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Something Vi noticed very early on with Caitlyn was that she was never embarrassed or afraid to love. She gave it out as though it were an infinite resource.
“Oh I love this band!”
“I just love this dish.”
“I love her outfit, she looks lovely, don’t you think Vi?”
“I love you.”
The idea that Caitlyn could ever love Vi was preposterous at first. She never seemed to expect Vi to say it back, but still let the words fall from her tongue with little hesitation.
When Vi joined the enforcers, Caitlyn seemed to find a lot more things about Vi to love. Like her ability to befriend even the hardasses on her teams, how she looked in her uniform, her drive and ambition. And the more Caitlyn said things like that about her, the more Vi realized that Caitlyn thought highly of her. There were expectations to uphold now.
God, if Vi could only be half of what Caitlyn seemed to think of her, she could probably figure out just about anything.
Nowadays, Vi, though still a bit skeptical, doesn’t question Caitlyn’s love so much as she used to. Especially after she’d been assigned to a particularly dangerous mission closer to the undercity. She’d come into Caitlyn’s office to report her assignment, and let her know she may not be home that night. When she’d heard the news, Caitlyn shot up out of her chair, immediately rounding her desk and pulling Vi into a tight hug.
“Woah cupcake,” she’d said. “What’s the big deal, it’s just an assignment, I’ll be alright.” Still taking the opportunity to tuck her head under Caitlyn’s chin and leave a chaste kiss on her jaw.
When Caitlyn pulled back to hold Vi’s face in her soft hands, she fixed her with a firm set of her jaw and soft cerulean eyes.
“Just… just be careful, yes? I worry about you, that’s all.”
Vi looked at her for a moment.
Caitlyn had to wonder if she was coming back. She was afraid! For Vi of all people!
“Yeah. I love you too cupcake, so don't you worry. I’ll do about anything to get back to you.”
And then she was off. Leaving Caitlyn blushing and speechless in her office.
—
Something else Vi notices about Caitlyn, though it takes her admittedly a bit longer to fully realize this, is that Caitlyn is good. At first she was a bit blindsided by the fact that she was an enforcer, and wealthy, and the daughter of a counselor, all of which were signs pointing to Vi getting screwed over. But as time passed, Vi realized that Caitlyn only ever wanted better for those around her. Sometimes her actions were ignorant or misguided, but she was always ready with an open heart and mind to learn how to be better.
So yeah, Caitlyn is just inherently good, and Vi is just some dumbass from the trenches who only knows how to solve problems with her fists, and get herself into trouble. Trouble that Cait is often the one bailing her out of.
Vi wasn’t totally stupid. From a young age she’d known she was bad. She broke the law regularly, and was generally kind of a jackass of a kid to anyone but her little sister. And being thrown in maximum security federal prison didn’t exactly install any positive behaviors. So Vi’s always thought she might be bad. It’s sortof an internal battle she has with herself at all times. But after realizing how just, easily and intrinsically good Caitlyn is, she’s pretty sure she must just be naturally bad. Because she’s nothing at all like Caitlyn and never will be.
—
“Look at you go cupcake! First the sheriff of Piltover, now you’re making real meaningful change.” She tells Caitlyn as she sweeps her up off her feet in a great big hug on her way out of the Council meeting. Caitlyn’s giggle as Vi spins her around is infectious, and Vi can’t help the massive grin plastered on her face.
God she adores this woman. This woman who went out of her way to help some poor sumprat on false charges, who saw her agony and changed the world for her and the people she loved.
This woman who she would never, ever be able to measure up to.
“Vi!” She laughs. “Put me down!”
As soon as she’s steady on the ground again, Caitlyn brings Vi towards her by the back of her neck, and lays a loving kiss to her lips.
“I love you.” She says easily, resting their foreheads together.
‘I wish that I knew,’ Vi thinks, ‘what makes you think I’m so special. So worth all of this love that you throw around so freely.’
But she doesn’t say any of that. Instead, she says “I love you too, Cait.” Because it’s true, and for now, it’s enough.
—
“I don’t get it, Cait.” She says one day after trying and failing to put the pieces together on her own.
Caitlyn looks up from the reports she’s reading that are somewhat scattered over their coffee table.
“Don’t get what?”
“You, I guess. You throw around your love so easily and don’t seem to care about the consequences.” Vi starts, fidgeting with her hands as she talks, and trying not to make eye contact with her girlfriend. “You loved me so easily and so fast that it gave me whiplash and I just…”
She pauses. She’s sortof at a loss for words, but Caitlyn doesn’t interrupt. Lets her gather her thoughts and be decidedly finished before ever trying to interrupt.
“Y’know Cait, I’m not good. Not the way you are. And.. I dunno, I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I guess it feels like I couldn’t begin to do right by you.”
She’s not really sure why all of this is pouring out now, but it occurs to her that she hadn’t even realized she felt this way until she voiced it.
“I love how easily you love, cupcake. So if I could, I guess I’d want that for myself one day. Not need for my heart to be all hard ‘n shit…”
She trails off into mumbles at the end, but has no more left to say.
When she doesn’t hear anything for a moment except the shuffling of papers, she looks up to see that Caitlyn had been giving her undivided attention. Once the reports are out of her hands, she reaches out and drags Vi across the couch to rest in her arms.
“Violet.” She begins, and her tone makes it impossible to look anywhere but her striking blue eyes.
“You do right by me every day that you go into work and are the best enforcer you can be. You do right by me every evening that you come home, no matter how beaten and bloody you are. You do right by me every time you get into an argument with your commanding officer for being a shithead for no reason because you know I don’t have probable cause to fire him, but someone still needs to say something. You do right by me every day that you wake up still breathing.”
The look in her eye is stern, and Vi can’t tell if she should be feeling scolded or praised. She settles on a confusing amalgamation of things she can’t quite place. She looks.. Shaken. Like she’s genuinely surprised that it’s taken Vi this long to realize that not only is her love unconditional, but that she’s never had to try to earn it. All she had to do was be Violet.
And for Cait, that was enough.
“God Cait.” Vi hides in her neck, not wanting Caitlyn to see her cry.
“I wish I could love me like you do.” She sobs.
“Oh Vi…” She coos sadly.
Caitlyn strokes her hair and allows her to cry herself out until her eyes hurt and she’s dehydrated and tired in only the way having emotions can make you.
At long last, when her tears have run dry, Caitlyn holds her face in her hands.
“Darling, if you really feel that way, then let's make some calls. I believe I know a few ways to help with all these muddled feelings you’re having.”
They’ve talked briefly about this before.
Caitlyn’s been in therapy since joining the force, but Vi has always figured stuff like that is a sham.
Now though, with her thoughts feeling so heavy, and her eyes looking dull even to herself, she has to admit that she’s willing to try.
“... Okay.” She concedes, nuzzling into Caitlyn’s hand, which earns her a pleased little hum.
“Good.” Caitlyn drops a kiss at her hairline. “Accepting help is a big first step.”
Caitlyn draws her back in and rocks them gently back and forth for a little while.
“You’ll be okay Vi. You’ve got a good heart.”
And maybe she can be as good as Caitlyn. Or maybe she can try.