Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“It’s okay,” Tim cooed as he latched onto Kon’s back. He tightened his grip as he felt Kon start thrashing. 

Kon let out an ear-splitting scream, breathing so hard and fast Tim worried he’d black out. His Kryptonian strength made it hard to hold him, especially with him throwing himself against walls and into furniture, but he kept holding firm. 

Tim almost passed out with the forceful impact of being thrown against any hard surface. Sharp pain burst from the point of impact, making him cry out. The sounds of Kon’s frantic mutterings and pleas rose above the sounds of struggle. It hurt worse than if Kon had stabbed or shot him.

“It’s okay, Conner,” Tim buried his face into the crook of Kon’s neck, “You’re not in any danger. It’s just me.”

Kon whimpered and squirmed, but it wasn’t violent thrashing anymore. He whimpered and whined, still resisting Tim’s embrace but gradually losing energy. 

“Breathe for me,” Tim instructed, leaning his face closer to Kon’s ears. “Deep breaths, SB.”

Kon was sucking in gulps of air, never quite remembering to exhale. His breathing sped up, coming out heavy as heavy gasps. His body, already flooded with too much drug-induced anxiety, trembled and wobbled, but Tim continued holding him.

“Slow,” Tim cooed before taking a demonstrative deep breath, “Slow breaths.”

It took a while, but Kon’s chest stopped heaving with effort. His already wobbly legs eventually gave out, forcing Tim to guide him safely to the ground with the destruction Kon’s panic attack caused surrounding them.

Tim guided Kon’s tense and clumsy body closer to him so he could better cradle him. “There you go. Just let it happen.”

Kon curled into himself, never entirely trusting Tim with his body weight. He continued trembling with his breathing, skipping, and wheezing. Tim’s hand gently settled over his heart while it desperately threw itself against an unyielding chest. He could feel its ferocity beneath his fingers, blindly working to protect Kon from an unperceivable threat. Under his gentle touch, Tim could feel his entire body heave and shake. The fear toxin had infiltrated his system, causing him to go on high alert. He could only imagine what was going through his mind. He’d spent years repressing his emotions, forcing himself to deny what he was feeling as his mind was torturing him with his worst nightmares.

“It’s okay,” Tim cooed as he pulled Kon into his lap. He pressed his ear against his chest to allow Kon the familiar comfort of listening to Tim’s heart. “Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Tim wished he had the antidote to help alleviate some of the stress on Kon’s poor body or any drug to sedate him, but alas, they weren’t in Gotham, and this was an experimental strain of fear toxin. An antidote would take a while to procure, and that was without testing. He’d tried the base serum he kept on hand, but he supposed the addition of his Kryptonian DNA was interfering with the drug. The best Tim could do was stay with Kon until something was figured out.

It was still a flash of panic. Kon’s nails raked at his skin, scratching and clawing until his skin was red and raw. Soft whimpers and keens slipped from him as he continued murmuring and shaking.

Acting swiftly, Tim’s hands covered Kon’s. He shushed the distressed clone as he did his best to combat the scratching. “There’s no need for that, love. Just listen to my voice. You recognize it, right?”

“Don’t hurt me.” The words came out as a desperate croak between short gasps for air. “Please…”

“Conner, do you recognize my voice?” Tim’s thumbs rubbed over smooth knuckles as he spoke. He wasn’t resisting or trying to actively fight Tim off, but he wasn’t sure if he was in the right state to recognize him. Tim’s best guess was that his body recognized that he wasn’t in danger, but his mind was moving too fast to process anything. “Do you know who I am?”

Kon shook his head, tensing into a tight ball. “I’m sorry. I-I don’t… I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry…”

“It’s Tim,” Tim squeezed Kon’s trembling hands. “Your boyfriend, remember?”

Within seconds, Kon’s heart was hurling itself against his ribcage again. His breathing sped, but not too much. It was the start of the second round of pure panic so Tim could still diffuse the situation before it spiraled further.

“No, no, no,” Tim began as he hugged Kon tighter, “It’s okay, love. You’re not in trouble. You’re safe.”

Kon whimpered, arms trembling from how tightly they wound around him. He whimpered and whined while choking out broken apologies.

“Conner,” Tim cooed, holding Kon tight against him. “It’s okay. You’re not in trouble or in danger. I’m not mad, and I won’t hurt you.”

Squeaky sobs spilled out of Kon as Tim continued to hold him. He shook his head, occasionally crying out in anguish. Those trembling hands that Tim had tried to quell, ripped free to tear at his hair. His breathing sped and stuttered, and his condition worsened.

Meanwhile, Tim did his best to reassure and console him, but his soft words paled in comparison to the mental torment he was suffering through. Even so, Tim tried to console his frantic partner until Kon finally fell silent, deflating into Tim’s arms.

“There you go,” Tim sighed as he rocked him. Finally, he’d exhausted himself. Tim knew he’d only get maybe two hours of sleep before the nightmares kicked in. “Easy does it.” This was going to be a grueling few days.

~~~~~~

Tim had tucked Kon into bed, making him as comfortable as possible. He’d do whatever he could to ensure Kon got as much peaceful sleep as possible before the nightmares began. The curtains were drawn, and the windows were blacked out to remove as much sunlight as possible. He’d delay Kon’s body from recovering for as long as possible to allow a few precious hours of uninterrupted rest. 

From what he gathered, the toxin's chemistry worked by infiltrating the brain and forcing it to rewire itself. Kryptonian physiology was constantly regenerating and healing the person, so paired with fear toxin, the brain was essentially retraumatizing itself again and again rather than allowing the drug to run its intended course. 

Tim sat at the bed’s edge, keeping careful watch over Kon. Martha Kent had offered a diffusor to fill the room with the smell of lavender, but Tim tried to pair it with familiar smells to try and trigger a feeling of safety in his body. In theory, it would help Kon’s body relax, but Tim knew fear toxin didn’t always play by the rules. 

Every time Kon so much as breathed too heavily, Tim’s heart fluttered with anxiety. Tim would usually tense and look at him intently before settling back down. It was agonizing to worry, but it continued for far too long.

Finally, the moment Tim had been dreading came to fruition when the sounds of Kon’s breathing started to pick up. It started slow, his inhales starting to shudder and skip. Tim moved closer to Kon, a hand settling on his shoulder. He was there, unsure if his touch was adding anything positive to Kon’s anxious state. His fingers slowly carded through damp and sweaty hair, picking through tangles as best he could.

“It’s okay,” Tim murmured as Kon’s breathing sped. “You’re safe.”

Kon moaned and gasped in his sleep. His chest heaved as he cried out, voice raw and desperate. He tossed and turned, whimpering and crying. Sweat beaded down his forehead from his movement as his expression contorted into one of pain and anguish. He curled into himself, compressing his usually large and awkward body into a small and fragile shape. Violent tremors rattled his body as he panted, still trapped in a relentless nightmare.

Tim shushed him as he stroked the top of his head. His hand felt the almost feverish skin underneath. “Oh, Conner…” Tim carefully cradled his head and pulled him onto his lap. “It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”

He whimpered and moaned, still trembling. Tim continued to caress his face, shushing and cooing the frantic boy, not knowing he was doing anything for him. 

Nothing could’ve torn Tim from his side. For those agonizing few minutes of Kon nearly hyperventilating in his sleep, Tim was glued to Kon, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Gradually, his whimpers and gasps for air evolved into cries. It wasn’t a sound derived from a single fear, making it terrifying to hear. He screamed and cried, beginning to thrash and kick. Tears began to slip from his closed eyes, running down flushed skin.

“Conner, it’s okay,” Tim cooed as he wiped Kon’s tears away. “You’re okay.”

Kon kept tossing and crying for a few minutes more, unable to pull himself from his drug-induced dream until he finally jolted awake. He sat upright, chest heaving so hard it sounded painful. His shaky hand gripped his shirt as he broke down crying and murmuring words Tim couldn’t understand. Maybe it was Kryptonian, but Tim could only hypothesize.

“C’mere,” Tim instructed as his arms wrapped around Kon, pulling him against him. He secured Kon in a firm yet gentle hug to try and do something to quell his panic. “It’s okay. It was just a dream. Whatever you saw wasn’t real.”

Kon sat like a stiff statue, unwilling to relax in Tim’s embrace. The words transferred into English, making his mutterings desperate pleas. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone… I never wanted to… I-I’m so sorry…”

Tim shushed him, hugging Kon tight. He stroked the top of Kon’s head while doing his best to reassure him. “You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s just the toxin talking.”

“I didn’t want this,” Kon sobbed, body wracked with tremors. “I can’t control it. He wanted me to hurt you. I-I’d never—” His words were cut off with a gut-wrenching fit of sobs. He clutched himself, seemingly unaware of Tim’s presence. Sure, he was talking, but it didn’t seem like he was talking to Tim.

“You’ve done nothing wrong,” Tim cooed as he rocked him. “ You are strong and in control of yourself. You control your actions, not someone else.”

Kon gasped for air, slowly turning into Tim’s chest. He didn’t seem coherent enough to recognize him, but just like before, his instincts could recognize that Tim wasn’t a threat. 

Tim smiled, “There you go. I’m not a threat, Conner. I’m not an enemy. It’s me, Tim. You remember my voice?”

Kon whimpered and choked over the sobs that tried to slip out of him. Frantic apologies began pouring out between gasps, apologizing for injuries he never committed. Eventually, it escalated to a fit of dry and painful coughs.

Tim was there, patting Kon’s arm, unsure whether it would escalate. That continued for a while until, finally, Tim got a sense of what would happen. Kon’s body began to heave and retch.

Quickly, Tim guided Kon’s face over to a strategically placed trash can courtesy of Martha Kent. Kon’s heavy body eventually gave out, flopping uselessly onto the mattress as the meager contents of his stomach tumbled out with every cough.

Kon was nearly inconsolable as Tim pulled him safely back onto the mattress. They both laid back, with Kon sobbing limply against Tim’s chest, still terrified.

“Easy,” Tim cooed as he rubbed circles on Kon’s back, “It’s okay. Just listen to my voice. Listen to me. You’re safe with me. I promise I will protect you until we get an antidote made.”

Kon shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself into a tight self-hug. “I’m scared…”  His voice was hoarse and frail, absolutely breaking Tim’s heart. Tim was no stranger to the effects of fear toxin, so he could sympathize with his terror, but this was worse than anything he’d seen before.

“I know,” Tim pressed him tighter against him, still rubbing his trembling back. “I know you are, Superstar . But you’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you for dealing with this so well.”

Kon whimpered, and a familiar energy pulsated off him. It was crackling electricity as cold as ice that’d suddenly surrounded Kon’s body. In his terrified state, Kon must’ve summoned his TTK to protect him. 

Tim couldn’t fathom what terrors were plaguing his mind, but there was clearly a shift to where Kon felt he was in danger and needed to protect himself. This entire time, Tim had been trying to establish himself as something Kon wouldn’t see as a threat. It didn’t matter whether or not Kon trusted him (with such a potent drug influencing him, it was useless to try). All that mattered was that Kon didn’t mistake him for an enemy and try to attack him. But now Tim feared he might end up on the wrong side of an already anxious and terrified Superboy.

“You’re safe, Conner.” Tim cooed despite the electric energy trying to push him away. It was like sheets of solid ice wedging between Tim and a feverish Kon that slowly expanded. “No one’s gonna hurt you. I’m not your enemy. I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Words tumbled out of Tim’s lips as he tried his hardest to reassure him. He didn’t try to fight the TTK that pushed his arms away from him, nor did he try to force Kon to stop. Even when Kon wasn’t drugged out of his mind, he tended to be combative if something tried to stop his powers. The constant energy pulsating off Kon’s body was something he was very protective over. If something tried to wiggle under it, Kon tended to shut down. The only way Tim had any hope of safely getting to Kon was with his words.

“I’m so sorry.” Kon quietly sobbed as Tim released him. The electric current desperately trying to pry Tim off him was too powerful and dangerous, especially when Kon wasn’t entirely in control. “I never should’ve come back. I should’ve stayed dead. I can’t do anything right. I’m such a failure.”

Tim frowned at Kon as he curled into himself. Within a few seconds, he’d compressed into such an impossibly small ball. It was impossible to try and get through to him, especially when he wouldn’t allow Tim to get closer. All Tim could do was sit on the bed and watch.

