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The worst of midday summer heat had passed, and as the cool breeze gently caressed her face, Inej closed her eyes and wondered why exactly was she still bothered waiting.
Far below, the bustling canals slowly came to a halt and boats began docking for the night. Flocks of seagulls dotted the sky, quacking noisily against the quiet afternoon. Long shadows from the spires imprinted the walkway in intervals of light and shrouded her half in darkness.
She had felt Kaz’s presence the moment he stepped onto the narrowed aisle of the church, yet her heart still foolishly skipped when the sound of his cane tapped rhythmically against the metal scrollwork rang in the silent air. If unpredictability had a love child, it would be the boy that was limping towards her across the rows of stone spires, mouth forever set in an unpleasant scowl.
Inej nonchalantly twirled Sankt Petyr between her fingers, the carved metal handle gleamed against the waning sunlight.
“You’re late.”
“Blame the twelve flights of stairs that I just climbed”, Kaz replied.
He was not annoyed. Not really.
He was just relieved that she was still here.
Kaz’s eyes had unnervingly narrowed on her shrouded shadow as soon as he climbed on the roof of the main cathedral. Sweat stained his forehead as he shook his head to clear the sweat stained hair covering his eyes.
It was strange to see him on the open streets without his heavy suit or gloves. With his shirt-sleeved rolled up and unbuttoned collar, he could pass for a normal boy who was just very late to a date with the girl he liked.
Without his armor, he looked like a false illusion of reassurance and promises. The version in every moments that they shared in his bedroom at the Slat. Moments that she treasured.
The church service had long since concluded. No songs were played from the melodic pipe organ that usually carried the monotonous sermons. A comfortable silence permeated the air, punctuated only by the rhythmic thumping of lead against stone as Kaz drew nearer.
She adverted her eyes to the burning skyline. “Have you thought about it?”
“Yes.” He knew it had been on her mind.
“What did my papa tell you last night?” She questioned.
“No wisdom you haven’t said before”. Kaz smirked easily.
Inej rolled her eyes. She doubted it was true.
Her papa was a wealth of endless wisdom.
“Here.” Kaz handed her a piece of paper. Sparks ignited where their bare fingers touched and he dropped his hand like hot coal.
“The coordinates of a slaver ship on one of the trade routes to Zemeni. I haven’t confirmed the broker’s identity yet, but my sources point back to one of the Council members.”
She couldn’t believe it. “It’s a yes?”
“You said that we could thin out the competitions.” The corner of his mouth quirked at her surprised look. “I agree.”
“You are the better man Kaz. Thank you.” Her brows rose in suprise. She always found the kindness in him that he didn’t have.
He had always tried so hard to draw that look of awe from her.
Inej gave a satisfied chuckle, glowing in her traditional Sulli robes. He had never seen her outside of the normal wilted vest and hooded tunics.
Sheets of brick red linen were tucked neatly at her waist, draping down her legs in a loose skirt. The fitted blouse hugged her lithe form, the cap sleeves bodice threaded with intricate golden patterns as an orange shawl draped around her shoulders, the hem scattered with a canopy of yellow beads that glinted in the light.
In the swirling colours of purple clouds and blue sky, she reminded him of a burning sun. An otherworldly saint that blessed him in her light.
She was breathtaking.
Incomparable.
A rare jewel that he wanted to steal for himself.
“You are my new religion.” His voice was a quiet rasp in the quiet afternoon.
A silent vow.
“That’s blasphemy, Kaz. I’m no gods or saints.” She chastised.
“And my darling Inej, you know better than anyone that I serve no god.” His voice was mocking, but the intensity in his gaze never wavered from hers. “No Saints had ever watched over me. Not like you do.”
His admission was the sound of a needle dropped in the quiet noon amid the thunderous beating of her heart.
He could never stop surprising her.
Kaz had turned his face to the expanse of pink sky dotted with silver-tipped clouds. Far below, the hazy mist of dusk basked the retired city beneath them in a golden halo.
