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Klee zoomed through Diona’s house like she was Kazuha escaping Tenshukaku. Even Diona’s older brother Diluc couldn’t catch a sight of her as she drifting quickly into the bathroom and shut the door.
Her eyes were wide as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her halloween costume; a delicate and beautiful thing made by her quasi-brother, Kaeya, after half a year of hard work and collaboration. She outshone all her friends with her white and red witch’s outfit, designed to remind Klee of her late mother, who’d been lost on the warfront five years beforehand.
Usually the thought of her mother or Kaeya would comfort her. Instead, she nearly started crying right there.
“Klee, are you okay? What happened?” Nahida’s sweet voice asked through the door.
“Nothing!” Klee exclaimed.
“Kleee you have to tell us,” Yaoyao insisted. “We’re scared! And Diluc’s going to call Kaeya if you don’t respond soon. He’s worried.”
Klee let a sigh escape her and she bit her lip to try and control her emotions, as chaotic as they were. Mostly, it was embarrassment. Such a personal matter… she didn’t want anyone else to hear about it. She thought she’d rather turn into a puddle.
“Just make sure Diluc is in another room,” Klee responded.
“Okay…” Diona sounded hesitant, but left to tell her older brother to piss off for a bit.
“Is it just you guys?” Klee asked through the door.
“Yup,” a chorus of tweenagers responded.
Klee opened the door slowly, and took a deep breath.
“I think I just got my period.” She emerged from the bathroom, her head hung and hands behind her back as she twisted right and left nervously.
All her friends paused for a second. They all were in various states of crazy. Yaoyao was dressed as a cute yellow bunny, standing next to Dori, who wore a scary grown-up movie reference with a suit and blood because her parents let her watch John Wick. Qiqi wrapped herself in toilet paper and called it a day. Diona just went as herself, because she was too cool for Halloween. Nahida decided to become a twig… but none had a faint red stain on their white shorts like Klee did.
“Hey, at least it’s on Halloween, so the date’s easy to remember!” Diona laughed.
Klee blinked. She thought revealing this would be the most devastating thing in the world…
“I was nervous when I was the first to get mine in our group,” Diona added. “Now we can bond over it!”
The rest all nodded with Diona’s words, comforting smiles on their faces.
“Oh, thank you guys!” Klee felt tears welling up in her eyes. “I was so embarrassed…”
“Smart move forcing Diluc out,” Dori grinned as she collapsed into a beanbag in the living room attached to the bathroom nearby. “That guy would’ve FREAKED!”
“Yeah, he’s kinda delusional sometimes, but at least he doesn’t like alcohol,” Diona scrunched up her nose. “Klee, by extent, you’re my sister, seeing as Diluc’s brother married yours. I think we should always help each other out. Don’t feel scared to tell me anything, ‘kay?”
“Likewise!” Nahida added.
“Mhm,” Qiqi finally participated.
“I can help you procure the products…” Dori smiled. “But for a price.”
Sayu unfurled herself from the blankets over on the couch and rubbed her eyes, waking up slowly. “Uh, whatever’s happening, I support you, Klee.”
“Awww you guys!” Klee exclaimed. “Hug!!”
The group all piled themselves around Klee (except for Qiqi, who kind of wandered mindlessly off to ask Diluc for a drink).
“Wait…” Dori realized something and pulled away. “You don’t have any women in your family.”
“Yeah, you just have your brother and Kaeya… they’re both totally gay and would never understand woman things besides fashion!” Diona announced.
“Oh no,” Sayu nodded.
“But it’s fine, I have Diona,” Klee argued. “She can teach me everything.”
“Girl, I’m 13, I know as much as the next girl,” Diona shrugged. “I skipped health class ‘cause it was boring as hell.”
“Eh, I’ll figure it out,” Klee shrugged. “I’m just glad I have you guys.”
—
Turns out telling your family you just started your period was way harder than it should have been.
Klee sat at the dinner table in complete silence. And this is Klee we’re talking about. Obviously, Kaeya and Albedo were extremely worried.
“Did something bad happen at school? 7th grade wasn’t fun for me either,” Kaeya offered.
“Was it a bad grade?” Albedo tried. “You know we don’t care if you don’t get perfect As.”
Klee shifted in her seat anxiously. Her older brother and legal caretaker, Albedo, and his husband, who’d supported her for years after her mother died, were looking at her, horribly worried. Klee knew they’d do what they could to help her, but outright telling them at the dinner table….
