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Ling Wen entered the public communication array. It was filled with chatter, arguments, and disputes over exactly who had stolen all of that stuff the other day. However, Ling Wen wasn’t joining in for idle gossip; she was entering the array because she needed someone to go and pick up Xie Lian’s payment.
“I am looking for volunteers to retrieve Xie Lian’s payment.”
Suddenly, the entire array fell so silent that you could have heard a pin drop. “Look, if nobody volunteers, I will pick who goes.” Ling Wen threatened. However, still, no one volunteered. She huffed. “ Fine. Mu Qing, Feng Xin, Pei Ming, and Shi Qingxuan. You are my volunteers. You will ascend and go to Puqi village. Xie Lian said that he would meet the volunteers there.”
The volunteers arrived at the village and met Xie Lian in front of a run down shack. He smiled at them in greeting. “Come, I have the array set up!”
The four followed him, their eyebrows raised. They had to go somewhere else? Hadn’t Ling Wen said that they would be meeting here, why were they leaving?
”Ah, Dianxia, where are we going?” Feng Xin asked.
”My home.” He opened the door revealing…
”Is that ghost city!?” Shi Qingxuan yelled.
”Forget ghost city, is that Crimson Rain?” Mu Qing asked, seeing a man standing by a red door.
Xie Lian ushered them through the door, and into the city. They walked up to the figure by the red door, who, they came to see, was indeed crimson rain.
Hua Cheng stood in front of the red front door, an empty sack in his hand. He nodded towards Xie Lian, who was pouting, much to the confusion of the martial gods. “Empty your pockets.” Hua Cheng said.
“And why are we emptying our pockets?” Shi Qingxuan asked, her hands buried in her voluminous pockets. “Huh, I thought that I had stuff in my pockets."
“Wind Master, he was obviously talking to Dianxia.” Feng Xin pointed at his friend, who was currently eyeing Hua Cheng with a pout on his face, very reminiscent of a toddler on the verge of a tantrum. “Xie Lian, you do know who that is, right?” Feng Xin asked. His friend had been out of the loop for years, so there was a very good chance that he didn't know that the person before him was a supreme ghost king. That, or Xie Lian, was simply being too trusting.
Again.
He had once tried to befriend an assassin when they were teens. And a rabid dog. Then there had been the person who had held a knife to Xie Lian’s throat, and the prince had asked him if he wanted some mooncakes. Not to mention his cousin... He did have a lack of survival instincts and a distinct inability to determine who was dangerous.
“En! It’s my husband!”
Absolutely not expecting that response, Feng Xin and Mu Qing choked and started twitching. Feng Xin had gone three shades paler and had a small dribble of drool trickling out of his mouth. Mu Qing seemed to be experiencing full-body spasms, with one eye twitching rhythmically.
“Ho ho.” Pei Ming said with a wink.
“Congratulations, your highness! Aww, how did you two meet?” Qingxuan cooed, forgetting about her missing belongings. She loved weddings and romances.
“I stole from him.” Xie Lian answered with a small smile.
“Mmmm. You sure did, Gege. You stole my heart.”
“And your butterfly, and your belt, and E-ming."
“Ok! There is no need to give them all the details. I know what you are up to, Gege. Trying to distract me, but I haven't forgotten. Empty your pockets.” Hua Cheng opened the bag, holding it out before his husband again. Xie Lian, for his part, pouted as he started to shovel handfuls of objects into the sack. He dumped fistfuls of buttons, pins, daggers, bottles, and various other odds and ends into the sack that his husband held.
“Sleeves, Gege.” Hua Cheng prompted, knowing that his sneaky husband likely had some items stashed up his sleeves.
“Aww.” Xie Lian reached into his sleeves and started to pull out various objects, including a six-foot-long sword. As he handed the sword to Hua Cheng, he noticed the gods staring at him. “What?”
Mu Qing blinks rapidly, looking between the sack full of goods and his friend. “Did you steal all of that?”
“En!” Xie Lian exclaimed happily, his hand fishing around in his robes. “Ahh, there you are!” A wide smile appeared on his face, and his eyes seemed to twinkle. He withdrew his hand from his robes, proudly showing everyone the hissing ghost fetus dangling from his grip.
