Archive of Our Own

Etho didn't like balls. 

… 

Etho didn't like the purpose of balls. 

Dances. 

Masquerades…? 

Whatever. 

Void didn't like the gatherings his parents held annually. Void didn't care for the purpose nor the beings that would come from far to attend. And void, above it all, wasn't interested in the outcome.

It was the same song, the same dance. The same miserable outcome. Yet, year after year, Etho was in his best clothes, shoulders straight, three feet behind the hosts — void’s parents — as the guest flooded in wearing their best fabrics and most eye-catching jewelry. Dressed to impressed, for one night, for tonight. 

The glammed up, dazzling hall made him dizzy, but despite his indifference, Etho still appreciated the intricacies of white and gold in the walls and ceilings. Swirls and twirls and curves and cuts of pure gold, white marble in between, accents of green aquamarine that pulled everything together. The marbling of the hardwood, the way the hundred if not thousand joints between the panels couldn't be seen. 

In every inch and every turn, Etho could see the passage of time. He could see the influence of time, designs long forgotten and not as timeless as claimed. Void had walked the floors back and forth, counted the steps, memorized the distance, figured out where the panels started and where they ended. Void had studied the walls, the ceiling, everywhere his eyes could land, he'd spent one too many days alone, small in the emptiness of the hall. And he'd traced them, with his eyes, his hands. He'd worn them down with his touch in exchange for the rightful attention it'd never received. 

It wasn't so much about fair trades, but doing whatever it took to find and give purpose. 

Meaning.

Something along those lines, anyway. 

‘You've grown.’

‘Look at you! You are starting to look like your dad!’  

‘No way, no way. Void has more delicate features like his mother!’

‘My child is the same age as you. Would you like me to introduce you? ’ 

‘No, no. Meet mine first. You will both get along amazingly!’

Etho would nod, barely give acknowledgement before he was pulled along, across the hall floor to more busy crowds. One too many hands on his arms, calloused hands wrinkling the sleeve of his suit, too sharp nails somehow digging into his arm. 

Gleaming jewelry and forever moving fabrics would blur and blind, perfumes and colognes overwhelming void's other sense, and he'd be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Never still for more than a greeting, never significant enough to remember when it mattered. 

Like a piece of meat thrown into the lion's den, every second and minute and word ripped from him until he was no more than a rag doll. 

A puppet. Void had a purpose, his every move pulled by strings, guided by someone else. Made to dance in the eternal stage for the masked audience, never quite following the music right. 

But it was one night. 

One night a year. 

And every year for forever. 

“Why the long face?” 

Etho opened and closed his mouth, looked at the one by void's side hugging his arm, and failed to form a response. Usually, he'd be pulled away by those twice his age, rarely by someone younger, and even rarer by someone without a mask. They walked around like that, side by side, his suitor hanging on his arm, easily commanding and demanding attention. 

His suitor looked up when he looked down, green eyes that somehow didn't reflect the light from above, rather, they had their own shine. Their own light. 

Fae, maybe. 

“You are confident,” Etho settled with eventually, offering a neutral expression. The corners of his suitor's lips quirked up a little more, smile that made their face light up. 

“You ought to be, around here.” They said simply, putting their hand on top of their other hand, more or less trapping Etho's arm in theirs. They looked ahead, holding their head and chin up. “My name is Joel; Smallishbeans or Beans, depending on who you ask.”

Fae, definitely fae. 

“And are you Joel depending on which?” 

Joel chuckled, soft and natural. “Well, there is only one way to change my name, if that is what you are asking?”

“Are you here for anything else?” 

Joel chuckled again, hearty. 

Void saw a head of brown beside him, on the corner of his eye, caught glimpses of a green streak among the brown. Not too out of the ordinary, but uncommon to keep to dark colors with few accents. In a fight to stand out, in reaching the highest level of eye-catch and attention-grab, Etho learnt that going simpler tended to do better among a sea of extravagance.

There was glitter, void noticed between peeks. All too common glitter, but not as much as usual. A shade of yellow, shimmering green. 

“You are not much of a talker, are you?” Joel said, a slight tease in his tone. Etho heard, odd as it was, Joel smile as they spoke. “Then again, it's hard to be when you're being jerked around. Meeting everyone but no one at the same time. What a right waste of time.”

Etho agreed. 

“Would it be selfish if I asked to have you for the night?”

Etho hesitated. 

“It doesn't really matter if it's me or someone else, does it? So stay with me, for now. Let me stay with you, until the first dance. Let fate play its card, then show it your hand.”

And gamble your chances so everyone loses. 

“Confident and forward,” Etho forced out, out of manners and because void was drowning in a sea of words. It didn't feel like breathing, barely felt like floating. “You are an unusual one.”

Joel hummed, leaned their head against Etho's arm, “I am whatever I am needed to be.”

A too bony hand clung to Etho's arm, yanked him away hard enough to draw a gasp from Joel's lips, void's own pressed tight. 

Same old, same old. 

Close your mouth. Nod your head. Be led away. 

Meet everybody. Know nobody. 

“Oh dear, won't you come meet my oldest?” A woman said, too sweet a tone on her words. Her hand lingered on void's arm, clutching tight and almost digging. Her intentions were clear, as were everyone else's. 

“Oi!” Joel exclaimed, offended the way those grown would too. Joel didn't have a chaperone to speak and fight on their behalf, not that Etho could find at least. “How rude, to interrupt like that. It's true, then, what they say; money and prestige does not buy manners.”

The woman gasped; Etho smiled under his mask. 

The woman hmphed, turning her nose up and away. Her hand did not ease one bit, still tight on Etho's arm. 

“Let's move along, dear.”

Etho opened his mouth, a protest on the tip of his tongue. He'd forgotten the words, the feeling of it, and the last time void heard voidself protest, he had been but a child. It had been years, very long years since then. 

Void turned to Joel, his previous companion scowling, lips pursed and a glare caught in their eyes. Then it was something else, plump cheeks puffed the slightest bit, scowl softened to a frown, but their eyes remained angry still. 

Well, not so much anger but a pout. 

“Excuse me,” Etho said finally, snaking his arm free from grasp. Void undid the barrel cuff, fixed the cuff by pulling it lightly then re-did the barrel. “We were in the middle of a conversation. And if you excuse us—”

Etho extended his left hand to Joel, whose face lit up at the gesture, pout wiped as it went back to glee. Joel placed their hand on his, more fingertips than his palm, touch air-light between their gloves. Void took their hand, ignoring the woman's protests, guiding them to resume their walk to nowhere in particular. 

Joel was quick to resume position, letting go of his hand to cling to void’s arm, leaning more against his arm than before. Etho didn't find himself minding all too much. 

This was different from the usual, so Etho couldn't be blamed for wanting to see the end of it. Whereas out of general curiosity for his suitor, or a more selfish need for something else; neither option made no real difference. 

