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He was still able to remember the first night at the merry, just one day after finally leaving Cocoyashi village. Since that night, 2 stars were particularly bright in the sky. The breeze of the wind assured him a safe space where the smoke of his cigarette could disperse without problems, tranquility flooded his being. Hi mom, who is the star shining next to you? I'd like for the story I'll tell you to be Bell-mère.
The mumbled words had been hidden by the swell of the tide, the wind answered his questioning briefly and illegibly. Sanji was not capable of being able to listen to the wind or read the stars, he could only dazzle them with stories that used to happen to him, maybe his mother listened to him, maybe Nami's mother was there too, listening to the short stories told by the muffled voice of the receiver. A story turned into poetry badly told as he had never really learned poetry.
The stars don't watch in the daytime, so they need a storyteller to entertain them, a tale of bravery will be the protagonist of the night. The bravery of a heart that had not only conquered the heart of its target, but that of many more people.
From there he had been sure that the story he had told was not something with so much coherence, the peace in the waves and those silent listeners caused him to finally be embraced by Morpheus.
. . .
From that day on he was aware that his chats with the shining stars had become a habit after a day, or week that was really worth sharing. That day when he had sat on the deck of the new ship Sunny was something different, the stars were watching him, but he was not watching them. The events of the day would not be a story or a tale to entertain the stars, just a lament of an almost adult, because he was still young.
" I'm sorry Mom, I can't entertain you with stories today. " He apologized. Tears had begun to flow along with the small drops of water that were now falling gently, his arms programmed to give himself a hug.
The memories of the day had quickly worked their way into his mind lighting up as clear as those memories of the sorry past that followed him with each passing day.
- - -
The children on the ship were playing whatever their game was supposed to be, his blue orbs quickly fixed on the slender figure of his beloved redhead sunbathing, for now it had been a particularly sunny day, perfect for sunbathing and he obviously hadn't stopped to praise her beauty
After having made some drinks with the tangerines from the trees to offer to the ladies, Sanji couldn't set foot on his kitchen again because Franky was doing some strange repairs together with Ussop, the only thing that essentially provoked complaints was the irregular treatment they gave to his kitchen utensils, he swore to see Franky having thrown some knives carelessly across the table. To him those things were really sacred, obviously he complained constantly being some kind of impediment to the job from the moment he walked in.
" Hey be more careful with that, Usopp don't throw the other knives like that! Franky be careful on the countertops! No, leave those barrels there! " His insistence to keep them from moving so many things in their kitchen had annoyed those two, as they were really trying to fix something Sanji had complained about earlier. " Usopp stop throwing things around like that! "
He had been ' catching ' the things they were throwing and carefully dropping them elsewhere, finally colliding with Usopp and causing some things he was carrying to fall, it broke. " Come on Sanji! You've been meddling and preventing us from working, you're getting in our way! If you're going to complain Go complain and cry to your mother!"
His words immediately took place somewhere in the cook's heart, something he was sure Usopp and Franky noticed by the way they looked at him. Pity.
" Shit, Sanji I'm sorry..... " A hard slap was all the long-nosed one got before he could finish asking his question. " Leave my mother out of this asshole, If I'm in your way so much then I'm out of here! "
Immediately both of them could see how their cook retreated from the kitchen again leaving some utensils which they tossed on the counter. He was almost certain that no one had noticed the commotion that happened there as no one paid enough attention to him as he left.
" Nuisance. "
" Crybaby. "
" Mother is dead. "
Short words, but still they ached deep in his chest again at the same time as his steps to the bathroom, his hand trembled as he moved towards his cigarette box.
" Sanji, I want to eat! " Luffy.
"Mr. Cook, is it too much trouble to get some drinks for me and Miss Navigator?" Robin.
"Cook! Where's the sake?" Zoro.
These were things he heard from his companions before he could finally slam the bathroom door, he didn't know if they had cared, or if Ussop would show up again to apologize. The cigarette was never lit, but the familiarity of its stay in his mouth comforted him.
