Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

January 3rd

Right then, let’s cut right to the chase.

In the recent month or so, I have noticed a sudden influx of newcomers to Gotham. I don’t know if you are a tourist. I don’t know if you’re here for the cheap rent. I don’t know if you’re here because old man Wayne is hiring or if Joker is looking for some replacement goons. It really doesn’t matter to me.

I am here to say welcome to this fine city. 

I say “fine” and I do mean “fine” as in if your girlfriend is doing fine (when she is, in fact, not). Why on this earth would you ever make the conscious decision to move to this law-forsaken place, I cannot say. But you are here now.

And it is obvious that you do not know how to survive.

So, let me, @gotham_girl_born&raised, give you the rundown.

We’ll start with your everyday kit. Everything that I list is required.  

It is not optional. 

You may think it is optional, but it is not . Whenever you leave your place of residence, you take your kit with you. It does not matter if you are off to work or running errands, your kit is to be on your person at all times. 

(This includes your children, no matter their age. Most items are approved for all schools in Gotham so that is no excuse for not providing your child with the necessary equipment to survive through childhood in this city.)

The kit consists of the following:

1. A bag large enough to carry this kit. Backpacks are the most popular option, but a large enough purse can be passable. Also duffle bags, but know that you will look like a member of one of the local gangs and if you are a stranger to Red Hood, be expected to be stopped and searched for any drugs on you if you happen to walk by any schools. If he finds any, then good luck explaining yourself.

2. Gas mask. These are provided for free at the local hospitals through Wayne Industries. They are slightly modified to what you would find with your regular gas mask, allowing for compact storage while still providing protection for most toxins you will come across in the city. If you use it, then stop by the hospital for a change of the filters (also free). If you happen to misplace or break your mask then you must pay a five-dollar replacement fee which I know sounds stingy, but for a while, crooks were just taking all the masks and this was the best way to prevent a shortage. Every three years or so a new model is provided with updates to help protect you better. Get the update. It is free. You have no excuse.

3. Similar note: Joker, Scarecrow, and Ivy anti-toxins. These, unfortunately, are not free. However, they are quite cheap, thanks to Wayne Industries mass producing them on such a large scale, that each shot is no more than your average pregnancy test. The gas mask will hopefully prevent you from being sprayed, but it is better safe than sorry. These anti-toxins act closer to an EpiPen, and stall (most) effects long enough for you to get to your local hospital or clinic to receive professional treatment. It is NOT PERMANENT and it will not always work seeing as those toxins change formula’s every other day so it is more of a broad coverage that will hopefully help. This is why you KEEP YOUR GASMASK ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES.

4. A paper map. No, I am not kidding. Do you know how often your phone will be hijacked or the internet knocked off the grid? Hint: it’s probably going to happen every week. And let me tell you, your boss will not accept the, “I got lost” excuse when your taxi has been thrown into a wall for the fifth time this quarter. I am speaking from experience. Get a map and pay attention to street signs. If you’re lucky, you have memorized the streets of Gotham. If you’re like me, good luck. The map can also be useful for evacuation routes, and shortcuts when you need to go around a bank robbery in progress and you have a lunch meeting two blocks down.

5. A form of ID, preferably something harder to destroy, like dog tags. This is not just used to identify your body if something goes wrong. It is also a way for medical personnel to identify you quickly so they can contact your family and friends or look up your records for any health information they may need to know. If you’re really smart, print any medications or previous health conditions on extra tags so that if you are currently laughing through your teeth or just got pulled out of the bay and away from Croc, you just hand them the tags and they’ll be able to give you the best treatment possible.

6. Preferably a form of self-defense. Look, most of us don’t wake up with the goal of pepper-spraying the Joker in the eye, but it can save your life. Some have concealed carry. If you choose to follow that route, please be one of the few law-abiding citizens and carry the required paperwork in your bag with the gun. Some have tasers. I had the pleasure of seeing a citizen shock Two-Face with such a device and let me tell you: it was glorious. I personally use a combination of pepper spray and self-defense classes taught at the local community center by volunteers. My best friend carries a knife on her (her Dad was in the military so she knows how to use it). Be smart about your choice because whatever you bring, the bad guy can use it on you. So don’t be stupid.

