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Lucy Gray was tired, no, exhausted as she packed up her guitar backstage. Their show had gone great, the Covey didn’t miss a single beat and they had earned a record high for tips tonight.
Still, she couldn’t help but notice how her bones ached the second she stepped out of the spotlight. With Maude Ivory chattering happily about the show to her left, and Barb Azure humming under her breath to her right, she felt an uncharacteristic tension creeping up her back.
She couldn’t bear to face Coriolanus like this, who was undoubtedly on his way to meet her backstage. They were already so tense as of late, with their last discussion ending in silent seething when Coriolanus accidentally referred to District Twelve folk as animals. She knew with the nonchalance of his voice, the relaxed smile on his lips, that his mask had slipped unknowingly.
Their conversation following that slip was not one she would like to relive, and she was pretty positive that Coriolanus was coming to apologize.
She needed a breath of fresh air, she decided, and without saying a word she slipped out of the room and out the side door that led to the back alley.
The quiet calmed her immediately, and she let out a soft sigh as she rubbed her temples.
As she rounded the corner she was surprised to find that she was not alone. Two figures were entangled in one another, the shorter one's back was pressed against the brick wall as the taller figure leaned down to nip at their neck, like a vampire feasting on its prey.
The shadows had enveloped them completely, making their identities nearly unknowable from where she stood. However, she noticed the shaved head of the shorter shadow who panted heavily under the taller figure's attention.
Clearly she was interrupting something, and took a slow step back. Softly, as to not startle the lovers out of their daze.
She recognized that feeling, of being so enraptured with someone that kissing them felt like the most important thing in the world, everything else fell away so easily. Her chest welled up with something painful, something poisonous, as she felt it tighten at the thought of her love, her Coriolanus.
Caught up in her own head, her heel made contact with a piece of scrap metal, and she froze as the two dark figures jumped apart at the sound.
Instead of bolting, she took a firm step forward, her hands finding their place behind her back, and her head bowing sheepishly.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize y’all were here until I turned the corner,” she began, her voice soft and apologetic, “I’ll get out of your hair now.”
Before she left, she stole a glance at the two mystery lovers before her. The taller figure was still partially enshrouded, but she could make out short, black hair and tan skin covered in soot. A miner then, she decided.
Turning her gaze to the other man, she noticed the blue peacekeeper fatigues, the shirt had been unbuttoned completely, leaving the white tank top underneath visible. She locked eyes with a pair similar in color to her own, and recognized the fear in them as she took in the figure in front of her.
“Sejanus?” She said, her voice a little too loud for her own good.
The miner turned to look at the peacekeeper.
“You know her? She’s not your girl is she?” He asked, his voice edging on frantic.
She barked out a laugh, and quickly covered her mouth with her hands when Sejanus shot her a panicked look.
“No! She’s a friend of mine, honest to god.” Sejanus explained, and Lucy Gray felt a half smile form on her lips.
Even in the dark, Lucy Gray could see how flushed Sejanus was, he was red from his chest to his cheeks, although some of that could’ve been the miners doing.
The taller boy looked at Lucy Gray, and then back at Sejanus. She watched as he ran a hand through his hair and then began to shift his weight back and forth. He looked as if he were about to bolt, not like she could blame him. She wouldn’t want to be caught kissing Coriolanus like her life depended on it, and she felt a little bad for interrupting their fun.
Sure enough, the miner boy spoke up.
“I should probably go, I’ll see you around?” He said, gesturing towards Sejanus. The shorter boy smiled at that, and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Sure, see you.” He replied shyly.
The miner boy grinned, and tipped his hat at the both of them.
“It was lovely meeting you,” he said to Lucy Gray, before turning around and disappearing into the alley around the corner.
The silence stretched on for a few moments, before Lucy Gray broke it.
“So, you like ‘em strong, huh?”
Sejanus only groaned in response, burying his face in his hands.
“No! No! I liked him, he was handsome!” She tried, “Not exactly my type, but you sure seemed to be enjoyin’ his company.”
Sejanus only shook his head at that, and although he was hiding his face behind his hands, she could see his cheeks were lit up in a wide smile.
“I can't have one moment of peace around here, can I?” He complained, but it had no real bite to it.
“I said I was sorry!” She replied with a laugh.
“No, no, it’s really no big deal,” he assured her, his hands finally coming away from his face to button up his shirt, “Honestly? I’m just glad you caught me instead of Coryo.”
“Why’s that? He don’t know you swing that way?” She asked, joining the boy against the wall. The weathered brick felt cool against her back, it was nice to have something that balanced out the creep of the warm night air.
Sejanus shook his head, “Coryo’s not the type to judge that kinda stuff,” he explained, “he just doesn’t like me hanging around with district folk ever since he saw me talking to Billy Taupe.”