~~~

Eventually, Kon had exhausted himself back to sleep, and Tim felt somewhat comfortable leaving him. He removed the bag from Kon’s trash can, trying not to gag from the smell of digested food and acid, before tying it shut. Tim slowly slipped out of the bedroom, leaving the door wide open. He carefully crept down the stairs only to see into the kitchen where Martha Kent stood over the kitchen sink.

Tim stood at the doorframe, watching the elderly woman wash dishes. She seemed out of it, spending too much time scrubbing each dish. Steam wafted above her, and the smell of lemon soap filled the quaint room.

“Mrs. Kent?” Tim called to her as he set the bag of vomit down. He carefully stepped closer to her, trying to make his presence known. “Are you okay?”

She turned off the faucet and leaned over the sink. The movement made Tim pause. A shuddering sigh slipped out of the woman as her arms began shaking. He noticed her hands gripping the counter until her hands went white. She stood there for almost twenty-five seconds, stock-still aside from how her body trembled. Neither said a word for those twenty-five seconds. The water running through the drain, the ticking of the old clock, the humming of electricity, and the buzz of the refrigerator filled the silence, but they seemed so much louder than usual.

“Quite,” Martha finally sighed as her shaky hand reached for the towel beside her. She slowly dried her hands while turning around to face Tim.

Her skin was pale, and exhaustion shone plainly as day on her features. Seeing her like this hurt Tim. He could only imagine how hard this was on her. She and Jonathan had allowed Tim to stay with Kon while they waited for an antidote to formulate, but Tim had told them to stay away so they wouldn’t have to see Kon so frantic and out of it. He knew parents always struggled to see their children suffer, and the Kents were basically Kon’s parents. Tim thought that it would be best if they didn’t see him in such a vulnerable state, but it wasn’t like Kon was quiet. 

Hearing Kon’s screams, knowing what it meant, and being unable to help had to be hard on them. At least Jonathan was working and wasn’t stuck in the house all day, but Martha was still home. The house was old, and sound tended to travel, so the chances were that she heard him screaming and crying out, with Tim desperately trying to calm him down. She heard them fight upstairs while Tim tried to get him to pause and breathe. 

“Is he asleep?” She asked, continuing to wipe her hands. Her voice had a slight tremor, and her eyes glazed with tears.

Tim nodded, “Yeah. He uh…” His mouth felt painfully dry as he spoke. He rarely spoke with worried mothers, let alone ones he knew. Clearly, she loved Kon, and this whole situation was killing her. The compassion was almost suffocating. It filled his head with cotton, leaving him speechless for a moment too long. “...he tired himself out.”

Martha nodded, still wiping her hands. “Poor thing. I can’t imagine what he’s going through…” She gave a watery smile to Tim. “Thank God you’re here. I don’t know what we would do if you weren’t here.” Her hands continued to shake until Tim couldn’t take it anymore. He walked up to her, holding her trembling hands, still red from the hot water and obsessive hand wiping.

Tim smiled at her. “He’s gonna be okay, Mrs. Kent.”

“I know.” She sniffled as her hands slowly relaxed. “I know. I just wish I could do more.”

He sighed, “I know, but he’ll need you guys once this is all over. And I promise, the second I need anything, I’ll let you know.” Tim let go of her hands, giving her a strained smile. “This can’t be easy for you.”

She cleared her throat and tried to straighten herself out. “So why are you down here? Anything I can help with?”

Tim looked back at the trash bag. “Oh, uh… he got a little sick, and I was just taking it out.”

“Let me take care of that,” She offered, walking toward the bag. “You should be up there with him.”

Tim smiled and nodded, “O-of course.” He wanted to insist he could handle it, but allowing her to take care of this would make her feel better by giving her something to do. “Thank you.”

“Are you hungry?” She asked as she looked back at him. “I’m sure Conner is. But I can make you something.”

Tim nodded again, thankful for her kindness. “Thank you. I’d appreciate that.”

Martha hummed in response before walking out the front door with the garbage. Tim had to remember that Kon wasn’t a Wayne. Family was everything to the Kents, and keeping him so isolated from them wasn’t normal for them. As easy as it would be to shut them out like he’s grown used to doing, this entire situation was affecting everyone. He had to be careful and compassionate more than anything.

Tim walked over and grabbed two plastic bags, figuring it was best if he double-lined the trash. After that, he returned to the bedroom, where Kon was thankfully still asleep. Once the door clicked shut behind him, Tim had to step over miscellaneous items that had fallen while they were fighting to get to the trashcan.

Once Tim replaced the trash bag, he looked at the messy state of Kon’s room. Books, pens, and other items were thrown on the floor, along with a few splinters from the furniture. Tim was definitely the messier of the two of them, but even he could see the value in keeping a clean room in a situation like this. So he spent the next hour doing his best to clean. It wasn’t a perfect job, but at least there was a safe path in and out of the bedroom. 

But Tim sat back down on the bed next to Kon. He stroked Kon’s back, not saying anything. He stayed there until Kon had a calmer awakening. 

He flinched awake, eyes wide and filled with terror. Kon didn’t move or speak for a while, just sitting there curled up. So Tim remained as he was, stroking him in silence. It gave him the chance to sit and think.

Typically, Superman was immune to Scarecrow’s toxin, but Tim hoped Kon’s human half just left him vulnerable to the drug. It was either that or something far more terrifying. 

If Crane had somehow formulated a mixture that could affect Kryptonian physiology, then there was a massive issue. Tim would eventually have to check in and get an update on the drug composition to see if that was the case. 

Kon was already an anxious and insecure person. He had a list of personal fears a mile long, any of which could cripple him. And even though they were best friends turned lovers, Tim was only privy to a small handful of his struggles. From what Tim had gathered, Kon still saw himself as an inconvenience and like something was wrong with him. He thinks he should be dead still and that his coming back to life was a bad thing. There could be so many things contributing to that fear. Tim wasn’t sure even he could figure it out.

“No…” Kon whimpered, never once looking at Tim. His breathing sped up as the words left his lips. “Don’t leave… I didn’t mean to…”

Tim shushed him, moving to comb through Kon’s hair. He gently took Kon’s head, resting it on his lap. His hands cupped flushed cheeks, thumbs caressing his skin.

Wild eyes finally landed on Tim, with tears spilling down his cheeks. He began hyperventilating and trembling as a string of desperate “no’s” spilled out of him. He shook his head aggressively but didn’t try to pry Tim off him. Instead, a trembling hand clapped over his mouth.

“It’s okay,” Tim assured, still holding his face. “Everything’s okay.”

Kon shook his head, breathing hard. He cried out, screaming and crying. Tears streamed from his eyes as he lay there, sobbing hard. “I’m supposed to be good. I’m not supposed to—he’s not to hurt people. I didn’t want to do this. I’m supposed to be a hero. Fuck…I’m a monster!”

Tim listened to Kon’s words, still holding him with unwavering love and adoration. He hated Kon talking like this, but he couldn’t do anything. 

“I’m sorry!” He screamed over and over again. His words reverberated in Tim’s skull from the shrill cry. He began pounding his fists against his skull, even hitting Tim’s hands a few times.

Tim cursed and backed away to examine his hand. His fingers flexed and clenched several times, confirming they weren’t broken, but he was still concerned.

Kon curled back into himself, still beating his hands against his head. “No! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone! I didn’t want to do anything!” He was hyperventilating, and he lay there curled up, still screaming and crying.

Tim reached down to touch him, but another shrill scream made Tim stop. Kon scrambled away, tripping off the bed before backing against a wall.

“Kon!” Tim called, unsure if he should go after him. 

Kon flinched at the voice, breathing so hard and fast that he wondered how he was still conscious. “Please, I’d never want to hurt anyone. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t me…” His hands grabbed at his hair as he slid down the wall. Wild blue eyes flickered around the room, never quite landing on anything. He tried pressing himself tighter against the wall, terrified of a threat Tim couldn’t see. 

Tim sat frozen, unsure of what to do. Kon was too unpredictable now. If he wasn’t careful, Kon could mistake him for a threat and attack him. He was like a ticking bomb, waiting for the right moment to snap. This was complicated. 

Did he wait for Kon to tire out? No, that was risky. There was no guarantee he would patiently wait until he ran out of energy. Anything could set him off, so it was too much of a gamble.

But he couldn’t be proactive and try to get to Kon. There wasn’t enough information to gauge how he’d react. No standard behaviors had been established, so Tim would just pray that Kon would freeze rather than fight.

Then there were other scenarios. It was possible that Kon would neither resist nor freeze. He might try to escape, and that would open up a whole other can of worms. Confining him to this room was Tim’s best chance at controlling the damage he could cause, so if he escaped rather than fighting, there were too many other variables to possibly control.

Think: what does Superboy usually do? Use previous behaviors to inform your decisions.

Tim took a breath and settled down. Putting his romantic feelings and anxieties aside, Tim made room in his mind for logic by calling upon his knowledge of him. 