He was sure that the last time he had done that same action was quite some time ago, locking himself in the bathroom, lying on the floor and cowering as much as he could so that no one could see or hear him cry, keeping his trembling and wailing to himself. Ussop was not to blame, had he not had those memories just at that moment he probably would have responded rudely to him and started an argument that at any moment would come to a halt.
"Feeding mice? What are you, a servant? This dirty mouse should die and be your dinner. "
Definitely the memory of seeing that dead mouse, the only companion in that horrible home felt familiar as he watched the mistreatment of his utencils, especially ones Zeff had given him. A gasp escaped his mouth as he heard soft knocks on the door, he was almost certain it was his beloved Nami.
"Sanji-kun are you all right? Usopp wants to talk to you. " That soft voice, he heard a same concern that reminded him so much of when the maids found him crying.
He wanted to speak, but his voice was cracking, perhaps they had already realized his condition due to the pitiful sounds coming from him. Sanji, please forgive me! I didn't know that my words could affect you so much, I was stupid! " A small sob from Usopp, he seemed to be sorry enough to make him feel bad for blaming him or comparing him to those monsters.
"This... Okay Usopp, leave it there, I'll be right out.... To attend to them, be sure to finish with my cooking. " After a few minutes he was finally able to make his voice functional and loud enough to be heard, he wasn't annoyed. He heard Nami and Usopp's footsteps walk away as someone else approached and stood outside the room for a few minutes.
" Sanji, can we come in? " An unusually calm voice belonging to Luffy, he said nothing, just staggered dumbly to the door and opened it slowly, he was now calm enough to look his captain and his second in command in the eye. " I'm sorry, I'll give you something to eat and look for the drink. "
Zoro's calloused hand stopped him before he walked away, it was a strangely close and warm touch. "Are you okay, do you want to talk?" Another voice was heard at his side. " Or a hug! I should also talk to Usopp so that such incidents don't happen again. " His captain's concern was something to be expected, but the way Zoro treated him felt like a tasteless mockery, pity, the one he was always surrounded by.
He felt weak. He didn't show it, rambled to himself and left without a word.
- - -
Silently, his voice began to ramble on about his day, wondering if it was really okay the way he ruined the nice atmosphere even in the evening, he blamed himself again.
" You ruined the dinner with your sobbing, when will you stop being pitiful " When will be the day that those words from his sister stop hurting him?
He heard the slow and certainly elegant footsteps of a swordsman, he didn't know if he had heard him or had remembered that he always sneaked off to do this silly habit. He sat down next to him bumping shoulders, he was bringing a bottle of sake.
" Usopp told the reason for your anger to me and Luffy, we decided to leave it just between the 5 of us and not bring in anyone else from the crew. " Zoro's voice did not reassure him fleetingly, and more to know that sen was crying next to his rival in a pathetic and perfect way to mock. " I know you like to talk to the stars, today is especially starry Do you name them or something? "
He felt the swordsman's eyes fall on the back of his neck, he didn't know if he really wanted to start a conversation, but maybe he thought it would be better than just talking to them. " I like to think that the star that always shines the brightest is my mother, I tell her about my interesting days, it feels like she's really here. "
" I understand. " A sip of sake was heard before turning off the silence again. " Right now I see two that shine brightly, one must be your mother and the other may be..... Kuina Have I told you about her? " A slight surprise flooded his face, he was sure that was a somewhat sensitive point from Zoro's past, his companion for the night. He looked at him spectatorily.
" She is my deceased friend, the only one I had, I don't know your mother, but maybe they would have gotten along well among women. " His gaze softened slightly, Sanji could tell that, Zoro was watching the stars, especially those two that were shining in tandem that night. A small smile appeared on his face as he wiped away the leftover tears.
" Thank you, Zoro. "
—
Another day on the Sunny, a new member had appeared in the crew, a somewhat strange member and upon seeing him he was sure his mother would be amused to hear stories about him.