“Have I got your attention, then?” Joel teased, tapping their head against Etho's arm. 

“Plenty.”

“Is that surprising?” Joel said, puffing up in pride. “I am the strongest, smartest, and handsomest of my division after all. Tallest too. I am simply the best of the best. Best fit. Is it even a fair competition with me around?”

Etho scoffed, lacking the mockery. Not so much smitten , but not really too surprised either. 

“Is that so?” Etho asked carefully, teasing almost as he tilted his head on top of Joel's briefly. He heard Joel huff. 

“Very much so, thank you very much.”

Etho thought about the brief full look void had of Joel. Plump face with slightly rosy cheeks, big eyes that flickered between a deep brown and a vibrant green, pink lips that smiled easily, and short messy yet tidy brown curls with a green streak that ran down the center. And rounded ears; small, rounded ears that did not indicate fae attributes.

At first glance, Joel was an ordinary looking being. Someone who could effortlessly blend into the crowd, go unnoticed and sail under the radar. 

But their clothes. Their clothes weren’t the kind Etho’d seen often.

Not in their current scenario, that was. 

“You’ve come from far,” Etho said, tested the waters. Joel barely reacted by his side, only letting out a giggle in response. “I fail to see why bother with me — with us — Joel.”

Joel laughed again, “Oh, don’t be too modest. There is no corner of the universe that is unaware or ignorant of you — your people, your family . The things you do, the things you don’t . The power and prestige — the sheer boost just being invited here tonight brings.” Joel hummed, an honesty few said out loud. Etho knew, void knew a long time ago, it was all about ulterior motives, but he appreciated the honesty regardless. “Don’t treat me like a fool. I might surprise you tonight. Change your life, even.”

Etho hummed, a short curious note. He asked no more, appreciating the moment as a whole. Void didn’t know how long it’d been, how long they’ve walked side by side like that, how much they’ve worn the soles of their shoes. But void found it hard to mind.

It was, in its essence, his current companion and the break from monotony that kept void going. For the first time, in a long while, Etho had the urge to see the end of the night, properly see the end of it. 

“I don’t know much about you, Joel,” Etho started the conversation again, paying too much attention to the way Joel’s head and shoulder pressed against his arm. It didn’t mean much, not yet, but it was nice either way. 

Something he could get used to, but won’t. For his own good; for Joel’s. 

“And doesn’t that make it more fun?” 

“Hardly.” Etho muttered, then cleared his throat, raising his chin. He stood straighter, taller , the weight of everything making each step heavier. “I find it rather unfair, in fact. You seem to know about me, yet I know nothing about you, which is rather peculiar for the occasion. Won’t you even up the playing field, Joel?”

“I could, yes,” Joel giggled, and Etho felt a bounce in their step, “but what’s in it for me? If we are talking about fairness, won’t that mean you have to offer something in return?”

“What is there to know about me that you don’t already know?” 

Joel giggled again, “For starters, you could give me your name. Second, you could show me your face.” Joel said happily, teasingly even, then dropped their voice to a lower whisper. “And third would probably have to wait for our wedding night.”

“If we have a wedding night.”

Joel sighed, not happy with the response. But they didn't push, offering a compromise instead. 

“How about you ask me three questions, and I ask you three questions? That sounds fair.”

Etho thought about it, found it hard to argue against, then sighed in defeat. 

“I will ask first,” Joel proclaimed, and Etho couldn't help the smile forming on his lips nor the eye roll that started to feel familiar. “Are you going to wear a suit or dress to our wedding?” 

“If —”

“Just answer the question.” Joel interjected, all too giddy.

“It's tradition for my family to wear the suit.” Etho huffed, then thought carefully about void's question. Three was hardly anything, at least compared to the walking enigma clinging to his arm. He settled with something simple, “Do you really have two family names?” 

Joel let out a little squeak, something caught between hum and offense. “I do, yes. Lines and hierarchies and families and conflict and all that boring stuff. You have to know, politics really aren't my thing.”

Joel rested their head against void’s arm again once again, the weight and pressure feeling familiar now, hummed another note, and Etho couldn’t find himself caring about much. 

“My next question, and you have to be completely honest with me, and I will know if you lie to me.”

Etho chuckled, Joel relaxing back into a smile Etho couldn't see. 

“Am I the handsomest guest here tonight?”

“High ego.”

“Answer.”

Etho considered the question, then considered his guest. Then… 

Joel wasn’t the kind Etho was used to. But that hardly mattered. 

“You are, yes.”

But unlike everyone else, unlike previous, Etho had actually spent time with them. Void got to know Joel, even if superficially, even if he learnt less about him that he knew of the faceless everyone else. And there was a bias, then, for Joel. Because despite not seeing anyone else, Joel had his full attention, and wasn't that really what Joel was asking about? 

“Why are you really here?” 

There was no immediate answer, but no dismissal either. Etho paid attention to the things said, the things not said. 

“Well, for you, of course.” Joel started, composed and without hesitation. “For your family, too, I won't lie. I was sent with a mission to get you, and by proxy, your family. And truly, I'm no different to anyone else here.”

“Anything specific?” 

“That's three questions.”

Etho frowned, which Joel seemed to notice as they looked up at him, playful smirk on their lips.

“It can be, if you want it to be.” Etho rolled his eyes when Joel grinned. “Well, then, my last question. If given the chance, will you pick me?” 

Etho opened and closed his mouth, honesty and self-preservation fighting to be first. Joel looked up at void, with expecting eyes that Etho couldn't look away from. Void steadied his breathing, then gave his answer. 

“I don't even want to be here tonight, Joel. But under different circumstances, I would have picked you.”

The corners of Joel's lips twisted, and they looked away before Etho could decipher if it was a smirk or a frown. 

He didn't push to find out. 

“My final question, then.” They hummed solemnly; Etho tried to not think about it too much. “Did you want to be here tonight?”

“No, not really.” Joel replied with simplicity, giving Etho the same gentle consideration that shattered something he gave them. “But I am here right now, and there is nothing else I can do.”

They said nothing else, letting their thoughts and footsteps fill in the silence, even if much was left unasked and unspoken. 

Etho placed his hand on top of Joel's, giving it a squeeze. Joel replied with a hum. Even like this, chained to the silence, Etho preferred over the ordinary. 

But even if their walk had no purpose, no end, they were still confined to these cagey walls, sooner or later, they’d be walking in front of his parents. 

Long seated in their gold and diamond thrones, atop a small hills of steps, they watched over the party with curious eyes, whispering gossip between each other, and muttering orders to the servants planted by their sides. 