Kon was aggressive. He commonly uses himself as raw muscle when working with others instead of thinking through his moves. If stressed, Kon would attack no matter what. Even if he is in danger, he will consciously attack even if he’s outmatched. That’s just how he was

If Kon perceived Tim as a threat, there were a few ways he would attack. He’d usually charged in close enough to throw some physical attack, either a punch or a kick, if it was a singular enemy. For multiple, he’d summon a field of TTK around him to get breathing room and deal damage. But if neither were the case, there was always the possibility of him using his heat vision, which was the most dangerous scenario for Tim. If he’s under enough stress, he’s been known to activate it. The problem with that is how little control he seems to have. Unlike a physical attack, which Tim could effortlessly out-maneuver, or an energy field that Tim could brace himself for regardless of how much protection he had, Tim wasn’t equipped to handle heat vision. So, that was the worst-case scenario.

Tim scanned Kon, trying to survey his current state. He was holding his hair, hyperventilating, and crying out. His head was constantly turning, blindly searching for a threat. He was clearly under a lot of stress and overwhelmed, so the chance of him firing his heat vision at Tim was more likely than he’d like. Realistically, the chances of Kon rushing Tim weren’t too likely. Superboy liked to rush when he felt powerful and in control of a situation. He wanted to appear calm and composed at all times, but now he was neither calm, composed, nor in control. So if Tim tried getting close, he risked facing Kon’s heat vision.

So he thought over to the kryptonite in his utility belt. They were on the desk, but it was directly in Kon’s sightline.  He didn’t want to use it, but if he had to…

Kon screamed, tucking his face into the wall while covering his head. He curled into himself, trembling hard. His breathing was heavy and forced as wails rained out of him. 

“I’ll never be good enough,” He sobbed. “I’m sorry I’ll not good enough…”

Tim’s body filled with initiative as he quickly moved to the edge of the bed, intending to go to Kon’s side, but was quickly stopped by a pair of glowing red eyes that looked directly at him. The look was terrifying, and Tim quickly ducked out of view before Kon could hurt him. As expected, the beam shot above him, searing through the ceiling and leaving a small hole in its wake. It was terrifying.

 Kon actually fired at Tim. Had he not already dwelled on the possibility, he could’ve suffered a severe injury. 

The weight of what this meant finally settled on Tim. Kon wasn’t thinking. His capacity for logic and rational thought was impaired, making him dangerous. That brief initial recognition gave Tim a naively optimistic idea of what taking care of Kon would be like. He wouldn’t always be aware of everything or even be in control of himself. There was no guarantee that Kon would even perceive Tim as a non-threat. The possibility of  Kon accidentally attacking or mistaking Tim for a threat was all too real, and Tim needed to be more conscious of that.

Yes, Kon was his best friend and romantic partner, but that didn’t matter. He wasn’t thinking, and that made him dangerous. 

Tim lay there, listening to Kon’s whimpers and sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Kon said. “I’m so sorry. Fuck… I’m sorry.”

Tim took a breath before he started talking. “Conner… Kon, listen to me. Listen to my voice. I’m not a threat. I’m not here to hurt you.”

“Liar!” Kon screamed as another hot red beam shot over Tim, this one closer to him. 

Tim swallowed hard, feeling his anxiety skyrocket. “You’re safe in your room. Nothing can hurt you here. Whatever you think you’re seeing isn’t real. Know that you are in your room and—”

“Shut up!”

Tim wished his heart would stop beating against his chest so hard. “Kon, listen to the sound of my voice. I know you’re scared. You’re seeing a lot of really intense things and feeling so many emotions. You’re probably really overwhelmed, and that’s—”

“Stop talking!”

“Kon, listen to me, okay?” Tim’s hand gripped the sheets, hoping it would give him the strength to keep talking. “It’s okay that you’re scared. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. You can’t be perfect and strong all the time.”

“I’m not perfect!” Kon shouted. “I’ll never be anywhere close. Everything I do is never good enough, and I just screw everything up. It would just be better if I were never made.”

“But you don’t have to try to be anything, not now. Just for now, let yourself fall apart. You can scream and cry as much as you want; just don’t fight it. I will be here if you need me, but if you get angry—” Another blast whirled over Tim’s head. Tim swallowed hard, realizing how dangerous this was getting for him. “Don’t act, just listen.” As he spoke, he carefully slithered toward the opposite end of the bed, desperately trying to stay out of sight. “I know you don’t see yourself as much, but if you just take a second and let yourself feel everything, it won’t feel so impossible.” Tim wasn’t even sure what he was saying. He was just talking. Even if Kon couldn’t understand exactly what Tim said, the sound of his voice would occupy his mind and give him something to focus on, even if the toxin altered and distorted his message.

Soon, Tim had slipped to the floor out of a potential direct line of fire. He crouched down, out of sight, racking his brain for a way to diffuse this situation. 

“I don’t want to be a weapon…” Kon whimpered. “I’m supposed to—fuck! Why aren’t I good enough?”

Tim carefully peered around the corner of the bed and saw Kon curled up, not looking at Tim. Tim’s Robin suit was balled up on the desk, taken off in a hurry to tend to Kon. If he could get to his belt and pull out the kryptonite… no, depending on Kon’s awareness, it could shatter any potential trust and establish Tim as a threat. That would have to be a last resort. 

Tim continued thinking while keeping an eye on Kon. He wasn’t in the mood to talk and would probably attack anything that moved. At this point, Tim’s best course of action was to wait it out. There were plenty of ways to subdue Kon, but Tim didn’t want to risk establishing himself as a foe. The safest course of action was to wait it out until he either knocked out or calmed down.

So that’s what he did. The occasional glance at the clock told Tim that three hours and seventeen minutes had passed before Kon fell into a safer, anxious state. To test the waters, Tim rolled a pen toward the opposite side of the room, and thankfully, all Kon did was whimper and flinch. Then, Tim stuck a tentative arm out for Kon to see, and when nothing happened, he took it as a signal to step out and move closer.

Tim slowly moved toward Kon like he was a wild animal. His hand was outstretched, and his stature was lowered so he didn’t seem so imposing. Every small step made Kon press tighter against the wall, but never once did his eyes glow red. Instead, those frantic sky-blue eyes squeezed shut as whimpers and whines tumbled from him.

Feeling his heart break seeing this frail version of Kon, Tim spoke again in a soft, reassuring tone. “It’s okay, Superstar . You’re gonna be okay.”

Finally, Tim touched his shoulder, an action that thankfully wasn’t met with any screaming or resistance. Kon just whimpered and trembled. 

“There you go,” Tim praised as he moved beside him. His arm wrapped around him, slowly pulling him closer. “That’s it. Just let it happen. I promise I’ll protect you, Conner, no matter what.”

Kon didn’t lean against Tim like usual, but he wasn’t fighting it. He just stiffly sat there, turned away from Tim. Whether his words were penetrating into Kon’s mind didn’t matter. He’d calmed down and wasn’t attacking him anymore.

~~~

There was a soft knock at the door. A few minutes had passed since Kon calmed down, and there was a reminder of the world outside his room. Kon flinched and shuddered, but there wasn’t an intense reaction. Progress.

“Yes?” Tim answered, trying not to talk too loudly.

“Is this a good time? I made soup.” Martha’s voice was soft and timid.

“Yeah, now’s good.”

The door creaked open, and Tim watched Martha slowly move over to where the pair sat.

She set two bowls in front of Tim, smiling tearfully. 

Tim smiled back, “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

She nodded without responding. She looked at Kon, who still sat stiffly in Tim’s arm. Clearly, she wanted to reach out and touch him, but the fear was still there. So she left as quickly as she came, not having said anything to Kon.

“Hungry, big guy?” Tim asked, pushing a bowl toward him.

Kon slowly turned to look at the small portion, not too interested. He didn’t look away, but he didn’t move to eat. Maybe he just didn’t have the strength.

Tim slowly let go of Kon and moved in front of him. He picked up the bowl, observing the type of soup. “Chicken noodle soup. You really like that, right?” He pulled out a spoonful of broth and held it out, not expecting Kon to respond, but to his surprise, his lips parted enough for Tim to spoon-feed him the broth.

“There you go,” Tim praised when he saw Kon swallow. He pulled the spoon from his lips and repeated the process several more times. Tim only managed to get Kon to consume about seven spoons of broth before he stopped opening his mouth. Clearly, he wasn’t that hungry. “That’s all you had to do.” The praise was soft and genuine.

Tim then moved back and began to eat his own soup. It was delicious. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but he’d feel guilty if he didn’t eat Martha’s cooking, so he forced himself to finish it.

The pair continued sitting in silence for a bit before Kon gradually leaned his head on Tim’s shoulder. It was a slow and hesitant movement, but it was something.

Now, Tim was starting to understand the pattern better. It came in waves. Maybe it was due to Kon’s Kryptonian physiology, but rather than an extended period of intense fear, Kon had bursts of terror to varying degrees. Tim was relieved that he hadn’t slipped into an almost catatonic state. It would be hard for Tim to help him recover if his mind was broken. 

Tim held Kon close while he pulled his phone from his pocket to read updates from Oracle. The toxin was a more concentrated version of an older combination of drugs. Synthesizing an antidote was still in progress, but it should be done within the week. 

“Almost there, Conner,” Tim muttered aloud, “This will be over soon.”

A soft moan slipped from Kon as he turned over in Tim’s arms. Seeing him move made Tim tuck his phone into his pocket. He must’ve fallen asleep a while ago. Tim gently guided Kon deeper into his arms so Kon could hold him tighter. He groaned as he stood up with the added dead weight of a Kryptonian trying to pull him back down. His body felt feverishly hot, but Tim tried not to think about it.

Tim supported Kon’s ass as he carried him back to the bed. His steps were heavy, but he somehow carried his partner back into bed. He tucked Kon back in and elected to snuggle next to him.

He pulled Kon back into his arms, pressing his face into his chest. He looked around at the destruction, feeling bad for Martha and Jonathan for having to repair everything. No, after this, Tim and Kon will help repair the house.

Tim slowly rubbed Kon’s back, trying not to mind the heat radiating off him. How had this happened? Tim guessed that the stress on his body was getting too much for him. Maybe he should try to get Kon into a bath or shower during a lower-energy episode, or at the least keep him hydrated. He needed to do something to break his fever. It was probably contributing to his hallucinations and delusions.

The clone whimpered and gasped, never quite waking up. Kon murmured in his sleep, but the words were slurred and hard to understand. His breathing shuddered and grew heavy, but he didn’t wake. 

“I’m here, Superstar .” Tim sighed as he stroked Kon’s back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s okay.” He pressed a gentle kiss against the top of his head while pulling him closer. 

Kon trembled, occasionally crying out. The sound was a hoarse croak from so much screaming, destroying Tim’s heart. He’d squirm and squeak but didn’t thrash.

“I swear,” Sighed Tim as he traced circles on Kon’s sweaty back, “You owe me big time after this.”

Kon kept tossing in Tim’s arms, stuck in what Tim imagined was an unrelenting nightmare. He would gasp and struggle, but he never got too aggressive. Would it be too optimistic to wonder if he was relearning to trust Tim? After spending so much time around him without doing anything to hurt him, it was possible. Tim could only hope at this stage.

