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He’d spent weeks thinking about how he’d like to spend his final day on earth since he’d first heard the news. He’d already gotten all his big wishes out of the way - everything from spending lots of time with his family and friends to finally getting a huge tattoo. He’d taken in a cat and a dog since rescues were now just giving them away. He ate as many delicious meals as he wanted until his cheeks filled and his chest expanded - always the first to go when he gained weight.
He’d even gone back to Daegu for a while and walked the streets of his old neighborhood, soaking up the memories until the sky turned crimson and the air became riddled with more pollution than their usual yellow dust.
He’d spent lots of precious time with his members and life-long friends once he returned. All the guys were older and established with their own families, so they would understandably be spending their last day with them, but they still spared time for their lifetime bachelor Suga hyung.
He wasn’t ashamed to say every single one of them had cried in each other's arms. They’d all gone through so much together - grew up together, really - and they’d lived a good life until now. He’d reverted into his role of Bangtan Father Figure and comforted them as much as he could, holding their youngest members as they clung to him and cried into his seven million won jacket. The final goodbyes with his members had been even harder than the ones with his parents and brother. Poor Jungkook had cried so hard that Seokjin had to carry him to his car, and Hobah hadn’t been much better.
That had been yesterday, though, and now all of his members were safely ensconced in their homes with their families to wait out their final day on Earth before the planet killed them all.
He’d never looked into every detail of the circumstances. Didn’t feel like he needed to because he grasped the basics - global warming, planet combusts, everything dies. Today was the day the news had announced was the suspected D-day, and judging by the way the world was crumbling around them, it was accurate.
As it was, breathing was getting harder and the temperatures were scorching. The sky had been a canvas of crimson, orange, and yellow for days. Debris fell from the sky as bits of the planet itself were obliterated. The scientists had predicted that the planet wouldn’t be completely destroyed, only just enough to kill everything and everyone off. Then in perhaps hundreds of years or more, life could begin again. He could only hope that if the afterlife were a thing, his spirit would survive and he’d be reborn with his members again.
Ah , he sighed into his drink. He’s getting sappy. He didn’t even really believe in reincarnation or anything. But he’d want to be reborn and live next to him again.
He closes his eyes and rolls the whiskey on his tongue as he settles into his recliner. He grabs the remote and hovers his thumb over the button, preparing himself mentally for what he’s about to watch. He exhales heavily and presses it, setting the controller down nearby in case it becomes too much and he needs to turn it off and finally turns his attention to the screen.
The video comes to life slowly as an incredibly young version of himself peeks into view and grins at the camera while he adjusts the stand it sits on. The quality isn’t great because he’d purchased the old thing second-hand but it did the job.
Yoongi shakes his head as he observes himself, noting the lack of his current wrinkles and the slim - nearly starving - physique. Not that he wasn’t still looking pretty damn good for someone that just turned forty-three.
The boy in the video had just left home and joined BigHit. They still haven’t formed an actual group, he’s still at the bottom of every evaluation, and his knees are skinned and rubbed raw from trying to keep up with all the dancing. But his eyes are bright and he’s smiling at another kid that runs inside the dance studio.
“Hyung, I’m back! Mom packed some dinner for you. Make sure you eat it all before the manager comes in.”
The young Namjoon is a gangly thing with arms and legs that are too long for him to handle. He bends and smiles into the camera then shoves the fabric-wrapped bundle of food at Yoongi, watching him fondly as he shovels the food down his throat. Namjoon had always gone home to his parents at least once a week and always made sure to bring his starving roommate extra food. Their diets at the time had been brutal.
Yoongi observes the two of them on the video, shaking his head as he watches them practice (very badly) some choreography to get them through the next evaluation.
His idea for starting this video had been a little sad. He hadn’t been sure he would make it. He’d hoped and dreamed - worked his ass off - but you can never be completely sure of what the future holds. He’d always been more of a hope for the best but prepare for the worst kinda guy. So he’d bought the old camera and decided to film what he could so that when he someday was kicked out and had to go back to working some mundane retail job, he could look back at the memories.
