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Fury thought it was a great idea. Tony, almost by proxy, thought that it was the worst idea ever to be suggested, ever. The whole team building thing was a little far-fetched anyway, what could bring people together faster than near death situations and threats of bodily harm? But this was taking the biscuit. The biscuit, the cake, the whole motherfucking picnic was taken by now. He looked at the strange pair before him, Cassie less than half of Fury's height but still standing tall and unafraid next to him, and knew he was screwed.
For old times sake, he opened his mouth to argue, but Cassie turned her puppydog eyes on him and that was it. He agreed so readily it shocked even Fury, who grinned sharkily and sent them on their way.
"Beach day!" Cassie crowed as soon as they got back to the Avengers compound. Tony shrugged helplessly behind her, enjoying the mingling looks of joy, confusion and trepidation on his teams' faces, although he knew that they must be mirrored by his own.
"Well," Steve sighed, glancing around at them, "does anyone have any shorts?"
Two hours, fifteen rounds of 'ten green bottles' and thousands of 'are we nearly there yet's from Thor, Scott and Clint, they reached an area of the country special only by its proximity to the coast and large quantities of sand. Vision had managed to dig up swimming trunks and bikinis for everyone, as well as some bucket and spades, a surfboard and a large stripy pole, while Steve had bought a disposable barbecue (after asking Fury to ensure that it would be okay, like the concerned citizen he was).
As soon as they were out of the car, Thor was racing towards the sea, one arm holding the surfboard steady and the other flinging off his shoes, socks and shirt. It was a sight to behold, luscious blond hair flowing majestically behind him as he made a beeline for the ocean. The rest of the team, who were getting out of the car a lot slower, stopped unpacking to marvel at the sight.
Having reached the ocean, and splashed his way in a few feet, Thor flung the surfboard onto the waves and jumped onto it with vigour, only to be upturned immediately in a large splash and a flailing of limbs. He surfaced, sputtering, and clambered back on to the board with a complete lack of dignity. This time he lasted about two seconds, wobbling precariously on the board before losing what little balance he had and falling straight back in. In a show of determination which proved why he was worthy of Mjolnir, Thor refused to give up and chose instead to attempt a different tactic.
It was almost painful for the rest of them, minus Wanda who was already sunbathing and didn't give a shit and Clint who was cracking up so hard he was gasping for breath. Every time Thor tried again, he was brutally shut down by the slight rocking of the surfboard and the resistance, however small, of the waves. It was worth it though, for the moment when Thor finally wobbled, rocked, and stayed on his feet. Everyone clapped, even Wanda, as he proudly stood aloft, face dropping every time the waves moved slightly to far and fast for his like but staying on nonetheless.
"Come on, fellow Steven," Thor called, beckoning to Steve with his entire arm. This presented a problem when he realised that it had thrown him off balance, resulting in an ungraceful tumble back into the water. Shaking his head, Steve left the Peter and Sam attempting to put up a windbreaker and wandered towards Thor, stopping when he reached the water's edge. Thor grinned, head bobbing up and down as his hair fanned about him like some kind of mermaid. He dragged the surfboard over to Steve, practically flinging at him in his eagerness to persuade Steve to take a go.
"Go on Cap!" Tony called from his safe spot far away from the sea, but from where he could still ogle at Steve's body when he eventually gave in and got on the board. Steve looked up, his hand raised to shelter his eyes from the sun, but he knew that he could see Tony looking smug up above the waves.
"Do me a favour," he whispered to Thor, passing him.
"Anything, my comrade," Thor replied heartily, clapping him on the back.
Steve jerked his head minutely towards the others, "Tony looks like he needs a hug. Go and give him one?"
"Much as I would like to provide our friend Stark with some comfort, I regretfully remind you that I have just got out of the ocean, and as such - oh!" Steve nodded as Thor caught on and his blue eyes twinkled with mischief, taking the surfboard and wading out into the water.
He was terrible at surfing, falling off about 700 times even as he cursed his reflexes for being so sharp that he often recompensed for tilting too far one way by throwing himself far too far in the other which had the same result as if he had left it. He took pleasure, however, in Tony's high-pitched squeals as Thor came after him to soak him, and his complaints when Steve did give up and carry the surfboard back to them.
"Since you're already wet," Steve grinned innocently, thrusting the board upon him, "it wouldn't be much of a stretch for you to have a go."