~~~

Martha came in again and dropped off breakfast. Tim watched her shuffle in with two plates, seeming to dread coming in. He said nothing to her, instead watching her set the food on the bedside table. She reached out to touch Kon’s leg, looking like she was moments away from bursting into tears. Kon whined and snuggled deeper into Tim’s embrace, curling away from her. Tim hated the expression of heartbreak in her eyes, but he could only hold Kon tighter to keep him from freaking out. 

Obviously, it wasn’t something either of them could control, but Tim still felt guilty.

“I think he has a fever,” Tim informed her in a soft whisper. “I think I’m gonna try and get him into a bath if he’s up to it.”

She sighed, “Okay. Thank you, Tim.”

Tim smiled at her, “On the plus side, the antidote should be made before the end of the week.”

“Thank the Lord.”

Tim closed his eyes and combed through Kon’s sweaty hair. “He’s gonna be okay.”

He wasn’t sure when Martha left. He only knew when Kon started talking again.

“Please don’t leave me…” His voice still hadn’t recovered from his bout of screaming, leaving him whispering into Tim’s chest. His breathing was shallow, sounding like he was about to experience another panic attack.

Tim sighed, unable to fathom what Kon saw that put him in this state again. “Never going to happen, clone boy. I will never leave you.”

Kon was desperately gulping air, clearly awake. Tim could feel his heart desperately pounding against his poor chest. He heaved as he sucked in air, breathing too fast for his lungs to absorb any oxygen. “No— no, no—gonna send me back. I-I can’t go back—”

“Who?” Tim asked, desperate for some insight into the hellscape that was Kon’s mind. “Who’s gonna send you back?”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone—” He whimpered, seeming to shrink in Tim’s arms. He wasn’t breathing normally. Instead, he was attempting to inhale while talking, leaving him sputtering and sobbing. “I-I didn’t mean to—I just wanted to help. I just wanted him to love me…” 

Tim pulled back, looking at Kon intensely. His eyes were wired shut, with his entire face contracting and scrunching. He reached out to cradle his flushed cheeks, catching the tears as they fell. “Look at me, sweetheart. Can you do that for me? Can you look at me?”

Kon’s face was burning up as it flushed a deeper shade of red. He was barely breathing, only exhaling more air than he was inhaling. He wailed as he tried to curl away from Tim’s hold. “Please—please, he’s killing me. I’m dying . Please, someone, make it stop. I-I can’t—”

“Conner, you’re not dying. Just feel my hands. Can you feel them?” 

Kon cried out as his clammy hands frantically grabbed Tim’s, his nails digging into Tim’s skin. His eyes flew open to look at Tim, but there wasn’t a flicker of recognition. “Please… I-I’ll be good. I won’t touch anything. I’ll retire. I’ll leave the Kents. Y-you’ll never have to see me again. Just please, don’t—don’t hurt me.”

Tim realized that his continuing to touch Kon was making things worse. So, he slowly pulled back, giving Kon space to breathe. “Okay, I’m not going to hurt you. See?” Tim sat up in bed and put his hands up for Kon to see. “I let go. Is that better?”

He remembered the food Martha had brought them and grabbed one of the plates. He figured that leaving Kon alone for a bit would do him some good. So Tim tore his attention from his partner and forced himself to eat. He looked down and picked up a piece of jammed toast. The distraction was all Tim could do to keep himself from obsessing over Kon. He didn’t want to overwhelm him again.

Kon just whimpered and trembled there, curled in a tight ball. Tim picked at his bacon before handing Kon the second plate. Whether he ate it or not was his choice, but Tim wanted him to have the option. 

The minutes ticked by, and Kon was slowly coming out of his panic attack. He didn’t seem too aware of his surroundings. Kon was lying there, eyes closed, letting out the occasional whimper. Nearly a half hour passed before he finally acknowledged the plate before him.

His eyes fluttered open as he sniffed at the plate. Tears had dried on his cheeks, but his eyes remained bloodshot.

“You gonna eat?” Tim suggested as he set his now empty plate back on the table.

Kon whimpered, his eyes half-closing. He wasn’t interested in the food.

Tim wouldn’t force him to eat, but he wished he could. “Okay, that’s okay.” He pulled the plate back. “But it’s here if you want it.”

Kon was obviously exhausted. He wasn’t moving or reacting too much anymore. Tim reached over to touch Kon’s forehead and was disheartened to feel Kon was still burning up. A low keen slipped out of Kon, but again, he didn’t react.

“You uncomfortable?” Tim asked, keeping his hand pressed against Kon’s forehead. “You’re burning up.”

He whined, eyes not focusing on anything. “So cold…”

“I know.” Tim sighed, “But your body is burning up.”

“ I’m so scared…” He whimpered. “I-I don’t wanna die again…”

Tim cooed and backed off. “You’re not gonna die.”

He paused for a moment, breathing steadily. If he left now, he could start running Kon a bath. It probably wouldn’t be easy to get him into a bath. Theoretically, the water would put him at ease and let him relax. He usually didn’t mind lower temperatures, but it was hard to gauge everything when he was abnormally sensitive to everything. Tim could only hope for the best. 

“I’m gonna go start you a bath, okay?” Tim slipped off the bed, still looking at Kon as he shivered.

Tim grabbed a spare set of clothes for him before he left. Kon kept whimpering as Tim made his way out of the room. It pained Tim to leave him alone, especially when he was so scared, but staying glued to his side wasn’t doing much good. So, he gave himself an excuse to leave.

He walked into the bathroom, taking a deep breath. He observed the quaint room with its pale green tiles and fake flowers. He looked at the chipping paint and the old, worn door hinges. There were bits of Kon, like his face wash and hairbrush, sitting haphazardly on the counter. Two beige body towels hung neatly on the towel rack, while one dark blue one was messily cramped between the rod and the wall.

Tim chuckled at the sight, seeing it as so undeniably Kon. He walked over to the bathtub, plugged the drain, and began running water. It was a perfect tepid temperature that wouldn’t shock Kon’s stressed body. He leaned against the counter, watching the tub slowly fill. Every muscle was itching to return to Kon’s side and stay with him, but he knew better. Deep down, he knew he hadn’t gone about Kon’s recovery correctly. 

He was too clingy, trying to force Kon to be normal. He probably should’ve given him more space, but at the same time, his clinginess probably helped offset Kon’s fears of isolation. Still, Tim shouldn’t be handling this on his own. 

He should’ve taken Kon to a professional rather than trying to play nurse. Tim was just one person. He wasn’t equipped to care for someone in this state, let alone a Kryptonian clone. That would’ve been the healthiest way to go about it, but Tim wasn’t known for participating in healthy coping.

“How’s he doing?” A voice jolted Tim out of his head, reminding him of where he was.

He looked to his side to see Jonathan Kent standing at the door, looking at him. He wasn’t as visibly drained as Martha, but the stress of the situation was taking its toll. It was in the way the man stood, hunched over and heavy.

“I think he has a slight fever,” Tim answered gently. “But he seems to be losing energy.” He didn’t mention how worrying that part was. The couple is under enough stress as is.

Jonathan cleared his throat, looking away from Tim. “You’re a good boy, Tim. You didn’t have to do all this.”

“Of course I did,” Tim turned off the faucet. “I’d do anything for that numbskull.”

The older man chuckled. “He sure is lucky to have you.”

Tim swallowed hard, noticing how he felt like he would cry. “I guess so.”

“Tim, I know it can’t be easy looking out for him,” A warm, calloused hand settled on Tim’s shoulder. Tim didn’t react to the touch out of fear of his bottled-up emotions. “He’s not easy to love, especially like this, but I know he appreciates you being here. Even if he doesn’t know where he is or what’s going on, he appreciates someone caring for him.”

“I know,” Tim forced himself to smile. “I know he does.” 

Jonathan hung around for a few extra seconds. There was a slight shudder to his breathing but nothing else. He walked away soon after without another word.

Tim wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, clearing away the water glazing over his eyes. He took a moment to compose himself before walking back toward Kon’s bedroom.

Kon was still curled in a tight ball, head tucked into his chest. His body was racked with trembles as Tim entered the room. Whimpers and gasps spilled out of him the closer Tim got.

Tim tentatively held his hand out as he approached what was essentially a cornered animal. 

“It’s okay, love. I’m not gonna hurt you. Everything is gonna be okay.”

Once his hand touched the top of his head, Tim began soothingly combing through his hair. The sweltering heat radiating off Kon’s scalp had to be horribly uncomfortable. Kon let out a croak and tried to shift away from the touch, but he could only do so much from his position.

Tim shushed him as he inched onto the bed. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Kon didn’t respond, continuing to shake in place.

“Is it okay if I get you into a bath, big guy? You’re probably so uncomfortable like this.”

A high-pitched keen slipped out of him as he seemed to press deeper into himself. He looked so small and helpless like that. His mind was trying to rip him apart, and Tim couldn’t do anything to help.

“Conner,” Tim spoke a little louder while keeping his tone gentle, “I ran a bath for you. It’ll be better than you sitting there like that.”

Kon whined but made no other protest. Tim took the opportunity to try to get closer to Kon. His arms carefully slid under Kon, sliding him closer. It was an agonizingly slow process, with Kon tensing and leaning away. He wasn’t actively trying to pull away, but he resisted.

Once Kon was closer to Tim, he finally peeked up. There was an expression of terror in his eyes, but he didn’t scramble away. Instead, he went limp, allowing Tim to pull him off the bed. His body went rigid as his feet hit the ground, legs trembling under him. He never stood up completely. Instead, he stayed hunched over like he was about to run away.

“There you go,” Tim praised as he kept Kon close to him. He wrapped Kon’s arm over his shoulder, using his own arm to hold him up. 

Kon yelped as Tim moved him, his body actively rejecting Tim’s attempts to move him. “Please, no— I’ll be good, I promise. Just don’t send me back there—” It was such a vulnerable plea, but his voice was so hoarse it came out as a whisper. “Please, I’ll never do anything ever again. Just don’t—” He broke into sobs while begging Tim.