Hua Cheng groaned. “Gege! What have I told you about stealing Cuo Cuo?"
Xie Lian huffed and released Cuo Cuo, who sprinted off, darting through the legs of the gods. As he left, he lept up and nipped Mu Qing on the hand, growling fiercely. Pei Ming started howling with laughter, his hands slapping his knees as tears leaked from his eyes.
“Were you the one who took all that stuff from the heavens?” Feng Xin asked, despite the fact that he felt like he knew what the answer was. However, it never hurts to have clarification. Just to be safe. And so that they could properly reinforce their security.
“En!” Xie Lian nodded enthusiastically. “I got so many pretty things when I was there.”
Shi Qingxuan stomped up to Xia Lian and slapped him across the face. Her sudden attack startled Xia Lian, who looked at her with a wounded expression. Hua Cheng’s hand inches to his cursed scimitar... Only to find that it wasn’t in its scabbard.
“Gege.” He grumbled.
“Why did you hit me?” Xie Lian pouted at the Wind Master.
“YOU STOLE MY UNDERWEAR!”
Feng Xin and Mu Qing sputtered, Feng Xin from embarrassment at the mention of a woman's undergarments, and Mu Qing at the thought of Xie Lian doing something so indecent.
Xie Lian, for his part, just looked at the Wind master in confusion. “But the only underwear that I’ve ever stolen was San Lang’s.”
“Gege!”
“He has shiny silver underwear that he wears to bed.”
“GEGE!”
“He likes to tease me and wear shiny things in bed; something about having me strip him as I take the shiny things.”
“GEGE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, SHINY!” Hua Cheng yelled at the top of his voice, sounding as though he were going to disperse at any moment.
“Did you say something shiny?” Xie Lian asked as he whipped his head back and forth, looking for the aforementioned shiny thing.
Mu Qing’s face was purple, and he appeared to be on the verge of passing out. Feng Xin was green and seemed as though he were about to be sick. Pei Ming had fallen to the ground, rolling around as he howled with laughter.
Shi Qingxuan frowned. “Then who took my underwear?”
—-
Hua Cheng led them into Paradise Manor. The four heavenly officials walked through the decadent building, soaking in all the sights. They were intrigued by the home of the infamous Crimson Rain Sought Flower, which was also the home of Xie Lian. The floors of the halls were made of some sort of dull red stone, with decorative red rugs tossed over them. The walls had been painted a deep red with black details on the molding, and the doors were made of rich mahogany wood. A few paintings hung, most of them depicting Xie Lian from the time of his first accession.
It was a tasteful place, surprisingly. Not at all what the gods would have expected of the fearsome Crimson Rain.
"What? Were you expecting chains and bodies hanging from the ceiling? I have class; I’ll let you know. I’m not like that vile Green Ghost.” Hua Cheng cringed at the thought of the not-so-supreme ghost king, Qi Rong. He honestly gave Supreme’s a bad name. He halted and placed a hand on the door next to him. “All right, everybody, get in here. Gege.” He narrowed his eyes at Xie Lian, who had snuck behind Mu Qing and was deftly plucking buttons from the god’s robes with the assistance of a joyful Ruoye. “Gege, leave the trash alone.”
“...Fine.”
Mu Qing, hearing the god behind him, quickly turns to face Xie Lian. “What the heck? Give me back my stuff!” He held his hand out, palm up, as he glared at Xie Lian.
Xie Lian stuck his bottom lip out as he deposited seven gold buttons into Mu Qing’s hand. Ruoye shot out of his sleeves and returned the remaining three buttons, startling Mu Qing something awful.
“WHAT WAS THAT!?”
“Ruoye!” Xie Lian smiled.
"That does not answer my question, but I have decided that I actually don’t want to know. Thank you for returning my buttons.” The buttons were quickly shoved into Mu Qing’s pants pocket, where they would hopefully be safe from the sticky-fingered god.
“Ahh, Mu Qing?” Feng Xin had a small hint of a snicker in his voice as he spoke to the fellow southern god.
“What?”
“Where’s Zhanmadao?”