Only each clip that he added to the files of videos over the years showed them rising higher and higher. And he always made sure to get lots of close-ups of the man that held his heart.
Not that he’d ever admitted that bit out loud, but it was no less true. He thought he could almost see himself falling as he watched the videos, observing the two of them go from teenage boys with alpha complexes to being best friends in chronological order. Not that they always got along - even they had their fiery battles where Namjoon could be the pettiest bitch alive and Yoongi had the magical ability to say exactly what could hurt the most. But they both had the same dream and both were stubborn as hell so they’d learned their way around each other. Eventually, Yoongi realized that the feelings of respect he’d developed for his friend and member kept growing until it was verging on dangerous.
He’d always known he wasn’t quite…straight. Maybe not gay. Bi? Whatever. He’d never really liked labels. He’d had crushes on a few girls in high school and a few crushes on some male celebrities. He’d planned on marrying a woman and having kids to make his parents happy eventually, but he’d never felt for anyone else what he felt for Kim Namjoon. No matter how many blind dates he’d been set up on or escorts and models he’d fucked - not a single one of them was able to erase the way his heart skipped a beat when that big smile with his ridiculously deep dimples was aimed at Yoongi.
However, his defining characteristics were that he’s a true Pisces and a workaholic, so he did what he did best - pined from afar and threw himself into his work. He’d done that successfully all these years, even as his members grew up, found their own loves, and created their own lives outside of their group. He found his version of happiness filling the world with his music.
Still, he’d never stopped filming the videos. He’d never posted them publicly like JK had with his GC films. These weren’t for the world to see. These were memories that he kept for himself. For days like today, he supposed, when he was sitting all alone and facing the end of the world with just a drink and his precious memories.
Surprisingly, he seemed to have kept them fairly balanced between the members. He had as many clips of the kids being silly as he did of Namjoon or himself. Lots of them hanging out in their old dorms, graduations, and silly teen antics. A bunch of videos of them drinking and acting stupid, usually having heated debates over absurd topics for fun, and Namjoon drunkenly discussing philosophical shit that put the younger ones to sleep.
All their big moments he caught on film usually the second the Bighit cameras were gone, so he had lots of clips of them sobbing after winning their first awards.
Actually, after that first award he’d had to pause the clip for a moment, staring at the way Namjoon was looking into the camera. At the time, he’d probably missed it or dismissed it - he didn’t remember. But now…the way that Namjoon stared into the camera…was because Yoongi was behind it. He was puffed up with pride and had that gorilla chin thing going on, but there was something else there. Something that made current Yoongi’s chest flutter dangerously.
He fast-forwarded through other scenes for the next hour, noticing the trend. Namjoon would melt whenever Yoongi busted out his old camera and looked into the lens like the two of them were the only ones there.
Huh.
He’d never even noticed. He’d always been caught up in the moments as well, so maybe that was why. Or maybe the obliterated ozone was making him hallucinate. Whatever. He saw…something there.
Or maybe he was just grasping for something to hold onto during his final moments.
He sighed and slid from his seat, intending to top off his drink and maybe grab a pack of cookies. One benefit of being hours from death - no dieting.
He put a few cookies on a plate, stared at it, then set the whole package on the tray as well. Then he grabbed his bottle of whiskey - a forty-five-year-old single malt scotch that he threw thousands down for that tasted just barely better than the stuff he bought at the grocery store for fifty won - and prepared himself another glass.
He carried his tray of goods back to his seat and settled back in to watch more, pausing now and then to give the Maltese he’d adopted a cookie.
After a few hours, the lights started to flicker and he stood up to peek outside. The sky was a violent crimson now, shot with orange and smatterings of black. There were small fires all over the city as things burned and crumbled. A cloud was in the far distance - crimson as everything else - but swirling and filled with debris. He figured that was probably going to be what took him out. He had no idea how he was staying as calm as he was.
He took a shaky breath and reached down to pet the grey cat he’d adopted along with the Maltese. They were both anxious but dealing with it well.
The cat meowed and twirled around his legs.
“What do you need, Mellodi? Are you hungry?”