It was like when she had her friends go to Nahida’s every day after school for a week to convince her older brother Scaramouche that he should come out to his mom. When he actually was going to do it, even Klee had sensed how nervewracking it was as she peered around the corner. She’d never thought such a simple thing like sexuality or getting a period would be so difficult.
Just say it, she thought. It happens to everyone! It’s not weird! She took a breath and then forced it out before she could stop herself.
“I’m bleeding,” she ended up saying.
“Where?” Albedo immediately asked, troubled. Clearly it must have been a deep wound if Klee had been so nervous to admit it?
“Out my butt, Albedo!” Klee exclaimed.
“Oh,” Kaeya gasped. “Oh shit.”
Albedo was silent, his eyes wide, mortified.
“I totally skipped health class as a kid!” Kaeya realized.
Oh no.
“Kaeya, you’re 23, technically your brain isn’t fully developed, so you’re still a kid,” Albedo offered, though he was still kind of stunned. He didn’t know how to handle girl things, let alone people in general.
“Says the 22 year old,” Kaeya grumbled. “Anyway, Klee, that’s fine. Uh, we’ll get you those things.”
Klee blinked at him, confused.
“The uh, mini diapers, for keeping the… blood out. What are they called?” Kaeya pondered.
“No idea, Kae. I never took health because I was homeschooled, remember?” Albedo sighed tramatically.
God, her caretakers were hopeless. I should have asked Qiqi! She’s got Hu Tao and Ganyu as siblings. But Klee knew it was too late. Now her brother was going to devote himself to making this the most normal possible.
“Well, we can go to the mall on Wednesday after school,” Kaeya decided while Albedo leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, trying to think analytically about it, Klee was sure. “The mall has everything.”
Klee started nodding after a second. That made sense. Diona never mentioned how to procure pads and things, so the mall sounded logical to Klee.
Her nervous energy dissipated and she soon returned to her usual optimistic self with such a solid plan in place.
Alebdo and Kaeya both sighed in relief as Klee started blabbering on past the awkward topic and onto how she nearly killed her science teacher’s pet fish, or as Klee smartly made a point of remembering, had the scientific name of Kokomus Sangono Meea.
Kaeya sent Albedo a look, which Kaeya returned with a smile. They’d get through this momentous difficulty and coming-of-age tradition together.
—
“And then she screamed,” Oz finished his story about his older sister, Fischl, who’d been jumpscared by Lisa’s younger brother, Razor, in the middle of a park.
Klee burst out laughing along with her friends, and the 7th graders continued to gossip about their siblings in the nearby high school. Since Klee’s brother was onto his masters in college, she enjoyed listening to the stories of the teengers.
“These two boys who take the bus with me keep getting pranked by this girl named Xiangling,” Yaoyao began another story. “Apparently they’re all friends, and one of the boys is deathly afraid of spice. Xiangling keeps throwing pepper flakes at him in the cafeteria!”
Diona spit out her chocolate milk, laughing along with Klee, Dori, Oz, and Nahida. Qiqi and Sayu just kind of sat in silence, but the group didn’t mind.
They continued to joke casually, and Klee had a really good day, until it was nearing a close, and Oz and Diona approached her, seeing as they all took the same bus home.
“So, how’re Albedo and Kaeya holding up?” Diona questioned.
“What?” Oz tilted his head.
“Don’t worry your male brain about it,” Diona hissed and he squawked in fear as he jumped away. “Anyway, Klee, I just wanted to make sure those idiots are actually handing it well.”
“No need to worry, we’re going shopping after school on Wednesday,” Klee grinned. “Anyway, are we still on for fishing tonight?”
“Yeah! I’ve got Kirara to carpool me and Nahida over,” Diona smiled back.
Klee hopped on the bus as soon as it appeared and rode to the first stop, waving to both her friends.
—
“Bae, what the hell are we supposed to do,” Kaeya asked. “Like, I can’t coach her how to track her things and handle her this and that!”
“I can’t either, I’m literally a nerd, I know nothing about women,” Albedo sighed. “I’m going to the park. Let’s bring her along, try to cheer her up, make it feel normal.”
“Yeah. Smart. While you paint I can take her to the swings— wait, can I do that?” Kaeya questioned frantically.
“Yes, you can use the swings,” Albedo said. “I know that much.”
