Archive of Our Own ^beta

The wind whipped harshly against his windows, the howling cries of the storm grew louder as the rain battered their house and echoed down the halls. Red’s room sat on the top level and usually took the brunt of any weather, he had grown used to it. Red lay sprawled out across his bed after losing what felt like an hour-long battle of tossing and turning. His sheets twisted around his legs and one of his pillows was sliding towards the floor, he couldn’t get comfortable. He wanted to blame everything- the shyness of his sleep, the sudden discomfort of his bed, the overwhelming thoughts that clouded his head- all on the storm but he knew it wasn’t the reason. 

Something gnawed at his chest, like a dog worrying a bone, chewing on his ribs. He was tired, he wanted to go to sleep but he couldn’t push away the feeling that something was wrong. It started right as he laid down and only grew as he tried to rest.

Red groaned in defeat and pulled himself up, surveying his room through squinted, tired eyes and heavy limbs. His birds were curled up safely in their nest, the door to his balcony securely closed and locked with the blinds drawn tightly, and his yellow headband was in a pile of clothes by his messy desk. Everything was how it should be.

So he should be able to sleep. He just needed to lay down and close his eyes and keep them shut- then he would finally be able to rest, just like he had been longing to do all day. The feeling spiked like a shot of fire, running through his veins as he thought about going to sleep.

Red forced himself to his feet, sloppily dragging his hand over his face to wake himself up and make sure he didn’t fall down the stairs. Maybe he just needed to move, get the damn jitters, or whatever issue he was having to go away and he’d feel better. 

He crept into the hall, the darkness covering the house swallowed him up as he lumbered down the stairs, ignoring the branches flailing in the windows as they fought with the wind, begging for his attention. Red dragged his feet, his steps heavy against the creaking stairs. He glanced at the other’s door as he wandered, taking brief moments of respite against the stair railing. Soft light seeping out from under Yellow’s door piqued his interest, he raised his hand to knock but stopped. Yellow had a habit of falling asleep at his desk while working, he’d rather not disturb the little bit of rest Yellow usually allowed himself. It was just as well since he didn’t feel very apt to talk anyway. He also figured that if Yellow was awake- he would have an idea and then neither of them would be sleeping for a very long time.

Red finally found himself in the living room, watching as shadows flickered across the floor, hiding from the booming thunder outside. Red cracked his knuckles out of habit, his eyes starting to adjust to the darkness. The feeling still hadn’t left. If anything, it had gotten worse. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He flopped down on the couch, propping one leg on the armrest and letting the other slip off the side, and bounce nervously.

He put his hands behind his head and propped his head up, he decided to rest his eyes for a moment, listening to the rapid pattering of rain, hoping it could help lull him to sleep despite his racing thoughts. He checked off everything in his head again, the house was locked up, his birds were in their cage, everyone was inside, the stables were locked-

A loud crack made him shoot up in a panic, the realization ringing in his ears as he scrambled around to look out the window. Through the rain, he was able to make out the gate to the stables, rocking in the wind. Red swore under his breath as he tore away from the window, racing to the front door. He blindly threw on a random pair of shoes as he darted out the door and into the rain.

He relied on his memory to guide him as the rain blurred with the darkness. He burst into the stables, eyes racing to take in every detail they could, looking for anything out of place. One of the doors for the horse’s stall was open, with a brown and white splattered stallion tapping his hoof at the straw scattered across the floor and sniffing indignantly.

Red stumbled over to the horse, his heart beating in his throat, and tripping over shoes that he now realized were Green’s and were two sizes too big. He usually wasn’t this jumpy, this nervous, he wasn’t sure what was wrong. He guided the horse back into his stall before firmly closing and latching the gate. He tried to take a deep breath, wiping the rainwater from his face and hair as he scanned the rest of the stables.

His heart almost stopped as he spotted Reuben’s bed empty.

He dropped to his knees and nearly ripped apart the little nest as he looked for Reuben in vain. He clearly wasn’t there, his little door was unlatched, and waving from the wind. 

