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It all started after Chicago.
Or to be more precise, it started right after Hassan's corpse hit the ground.
Still high on adrenaline, Soap, with a wild beating heart and shaking hands pressed his radio.
“Perfekt shot, LT.”
“You called it, Sergeant” answered Ghost’s deep voice back over the radio. A voice that would normally make a shudder run over Soap’s back and caress a deep, almost primal part of his brain, was now not much more than static in Soap’s mind. He slowly looked back and out the windows, he was almost dropped out from, and promptly shrunk back a few meters.
He could only hope that Ghost was already packing together and wasn’t seeing how spooked he was. He was a soldier for god’s sake! Not a little kid! Heights were never a problem for him before and they sure as hell weren't gonna start to be one today!
~~~
But Soap wasn’t that lucky. His heart wasn’t the only one beating like crazy. A few hundred meters away, locked in his sniper position, knelt Ghost, with his scope firmly secured on Soap, as he slowly stumbled through the room. Ghost just couldn’t look away, not till he knew Soap was safe. He almost lost him today. He almost lost what is his. His Johnny.
The protective beast within him pressed against his ribcage and stole his every thought except for one instinct. The instinct to keep his Johnny safe. To make sure he got out of the building and to whisk him away after, to some secure location where Ghost could protect and care for him.
These types of thought weren't new to Ghost. At least after Las Almas, where he sat in his church tower for hours, holding his breath any time Soap took too long to answer or reported bad news. Ghost relearned fear that day, but not fear for his own life. Fear for Johnny’s life.
As always when the beast took over his brain, Ghost pushed it down. Johnny wasn’t his. Johnny was a friend, a comrade, a part of the family within 141. And just because some stupid primal part of his brain liked Johnny, heck… maybe even loved him, didn’t mean that Soap felt the same!
The beast tried another comeback as Ghost saw Johnny shrink away from the windows, but Ghost kept it under control and made sure himself and Johnny made it back safely to debrief.
~~~
Two things changed that day.
Soap developed an intense fear of heights and the protective instincts of Ghost got ten times worse, compelling him to act like a shadow, always a few meters behind Johnny, to make sure he was safe.
Johnny's fear developed gradually. Looking a little bit more green after helicopter rides, talking less during those helicopter rides, always walking on the side away from windows if they had a mission to high up. He tried hiding it, but the worse it got, the more people found out.
Ghost, who always had an eye on him since that day, saw the signs early. His view after Hassan's death was the first instance of many, where he saw Johnny's new fear act up. But it didn’t take long for the rest of 141 to catch up.
What Ghost didn’t know was that one Kyle Garrick decided to take matters into his own hands and try to help his brother in arms.
~~~
They just finished up another big city mission, and were all ready to sleep this job off for at least the next fifty years, when Gaz came running up to Soap.
“Come on Soap! I gotta show you something! Come on! It’s cool, I promise!”
“Gaz! What the hell dae yae want from me? A just wanna go to sleep yae eejit!. Am pure done in.”
“Aw, don’t be like that! It’s a surprise!”
“Ok but if it’s just anotha server in these penguin suits, that ya find so funny, again, am gonna bite yea.”
“Ok, ok come on now!”
Gaz and Soap excitedly ran to the elevators, while Ghost silently followed them, or more so Johnny, as always.
This ‘safehouse’ that Laswell put them in this time, wasn’t a normal safehouse at all. It was a hotel, which was housed in a bigass skyscraper. Way fancier than the 141 usually got, but sometimes Laswell did decide to spoil them a little.
Ghost also had a hunch, that this 'safehouse' could have something to do with Nikolai, who had joined the 141 on this mission. Nikolai always did enjoy spoiling his husband rotten.
With all three men pressed in the elevator, Gaz first blindfolded Soap to ‘not spoil the surprise’ and then pressed the button all the way at the top. Ghost couldn’t help the bad feeling that came over him.
All the way at the top, Gaz pushed a blindfolded Soap through a door up on the roof and all the way to the edge.
“Gaz! Wot are ya doin’ you numpty?”
“Patience, Soap.”
The protective beast inside of Ghost roars up again. He does not like this at all and this time Ghost is absolutely on the same page, but before he can try to stop Gaz’s shenanigans, the blindfold is already removed with a quick flick of Gaz’s hand.
The fearful shriek that Johnny lets out as he looks down down down to the city, is heartbreaking for both Ghost and the beast within. And so are the wobbly steps he takes back from the abyss, till he bumps into Ghost’s chest. The collision makes him shriek again, while he abruptly spins around.
