Chapter Text
Oscar doesn't remember when it started.
Maybe a couple of months ago, or maybe much earlier, back when he was watching Lando's streams, watching him and everything he does. Gradually, this guy, who seemed to him a little frivolous for a Formula 1 racer, stole his heart.
When he was suddenly lucky enough to be on the same team with Lando, things got worse. No, their relationship was great – they became good teammates, perhaps they could even call themselves friends, but.
Oscar falls in love.
He doesn't understand how this happened, and why his teammate stops being just a teammate. Every time he wants to touch him, be close to him, watch him, and know that Lando has feelings for him too. They started spending so much time together, shooting some McLaren content, and generally quite often just chatting between races.
And Oscar needs a lot more time, touches, glances, but all of them are not given to him.
Carlos joins them during the break as usual, hugging Lando from back, which at first scares him. But then he laughs loudly, happily looking at the spaniard. Lando kisses his cheek, and Oscar gets a strange feeling in his chest. He suddenly coughs, covering his mouth and the guys pay attention to him.
"Oscar? Is everything okay?" Lando even seems worried.
"Yeah, just choked," Carlos nods, and they are cooing about something with Lando again. Oscar looks at his palm, on which a pair of orange petals are lying.
Oh no. Fuck. Not this, please.
He apologizes and hurriedly goes to the bathroom, washing off the petals and drops of blood from his hands.
It was the first time he faced his disease, and the first time he realized the hopelessness of this situation. Lando will never love him back – he has Carlos, they have been together for so many years, they are happy, and he will never like Oscar in that way. He's sitting on the cold bathroom floor, trying to collect his thoughts. Oscar knew that such an outcome was possible, but he never thought that he was so in love with his teammate. He hoped it was just a little crush, because they spend so much time together and Oscar just basically doesn't have time to see anyone else to fall in love.
He doesn't even have anyone to share it with. Another week passes, and it becomes increasingly difficult for him to hide his feelings and cough when he sees Carlos near Lando. Oscar usually hurriedly hides somewhere so as not to see how Lando rejoices, meeting the eyes of Carlos, as they kiss, hug, and Carlos whispers something in his ear, which makes the younger's face to light up. They found each other, they love each other, and they don't have this stupid disease, and Oscar... He's jealous. He wants so much to be in Carlos's place, touching Lando's waist, exchanging glances with him in front of strangers, understanding each other without words.
It hurts even more when Lando talks to him about a relationship. He asks for advice on what to give Carlos for birthday and all sorts of little things, adding "what would you like more?".
I'd like to kiss you right now.
Although, of course, he doesn't say it out loud. Lando would have rejected him, and all he would have had to do was die right here, because that fucking bush in his chest would have bloomed even faster, not even letting the season end.
Because of this, Oscar is afraid to get in the car for the first time in his life. The attacks are getting worse, they happen more often, and he just doesn't want to think about what might happen during the race.
***
Lando forgot his phone in the room, and Oscar enters his room immediately after knocking to return the device, not expecting that he will see Carlos there. More precisely, Lando with his disheveled curls, his skin wet with sweat, who sits right on Carlos's hips, throwing his head back and closing his eyes with pleasure. Oscar is instantly embarrassed, leaving the phone on the table and quickly slamming the door. They didn't even seem to notice him.
Of course, he wouldn't have noticed anyone either if his teammate had been riding him and moaning.
Oscar coughs again in the hallway, his head is spinning, and he is grateful that his room is nearby. Each time there were more and more flowers, but now it seems to him that they would be enough for a whole bouquet for a first date. Look at the flowers I've grown for you in my lungs, Lando.
He shakes when he sits on the bathroom floor again. There's still the same picture in front of his eyes–Lando and Carlos, Carlos and Lando, and it seems like it's been on repeat in his head for an hour now, and it's only getting worse.
He doesn't know how much time he spent there, coughing up cheerful orange flowers that seem to be laughing at him and his condition.
Tomorrow is the race, he needs to get some sleep, but all he can do is curl up on the bed, hoping that he won't suffocate in his sleep.