Panic shot through his chest again, aching like an old wound as Red scrambled to his feet and darted outside. He knew Reuben wasn’t inside, he liked to roam and Red liked to oblige, so he had to be out. He squinted against the frigid rain and inky darkness, looking for any sign of the pig. A few frantic tracks in the mud already had him running, he needed to be quick before they disappeared in the rain.

They were heading towards the forest.

Red didn’t hesitate.

“Rueben!” He raced towards the tree line, ignoring the faint growls and rattles hiding in the shadows. He burst through the brush, shaking off the stinging of thorns and wiry branches. The thick canopy of leaves blocked out any attempt for any light to come through their rustling barrier. Shadows crept in the corners of his vision, rotting hands and muted hisses met his ears as he ran, but he paid them no mind.

The back part of his mind snarled at him, gnashing teeth tearing at his thoughts, telling him to get his friends, a weapon- to ask for help . He grit his teeth and kept running- reasonably he knew he probably should’ve grabbed a weapon or at least something to defend himself but he couldn’t bring himself to ask his friends.

They probably wouldn’t care- Rueben would be fine, he’s pleasantly smart enough to hide and stay safe until morning. 

Smarter than you, running out at night without a weapon.

He loved his friends, he really did but he always had the sinking feeling that they didn’t take him seriously. He could hear it in their voices, light tones tinged with annoyance, barely concealed eye rolls, the way Green would tip his head to talk to him. They didn’t take him seriously, his concerns were always ridiculous, easy to ignore, something that he shouldn’t even be worried about because it was so stupid-

He tried to swallow the lump growing in his throat. They didn’t say that- they never said that- but he could feel it through the looks they gave him, the way their eyes flashed, how their words always seemed to be coated with a sickeningly sweet ‘little brother.’

He ran faster.

“Rueben!” He called out again, “Rueben, c’mere buddy!”

Red’s feet ached as they cracked against the forest floor, his too-big shoes squishing in the mud. He squinted against the rain battering his face as he tried to catch his breath. His legs were freezing but his face burned with excursion and worry. He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind, he needed to focus. He could barely make out what he thought were Reuben’s tracks in the soft earth, it was only a matter of time before they disappeared completely.

Red picked up his pace, his feet sliding on the wet leaves and mud, as he fought to keep his balance. Panic grew in his chest as thunder boomed in the distance. The rain would only get worse and he would lose the trail- he couldn’t leave Reuben out in the rain, especially with all the monsters! Something horrible could happen to him and then it would be all Red’s fault- he was supposed to take care of-

His foot snagged on a root.

Suddenly his vision smeared with earth as he hit the ground, tumbling down the hill. His head spun as roots and rocks battered his body as he desperately scrambled to get a hold of something . 

He skidded to a halt at the bottom of the hill, rolling halfway into a bush. He lay there for a moment, squinting up at the sky, rain hitting his face, then groaned as everything hit him at once. 

Pain radiated throughout his entire body, his shoulder and ankle throbbed, and his arms stung with heat as he tried to prop himself up. The sound of the storm was muted by the ringing in his ears. Everything seemed too loud and too far away at once.

A jolt of pain shot through his shoulder and he collapsed back into the mud, groaning and gasping for air. He didn’t want to have to stand ever again, he wanted to become one with the dirt and pass out until the storm was over.

He needed to get up .

He needed to find Rueben- he had to find Rueben. 

That’s all he needed to do, find Reuben and get home, and then he could rest. He rolled onto his stomach, trying to get his knees under him but the incessant shaking of his arm was throwing off his balance. All of his adrenaline had slipped away, leaving his head fuzzy- Ender, he was going to be sick.

Come on.

Get up.

He groaned again, sucking in a deep breath, he should’ve grabbed a weapon- his communicator- the right fucking pair of shoes . He strained his ears, he couldn’t hear any monsters but he knew they were there, hiding in the shadows- he had to get up.

A soft whimper met his ears and his head shot up- he recognized that noise. His hazy eyes darted in every direction, desperately searching the darkness for his pet, “Reuben?” He whispered hopefully, daring not to make another sound.