“Okay,” Kaeya nodded. “I just don’t want to seem like a bad parental figure, brother figure, whatever.”
“I know, Kaeya,” Albedo smiled gently and moved to let Kaeya wrap an arm around his middle.
They were sitting on the couch, just before Klee came home, talking it all over. They didn’t know how seriously these things were supposed to be. I mean, some people throw parties! I heard once of these girls who invite a boy to a period party without telling him what it was and it ended up being hilarious but anyways—
“Do we need codes? Like ‘it’s flooding down south’, or there’s this one I read online where you say ‘it’s shark week’, but that sounds cringy.”
“I think she’ll just say ‘I’m going through my menstruation cycle—”
“Albedo nooo,” Kaeya laughed.
So the day continued as normal. Tomorrow would be Wednesday, mall day, and Kaeya was ready to be the best distraction ever while Albedo scouted the most likely location to find feminine products of the period sort.
Little did they know, Klee nearly forgot about it all. She was not nervous anymore, after she realized it wasn’t too big a deal and her caretakers had a good plan. Her friends all joked like normal… the only strange things were Albedo and Kaeya.
Her brother and brother-in-law were trying way too hard to make it seem completely normal. Like, Klee was already over it! Her normal cheerful attitude never failed to prevent any sort of lasting stress or fear. But Kaeya and Albedo were panicking. Klee wasn’t seven anymore, she could tell!
But eh, she knew they’d figure it out, because they were smart adults. She was ready to go to the mall and look at all the fun new products and toys along the way to the correct one.
How wrong she was.
After fish blasting, Albedo and Kaeya took Klee to the park as the sun was about to begin its course behind the horizon. Klee, obviously, was very excited. Her brother and Kaeya had been married for a while now, and they rarely spent time together with Klee for leisure due to Albedo’s college status and Kaeya’s diligent work for the police (not too diligent… Albedo still caught him sneaking off to his brother’s bar often).
Albedo, like usual, grabbed the readily-assemble douffel bag by the door on their way out. Klee paid it no mind. Her older brother, whenever going out somewhere in nature, was expected to bring some kind of art equipment.
Kaeya led Klee a bit ahead of Albedo as they chatted and comically took a 360 survey of the street, slowly making sure no cars were coming down the road. Klee copied Kaeya’s gestures and Albedo nearly laughed from behind them.
The three held hands on their way over to the park. It seemed domestic and peaceful. But Albedo felt Kaeya’s hand shaking, just a bit, with anxiety when they let Klee run ahead. Albedo let out a deep breath. He was glad he wasn’t the only one trying desperately to cover the nervous uncertainty he felt.
“Brother Kaeya, you said you’d push me super high on the swings!” Klee yelled from way ahead.
“She has too much energy for a middle schooler,” Kaeya grumbled. “Coming, Sparknight!”
“It’s good to be childish sometimes. Remember you in—”
“Hush, love.” Kaeya sent an amuse look to his husband. “I have knightly duties to go perform!”
“Nice save,” Albedo smiled gently, then added more seriously; “don’t pretend you’re not freaking out over the whole period thing, okay?”
Kaeya’s face softened, and he gave Albedo a little peck on the nose, their little sign of understanding ever since Kaeya approched the lonely Albedo back in high school.
Klee huffed. Sure, she was 12, but she still deserved a good time on the swings. What was Kaeya doing over there? Ew, did he just kiss her brother? Love, Klee could never. Ew. And no, her childish crush on her partner-in-crime and loyal friend Diona was not love, that was just a recess marriage, no matter how Dori teased.
“Hey Sparks, you ready?” Kaeya asked.
“Blast off!” Klee laughed, leaping backwards onto a swing.
Kaeya chuckled and moved behind her, immediately pushing her high, way higher than most parents would allow. Klee always loved how Kaeya was sometimes a rule-breaker and put her in danger. What would life be like without risk? She’d have never discovered bombs!
While Klee giggled with glee, the chains of the swing bending back as she flew above the bar holding them up, she noticed Kaeya’s little, subtle anxious gestures. She spent most her life around Qiqi, and knew how to read all subtle emotions.
As the swing slowly slowed down, the sun setting on Klee and Kaeya on neighboring swings and Albedo not too far off, painting how it’s light hit his family’s faces, Klee decided to ask Kaeya what was wrong.
“Nothing, Klee,” Kaeya shook his head with a smile. “I guess that sometimes, I just feel a bit unprepared.”