"No, no" Tony sputtered, already trying to unload it onto somebody else, but they wouldn't take it, enjoying the image of Tony attempting far too much, "I couldn't, I wouldn't, I won't..."
"Oh, but you will," Natasha quirked an eyebrow, arms folded and lips raised slightly in a smirk. Tony looked about him once more for assistance, but seeing that no-one was on his side, he gave up, and grumbled his way towards the ocean.
Three tries later, during one of which he wasn't even fully on the board before he fell off, Tony was done. Still complaining, looking for all the world as if he hadn't stopped throughout his entire attempt, he dropped the board at Steve's feet.
"I hate the taste of salt and I'm shit at surfing," he announced to the entire uncaring group.
"You hate the taste of salt?" Steve asked, looking upset. "I guess that means I can't kiss you then, since I've been in the ocean and all."
Tony suddenly decided that the taste of salt was, in fact, his personal favourite taste.
While Steve and Tony were trying to taste each other's tongues through the salt, Sam picked up the surfboard from where Tony had had thrown it haphazardly, offering it to Pietro.
"How about you?" Pietro glanced up slightly to Sam's expectant face, taking the board and grinning cockily at his sister and boyfriend.
"Does he have good balance?" Peter muttered to Wanda, who smiled happily.
"Terrible."
"This is going to be good."
Unfortunately for Peter and Wanda's entertainment, Pietro's lack of balance seemed to be (for lack of a better word) balanced by his speed and reflexes, fast enough to stay on top of the waves rather than under them even if he was just a blur to the rest of the team. When he eventually did fall in, laughing at the look of judgement on Natasha's face, Peter joined Pietro in the water, using him as a step to climb onto the board without it flipping round and hitting him on the face as it had Tony. Once he was up, wobbling so badly that it was a miracle gravity was somehow ignoring him, Peter triumphantly floated above the waves.
"How are you still up?" Bruce called over, seeming to be working out the physics of it, "You should have fallen off about five times by now!" Pietro, still standing in the waves nearby to Peter, agreed.
"You look like you're gonna fall off," he told his boyfriend, moving slightly closer, "maybe you should get off before you do?"
"I'll be fine," Peter waved him off, enjoying his time above the waves, and Pietro resorted to hovering awkwardly nearby in case of a fall. It took Sam's pity, in the end, to relieve Pietro of spotting duty, as he asked Peter if he could have a go and, while Peter's back was turned, winked conspiratorially at Pietro.
"I'm still not sure about you and my sister," Pietro mused, "but thanks." Sam nodded as he got onto the surfboard, struggling a little but eventually managing to get up there. He was surprisingly good, significantly more of a natural than any of the other attempts even if he wasn't going to be winning awards for poise anytime soon.
"Wandaaaa," Sam called when he was done, running over to where she was half-asleep sunbathing. Her only response was a grunt as she rolled over to where he couldn't drop any more cold water droplets onto her warm stomach, but he wouldn't give up. "Come on, have a go, it's really fun!" he pleaded, shaking her slightly.
"Leave me alone," she mumbled into the beach towel.
"Just one go?" No response. "I'll hold you up, I promise!" Still no response.
It was a credit to Sam's stubbornness that Wanda decided that it would be easier to go along with the surfing than continue to argue with him about being allowed to sleep, especially as he was threatening to pick her up and dunk her in the sea anyway. She did take him up on his offer to hold him up, slithering onto the board and getting him to hold onto her ankles so that, despite the waves increasing in size, she stayed up and even enjoyed it.
It was Wanda's enjoyment that pushed Natasha into trying out the surfing as well. She had also been relaxing, caring less about tanning and more about ignoring the stupidity of her team, but seeing Wanda laughing brightly as Sam pushed her along and kept her upright had Natasha curious.
She took the surfboard from Wanda and stepped onto it with all of the grace that was expected from someone with her skill set. Clint almost offered help, but one glare let him know that she was fully capable of doing this by herself, thank you very much. She stood on the board completely straight, seemingly unaffected by the waves that had wiped out everyone before her, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration and lips pinched.
"She's not enjoying this," Clint muttered, watching her hawkishly and somehow picking up on signs of discomfort that were so minute no-one else could spot them. He dawdled for a moment, making up his mind, before running down to the water's edge, splashing through the shallows until he was up to his waist.