He hums and leads the cat to the kitchen, the little white fluffball he’d named Gangaji (because he didn’t have the brain power left to think of anything better and it’s not like the pup would have to live with it forever) following them for a treat of his own.
He fixes them the wet food he’d gotten from the shelter and watches them for a moment, wishing he’d gotten them sooner. It was nice having someone to take care of at home.
He leaves them to their supper and goes back to the living room, realizing he’d forgotten to pause the video. It was playing the moment he’d busted out his old camera as Namjoon got ready for his wedding. He’d looked amazing - of fucking course he had.
His hair had been dyed black and he’d gone with the usual black and white tux, but with little Namjoonesque accessories.
And holy fuck, there was that look again. Namjoon stared into the lens right into Yoongi’s soul, smiling a little.
“Hyung. I should do this, right?”
He remembered how he’d practically heard alarm bells when Namjoon had said that.
“You should only do what you want to do, Joon. You don’t have to marry someone to love them. Is this something you want?” He heard himself say and nodded at his sage wisdom.
Namjoon sighed. “Yeah. Yeah, I care about her and I’m excited to have a family.”
He turned to the camera again and grinned into the lens.
“You ever wanna get married, hyung? Or are you strictly dickly these days?”
Yoongi had scoffed playfully. “Maybe. I’m in no rush. Plus, you know, I’m hard to deal with.”
Namjoon shook his head and frowned into the camera.
“You’re perfect, hyung. Not traditionally perfect, perhaps, but the perfect Yoongi. You know? You don’t need to change or become someone that is “easy to deal with.” Someone will learn to fit themselves to your puzzle piece instead of jamming them together - like we did. You know?”
Namjoon had veered so much into his metaphor land that he nearly sounded like Taehyung.
“Yeah, I hear you. And you’ll be good too.”
Namjoon nodded, then took a deep breath. His eyes flattened into slits as he stared at Yoongi.
“I love you, hyung.”
“Love ya too, babo.”
Yoongi stared at the screen, breathing in shakily. Fuck, he loved that man so much. He rewound the video, staring at Namjoon’s face as he said the words again.
“I love you, hyung.”
He could almost pretend they were said the way he’d always wanted to hear them.
He sighed wearily and scratched the cat’s head when she jumped on him for attention. No sense dwelling on this now.
He shut off the TV and leaned back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling while he continued to pet the cat. The clocks all over the house showed that it was almost ten in the evening now, which explained why he was starting to feel a little tired. Maybe he should just spend his last moments on earth doing what he loved best - napping.
He nods to himself and groans as he heaves himself from the chair. He begins to shuffle towards the bedroom with his two new shadows following behind him when he hears his door rattle.
Gangaji gives a single tiny bark and then he hears a knock. Not just any knock, but a series of four followed by a pause then two more. Namjoon’s knock.
Yoongi’s eyebrows practically fly off his face in his surprise. He quickly jogs towards the door and messes with the locks, suddenly annoyed at his demand that there be at least four of them. Finally, he lifted the last latch and swung the door open, staring up in wonderment as Kim Namjoon stood there heaving heavy breaths as the world crumbled behind him.
“What the fuck are you doing, Namjoon? Get the fuck inside!”
He pulls the man into his apartment, his face turning bright pink from the small blast of heat and his worry.
“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be with your wife and kids. You could have gotten seriously hurt! You could have… there's like fire out there and probably lava and shit and…”
Yoongi’s rant is muffled when a big hand grabs him by the shirt and pulls him closer. Namjoon is looking down at him - beautiful, glorious Namjoon who is a little bit sweaty from running around out there and has a cut on his arm - and Yoongi’s protests die.
Namjoon is giving him the look from the video. The one that made his heart race and his stomach feel like he ate stew that had been on his Halmoni’s stove for five days straight.
“I couldn’t do it.”
Yoongi screws his nose in confusion. “Couldn’t do what?”
“I couldn’t live my last night on earth in a lie. I couldn’t…I tried to lay down with Aera and the kids but I just kept thinking of you here alone and…”
Oh. It was a charity thing.