Etho hadn’t missed the way his mother tilted her head when Joel had stolen him away, and void hadn’t missed the way his father’s shoulders straightened when Joel led him around the hall. It was rather inevitable to notice their reactions, the way their attentions piqued at the display of near arrogance. To break tradition like this. To have no care for rules, such display of disregard of the expected.

That aside, Etho couldn’t quite ignore the way they followed Joel like hawks watching mice. 

It didn’t help then, that they stopped in their direct sight; not close enough to be an issue, but close enough that it was.

“It’s getting late,” Joel whispered, lifting their head from Etho’s arm and turning slightly to look up at void. Etho didn’t take long to return the favor, looking down at brown, expectant eyes. “If this night goes on any longer, I might miss my bedtime. And let me tell you, that’s no good for anyone.”

Joel joked, light and easy, and it was something Etho could get used to. Something he could get used to hearing, for tonight, for forever.

“We’ve walked the length of this hall,” Joel continued, unfazed by Etho’s lack of response and simply satisfied with void’s attention, “oh, I don’t think I’ve ever walked this much in my life. What a bore, and what a shame. To have a ball in such a beautiful place, and have nothing happen.”

Apologetically, Etho placed a hand on top of Joel’s, like any extra form of attention would be enough to counter the supposed boredom. And it did, even if a little, judging by the satisfied hum from Joel’s lips. 

“I wish you hadn’t come here tonight,” Etho admitted eventually, calmly and without hurry. Joel tilted their head slightly, some curls falling to the side, staring up with big eyes Etho couldn’t quite shake off. Brown and greens hues watched void, holding him on the spot. “It would have been nice to meet you—” Joel smiled “—under different circumstances.”

“I don’t see what’s so bad about now.” Joel replied, simply and unhurriedly, not fooled by the charades and antics. Etho noticed, and there must’ve been something in his expression that let Joel know void noticed, and judging by the way their smile tightened, it only served to raise the hairs on Etho’s arm. “It’s a beautiful night, and we are in a beautiful place. And don’t I look like a piece of paradise by your side? Like we fit, like we are bound? ”

Etho chose to not answer, only stared into Joel’s eyes longer, looking for something he could only get out by other means.

Joel stared back, defiant and sturdy. Joel wasn’t new at this, Etho noted. Whatever training Joel had gone through, it had toughened them enough to withstand the pressure of–

“How odd, wouldn’t you say?” Joel continued then, moving on from the conversation. Etho hummed, answering the unspoken implication as void got an answer for himself. “It’s been a long night. Won’t it ever end?”

On cue, the once warm lights that flooded the hall turned cold, cooling until they were all in moderate darkness. Clothes and accessories started to light up, brightening the hall from below instead of above like before. 

There was no glitter on Joel’s face, no makeup that would light up their face as others’ had. And their clothes weren’t so bright, not alluring and eye-catching, however, Etho was close enough that no one but Joel had void’s attention. 

Etho’s hand went from Joel’s hand to their face, gloved thumb brushing over Joel’s cheek. Joel closed their eyes, leaned into his hand, and oh how badly Etho wished Joel had picked another night. 

“I am not leaving here tonight, unless I am chosen,” Joel whispered when Etho’s thumb inevitably traced their bottom lip. Etho tugged it lightly, then went back to their cheek. 

Etho breathed out as he pulled his hand away, fingertips brushing and wanting to linger on skin. Void felt Joel go limp against his arm before slowly opening his eyes, eyelashes framing those eyes that glinted between unsure, captivating hues.

The crowd moved during their quiet moment, hugging the outer walls, leaving the center empty. The ceiling lost its colors, shadowing like the midnight sky, the gold twinkling like stars. 

A waiting servant left their spot, walked up to Etho and lightly tapped void’s shoulder. “The first dance is to commence, at your discretion.”

Etho stared into Joel’s eyes a little longer, letting his own heart time the seconds instead of the ticking he heard in his head. 

“I must go now,” void stated.

Joel slowly pried himself free from his arm, making void instantly miss the weight and pull of someone else hanging on. He’d never liked being randomly grabbed and jerked around, but Joel, Joel seemed to be an exception. One void didn’t want to consider.

“I meant what I said.” Joel said, right hand on their chest as they bowed. I’m not leaving if I don’t win, Etho found voidself finishing in his mind. 

“I meant what I said too, Joel.” Etho repeated their words, mirroring the action but with his left hand. “I wish you hadn't come here tonight.”

Etho bowed, then turned his eyes away from Joel, knowing it’d be too easy to get distracted on them again. Held in place by them. Like, if given the chance, Etho would leave it all to walk the length of time with Joel.

But he couldn’t do that. 

Not tonight. 

Etho followed the servant to the steps below void’s parents, watched the servant bend over bowing, then walked away without as much as eye contact. Then void took a step forward, throwing his left hand up to his chest again, bowing slightly to them. They sat in their thrones, looking down at them with smiles that would be easily mistaken for warmth and adoration. 

“When you are ready, son of ours,” void’s mother said giddily, like the excitement was hard to keep down. Etho looked at his father, receiving an approving nod before he walked away from them, turning to face the expectant hall. All eyes on void, patiently waiting his actions. 

Footstep after footstep, Etho made his way to the center of the hall. All around him he saw lines and patches of luminescent light, faces and hairstyles lit up with glitter. He made four bows, each pointing to one cardinal point, spaced out evenly like practiced. 

A red mist filled the hall slowly. Masking everyone and everything into a single color, all the effort wasted once the mist concentrated. Etho breathed in, long and deep, holding it a moment before releasing it slowly. 

No point delaying the inevitable. 

The mist danced and swirled around him, like it had a mind of its own, looking through the crowd, around and around, inspecting every guest’s face. Most knew to stay still, some still flinched. Etho stared at the fake-out sky, straightening his shoulders until…

The mist dissipated back into the floor, painting beautiful designs that turned dark brown under everyone’s feet. The room lit up slightly, not enough to make the luminescent clothes vanish, but enough that he could see more than outlines and shadows.

Etho looked around, stopped when void’s eyes landed on someone encased under a red light. And when he found them, they were already looking back, face pulled into a satisfied, knowing smile. 

Etho walked to them, sure steps without hesitation even if he hated every inch closer. When he got close enough, void reached out a gloved hand, the once white glove turned red under such light. 

“You have your wish,” Etho whispered, loud enough to be heard. 

“As it seems.”

Joel took Etho’s hand, let void guide them back to the center of the hall under everyone’s eyes. Etho could ignore them, Joel didn’t seem to care. And before they knew it, they were at the center, Joel let go of Etho’s hand and soon they were standing in front of each other. 

“May I have this dance?” Etho asked, customary rather than permission.

Joel giggled, “Do I have another option?”

Although Etho rolled his eyes, void still extended his hand, Joel more than eager to take it in theirs. The touch was light, nothing like when Joel clung to his arm, knowing how to play the part. Etho’s other hand landed around Joel’s side, pulling him in as Joel’s free hand landed on his upper arm. Joel offered a smile, eyes caught still in the red light. 