“No one’s gonna hurt you,” Tim assured, “You’re safe. It’s just a bath.”

Tim slowly guided the jittery Kon to the bathroom, one step at a time. The door squeaked behind them, causing Kon to finch against Tim’s hold. He cried out hoarsely, trying to thrash more violently. 

Tim let go and backed away, not wanting to make this worse. Kon whimpered and backed away, holding himself tightly. His breathing sped up exponentially, face flushing a bright red. They stayed apart for a moment while Kon’s breathing returned to normal. 

Tim slowly inched closer to Kon until he cupped Kon’s burning face. “I know you’re tired. I know. We don’t have to do this now. We can go back to bed if this is too scary.”

Tears fell from his eyes as he looked solemnly at Tim. “P-please don’t send me back. I-I want to live!”

Tim sighed, “You’re gonna live, Kon. I promise. I just wanted to give you a bath, but I understand that that’s not exactly possible right now.”

Kon closed his eyes, beginning to cry. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Sensing his unsteadiness, Tim lowered Kon to the floor, pulling him close. He didn’t offer any other words of affirmation or try to do anything more and just held Kon in his arms as the sounds of his sobs filled the small room. 

~~~

According to Oracle, the antidote was almost done. Tim had managed to carry Kon back to his room when he stopped responding to everything around him. He wasn’t asleep, but he definitely wasn’t lucid. Tim checked his phone after settling Kon atop the bed and breathed a sigh of relief at the good news. This nightmare was almost over. 

Kon lay motionless beside Tim, staring blankly at him. There was a vague flame of life behind those azure irises, but it was dwindling. He didn’t react when Martha came in to drop off lunch or even when she touched his calf. Tim worried he’d gone off the deep end and his mind had finally broken, but he forced himself to power through.

Tim fell into a steady rhythm of draping a cool, damp cloth over Kon’s forehead every fifteen to twenty minutes. Martha had also dropped a bowl of water and a washcloth off to help break Kon’s fever. It was thoughtful, and it gave Tim something to do. Sitting next to his husk of a boyfriend was maddening, so being able to do something for Kon was a slight relief.

The situation severely sabotaged Tim’s appetite, so all he could do was take small bites of the ham and cheese sandwich every few minutes. 

He wished he could do more. There was a prominent need for Tim to be able to fix this, but he couldn’t. There was nothing he could do to really fix this aside from waiting. He wanted to try to get Kon to drink some water, but with him essentially catatonic, that was next to useless.

More time passed, and Tim was lying back beside Kon. He stared at the ceiling, feeling emotionally drained. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” He whispered, unsure if he was talking to Kon or himself. “Everything’s gonna be okay.” He blindly reached for Kon’s hand, holding it loosely. “I promise I’m not giving up on you. I’ll stay here, by your side, no matter how long it takes. You made me promise that no matter how bad you got, I wouldn’t let you suffer alone.”

There was no response. Not that Tim expected one. He liked to think Kon was lucid enough to hear him but was too exhausted to react. At least, that’s what kept Tim from breaking down. So he kept talking.

“You’ve never let me in. I never know what goes on in that big dumb head of yours. But I know you think too much. I wish I knew how to help you better, but I don’t. I’m angry that you won’t let me hold you when you’re sad or listen to your fears, but I still love you. I know what it's like to feel alone. I’ve felt similar despair to what you’re probably feeling right now, and I understand how it distorts your perception of everything until you don’t know what’s real or who to trust.” Tears stabbed at his eyes as he spoke. He trembled every time he opened his mouth but couldn’t stop himself from talking. “But it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. I don’t care if you hear me or not. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you walk away from this completely fine, traumatized, or absolutely ruined, I promise I’ll be there for you.”

Tim refused to let himself cry over this. He was exhausted, but Kon had it worse. So he just kept talking, filling the room with whatever thoughts popped into his head.

“I think I’ll take you on the best date of your life after this.” He smiled and let out a soft chuckle. “You wanted to go back to Hawai’i, right? I know Bruce owns a vacation home down there. I’ve never been, but I’ll plan it out. I mean, you talked about going stargazing, and I hear Hawai’i is perfect for that. No stress, just us.” Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Or we could think bigger. We could take a full month off and go wherever we want. Any country, any town, any price. I won’t even bring my suit or anything like that. I know you don’t believe me, but I mean it. I will completely remove myself from everything just so I can be there with you. That’s how much I love you. I’m willing to unplug just for you.”

Tim looked to the side at his unresponsive partner. He pressed the back of his hand to his forehead and breathed an audible sigh of relief when he felt the temperature had gone down. It wasn’t much, but it was something. His breathing was steady, never really having anything change. 

“Your fever’s going down.” Tim smiled, happy that something good had happened. “That’s good.”

Tim rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. He caressed Kon’s cheek tenderly before kissing his forehead. “Almost there, Superstar .” He laid back down. “Almost there.”

~~~

He was moving again almost an hour and a half after Martha brought them dinner. He wasn’t talking, but he sat up on his own, eyes widening with a terror that Tim had come to expect. It was like watching a zombie rise from the dead. He didn’t move much, but it was something. 

Tim smiled at him, putting a tentative hand on Kon’s back. He leaned closer to Kon, keeping a fair distance between them so he wouldn’t overwhelm Kon too much. “Hey.”

Kon didn’t move, instead just sitting there like a statue.

“You should drink some water,” Tim suggested as he reached for the glass of water on the bedside table. He held it out to Kon despite knowing he wouldn’t do anything with it. Still, he gave him the option so he wouldn’t take away all of Kon’s agency. “C’mon, it’ll help you feel better.”

Kon shakily looked over at Tim, his eyes still bulging out of his head. Tears built up in his eyes as they looked at one another. He didn’t say anything, yet Tim knew he was begging for help. 

“I know,” Tim assured as he moved closer. He raised the glass to his lips, hoping Kon would at least take a sip. “But you need to take care of yourself first.”

He tipped his head back, eyes never fully closing as he drank. The sips were messy, with some water dribbling down his chin. He tipped his head forward, letting out a heavy exhale. 

Tim set the glass down and used his hand to wipe away the spill on Kon’s face. “There you go. And I’m gonna guess you’re not too hungry, so I won’t force that on you. I’ve already made you do enough for one day, so I’ll let you take it easy.”

Kon’s arms slowly rose to hold himself. He seemed removed from the moment. Would he be able to last until the antidote was made? He was deteriorating quickly, and Tim was worried.

“Can I hug you?” Tim asked softly. He knew the answer was always yes, but that didn’t stop him from asking. Kon craved touch almost as much as Tim did, but now Tim just wanted him to feel as loved and respected as possible.

“Kon,” Tim moved before him so Kon could see him. He looked into those fearful eyes of his, feeling like someone had just stabbed him in the heart. But what made it worse was how Kon fell forward against Tim, his head leaning against his shoulder.

His dead weight slumped into Tim as his shaky arms gripped Tim with painful strength. His face buried into Tim’s shoulder for the first time, showing Kon's trust. Maybe Tim staying with Kon wasn’t such a bad thing. At the very least, Kon had something he could trust.

Kon didn’t cry or say anything. Barely a peep squeaked out of him. He just slumped there, barely even shaking. He felt heavy, but that was either from his limp body or Tim’s own exhaustion.

He hadn’t slept much, and what little he got was overshadowed by fussing over Kon. He wanted to ask Martha to watch over Kon for a bit so he could rest, but Kon didn’t establish that kind of relationship with her during his episodes. Besides, Tim was okay with staying with Kon. So long as he was better about taking care of himself, he could last a little longer.

So he sat there, attentive to Kon. He didn’t dare open his mouth and risk sending Kon into a panic attack, so they sat there for God knows how long. Sometimes, Kon’s iron grip would slip, but otherwise, he continued restricting Tim’s airflow.

~~~

The antidote was in transit. 

The next time Tim checked his phone, that information greeted him. Tim almost cried when he read that.

Kon was still lying limply in Tim’s arms by morning, but it was anyone’s guess as to whether or not he was awake. There was a painful ache in Tim’s lower back that he couldn’t address without sacrificing Kon’s comfort. It was a sacrifice Tim was more than willing to make, especially with the end in sight.

“It’s almost over,” Tim informed Kon. His arms cramped from holding Kon for so long, but he remained constant. “Just a little longer.”

Tim churned those four words over in his head throughout the whole day. He was so tired, but not in the way he felt after going out on patrol nonstop, night after night. That was a familiar feeling. It was a weighted blanket that kept him rooted in the present. This was different.

This was dread and helplessness. Tim wanted to do more. If he could reach into Kon’s mind and take out every negative thought, he would. If there was a way to transfer Kon’s fears to himself, Tim would do it in a heartbeat. He just wanted to take the pain away.

“What are you seeing right now?” He wondered aloud. “What did Crane do to you?”

Silence.

“I know you’re tired.” He sighed, “Your body is probably on empty right about now, so you’re probably feeling horrible right now.”

Tim felt himself start to shake the longer he held Kon. He finally forced himself to lie down to take the strain off his body. Kon was silent as he fell with Tim. The pressure of his weight against Tim’s chest was steady and uncomfortable, but Tim was content with it. 

Kon let out a low whine before nuzzling deeper into Tim’s arms. His movement was shaky and stiff, but the way he fit against Tim’s body was perfect. He was perfect, even with his mind at risk of shattering.

“Just a little longer,” Tim sighed as his weak arms forced themselves to stroke Kon’s back. “Get some rest, SB. I’ll be here.”

He looked up at the ceiling, counting the seconds. It was almost over. They were almost out of the woods.

~~~

“Tim!” Martha’s voice called from downstairs. The sound seeped through the walls, making it sound like she was just outside. “Tim, can you come here?”

Kon flinched and let out a weak moan from the noise but was too exhausted to do anything more. With his super-hearing, it must’ve sounded horrible. Coupled with how anxious he was, Tim would’ve been surprised at how calm Kon was if he hadn’t known how exhausted he was.

Tim’s hand carded through his hair soothingly, feeling the intensity of his heartbeat. “I know, love. I know it’s loud.” He slowly sat up and pushed Kon off him before kissing his forehead.

Kon whined and whimpered at the loss of contact, grabbing at the air to pull Tim back. It was like a baby crying out for its bottle. Only Tim actually felt bad.

“I know, I know.” Tim stroked his cheek tenderly, “But I’ll be right back. I promise.”

