars before changing his mind and quickly retracting his hand.
ryland furrowed his eyebrows. alex raised an eyebrow - the scarred one - in response, and ryland replied with a curt nod. their wordless exchange gave alex the confidence to reach out again.
this time, he didn't back away, and ryland watched as alex gently traced the faded lines, his warm hands leaving a lingering feeling on the raised skin of ryland's leg.
"'m proud of you," alex said. ryland's breath caught in his throat, surprised, and he was even more surprised at the burning heat behind his eyes that signaled tears threatening to fall.
ryland replied with a strangled "thanks," and ducked his head down to hide his glassy eyes.
alex leaned over in an attempt to give ryland a hug, although their positions on the couch made it a bit difficult. alex ended up draping one of his arms over ryland's shoulders behind his neck, and let the other fall across his torso. his head ended up falling into the junction of ryland's neck and shoulder, curly hair tickling ryland's exposed skin.
alex's voice was muffled like this, but his words still rang loud and clear in ryland's mind.
"and those are cool," alex added. "like i said, scars just show that you went through some shit but, hey, you made it out alive and… mostly unharmed. even if you caused the harm yourself, you still survived and that's fucking rad."
ryland huffed a laugh at alex's word choice, but appreciated the sentiment all the same. he let his head fall on top of alex's and murmured his appreciation into his hair.
after a moment of comfortable silence, alex jumped back.
"okay, sorry to ruin the moment, but i just remembered my coolest scar - so i actually have this one burn mark on my ass that looks kinda like italy-"
ryland closed his eyes and pushed alex back with a surprised cackle. "JESUS NO, ALEX."
alex laughed along, leaning back against the arm of the couch and almost rolling onto the floor in a fit of giggles.
and it was normal again.