7. A flashlight. I don’t think I need to tell you what happens when we have blackouts.

8. Simple first aid kit. You never know and hospitals are not always the easiest things to get to.

None of those items are optional. They are mandatory. But, if you happen to prefer the Boy Scout method of survival then here are a few “optional” items to include.

-Spare keys

-Spare phone

-Religious symbol or representative for anyone who likes that sort of thing for comfort during the lock-downs

-Shark Repellant (if you somehow got a hold of Batman’s lost cans)

-Rigged coin if you live in Two-Face turf

-An obscure joke book that Joker may not own

-A distraction device (marbles, a can, anything that can be thrown so you can try and run in the opposite direction)

-Night-vision goggles

-A life vest (especially nice to have if you live or work near the bay or river)

-Cash that can hopefully bribe thugs to leave you the rest of your kit because they can be a pain to replace

-A blanket

-Spare clothing

-Pocket Knife (for the tools)

-Playing cards for any in case of emergency games of UNO/Poker

-A radio/walkie-talkie (this might as well be on the Not Optional list but those can be expensive to replace so I’ll leave it to your preference)

-Non-perishable food (granola bars are a favorite of mine, but my brother keeps trail mix in his bag)

And that should be it for your kit. If any of you newcomers have any questions, feel free to ask them and I’ll answer them if I think they need to be answered.

Welcome to Gotham.

Chapter Text

January 17th

In a stunning turn of events, people actually read my last post. So much so that the thing went viral (mostly through non-Gothamites getting sent it and then demanding why anyone would ever live here).

But, ignoring all that traffic, I got some good questions from some of my actual intended audience – the newcomers to Gotham. There were some excellent concerns that I will get to at a later date, but let’s first tackle the most common question of the bunch:

“How do you tell all the vigilantes apart?”

There were also a very concerning number of demands of, “There are vigilantes here!?”

How you didn’t know about the vigilantes… I don’t know. Go see a doctor about memory problems or something because I’m pretty sure you hit your head.

@gotham_girl_born&raised reporting for duty and if you want to know about the Bats then you have come to the right place. It’s a fair enough question, I suppose.

Keep in mind, this blog is not meant for criminals and anything I say has to do with CIVILIAN CONFRONTATIONS, not criminal ones. So if you happen to be doing some illegal activities and these tricks don't work for you, don't come crying to me. I warned you.

Now let’s begin.

BATMAN:

[Black or gray suit with yellow, blue, or black highlights. Iconic Bat symbol in the center of his chest]

Starting with the big bat himself. If you see Batman as a civilian, you might want to consider yourself no longer a civilian. The Bat is a shadow. He doesn’t talk to you unless he has to. The closest most people ever see him is when he’s gliding over the city on a non-rainy night. That, or you are getting rescued by him from some heinous criminal or crime. But if Bats ever shows up at your house and you– as far as you are aware– are not involved in any kind of crime listen carefully:

Do what he says. If he tells you to leave town for a bit, leave town. If he asks you about your employer or a friend of yours, just tell him what you know. He once showed up at my workplace asking about an old co-worker's habits and the guy turned out to be a total psychopath. Batman doesn’t have patience. He’ll be straight, to the point, and leave when he’s done. And as long as you are that way, you will be fine.

(This is more of a personal note but Bats has a soft spot for kids. This will be important information in about two seconds.)

ROBIN:

[Looks like a traffic light with a black cape– usually hood up. “R” on one side of the chest]

Now listen to me carefully:

Robin is a kid. Okay. He’s a child. You may not remember that since the kid fights with a f****** sword but he is a CHILD. Probably the Bat’s kid, if I’m being honest.

He is the fourth (sometimes debated fifth) child to be Robin. We’ll get to where the others are but he has a giant chip on his shoulder and if you in any way say something to him that he may take as an insult be prepared to have that sword shoved under your chin.

Over the past few years, he’s matured and is a lot better with that temper but it is still a possibility.

The reason I’m reminding you that he’s a kid is if you see him on the side of the street bleeding his f****** brains out you better be calling paramedics and using that first aid kit on you to keep him from dying because if he dies on your watch BATMAN WILL COME FOR YOU.