He left before Kon managed to grab his heartstrings and pull him back down. He hurried down the stairs, the phantom sounds of Kon’s whimpers and pleas for forgiveness playing in his head over again. When he got downstairs, he saw Cass holding a metal briefcase at the door. 

Euphoria filled Tim with energy as he ran over to hug his sister, thankful that this horrible nightmare was finally over. “Thank God,” He breathed as he sat holding her for a second.

Cass returned the embrace with one arm, patting his back before pushing him away. Even with her lack of speech and minimal facial expression, Tim knew she was telling him to hurry up.

“Right, thanks.” Tim stepped back and carefully took the case. He didn’t open it. He just looked back up at Cass. “Same process as usual?”

“Yes.”

“Anything I should know?”

“Two extra.”

“Antidotes?”

She nodded.

“Does he—”

“In case something happens.”

Tim sighed and returned up the stairs with a slight shake in his limbs. He nearly tripped over himself as he approached Kon and elected to open the case on the floor. Tim unclasped the regular locks effortlessly. When he opened the lid, he nearly threw up from excitement.

Three small viles sat neatly in the center with a syringe toward the bottom. The syringe's needle glowed a faint green, making Tim’s heart clench. He knew it was a safe amount and no lasting damage would be done, but Tim still hated using anything with Kryptonite on his boyfriend. Even if it was a small amount mixed with the metal tip and was for Kon’s own good, the thought was enough to raise goosebumps on his skin.

Tim picked up the needle and one of the bottles before taking a shaky breath. He somehow managed to fill the syringe without shaking too much, but sitting on the floor and holding the antidote made his arms tremble. It was just nerves mixed with exhaustion.

This entire journey was finally coming to an end. Tim had barely gotten any rest. He’d barely eaten or drank, hadn’t washed up, and don’t even mention bathroom breaks. But Tim was almost there. He just had to give Kon the drug, and he could finally collapse from exhaustion.

He stood up, forcing himself to walk to where Kon lay. Tim grabbed Kon’s arm, trying to block out the fearful reactions while he tried to find a vein. Tim tried not to remind himself of Kon’s Trypanophobia when he found one. 

He tried not to remember the last time Kon underwent tests and nearly had a panic attack. He tried not to remember his wavering smile and how his chest heaved with every breath. Tim wouldn’t think of the jokes he forced himself to make while tears filled his eyes to keep Kon relaxed. And no, he wasn’t remembering the way Kon pretended he was fine despite the crushing grip he had on Tim’s hand.

Tim pushed those memories out of his mind and injected the mixture into Kon’s veins, bracing himself for the worse. Usually, the antidote took effect almost instantly, but that was on a normal human, not a half-human, half-Kryptonian clone. Anything could happen. Kon could always get his second wind. 

And he did.

Kon screamed, ripping away from Tim so fast and hard the kryptonite infused needly broke the clone’s skin. The sound was loud and filled with the level of fear he’d displayed in the beginning. Tim wasn’t sure if he should chase him or back away as Kon tucked himself into the farthest corner of the bed that hit the wall. His arms covered his head as his breathing picked up again.

He muttered incoherently, his voice barely anything more than a painful rasp. Tim reached out to Kon as he tucked the syringe behind his back, trying to reach him, but the electric press of TTK stopped Tim before he could get close.

“It’s okay, Kon,” Tim promised while feeling like the biggest asshole. “It’s over. You’re okay now.” Tim wished he was certain of that, but with his reaction, Tim was prepared to have to inject him again.

Tim sat there, watching Kon tremble for a few minutes before he seemed to calm down. After seven minutes, Kon looked at him with confusion and relief. His lips moved to form Tim’s name, but only a soft squeak came out. 

“It’s okay, Kon. I’m here.”

Tears dripped down his cheeks as Kon slowly inched closer. Tim reached over to set the syringe on the bedside table so he could hold out his arms in an inviting hug.

“C’mere, Superstar,” Tim spoke to him like he was one of the child victims he so frequently dealt with. “It’s gonna be alright.”

Kon finally climbed into Tim’s arms, hugging him back. His face tucked into the small of Tim’s neck as he broke into quiet sobs. “It hurts… it hurts so much…”

Tim rubbed circles on Kon’s back while he began rocking them. “I know. I know.”

It took a few minutes, but Kon eventually had enough energy to speak.

“I don’t—I don’t know what to do.” Kon’s voice was weak and shaky. “I-I know I’m fine, but it still—fuck, it still hurts. Why does it hurt, Tim? What’s wrong with me?”

Hearing his voice, still riddled with so much fear and pair, was agonizing. The awareness was a relief, but it gave way to another, more tangible fear for both of them: Was Kon going to get out of this alright? 

Chapter Text

Tim slept for eighteen hours. 

It was eight-sixteen in the morning when Tim woke up. He felt better. His limbs weren’t heavy, and he wasn’t as shaky. 

While his boyfriend was still asleep, he took care of his own business. He was ravenously hungry and scarfed down the breakfast Martha graciously prepared and even ate seconds. He washed up, showered, and used the toilet for the first time in days. 

Standing in the bathroom in clean clothes made Tim feel like a person. He wasn’t as painfully tired but still anxious. He worried about Kon. It was a cloud looming over his shoulder, trying to pull him back into the swirling pit of nerves that’d consumed him over the past few days.

Tim reentered the bedroom and saw Kon still sleeping.

He crawled back into bed beside him, draping an arm over his boyfriend’s still frame. Sleep didn’t come easy to him. His fears and worries tumbled around in his mind for a few hours. He didn’t know what to do now. Obviously, he’d stick around and help Kon as best as possible, but what about after that? Kon’s time spent drugged with fear toxin obviously left him shaken. Knowing his boyfriend, he’d joke and brush it off. He would insist he was fine and refuse to talk about it. How long would he suffer on his own?

Tim couldn’t be with Kon every second of every day. He couldn’t force him to open up. Tim didn’t know what he could do to ensure Kon would be fine.

Kon stirred, rolling onto his side so he was facing Tim. He reached out to Tim, whining as he pulled them together until they fit together like puzzle pieces. 

“Hey,” Tim massaged his scalp before leaning down to kiss the top of his head. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Think ‘m still sick…” His voice was still raspy and raw, but his fast healing made it less painful to hear.

He reached out and pressed the back of his hand to Kon’s forehead. The skin still radiated a feverish temperature, but it was better than it had been. “Well, your body is still recovering from the stress.” Tim paused and took a breath. “Plus, you’re still shaken up a little. You just need to rest up and take care of yourself.”

They sat silently for a moment, bathing in each other’s presence before Kon was the first to speak. “I’m still scared, Tim.” Kon squeezed himself tighter against Tim. “Everything felt too real. I-I couldn’t even recognize your voice. I thought you were going to hurt me.”

It was a genuine confession. The weight of Kon’s words hung in the air like a foul odor. Tim wanted to say something to him, but he wanted to give Kon a chance to air out his feelings. Genuine, unobscured, emotional vulnerability was rare with Kon, and after being scared into silence for as long as he had, this was something Tim doubted he’d be able to get again.

“I was a monster, just like when Luthor—” A soft hiccough interrupted him.

Tim hummed and rubbed his back. “It’s okay. Take your time. You don’t have to talk if it still hurts.”

“Everything hurts, Tim.” Kon pulled back, looking at Tim with exhausted eyes. “And I don’t know if it’ll ever stop.”

He wanted to say something to try and reassure him, but he couldn’t think of anything he could say. Instead, Tim reached out to cradle Kon’s cheek. “So, your nightmare?”

Kon didn’t flinch at Tim’s touch. “They said I was a monster. They hated me because I killed someone, but it wasn’t my fault! Luthor—” His voice failed again, but Tim knew what he was trying to say. 

He remembered the terror gripping his heart when Kon turned on them. Everyone remembered it, but they never really talked about it anymore. Kon always got uncomfortable and redirected the conversation to something else, so they stopped trying.

“I-I saw Clark,” He continued after a few minutes of quiet contemplation. “And—and he threatened to send me back to Cadmus. He called me a worthless pretender, a-and it sounded just like him. He didn’t always say something to me. Sometimes, he’d ignore me, others he’d scream at me, and one time, he tried to kill me.”

“Oh, baby…” Tim cooed as his thumb eased over Kon’s cheekbone. He knew about how strained Kon’s relationship with Clark was, so it was only natural that his insecurities about that played into his hallucinations.

“And everyone left me.” His voice was barely louder than a whisper. “Even you… you regretted ever meeting me. You said you wished the cloning attempt had failed so I never existed…”

Tim sighed and shook his head, feeling his eyes swim with tears. He could never imagine thinking something that cruel, let alone saying it. He hoped Kon knew that he would never ever say something so heartless. “Conner…Kon…”

“You still love me, right?” He sounded so genuine and feeble as he spoke. Tears dribbled from his eyes as hiccoughs slipped from his mouth. “Tell me you do… please?”

Tim leaned closer, leaning his forehead against Kon’s. “I love you, Conner Kent. I love you so much.” 

Kon sobbed as his shaky hands grabbed at Tim’s shirt. He pulled himself closer until his face buried into Tim’s shirt.

“I love you more than words can say,” Tim continued, his arm holding Kon securely against him, “Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think of saying something so cruel. Even now, after everything that happened, I am still madly in love with you. No matter what happens, even if we grow apart, I will always love you.”

The sobs lasted too long. Even after Kon went silent and trembled in his arms, Tim’s ears still rang from their echoes. Kon had to be absolutely exhausted, yet he remained awake. When Kon pulled away, face puffy and flushed, he looked at Tim with bloodshot eyes. The exhaustion bled into his expression, leaving him as worn-out and numb as he probably felt.

“I’m hungry,” He said flatly. “Can we go eat?”