“Unprepared?” Klee questioned. “For what?”
“Sometimes, being an adult doesn’t teach you everything,” Kaeya said very simply, and Klee understood.
“Like how graduating Elementary school didn’t make Yaoyao smarter?” Klee offered.
“Hey, why’s Yaoyao not smart?” Kaeya laughed.
“She eats only vegetables, I mean, how deel-u-see-oh-nahl can she get?” Klee scoffed.
“Delusional?” Kaeya grinned.
“I’ve never said it out loud yet, I only read it,” Klee pouted.
“It’s called being vegetarian, Klee,” Kaeya answered her question. “Anyway, Klee— I’m glad you’re taking everything really well. I hope I can become more prepared for you in the future, okay?”
“You’re prepared! We’re going to the mall,” Klee stated pointedly. Their swings had slowed, now, to a near stop, and the sun was nearly fully set.
“Yes, a very smart move on my part, because malls have alls,” Kaeya boasted.
“Alls isn’t a word, Kae,” Klee noted.
“It could be. Maybe you just haven’t read it yet, only heard it?” Kaeya said.
Albedo’s brush finished it’s final streak just as the sun set and Kaeya and Klee burst out in laughter at some nonsense. It almost seemed like everything was normal for a second.
It was, really, I mean a period is literally like 50% of the population’s problem. But Albedo and Kaeya were both delusional in their own ways (science only, no practicality + idiot, respectively) so we’ll see how it goes.
—
The mall wasn’t the busiest, as per the perks of going on a workday before most jobs ended (Kaeya got leave for family problems, Albedo just does his hw at night when Kaeya thinks he’s sleeping).
Klee, the little extrovert, was kind of sad at the little amount of kids and high amount of goth teens skipping class to hit up Hot Topic, but it was fine, because she saw Scaramouche and got him to wave back.
“KLEE!” Kaeya screeched. “Loook at that shirt!”
Klee jerked her head to peer through the glass of a H&M’s display case’s kid section, gasping dramatically.
“It would work perfectly with your brown shorts,” Kaeya observed. “Oh! And put your little red bucket hat on, and your milkshake would bring all the mom’s to coo at you in the yard!”
“And I can wear the duck socks Albedo got me!” Klee exclaimed.
The two rushed off, Albedo sighing and dragging himself along as strangers stared.
Somehow (it was inevitable), they got separated.
Kaeya and Klee lived off of each other’s energy. As much as Albedo loved his husband, sometimes he was wayyy too inexperienced when handling children. He ran off, willing to buy anything cute he saw for Klee.
Albedo felt himself nervously twitching, so he decided to make use of himself and begin the search. Kaeya coped with distraction, but Alebdo knew he had to solve the problem head on before he could relax.
Herbal Alchemy, just across the hall, called to Albedo so strongly that he nearly veered off course, but he focused. Where would one find feminine products?
He tried Claire’s. They had scrunchies and earrings, so he just assumed.
The cashier laughed insolently in his face and told him to go to a gas station, whatever that meant. Albedo took public transport and had no idea they had anything but gas at stations of such a sort.
“You know, pads, tampons.” Albedo spoke up as smoothly as a panicking adult could.
“I could just give you one? Is it urgent?” the woman at CHANEL Fragrance and Beauty Boutique looked Albedo up and down, slightly judgy. “The bathroom’s that way.”
“No, thanks,” Albedo shook his head, trying to look neutral. “Not for me. I’m looking to buy some.”
“I dunno, girl, try Bath & Body Works, but I doubt it.” The cashier lady blinked slowly, it kind of annoyed Albedo.
So, logically, he just turned and left without a thank you. Albedo started his search for the store, growing a bit self conscious. Did he really pass for a girl? Interesting discovery.
Kaeya knew Albedo had the logistics covered. Albedo was always a straight-to-the-point man, sexily so, he might add. His husband had probably already found the loot and was hiding in the shelves of Herbal Alchemy.
Klee was in the changing room next to Kaeya. Klee said she wanted to try and dress like Oz, who always wore slacks, sometimes overalls, and a variety of midieval-themed apparel like cool boots and things. Klee, when she first met him, thought he was some prince disguising himself as a peasant, or maybe a weirdo who thought everyday was Halloween, but he was just like that in a goofy lil way.