He forces a smile and pats his friend’s chest. That bouncy and plump chest that he still had after all these years…
He cleared his throat to make his straying thoughts cease.
“You don’t have to worry about hyung, Joon. I got a couple of kids myself and I’m good. You need to go home,” he waves a hand carelessly and shows Namjoon the animals he’d gotten.
Namjoon stares at them for a second and it’s obvious that he has to fight the urge to reach down to the puppy. He shakes his head and stares at Yoongi again, his gaze tightening with some sort of resolve.
“No, hyung. The lie is that my home isn’t you . I want to be here with you . I love you and I always have. You don’t have to do anything just…let me stay with you.”
Yoongi’s heart is hammering in his chest as he stares up at his friend. “Like…romantically?”
Namjoon’s smile quirks and he raises his eyebrow. “Yeah, hyung. Like romantically.”
“How long?”
Yoongi wasn’t sure that the answer mattered anymore, but he was curious.
“Long time. Years and years. All the reasons why I didn’t go for it seem stupid and irrelevant now. But I…I just wanted to be selfish. Can I just…be selfish for today? Our final day on earth and I want to…” his head drops and Yoongi can hear his voice begin to wobble. “I want to die with you in my arms. I want to hold you and tell you I love you and that…that even though I don’t believe in reincarnation I want to just so we can do better next time.”
Yoongi leans forward and presses his forehead into Namjoon’s chest. He breathes in deeply - taking note that underneath the sulphuric odor from outdoors, he was still wearing that fancy body wash scent.
“I want that too,” he whispered, deciding fuck yeah, they can be selfish. He’d been sharing Namjoon with the world for twenty-five years. He deserves one fucking night.
“Yeah?” Namjoon tilts his head up by his chin. “I kinda suspected sometimes that maybe you too but…do you love me? Like romantically?” He grins.
Yoongi sighs dramatically, an answering shy smile tilting his lips. “Yeah, like romantically.”
Namjoon gives his real smile then, the one that shows both dimples and the shine from his teeth could power a small country. Yoongi always loved Namjoon’s smile.
Silently, he lets Namjoon lead them to the bedroom. He nods at the other's feet and Namjoon clumsily kicks off his shoes and - after sneaking a peek at Yoongi - snakes out of his jeans too. Yoongi climbs into bed and watches as Namjoon lowers himself next to him. How many nights had he laid in this very spot wishing he’d look over and see this very sight?
Namjoon sighs as he lays his head on the pillow and reaches for Yoongi. The smaller man allows himself to be pulled closer and molded into the cage of Namjoon’s larger frame. He takes a deep breath and laces their legs together, pointedly ignoring the sound of glass breaking from somewhere in the living room. The animals race to get under the bed and he ignores that too, focusing only on the fact that he’s finally where he belongs at last.
“I love you,” Namjoon rumbles, smiling happily. “Love you. Feels so good to finally get to say it.”
Yoongi knows exactly what he means. Feels the need to say it over and over again like it’s a ward to keep him safe.
“Love you, Kim Namjoon,” he sighs, reaching an arm across the small waist to pull himself even closer to him. Fuck, if he could figure out how to meld themselves together he totally would.
Namjoon reaches out a large hand to tilt Yoongi’s face up, kissing him softly. Petal soft kisses span his entire face as Namjoon kisses first his lips, then his nose, both of his closed eyelids and finally his forehead before placing his hand on top of Yoongi’s head and playing with the strands.
The sound of wood splintering has Yoongi whimpering and trying to get closer still, even if it’s physically impossible.
The end was here at their beginning.
“Hyung. I’ll love you next time too, okay? Don’t forget.”
It’s getting harder to breathe as toxic fumes reach them and Yoongi fights to keep his eyes open. He stares hard at the man holding him, the love of his life. Of all his lives, if he had his way. The one he grew up with, fought with, dreamed with, loved with all his heart.
“I’ll remember, Joon. Go to sleep now. I love you.”
He watches as Namjoon tries to take one last huge breath, then his eyes shut and his arms tighten around Yoongi. He stares for one more second and then closes his own, sleeping forever in the arms of his love.