The terror in his Johnny's eyes lets the beast break free.
Gaz is just finished with his ‘Surprise! I call this exposure therapy!’ before he sees the damage he unintentionally caused.
The icy-cold, murderous stare he gets from Ghost is enough to freeze the blood in his veins.
“Hey… Soap… come on. This was supposed to help you.”
The moment Gaz’s hand makes contact with Soap’s shoulder, Soap jerks back, he's shaking like a leaf and his eyes are glazed over.
Seeing this, Ghost lets his instincts take over.
“Get lost, Garrick!”
“Hey calm down big guy I only wanted to help.”
“I think you have helped enough for one day! Now. Get. Lost. And that’s an order Sergeant!”
For a moment Gaz looks conflicted between Ghost and Soap, then he takes a few cautious steps in the direction of the door and leaves Ghost and Soap alone.
Finally alone, Ghost directs his attention back to his Johnny. His instincts scream at him to just take Johnny away and to never let anyone near him again, but Ghost knows that he has to act with caution.
He slowly, with his hands visible in front of him, approaches Soap.
“Johnny? You with me?”
“...”
“Johnny how copy?”
Something like recognition flashes over Soap's face.
“S-…Sol-...”
It pains Ghost deeply to see Johnny like that. His Johnny's mind seems to be drifting far far away. Somewhere far else.
“Hey Johnny. Don’t push yourself. Everything is ok. I swear. Can I touch you, sweetheart?”
After the smallest possible nod, Ghost closes the last bit of distance between them. With one hand on Soap’s hips and on behind his head he presses Johnny in a protective hug against his chest.
The beast within him purrs with his Johnny finally safe in his arms, even if Johnny is still shaking, now even more than before.
With Soap's face pressed against his chest, Ghost feels the wet spot on his clothes, even before he hears Johnny's first whimper as he starts crying.
The furry, that, up until this point, was second to Ghost’s worry, comes back at full force, now that he has his Johnny in his arms. He’s gonna kill Kyle the next time he gets him between his fingers, but first things first.
“Johnny, darling, I'm going to take you back to a room. Is it ok if I carry you?”
After another small nod, this time directly against his chest, Ghost slings one arm carefully around Johnny's back and the other under his knees. The first moments that Soap's feet leave the ground make him let out another wimmer. But after a few moments, Ghost feels Johnny relax back into his hold, while hiding his face in Ghost’s chest.
Ghost lets his instincts win for the first time and carefully walks, with this most precious cargo in hand, back to his own room. There, he gingerly lays his Johnny in the middle of his bed, and helps him out of his boots and outer layer.
He’s about to go and find/kill Gaz, as, the moment he steps away from the bed, Soap lets out another small, heartbreaking sound. He back at the bed as fast as lightning.
“Everything alright Johnny?”
A hesitant small nod.
“You don’t want me to go?
A surer nod.
“Ok Johnny. I won’t go, but at least let me get you a glass of water from the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Another nod, so speaking seems to still be off the table.
With the now filled glass of water in hand, Ghost softly nudges Johnny to get him to drink some of it.
With killing Gaz off the table for the time being and Soap still in such a vulnerable mindset, Ghost also strips off his boots and outer layer and lies down next to Soap.
The moment he gets into Soaps range, the scot cuddles up to him again. Ghost is glad to see that the daze seems to slowly leave Johnny's eyes, with each minute they get clearer.
After many minutes of cuddling and careful petting the scot’s back, Ghost feels Johnny sink into a deep sleep.
Ghost, after double-checking that Johnny is really out, carefully gets up from under the scot. And with one last look to his sleeping form, Ghost leaves his room silently.
Now to hunt a Kyle.
~~~
It’s like Kyle has been swallowed by the earth. Ghost doesn't find him in his room, nor the hotel lobby, nor the hotel bar. That only leaves Price’s room. It wouldn’t be the first that someone finds refuge wherever the team's dad is.
Ghost opens the door after a firm knock and a short “Come in” from Price. There, on Price’s bed, he finds not only Price but also Nikolai and Kyle.
The moment Kyle sees him, he’s off the bed and walking to him.
“Where is Soap? How is he? What happened to him?”
The second Kyle gets in reach, Ghost has him pressed against the closest wall, his eyes are ice-cold again.
“What the actual fuck where you even thinking Garrick! Putting Johnny in danger like that!”
“Simon! Calm down, son!”
“I’m not talking to you old man!”
“Ghost! Hey I'm sorry ok? I only wanted to help him!”