"Let me show you how it's done," he winked, reaching out a hand to help her down, "I'm a pro at this." She accepted his helping hand and stepped down, giving him the room to scramble into her place.
He stood up just fine, balancing perfectly and not even paying attention to the rocking of the waves. The second that he was steady on the board, however, the slightest wave threw him off and he wiped out spectacularly, tumbling feet over head into the water. Natasha, still standing nearby, smiled slightly.
And so it continued, with Clint showing small signs of being good at surfing before falling for no particular reason, and always over-dramatically. Natasha went from smiling to grinning, and from grinning to full-on laughing. When Clint relinquished the board to Vision, who refused to move his feet from where they were planted and so fell off, he was holding his head in the hair triumphantly, despite not having stayed on his feet for longer than a second.
"My eyes! My eyes!" Bruce screeched, suddenly realising that keeping his eyes open under salty water might not be the best plan. Bucky, for his part, found the actual surfing less hilarious than watching everyone else.
"Are you going to have a go, Scott?" Steve called, holding up the board.
"No, I think I'll just stay here with Cassie," Scott replied, still sitting dry on the top of the beach.
"But I want a go, daddy!" Cassie jumped to her feet making grabby hands at Steve.
Scott sighed hesitantly. "Sweetheart, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. Maybe when you're older?"
"Nonsense," Tony piped up from behind Steve, "we can teach her to surf, can't we Cap?"
"If Scott doesn't mi-" Steve was cut off as Cassie launched herself at him to hug his midriff. "Yeah, of course, we'll teach you." Together, he and Tony led her down to the water, where the problems began. After a struggle to get Cassie onto the surfboard, and a few close calls at keeping her on, the two of them had worked out a system. With Tony holding Cassie's ankles and Steve holding her waist, she was secure, but there was still a problem.
Steve glanced back at where the rest of the team were lounging about. His go-to people of Sam, Scott or Clint were busy, talking to Wanda, Bruce and Natasha respectively, so he went with the next best thing. "Peter!" Peter's head shot up. "Come here!"
Peter ran over to him, Pietro in tow, which made Steve groan.
"Without going too fast," here he glared at Pietro, "push Cassie along with us, please?" They both nodded, taking up places at the back and front of the board. Soon Cassie was giggling adorably as Pietro rocked the surfboard enough to amuse her without coming close to knocking her off, and Peter was guiding them safely along the waters. Scott, on the shore, seemed much more relaxed than he had been at first, and when Cassie ran over to him and told him all about it, he thanked them all heartily.
"Since we've just got out of the water, why don't we go swimming?" Steve suggested, still dripping wet.
"Fuck no, it's fucking cold, no way!" Tony replied vehemently, sitting down determinedly in the sand. A second later, he was squealing higher than Cassie as Steve was carrying him bridal style back towards the ocean.
"Why are you doing this to me?" he complained, attempting to guilt Captain America into putting him down.
"I'm getting the grease off," Steve replied calmly, dunking him in the water and ignoring his screams of displeasure.
"Come on guys!" Steve beckoned the others over, still holding Tony firmly by the waist so that he didn't leave.
"I think I'm gonna stay here," Bruce muttered in reply, shuffling backwards as though afraid that Steve was going to drag him in too. Steve may have done, if he hadn't been preoccupied with keeping Tony in the water with him, which left it to the others to entice Bruce in. Sam, standing shoulder deep in the water, called,
"It's lovely, Bruce!"
"You're shaking." Bruce dead-panned, and Sam made an obvious effort not to. "You're turning blue," Bruce continued, although he was smiling slightly.
"Just enjoying the atmosphere," Sam replied.
"The temperature is 57.2 degrees Fahrenheit, Mr Banner," Vision, rather unhelpfully, announced, and Bruce's shoulders began to shake in laughter that was obviously fake.
"There is no way I am getting in there," he decided, ignoring the groans and protests from all around.
"Come on Bruce," Peter begged, and Bruce cursed his soft spot for the overly energetic but terrifically smart teen as he eventually gave in, wading into the ocean. The plan was to only walk in up to his calves, but somewhere along the way he ended up fully submerged, splashing Tony with Steve. Thor joined in, his overly energetic nature causing mini tidal waves to crash over his intended victim, which was, more often than not, Pietro. Soon the entire team was squealing and ducking away from him, doing everything in their power to avoid his powerful blasts.