“Of course,” Tim forced himself to sit upright, feeling dizzy from the change in tone.

~~~

Kon always had a bigger appetite. It wasn’t equitable to Clark’s by any measure, but it was more than the average human. From where Tim sat, it looked like he was scarfing food down, but he knew it wasn’t enough to restore his energy. 

It didn’t take long for him to stop eating. He held himself timidly, leg bouncing with anxiety. His eyes fixed on his pate and the pile of food he’d yet to eat. There was still residual fear in his eyes. It was a faint crackle, but it was there.

Tim reached over and put a hand on his forearm. 

Kon slowly turned to look at Tim with glassy and distant eyes. Exhaustion covered his irises like a layer of film. It barely masked his panic, letting it simmer just under the surface. He seemed detached from reality, only barely aware of his surroundings.

Tim moved his hand to hold Kon’s, giving him a soft squeeze. He tried smiling, hoping he could reassure him, but Kon only looked down at their hands.

Tim’s thumb rubbed the back of his hand, feeling the smooth skin and hard knuckles. The silence between them was uncertain, but there was something almost precious about it. After days of sitting in agony, forced to watch Kon suffer, knowing that he shared a moment like this was something special.

Slowly, Kon drifted closer until they were shoulder to shoulder. His head leaned on Tim’s shoulder as he let out a long sigh. Neither uttered a word as they sat together, food growing cold and forgotten. The world shrank to just the two of them in the quaint little kitchen. Tim could feel how Kon trembled, but it was nothing like the vicious way his body shook when his mind was poisoned with fear toxin. This was a slight shake in his limbs.

Tim gradually released Kon’s hand to wrap his arm around him. He held Kon close, allowing him to melt into the embrace. His arms slowly wrapped around Tim, nuzzling into Tim’s chest. It was the most genuine and honest show of affection they’d had in days. So they continued to sit in silence.

Eventually, Kon let out a heavy sigh and moved away. “You know you’re free to leave, Tim. You don’t have to stay here.”

Tim looked at his partner, “I know. I want to be here.”

“But you’ve done enough. I don’t wanna be a chore.” Kon’s gaze drifted down, avoiding Tim’s eyes. “I know I’ve done—”

“Kon,” Tim cupped the side of Kon’s face, guiding him to look him in the eyes, “You’re not a chore . You’re my boyfriend, and I love you, so I will do whatever I can to make this easier for you.”

He smiled timidly, but instead of responding, he fell silent.

~~~

There was a lot they needed to navigate, but Tim allowed Kon space to breathe. They didn’t have to be together every second of the day, and it was only the second day. 

Kon didn’t sleep in his room the entire night. It was an innocent act on its own, but with everything that’d happened, Tim was reasonably worried. When Tim noticed the cold sheets beside him, a brief flicker of anxiety flashed in his chest. 

He scrambled out of bed and went downstairs to look for his partner. He was soothed by the sight of Kon curled on the couch in front of the TV. Tim let out a brief sigh of relief and was about to join him, but then he noticed the rest of the picture. 

Kon’s head lay on Martha’s lap as she stroked his side. For the first time, the old woman seemed comforted and peaceful. She didn’t seem as stressed, with her attention barely drifting to the television. Instead, she watched the boy on her lap with a content smile.

Tim could make out the shadow of Johnathan in the kitchen before he appeared with three mugs in hand. He sat next to Kon, closing him into a comfortable box of safety before setting the mugs down.

No one said a word, but they all seemed content. No one seemed tense or even uncomfortable. From where Tim stood, it just looked like a normal family moment. He wouldn’t intrude just because he was worried. No, this was a precious moment. 

Kon lifted his head, tired eyes drifting over to where Tim stood. There wasn’t any palpable emotion in his gaze, nor was there a reaction. It was just a quiet acknowledgment of Tim’s presence and nothing more.

Tim smiled and lifted his hand in a small wave but didn’t stay any longer. He’d let them have their family moment and slip back into the shadows. The Kents were worried sick about Kon and couldn’t do anything to help. They needed this more than Tim needed to be with him.

So, for the first night in a while, Tim and Kon slept separately.

~~~

When Tim awoke, Kon still wasn’t there. That wasn’t an issue, and Tim wouldn’t turn it into one. He was willing to continue with his morning. He walked into the bathroom and was greeted by his boyfriend’s figure standing over the counter, staring at himself in the mirror.

Tim moved behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. He settled his chin on Kon’s shoulder and moved closer. “Morning, love.”

Kon looked at Tim in the mirror, eyes still holding last night's exhaustion. He was still in a slight daze, but there was a slight flicker of recognition and relief in those icy irises. A slight smile tugged at the corners of his lips as his body relaxed. “Hey…” The exhaustion in his tone gave way to the slight southern drawl he’d picked up. Due to him spending so much of his time as Superboy up north, it was more subtle, but it was there.

“Everything alright?” 

He hummed as his smile lessened. “Didn’t sleep much.”

“You weren’t there last night,” Tim noted, “You slept on the couch.”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Kon leaned his head against Tim’s, his hands drifting to rest atop his. 

“Kon…”

“I know. I know.” Kon sighed. “But at least I got to spend time with Ma and Pa.”

“Yeah.” Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath, only for his nose to fill with the scent of salt and sweat. His face scrunched up as he looked back at Kon with a slight pout. “God, you stink.”

“So do you,” Chuckled Kon with a more relaxed expression. “I was just being nice.”

Tim scoffed and pulled away. “I actually tried to get you to take a bath, but you weren’t having it.”

A familiar shadow fell over his face. Kon leaned over the bathroom counter, his head hanging. He didn’t say anything, just standing there in a trance-like state.

Recognizing his error, Tim moved closer, stepping next to Kon. His hand rested beside Kon’s, unsure if he should initiate contact. “Hey, I-I didn’t mean—”

“Do you wanna take a shower?” Kon asked in a strangely robotic tone. Tim could see his eyes wide with something reminiscent of terror. 

Tim nodded, “Sure.” He stepped back, fighting the urge to peck him on the cheek. “I’ll get us clean clothes. You can get the water running.”

Kon nodded, not looking up as Tim left.

Tim grabbed sweats and t-shirts, knowing they probably wouldn’t be up to doing too much. He wasn’t trying to move quickly, giving Kon time to compose himself. When he mentioned the bath, it might’ve triggered something in Kon. He would have to be careful about that in the future.

A few minutes passed before Tim walked back into the bathroom. When he saw Kon, he hadn’t moved from his spot and was just standing there, trembling in place. His breathing was shaky, coming out in shuddering bursts.

“Kon?” Tim set the clothes on the counter and closed the door behind him. “Are you okay?”

Kon sniffled and wiped his eyes, giving a watery smile. “Yeah…”

Seeing him so close to breaking down, Tim felt a similar hopelessness to what drove him to take care of Kon. “Do you need a minute?”

He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, “No. No, I’m fine.” He turned and pulled back the shower curtain, reaching for the faucet. “Let’s just hurry up.”

Tim hesitated. He could see that something was wrong, and Kon was blatantly ignoring it. Obviously, it was something that they should address, but Tim didn’t know how much Kon was willing to talk about. He didn’t want to push him too much.

But then Kon stood up and started peeling off his shirt. The motion was stiff, but he moved firmly. He wasn’t going to entertain a conversation. Not yet, at least. 

So, Tim did the same, stripping down to nothing. There was an embarrassing amount of relief that came from peeling off his pants. It was like removing a heavy layer of filth from his body. He felt lighter both mentally and physically. 

Kon looked at Tim and smiled. His eyes traveled along Tim’s body, looking all over him. “Hey, handsome.”

Tim scoffed, looking at Kon’s body. His eyes traced Kon’s muscles, looking at his beautiful physique. “I don’t know about handsome… especially when my boyfriend looks like a Greek god.”

He rolled his eyes, “Come on, Rob. Get in here.”

Tim walked into the shower, stepping under the cool spray. Kon stepped behind Tim, immediately moving to hold him. His touch was warmer than the water, sending shocks of pleasant electricity rippling through Tim’s veins.

There was nothing sexual between them—Tim would make sure of that—but there was a deeper intimacy that they shared. Neither of them moved for a moment, just basking in one another. 

Kon’s hands ran up and down Tim’s sides, caressing him gently. His touch was gentle to an impossible extent. There was a slight tremor to the motion, maybe out of fear or moving so much.

“Are you okay?” The words were soft, but he knew Kon could hear them.

Kon pressed himself against Tim, hunching his body over to envelop Tim. “Don’t talk. Just let me take care of you for once.”

Tim nodded, allowing him to care for him. He felt Kon slowly lather soap on his body, shaky hands caressing every muscle and available surface. 

Tim didn’t talk or dare take the moment away from Kon. He could hear his shuddering breaths and sniffles but knew better than to ruin the moment. As much as Tim wanted to care for him, Kon obviously needed this.

Strong, practiced fingers massaged through Tim’s hair as the odd scent of mangoes fell over him. It wasn’t oppressive or overwhelming, just an essence of mid-summer. Tim closed his eyes, tipping his head back, chasing the promise of Kon’s touch. He’d allow it. It was what they needed so they would stay present in the moment.

They moved together, rinsing Tim off in the cool water. Occasionally, Kon would lower his lips to Tim’s shoulder, never really kissing him but not just resting there. He was hesitating, but Tim couldn’t tell why.

“Fuck…” Kon breathed, tightening his arms around Tim. His breath tickled Tim’s skin, raising goosebumps all over. “Damn it.”

“Conner?” Tim turned his head to look at his partner, concerned for his mental state. “Are you…”

Kon shuddered, his breathing picking up slightly. “Ignore me. I-I just love you so much…” He didn’t sound too sure. Obviously, Tim knew Kon adored him. There was no question about it. But it sounded like a deflection.

“I love you too,” Tim replied honestly. He lifted his hand to hold Kon’s head as he strained to kiss him.

They stood together for a few minutes more, Kon continuing to shake until Tim had to say something. “Do you want me to wash you?”

“Yeah…” Kon lifted his head and sniffled. “Yeah, sure.”

Tim squeezed some body wash into his hand. He massaged Kon’s shoulders, trying to coax the tension out of his trembling muscles. His success was negligible, so he focused on lathering the soap onto his back and arms. Kon didn’t move, just allowing Tim to touch him. 

“Can I wash your hair?” Tim asked gently, trying to test the waters.

“Yeah…” The lack of conviction in his tone did nothing to inspire confidence.

He cleared his throat and reached for shampoo. “Right… uh, can you crouch down for me?”

Kon wordlessly crouched, giving Tim easy access to the top of his head. Tim would only do a light pass with shampoo and be less thorough than usual. He scratched his scalp, digging through his thick hair and dispersing the soap as much as possible. Kon moaned softly, almost whimpering from Tim’s touch.

That was the indicator that Tim needed. Their shower was over. “Okay, rinse.”

There was so much uncertainty between them, but they managed. The sound of water beating on them became all Tim could hear as he watched Kon rinse his hair. Once done, Tim reached around him to turn off the faucet.

Kon continued standing there for a moment longer before finally leaving the shower. Tim followed and handed the dazed clone the crumpled towel. Tim reached into the closet and pulled out a spare towel to dry off. He felt better having cleaned off and was filled with energy. He was dried and dressed while Kon was still standing there.

“Talk to me,” Tim requested, noticing how his hands shook. He took the towel from Kon’s hands and wrapped it around his waist. “What’s happening?”

“Nothing,” His eyes shone with tears, “I’m fine.”

Tim pulled back after fastening the towel. “You don’t look fine…”

“Tim,” Kon whimpered his name, practically begging him. The look in his eyes was desperate, with layers of pain and exhaustion covering them like film.

“We’ll have to talk eventually.” Tim reasoned, not trying to fight Kon.

“I know.” Kon whimpered breathlessly. “Just not now. Please, not now.”

“Okay.”