A pink snout peaked out from the brush and bracken, sniffing tentatively.

“Rueben!” Red stuck his hand out, his chest warming against the frigid rain as Rueben peered out of the brush with wide eyes. The weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders as Reuben pressed his face into Red’s palm. Red managed to shuffle onto his knees, leaning over to shield Reuben, cupping the pig’s face with both of his hands, a relieved laugh spilling from his lips.

Red scratched behind the pig's ear, the sudden lightness in his chest almost made him sick. Reuben was covered in dirt and mud but seemed unharmed, continuing to press his face into Red’s dusty palms. The pain in his arm ebbed into a dull throb as Red scooped Reuben into his arms and secured him across his shoulders.

He stumbled and trudged up the hill, his feet trying to betray him with every step as they slid against wet leaves and stuck in the mud. As he walked, the pain in his ankle began to flare up, sparks of fire that blossomed and burned up his leg. He gritted his teeth and pushed on, the rest of his injuries seemed to follow in tandem, his arms were tattered and sore and his lungs ached with every heaving breath he took-

His knees buckled and slammed into the hill. It took every ounce of his strength to cling onto Reuben with one hand as the other shot into the hillside. Mud curled under his nails as he clawed at the dirt and he hoisted himself up, desperately scrambling to the top. He thought he was going to collapse- he wanted to- his limbs were wiry, as if they had been stretched out and twisted into knots. Whatever fire that had made him fly across the forest floor had been reduced to ash, melting in the rain.

He resecured Reuben and pressed on. He was going to make it home. 

He didn’t need help, he had everything under control, and everything was fine. He did something a little stupid, a little reckless, but he could handle himself, he fixed it,  he didn’t need a babysitter or anything, he was fine .

Rain battered him, even with the protective cover of the forest, the wind whipping around him, sending the few strands of hair that weren’t plastered to his forehead into disarray.

Everything blurred together in a mess of rain and pain and he wasn’t sure how much time had passed but Red didn’t think he had ever been happier as the clearing before their house peeked through the trees. He ignored the rattling of bones in the distance. He yanked himself through the brush, eyes already darting from side to side to survey the clearing, spindly shadows lumbering about the clearing were almost impossible to make out with the rain.

A burst of lightning nearly made him jump out of his skin, his grip on Reuben tightened reflexively. In the brief light, he was able to make out the monsters littering the land, far too many for him to be able to take on.

He really should’ve grabbed a weapon.

Red blinked, shaking his head to get the hair out of his face, he would just have to avoid them. He tried to think like Yellow, quick and sharp, mapping out his path in his head. A growl from behind shot at his already worn nerves, the fire in his chest sparked to life against the rain and he ran .

Red sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, trying not to make any more noise than he already was. Between his footsteps, Reuben’s soft squeals, and his own labored breathing, it was sure to draw attention. He hoped the thunder would cover him.

He dodged around monstrous shadows he could barely see, feet skidding in the slippery grass. His muscles burned like fire, his lungs ached, and his ankle throbbed in protest as he twisted on his heels to avoid a zombie. Reuben wasn’t very heavy but it still felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

He was halfway to the house when his knees buckled again.

Red stumbled, trying to keep himself upright on shaky legs and keep a solid grip on Reuben. He quickly swiped the rain out of his eyes, chest heaving as his lungs ached for air, for a break. 

A muted hiss behind him made his chest seize. 

He shot forward, using as much strength as he could muster, his legs still shaking like a fawn- he had to get as much distance between himself and the creeper as possible-

The blast knocked him off his feet and he crashed into the dirt, his head cracking against the ground. Reuben squealed as he fell from Red’s shoulders, roughly tumbling across the ground. 

No!

Red wrenched himself to his feet, wincing against the rain blurring his vision, his eyes blurring as the ringing in his ears started to fade. Reuben lay twitching in the mud, blood leaking out of a cut on his side, his hooves weakly prodding at the ground, desperately trying to stand. 