The galley was strangely cozy that night, dinner was being watched by the same swordsman who had accompanied him on his previous night of lamentation neither spoke of it again, they both knew it would be better if they kept it to their lonely hearts.
" Sanji! close your eyes we have a surprise. " Luffy's voice echoed behind him as he entered the room, he was hiding something behind his body along with Usopp, Chopper and Brook particularly excited, he turned off the oven and approached them. " You'll have to be quick if you want the food in time. "
He closed his eyes, something heavy was placed carefully on his shoulders, then something else strapped to his chest and immediately he felt something catch his head he felt a shiver and an impending tremor. He opened his eyes to the laughter of Luffy and the others.
The first thing he noticed was that his head was heavy, something was preventing him from having a good peripheral view and those four were laughing as if it was something really funny, as if he was a big joke. " You look like a real gentleman Sanji! " Chopper's voice, he wasn't sure what to do, his hands immediately went towards the helmet that was trapping him, his breathing became heavy and he was sure his eyes were stinging intensely.
" Can you guys take it off me? " Luffy laughed and quickly denied, saying something about how it wouldn't be similar anymore if he took it off and that it was the best thing about the costumem Sanji didn't listen to him, he had started to despair as it simply wouldn't come off, it reminded him so much of the metal mask, he felt like he had that metal mask. "Uh, Sanji, is something wrong? Hold still if you want us to take that helmet off so badly. "
He had heard Ussop approach him and try to pull the helmet off with a tug, which only caused him to gasp a little in pain.
The first tear came out of his eyes followed by many more that ended up falling on that helmet. His breathing was choppy and he felt his heart beating really hard, he didn't know at what moment he had found himself on the floor surrounded by all his companions asking things not very clear to him, mumbling that the helmet worked with a key and they didn't have that key, that they needed to call Franky and he would take care of dismantling the helmet to free it, it might take a while, that why he was crying, if something was hurting him.
"Alright super cook! I need you to be still so I can remove your helmet, otherwise it might hurt. " His body was shaking, he didn't understand why, but Franky now reminded him of those guards guarding him in the cell, their presence near him frightened him.
" No!" He pulled away.
" No? " Nami, Franky and Ussop spoke in tandem.
" Don't come near me, you scare me!" He quickly clarified, Franky wasn't scared of him, he was scared that he might do something to him, that he might try to harm him like that guard.
" Sanji, Franky is your partner you can't be afraid of him. " Luffy's voice felt stern, as if he was both worried and questioning him.
" Don't... Don't let him get close, he'll hurt me. " His breathing was heavy, he struggled to take air from his lungs, when he was able to stick his knees to his chest and move as far away as he could his hands were back on his head, desperately trying to dislodge the helmet even though he was hurting himself.
His hands were trapped to the wall, Robin's attempt to stop him. Chains.
Chopper and Zoro were around him, they wanted to know what was wrong and were trying to calm him down, Franky was approaching slowly, as if he was a hunter.
The others were at a particularly close distance, watching him, he had only noticed Chopper reacting to his shortness of breath, how his heartbeat was faster, to his impending fear. " He may be having a panic attack, Franky be careful. "
" He's shaking a lot, Chopper. "
He was short of breath, the doctor's constant touches on him, and as finally Franky was there, in front of him bringing his hands towards his head, he tried to convince himself that nothing will happen to him, that he is his friend and will help him. " Calm down curly, if it hurts you I will cut it off. "
A slight moan came out of his mouth when finally that mask was detached from his body, as well as the other parts of the armor. His hands were released, they trembled and went automatically to his hair. " It's okay cook, the helmet is gone, no one will hurt you anymore. "
The way Zoro's calm voice surrounded him, how Chopper was finally touching his chest and finally giving him instructions on how to breathe normally. " Keep your mind here, pay attention to Chopper or try to follow my breathing. " He wouldn't tell anyone that Zoro's breathing was what helped him calm down, how his hands clung to the touch Zoro insisted on having to keep him from continuing to pull his hair, he hoped no one had really noticed the words of encouragement the green stranded one whispered in his ear.