This is not a threat, it is a WARNING.

You don’t want to know what happened the last time Bats lost his Robin but know that we DO NOT WANT A REPEAT. I don’t care if you aren’t involved in any criminal activity. I don’t care if you are. You keep that kid alive at all costs. Got it? Great.

NIGHTWING:

[Black suit with blue highlights or blue suit with yellow and black highlights– although he hasn’t worn that one in a while. Rocked red for a while but black and blue is his usual combo. Bluebird symbol on his chest]

Honestly, I’d have nice things to say in my daily life about Nightwing if he wasn’t stationed out of Bludhaven. (#GothamProud)

But for the sake of information, I’ll keep my opinions out of this.

He’s pretty chill with both civilians and criminals and, according to most eyewitnesses, not bad on the eyes.

But, he is still a vigilante so if you see him on the streets looking at something or see him flying overhead on one of the rare nights he’s in town, give him space to do his job. He’s too polite to turn anyone away so I’ll put down the boundaries for him. Don't talk, touch, or bother him if he is bruised, broken, bloodied, or busy.

He will chat with civilians on slow nights though. So no need to panic immediately if he approaches you. Still, do what he tells you because he’s going to warn you to get indoors or get outside or whatever he does to ensure you survive the night. But he may just ask if you need an escort home or comment on the weather.

Also, he’s probably the first Robin and as such is seen by the Bats as the 2nd in Command. So if the Bat hasn't been seen in over two weeks and Nightwing comes to see you, assume you will get the same treatment as Bats usually gives civilians.

RED HOOD:

[Red Helmet. Brown leather jacket. Has guns.]

Hero? Villain? Both?

That’s up to you, I ain’t getting into politics.

Hood’s territory is around Crime Alley. If you don’t live around there then the probability of you seeing him is low.

If you do live around there, treat the working girls well and if you see anyone dealing drugs to anyone underage then find one of the street kids and give them five bucks along with what you saw.

It’s in your best interest to do so, because you don’t want Hood coming after you for seeing and not telling.

And if you’re in his territory and in trouble, just yell for him. That’s usually enough for the criminals to back off or at least hesitate which gives you time to whip out your pepper spray or run. Or both.

RED ROBIN:

[Red suit, yellow circle bird symbol on belt or chest. Cowl without the bat ears and has a cape.]

Yes, there are two Robins.

Well, there are technically four (five?) but that was over a period of time.

This one was the third. He came after the second (who may or may not have been killed by the Joker, there was no confirmation from either party so it’s a whole speculation you can find by yourself). 

But there are two active Robins at once. Good news, this one usually operates out of town.

He’s kind of like a mix between Nightwing and Batman. He’s strict, to the point, and very professional, but isn’t as intimidating as the Bat. Which can also be terrifying, as I have been told by a friend of mine (he got mixed up in something he shouldn’t have, but he’s fine now). Apparently, someone smiling at you during an interrogation can be just as creepy as that blank stare.

Red also doesn’t interact with civilians unless they are in danger or he needs information.

Take that information how you will.

BATGIRL:

[Red hair. Blonde hair? No hair? Hard to say since there have been more than one but all have just… disappeared? We’ll get to it. Dresses like a female Batman - bat-symbol is yellow or black, not red, that is someone else]

Is she still active? Hard to say.

The original had bright red hair and hasn't been seen in years. No one is sure what happened to her because no one came forward to claim they killed her and her body never turned up. A few years after that a new Batgirl turned up, this one a blonde and very clearly Spoiler with a name change. Another few years and silent Batgirl turned up (Black Bat now) and now we are back to no Batgirl.

So, at the moment, don’t worry about it. I'll update you if it changes.

BLACK BAT:

[Full black bat suit, full mask with no mouth, small]

You know how you don’t see the Bat?

Yeah, this applies with this one but to an extreme level.

If you are not a villain, then the probability of you even seeing Black Bat is very, very low. The only reason we even know what she looks like is because of cops. She’s invisible, she is silent, and she is nothing but a shadow.

And she doesn’t speak so you shouldn’t worry about talking with her either.

SPOILER:

[Purple suit, blonde hair – and that’s really all you need to know]

Spoiler is probably the friendliest of the bunch (maybe more so than Nightwing).