“How in the fuck is blindfolding him and putting him on the edge of a rooftop supossed to help, you idiot?!”
“Because it helped me! Ok! If you would just let me explain myself please!”
Ghost pulled back a few inches. Not enough to let Gaz free but enough so he wasn’t pressed against the wall anymore.
“Explain. Now.”
“Ok ok, thank you Ghost. So you remember the mission where I fell out of the helicopter? After that mission I always felt queasy while flying and heights weren't that nice either. But when I talked to Price and Nik about it, Nik thought that confronting my fear head on might help me. So he took me on multiple helicopter rides, till I got better.”
Ghost looked over to Nikolai for confirmation.
“It’s true, сын. It helped Kyle with his fears and it also helped me. After Kyle fell, I always felt guilty for it.”
Ghost saw Price lay a comforting hand on his husband's shoulder.
“Exactly. And so I thought that maybe something like this would also help Soap. But I was wrong. I see that now and I'm sorry for it.”
“What you did is not the same. Instead of going on a planned helicopter ride, you tricked him into going on the roof with you. You scared him into a panic. You acted without his permission. I’ll let you off the hook for now. I’ve left Johnny alone long enough as it is. But you better have a damn good apology ready the next time Soap sees you. Because I’m not the one you should apologize to.”
And with that, Ghost left the room as fast as he entered it.
~~~
When Ghost carefully stepped back into his room, he immediately saw that he took too long. His Johnny was curled in a ball on the far corner of Ghost’s bed. The shaking had started again and his frantic looking eyes were glazed over.
Ghost instantly went on the bed again and took a trembling Johnny in his arms.
“Shh… shh Johnny it’s me. It’s alright. Let it all out. Yes. It's all gonna be fine.”
This time Soap calmed down a little quicker. His breathing got slower and deeper. His shaking stopped. And the wimmers he let out were few and far between. The beast within Ghost purred again, as his Johnny relaxed against him again.
Minutes later he feels something in Johnny stir.
“Lt?”
“Yes Johnny?”
“Where are we? This is not ma room.”
“No, it’s mine. How are you feelin’?”
“Better, a think. Ma head feels like it’s filled with cotton. An am dead on ma feet. And Ghost... am sorry you had to see me like this. Getting scared like a wee bairn just because of some heights.”
“Don’t apologize. Don’t you ever apologize for something like this, darlin’. What Garrick did was stupid and reckless. He shouldn’t have tricked you like this. And I'm sorry I saw the warning signs too late And didn’t stop him in time.”
“Thank yae, Ghost. But you dinnea need to apologize either. Yae took care of me after all. It’s scary ta think that one rooftop could put me out of action.”
“If you want to work on that. We can. But under your terms and in a setting where you’re comfortable.”
“Yae’re so sweet Ghostie.”
“Soap, you muppet, don’t test me.”
“Aww, Am back to being ‘Soap’ again? I liked being yaer ‘darlin’.”
And of course Johnny heard that slip up.
“Yeah, well if you would behave for more than one minute and be a good boy, then maybe you could stay my darlin’ for more than a few seconds.”
“Oh really now. A could be the darlin’, the sweetheart, the treasure of the legendary Ghost? Wee ol’ me? Now how do A get this honor?”
And Ghost knew that it was too late now. He couldn’t talk himself out of his feelings anymore. His Johnny knew too much. Over the last few hours Ghost had revealed too much, had let his mask slip a little too much.
“You must know that I'm mad fer ya.”
“English, Riley.”
“I like you, MacTavish. I like you a lot. I like you so much that I don’t know what to do with myself half of the time.”
“Aww Ghost…”
“Simon. Call me Simon in moments like these.”
“Simon, A like yae too! Yae tell me A could have been yer darlin’ this whole time?!”
“My one and only. But Johnny before you jump head first into something you don’t fully understand. I’m… protective. The shadowing I did since chicago… it’s only gonna get worse if you decide to be mine.”
“Is that supposed ta be a threat? A love spending time with yae. A love feeling yae stand next to me. An A think it’s really freaking hot, when you get all protective over me.”
“Alright Johnny, if you’re sure about that.”
“Of course! A’ve never been so sure of something in ma life…”
Before Soap could say anything more, Ghost already pulled away his mask and pressed his mouth against Soap’s in a desperate kiss.
Ghost kissed as if he was starving, as if he was dying of thirst, as if he was suffocating and the only air he could breath was the one in Soap’s lungs.
The beast inside Ghost’s mind began purring again, now that he finally had what was his and now that his Johnny was wimmering again, but this time out of pleasure and not fear.
~~~