"Tony, are you hiding under the water so that you don't get wet?" Bruce mocked his friend, who had just submerged himself in the ocean when he saw Thor aiming at him, "Isn't that kind of against the point?"
"It's a tactical move on my part," Tony replied snootily, with no indication of what on earth his tactic actually was.
Cassie looked over from where she and Scott were standing in the shallows, jumping over the small waves that rippled onto the beach. "It's not that bad!" She called, laughing as Thor directed his (lessened, in light of her smaller size) attentions onto her.
An ear-piercing screech cut through the joyful atmosphere, and all heads immediately turned to Peter, who was muttering something to Pietro. Whatever Peter said caused Pietro to fall backwards into the water, laughing hysterically, which only served to make the situation more mysterious.
"Are you okay?" Steve called, ready to go into teen mum mode.
"Something touched my foot," Peter replied, not looking up.
"And what was it, Peter?" Pietro popped up from under the waves.
Here Peter did look up, avoiding everyone's eyes shamefully. "Seaweed," he muttered morosely.
"Seaweed is the devil," Clint nodded seriously, and Peter stopped looking so bashful, even if he was still red.
"What are the Black Widow and the Witch of Scarlet doing?" Thor asked suddenly, interrupting Peter's moment of shame as everyone began to watch the two women.
Vision took a closer look. "They appear to be...exercising? Using some long fluorescent floats."
"Beach aerobics," Clint sighed knowingly, shaking his head, "I knew Nat was getting antsy that she didn't get her daily practise in, but I didn't think that she'd drag Wanda into it."
"They're probably using the time to work out how to kill us in our sleep," Tony lowered his voice, although Natasha still glanced over quickly as though she had heard, causing Tony to hide behind Steve.
Throughout this discussion, Bucky had been edging closer and closer to the girls. Suddenly, with no warning, he sent a massive wave splashing over them, drenching them completely. By the time they had pushed their hair out of their eyes, Bucky was looking suitably innocent. Natasha and Wanda glanced right over him, their anger directed instead towards Thor, who desperately tried to convince them that it wasn't him, but found it hard to be convincing persuasive when he was being held under the surface.
The team could quite conceivably have stayed in the water all day, splashing around and generally acting like three year olds, if it wasn't for Clint. One second they were all huddled around playing with a beachball, the next someone (probably Vision) had yelled "Shark!" and they were all running for the safety of the beach. Pietro was standing on the beach with a rescued Peter and Cassie in tow, while the rest of them were left to fight it out in a scramble for the shoreline. Steve turned around for a second and caught a glimpse of the infamous dorsal fin, too caught up in the adrenaline to be surprised that a shark was so close to shore.
"Where's Clint?" Natasha sounded uncharacteristically worried as she spun desperately around, eyes flicking over everyone to try and pick out the one that she was looking for. "Where is he?"
"I'm sure he's just..." Steve was prevented from having to come up with a reasonable excuse for Clint's mysterious disappearance when a familiar voice called,
"Surprise!"
Slowly, they all twisted back to face the sea. Clint was standing in the water, a wide grin on his face and a fake shark fin on his back. The team's attention turned to Natasha, who was glaring at Clint.
"Dick," she muttered, slapping him playfully, but she was laughing too, and the team breathed a collective sigh of relief.
"Who's up for building sandcastles?" Sam suddenly intervened, holding up a bucket and spade. Seeing the uninterested faces that followed his comment, he corrected, "Who's up for a sandcastle building competition?"
Everybody cheered.
It didn't take long for the competitiveness to take hold, and before long the sandcastles were ready to be judged by Bucky, who had knocked over his attempt before anyone could see it and announced that he would be the neutral person involved. Vision also chose to judge, as his 'sandcastle' was just a pile of sand in a mound shape.
Thor had basically recreated Asgard, complete with proportioned buildings and places for parks. Steve, on the other hand, had gone for a really stereotypical cutesy one, well proportioned and without chunks missing. Cassie's castle was small, but decorated with shells and seaweed and even a moat, courtesy of Clint.
Scott's sandcastle didn't count, seeing as it was being propped up by the bucket and, when that was moved, immediately slumped. Neither did Peter's, as he had made sandpies instead. Natasha's sandcastle was a fortress, and so sturdy that it could probably have been used for SHIELD headquarters.