***
The Austin Grand Prix. Oscar starts tenth, and although this is not the best position, he only cares about the opportunity to get to the finish line and not die in this damn car because of these cute orange chrysanthemums in his lungs.
Before the race, he sees Lando and Carlos again, who start second and fourth, and they are both happy, hoping for another Carlando podium. Oscar is sick again of the sight of their touches, smiles and Carlos's sweet words.
Lap 1. Oscar feels fine, but the picture he saw just half an hour ago flashes through his mind again.
Lap 4. His thoughts drive him crazy, his head is spinning, his hands are weak, and all he can think about is Carlos's hands on Lando's waist, his kisses, fingers around his wrist, happy looks and everything turns into an endless mess of LandoCarlosLandoCarlos and regrets that it's not him. He is not in the spaniard's place, he does not make Lando happy, they are just teammates who can be friends at most.
Lap 7. His hands are shaking, trying to hold the steering wheel, legs are not doing well, but they are still pedaling. His throat catches, the flowers ask to come out again.
Lap 9. Oscar coughs, almost losing control. Something is happening to the car, and he hears on the team radio that something is wrong. He feels sick, dizzy, and tries to restrain himself from coughing again.
Lap 10. Finally, he hears a command on the team radio to enter the pits. The race is over for him, there are some problems with the car. He is both glad that he did not finish the race somewhere in the wall, but also upset by the same fact - maybe it would have been easier that way.
His body is so weak that he barely reaches the pit lane, immediately coughing. This is the most severe attack he has ever had, and he realizes that he will not be able to avoid questions when he takes off his helmet and there will be a bunch of bloody orange chrysanthemums.
But then he realizes that he can't do anything. In the garage, he can't even get out of the car on his own, there is noise in his head, coughing does not stop, and suddenly medical staff appeared around.
Damn, is it that bad?
A few hours later, he wakes up in the hospital. It's already dark outside the window, he doesn't understand how long he slept, or what happened at all.
"Oscar?" Fuck. Lando runs up to him from somewhere in the dark corner of the ward, his eyes are sleepy, and he probably spent the whole evening here right after the race. "How are you feeling?"
Oscar doesn't know what to say. I feel so terrible, and I'm probably going to die just because I'm lucky enough to fall in love with you? This answer is unlikely to suit him.
"Better," his voice is hoarse, and he reaches for a glass of water on the bedside table. Lando anticipates his actions: helps him to sit up, puts a pillow under his back, gives him a glass. Oscar wants to send him right now, so that he no longer feels this stupid polite care that means nothing, because of which he will only suffer more.
"The doctors said it is... That's what's going on... Did you know?" Lando doesn't know how to start, how to approach this question correctly, so he can't arrange his thoughts into a normal sentence, but he hopes that Oscar will understand him. Oscar always understood him perfectly.
Oscar doesn't want to say anything more, he's tired, and he wants Lando to be here with him right now, and at the same time to distance himself from him as much as possible.
"How long ago?" The elder asks quietly, afraid to offend him with such a question.
"About three months," Oscar can no longer remember himself without those stupid orange flowers on his palms after every appearance of Lando.
"And you... Are you sure it's not mutual?" Lando is trying to support him, how nice. If only he knew that he was asking about himself.
"No. He already has someone who is clearly not a walking greenhouse," Oscar laughs sadly, and the cough bursts out again. Lando looks at him pitifully.
Carlos suddenly enters the room, which makes Oscar even more surprised. Although, it's not really surprising, these two lovebirds will not part even here.
"Oscar, are you okay?" Carlos seems to be worried too. Oscar feels ashamed, he even blushes a little, but coughs again, and squeezes small orange flowers in his hand.
"I'm fine. Thanks for coming," he smiles painfully, although he wants to howl right now. "Go home, it's late, you've been here too long because of me."
"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Lando hugs him goodbye as usual, Oscar can smell the scent of his cologne, and it seems to make it even worse.