Kaeya had decided, then, to dress like Fischl so they could match. They had raided Ragstock together and came out of the curtains like badasses. Kaeya always liked feeling sexy.
Klee felt like she could roll in mud and massacre an army after a pleasant tea party and it would only solidify her aesthetic, an aspect we all hope to achieve one day.
A little dress up always relieved Kaeya’s nerves. He was still a bit more paranoid than he’d hoped to admit, always glancing at Klee, making sure she was fine, making sure she thought he was completely prepared and not freaking out thinking he was a horrible parental figure. She saw right through him but he was too delulu to tell.
His fears only escalated, though, when he spotted Albedo a floor above them, rushing up the stairs with an air of panic. Oh shit, Kaeya was coping with distraction again, while he left his husband to suffer! Bad parental figure, check. Bad husband, check again.
“Kaeya, you okay?” Klee asked sweetly.
“Dandy!” Kaeya exclaimed. “Why don’t we visit those couches so my arms can take a break from carrying all these bags, okay?”
“I can take one!” Klee offered.
“No, Sparks, we’ll take a break, your old Kaeya needs one, his bones are old.”
“Kaeya, you’re like 25, you’re not old!”
“23. And I can practically feel myself Thanosing away as my hydration deteriorates and my kidneys fail–”
“You’re so dramatic, Kaeya!” Klee giggled. “23 is only a quarter through your life.”
“Oh, shit,” Kaeya blinked. “You’re right. My life’s nearly over.”
For Albedo, maybe.
Mans’ hair was disheveled at this point. He didn’t want to look bad for Klee. He was her only living relative by blood. He had to be strong and prove he wasn’t a failure. He’d already been traumatized after he had realized how distant he’d been from his family years ago, and he had sworn to be more emotional, more loving. Now he felt useless.
He was supposed to be the smart one out of the three, the dependable one. Kaeya handled social, Albedo handled intellectual. Boom, perfect team. But Kaeya was also Albedo’s mental support system and anxiety-calming rock in his life, and he wasn’t there as Albedo tried his best to look put together. Man, he just wanted to go and cuddle his little sister and drink coffee. If only someone knowledgeable—
“Jean,” Albedo said out loud, accidentally, the moment he saw his husband’s boss and his old classmate walking through the mall with Lisa.
“Albedo!” Klee’s voice rang above the relative quiet of the mall.
Albedo turned quickly to his sister and Kaeya, who were approaching fast. He caught Kaeya’s gaze. He looked nearly as distressed as he felt, which was comforting.
“Hey, Kleeks,” Albedo smiled.
“Did you find the,” she switched to a discrete whisper, “womanly materials?”
“Uh.” Albedo looked from Kaeya’s hopeful face to Klee’s expectant one, and found himself way too overwhelmed. Looking back to where Jean and Lisa had been, his anxiety heightened. They’d disappeared. He found himself saying “Not yet” apologetically.
Kaeya grew a bit more frantic but Albedo sent him a comforting nod. He knew Jean and Lisa were there somewhere, still. He’d just have to find them and ask.
“That’s fine,” Klee nodded. “Though, I’m kind of starting to feel pain…”
That was not comforting.
What was wrong with Klee? Did she need a doctor? Kaeya’s thoughts raced frantically. He was not equipped for this. He had a week-old painkiller in his pocket coated in crumbs from some Ritz crackers a few days ago. That was it. He’d die in the apocalypse.
He glanced at Albedo, who seemed equally nervous.
“Alright Klee, we can go to a pharmacy later,” Kaeya responded. “Nothing’s wrong, it’s totally natural.”
It is. I mean basically everyone gets a little bit of pain while on their period. But Kaeya was just making it the hell up because he wanted to comfort himself more than anything.
Thirty minutes later, and it wasn’t going too well. Kaeya stayed close with Klee and Albedo, radiating waves of uncertainty and disappointment in himself. Albedo held his hand closely. They would get through this.
Klee, meanwhile, was vibing. She was wearing the hat she’d just bought and was skipping around, gawking at the teenagers with 20 piercings and cool boots. Some of them smelled like weird herbs when they walked by. Klee thought that if she set them on fire, would it spread quicker because plants are flammable?
“I’m sorry,” Kaeya said to Albedo. “I ran off with Klee and left you to handle it on your own.”
“It’s fine,” Albedo replied. “You’re here now.”
“Why don’t you take Klee to the paint store and I can continue the search?” Kaeya offered.
