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Her infatuation with Kotoko Yuzuriha started with the worst pain she'd ever felt in her life.
She didn't know why Kotoko was doing what she was doing, but it had to be for a reason. Attention had come in more pleasant forms to Mahiru before. Gentle touches to her skin, even a kiss to her lips, once. But these touches were not gentle, not warm and soft. These touches were adorned with force. They were cold, hard; Like the tender embrace of a torture device. Mahiru could hear her bones shatter, pieces ripped further from their source with every hit. She screamed in anguish. It was nothing like she'd ever experienced before.
For just a moment, Kotoko stopped to look down at her, heavy breathing filling the silence only occupied by Mahiru's miserable sobs. Kotoko stared at her with something pure and potent in her eyes, then.
“You're just as bad as the others,” she grunted, as she further dismantled the woman on the floor.
Mahiru may have cried further, screamed for help until it arrived to prevent further damage, but she couldn't shake the feeling that had started to bubble up inside her chest. A sensation of excitement, a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins.
And it was wonderful.
This was still touch, this was love. Love came in all shapes and sizes, did it not? Love would come in sharp edges just as it did smooth round corners. Kotoko had chosen her to be her very first in this prison. Her eyes were all hers. With the first hit, she'd formed a pact of love with Mahiru.
To think a wolf would choose a rabbit over other meals… To Mahiru Shiina, it was an honor to be broken by Kotoko Yuzuriha.
She had to talk to this woman again, even if she could barely walk on her own, even if nobody would help her in reaching her.
She caught her at last, late at night, when all her caretakers were already asleep, the only few lights still on in the kitchen and in the hallway. The hallway was where Kotoko stood, her sleeve captured in Mahiru's tight grasp.
It took her 2, 3, 4 seconds to turn around and stare at her. What masterful timing it was. And yet, Mahiru struggled to say something as she waited, patiently. How kind Kotoko Yuzuriha was, to wait for the bumbling fool she was.
Her lip quivered. Kotoko stared.
“I love you, Kotoko…”
Kotoko furrowed her brows in disgust — was it disgust? Confusion? Apathy? Love?
“Whatever kind of love you have for me, I don't want it,” she snarled.
“I-I don't mind that,” Mahiru continued, smile wavering. “As long as you let me keep my love with me, then… I'll be fine.”
Kotoko pulled her arm back, to no avail. Not yet, she wouldn't let go of her. “Do you even know what love means?”
Love was indescribable. Unique. It was the greatest thing on earth. That much was obvious to Mahiru. And she would answer accordingly.
“Of course.” She laughed. “Love is everything.”
“You're an idiot.” Kotoko laughed, too, coldly, but all the more beautifully. “You don't know anything about the world.”
“Then, do you…?”
She seemed to pause at that. Was Kotoko really thinking about something she'd said? What an honor it was.
“More than you.” She bared her fangs. “You don't forgive people this easily. And you don't declare your love for them either. Do you think I'm stupid, huh? What are you planning on doing to me?”
But this wasn't a lie. Mahiru was not a liar. Sure, she'd struggled with the world's expectations of a woman like her and she'd exaggerated things then and there, but she was no liar. No upstanding wife should be.
“But I do love you,” Mahiru whimpered.
“You don't love me.” She hissed. But Mahiru wasn't stupid. She knew Kotoko did not feel disgust on its own for her. She hated the mere concept of somebody falling for her.
“I love you.” She chuckled. “Even if you don't want to be loved, I love you.”
“Stop saying that!” Finally, Kotoko broke free of her grasp, leaving Mahiru's hands to feel oddly cold.
“Stay away from me.”
And she left, leaving nothing behind but the worthless body of a woman who was nothing without love.
But it was okay.
Mahiru would forgive anything, as she was so worthless.
And Kotoko had not hit her. Not once.