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When he was born, he felt the whole world was spinning and disconnected from him. The surroundings seemed far away and blurry. He could barely hear anything clearly, followed by a wave of dizziness that hit his head like mad. But there was one thing he was sure he had to do: express this urge of anger and stress that was suppressed inside his body. He waved the object he held and slammed it down. Blood splashed all over him, and that’s when the annoying headache began to fade away. He looked down at the person lying in front of him and then at the bat that was covered by fresh red blood. There were no emotions attached to that movement other than frustration and annoyance. He groaned and mumbled, “This is so fucking annoying…I feel so fucking pissed off.” He tried to keep the balance of the body as he was still feeling unstable.
The pool of blood began to ooze in all directions on the concrete floor. A train passed through and emitted a light that illuminated the reflection shown on the blood. It showed a man who had dyed blonde tips with stray hair flung from the centre to the side. His heavy eyebags were indicators of multiple restless days. He had gentle greyish-blue eyes, although they were now slanted horizontally, making it look more intimidating. Seeing his face reflected in the redness, he smiled and breathed, “I will protect you.”
Getting stressed, relieving stress, the cycle continued ever since that day. Although every time he took the wheel for Mikoto he got hit by a wave of dizziness, all of that didn’t matter in his eyes. He only had his mind on one thing; protect Mikoto and relieve his stress. He’d do anything for Mikoto to be happy and well. Why would he do all this? The reason was simple; he was born for the sake of Mikoto.
Mikoto, who didn’t deserve all the nighters he had to pull through to get his overloaded work done. Who didn’t deserve to be forced to go to drink parties with his coworkers and then vomit like mad in the bathroom when he arrives home. Who didn’t deserve to force a smile and read the mood just to get along with others and be liked. What he deserved was unconditional love and care, in which he would provide. Only he could make Mikoto truly happy, only he could save Mikoto from this cruel world. He will destroy everything that gets in his way with his own hands.
“Don’t worry, I got you,” He smiled and tightened his grip on the metallic bat.
Slam, bang, clung. Swing the bat anywhere, make a ruckus, scream in the tiny apartment room, flung everything around and make it look like the entire place was robbed. He panted as he did the same as usual and looked at the great scene he had created. He reached for the pack of cigarettes in his pocket that was found in a drawer among other objects. He lit a cigarette and placed it in his mouth, inhaling the toxic fume that he so craved. It made his mind foggy and calmed him down, which was perfect for him after making a commotion. “Hah…” He exhaled and scanned the place with all the mess he made. He should clean it up, it’d be bad if all this mess ended up stressing Mikoto out. He begrudgingly bent down and began to clean up all the bits and pieces. It took forever to finish, but alas it was done. He exhaled the smoke from his cigarette once again, before rubbing it on a random hard surface and throwing it in the bin.
He then went to shower to clean the body from all the ick and sweat accumulated from the long day of work and stress. He enjoyed showering, not because of the comfort that the warm water brings to the body, but rather because he got to see the bathroom mirror. After cleaning the body, he walked up to the mirror and wiped off the fog, revealing the body’s reflection. He lightly placed his right hand on the face reflected off the cold glass and caressed it. The two sides of his mouth twisted and curled upwards. His eyes lifted at the corner, which would only happen on an occasion like this.
“Mikoto…” He whispered.
He was infatuated by this kind soul. He wished he could tell Mikoto how much he loved him, tell him that he was his saviour, the one who had been saving him from all the suffering and pain he had to go through. Maybe if he showed Mikoto a tiny bit of mark of his protection, Mikoto would accept him as his saviour and stay with him forever. A dangerous thought just went through his mind. He pressed his fingers on the mirror. His eyes fell to the usual dead look and his smile dropped. He must not get too carried away. He should focus on protecting Mikoto and not this kind of stuff. But the intense emotions that lay within his heart kept pounding and screaming. No one deserves Mikoto, only he does. Mikoto is his, and only his. How dare anyone think they can do anything to him just because he lets them run all over him? He pressed his fingers on the mirror harder.
How did this all go wrong? Once again, he looked at his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom, but this time his expression was drastically different from anything he had shown before. His head leaned forward slightly, his eyes were less sharp and were filled with uncertainty. His mouth was slightly opened and his arms slumped on his sides. It was the first time he felt this dejected, and he was confused as to what he was supposed to do.
“I just…wanted to protect you…” He murmured, finally letting out some words after having them stuck in his throat for so long, “So why…did you make that kind of face?”
He didn’t understand it. He was doing so much for Mikoto, getting rid of all the stress that kept accumulating. He was saving Mikoto from breaking apart, from wanting to rip his hair apart and cry every night to sleep. So why did he end up panicking and running home, even tripping on the way and hurting himself just to desperately run away from the scene? He even ended up dropping the bat. No, of course Mikoto would feel terrified when he saw all the damaged items and properties along with the cigarettes that he put away lying around everywhere. If only Mikoto didn’t wake up at that time, then everything would’ve been fine. He messed up, it was all his fucking fault. He fucked everything up and caused Mikoto so much pain. He was supposed to be his saviour and save him, but now it seemed like he was the existence that was stressing Mikoto out.
There’s no way that is the case, right?
He slammed his fist on the concrete walls. He didn’t feel any pain, rather, the pain he felt was a heartwrenching one that would churn his insides everywhere. One that would rip him apart at any time. He took a better look at the mirror and there it was, the reflection of the man he swore to protect and save. He wanted to reach out for the reflection but retracted his hand just before he touched the mirror. Suddenly everything was blurry. Blurry from something strange, and that something flowed down his cheeks in two curvy lines. He rubbed his eyes and his vision became clear again. He bit down his lip, a thought arose from his mind. He knew he shouldn’t do it, he knew he didn’t deserve it. But just for this moment, he wanted to be a tiny bit selfish even though he messed up. He just wanted to show his love, even if Mikoto could not see it. He gets closer to the mirror and stares at the face that is looking back at him.
“I’m sorry…”
He whispered and gently placed his lips on the reflection in the mirror.