She may have been Robin at one point (but that is a disputed rumor). She was definitely Batgirl for a bit, but now she’s got purple and she kicks butt.

Spoiler is that person who will do a flip if you yell at her to do one (as long as she’s not busy). She is a familiar sight to most civilians as she usually deals with crowd work during the big operations.

Similar rules apply to Robin for if you see her injured on the side of the road because if you do not stop and help then Black Bat will come for you.

And you don’t want to deal with Black Bat in a bad mood either.

BATWOMAN:

[Black bat-suit, sometimes gray, bat cowl, red hair, red bat symbol, also has guns]

Batwoman is Batman but with guns.

Same rules apply as the Bat, do what she says and no one will get hurt.

Sounds good?

THE SIGNAL:

[Bright yellow suit, black symbol on the chest, helmet/cowl, seen mostly in the day]

Signal is the one you will probably see the most around the city, simply because he works in the day.

Why did he sign up to join the Bats? Who knows!?

Signal is pretty friendly and likes to do the small jobs in the day on top of any crime fighting. There are multiple videos and pictures of him just helping someone with their groceries or keeping accident victims calm and stable until medical help arrives.

Some sources claim he’s the only meta part of the Bats, but again– that’s disputed. And I’m not turning into one of those conspiracy sites, no thank you. (Also, how do none of the other Bats not have powers? Explain that to me, please.)

BATWING:

[Metal Batsuit, usually black or dark blue, bat symbol on chest, can fly]

If anyone has ever read those comic books about that guy who flys around in a metal suit– yeah, that’s Batwing.

Batwing isn’t exactly a common sight around Gotham, but he is usually quite friendly, if stern. I know a lot of people suspect he has some form of military training due to how he presents himself, but again– I’m not one of those conspiracy blogs.

I’m just saying the guy is very kind to the homeless veterans you’ll run into on the streets.

BLUEBIRD:

[Blue hair, half mask thing, blue suit, hasn’t been seen in a while]

Okay, so this hero is probably retired or dead because no one has seen them in years.

I think they might have used guns as well? Usually operated around or near Crime Alley but I don’t really remember. They kind of came and then went just as quick as they arrived.

CATWOMAN(?) – [maybe? It’s kind of up in the air right now.]:

[Black bodysuit with a cowl that has cat ears, cat eye glasses, uses a whip]

I would be remiss to not include this but there is a rumor–

–a pretty major rumor–

That Batman married Catwoman.

Which, if you know anything about those two’s history, is actually pretty hilarious. 

So while I’m not going to be one of those conspiracy blogs, I will say that if you see Bats and Cat swinging around at night together–

–don’t call the cops on them.

There are the basics on all the Bats. If you have any specific questions feel free to leave them and if I think they deserve an answer, I may give you one. Or other Gothamites can answer them for you. 

Welcome to Gotham

Chapter Text

February 14th

Happy Valentine’s Day!

@gotham_girl_born&raised reporting from the break room of my second job approximately fifteen minutes before my shift starts so we’ll keep this short and sweet. Here’s the rundown.

Gotham on Valentine’s Day is weird. There’s no other way to say it.

On one hand, you’ve got Poison Ivy growing a giant man-eating plant in the center of Gotham Park as a gift for Harley. On the other hand, you’ve got Calendar Man.

Don’t laugh at that last one, he will mess you up, especially if you are on a date– it’s “on theme”.

I suppose now is as good a time as any to inform you about Gotham Dating Rules. These rules apply to all dates, but you really need to pay attention on the first date.

Rule 1: Don’t go in blind. If someone sets you up on a blind date, you refuse to go until you have a name and picture. This also includes dating apps and websites. Verify this person is real. Verify if they have any criminal history. Once you have that information, come to your conclusion of what you can handle.

(I once went on a date with a guy who ran with the local mob. I was aware of this when I went on the date. I was also aware that most of his criminal charges had been from altercations, attacking sexual predators because his little sister had been a victim of such a crime and he didn’t want anyone else to have to go through that. Dated him for a few months before we broke it off due to unrelated issues.)

Rule 2: Tell someone that you’re going on a date. Give them the name, location, and time you will be home. Text if you go longer. Keep a tracker of some kind on your phone. Do something so that if you’re not back there’s at least a chance that someone might find you.