“XIE LIAN!”
–
With the Saber returned to its rightful owner, they entered a large room that seemed to be some sort of treasury. There were stacks of gold and silver bars, piles of fur and robes, chests full of coins, buttons, buckles, and other bits and bobs. Some swords and weapons hung from the walls, along with miscellaneous art pieces.
Hua Cheng went over to a half-filled chest and dumped the contents of the sack into it. He took the empty sack and started filling it with gold and silver bars. It was a difficult task because Xie Lian would remove a bar for every two bars Hua Cheng stuck into the bag. Eventually managing to get the right amount into the bag, he sealed the bag with a strong locking array and handed it to Pei Ming.
“There. That should be enough. I’m fairly certain he didn’t sneak any more out before I sealed it. If you wait for a minute, I have something else for you as well.”
Hua Cheng placed two fingers on his forehead and called for Yin Yu, the waning moon officer. He directed his second in command to bring him three items that Xie Lian had squirreled away from the heavenly capital: two spiritual devices and one very incriminating mask.
Yin Yu entered the sitting room with a small cloth bag in his hand. He wore his typical black robes and his frowning ghost mask, which he had affixed to his face with a strong sticking array. The array was necessary, as Xie Lian would try to pluck the mask off of the man whenever he saw him. In fact, he was currently tugging on the mask with all his might, whining at his failure to remove the mask.
Yin Yu sighed and, with his free hand, reached into his pocket. He pulled out an old button; the pattern was worn and barely legible, but the finish was still bright. “You can’t have my mask. We have discussed this before. Here, have this button.”
The button was snatched out of the Waning Moon’s hands to be carefully inspected by Xie Lian.
“Chenzu, here are the items that you requested.” The bag was handed to Hua Cheng with a bow. Yin Yu was ready to leave, but a sudden yell stopped him.
“Wait!” Mu Qing was staring at the Waning Moon officer in amazement. How had he managed to stop Xie Lian from filching from him?! “How did you do that!?”
“I have experience with unruly gods.” Yin Yu said, thinking not so fondly of his former shidi. Whenever Quan Yizhen saw him, he chased Yin Yu around, yelling “Shixon!” at the top of his lungs. Lucky Quan Yizhen was easily distracted, which was the reason that Yin Yu had originally started carrying random bits of junk in his robes. He would throw them at his shidi and run while the god was distracted.
Hua Cheng reached into the bag and pulled out two fans. He passed these to the Wind master.
“My fan! And Ge’s fan! Dianxia, you are so naughty!”
“En! I like them; they are so shiny."
“Ge was so mad. You better stay away from him for a while."
Hua Cheng had pulled out the third item from the bag and was holding it up as though it were toxic waste. “Actually, Gege is not allowed to return to the heavens until this is dealt with.” He wiggled the white mask a little.
The four gods stared at the mask; their faces were paler than the mask.
“Is that…?”
“White No Face’s mask? Yes.”
Pei Ming eyed the wooden mask like it would come alive and chew off his favorite body part. “Ahh, how did you wind up with it?”
“Take a guess.” Hua Cheng deadpanned as he watched Xie Lian lift the buttons off of Mu Qing. Again.
“Xie Lian?” Feng Xin wisely guessed.
Xie Lian, who hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation and was more focused on liberating shiny things from his friends, looked up. “Ehh? Did someone say my name?”
Hua Cheng tossed the mask at the gods, causing them to jump back in fright. “En. Gege plucked it from your Emperor’s pocket. He also saw a, and I quote, ‘face chilling on his chest’.”
“Are you saying that Jun Wu is..." Shi Qingxuan was slowly putting the pieces together.
“White no Face? YES! And Gege is not allowed back into the heavens until someone does something about that. Preferably kill him, but I will accept his imprisonment as well.”
“Ahh, thank you. We will get right on that.” Pei Ming nodded slowly, still in a bit of shock from the revelation. However, he would make sure that the evil was taken care of. Nothing killed the mood more than an evil ghost hanging out in the neighborhood.
“I just have one more question before we go and deal with that.” Qingxuan pointed at the mask. “Who’s been stealing my underwear!?"