Archive of Our Own

   It was quiet in the Quaritch- Socorro household save for the clicking and scraping of cutlery on plates as father and son ate their Thanksgiving meal. “Turkey’s good,” the patriarch grunted just to fill the silence.

    “Yeah dad,” the son answered apathetically, “it’s real good.”  Spider sighed as he continued to pick at his meal. The holidays hadn’t used to be like this. When he was little he could remember a time where every holiday was a lively affair, their home filled with every military misfit his dad considered as good as family. But as the years went by things changed. People got married, started families of their own or moved away. Now it was typically just him and his dad. They made the most of it of course but Spider still longed for the chaos and energy of a big happy family. 

    “How ‘bout we take the dog out after we eat,” Dad suggested. Said dog was sitting under the table waiting patiently for food scraps to drop. 

    Spider shrugged, “sure dad.”

    “And after that maybe we can throw the football around a little before the real game starts.”

     Spider smiled in a way he hoped his father found genuine. He certainly appreciated the effort his father was putting into the day. Spider just wasn’t in the mood, but unwilling to disappoint he said, “Yeah dad that sounds like fun.”

     They did just that, taking Cupcake for a walk until she tired, lazily tossing a football around in the back yard until they grew bored, then cozying up in the living room with a slice of pie to watch the football game neither of them really cared about. And it was - fine. It wasn’t a magical day of togetherness like in the Hallmark movies but it was still okay. He had his dad and his dog to go through the motions of a traditional Thanksgiving day with. It was -  disappointing, Spider’s mind supplied.

     He sighed, trying to bury his feelings, unwilling to be ungrateful for what he had. He glanced beside him at his father, noting that the man looked just as unenthused and tired as Spider felt. With his thousandth bone weary sigh of the day, Spider slumped down in his seat, bringing his head to rest on his dad’s shoulder. His father’s arm instantly wrapped around him, holding him close but his glazed eyes never left the screen. Spider nestled in, his disappointment only growing. Maybe Christmas will be better.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

   Spider, Kiri, and Lo’ak did not share their homeroom. They did however always seem to have the same need to go to the library almost every single day. “Bro I am so ready for winter break,” Lo’ak moaned, dramatically draped in his chair like a biblical Renaissance painting. 

   “You need to pass your midterms first,” Kiri said, as she poured over her notes.

    “How can you even think about midterms!”

    “Because I don’t want to get left behind during the holidays.”

     Lo’ak waved his sister off, “mom and dad were just bluffing. They’d never leave one of us just for failing math.”

     “Well you’ll be the first to find out,” Kiri mumbled. Spider sat there, trying and failing to study for his own midterms, jealousy creeping its way in. Every winter break the Sully family flew to Neytiri’s homeland to visit her side of the family. His friends would come back still buzzing with excitement, bombarding him with vivid stories of everything they had seen and done. Spider would give anything to visit the Omatikayan village with them. 

    Kiri reached out, squeezing his hand unexpectedly. Spider whipped his head up, their eyes meeting. Kiri gave him a soft smile, “you look sad.”

    Spider shrugged, “I guess I am.”

    “Do you want to talk about it?”

     Spider sighed trying to find the right words, “I don’t know. I used to get excited for the holidays. Now though they just kinda bum me out. Dad tries his best to make them special and everything. It’s just hard when you really don’t have any other family. It really just feels like any other day except you're trying extra hard to force all this bullshit just because that’s what you do on the holidays and….I don’t know. I just don’t really feel like doing it this year.”

     His friends nodded. Spider could tell that they had no idea how to respond to him, their own excitement for their upcoming family vacation making his melancholy hard to relate to. Spider snapped his notes shut, stuffing them into his backpack. “I can’t concentrate in here guys. I’m gonna head back to my home room.”

   “Wait Spider…”

    “Come on bro. Don’t be like that…”

    Spider ignored them, rushing out of the room. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

     Miles Sr was working from home giving him ample time to prepare for his and his son’s upcoming winter break and Christmas celebration. Mostly he went shopping, gathering up every present on Spider’s surprisingly small wish list, wrapping them up nicely and hiding them in the back of his closet, under his late wife’s old things. He was in the kitchen whipping up a batch of his son’s favorite cookies, following his wife’s recipe to a tee, when a knock sounded at the door, the dog’s barking complementing the noise. Confused over who could possibly be darkening his doorstep Miles set aside his baking, called Cupcake to heal and went to investigate, finding the last person he would ever expect. Jake Sully. “Jake,” he greeted, putting all of his scorn into the name, “What brings you around here?”

      Jake seemed just as disgusted as Miles felt, “I was wanting to talk about Spider.”

      Miles raised a suspicious eyebrow, “And what about him?”

     Jake sighed, “can I come in?”

     Miles scoffed, leaving the doorway open, saying, “yeah if you can get in!”

     Jake glared daggers at the back of the man’s head but undeterred he wheeled back, gaining just enough momentum to lift his wheelchair over the raised threshold, pointedly slamming the door as he followed after his old boss. He stopped short as his eyes roved over the scene in the kitchen, “were you baking cookies?”

     Miles shrugged, uncaring, “what of it?”

     “Nothing. It’s just not something I would have expected from you.”

     Miles rolled his eyes, “well Jake it’s Christmas time. And most kids, especially my kid, like to have cookies around this time of year. We usually mak’em together- and we still will! I just wanted to surprise him with his favorite when he gets home. Kid’s been studyin’ real hard' all week for his midterms. Now that there over- I just wanted to do something nice for my kid. Anyway, why am I explainin’ myself to y’a! What do you want!” 