Lucy Gray agreed with Coriolanus on that one, she knew Billy Taupe better than either of the two boys and she knew he was real trouble.
Billy Taupe had a sweet tooth, Lucy Gray had learned that the hard way. He loved to indulge himself on saccharine sentiments until he felt sick, and then he would look for something bitter to offset the taste of pure affection.
She knew that whatever he wanted out of Sejanus, it would bring trouble for all of them.
Sejanus continued with a quick laugh.
“If he had seen me ‘fraternizing’ with a district boy? I’d never hear the end of it,” he said, and Lucy Gray watched as he stuck a hand into his trouser pocket, and pulled out a small silver tin.
The tin opened to reveal a handful of what looked to be clove cigarettes, and Sejanus plucked one out before closing the lid and finding his pocket lighter.
She cocked her head as he stuck the cigarette in between his lips and held the flame up to the end.
“Didn’t take you for a smoker,” she said placidly.
Everyone in Twelve had their poison, for some it was drowning themselves in drink, letting all of their worries wash away with the burn of the white liquor. For others it was the momentary relief that came from a smoke after a long day in the mines. The common choice was a combination of both, and Lucy Gray was not a stranger to either.
Sejanus huffed, smirking slightly as he tucked the lighter back into his pocket.
“I know I don’t look like the type, but I grew up watching my dad smoke cigars in his study,” he said, before putting the cigarette back to his lips and inhaling.
“Sometimes, if I stood in the doorway long enough, he would invite me in and start telling me about how lucky I was to be in the Capitol. That if I had faced what he had gone through, I would be a whole lot more appreciative.” He finished, his tone laced with bitterness.
“What did your Pa have to say about you comin’ back to the districts?” She asked, tucking a wild strand of hair behind her ear.
“He told me I was throwing my life away, that I’ve never been grateful for the life he gave me.”
He took another drag of the cigarette before he continued. Even though he tried to keep a neutral, almost disinterested expression, Lucy Gray saw the fury etched into his face as clear as day.
“I told him I’d rather be dead in the districts than alive in the Capitol. We haven’t spoken since.”
“He sounds like a real treat,” Lucy Gray said flatly. Sejanus chuckled in response.
“Did you know he bought my tribute?” Sejanus asked, his voice edging on distressed, “a reminder that I’ll never be able to go back to Two.”
She winced at that, recalling their first conversation at the Hob. She remembered the way he froze when she mentioned chains, how he seemed to disappear completely into himself for a moment, before pulling himself back to reality with a deep breath. Now it made sense, it was more personal than she could’ve ever imagined.
She thought of the boy from Two, with dark hair and even darker eyes. She remembered how he sat with his back turned while Sejanus begged him to take his food from the other side of the bars, how he trembled as he hung from the concrete beam, his face bloody and littered with bruises.
She thought of the miner Sejanus was with earlier, his tan skin, his dark hair. Her heart sank at the realization.
Poor, sweet Sejanus, whose grief had left him searching for ghosts in the living.
“I’m so sorry, Sejanus.”
“He was my classmate, Marcus.” “He was kind to me as a child. I was a traitor, and yet he was kind.”
Lucy Gray turned to face him completely. Softly, she reached up to cup Sejanus’ cheek in her palm. She guided his face gently to face her own, and their eyes met. His eyes were glassy, filled with a sorrow she was only now starting to understand.
“You were just a kid.” She whispered, her throat tight.
His stare bore through her, and she watched as a stray tear rolled down his cheek.
“And so were you.” He said simply, his breath stuttering as he inhaled.
Her left hand dropped from his cheek and plucked the cigarette from Sejanus’ hand gently. She turned back towards the alley, her right hand clutching the fabric of her skirt. She thought of green eyes and hair as pale as straw.
She took a drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke burn her lungs before she exhaled slowly.
She didn’t like smoking so much – her voice was her only asset and the thought of ruining it with tar and yellowed teeth was not too enticing. Still, she couldn’t bear the ache in her chest any longer, anything to quiet the pain would do.
“I know a thing or two about loss, seen enough of it for a lifetime.” She started, and Sejanus kept his gaze on her as she spoke.
“I knew a girl once, her name was Iris. Her daddy was a merchant. She used to slip me fruits under the table,” Lucy Gray explained, a smile playing at her lips, “usually rotten things, or ones that were too ripe to sell.”
“I felt right awful taking things from her, here in Twelve if someone does you a favor, you owe em’. I had nothing to give her, I couldn’t pay her back.”
She paused, letting the silence hang as she thought of rose compacts and tear stained handkerchiefs. Lucy Gray looked up at Sejanus, who seemed to be thinking about his own unpaid debts. What string of fate tied them together so tightly, she wondered.