“No offense, Kae, but you’d break down under the pressure or try to distract yourself and end up halfway across the mall,” Albedo shook his head.
“You know me too well,” Kaeya sighed.
“Look, it’s M. Neuvillette!” Klee shouted. “It’s so weird seeing teachers outside of school.”
“Go say hi,” Kaeya insisted.
“But my French sucks, and he’ll try to talk to me in it,” Klee huffed.
“Let’s ignore him, then,” Kaeya chuckled. “Albedo, remember when I saw my Chinese teacher at that arcade, and he tried to talk with me in fluent Chinese?”
Albedo laughed quietly. Fond memory. Kaeya was so incredibly lost that he resorted to all the Chinese he could remember from his three years of learning the language: the flirts his friend had taught him. Yeah, he got suspended.
But the amusement didn’t last long. There was a mission at hand.
Ten minutes later and Kaeya kept randomly apologizing to Albedo and even to Klee, sorry for being so stupid and unknowing on the topic he really should have researched when he joined the family. He calmed down after Albedo made him take a break, and ended up much more like himself. Albedo, though, was still stressed. He hadn’t seen Jean or Lisa at all, and it was getting really late.
Klee needed to be at Zhongli and Childe’s house within an hour to watch a movie with Qiqi, and Albedo had tons of homework he’d been putting off in favor of trying to invent a new periodic element. He assumed Kaeya had some cases to catch up on as well.
“Let’s call it quits,” Albedo said while Klee hummed and observed the coins in a fountain nearby.
“Okay,” Kaeya responded from the bench they were sitting on. “Good idea. But we still have to take care of this.”
“I could try and ask Sucrose…” Albedo offered. “But I don’t see her until Friday.”
“Who knows, her period could be over by then,” Kaeya nodded. “Alright. Let’s head home.”
“We’ll stop at Walgreens to grab her some candy and painkillers,” Albedo planned.
—
The drive home was agonizing for Albedo. Kaeya was pretty chill, now that he thought he knew that Albedo had handled the issue. Klee was acting like everything was normal. Albedo didn’t actually know what that meant; were they supposed to feel normal while on their period? Klee said she’d been in pain. Was that in itself even normal?
So the dynamic duo and their little sister drove through the autumn city and stopped at a Walgreens per Albedo’s suggestion.
They all entered the store and the two adults felt a lot more relaxed. The mall was kind of hectic, but Walgreen’s cheep ass layout and plethora of actually useful things was pretty nice. Albedo, the weirdo, decided to look at the mirrors hanging on the wall angled at the rows so that he could determine the quickest possible route to the painkillers with an aerial view, instead of wandering around aimlessly and getting sucked into buying 12 Squishmallows.
Kaeya went to buy 12 Squishmallows. Poor bank account.
Klee, as per usual, ran off to the candy section while Kaeya meandered near the makeup, following her, until he spotted something. Holy shit.
He swiped out his phone and called Albedo. His husband, a few rows down, picked it up.
“I’m guessing you got stuck in the bathroom again?” Albedo grumbled.
“What? No. I found them!” Kaeya exclaimed.
“Which row?” Albedo questioned, voice tight.
“Aisle three, halfway down,” Kaeya noted. “Anyway, I gtg find Klee quick, you know what she can do when left alone.”
“Did you just spell out G T G out loud?” Albedo sighed, though he felt tension leave his shoulders. “You’re not a good influence on my little sister.”
“Aw, but she loves me, Bae,” Kaeya laughed in pure relief and walked off. “I’m glad we’ve got that all covered. I was going to implode if I had to ask the neighbors where to buy this shit.”
“You never get embarrassed,” Albedo said as he made his way to aisle three, heart still beating fast.
“I do around you,” Kaeya, also making his way across the store towards the candy where he knew Klee would be, smirked.
“We’re married, you don’t need to flirt.” Albedo rounded the corner to aisle two.
“Hey baby, was your dad a baker? ‘Cause he gave you some nice buns,” Kaeya replied casually.
Albedo hung up. He heard Kaeya’s subsequent laughter over the aisles of the store and smiled to himself.
When he reached aisle three, he could practically see golden light shimmering off the shelf with the period products in rays. Like he’d opened a treasure chest in a kid’s movie, or when he’d reinvented glowsticks accidentally one day in the lab.