Cold shock burst through his veins as a zombie hobbled towards Reuben, rotten skin slipping off its bones in the rain. Red frantically scrambled to his feet, his heart caught in his throat, cutting off any cry he could let out.

Red slammed into the zombie at full force, it crashed to the ground as Red dropped to his knees next to Reuben. The pig whined as Red cupped the side of his face in his hand, the other hand hovering uselessly over his wound. His heart was beating so fast it hurt, he needed to get Reuben and go but his hands only ghosted over him. 

He didn’t want to hurt him.

He rushed in again, his thoughts flashed back to the Lush Caves, to the scorching heat of the desert that slid into chilly nights. He rushed out, at night, without any gear to save Reuben and ended up getting him hurt.

Red tried to slide his hand under Reuben’s side when fire ripped across his shoulder, arching down his back. He whipped around without thinking, hands balled into fists and lashed out. His knuckles cracked against the zombie’s jaw and sent it stumbling back. His eyes flew from side to side, more zombies yanked themselves from the darkness. They lunged at him, snarling and slobbering, their bloodstained, rotting hands clawing at the air. He couldn’t fight them all- he had to go-

Tattered fingers tore at his arms and he yelped, ripping his arm away and elbowing the monster in the face. His chest heaved, his hands shaking from the cold, the rain, the pain. Fiery adrenaline burned through his lungs and he locked in and slipped into the motions like a machine. 

He slammed full force into another zombie that tried to go after Reuben and kicked another one aside, ignoring the throbbing of his ankle. Something clawed at his side, he twisted around, his arm crashing against its chest, shoving the monster to the ground. He slammed his heel through its skull.

He grasped at his side, trying to catch his breath when another snarl drew him back to the fight. There were always more, he could barely see them but he could hear them, guttural snarls that clashed with the thunder shaking the clearing.

Red wanted to collapse, his body burned with pain, he was sure his arms were going to turn to ash. He couldn’t fight anymore but he didn’t have a choice. He tried to take a deep breath but broke off into a cough. He wiped the rain from his face again, rolled his shoulders, and raised his fists again.

And Again.

And again.

and again.

He knocked another monster away, blood running down his hands from his split knuckles, and rushed to grab Reuben. He slid on his knees, slipping both hands around the pig’s middle, and as gently as possible, lifted him off of the ground.

A snarl behind him sent a spark of fear through his chest, Red was already wrenching himself around, mind racing with a million different ways to get away- only to freeze as it collapsed unceremoniously in a heap of skin and bones in front of him.

An arrow sticking out of the back of its head.

Red’s gaze shot up as Blue lowered his bow. 

For a moment, he couldn’t move, everything had caught up with him and came crashing down like a wave.

“Go!” Blue’s voice jolts him from his stupor as he yanks another arrow from his quiver. It finds its home in another rotting skull.

Red immediately pulls Reuben against his chest and scrambles to his feet. He wrenched the arrow from the zombie in front of him, passing it off to Blue as he raced to the house. 

He shouldered open the front door, his hand shielding Reuben’s head protectively. He doesn’t make it more than two steps before he falls, catching himself on his knees. He holds Reuben tighter against his chest like it could heal him, every part of his body burning and burning and burning.

A moment later the door slammed shut and a bow clattered to the floor. Red jerked his head up, looking up at Blue through watery eyes, tears welling up that he refused to let fall, “Please- Reuben’s hurt, he got hurt.”

Blue was instantly at his side. 

His hand hovered over Red’s shoulder uncertainly before finding its place at the nape of his neck. 

“Hey hey,” Blue’s voice was soft and grounding, a soothing wave washing over the burning in his chest. He gently squeezed the nape of Red’s neck, “He’ll be okay. Let me see.” His other hand reached out for Reuben.

Red let out a shuddering breath, nodding slowly as he uncurled himself from Reuben. Blue gave his neck another squeeze before gently taking Reuben from his arms, hands ghosting over the wounds.

“Aw, he’ll be fine.” Blue said softly, “Don’t worry, it’s nothin’ bad.”

Red nodded, the pressure behind his eyes felt like a cracking dam, he took in an uneasy breath and ignored the shaking in his hands. 