. . .
Dinner had been served, Sanji was now wearing his captain's warm hat and no one asked questions or mentioned anything, no one directed looks of pity or why he had reacted that way. Chopper insisted that he have something lighter like soup and he simply obliged, preparing an extra dish.
No one mentioned anything as he took a seat between Zoro and Chopper and not next to Nami as he always did, they all ate and chatted as they normally would, again the kitchen felt warm and he was relieved to know how they had thrown that blissful helmet into the sea.
"Sanji " Luffy's voice next to him had startled him a little, he whispered to him and flashed him a smile. Now Sanji and Luffy were washing the dishes while the others were still talking quietly like every night. "I should have asked you if you minded wearing that helmet, I'm sorry Sanji. I felt bad seeing you like that and not knowing what to do, I took it upon myself to ask Chopper about how I should react in the future if one of you had a panic attack again. "
And he really appreciated how his crew had filled him with warmth that night, how Nami and Robin had given him a loving comforting hug, how Franky had told him it didn't matter the moment he tried to apologize, the soothing sound of the melody Brook decided to play on his violin, the way Usopp had told them stories in which he had had to save Kaya countless times.
A warm smile appeared on his face, he watched his captain's sorry face and somewhat confused, he wasn't angry let alone expecting an apology or that interest about situations like that. " It's ok captain, I appreciate it. "
Or the moment when Zoro was again by her side watching the stars, the way she had pulled him closer in an embrace that felt more intimate, just them and the stars.
" Hi mom and hi Kuina, it looks like there will be more listeners tonight. " Sanji mentioned aloud, looking up at those bright stars surrounding his mother and Kuina.
—
That particular night, Zoro couldn't seem to sleep, he wasn't sure if it was because of the heat that had attacked them or if it was because his captain, the shooter, chopper, a skeleton and his cook had taken him as a pillow.
They had all decided that it would be much more optimal to sleep outside along with the small breeze instead of the unbearable heat that had been sheltered in the dormitories, outside it was still hot but it was much more bearable in the words of their captain.
Obviously his excuse for not being able to sleep was that he still felt hot due to the amount of bodies piled on top of him and not that Sanji's breath was right on his neck. Somewhere in the wee hours of the morning he could feel a shudder coming from the golden-haired one.
" Sanji? Are you having a nightmare?" he murmured bringing his face as close as he could to the cook, he noticed glassy eyes and how his brow furrowed under the moonlight, feeling an intense need to just coo and not let any bad dreams interrupt him again. " .. No, it's nothing Zoro, go back to sleep. "
"I was not sleeping, and I can see your tears.... You don't need to tell me, just let me know what was a nightmare. " I answer softly in a murmur, for some time now I had started to feel things about this man, mainly that need to protect him and accompany him wherever he went. " During my time in the Baratie, in the early years I was tormented by nightmares, and as I had trouble going back to sleep, Zeff, the old man, started taking me outside to talk under the stars, from there I picked up the habit. "
He could see how a louvered smile accompanied his Sanji's face, how her eyes had momentarily lost themselves in melancholy memories of the past and had finally returned to look at him. Almost automatically she pulled him closer and brought their foreheads together and their noses brushed. " Do you want us to talk to the stars? "
Sanji nodded and both were lost under the starry sky, neither spoke, but the silence said more than they could have said. After a while, he finally decided to be the first to speak. " Sanji, I don't know what haunts you in your nightmares or what is in your past, I really don't care, I just want you to know that I want you in my present and future along with all the others, and that if you have those nightmares again I will take care of you. "
He could hear a slight sob from the cook, he hadn't quite understood why as he had understood that his words had been, good. " Thank you Zoro, thank you for being there. "
At some point in the night, Sanji stirred and moved much closer to her body, leaning her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around him to cling to his side, it didn't take long for her to reciprocate by wrapping her arm around him to give him the warmth he needed for those moments.