     Jake couldn’t help the little tug of a smile at the corner of his lips at seeing the man he hated above all, squirm. He rolled himself a little closer, “my kids told me that Spider was having a hard time with the holidays this year.”

   The news felt like a punch to the gut for the father. Sure, he could tell that his son wasn’t his normal excited self. He had been apathetic when the two of them had gone to pick out their Christmas tree, but had still smiled and helped him choose the perfect one. He seemed sluggish as they decorated the living room, going through the motions of putting ornaments and lights on the tree, of hanging his stocking on the mantel. Miles had just figured he was tired from all his end of term studies. They had still been watching their favorite holiday movies together, had been driving around to look at light displays, and had plans to go ice skating that very weekend. He had been happy doing all of that. He had thought his son was too. So to hear that his boy was actually simply putting on a brave face, stung to say the least. He played this all off to Jake, “don’t know what you’re talk’in ‘bout. My boy is just as happy as ever.”

    Jake nodded, not believing him, “are you sure about that? Because my kids said he was really upset. That according to him he didn’t want to have to force all this b.s when it was just another day.”

    Miles' heart sank, “I do my best to make it special for him…”

     “And he knows that,” Jake rushed to add, “He said as much to my kids. Even just looking around at the place I can see how much effort you put into all this…”

     “Yeah well, I can’t give him the big family get togethers, but I can still give him my best…”

     “That’s actually what I came here to talk about,” Miles stayed quiet, going on the defensive waiting for the man to continue, “Neytiri and I have been talking, first with our kids and then with each other. My daughter had the idea of bringing Spider with us on our family vacation back to Pandora. My wife and I talked about it and we’d have no issue taking him with us as long as you…”

    “No.” Miles said shortly walking past Jake towards the front door.

     Jake, expecting this reaction, stayed rooted to his spot, “You know he wants to go…”

    “You're not taking my child from me on Christmas just ‘cause your little girl asked you too! End of conversation! Now get out of my house!”

     Jake set his jaw, preparing for a fight, “I’m not stealing Spider from you in some act of revenge! We both know that kid will have the time of his life in Pandora! It’ll make him so, so happy and you’d take that from him!”

   “Don’t you dare try to play that shit on me,” Miles hissed but it lacked just a fraction of his previous convictions. Traveling to Pandora, seeing the land he loved so much would make his son more than…well anything he could do for him at home. 

    “Just think about it,” Jake said as he approached, “you know he’d want this. And if he really believes that Christmas is just any other day then the two of you can still celebrate it when we get back in January.” It wouldn’t be the same, Miles thought.

     He opened the door for Jake to pass, “you didn’t tell my boy about this idea of yours did you?”

     Jake shook his head, “no. That wouldn’t be right to get his hopes up just for you to say no. Ultimately it’s your decision. He’s your son. You know what’ll make him the happiest. And at the end of the day, I know that his happiness is all you want.” Jake bumped over the threshold not looking back as he went to his car, “we leave on the twenty third. If I don’t hear from either of you by the twenty second I’ll take your answer as no. That gives you five days to think on it. Talk about it with Spider.” And with that he was gone, leaving Miles with a deep pit in his stomach.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      Over the next few days Miles watched his son like a hawk, searching for just a glimmer of holiday cheer in his eyes. Spider went to his friends house a few times to hang out but was always dropped off looking sadder then when he left. Miles took him out on a couple different nights first to the lights at the local zoo, then ice skating, then to the theater where they were showing classic holiday movies, and finally to Spider’s favorite restaurant where he let his boy get whatever he wanted, including dessert. He smiled, made conversation, was grateful, and acted cheerful enough. But that genuine spark of joy remained absent from his eyes.

     The window of opportunity that Jake had given him was thankfully shrinking. It was the twenty first. Just one more day to go and Miles could pretend like the proposition had never been made, blissfully going about his celebrations with his son by his side. As for the present, father and son had more somber plans. Typically they’d visit Miles’ wife’s grave a few days before any holiday, decorating it for the occasion. 

   The sun was bright as they walked through the graveyard, Spider holding Cupcakes leash, Miles carrying a box full of ornaments, trinkets, and Christmas flowers. Their breath was visible in the frigid air, boots crunching the blindingly white snow that had started falling in the night and never stopped. They didn’t speak as they went about their task, positioning the flowers right in the center base of the stone, wrapping garland and battery operated lights around Paz’s name and finishing it off with their Christmas card featuring a picture of father and son cozy by the campfire with Cupcake at their feet. They had been on a camping trip with Miles' squad when Lyle had secretly snapped the sweet candid photo. Looking at it now made Miles smile while his heart ached. 

     He looked to his son, who seemed just as sad as Miles felt. He told himself it was only because of what they were doing and nothing more. He gave Spider a pat on the back then left his hand to rest on the boy's shoulder, holding him in a side hug. Spider remained silent, vacantly staring at his mother’s grave. Miles jostled him for his attention, giving his son a comforting smile, “come on now. What’s goin’ on in that head of yours. And don’t say nothin’ cause I know when somethin’ is eaten at y’a.”

    Spider shrugged, “I dont know dad.” The father fixed him with a look . Spider sighed, “we’ve been doing all this stuff, and don’t get me wrong, it’s fun. It's just that I feel…off this year. That’s all.”