Blue got to his feet, looking down at Red, his eyes flashed as he inspected him, “You’re not lookin’ too good.”

Red shrugged, wincing as the movement pulled at the wounds across his shoulders. He didn’t feel too good.

Blue set Reuben down on the couch before coming back to Red and offering his hand. Red wordlessly accepted his hand and let Blue pull him to his feet. He tried to go to the couch, to Reuben, but his legs were shaking too much. He stumbled before Blue grabbed his arm, catching him, grounding him. 

“Hold on, what’s all goin’ on with you?” Blue’s eyes scanned him again, brows furrowing in worry. 

Red waved his hand in a vain attempt to brush off Blue’s concern, flashing his bloody, busted knuckles as he did. “Nothing that bad.”

Blue narrowed his eyes, “I don’t believe you.”

Red glanced at Reuben, shaking on the couch, at the rain cracking against the window, “That’s not really my fault.”

Blue gave him a tired look, “Go shower while I help Reuben, then I’ll help you.”

Red wanted to protest, he wanted to be with Reuben, glancing back at his beloved friend. He could suddenly feel the mud caked against his skin, mingling with sticky hot blood, he was soaked to the bone and Green’s too-big shoes were splattered with mud and shredded leaves and whatever else Red couldn’t be bothered to make out.

“I’ll make sure he’s safe, I promise,” Blue said softly, his eyes shifting to take in every part of Red’s face. 

Red didn’t take his eyes off Reuben, “I trust you but…” He trailed off, he did trust Blue, he really did- he just couldn’t bring himself to leave.

“Do…you want to stay with him?” Blue asked slowly, his gaze drifting between Reuben and Red. Red swallowed thickly, he knew he should take care of himself but Reuben’s scared cries still echoed in his ears, he needed to see this through.

Red nodded, “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Okay,” Blue said, his voice impossibly soft, it made Red’s chest ache.

Red kicked off his shoes and sat on the arm of the couch, knees pulled up against his chest, arms wrapped loosely around his legs. He watched Blue kneel next to the couch through hazy eyes. Usually, he liked watching Blue work, meticulous fingers flying with expert precision, but this time around his eyes wouldn’t focus and his body was too heavy.

He tried to stay as present as he could, for Reuben. He reached out and scratched behind his ear as Blue gently disinfected the gash on his side. Reuben pressed his face against Red’s hand, whimpering softly, Red felt the lump growing in his throat. He shouldn’t have let this happen to him.

“You should go shower.” Blue said, slowly dabbing a few drops of a potion on Reuben’s wound. It was overwhelming and smelled like sugar and the creek by their house during the spring.

“What are you tryin’ to say?” Red mumbled, in a useless attempt to make himself feel better- he hated feeling like this- but he couldn’t find the energy to smile.

Blue rolled his eyes, “I’m sayin’ that you need to get all the mud off before I can help you.”

“What about Reuben-”

“I’m just about to cover the wound then he’s all good.” Blue interrupted, “He’s fine, just like I promised. Now go take care of yourself.”

Red didn’t have the energy to fight, his adrenaline was gone and so was the heat, the fire that burned him alive, his damp clothes were making him shiver and his skin was starting to itch from the mud. He grabbed a towel from their closet and shuffled into the bathroom. He moved on autopilot, getting the shower ready.

He didn’t realize how much he had been fighting until he tried to pull off the tattered remains of his shirt and found it more torn than whole.

Red stood under the shower spray, letting the hot water battle with his injuries. He could feel the fog starting to disperse and the hot water was beginning to agitate his wounds. He turned it to a cooler setting and started to scrub the dirt from his body, trying to distract himself from his now bubbling thoughts.

The initial anger that had burned up his chest felt muted and muffled, there was still a lump in his throat and he ignored the evergrowing pressure behind his eyes. He wanted to be angry- it was better than whatever this was, he gritted his teeth and tried to breathe.

He scrubbed harder and the soap burned his knuckles.