Rule 3: Self-defense weapon, which you should have in your daily kit (I told you it wasn’t optional!)

Rule 4: If this is a first date, you don’t go home with them. I would say hold off for a few weeks at the least because this is Gotham. If they aren’t a good one, then they won’t wait around and move on to their next victim. But in this city, one night stands don’t usually end well so I would recommend NOT doing that.

Rule 5: Check your meet up area. Check where the exits are. And know where any shelters or nearby “safe spots” are. This is not just for you to run from your psycho of a date but if the city goes under attack from some other villain. It’s just good information to have, okay.

Rule 6: No gift exchanges on first dates. Not even flowers. You never know if Ivy’s been nearby. Also, check your drinks. Wherever you’re meeting up, establish a good reputation with minimal missing people in the area. Keep close to public areas at all times. Honestly, just be smart about what you’re doing, where you are going, etc.

My time is up so that’s all I’ve got for today. Be safe out there, enjoy your Valentine if you have one, and if you’re like me and single, just remember:

You don’t have to worry about Calendar Man attacking you.

Welcome to Gotham

Chapter Text

February 16th

Well then.

In a twisted turn of events apparently some of you newcomers don’t know WHY we have vigilantes? Which… I envy your tunnel vision. I really do.

So to all of you who have been staring at the sidewalk with your earbuds in, I’m @gotham_girl_born&raised and let’s talk about Gotham’s local Rogue Gallery. Or at least some of them because some of you seem to think I’m an expert on everything.

I’m not.

So I will be telling you about the rogue’s I have personally had encounters with, or at least been through enough of their schemes to know something about them. I’ll tell you how to identify them, what their deal usually is, and a few tips on how to get out of the situation with your life (not guaranteed, but hey. Something is better than nothing).

Why not every rogue? Because there’s A LOT OF THEM. I work a full-time job on top of a part-time one so does it look like I have enough time to talk about every single Rogue in Gotham? So I’ll cover the ones I know about and if someone else knows more about another, go ahead and leave it as a comment. Maybe I’ll make a post out of them if there’s enough of them.

(Disclaimer: this is not in order of deadliness because I happen to value my life and saying something like “So-in-so is not a threat” is an excellent way to get murdered and I am not saying or inferring any Rogue is more or less dangerous than another as they can all kill you in very horrible and differing ways.)

Now with that being said–

JOKER:

[White painted skin with clown make-up, purple suit with green highlights. The suits can change but if you see purple and green, it’s a good bet that it’s Joker. Very distinct laugh that you can and will know without seeing him.]

If any rogue reading this takes offense to this, I don’t care. Because you know I’m right.

Joker is the most dangerous person in Gotham City. And it has nothing to do with powers, manpower, or just pure fear factor. It has to do with his sheer unpredictability. One day he might go into a grocery story and decide to blow it up. Another day he may walk into the store and buy some gum and leave without incident. You have no way of knowing.

As such, my only suggestion to you is run. Just… leave. If you see Joker, give him space, get in a cab and drive away. Do not confront, do not look at, and do not try and tell him a joke because he may kill you if he hates it and he may kill you if he loves it. That’s just the kind of person Joker is.

Related subject:

[JOKER TOXIN]

This was covered in my first post but they do sell Anti-Joker toxin through Wayne Industries. They are cheap, small, and not permanent but will give you time to get to a hospital. Like an epi-pen.

Do not buy any of these anti-toxins if they are a) not by Wayne Industries or b) not being sold at a Wayne Industries building. This is not an endorsement for Wayne Industries, this is a warning because these are the ONLY anti-toxins that Joker has not been able to switch out with more Joker-toxin. Mr. Wayne is many things– cheap on security and quality control is NOT one of them.

THE PENGUIN:

[short, wears a suit and top-hat, carries an umbrella, sometimes is wearing purple in his suit and sometimes it’s just black and white]

When it comes down to it, Oswald Cobblepot is a businessman. He has several… “legitimate” businesses, one of them being The Iceberg Lounge which is kind of like a fancy nightclub for the rich and powerful. It’s also probably a front, but everyone is aware of that so it’s fine. I worked there for a year back in my college days, actually. Nice place, tips are pretty good, and I didn’t ask questions about things when I saw something I shouldn’t have.