Bruce and Tony had both gone for the 'defying the laws of physics' look, Bruce muttering equations as he tried to make it perfect and Tony's looking as though it should not have been able to stand up.
"What happened to yours?" Vision asked Sam, who's sandcastle seemed unfinished, "You said you had definitely won earlier."
"My brother knocked it down," Wanda glared at Pietro out of the corner of her eye, as he smirked and shrugged.
"He got too proud. You shouldn't have helped him rebuild it, really."
Vision and Bucky left them to their bickering and announced that Cassie (and Clint for the moat), had won.
The next game that they decided to play was limbo. Vision immediately grabbed the pole and kept tight hold of it throughout the entire game, effectively saving himself from the embarrassment of having a go.
"Limbo?" Thor asked, when Bruce tried to explain it, "Is that not the heaven for children?"
"Well, yes, but -"
"The death of a child is never a game, comrade," Thor refused to listen to the team's attempts to correct him.
"Just, just go, Peter," Bruce muttered wearily, "show him how it's done."
Peter's protests that he had always been and would always be shit at limbo passed straight over their heads, so that in the end he gave up and attempted to bend under the pole.
After five tries in which he either fell or hit his head, Peter decided that it would be easier to just bend over and walk under.
"It can't be that hard," Thor scoffed, getting really into it once he realised that they weren't killing children. He was soon eating his words, however, as he soon discovered that it was far more difficult than one would think. Every time he thought that he had succeeded, his head or shoulder would hit the bar and he would have to start all over again. Luckily, the longer it took the funnier it seemed to get for him, and the better he felt when he (eventually) succeeded.
"Go on Pietro, you go next," Wanda urged from where she was holding the pole. Pietro glared at her for a while, suspicious, but eventually shook his head and prepare to race through. Unfortunately for him, as soon as he began to move Wanda dropped her side of the pole to half of it original height, and there was a low thud as he ran straight into it.
Rolling on the floor, holding his head, Pietro groaned in agony while Wanda raised the bar once more for Tony, who took one look at it and decided to just duck under.
Steve was really really good, and Sam was too, although his catchphrase seemed to be 'overdramatically does it'. Clint was heard to mutter, "she's beauty, she's grace," as Natasha went under, which earned him a slap.
Cassie was originally worried that she would look ridiculous, but when she went under was insanely proud. Neither Wanda nor Vision ever told her that they had held it higher for her.
Scott failed in every way possible, winking at Steve when Cassie (and Tony) broke own into giggles over it. Bruce did it perfectly, and Clint basically folded himself in half to fit under, but still made it.
The game ended when Bucky walked straight through the pole, snapping it in two, announcing, "I don't give a shit."
As the day game to a close, there was only one thing left to do. Everyone was looking forward to the barbecue, even Bruce. He had brought his own lunch, but sand has a way of getting into even the tightest of sealed boxes, so he reconciled himself to one cheat day from the new stress-relieving diet he was doing. Steve immediately took charge of the grilling, ensuring that no-one else touched the food until it was completely done.
Steve was so preoccupied with the actual cooking that he missed Tony catching fire. To this day, none of them knew how he did it, he got within three feet of the grill and spontaneously burst into flames. He shrieked, flailing around desperately, while Bucky watched apathetically and Natasha yelled, "Stop drop roll!"
In the end, Vision saved the day, producing a fire extinguisher seemingly out of thin air and spraying Tony with it, covering him head to toe in white foam. Steve chose then to look up, doing a double take at the chaos that had reigned whilst he looked away for two minutes, and yelling, "What the jibbers just happened?"
Around a mouthful of sausage that was so hot it was basically on fire, and probably not completely cooked, Thor replied, "Tony does not have an aptitude for fire, it would seem." The whole team agreed.
Pietro got impatient and bought about five ice creams to eat while he waited, although he did drop one on Scott who was relaxing on the sand.
As Clint smothered his hot dog in ketchup that ran down his chin until he looked like a vampire, and Scott yelled at Pietro whilst wiping sticky white goo off his stomach, Steve watched Wanda, Sam and Cassie playing tag on the beach, laughing and frolicking while Peter mocked Sam for falling over, and was struck by one thought.
This wasn't team building, this was family building. And he wouldn't give up this family for the world.