    “Off how?” Miles asked, hoping to get to the real root of his son’s feelings.

    “I don’t know. Everything is supposed to be magical and shit. All the twinkling lights, the presents, the food, but it’s just all…surface level..I guess. And then there’s the time with the people you love but have we really been doing all these things because we want to, or do we just feel obligated to do these things because that’s what you're supposed to do during the holidays.”

    Miles sighed, “those are some mighty heavy thoughts son.” Spider hung his head. “Maybe there is too much pressure around this season. But you said so yourself, you’ve still been havin’ fun. And I can tell y’a for a fact I haven’t been doin’ all this just cause I think I have too. I want to! I want to do all this happy Hallmark shit with you kid. Just cause everyone else does it doesn’t make it any less genuine.” Spider shrugged again, not lifting his head to meet his father’s eye. Miles sighed, dejected, focusing instead on straightening his son’s hat, making sure his ears were tucked in and smoothing Spider’s messy mop top of curls from his eyes. Usually the teen would bat him away, complaining of him “fussing too much over him.” Now he stood still. Miles took a deep breath through his nose, blowing it out sharply. “Let’s head home before we freeze to death. I’ll make some hot chocolate. Heat up some stew. You’ll feel better once y’a get a warm meal in y’a.” Spider simply nodded and turned away, quietly making his way to the car, leaving his father standing in the snow drifts. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

     Spider felt awful. Not only was he sad over his friends leaving him for the holidays, now after the conversation with his dad he felt like a selfish son. His father tried so hard to make the holidays special and he enjoyed it, he really did. So why couldn’t he shake the hollow feeling that lingered through his entire being? 

    His father sighed beside him on the couch as they watched yet another holiday movie. “I’ve got something I need to tell y’a.”

   “What dad?” Spider asked, the ominous words instantly making him nervous.

   “Sully came by to talk with me a few days ago. Your little friend Kiri asked to bring you on their trip. The Sully’s are willing to take you if that’s what you want…” Spider felt his excitement instantly rise. Of course he wanted to go . Seeing Pandora was all he had ever wanted! But going would mean leaving his dad all alone on the holidays. He couldn’t do that to him.

     His father watched as his joy turned to disappointment and guilt. Without Spider having to say a word his dad reached out a hand and playfully ruffled his hair. “I’ll be okay if that's what you're worried about. I’ve spent plenty of holidays alone. It’s just another day. We can always celebrate when you get back.”

     Dad was smiling kindly at him but Spider could still see the hurt in his eyes. He doesn’t want me to go. But he knows it’ll make me happy. “Dad…I can’t….”

    His father held up a hand to stop him, “would you have any problem goin’ if it wasn’t over a holiday? If it was just your spring break or summer vacation?”

    “But that’s not the same…”

     “Sure it is. Summer or winter, Christmas or the Fourth of July it’s all just another day right? It don’t matter.”

     “But…”

      “Do you want to go? Tell me truthfully, yes or no. That’s all y’a gotta say.”

      “Do you want me to go?” Spider asked, hating how small his voice sounded.

      “Of course not,” his father stated simply, “but I’m asking you what you want.”

      “Dad…”

       His father sighed, “I don’t want you to go. But I want you to be happy more. This’ll make you happy right?”

      “Yeah,” Spider agreed, knowing he couldn’t deny it.

       “Then go.”

        Spider took a deep breath, “okay.” It felt so wrong to say yes. He still felt guilty leaving his dad behind on Christmas but the excitement for his trip was also starting to bubble up. He was going to see Pandora. He was going to share in all the adventures his friends talked about. It was almost too much to believe.

      Dad nodded, patting Spider’s leg with an encouraging smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “alright then. I’ll go call Sully and tell him.” Twenty minutes later and the plans were set. Spider would be spending the holidays in Pandora. And his dad would be spending them completely alone.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

     “Y’a got everythin’ y’a need,” Miles asked his son for the hundredth time that day. 

     Spider rolled his eyes. “Yeah dad. I’ve quadruple checked…”

     “Y’a got your inhaler.”

     “Three of them actually.”

      “Packed enough clothes?”

      “Two weeks worth.” They’d only be gone for ten days.

       “And where’s your scarf at?”

       Spider rolled his eyes, “dad it’s summer in Pandora…”

       “Yeah well it’s winter here. And it’s below freezing so y’a better bundle up.” Spider groaned but let his father wrap a scarf around his neck all the same. 

      The Sully’s would be there any minute to pick Spider up. They waited together by the door neither quite ready to say goodbye. “You best call me every day.”

     Spider smiled, “I will.”

     “And I want at least a text when y’a get on the plane and when y’a land. And don’t think I won’t know when y’a do. I’ll be trackin’ your flight….”

     “Dad!”

      Miles waved him off, “oh hush. Don’t act surprised.” Just then Cupcake perked up, going to the window to bark at the car pulling into the driveway. Miles sighed, “that would be them.” Spider nodded, clutching the handles of his suitcase tighter. “Do y’a need help carryin’ anythin’ out?”

      Spider shook his head, “no dad I’m good.”

      They stood for a beat of awkward silence, neither willing to say the first goodbye. Miles drank in his son’s image, wondering where all the time had gone. When had his little boy suddenly turned into a young man capable of going off into the world without him? The thought stirred up more emotions than Miles was willing to deal with. “Come here,” he said at last, opening his arms. Spider barreled into him, both of them squeezing each other tight. “Have fun alright. Be safe. And call me if you need anything. I’ll be on the first flight over if anything happens.”