The music started a heartbeat after, loud that it filled every inch of the whole hall. Once lively with conversation and laughter and niceties, now quiet with the music for a single pair, for no one but a single dancing pair. 

Etho guided with ease, letting mostly muscle movement take over as he followed the song for another night. Joel seemed content with being pulled and pushed around, following step after step as the slow starting sway picked up with bigger steps. 

Their bodies moved as one, soon leaving the safety of the center to go around it, dancing and prancing around and around, spinning until Joel was giggling and Etho couldn’t help smiling under his mask. 

Void forgot about the eyes, about the purpose of the meeting, the reason Joel was chosen. Void decided to forget about it all, choosing to focus on Joel’s giggles, on the way their red eyes stared at him like he was the world and a prey in the same blink, holding his breath in anticipation for what Joel would decide. 

Then they were going further out, pushing the crowds closer to the walls like their presence was an inconvenience. Like everyone was getting in their way. 

Joel barely recovered from giggling only to burst into another fit of giggles when Etho decided that yes, dipping them was a great idea. Joel gripped Etho’s arm right, wrinkling the fabric as they threw themselves further back harder, throwing Etho off-balance momentarily but didn’t quite give in. Instead, void pulled them back to their feet, snaking their arm around their sides as they went off again. 

The music came to a natural descent to a stop, but the pair went off a couple minutes longer, following their heartbeats that seemed to be beating in perfect, leisurely synchronization with each other. 

They made their way to the center, both standing in the circle that marked the center of attention. Etho dipped Joel a final time, leaning in to follow, action that Joel was more than happy for. 

The hand on void’s arm traced up his shoulder, feather-light touches on his neck and easily settling on his cheek. By now they would have bowed gratitude, stepped aside to let the next step take place. But Etho was holding and looking at Joel, not even bothered by the awkward position void was standing in. And Joel seemed content with being held, being watched like that, their lips only curved into a prettier smile. 

“Hm, your mask, what a waste of a pretty face.” Joel hummed, relaxing further into Etho’s hold like they had nothing else to do.

“Wouldn’t want to scare the suitors, Joel.” Etho replied simply, all too aware of Joel’s touch on the edge of his mask. “Who knows, maybe all the power and riches in the world cannot be enough to make someone stay when they see my face.”

Joel stuck their tongue out, childish but Etho found himself endeared. 

“I’m handsome enough for the both of us,” Joel mumbled as their hand snaked behind void’s neck, pulling him down gently so they didn’t topple over. “If you marry me, that is.”

Joel’s words brushed against void’s mask, only an indication of how close they were to each other. Etho probably could cut the last distance, maneuver enough that they wouldn’t fall, or he could pull them up, bring Joel closer to void and not risk a fall. If closeness is what they wanted and needed, then there were options. 

“If I marry you ?” Etho huffed, still charmed by Joel’s arrogance but not shying from quipping back. Joel only hummed, raising their other hand up to void’s neck so Etho had both hands free to hold them up. “You forget, Joel,” void leaned further down while Joel stayed in place, watching the way Joel’s face dusted with light pink.

The tip of Etho’s nose brushed on the underside of Joel’s jaw, the fabric covering his lips touched Joel’s neck, making them shiver under void. Up close, right there, he called their meeting to an end, quiet words against tingling skin, “you are here for me. Not the other way around.”

Etho shouldn't have, but void did, lips against his mask pressed a light kiss on Joel's neck before pulling them up. There was a coldness that settled where their bodies once touched, hands gliding against each other until their fingertips were the only part of them touching, an anchor to a ship. 

“Don't forget yourself,” Joel mused calmly, hand on their chest, the other outstretched as they bowed lower, “you still know little of me.”

Etho bowed, then watched Joel look up, straighten like a different being; someone with an objective. The red mist was back, electing another but void couldn't pry his eyes from Joel, and Joel, Joel was in no hurry to leave his sight. 

Joel wore clothes Etho wasn't all too familiar with, patterns and cuts that blurred in void's mind. A dark green suit with white pants, threads of gold drawing that escaped Etho's sharp mind. 

If void could get closer, trace the lines on Joel's clothes and ask, with a voice barely louder than a whisper, maybe void would know. Maybe Joel would tell him. Or maybe he'd remember, unlock some memory long locked away, in the deepest part of his brain that he'd never bothered to bring to the surface. 

Or, just deliriously, all void really wanted was the closeness they had, bodies flushed together, and maybe it wasn't the lines of Joel's clothes what Etho wanted to trace. Perhaps he'd like to draw those intricate designs on skin, warm under his fingertips, both holding their breaths in anticipation. And by chance, if fate allowed it, Joel wouldn't be staying the night tonight. 

Etho watched the last traces of red leave Joel's eyes, pools of entrancing green and smooth brown coming back full force, twirling and pulling Etho along like a ship at mercy of sea. 

Or a siren's call. 

More like a lighthouse to a ship. 

And only when Joel walked away did Etho look away. Back to reality, back to the present void didn't want to think about anymore. 

Void danced the time away, wasting it more than living it, void’s every thought stuck to the way Joel's hand fit in his, the way their bodies fit in their messy dance, the way they moved as one to a rhythm only known to them. 

Everyone else paled in comparison. 

Etho just needed to kill time. Soon enough, it would all be over, and time would tick away in front of void’s very eyes. 

Six candidates chosen by the mist, six that Etho had no say in. But it was one candidate, one candidate of hundreds, and one of hundreds every year for the rest of forever. 

The candidates stepped forward, lined up in front of Etho like he had a choice, void's parents behind him. They bowed, dresses and suits fluid with their movements, bodies bending to the ground on their knees for Etho, for his parents. Their heads hung low, hair falling to cover their faces. 

Etho wanted to close his eyes when he started to struggle to breath, his mask suffocating and his clothes too tight, everything too hot and uncomfortable. The mist returned to surround them — Etho and his suitors —, void's parents looking down at them from their high chairs. 

The mist brushed past his hand, light against his gloved fingertips, and Etho swore he could feel the way the fabric dampened. 

It was a darker shade of red now, a crimson that dusted everyone. Like a nightmare come to life, like the iron on void's tongue wasn't imagined. 

Etho breathed the iron in the air, filling his lungs until they hurt before he looked down, at the six beings in front of void. Dressed to the nines for tonight, the night that would change their futures, put their lives on the line. 

Etho only watched. 

The crimson mist went around them clockwise, like a hunter circling its prey, inching closer and closer until they were all but breathing the same breath. One beating heart — only Etho's — calling for a half that his mind didn't want. 

One of six. 

Six of a hundred.

A hundred of millions. 