Albedo quickly grabbed pads. He didn’t know Klee’s size, so he grabbed the smallest, the second smallest, and then the medium ones, all different brands, because some of them said for heavy flow, but some for no leak? He had no idea what the difference was and decided to pile them all into his arms.
When he made it back to Klee and Kaeya, Kaeya nearly started crying with relief and Klee enthusiastically jumped to get a look.
“Can I see them? Are they sparkly, like magic? Oz told me one time that all women are magical,” Klee said excitedly.
“They are, little Spark,” Kaeya intervened, thankfully. “But I think if you want to make it on time to watch Frozen tonight at Uncle Childe’s, we’ve gotta get to his house fast.”
“Yeah, Qiqi doesn’t like it when we’re late,” Klee shook her head. “But you can’t see it on her face. She just kind of stares at you while her sister Hu Tao blabbers on.”
“Blabbers, good word,” Albedo commented.
“I like prattles more.” Kaeya tapped his chin cutely (stop, Albedo, you’re supposed to be relieved, not gay panicking). “I saw it was a see-noh-neem to blabbers and it sounds cool.”
“Synonym?” Albedo looked disappointedly at Kaeya.
“See, Kaeya says words he’s only ever read, too!” Klee laughed.
Albedo and Kaeya approach the cashier. Albedo leans forward and lets all of the supplies tumble onto the table. Kaeya sets down his Squishmallows that would no doubt crowd the entire bed and push Albedo to the floor tonight. Klee tossed her three bags of candy on top of the pile.
The cashier took them in. Two disheveled young (probably) dads, purchasing every brand of every tiny size of pad Walgreens owned. One tweenager who looked way too happy to be around these chaotic caretakers.
They leaned over the counter and looked directly at Klee, smiling reassuringly;
“If you need help, just ask, okay?” the cashier said quietly.
“Yes, ma’am,” Klee saluted. “But they’re just like stickers, right?”
“I meant I could call CPS but sure kid,” the cashier shrugged. “Anyway. That’s like $300, so while I ring ‘em up, start emptying your wallets.”
—
They managed to get Klee to the bathroom, all setup and ready in a cute outfit, and to Chili’s house within the hour.
The moment Albedo sat down on the couch, Kaeya dramatically flopped onto his lap and stuffed his face in his husband’s chest. Albedo gently patted his back comfortingly.
“I wonder how Zhongli and Childe dealt with raising two teenage girls and a tween,” Kaeya questioned.
“At least we won’t have to do this again,” Albedo muttered.
“True.” Kaeya rolled onto his back and looked up into Albedo’s eyes. “Parenting is hella weird.”
“Be glad we didn’t have to raise her as a baby,” Albedo responded. “Now move, I’ve got a paper to write.”
“Can’t we take a break and watch a movie?” Kaeya pouted.
Albedo stared at Kaeya incredulously. But a moment longer, and Albedo couldn’t last. Kaeya had a certain sexy charm he could never resist.
“Fine, but it has to be something intellectual,” Albedo sighed.
“Like Game of Thrones,” Kaeya offered.
“No,” Albedo glared at him again.
“Inception?”
“That’s an entirely fake reality.”
“John Wick? Deadpool? Yellowstone?”
“Could we watch Bob Ross?”
“Albedo, why are you like this?”
—
Klee, Oz, Yaoyao, Qiqi, Diona, Sayu, Nahida, and Dori curled up on a large couch with Hu Tao, Ganyu, and Childe, all enthusiastically singing the songs to Frozen. Except for Qiqi, she just kind of sat in silence next to Xiao while Venti stood up and screeched along.
“FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREEEEEEVEEEEEEEEER!” The cacophony of voices sang horribly, Klee included. Zhongli had left the house during the first song.
Klee was very happy that her life was so great. Except for the part where Albedo and Kaeya were all panicky over nothing. But that was fine, adults worked in mysterious ways. Besides Childe, he was pretty easy to understand, because, like M. Neuvillette said one time, he had nothing in his brain.
The group sang and sometimes recited lines from the movie. When it ended, Childe had to leave to find Zhongli, so the kids all logically put Shrek on. He got back three minutes later, but they ended up watching the entirety of Shrek anyway.
Klee hoped her brothers still weren’t nervous about anything. (Kaeya and Albedo fell asleep to Bob Ross on their couch, so they’re fine).
What an eventful few days that could have been completely avoided if Kaeya had only thought to use Google.