     Spider scoffed, “I don’t think you're welcome there.”

      Miles shrugged, “never stopped me before.” Spider rolled his eyes as Miles opened the door, ushering his son outside. They immediately braced against the frigid air, snow falling heavy around them. Miles pat Spider on the back propelling him forward. Neither said goodbye. He watched from the porch as Spider loaded his things into the back seat of the Sully’s car before hopping in himself, grinning from ear to ear at his friends. “You best drive carefully now Sully,” Miles shouted, “there’s a freezin’ warnin’ in effect and you’ve got precious cargo now.” Jake laid on the horn in response, glaring at him through the windshield. Despite the cold Miles stayed where he was watching as the car backed out, shifted into drive and went on its way. He stared after it long after it vanished from his sight, feeling for the first time in sixteen years well and truly alone.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      The Sully family plus Spider sat in a cluster in the airport terminal, bored and dejected, a little t.v towards the ceiling blaring the news. Blizzard warning in effect. Roads closed. Power outages. Flights canceled. Neytiri and Jake had tried their best to make other arrangements for their vacation but it was no use. Absolutely nothing was open for over fifty miles. Defeated, Neytiri had called her family to tell them the bad news. They wouldn’t be able to come. “Hey gang cheer up,” Jake said, “we’ll just reschedule the trip for spring break…”

      “But I wanted to see grandma,” Tuk whimpered, “I miss her.” 

       “I know baby girl,” Jake said, looking so sad on his daughter’s behalf.

        Lo’ak slumped in his seat, groaning to the ceiling, “this sucks!” Everyone ignored the statement of the obvious.

        “Let’s just go home dad,” Neteyam said.

         Jake sighed, “the roads are too rough right now. Once the snow plows clear the roads then we’ll figure out where to go.”

       “But it’s still blizzarding out there,” Lo’ak exclaimed.

       “What do you mean figure out where to go,” Kiri asked, eyeing her father suspiciously.

        Jake pinched the bridge of his nose, “I got a text from the electric company. Most of our area is out of power. The report says it might be out for days so unless something changes - we can’t go home.” The kids all withered at the news. Jake turned to Spider, “you should call your dad. See how he’s doing and what he wants us to do with you.”

       Spider shrugged, “it’s not like we can do anything until the roads are clear anyway. I’ll just text him. Let him know what’s going on and see if he’s okay.” Jake nodded then turned away, moving to comfort Tuk with Neytiri. Spider made no move to contact his father. It didn’t seem fair to have an out, while the Sully family suffered. He’d wait for his dad to call. Until then he’d sit on the floor between Kiri’s legs, staring off into space while she braided and re braided his hair out of boredom. 

        Mostly everyone in the airport was seated, dozens of tired, dejected faces, waiting for good news. So when Spider’s eye caught on a flash of hurried movement coming from down the hall, it instantly had his attention. His eyes grew in surprise as the figure drew closer. “Dad,” he called, getting to his feet. His father’s gaze met his, the man quickening his step, Spider jogging up to meet him. “What are you doing here?”

        Dad rolled his eyes, “what, y’a think I wasn’t watchin’ the news? I figured before your flight was even canceled that this blizzard would ground y’a. I got right in the car and started makin’ my way over.”

       “Damn…” was all Spider could manage. The airport was a forty five minute drive from home. Spider and the Sully family had already been waiting in the terminal for two hours. His dad must have had to drive at a snail's pace through howling winds and blinding snows just to make it here safely and yet he had done it all without a second thought.

      Dad patted him on the shoulder, “alright now go get your things. It’s gonna be a long drive home. Y’a hungry? I’ve got some snacks and water in the car but we can probably find somethin’ good here…”

    “Dad,” Spider said, his tone biting. At his father’s confused look, Spider jerked his head towards the Sully’s.

    “What,” dad asked, annoyed.

      Spider got closer to him, trying to hide the nature of his conversation from his friends, “their house doesn’t have power.”

      “I don’t see how that’s my problem.”

      “Does our house have power?”

       “ ‘course. I got the backup generators going. We’re golden!”

       “Then offer to let them stay with us.”

        His dad scoffed, “no.”

        “Dad,” Spider growled, “they have nowhere to go.”

        His father waved him off, “they can get a hotel or somethin’…”

        “In the middle of a blizzard. When there’s power outages all around town, with tons of other people needing a place to stay.”

        “We don’t have the room…”

        “Bullshit! Neteyam and Lo’ak can share my room, Kiri and Tuk can have the guest room downstairs, we put our air mattress in the living room for Mr and Miss. Sully and then I’ll just sleep with you. It all works out!”

       “Spider…” his father sounded completely exasperated with him.

        “Dad…” Spider perfectly mimicked his fathers tone.

         They stared each other down, Spider’s gaze pleading, his dad impassive. “Stop it.”

         “Stop what?”

          “Stop lookin’ at me with those puppy dog eyes of yours.”

          “I have no idea what you're talking about,” Spider said innocently while taking a step closer. 

          “A huh,” dad grunted, standing firmly in his spot.

          “Papa,” Spider called quietly, inwardly recoiling at the cutesy name he’d abandoned once he’d turned ten. It seemed to have the intended effect though, his father’s body language remaining rigid while behind his eyes Spider could see his resolve melting like putty. “It’s Christmas.”