And why did it have to be Joel?

The crimson changed Joel’s greens to reds, their clothes soaking it all and changing before Etho’s eyes. Even the streak of green saturated in red. The gold threads oxidized into dark purples. Red dripped from Joel’s fingertips, magic flowed through their body. 

One heartbeat. 

One heartbeat.

Joel looked up, pools of green and brown gone, opening the gates to a sea of red that felt too close, too soon. 

Many would’ve said Joel had a too crazed look in their eyes — too sharp, too calculating — that their teeth were too sharp — that it’d sink far too deep, that it’d tear through flesh — their lips displayed smugness — their lips displayed satisfaction, their lips displayed victory. Joel’s figure, still kneeling, seemed to haunt, seemed to taunt. 

And Joel in their eyes would be a dangerous winner.

Yet Etho silenced the danger in void’s mind, shut out the words and warnings, let himself be washed into the rocky spikes on the shore, dragged deep under until his lungs gave out. Like a sailor at the mercy of the sea, like a poor soul lured by the siren’s call, Etho went as fate decided, the mist dragging and sticking like too thick liquid on his pants, his shoes. 

Joel was beautiful; Etho was a fool. 

“I don’t suppose you’d mind dancing again?” Etho asked, a little too breathless, a little too in the deep. Joel only smiled wider, only took his hand, only allowed themselves to be led to the center again. 

The resumed position without a word, without a greeting, respect earned and given without a fight. Joel stood much closer now, looked up at Etho with too beautiful, gleeful eyes and grin. And Etho held them there, close and closer, held their eyes, memorized their face once again.

Like Joel was anew. But Etho didn’t adored them any less. 

“You won,” Etho started when the music didn’t. The mist had pulled back, still present, still circling them, but Etho found it unimportant. Secondary. For Joel was the one with void’s attention, the only one who mattered. 

“Wasn’t much of a competition,” Joel hummed when the music did, Etho whisked them away. They smiled, blinked those piercing reds. One of Etho’s matched, the other left-out. “After excelling in my division, it was sealed. Didn’t I tell you this wasn’t a fair competition with me around?”

“Your arrogance will be the death of you,” Etho hummed, smirking under his mask as he spun them around, their feet never tangling as they went around faster and faster. And Joel kept up. 

Joel tilted his head slightly, amused but not too much. “Hardly.”

And then the mist was walling them in, encasing them like subjects to be observed. Etho held his breath, Joel watched attentively. 

“I wouldn’t look around if I were you,” Etho said, not as forcefully as void would have another time. Like leaving the door half-open, like leaving the lion’s gate unlocked. He didn’t know, not in its entirety, if he wanted this or not. If it was the mist, if it was fate. 

But Joel spoke, and Etho wanted to see the end of this. 

Soft and careful, in time with the single heartbeat between them, shared in the steps and the touches. Etho breathed in the words like air, like he needed everything Joel could give. 

“But you aren’t.”

Joel kept their eyes on Etho’s, locked and holding strong, but they wavered. Etho noticed the subtle glances, the slower blinks, and no dancing or action could make Joel not look. 

Etho wasn’t meant to be Joel’s center of attention. 

Joel saw iridescent lines and patches, dulling against red dust, painted faces slowly melting away. The lines dragged down, heavy on bodies and clothes, pulling at tender skin and too expensive fabrics. Previous smiles now wobbly, frowns and glares doubled. Even the bodies seemed to melt into one. A body with two heads, another with three, four, five. Some without. And they all stood, on either side of Etho’s arms, over void’s shoulders, all around them as they spun around the dance floor, their stage, their prison.

Etho didn’t hold his breath; Joel seemed to have forgotten how to. 

The guests continued to melt, dragging the music to a low hum, their groans in unison replacing the sounds of a band they’ve never seen. Like wax figurines, they melted the masks and costumes away, until they were no longer guests but mere spectators. 

A shiver ran down Joel’s spine when Etho pulled them closer, the feeling tickling against Etho’s fingertips even with the layers of fabric in between. Joel’s hand on Etho’s shoulder pressed a little harder, never wrinkling or creasing the sharpness of his shoulder. The words left Joel’s tongue, like Etho had taken them, breathed them in before. 

Joel looked up at mismatched eyes, one like their own, the other not at all. They stared at those eyes, glowing like their own, watchful and careful, picking up every movement and glinting at every action. Joel thought they could get lost in them, forget their audience if they focused, if they wanted to—

Joel didn’t want to. 

The guests, their audience, were long changed when Joel unfocused from Etho. Stripped of all their fancy costumes, now mere faceless and incorporeal puppets that stared with intent. Joel couldn’t tell if they had eyes, or if there had hollow eye sockets for eyes, for they glowed a shade of darkness Joel couldn’t tell apart from their skin. 

At least they weren’t melted together anyone.

The red dust was heavy and thick, worse now, worse as they went on. Dancing and dancing the song away, their bodies moving even if time didn’t seem to. Not so much frozen, but moving weirdly. 

Slow enough that Etho saw someone else in place of Joel. 

A suitress of bronze and copper hair. Eyes that glared in doubt, lips twisted in held back words. A soul, another lifetime. 

Then another suitor of brown and snow curls. Eyes that stared in adoration, lips parted with affirmations. A soul, another lifetime. 

Then another suitress of autumn hair. Eyes that softened in resignation, lips eager with digs. A soul, another lifetime. 

Then there was Joel, curls of brown with a streak of red. Joel, with eyes that bored of their surroundings, easily coming back Etho. 

Etho didn’t care to hide his frown.

One heartbeat. 

No soul, no what if.

So not a fae.

Not anymore.

“You surprise me,” Etho muttered as the wails deafened the music around them. Time passed by, running circles around them in time with the mist. Coloring and oxidizing red. Etho’s expression tightened, void’s hold on Joel too, even if there was no exit until the song was over. “You are like no one I have seen before, Joel.”

“I meant what I said,” Joel replied, more calmly, taunting . “I did my part in the division, and I cleaned the competition. I am here with a mission, and I am not leaving without fulfilling it.” Joel smiled, softer. “I am what I am needed to be, I fill the role I have to. I play the part. And I won, you said so yourself, so why must you question me further?”

Etho swallowed the words. Void missed the first dance, the lightness of their steps and the giggles from Joel’s too enticing lips. The hall was dark, hardly lit up by the mist, barely a party anymore. 

Etho had always hated the purpose of these gatherings. Hardly a gathering, entirely a trap. 

And Etho could only repeat the words, hoping the message would come across this time after all the thrill. 

“I wish you hadn’t been here tonight.”

And Joel replied in kind. 

“I had nowhere else to go tonight.”

The hall sunk into complete darkness as Etho slowed their dance, few steps that become smaller, yet never letting go of Joel. Joel didn’t intend otherwise either, holding onto Etho; never tightly, but Etho never made an effort to escape either. 

