Work Text:
Doppo didn't know why he did it. Perhaps because his boss incessantly yelled and bitched and moaned at Doppo and primarily Doppo. Every day at lunch he would sluggishly make his way to the offices washroom. To eat? Why, no! Kannonzaka Doppo didn't really eat. He ate one meal a day; the dinner lovingly made by his roommate and boyfriend Izanami Hifumi. He would thoughtfully pick and prod at his meal, eating but a mere fraction before offering the rest of his plate to the worried blonde.
Once in the bathroom, he would check all the stalls to see if anyone was there. Once the coast was clear, he picked the stall farthest from the entrance, the disability stall and he would dig into his coat pocket. An empty metal container of mints. Inside, there lay gently a single blade taken from a pencil sharpener. With jittering hands, he placed the cold metal against his pale, thin thighs and made one slice. And then another. And another. And another until all he saw was red. This went on for a while. But at some point Doppo went to Hifumi with the intent of staying clean and told him to confiscate any pencil sharpener he found.
Of course, if there's a will there's a way. Doppo started opening tuna cans or soup cans and using the lids to rip and tear at his work worn flesh. He would take one to work everyday. The cuts weren't as smooth as ones made with pencil sharpeners. It took precision and angling to make a cut, but once he did it bled like crazy. One day when he was especially stressed he cut so deep he saw fat tissue. He stared on in awe, unaware it was even possible to do that. He spread the cut open, and it gaped. And closed again. It looked needy. Throbbing. Like it wanted to be deepened. He lines up his can lid, ready to make it happen. He takes a deep breath, adrenaline pumping. He was in a trance. A trance he couldn't stop on his own.
Suddenly, he hears the sound of someone clearing their throat and unzipping their pants. Shit. Someone's at the urinals. He snaps out of it, peering at his blood stained hands with confused eyes. He whimpers to himself
"I… I did this…?"
He gags and covers his mouth, forgetting his hand is covered in blood. He quickly removes his hand, and licks the blood off his upper lip. A shiver runs up his spine. It taste.. good? He licks his hands clean and licks the lid as well. He feels nauseous. Nauseous at the sight of a sea of red. Nauseous thinking about how he yet again broke his promise to Hifumi and relapsed without telling him. Nauseous thinking about how his entire life lead up to this. Very. Moment.
Everything turns black and Doppo is on the floor.
Rubbing alcohol.
The sound of an EKG monitor.
The restless chatter of nurses and patients alike.
Doppo wearily opens his baggy eyes and peers around the room.
Hifumi is pacing back and forth and his fellow member of Matenrou and a doctor he heavily confides in, Jinguji Jakurai, was there. The doctor was reading a book by the famous author Yumeno Gentaro, smiling thoughtfully at one of the pages in the middle. His index finger and thumb curled around his chin and his smile showed content mixed with anxiety.
"Doppomine~! You're awake!"
The eccentric Hifumi wraps his arms around his boyfriend and plants kisses all over his face.
"Doppomine, I was so worried! You told me you quit that… and the good doc over here told me he wasn't even aware you harmed yourself! Doppomine what were you thinking!?"
Tears well up in his emerald eyes. He offers a weak smile with furrowed eyebrows and kisses Doppo's forehead one more time. Jakurai puts a bookmark in his novel and stands up, the figure standing at 6 feet and 5 inches easily towering over his two boyfriends. He had this tender yet intimidating aura to him, and Doppo wasn't sure if be would be scolded or comforted.
"Doppo…"
He walks closer and bends over to be at eye level with Doppo.
"Sweet heart…"
He had a pained expression and rolls words around in his mouth, pondering what exactly the right thing to say when faced with such a situation.
"I cannot fathom why you never thought to tell me you self mutilate yourself like this, especially to such a degree and such frequency…"
He parts Doppo's bangs and massages his scalp.
"I feel as if I failed you in some way, Doppo.. I can't help you when I have missing information"
Doppo tears up at the sight of his beautiful boyfriends showering him in attention. He wails, Hifumi on one side and Jakurai on the other, both bringing him into a tender embrace and rocking him side to side, back and forth.
Doppo hadn't realized how much they had loved him until that moment.
"I love you both. Thank you." He croaks, his throat so raw he can barely make a peep.
"Shhhh… it's ok. You're ok sweetie. We love you too."
Jakurai reassuringly rubs his hands in circles against Doppo's lithe back, kissing his cheek as he does.
Sometimes, people love you and it isn't necessarily pity.
You are loved.
It's ok to ask for help, sometimes all one needs is a helping hand.