         “Aw hell Junior,” Dad sighed, defeated. “Why do you have to go makin me all soft hearted and shit.” Spider grinned mischievously for an answer. “Fine…” dad stomped over to the Sully family, Neytiri instantly going on the defensive, making the man stop short, “I’ve got power and I’ve got beds. You can stay with us if y’a want. But make up your minds quick ‘cause I want to get goin’.”

     “I would never stoop so low as to accept charity from you!” Neytiri hissed shielding Tuk from the Colonel as if he might try to harm her right then and there.

     Jake held up a hand to placate her, “Sweet heart, let's talk about this a minute before just rejecting….”

     “Have you lost your mind,” Neytiri exclaimed, switching to Na’vi so that Miles wouldn’t understand. “You expect our family to stay under the same roof as that monster! 

    “What other options do we have,” Jake said calmly, also in Na’vi. “We can’t go back to our home if it has no heat. Any hotels with electricity are probably already booked solid with other displaced people. And we can’t stay here.” Neytiri was seething as she took in her husband's words. “I know you hate him and so do I. He’s a pompous ass hole…”

     “A demon…”

     “A blood hungry bastard…”

     “The scum of the earth….”

      “A monstrous dick. Look we both know it’s not really him making us this offer. It’s Spider. He wants to make sure that we’re all taken care of. And Quaritch will do anything to make his son happy, so….” Neytiri growled. Jake sighed, “for the kids okay.”

     “Fine,” Neytiri hissed. Through the entire exchange Miles had stood there awkwardly not understanding a word. He looked to his son for help who simply gave him a thumbs up.

      Jake turned his attention to his old boss, “how long are you willing to house us.”

       Zero seconds, Miles wanted to say. He felt more than saw the pointed look that Spider was giving him that compelled him to say, “as long as y’a need.”

      Jake nodded, “Thank you.”

      “No problem,” Miles said, sounding like it very much was a problem.

      “Not to push our luck here and you can totally say no,” Jake said, “our pets are in a kennel right now. Doesn’t seem fair to leave them there if we’re not leaving. Would you be okay with us bringing them over?”

      Miles took a deep breath, “what kind of animals?”

       “One dog, one cat…and a snake.”

        Miles felt his son's eyes burrowing into his soul again. “Whatever, I don't care. But can we at least wait ‘till mornin’ to get’ em. Took me three hours just to get here and I’m sure it’ll take just as long to get back. We’ll be lucky if we reach mine by midnight.”

       “Deal.”

        “Alright then,” Miles hated this. He hated every single part of this. But Spider was practically bouncing in place, he was so excited. And when he looked around at the faces of the Sully kids he could tell that they were relieved to not have to spend any more time in this soul crushing place. Miles turned, expecting everyone to follow, “let’s move out.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

       It was nearly one in the morning when they finally pulled into the driveway. They all quickly gathered their bags and made their way inside, Miles bringing up the front of the group to unlock the door and Jake the back, his wheelchair struggling to find purchase on the frost covered driveway. Neteyam went to try and help him but was stopped by Spider. “Dad…” he called, giving the man a pointed look.

     His father grumbled under his breath but stomped forward to help nonetheless, “need a hand.”

      Jake leaned back, clearly not wanting to accept anymore assistance from the man. Instead he said nothing, only nodded, allowing Miles to push him up the driveway then pick him up an inch off the ground and over the threshold of the house. Once inside father and son went right to work getting everyone settled. Spider showed his friends where they’d be sleeping, taking Kiri and Tuk to the basement and Neteyam and Lo’ak to his room. Miles retrieved the air mattress from the upstairs closet, getting it set up in the living room with plenty of extra bedding and pillows. 

    “What times does the kennel open,” Miles asked Jake pointedly as the couple settled in for the night.

    “Six,” Jake answered with just as much venom.

     “Be ready to go by five forty five then. I got shit to do tomorrow.”

     “Aye aye Colonal,” Jake said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes and mock salut. Miles ignored it, stomping off to his room. Spider was already in bed, snuggled under the sheets, his eyes closed but the sound of his breathing telling Miles that his son was still very much awake. Miles quickly went about his night time routine, eager to get the few precious hours of sleep he’d be able to manage for the night. 

   “Dad,” Spider called out softly when his father settled in bed.

   “What,” Miles asked with a heavy tired sigh.

    “Thank you.”

    Miles smiled, reaching out a hand to smooth Spider’s hair from his face. “You're welcome. Now go to bed.”

    Miles was on the brink of sleep when once again, “dad?”

    He resisted the urge to snarl, tapping into the reserves of patience exclusive to a very tired parent dealing with their inquisitive child. “What is it son?”

    Spider hesitated but finally whispered, “do you ever feel bad….about what you did?”

    Miles sighed, needing no elaboration as to what his son was referring to. He rested a hand on Spider’s cheek, his fingers tangling in his hair, tired blues eyes meeting wide expectant brown. “It was my mission. I had to do what I had to do. I didn’t want to kill anyone. I sure didn’t take joy in it. But at the end of the day I had a job to do…”

   “That’s not an answer to my question though. I don’t care about the stuff you tell yourself to justify what you did. I want to know if deep down you feel guilty about it. When Neytiri calls you a monster and immediately goes on the defensive, does it make you feel anything?”

   Miles shrugged, “I think she’s justified…”

   “But how do you feel?”