The place was quite fitting for a last rendezvous, here at the Church of Barter, where they last had a midnight reconnaissance.
The weight of his realization hit him then. What he would willingly lose for Inej. The moment when he realized that he would come for her, crawl to her, fight for her through heaven and hell.
The harbour's wind was starting to pick up, its salty breeze gently rippled the water's surface like liquid glass.
“Inej,” he hestitated. “I’m sorry.” The words were rushed, heavy with contrite.
He heard a small gasp escaped her lips.
Inej couldn't see his face from this angle, but it was as if a weight had been lifted off his chest. She had seen him carried it all week, especially after that talk with her papa.
He had needed to admit that out loud.
Kaz kept his gaze trained on the river below.
“I’m sorry for what I had put you through”.The grasp on his cane tightened, his knuckles turned white.
“I kept thinking back to that night we first met. What would happen if you didn't approached me? What if we had met in a different circumstance?”
Inej couldn’t help but laugh. “In another circumstance, Kaz? I don’t think we would have cross each other at all.”
“A farmer boy from Lij and a Sulli acrobat girl.” He mused, the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. “What would be the odds?”
Soundlessly Inej closed the distance between them and touched her head against his back. The dampness on his shirt was a desperate reminder of her need to feel close to him. His warmth. His familiar scent of leather and clean wood. That dangerous sense of false security in his didn't.
She wanted to cling to it one last time.
If”, Inej confessed, “you hadn’t come back for me, I would be abused until death.” This was her deepest fear. One that haunted her dreams too often.
Kaz swallowed hard, blinding hot rage gnarled at his chest, growling like an ugly beast. “Was that supposed to make me feel better?”
“If”, she continued, her fingers ran along his bare forearm and thumbed his left wrist softly, “you didn’t give me a reason to fight, I wouldn’t become the fearless Wraith.”
Kaz stiffened. A thousand needles prickled his skin as a familiar voice from the back of his mind screamed at him to step back. He forced himself to stay very still.
The bitterly cold wind chilled the sweat that had broken on his skin. His legs were slowly dragged underneath the icy waves of clammy skin, but Inej's presence was the lifeline that holding his half-drowning consciousness.
He was drawn to her voice like a zealot drawn to the words of their Saints.
She reached down for his hand, pressing her palm against his, and entwined their fingers. “If you hadn’t constantly looked out for me, I couldn't have reunited with my parents.”
Inej coaxed him to turn and look at her then. The last rays of the sun shone upon them, reflecting his eyes in the color of strong tea and the fiery skyline that she loved, and the pain in them that she wanted to chase away. If he allowed her to.
“If we have never met”, she caught his gaze. “I would never have found my true purpose. Everything happened for a reason, Kaz. We met because we were bound to meet. There’s no second-guessing. Only promises to uphold. These crossroads shaped the essence of who we are.”
It was easy to forget that he was a head taller than her. The distance they normally kept erased a few inches of height from the equation.
“If I had to go through all that to have this moment now, I would do it again.” She whispered. “Would you, Kaz?”
He could feel her breath caressing his face as the air between them waited for the final admission. Her hair was pinned up in loose braids, held back by a circlet of blooming jasmine flowers.
The wind had lifted a stray hair that tickled her cheek. He was tempted to brush it away.
“I would”, Kaz swore fiercely. Without hesitation.
She blushed like a pretty shade of sunset in a silhouetted dream.
His eyes were searching hers.
She gave the barest of nods.
Touch me.
He raised his free hand and gently brushed that strand of hair framing her face. His fingers skimmed the nape of her neck, trailing goosebumps on her arm, and hovered to a stop on her waist.
Waiting for permission.
Hold me.
Stealing courage for the both of them, she leaned into his touch.
Kaz’s hand slowly encircled her waist, resting on the barest sliver of smooth skin at the small of her back. The waning sunlight illuminated the coppery specks in her eyes as they bored into his, her fingers carefully skipped across the front of his shirt and felt the frantic beats of his heart, waiting for his reaction.