The lights returned in a blink, shimmering golds and colors and glitter attacking their eyes in an instant. Then a wave of thundering claps and cheers washed Joel to Etho’s chest, eyes closed and all too focused on their heartbeat to counter the overwhelming return. His breathing was labored, like he'd been holding his breath the whole time. Etho only wrapped an arm around him, keeping his own breathing steady to copy.

Like suddenly being dunk into ice water. Like their lungs were filled with smoke. 

At least the red was gone, and all Etho could do was run void's fingers through the brown curls, lightly brushing the back-to-green streak. 

It took Joel a handful more seconds to compose himself, then Etho gently guided them to their next spot, holding his hand gently and letting him lean against his arm. 

They stopped in front of Etho's parents. Etho half-heartedly bowed; meanwhile, Joel got down to the floor, holding their head down once again. 

“It's an honor,” Joel spoke with ease, filling the silence quickly even if unneeded, “to be here tonight. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Nonsense, my dear,” Etho's mother spoke with glee, clapping her hands together. She remained on her seat, eyes trained on Joel. “Everyone is welcome. Thank you , my dear, for making time to come here tonight. Spend the evening with us.”

Etho looked to the side and down, wishing Joel would stand up, face his parents like he had faced void all throughout the evening. Void breathed in, willing their heartbeat still. 

“You have been chosen to be our son's soulmate,” Etho's father spoke next, commanding attention yet not any less excited. “And as our son's soulmate, you are to be wedded. You will join our family, Joel Smallishbeans. Our most sincere welcome to our small family.”

“It's an honor.” Joel repeated, steady, practiced. 

Etho extended a hand to his former suitor, now soulmate, waiting no time before Joel realized, looking up with a grin before taking void's hand. Void helped him to his feet, unable to replicate the smile on Joel's face. 

“We are to be wedded,” Joel stated, gripping void's hand tight like Etho would run this time. 

“We are,” Etho said simply. 

The evening turned night ended soon after, the purpose of the ball having been fulfilled, the important parties satisfied with the outcome. All but one of their guests left, trailing beside Etho as the hall emptied, the liveliness dying down quickly. The lights weren't as bright anymore as the servants cleaned up the place, Etho and Joel walking side by side like an echo of their earlier interaction. 

However, compared to before, Joel lacked in the talking department. Instead, Joel only clung to void's arm, leaned his head on his upper arm and remained quiet on their walk. Etho thought to talk outside, see if that would make Joel talk or make him sleepy, either option was good. 

Joel sighed, closed his eyes momentarily before opening them again, eyelashes seemingly brushing against Etho's arm. 

They would eventually go to sleep, Joel somewhere in the house away from Etho's room, then they would wake and plan the wedding. It was a quick start, almost a rush for the event, and Etho had no doubt Joel would appreciate the quickness of it. 

Tonight, however, before the clock struck midnight, they had no thoughts of tomorrow. 

“Do I get to know your name now?” Joel asked quietly, no push in his question, more so to fill the silence as if Joel had read Etho's mind. 

Etho scoffed. “Maybe after the wedding.”

Joel hummed, seemingly content either way. “Will it be a big event?” 

“Likely.”

“How annoying,” Joel went on, a slight drowsiness in his tone, “to have to wait so long to spend a night together. I don't think I can be that patient.”

“Won't be long,” Etho more or less rolled his eyes, “only tonight.”

“Too long,” Joel muttered against his arm. 

“Will you be lonely?” 

Joel didn't reply instantly, taking a long break to think, consider words and thoughts for the first time. Etho almost proded, biting his tongue when a servant walked over, announcing they were done and would soon be closing the hall. Etho nodded, then began guiding Joel out. 

They walked quiet corridors, empty and only lit by dim lamps. Moonlight sipped through the sheer curtains. But they didn't need the light, Etho knew these corridors with void's eyes closed. 

In time, they reached the end of the corridor that split two ways. Joel seemed to guess that was their parting point, humming against Etho's arm, a quiet plead that Etho decided to ignore. 

Two servants stood on the right side, heads hung low, the left side empty. 

“Can't I spend the night? Call it young love. I couldn't get my hands off of you.” Joel tried on, words loud in the silence of the long corridors. Joel nuzzled into his arm, with sleepy words and too slow blinks. 

“I should,” Etho reached his free hand and tipped Joel's head up with a finger under his chin, their eyes meeting, mismatched eyes staring at golden browns, then he continued in a whisper, “I really should.”

“But you won't,” Joel finished, all too at peace with the decision too quickly. It made Etho want to part less.

Joel let go of his arm, standing on their own two feet, a mix of tiredness and stubbornness that had Etho reach to them. A hand gently cradling his cheek, thumb brushing warm, pink-dusted skin. Joel leaned into void's hand, pressing his lips gently on void's palm. 

“I will see you tomorrow,” void whispered when he pulled his hand away, a coldness rapidly settling where skin once touched skin. 

Joel smiled when they took a step back, “You will see me when you see me.”

Etho smiled back, nodded, rather thrilled with the mischief, “I shall, then.”

Both turned at the same time, then walked down their respective corridors, neither looking back as if there was no world behind to look to. 

Etho walked with void’s head held high, shoulders straight and with purpose. Void didn’t feel like he had one, merely walking to his room, ready to lay down and sleep the night away. Tomorrow would be eventful, and the next day, and the following. It would be, for a long while.

The corridor seemed to extend for longer, spiraling when Etho didn’t focus. Void blinked once, twice, breathed out when the corridor returned to normal. He cringed, however, when a metallic smell overwhelmed his nostrils. Even through void’s mask, the smelled sipped through, to his tongue, making void taste it so vividly. 

Void closed his eyes, willing voidself to ignore it. He felt a wetness brushing against his naked hand, coating fingertips in viscous substance again. If void opened his eyes, there’d be nothing, he hoped there’d be nothing. 

The other option wasn’t all too appealing. 

There was one heartbeat on his chest, no echoes of another under. Hopelessly, dumbly, he expected reassurance, a calmness to soothe his lack of, let down only by void’s own unfounded wishes. 

Etho opened his eyes, the corridor having twisted in his absence, flashes of the red mist like bloody waves flushing through, spinning and swirling, before void’s very eyes. 

Etho blinked.

Once. 

Twice.

Then everything was gone. 

He breathed out a sigh of relief, hardly felt it but it was an appropriate feeling for the occasion. Etho walked faster, willed void’s feet quicker, forced void’s body through the door, let void’s body weight close the door behind void. 

His heartbeat picked up a beat or two, then a wave of calmness and a bright smile in his mind soothed it all. Void closed his eyes, concentrated to send a pulse in return, then received another two. Like waves, gentle yet crushing against the hull tied at port. 