   “Why are you askin’ me this all of a sudden? Son it’s two in the mornin’. I got to get up in the morning to get Sully’s mutts….”

   “Do you feel guilty for the war?”

    “Why are you askin’ me!”

    “Because you can try to make it right!” Miles was stunned by his son’s words. He wasn’t surprised that his boy hoped for such a thing but…

    Miles shook his head, “there’s no redemption for the things I’ve done, even if I wanted it…..”

    Spider looked crestfallen, “I know that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t try…”

    “What are you wantin’ me to do here?”

     “Be nice to the Sully’s while they’re here. Don’t get into it with Jake and Neytiri. Be good to my friends. Maybe you could even…apologize for what you feel you had to do in the war. If you actually feel remorseful for it….”

      Miles nodded his understanding, “I can play nice. I can’t promise much but I’ll do my best.”

      Spider didn’t seem completely satisfied with that answer, hoping for more but not wanting to push his luck. “Thanks.”

      Miles smiled, petting his son’s hair. “Now that that’s settled, can you go to bed already?” 

      Spider rolled his eyes, “goodnight.”

      Miles pulled his boy in, surprising him with the tight hold, “goodnight,” he said mischievously.

      Spider laughed, trying to shove his dad off, “dad! Let go! You're crushing me!” Miles loosened his hold but didn’t let go. Spider shifted into a comfortable position, settled and within a few minutes slipped off to sleep. Miles listened to his even breathing, finally allowing himself to feel the relief that had flooded him the moment he saw that his son’s flight was canceled. The situation was nowhere near ideal with the presence of the Sully family but he had his son back. That was all he really wanted.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      The two men rode in strained silence, cheery Christmas music playing in stark contrast to how the exhausted enemies felt. “Do y’a need to grab anything from your house,” Miles asked, doing his best to keep the venom out of his voice that seemed to naturally occur every time he looked at the man beside him.

    Jake nodded, “we should get the animals food and the snake’s tank.”

   “What about any of your kids' things?”

     Jake nodded his head, “I’ll grab a few day’s worth of warmer clothes for all of us. We were packed for summer weather….”

   “What about Christmas presents? Did you already celebrate…”

     Jake shook his head, “we don’t celebrate Christmas.”

     Miles nodded. He tried to sound interested instead of strained when he asked, “what do you celebrate around this time of year then?”

    “Nothing really. That’s why we go back to Pandora.”

     Miles took in this information, his conversation with his son replaying in his head, “how would you feel if we got a few things for your brood then?” Jake looked at him in wide eyed shock. Miles trained his gaze on the road, feigning nonchalance. “You're probably still gonna be at mine tomorrow. I don’t want to see my son openin’ up his presents while four other kids watch him without anything. It’ll make my boy selfish..”

   Jake scoffed a genuine smile tugging at his lips, “I don’t think Spider is capable of that..”

  “Fine then, it’ll make him feel guilty and ruin his day.”

  “So you want to get my kids presents to make your son happy?”

   “Yep,” was all he answered at first. Then after a beat of silence, “and…I think it’s just what’s right. I could tell how sad they all were at the airport and well…. I think we can cheer them up…”

    Jake broke out into a full grin, chuckling at what he was hearing, “damn. I can’t believe how much having a kid has changed you.”

    Miles shrugged, “occupational hazard of being a parent.”

    Jake nodded, “ain’t that the truth.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

     Spider woke up in a haze at noon on Christmas Eve. He rubbed at his bleary eyes making his way down the hall, moving towards the kitchen. The house was fairly quiet though he could hear the faint murmur of the t.v in the living room. No doubt the rest of the house was also just waking up after their long exhausting yesterday. He passed in front of his father’s office just as the door opened, his dad’s eyes lighting with surprise, hurriedly shutting the door behind him, before he schooled his features. “There’s sleepin’ beauty,” he exclaimed with a nervous smile.

    Spider was nonplussed, “what are you doing?”

    “I was just answerin’ a few last minute e-mails…”

    “No you weren’t.”

    “Prove it.”

     Father and son stared each other down for a moment before Spider gave a confused nod. He’d find out eventually what his dad was planning. “Is breakfast ready?”

    “Yep,” his father sounded way too eager to change the subject. “There’s a breakfast casserole in the oven. Go eat up. The roads are still a mess so we won’t be goin’ nowhere today but I’m sure we can come up with some things to do.”  

    “You're being weird,” Spider said, then turned away, continuing his journey to the kitchen. 

     Once everyone was up and ready for the day the kids all decided that they wanted to go out and play in the snow. There was a good hill not far from the house and two sleds in the garage. They’d have to take turns with them but that was no big deal to the group. Neytiri went with them even though she detested the cold. She hated being in the house more. They stayed out for hours, sled for awhile, had a snowball fight and built snowmen. When they finally decided to call it a day the sun was already starting to descend over the horizon.

   The group returned to the house still laughing from their exploits, cheeks red and rosey from the cold. Neytiri went straight to her husband hoping to hear the good news of their home's electrical restoration. No such luck. Spider went to his dad who was busy in the kitchen preparing a Christmas Eve feast. Spider peeked over his shoulder, “you made enough for everyone right?”

    His father side eyed him, “ ‘course I did.”

    Spider held up his hands in surrender, “Just making sure. Do you need help with anything?”