~~~

They didn’t do much for the rest of the day. Kon lay in the sun, trying to heal as much as possible. Tim gave him space, choosing to read under a nearby tree. He was far enough not to smother Kon but close enough that Kon could come to him if he wanted. 

Tim lost himself in reading until he couldn’t hold his eyes open. He was only supposed to rest for a moment, but when he opened his eyes, Kon wasn’t there. 

Tim looked around, trying to find his partner. Finally, he found Kon walking deeper into the fields, his figure growing smaller. 

Tim didn’t follow, but he watched Kon stroll away with purpose. He wiped the dried drool from the corners of his mouth as he closed his book. He didn’t know what Kon was doing, but he wanted to be alone.

Kon stopped walking after a while, standing still in the grass field. He didn’t move for a while and walked far away enough that Tim couldn’t make out much of what he was doing. He could’ve been talking or just standing. 

It was a few moments of still silence, with Tim’s heart pounding against his chest.

~~~

They took a walk through through the fields. Tim wanted to take the time to talk about everything, but Kon didn’t seem interested in talking. Instead, he kept his arms crossed, walking a few steps ahead of Tim. 

It was cloudy out. Tim understood that Kon might not be as interested in talking without sunlight recharging his energy, so he wouldn’t force anything. So he kept a steady pace behind Kon, trying to give him space.

“Tim,” Kon turned back to look at him, “Am I hard to love?”

They both stopped walking and stared at one another. 

Tim frowned at him, concerned about what prompted the question. “Of course not.”

“I just know I’m really needy, and this hasn’t been easy on you. Obviously, I know you care, and you like helping me, but is it more energy than it’s worth?”

“It’s worth it to me,” Tim assured. “You’re worth every second.”

Kon didn’t seem convinced. His eyes narrowed, lowering away from Tim. He folded his arms, shrinking away from Tim. He backed away, increasing the distance between them. His feet kicked at the ground, picking up dust that blew away with the wind.

“Kon,” He sighed, reaching out to his partner. It pained him to see Kon back away like he was a threat, but he didn’t push it. “I love you. It’s not easy, but it’s not hard either. I’m willing to do whatever I have to for you.”

Kon cleared his throat and turned around, “I wish I believed you.”

Tim took a breath and stepped closer. Kon needed reassurance. He needed to know that Tim was being honest. This was a test. He needed someone to go out of their way to show that they loved him.

That was always a massive part of Kon’s personality. He’s been told a million different things by so many different people. Anyone can tell him they care. He’s heard too many promises that sometimes he needed more than words to inspire him. After being trapped in a relentless nightmare for a week, he needed all the reassurance he could get.

Tim’s arms slowly slipped around Kon, holding his arms, pulling them close together. He rose to his toes and settled his chin on Kon’s shoulder. There was so much fear and tension in his muscles. His body trembled slightly and almost resisted the embrace, but Kon didn’t move against Tim’s hold. Instead, he allowed himself to stand there, secure in the hug.

“You love me.” Kon’s voice was a soft whisper. It wasn’t a question. He wasn’t asking for reassurance or questioning Tim’s honesty, just reaffirming what he already knew.

Tim nodded, keeping quiet. He didn’t need to talk—he’d done enough of that. Now, it was Kon’s turn.

Uncertain hands rose to hold Tim’s forearm. Tim allowed the clone to take his hand, lifting it to his lips. Small puffs of warm breath blew against his skin as Kon’s natural body heat relaxed his muscles.

“You’re always there for me.” He spoke in the same soft tone as his head leaned against Tim’s. His fingers loosened around his hand, allowing Tim to return to holding him. Kon took a deep breath, shuddering on his exhale. His hands settled atop Tim’s arms as his body slowly deflated. “Even when I don’t deserve it, you’re the first one by my side.”

Tim hummed and tightened his arms around Kon. He nodded slowly, allowing Kon to complete his train of thought.

“I don’t believe that I deserve someone as wonderful as you. To me, you’re too good. You’re perfect, and I’m just so scared I’m gonna hurt you. I don’t want to do anything that can endanger you or anyone else.” Kon leaned back against Tim, his body growing heavier. “So, if I ever do anything that positions me as a threat, I don’t want you to let me get away with it. I don’t want to live with the guilt of hurting anyone ever again. I never want to be anyone’s weapon.”

Tim nodded, understanding and sympathizing with his anxiety. “I will, Superstar .” Tim knew why that wound reopened. He knew it was something he saw. “Do you want to—”

“No. I don’t.” 

Tim wanted to know what went on in his mind. He wanted to know what Kon saw so he could be there for him, but he knew not to push. He could only do so much.

“Stay here?” 

Kon nodded, “Yeah. I need all the sun I can get.”

“Kay.”

~~~

“Can we talk?” Kon stood at the door, hair curly and dripping from his shower. He stood timidly, his hand holding his neck awkwardly.

Tim perked up at the question. They were finally talking. Finally. “Yeah, of course.”

He moved over, patting the spot next to him in bed. Kon floated over to Tim, crawling beside him. He sat next to Tim, who’d been lying in bed, scrolling through his phone. 

They locked eyes for a moment, silence dragging on for too long. Kon reached down, caressing the back of his hand against Tim’s cheek. His touch was shaky and featherlight, almost like he feared touching Tim. It was still sweet, but Tim could feel his hesitance.

“I don’t know where to start,” Kon admitted after minutes of agonizing silence.

Tim chuckled flatly and sat up. “Neither do I.”

He could see the weight of the conversation weighing on Kon’s shoulders. He curled away from Tim, averting his gaze. He collected his hands in his lap, wringing them together. There was just a slight tremor—nothing too severe.

“How are you feeling?” Tim asked, swallowing the urge to reach out to him.

Kon sighed, his shoulders slumping, “Shaky.”

“Is the antidote…”

“It worked.” Kon fiddled with his thumbs.

“But you’re still—”

“It lingers. It’s like that feeling you get after a panic attack, but it’s all the time.”

“So this entire time, you’ve just been feeling like that?”

Kon nodded, still not looking at Tim, “Even after lying in the sun, it’s like my strength refuses to replenish. I know I’m physically fine. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, and I know I’m safe, but I’m always on edge.” He started shaking. Tears dripped from his eyes, landing with quiet splats on his hands. “It’s scary, Tim. It’s like a bubble swelling inside me, just itching to burst. I know I’m holding everything in, and I don’t know when it’s all gonna come spilling out.”

Tim swallowed hard, feeling his heart thumping against his chest. He reached out, tentatively touching Kon’s clammy hands. Tim didn’t pry or prompt him any further. Instead, he let Kon speak on his own. 

“I know I shouldn’t hold everything in,” Kon’s head lulling against his shoulder. “I should just let it out and do whatever it is I should do. I should talk to you instead of being moody and distant, but—” His voice squeaked, silencing the rest of his words. 

“It’s okay,” Tim assured, “You’ve been through a lot and are probably exhausted. You don’t have to do anything this early on. Just focus on staying comfortable.”

“But I know it would make me feel so much better.” His voice lowered to a hoarse croak, probably strained from holding back tears. “I know what I should do. I know what will make me feel better, but I can’t do it.”

“Kon,” Tim eased his thumb over clenched fists, “You’re doing it right now.”

“Not as well as I could .”

“These things take time.”

“It was just a nightmare.” Kon sat up with an annoyed huff. “That’s all it was. I’m freaking out over a nightmare.” He pulled his hand away to hold himself. “It’s stupid. I know it wasn’t real. Nothing I saw actually happened, but I’m acting like I experienced it.”

Tim looked at Kon, seeing the way his face contracted into frustration. He was shocked at how upset he was over that. “But you did experience it.”

Kon looked at the wall. “Not really…”

“Conner,” Tim spoke the human name slowly, “You were trapped in that “nightmare” for days. You were terrified. You couldn’t recognize me. Hell, you thought I was gonna hurt you. That’s not nothing. It’s not like you can just snap out of that.”

“But I want to.”

“But you can’t.”

“Why not? I took the antidote. I should be fine, but instead, I’m still so scared of everything.”

“Why didn’t you say something before?” Tim put a hand on his trembling shoulders, “I could’ve—”

“Could’ve what?” Kon jumped off the bed, turning away from Tim. His arms folded protectively over his chest as he tried closing off from Tim. “You can’t help me, Tim. I already tried taking another dose, and it didn’t work. I’m stuck like this.”

Tim slipped off the bed, “Kon, that’s not how that works. You know that.”

“But I don’t want to feel like this.” 

They fell silent for a bit. Tim struggled, trying to think of something to say. He wasn’t prepared for something like this. This wasn’t what he expected from Kon. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear, but this was so much worse.

Still, Tim wasn’t deterred.

He slowly slipped his arms around Kon’s waist, pulling them together. He rested his chin on his shoulder and started swaying. They stayed quiet, both struggling to relax.

Tim’s instincts were telling him to leave. Years of disappearing when things got tough taught him to cut his losses and take the easy way out. It was always easier to turn his back and keep quiet, but Tim didn’t want to do that—not with Kon.

He did his best to ignore the tremor in his arms and the tightness in his throat. Nothing, not even Batman, could take Tim from Kon’s side. So what if he was uncomfortable? Kon needed him now more than ever. 

“I don’t like not being strong,” Kon admitted softly, “And I’ve never felt so weak. Even when my powers…” He trailed off, sniffling. “I’m scared, Tim.”

“It’s okay,” Tim’s arms tightened around him. “You’re okay.”

“I don’t think I am.” A small sob slipped out of him, “What if I never recover from this? What if I’m like this forever?”

Tim sighed, “It’s only been a few days. You won’t snap back immediately, but you can recover.”

“How do you know? How do you know I’m not broken?”

Tim let go of him, circling around to look in his eyes. He smiled, taking trembling hands in his and planting gentle kisses on the backs of them. “Because I know you. You’re always strong, even if you don’t feel like it. Superboy always comes back, even if it takes a while.”

A smile spread across his face as he laughed for the first time since this ordeal started. It was soft, but the glow from his cheeks told Tim that he meant it. “You big sap.”

“Only for you, Superstar.”

“And you’ll be with me, right, Sunshine? ” His expression softened as he asked.

Now, it was Tim’s turn to blush. His heart fluttered with hope as Superboy used Tim’s favorite nickname. “Was there ever any doubt?”