Red was surprised to find a pair of pajamas sitting on top of his towel after his shower, a tank top, and a pair of baggy shorts. He changed as quickly as he could. He slipped out of the bathroom, towel around his shoulders to catch any extra water dripping from his hair, and saw Blue sitting on the couch, poking through his first aid kit. Reuben was under the coffee table, curled protectively around the carrot he was munching on, a thick white bandaid wrapped around his middle.

Blue glanced up at him, a fleetingly soft smile spread across his lips as Red shuffled over and flopped down on the couch. Blue immediately got to work,  going to clean the scrapes and cuts on his arm, scrutinizing each one carefully as Red did everything he could to avoid the other’s gaze.

Blue tended to murmur to himself as he worked, and now was no exception. His light fingers ghosted over the wounds as he muttered under his breath. Red bit his tongue to stop from making any noise.

“These don’t look like any wounds from any monsters I’ve ever seen.” Blue said, slightly raising an eyebrow, “Did you get in a fight with a bush?”

Red bit the inside of his cheek and huffed, “Maybe.”

Blue let out a breathy laugh, dabbing a cotton ball soaked with disinfectant on a particularly nasty cut. Red inwardly winced.

Blue moved up his arm, treating some of the more egregious wounds as the storm raged on. 

“Ah man,” Blue grumbled, “You might need stitches for this one.” He pointed at a nasty cut that started at the top of his shoulder and crept down his arm, partway to his elbow.

Red made a face, “What?” He hated getting stitches, they were uncomfortable and he could never not poke at them. 

“Might.” Blue reiterated, squinting at the gash, “I can’t tell if this’ll scar without the stitches.”

Red chewed on the inside of his cheek, “Man, I hate stitches, just leave it. I don’t care if it scars.”

Blue raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m sure!”

“Alright, alright.”

Red let his mind wander as Blue worked, he found that majority of the time, if he tuned out while Blue was treating him, it made it easier for both of them. His eyes settled on Reuben, still happily munching on his carrot. His chest tightened at the thought of Reuben outside in the storm, with all the monsters- he could’ve lost him.

Red didn’t think he could handle that, Reuben had basically become a part of their family. Red had grown used to his presence, he was always there, and he always managed to make Red feel better. He was like a safety blanket, just his presence made him feel like everything was going to be alright. Red didn’t know what he would do if he lost that, Orange had once said he had a bleeding heart.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he missed what Blue had asked him.

“What?” He asked, glancing over at Blue.

“What were you doing out there in the storm?” Blue said again, not looking up from Red’s arm.

“I was going after Reuben,” Red said, frustration starting to bubble up in his chest, he would rather go back outside and take his chances with the monsters rather than have this conversation. 

“I get that but…” Blue paused, still holding onto Red’s arm, “Why didn’t you take anything with you?” Confusion evident in his voice.

“I was in a rush.” Red forced out, the disinfectant seemed to sting more, “I needed to find him.” 

“I mean, I needed to find you and I still managed to grab my bow.” Blue said, his tone was light and even but Red could feel heat creeping up his face. He knew that Blue wouldn’t understand, none of them would. Their eyes, the tone in their voices, all baring down on him. They never said it but he could feel it.

Little brother.

Stupid little brother.

Always causing trouble, always getting in over his head, can’t handle himself, reckless, impulsive- just a little brother.

“I get it!” Red snapped, he ripped his arm away and Blue jerked in surprise, “I get it! It was dumb- I know!”

His chest ached like someone was trying to break his ribs, he was sure he was going to pass out. Suddenly the thunder was too close, the rain was too loud, his body hurt so much more after the adrenaline slipped away.

“I-” 

“It was stupid and reckless- I know! You don’t need to tell me that!” Red’s face burned and he was suddenly on his feet, the lump growing in his throat, “I never think anything through and I always mess everything up!”

“Red-” Blue sounded a million miles away.

“I know I do!” His voice broke despite himself, “I-I don’t need you to find another way to say it.”

The silence was suffocating and the house was much colder than he ever remembered it being. He couldn’t understand the emotions on Blue’s face, it was like he was frozen in time, disinfectant still in his hand. 