As such, I lived. And that’s honestly my best advice when it comes to The Penguin. Don’t get in the way of his businesses and business ventures and you’ll be fine.

That being said, I understand people don’t really like rolling over for mobsters so let me just put it this way: you’re going to have to roll over for someone in Gotham. Penguin cares about money and little else so as long as you bring him money and don’t talk badly about him behind his back, you’ll be fine.

TWO-FACE:

[half his body is burnt/disfigured, white and black suit literally split down the middle, carries a pistol or two, and we cannot forget the iconic coin]

Harvey Dent was the DA of Gotham City, once upon a time. But much like a lot of people in Gotham, he had an “incident” and now we are left to deal with the result and/or consequences of said “incident”. This particular one has left us with a kind of mob boss who really likes leaving things to a fifty-fifty chance.

As such, you have a fifty-fifty chance when it comes to him. Pray luck is on your side.

FREEZE:

[giant mechanical suit equipped with a freeze gun, pale blue skin, red eyes]

I have had exactly one encounter with Mr. Victor Fries. The guy cares about one thing– his wife. Which, honestly, is quite an admirable quality that I would fully support if not for the fact that my feet were frozen to the ground of a bank for an entire day because he needed money and bank robberies are some of the easiest ways to get money.

Dude. Bruce Wayne is right there. Just talk to the guy and he’d probably get you a grant so you could just focus on healing your wife.

Anyway, keep out of his way and you won’t end up a popsicle. That’s the best I got.

SCARECROW:

[wears ragged clothing, has a sack for a head and a gas mask for a mouth, and carries either syringes or some kind of gas disperser]

If you see Johnathan Crane, RUN.

Listen, you do not want to spend five days on his fear toxin. I spent most of the time in the hospital, not to mention two more days of observation. There’s no reasoning with him or talking your way out– he just wants to see you scream. Maybe lock you up and see how you react to his newest strain. I was lucky because my heart didn’t decide to give out after five full days of pure terror. A lot of others weren’t so lucky.

So keep those masks and filters on you at all times and start running in the opposite direction of any giant, yellow/orange clouds of smoke because 90% of the time, it’s fear toxin.

[FEAR TOXIN]

Same rules apply as the Joker Toxin antidotes– if they ain’t being sold at a Wayne Industries building, don’t get them.

Also, fear toxin antidotes are a little more hit and miss because of how often Crane changes up the formula so if you’re compromised, use that antidote, lay down, and call 911 about getting a lift to the hospital. Be sure to tell them you’ve been hit– that usually makes them take it a bit more seriously because they don’t want you running through the streets trying to rip someone’s face off.

HARLEY QUINN:

[red, white, and black checkered outfit, blonde hair, carries a giant hammer]

I’m not here to debate if Doctor Harleen Quinzel is a rogue or an anti-hero. All I know is she’s a great tipper when she stops by a certain bar every week or so. The only time she’s been trouble for me was that one time Joker decided to drop in unannounced and she smashed up most of the furniture and walls, trying to get him to leave.

So don’t ask about her ex and she’ll probably be fine. I ain’t guaranteeing, but I like her.

POISON IVY:

[green skin, red hair, wears either some kind of gardening attire, literal plants, or this cute black jacket Harley got her for their one-year anniversary]

Same deal as Harley, only don’t kill plants in front of her unless you want to end up being choked by vines or hung upside down by your ankles. Harley will not help you in the slightest. In fact, she’ll laugh at you from the sidelines, snap a pic, and post it on social media so your friends see how much of an idiot you are.

Gotham City Park is her usual hang out place so if you’re concerned, just avoid that area.

COURT OF OWLS:

So fun fact. Gotham has a local nursery rhyme. It goes a little something like this.

Beware the Court of Owls
That watches all the time
Ruling Gotham from an iron perch
Of granite, stone, and lime
They watch you by your hearth
And they watch you in your bed
Speak not a whispered word of them
Or they’ll send the Talon for your head

Taking this nursery rhyme into account…

That’s going to be it for my list.

Welcome to Gotham.