Tomorrow was another day. 

Another of the year. 

And another year of many more. 

>>>

Etho woke up gasping, a weight heavy in void's upper chest, arms pinned down on either side of his head. His first instinct was to push, try to free himself, his second instinct was to focus void's gaze on his attacker. 

The image blurred and shook until it steady, until he ran out of breath and realized void had to save up strength. 

The name came out of his lips in a whisper. 

“Joel…”

“Good morning, beloved,” Joel greeted, quiet and giddy, a whisper that let every word wash over void. His breathing was labored, an unhinged smile stuck on his lips, crazed eyes that pinned Etho down. And Etho noticed the blood, the crimson that soaked Joel's clothes, his hair, his skin, his lips. Etho's eyes followed Joel's arms, hidden behind back. “I thought you'd never wake. I waited a while. Sun's almost up.”

“Joel,” Etho tried again, the words catching in his Adam's apple. He felt it bob when he swallowed, watched Joel's eyes lock on it before flicking up. 

“Eefo,” Joel near purred, giddy and bubbly. 

Etho's eyes widened, only a second before void sighed, doing the thing he shouldn't, close his eyes . Joel seemed to dislike that, pressing his knees harder on void's arms, demanding attention Etho didn't fight to oblige, opening void's eyes to Joel's glee.

“You aren't supposed to know that, Joel.”

“But it's your name, Eefo.” Joel pouted, but finally settled back on Etho's chest instead of void's arms. Etho sighed in relief mentally. 

“You say it funny,” Etho settled with, trying to squirm voidself into a comfortable position. The sun was slowly creeping and seeping into the room, the cool tones leisurely replaced by warmer ones that lit up Joel's face. “You give it a soft f sound.”

Joel thought it over, tilting his head almost innocently, the blood aside. “Etho,” Joel said eventually, attentive for a reaction, then his smile widened when Etho nodded. 

Etho was endeared, sick but endeared. 

“I killed everyone,” Joel said like it was an achievement to be celebrated. Etho failed to give him a celebration, or any other reaction for that matter, which only prompted Joel to continue talking. “It took all night. Too long. I had hoped to be done before sunrise, get you as the sun rose, so at least we had that. But things came up. Unsurprisingly, people don't like dying, even if they already are.”

“They don't know they are.”

Joel hummed, “I guess not. It's funny, you know, how the mind pulls tricks like that. To preserve itself, it blocks the whole event.”

“Are you going to kill me too?” Etho asked, straight to the point but Joel seemed to have other plans, humming again before speaking. 

“Your parents, they didn't see it coming.” Joel retold, and Etho saw in his eyes, a perfect recollection. “They put up a fight, they really did. But, hm, I suppose they were weakened. It must be hard to hold up the facade, even if it was one night. Your father died first.”

Etho sighed, closed his eyes again, and this time, Joel let void. 

“He put up a good fight, gave his wife time to run and get help. I wonder what face she made when she realized everyone was dead, no one left but her husband and her son.” Joel's smile softened, Etho heard it in his voice. Void couldn't erase the image from his mind, and void still welcomed the reassuring pulse. “We heard her scream, your father and I — it made him fight harder. Your mother screamed again when your father died. I wonder, Eefo, I wonder if that's how it felt to lose your soulmate.”

Etho scoffed, “They weren't soulmates.”

“Just horrible people, then? I think they were soulmates plenty, made for each other, but not like us. Grief didn't let her put up a fight.”

A wave of peace washed over Etho, not from Joel, but his own reckoning. 

“She… She didn't try to protect you. Kinda gave up. I wonder if she thought you were dead already. If she thought she'd see her family if she just let it happen, let it go by, not put up a fight. I wonder.”

“There is no afterlife for them.”

“Is there one for you?” 

“The afterlife is for those with souls.”

Etho's breath hitched when void felt a careful hand press lightly on his collarbone, feather-light dragging down to void's chest, over void's heart where Joel's thigh was. Void swallowed the sigh, let his heart beat at whatever speed it wanted. 

“Then I'll make it quick.”

Etho opened his eyes, watched Joel bring his other arm forward, the cause of countless of deaths in his hand. It was a dagger, still glossy blood sheathing it instead of leather. Void sucked a breath in, Joel raising almost unnoticeably before settling back in void’s chest as void breathed out. 

“You are still my soulmate,” Etho said, void’s sudden words throwing Joel off slightly. Joel probably hoped for no resistance, which Etho offered none of, but still surprised by the delay. Joel wasn’t mad, barely amused. “If you kill me, then you will die too. That’s how this works, unfortunately.”

Joel’s smile faltered a little, almost sad, almost accepting. 

“I know.”

Etho breathed again, feeling Joel follow. Like an echo, a shadow, never really his own. Etho almost pitied him. 

“You’ve been up all night.”

“It will be a pretty sunrise,” Joel whispered, ignoring the conversation once again. Etho gave a small nod, accepting void’s fate as Joel looked void over, sadness in his eyes that was quickly masked away. 

Joel didn’t care about Etho. 

Joel felt sad for himself. 

Joel’s heart told Etho so.

“I hope it’s pretty,” Joel continued, leaning forward a little, and Etho watched the soft glow of the morning light through the curtain touch Joel’s face, “wherever you’re going.”

And Joel did what he shouldn’t have, what Etho didn’t stop nor warned, body leaning down further until the tips of their noses touched. Etho tilted slightly, moved so Joel didn’t have to, letting him come down until their lips touched lightly. 

Then Joel pushed like a man with his last meal, savoring what last remained of the world, the only careful, worthwhile thing left. 

Sweet and bitter, anger and acceptance. Joel kissed like there was nothing else to do, like a prayer, like a curse . And Etho let voidself be a willing sacrifice, a quiet apology for whatever Joel seemed to be loathing. Himself, the world, his task. 

Joel kissed with the intensity meant for someone else; Etho didn’t mind. 

There was fire licking and burning every inch of skin, smoke filling their lungs and minds, fogged them of thoughts only of each other. Joel wasn’t thinking of Etho but had no choice; Etho thought of Joel, the only one. 

Then it was softer, the ashes and embers, still hot on their skin, but almost soothing after the scorching fire. It whispered instead of raged, cradled instead shoved, it said unspoken apologies not really meant for Etho.

Etho wondered what rain after a fire felt like — wondered if Joel’s tears raining down on void’s face was even a fraction of the tranquility he’d feel. 

Joel’s breathing was slow and warm against Etho’s skin, but he didn’t raise, doing the opposite instead, body quickly going limp. Etho didn’t nudge him too much, didn’t prompt him to move, simply waited as Joel nestled himself against void’s neck. 

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, but it seemed Joel didn’t know everything after all. 