    “Not right now. You can set the table in a little bit. For now there’s hot chocolate on the stove. Why don’t you take some out to everyone and go warm up by the fire.” Spider didn’t need to be told twice. He relaxed in the living room with his friends, recounting the events of the day to Jake. Thankfully dinner came soon after, hunger hitting Spider like an avalanche now that he was sitting still. “Alright,” Miles called as he entered the room, “everythin’ is ready if y’all want to…”

     “I will not be dining with the demon,” Neytiri announced.

      Miles sighed resisting the urge to roll his eyes, “fine eat in here I don’t care. Spider though, your eatten’ with me at the dinner table.” Spider sighed knowing how unlikely it was for them all to enjoy a meal together but still disappointed all the same. They could hear the Sully’s having a happy family dinner together as the two of them ate in relative silence. “What should we do after dinner kid?” Spider shrugged. “We could watch a movie, make some cookies, build a gingerbread house, any of this stuff grabbin’ y’a…”

     “People really build gingerbread houses,” Lo’ak called from the other room. Father and son shared a surprised look. 

     “Yes…” Miles answered flabbergasted at a Sully taking interest in his conversation.

      “Mama, can we build a gingerbread house,” they heard Tuk ask. Neytiri wisely lowered her voice and must have had her family do the same because the only thing that could be heard were the whispers of words.

      Miles turned his attention back to his son, “well tiger?”

      “Cookies, gingerbread house, movie.”

       “In that order?” 

       “In that order.”

        Miles and Spider always had a great time cooking together. Spider’s dad wasn’t the best but he had definitely improved over the years, mostly because his pride wouldn’t allow him to be bad at something but also thanks to his mom’s old cook book. She had apparently been a stellar cook. According to his dad she used to never follow a recipe simply going on instinct. The meal would always be good but she’d never be able to remember exactly what she did making replication impossible. Until she started writing everything down. And Spider was thankful that she had. He’d never have a home cooked meal from his mom but at least him and his dad could follow her recipes. It made him feel as if a part of his mom was right there with them every time they cooked from her book. 

       The worn cookbook laid out on the counter. Spider felt like he knew the cookie recipes inside by heart but still liked reading over the pages, tracing his mom’s handwriting. The house quickly flooded with the scent of their baking, drawing the not so subtle attentions of the Sully children as they tried to inconspicuously peek into the kitchen. “You guys can come in if you want,” Spider called. He was answered with silence. He knew that his friends would have, if not for his dad.

        “Come on son,” dad called, re focusing his attention, “you can bring them cookies when they come out of the oven. Now what else are you wantin’? We got chocolate chip, peanut butter, the gingerbread for the house…”

        “How about snickerdoodle?” He only suggested the flavor because he knew it was Kiri’s favorite.

        “Sure. Find mama’s recipe for it.”

         Twenty minutes later, “Wow,” Kiri said, half a cookie in her mouth, “this is the best cookie I’ve ever had in my life.” Spider smiled knowingly.

        When it came time to build the gingerbread house Spider set about trying to coax his friends to join. “Come on. It’s fun! Dad and I are so bad at decorating the thing. It’ll look like a disaster!”

        “Mom said we could join if we want to,” Kiri mumbled.

         “Does your dad have to be there,” Lo’ak asked. Kiri gave him a biting look. “What!”

         “That’s still his dad,” Kiri hissed.

         “But he’s a monster,” Spider supplied sadly.

         “Spider…”

         “It’s okay. I get it.” With that he walked away.

          At the sight of his dejected son Miles said, “I’m guessing it didn’t go well.”

          “Nope.”

          “Well at least you tried,” Spider shrugged. “Hey,” Spider looked up just in time for his dad to boop him on the noise with red icing on his finger.

           Spider reared back with a laugh but it was cut short by the sound of a few other stunned laughs from the hallway. All four Sully kids quickly tried to hide. “Guys! Just come join us.” After a moment of hesitation Kiri was the first to poke her head in, slowly walking up to Spider’s side. Tuk was the next one to join, with Neteyam by her side.

        “You guys are lame,” Lo’ak said from the door frame as he watched his siblings make little icing and candy sculptures for the gingerbread house’s decoration. 

        “Oh you think so,” Neteyam said conspicuously, strolling up to his brother with his hands clasped behind his back.

        Lo’ak scoffed, “yeah. I mean if you guys could see yourselves…” Quick as a flash, Neteyam slapped an icing covered peppermint onto the middle of Lo’ak’s forehead. The younger boy stumbled back going cross eyed to see the thing on his face. He picked the candy off, smiling vindictively, then made his way over to the table. For awhile he busied himself with gingerbread assembly, though everyone knew he was waiting for an opportunity to take revenge. It was when Lo’ak was attempting to pipe icing around the cookie window that he suddenly snapped up, holding the piping bag like he was Tony Montana with a machine gun spraying his siblings plus Spider with bright green frosting. And Miles. To his immediate horror he’d hit the colonel right in the face.

     Calmly Miles wiped the icing from his face, intentionally being very slow and deliberate with his movements to further intimidate the teen staring up at him in horror. He reached out, taking the piping bag from the boys limp hand, “you will not be havin’ that anymore,” he said evenly. Lo’ak waited for more. Because surely he was going to be murdered now. Instead he watched as Miles looked at his son, noticed icing still crusted to the boys cheek and to the amazed horror of all the Sully children stuck the pad of his thumb in his mouth and swiped it over Spider’s face.

     Spider recoiled, “Dad! Gross!”

     “Oh stop it. It’s no big deal.”

     Spider wiped at his face, “yes it is! It’s disgusting.”