He coughs again as soon as the door closes behind them. Hell, he can't even hold back, and it's going to be a problem soon.
It has already become. Although he is discharged, he is not allowed to race in Mexico. He's too weak, and he's unlikely to recover. It makes him want to cry, the only thing he loved so much besides Lando was racing, which was his life, and now he has nothing left. Although he still continues to travel with the team from one country to another. There are four races until the end of the season, and if he somehow solves this problem, then maybe he can return at least for Las Vegas Grand Prix.
Lando, with his overprotective attitude, is only making things worse. He often comes to Oscar's room, just to chat, check in, try to help him. Oscar wants to never see or hear from him again, and gets angry every time the elder tries to establish contact with him, but outbursts of anger are immediately interrupted by coughing.
"Oscar? Maybe you'll confess to him?" Lando is sitting with him on the bathroom floor, brushing Oscar's hair away from his face. Oscar is shaking from the attack, the elder's touches, anger and the doom of his position.
"To whom? Someone who already has a boyfriend with whom he is in a happy, long, established relationship and does not plan to look at his stupid teammate, who has a whole flower bed in his lungs because of this stupid love? Maybe I should give him a bouquet of them?" Oscar screams at Lando for the first time, which makes him even instinctively move away, looking at the younger with wide eyes.
And then he realizes. He's in a relationship. He's Oscar's teammate.
"Oscar, it is... me?" the younger one realizes that he has just blurted out everything that he has kept a secret for so long.
"Fuck, Lando, no, I didn't mean to, please... Relax. Forget what I said, okay?" Oscar doesn't want to look into his eyes for fear of seeing disgust there, but Lando just sits closer, hugging him.
"Why didn't you tell me before? We could... We could have thought of something. I could help you, Oscar," his voice is quiet, he is sincerely sorry, and the younger one wants to cry.
"How, Lando? You won't love me back, you won't leave Carlos, and I'm the only one to blame for my stupid feelings, okay? Therefore, only I can solve this problem." He can't solve this problem, and he knows it perfectly well, but he doesn't want the elder to feel guilty.
"What are you going to do?" Lando is still sitting next to him, not knowing what to do.
"Finish the season. I hope that I will be allowed to race in Las Vegas, maybe I will even get points for the team."
"That's not what I'm talking about," Lando frowns when Oscar coughs again.
"Just leave me alone, okay? Don't touch me, or speak to me, or anything until the end of the season, I want to end this year alive," Oscar grins, getting up from the floor. "And don't come to me anymore, please."
"Oscar, if I can help..." Lando feels guilty.
"No, you can't help. Now go away, please." Oscar is already opening the door. He's so angry, and he feels like a new batch of flowers is stuck somewhere in his throat, and he prays that Lando will come out faster and not see it again.
***
Lando doesn't talk to him anymore, as Oscar asked. He watches him from afar, and asks the doctors about his condition, hoping that it somehow helped the younger one.
Oscar is getting a little better. He returns to racing, and in Abu Dhabi he stands on the podium, exhausted, but happy. The cough bursts out again, and he is the very first to get away from the cameras so that no one sees the bloody orange chrysanthemums. Ironically, they go so well with his orange McLaren suit.
The attack turns out to be stronger, and Lando cannot stand by, watching Oscar already sink to the floor, suffocating from the flowers in his lungs. He runs up to him, sits down next to him, puts the younger's head on his lap, whispers something in his ear, but Oscar no longer understands the words, does not hear, and all he feels are stupid orange flowers in his lungs, throat, on his palms and it seems that this is the end.
"Oscar? Oscar, can you hear me?" he can't hear. The coughing suddenly calms down, and he opens his eyes to look at Lando one last time. There are tears in the elder's eyes, he is still trying to get some kind of answer, calling for help, but no one comes for so long that Oscar understands everything.
He smiles, inhales as deeply as possible, smells Lando's cologne mixed with sweat and champagne, and closes his eyes. The last thing he feels is the elder holding him close, kissing the top of his head. It was probably worth it.
Lando brings him orange chrysanthemums on this day every year.