Joel hardly stirred when Etho moved him, carefully setting him down on the bed, prying the dagger from stiff fingers. He ignored the bloodless fingerprint marks, not ready to guess how hard Joel’s must’ve been holding onto the weapon. 

He’d drawn the curtains to let the morning light in, the sun’s light now paled compared to Joel’s warmth. The world outside looked normal, not that he would be able to tell from trees and clear skies. Void spent not much longer looking out the window, turning to see the bloodied footsteps Joel left in his entry. Saw the blood on the bed as Joel climbed in, and in front of a mirror, Etho saw the red marks Joel left on his clothes. 

Etho pulled lightly on his nightshirt, peeling it from void’s skin, before letting it go. There were more important things to look at, more important things to focus on than the state of his clothes, and that was Joel, who hadn’t woken up nor moved at all. 

With quiet steps, void made his way to him, sat on the edge of the bed, looking back at him. Their guest, his guest, now the only resident of the house aside from voidself. Joel slept peacefully, the lines of worry gone from smooth, delicate skin. His eyelashes caught the sunlight, making them glow golden like his curls. The green streak still stood out, like Joel himself the previous night. 

Blood dried on Joel’s last night clothes, the slaughter not having waited until he’d changed. How impatient had Joel’s been, then, to not have let the night lay to rest first. 

Void had tried to wipe the trails of tears, smudged a little blood that now painted his fingertips. He didn't mind, but it made no real difference. 

With the back of his finger, Etho brushed Joel’s cheek, lightly and carefully pushed muscle to watch it bounce back. No reaction was offered, and Etho found it hard to retrieve his hand. 

Loneliness or freedom, Etho wasn’t sure, but Joel was his savior and his curse. The start and end of something, what exactly void wasn’t sure, but void could still feel the echo of another heartbeat. Foolish, maybe, yet Etho send a pulse of his own, a wave to keep away the nightmares that tormented Joel during his waking hours. 

Joel woke then, calmly and undisturbed, and Etho didn’t feel all too bad about it. He retrieved his hand then, not before tucking a strand of hair back. No words were spoken between them; Joel blinking his eyes slowly to stare at the ceiling, Etho content in watching Joel. 

Time passed in its right — without waiting, without hurry. 

“You don’t want to die,” Joel said eventually, like he’d found the secrets of the universe in the harmony of silence. Etho hummed, not quite a definitive answer, but not not an answer either. “You don’t want to die,” Joel repeated, then added, “but I do.”

“It seems to.”

Joel closed his eyes, filled his lungs and let go, nearly melting into the mattress, into the dirty sheets. Etho thought Joel still looked beautiful, if that was the first time he thought it or not. 

“What then?” Joel asked, like Etho had a clue, like there was a plan somewhere in the back of their minds they could unlock simply by asking. 

“I don’t know.”

The heartbeat faltered, weakened. Etho felt defeat, not void’s own. 

“I could do it still,” Joel went on carefully, words and thoughts too rehearsed to be new, “I thought about it before. When the time came, if not you, then me. It’d be the same. No one wins. No one is supposed to win. I shouldn’t have wasted my time then. How pointless.”

Etho didn’t answer, added nothing to the conversation, in hopes Joel would answer the questions void had on the tip of his tongue. 

If Joel knew or not, he still answered. 

“It wasn't meant to be an actual bound,” Joel said slowly, thinking back to old conversations Etho wished to hear about, “just enough to be picked, enough to fool everyone. And I felt your panic. I didn't mean to comfort you. I wasn't supposed to feel your reply. I shouldn't have replied either. It was dumb of me.”

Joel blinked his eyes open, Etho watched the sunlight catch in his eyelashes, framed Joel's face in void's mind. Carefully, he counted each blink. Meticulously, he counted each heart beat. 

“I'm not really sorry, Eefo. Can't be. But I should've waited. I was impatient.”

Etho thought of crashing waves of blood, red staining the walls and covering every inch of the blood. Void wondered how high it'd gone, where the splashes reached. He'd be witness soon enough, if void got to walk out. 

In the pause, Joel turned to his side, slotting an arm between his head and the pillow, looking down at Etho with something void couldn't decipher. Void missed last night's Joel, wished that could've been the last he'd seen of him, wished Joel hadn't waited for void to wake. 

Last night, Joel looked happy. In the morning, Joel looked lost. 

“You… Do you want to kill me?” Etho asked eventually, voice shaking and betraying, much to Joel's apparent surprise. 

“I don't want to, Etho, I have to.”

Etho pressed his lips shut, then looked away finally. Void looked at his lap, darkened trails of blood that he didn't care about. 

“What if… What happens if you don't kill me?”

“Nothing. Your parents, they were the main target. You, on the other hand, seem like a mess. You are not like them, even if you wanted to.”

“So…”

“I have nothing else to do.”

Etho sighed, pushed voidself to his feet, Joel raising to sit up behind void. He didn't turn to look at Joel, took a couple steps, so small in such a big room. Like the hall, like life itself. 

“What if there was a way to—” void spun on his heels, looking back at Joel who was already staring, “—break the bond. Would… Would you like to try?”

Joel leaned back on one arm, tilting his head slightly, and what a sight Joel was. Etho felt jealous of other universes where he got to have Joel so freely, so uncomplicatedly.

“If there was a way,” Etho continued, fingers twitching to touch him, his very being wanting to be near him, lured to him so easily, “would you take it?”

“If there is a way,” Joel mirrored void's words, collected and direct, Etho had to swallow the knot in his throat, “what is it?”

Etho took a step to the bed, stretched his hand out in mockery of last night's dance, but Joel was all too willing again to take void's hand. With ease, without complication, Etho pulled Joel to his feet, and he couldn't stop voidself from going closer. Joel looked up.

“We go where this all started, to the very beginning of the gods’ wills. We pray to the gods, the first lovers , tell them they've made a mistake, hope they release us without consequences, hope they are not too mad we are rejecting their gift.”

“What happens after?” Joel whispers, so close Etho feels his words brushing void's lips. 

Joel's hand still felt nice in his. 

“I don't know.”

Joel blinked, leisurely but Etho knew, behind those green eyes that Joel was thinking about it. Joel was good at putting up an act, he'd been fooled once already, and he'd paid dearly. And void didn't wish for protection from the siren's call, he'd make the mistake a thousand times over so long as it was him. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” 

“I don't trust you, Etho. But I don't have anything to do. I will trust you.”

Etho smiled, making Joel smile too. 

“You are making a mistake, then, Joel.” Etho pulled him closer, Joel going voluntarily. Void liked him close, knew Joel did too, in the way his eyes sparkled, in the way their heartbeats were in perfect sync. 

Joel hummed, then rested his head against Etho's chest, like it was right. Like it was the only thing to do. 

“Don't mistake me, I'm not the one who wants to stay alive, Eefo.”