     His father waved him off, “I’m your dad. Your germs are my germs.” The Sully kids couldn’t believe it. Their parents' worst enemy, the man they had been taught to hate, was such a dad. How could they ever be intimidated by this man ever again after this?

     The gingerbread disaster completed, they all moved to the living room to watch a movie. Neytiri glared as Miles entered, moving as far as she could without leaving the room. Miles and Spider sat down on the couch together his fathers arm instinctively wrapping around him as Spider settled into his side. “Awww, aren’t you two so cute,” Lo’ak mocked, “daddy’s boy…” Jake’s hand shot out, grabbing his second son by the hem of his shirt, pulling him down to sit beside him, pointedly wrapping him up in his hold.

    “You hush,” Jake told him. Lo’ak grumbled his protests but easily settled, resting his head on his dad’s shoulder. 

     Miles went with a classic Christmas flick- It’s a Wonderful Life. The kids didn’t make it to the end, falling asleep, exhausted from the activity of the day. Miles looked at his sleeping son with the utmost love in his eyes, Jake unintentionally mirroring the look as he gazed upon Lo’ak sleeping soundly at his side, his heart swelling from the close proximity that had become such a rarity as his youngest son grew into an angsty teen. “We should get these ones off to bed,” Miles whispered to Jake, “we still gotta..”

    “Yeah.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

         The kids are gonna flip, Miles thought as he looked around the room. He actually found himself getting excited for the morning, eager to see the surprise on not just his son’s face but all the children’s faces. “Are you finished,” Neytiri asked tightly.

        Miles sighed. Neytiri had been taken aback when he’d come home yesterday rushing dozens of gifts for her children up to his office. Jake told her of their conversation from earlier and she had excepted that this would be a nice way to cheer up her kids after the disappointment of their canceled trip. But it still didn’t change a thing between them. Miles couldn’t blame her. There’s no forgiving the things I’ve done.

      You could try, Spider’s voice rang in his head. It was a thought that had played in the back of his mind since him and his son’s talk. He’d thought of plenty of things to say but figured why waste his breath when nothing would come of it. It would still be nice, he knew his son would say. Miles sighed, feeling Neytiri’s eyes burning a hole in his back. He readied himself to leave, taking one last look around the room, his eyes lingering on the one professionally done photo he had of his family completely together, the sight of late wife’s happy face and soon to be motherless child driving a knife through his heart. It never failed to amaze him that after fourteen years of being a widower that pain could still feel just as fresh as it did back then. He pointed to the picture, drawing the couple’s eye to it, “y’a know my wife…she was amazin’. She was smart. Dedicated. Loyal. She could read me like a book, no matter what. Always called me out on my bullshit. I’d never loved a single person on this earth before her. So when she died….well, I felt like I deserved it for all the awful things I’ve done.

      He could feel the silence as Jake and Neytiri both marveled at the confession taking place. When they didn’t say anything Miles continued. “I’d never felt so helpless in my life. Right after her death- I felt like I’d been hollowed out, like my heart wasn’t in my chest anymore and I could never get enough air in my lungs. I’d never felt a pain like that before. I still feel it even today. I knew then that if I was feelin’ an ounce of the pain I’d caused other, well then, I deserved everythin’ bad that ever happened to me.” He turned to fully face the couple, “I’m not askin’ for forgiveness. I know that’ll never be earned. But I just wanted you to know- I am sorry for the things I’ve done. I can tell myself I was just followin’ orders, that I was doing it all for the greater good. But I know I ruined lives. I’ve caused more heartache and misery than any one man should be allowed to live with.” Miles sighed, holding his hands out at his sides, “I don’t really know what else to say. I just wanted you know…”

     “You are right. You will never be forgiven,” said Neytiri. Her features softened infinitesimally, “I am glad you are realizing the weight of the devastation you caused.” Miles nodded, feeling strangely light after his confession. With nothing left to say between them, Miles finally left the room, leaving the couple in peace.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

       Spider woke on Christmas morning, lacking the excitement he’d once felt as a small child but still feeling incredibly content after the events of yesterday. Things had been going as good as he could have hoped for. He couldn’t ask for much more. 

       He made his way downstairs, hoping that none of the Sully kids were awake yet. He figured it would be for the best for him to quickly open his presents then rush them to his room before anyone else had a chance to feel left out. His hopes were dashed however when he heard the murmurer of many excited voices coming from the living room. He turned the corner, his eyes going wide in amazement. Under the tree was a mountain of presents, dozens more than Spider had asked for. Over the fireplace hung six additional stalkings all stuffed to the brim. The Sully’s where all gathered, the kids all practically vibrating with excitement, shouting greetings to him as he entered. Now that Spider was here they could get on with opening the gifts. “Merry Christmas,” his dad called, walking up to give him a hug. Spider stood there stunned, a grin breaking out on his face.

     “Did you…”

     “Yep,” dad clapped him on the back, “can’t have y’a gettin’ a big head. Figured it’d be good for y’a to have to share the day for once…”

     Spider collided with his dad, giving him a bone crushing hug. He knew his dad was lying to him about his reasonings. Deep down he wanted to do something nice for his friends. And that meant more to Spider than any of the gifts under the tree ever could. His dad held him just as tight, kissing him on the temple. “Merry Christmas son,” he said again tenderly.

     “Merry Christmas dad,” Spider said, more joy then he ever thought possible taking over his entire being.