All of the energy from his anger dissipated and his legs were starting to shake. Blue slowly reached out, inviting him back to the couch. Red wanted to be alone, he wanted to go to bed- he could feel blood trickling down his fingers.

He slowly sat back down, begrudgingly letting Blue take his arm again.

The silence was thick and heavy, weighing on them like stones, and pressure was building behind his eyes. Red said what he had always wanted to say, but wished he had never said it like that- he didn’t like the way Blue’s eyes were flashing or the way his own face still burned from it all.

The storm raged on, shaking the house as Red breathed in as deeply as he could through his nose. He pressed a shaky hand against his mouth, his chest was going to split open.

“You don’t mess everything up.” Blue said suddenly, quietly. Red’s head jerked up and he stared at him. Blue pressed a butterfly bandaid over a cut on Red’s arm, he paused, mouth agape and jaw shifting as he tried to find the words “I’m sorry if I ever said anything that made you feel like that.”

Red wanted to speak but couldn’t get a single word out.

He stayed quiet as Blue moved onto his shoulder, pushing the strap of his tank top out of the way, trying to treat the burn that he could feel spreading across his back and shoulders. Red let himself zone out again for the betterment of both of them, and tried to collect his thoughts, rolling what Blue said around in his head.

“And… I don’t think you’re stupid.”

No time for thinking then.

“I do stupid things all the time.” Red huffed without any real heat, he wasn’t sure why he said it, he didn’t really want to fight.

Blue shrugged, “Yeah you can say that, but we all kinda do.” 

“But I’m the only one who gets treated differently because of it!” Red’s mouth moved faster than his thoughts. 

Blue paused, his fingers brushing against the burn on Red’s shoulder. “What do you mean?” 

Red swallowed thickly, pressing his lips together, he should've just kept his mouth shut.

Something cool spread across his shoulder, an earthy aroma flittered through the air, it felt familiar and safe- it felt like home. He sighed, he had a million thoughts and no idea where to start. He obviously wasn’t going to be getting away anytime soon, so he might as well fill the air.

“We all do stupid things but I feel like I’m the only one who gets judged for it.” He mumbled, mouth partly covered by his hand, “I don’t think anyone means anything by it- maybe ‘m just bein’ a baby but…” He trailed off, an inkling of frustration growing in his chest, he really had never been good with words.

The rain continued to beat down on the house.

“I feel like no one takes me seriously.” His tongue felt strange as he spoke like he wasn’t supposed to be sharing it, “It’s dumb but- it’s like-I feel like everyone sees me as their- their stupid little brother!” His voice broke at the end, he tried to clear his throat to cover it up, but he knew Blue heard it.

“What do you mean?”

Red started to speak but stopped, the words caught in his throat- it had all spent so long in his head that he didn’t know how to say it out loud. He had never even said any of them.

“It was- it was a while ago but me and Orange had a fight,” He shifted his jaw, heat creeping up his face, “And- he said some things.”

Blue hummed a low, soft noise, a prompt to continue.

Red chewed on his lip, “We-we figured it out and made up but… I don’t know, I-I just can’t get it out of my head.”

‘You always do this! You always jump head-first into everything and drag us along and then it all goes to shit. Stop whining- we have to fix this!

The smell of Blue’s medicine managed to overwhelm and ground him at the same time. 

“What… what did he say? If you don’t mind me asking.” Blue murmured, out of the corner of his eye Red could see him unraveling a thick wad of gauze.

Red shrugged and Blue pressed his hand against his neck to stop him from moving, “It- it was just something about me being reckless and… and getting everyone in trouble because of it.”

“Do you think it’s true?” Blue asked, Red paused.

“Sort of? It’s complicated- I don’t know.” He tapped his fingers against his knee, his leg bouncing nervously as Blue wrapped his shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“I am reckless, I know I am-” Red said quickly, “And I’ve done it before- multiple times and it can’t be a coincidence- it’s a pattern.”