A District Two exile and a District Twelve outcast, both wrapped around the same slender finger.
She continued, trying to keep her voice light.
“One evening, I snuck out to the meadow and picked her a bouquet of wildflowers. Agrimony, aster, daisies, just beautiful little things.” She said, recalling how the mosquitoes ate her alive while she picked the flowers under the setting sun, “I got to her place just past dark, I thanked her for practically keepin’ me alive all this time and I told her how sorry I was for not being able to repay her.”
“I gave her the bouquet, and promised I’d sing whatever song she liked,” she added with a short laugh, remembering how her heart jumped when their fingers brushed as she handed Iris the bouquet.
Sejanus seemed to brighten in her periphery, if only for a moment.
“She was lookin’ at me funny, so I assumed I was makin’ a fool of myself and I turned to leave but she grabbed my arm.”
“She told me ‘You don’t have to repay me, just seeing’ you smile is enough for me’ and then she kissed me.”
She remembered the kiss as clear as day. She remembered how the other girl leaned in slowly, allowing Lucy Gray time to pull away if she wanted. That was new to her, the ability to say no. She remembered how her chapped lips tasted faintly of honey, and that even though it was brief, it was the sweetest kiss she’d ever had.
“What happened to her?” asked Sejanus, his voice quiet and knowing.
“She was reaped. Two weeks after her thirteenth birthday.” She replied, her throat ached and it reminded her of the chest-heaving sobs she held in on that shady fourth of July.
“I’m so sorry,” Sejanus said, his hand finding its way to her own. She let out a shaky gasp as Sejanus slotted his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers slowly.
“So am I.” She gave Sejanus’ hand a squeeze in solidarity. Tears overtook her vision and she stared at the dirt as they slid down her face and onto the ground before her.
Smoke and grief lingered in the warm summer air as they stood side by side in silence. Lucy Gray waited for Sejanus to say something more, or maybe unlink their hands, but he stood firm next to her, his face awash with emotions akin to her own.
How silly was it that she felt more at home with Sejanus than her own lover?
She wondered absentmindedly how Coriolanus would feel about this whole interaction. His two closest confidants, sharing a moment that he himself was not privy to. He was probably looking for her now. He was probably beside himself with worry, but she couldn’t bring herself to detach from the boy next to her.
The door to the Hob opened with a loud bang, jolting the pair out of their shared haze. Before Lucy Gray could ask who was there, a small voice rang out.
“Lucy Gray? Are ya’ out here?”
She recognized the voice immediately as sweet Maude Ivory. She dropped the cigarette immediately and stamped it out with her boot.
Next to her, Sejanus was wiping his own tears, he gave her a final comforting touch – a quick brush to her right arm as she turned her back to him.
She wiped her tears with her sleeve, cleared her throat and tried her best to not let her voice crack as she spoke.
“Maude Ivory?”
The younger girl appeared around the corner, Lucy Gray was glad to see her; a reminder of what she lived for.
“I found you! What were you doing hidin’ back here?” asked Maude Ivory with a giggle, Lucy Gray prayed that the shadows hid her glassy eyes.
“I wasn’t hidin’ from nobody, I was just talking to Sejanus here.” Lucy Gray replied, letting her voice regain its cheery tone. She looked back to see Sejanus waving at her cousin, and her smile became genuine.
Maude Ivory hadn't seemed to notice the boy before, and she practically beamed at his presence. She waved back excitedly.
“Hi Sejanus! Did you like my song tonight?”
“I loved it, you sounded great out there.” Sejanus praised, his voice still rough from tears.
Maude Ivory replied with a curtsy and a giggle.
“You’ll be at the next show?” She questioned, her eyes shining with hope.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he promised.
“Alright hon, we best get going’.” Lucy Gray interjected, gently pushing a protesting Maude Ivory back to the side door, “I’m sure Coriolanus has searched all of Twelve by now tryin’ to find me.”
Before she left she turned back towards Sejanus, who was still grinning to himself.
“Come to the lake with us tomorrow.”
Sejanus looked at her incredulously, and Lucy Gray wondered if this was the first time he had been invited somewhere that wasn’t school or family related.
“Really? You mean that?” Sejanus asked, almost nervously. He was playing with his shirt sleeves again, and Lucy Gray suppressed the urge to quiet his hands with her own.
“Of course darlin’, Maude Ivory needs a foraging partner.” She teased, and Sejanus softened.
“Meet us in the meadow just before noon, we’ll all walk down together.”
Sejanus nodded, and Lucy Gray gave him a wink before she turned back to Maude Ivory and guided her through the side door, much to her cousin's protests.