Tell me you won’t let me go.
Kaz slightly dipped his head, wordlessly allowing her fingers to dance on the pulse at the base of his exposed neck. Their breath mingled into one as Inej traced her hand on the smooth line of his brows.
Her gaze dropped to the frown on his lips; she wanted to smooth it away.
Tendrils of golden fire lighted up the sky as the sun retreated further into the purple backdrop. The waning light imprinted long shadows from the spires on the stone walkway, illuminating the sharp angles of his face and a single drop of sweat that slid down his clenched jaw.
Inej shuddered.
His gaze was raising goosebumps on her skin despite the warm summer air, like he was worshipping every inch of her features and greedily drinking it in.
Kaz instinctively leaned into her feather-light touches, reminding himself of warm bronze skin and lovely brown eyes.
She was alive.
He could not drown. Not now.
He could bested this.
Her mind went blank as Kaz released her hand and buried his nose in her hair in a tight embrace. His shaky exhale tickled her cheeks as he desperately pulled her closer in his arms, her curves snugged against his jaded form.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I’m hopeless.
The cold water was pressing in, threatening to drag him under, but her hands were on his back and lifted him to shore. He was helplessly drunken by the pull of her gravity like tides drawn beneath a full moon.
“Help me hold on to you”, his plea was a deadman’s breath that ghosted on her neck.
The silky cool feeling of her hair against his skin was better than he had ever dreamed, a safe haven that he didn’t want to let go.
“I’m here.” Her arms gently encircled his back.
His weight against her was triggering a darker part of her memories, but Kaz’s familiar scent grounded her to him among the faceless men.
It was cruel.
How he let her feel a taste of what they could be. How easy it was for her to give in and forget about the world. To lost in the warmth and safety of his embrace.
Breathless.
Slight tremors coursed through his body as Kaz fought to anchor himself. This moment belonged to them, and them only. The smell of jasmine carried through the hazy golden light of dusk. Clean and heady, reminded him of cloying summer days and bittersweet goodbyes.
He was floating.
The water was kind, clearing his mind and anchoring by her warmth. Kaz tilted his head and hesitantly pressed his lips on the shell of her ear; his fingers distractedly traced up her spine. She let loose a small whimper and gently arching into their embrace.
Burning slow.
A million of forbidden thoughts that he fought with teeth and tongue to submerge rose to the surface.
His arms wrapped around her small waist and pulled her flush against him. His fingers threaded through her silken dark hair. Deep brown eyes burning with liquid fire. Her parted lips pleaded his name, the sweet sound reverberating dangerously close to his center.
He madly wanted to steal the breath from her lips until they were swollen and her cheeks flushed prettily like the rainfall of geranium petals on that fateful boat.
You are my treasure.
Queen of my heart.
“I’ll come back.” It was a promise.
She tightened his hold on the nape of his neck, the warm pads of her fingers caressed his hair in a soothing pattern.
His brows furrowed, fighting the urge to break away from the contact. The feeling she had for the boy in her arms was the pouring rain that cleansed her whole.
“We will find our way out. Together.” He forced his arms to drop from her waist and physically stepped back.
“Goodbye, Kaz.”
Inej felt the prickles of tears in her eyes.
“I’m here if you need me.” His eyes scanned her face, memorizing every lines and features that would soon disappear.
She didn’t reply.
He knew her answer anyway.
In the next blink of an eye, Inej was gone, leaving behind a faint scent of jasmine that lingered in the air as the only proof that she was here moments ago. Kaz knew with a dreaded certainty that there would be no one waiting for him down at the boat.
She was pious.
He was sacrilegious.
Kaz was the epitome of blasphemy, while she worshipped piety. But as he watched her shadow getting smaller and disappearing on the horizon, he sent a small prayer to her stupid Saints.
For her safety.
Her strength.
And for her return.