“Well, that doesn’t-”

“And then I messed up this time with my responsibility for Rebuen,” Red continued, he could barely hear Blue, his thoughts spiraling faster than he could handle, “It was probably my fault that he got out- probably left the gate open or something- and I just, I needed to fix it myself.” 

Blue nodded.

“It probably doesn’t help at the moment but, you can always ask me for help and I’ll help you, no matter what.” Blue said softly, reaching for Red’s other hand. Red shifted and turned so Blue could reach it better. Red rested his face in his bandaged palm, tiredness starting to weigh down on him like a stone in water.

“Is that why you didn’t ask for help?” Blue asked, “Just cause you wanted to ‘fix it’ by yourself?”

“Sort of,” He mumbled, the disinfectant stinging the splits in his knuckles, “I thought you’d think it was stupid or something.”

Blue didn’t look up as he dabbed a salve along one of Red’s knuckles, “If it’s important to you I don’t think it’s stupid.”

Red swallowed thickly, glancing at Blue out of the corner of his eye, searching for any insincerity, a snide smirk, but he came up short. It was just Blue, their long fingers gently grounding him as they tended to his wounds. Red blinked, he wanted to laugh- of course- of course , Blue wouldn’t do that- none of them would. 

His stomach churned, of course they wouldn’t do that, they were family. He wasn’t sure how the thought even came about, the only fragment was the tight feeling in his chest, now slowly ebbing away.

“I sort of get what you mean.” Blue plunged his hand into the first aid kit, riffling through it roughly, a stark contrast to his gentle hold on Red’s hand, “Not to the same extent as you but, I also get the feeling that the others don’t exactly take me seriously.” 

Red nodded even though he wasn’t sure why.

“Yeah, I-I get that I rush into everything but it feels like everything happens so quickly and sometimes I feel like I need to rush or something might happen- something I could prevent if I was faster.” Red rolled his sore shoulders, the bandages shifting as he did, “It’s kinda stupid.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid- and stop saying that!” Blue jammed his fingers into Red’s side and he yelped, trying to squirm away.

“Hey!” Red cried, Reuben pulled himself out from under the coffee table, his hooves clicking against the floor. He hopped up next to Red, pressing into his side.

“Stop talking about yourself like that!” Blue hissed, his face softened, “Give your hand back, I’m almost done.” 

Red made a face but let Blue take his hand again.

“I actually kind of admire that about you.” Blue continued, his voice smooth and clean like he didn’t just start a fight he definitely wouldn’t win, “You’re so passionate, I think it’s really nice, you always seem so…ready.”

“Ready?” Red echoed softly.

“Yeah, ready for everything- if there is ever any problem I don’t have a doubt in my mind that you’ll be there, ready to help or fight or whatever. I think your passion is one of the best things about you.”

Red felt the inkling of warmth blossom in his chest, Blue admired him over something, he thought highly of him. It shouldn’t have meant as much as it did to him, they were family and he knew they cared about each other but it felt different. Maybe it was just because he never really liked that about himself.

“There, you should be all good,” Blue said, tossing the last bit of bloody gauze onto the coffee table, his voice blending in with the rain. Red let himself relax, leaning back onto the couch, Reuben nuzzled into his side contently.

Blue leaned back onto the couch, pressing closer to him. Red let his head fall onto Blue’s shoulder.

“It’s late,” Blue murmured, Red nodded, his eyes already closed. 

“I should really clean this mess up.”

“You don’t gotta right now,” Red mumbled, he could tell Blue was tired too, “We’re just resting for a minute.” He could feel Blue’s shoulder relax under his head as Blue leaned closer against him. The thunder rumbled like a lullaby, covering them with protective booms. His tangled thoughts had loosened and crept back into the corner of his mind, for now, that was good enough for him.

He lightly stroked Reuben, curled up against his side, feeling the soft bandage wrapped around his middle. The gentle rise and fall of his sides calmed down the last bit of panic still lingering in his chest, Reuben was alright. He let himself blur into Blue as his mind finally pulled him to sleep, and he gladly, willingly, let it.

For the first time in a while, Red could finally sleep in peace.