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He introduced himself as Dazai.
The man called Dazai returned to his seat and raised his glass for a toast.
His eyes were dead serious…
…intensely strong…
The lights were low.
The mood set.
The atmosphere just as he liked-which was probably why he'd continued going to this place, despite gaining such infamous notoriety as 'The Man in Black' after ascending all the way to the top as the head of the Port Mafia. Though it was difficult to leave the safety of the mafia towers and his constant entourage of bodyguards, he simply couldn't bring himself to quit this place.
The Lupin bar.
A small, well-hidden dive just outside of the city that fell under the control and protection of the Mafia. By his own doing, of course. Because this place held personal, sentimental value to him. And-once brought under the thumb of the mafia-it became a perfect place to conduct business away from prying eyes.
A place to hold secret meetings, much like the one he was having this evening.
A glass of whiskey into waiting, he ordered another for himself, and one for his 'guest' before ordering a glass of tomato juice-just for the hell of it. Then-nursing his second drink-Dazai waited.
...he predicted that his guest would come along soon...
Just as he'd predicted that the Armed Detective Agency would eventually reach out to him after what had happened to Akutagawa, Ryūnosuke.
And his predictions were never wrong.
Half way through his second glass of whiskey as he felt the world around him begin to swirl and soften, Dazai heard the distinct sound of footsteps descending the stairs down into the windowless basement of a bar. A familiar sound he could recall from bygone days that had never really happened.
...what a strange sensation...
As his gaze fluttered closed, Dazai softly smiled to himself.
...Odasaku...
Dazai sensed the presence that had just entered the room reluctantly take a seat next to him and-so help him-his hollow, empty heart skipped a beat. He felt like an adolescent child again. And-in this one, single moment when the man sat next to him-everything was right in the world.
He didn't speak.
He didn't move.
He didn't breathe, in fear of ruining this moment.
...this reunion...
“I appreciate you agreeing to meet with me.”
Dazai whimsically smiled at this as his gaze remained closed.
I would move the moon and stars to be with you-he thought to himself.
“Please. There's really no need to be so formal. You can call me Dazai, if you'd like” ...please..? “And I already ordered you a drink.” He continued in a quiet lull, instead of saying what had really been on his mind-on his heart-just then.
Dazai sensed the man's reluctance over this greeting and his offer as he faintly chuckled under his breath, bringing his own glass to his lips to stifle it.
Because-in this instance-laughing would be rude.
“It's your favorite.” Dazai casually mentioned this as his gaze now lingered on the glass in his hand, hoping to coax the man next to him into a more comfortable and relaxed state.
“And how would you know what my favorite drink is?” He heard this dubious response as he took another sip from his own glass of whiskey.
“You'd be amazed, Oda Sakunosuke,” These words crawled their way past the tip of his tongue in a slow drawl as he held his own glass poised between his long, slender fingers. “at all of the little things that I know.” A doleful smile graced his lips as his gaze remained fixated on his glass, and avoided the pointed look he felt coming from the man sitting next to him. “You wouldn't believe it-” He whispered in a hushed voice and infinitesimal frown. “even if I told you...”
Dazai took another sip from his glass as he noticed from his peripheral how the man refused to touch his own. Not that Dazai could blame the man for mistrusting him. He was-after all-the head of the most prolific crime syndicate in the city of Yokohama. As a member of the Armed Detective Agency, the man was most likely aware of this fact. The two of them were on entirely opposite ends of the law. The man probably thought his drink was poisoned.
It wasn't.
But in this man's defense, there was really no proof of that.
Though...
That didn't exactly stop Dazai from feeling just a bit hurt by this open rejection of such a sincere and thoughtful gift.
The last thing he wanted to do was harm this man.
If he'd had the capacity to love-Dazai would even go so far as to say he loved this man. Though, he couldn't quite distinguish if this affection was truly his own, or if it was merely a byproduct of the strong connection his counterpart had forged with this man in the other reality.
...not that it made a difference in the way that he felt...
“That's fascinating.” The man responded a bit dryly. “And you seem well informed,” He made this observation with the way Dazai had known both his favorite drink and his name. “Then I assume you're already aware of why I asked to meet with you.”
“Oh, I'm pretty sure I have an idea.” Dazai lightly hummed in amusement as he began to swirl what was left of the whiskey in his glass. “But by all means, do enlighten me.”
“Before we go any further,” This came murmured from the bar-stool beside him. “I want to make absolutely certain that we're alone, as per my request.” The man noticeably eyed the untouched tomato juice that had been placed next to the empty stool on the other side of Dazai before that gaze flit back towards him. “Were you expecting someone else..?"
Dazai openly sniggered at this, gazing at what was left of his drink before finishing it in one swallow. So much for reunions of old friends that never were-he bitterly thought to himself. Perhaps he'd held out too much hope for this little meeting. Setting down the glass onto the counter, he lent himself over to a sigh through his nose.
“Well, I'm sure the Chibikko is lurking just outside somewhere like a gremlin, keeping an eye on me.” He said a bit sardonically in amusement, because-save for the bathroom-it seemed as if Chuuya had taken to following him absolutely everywhere like the good little dog he was. “Short guy. Bright red hair. Wearing one of those ugly hats, no doubt. You probably saw him on your way in.” Dazai provided the details of this description of his subordinate for the man. “But don't worry about him. He knows better than to come in this place when I'm here.” There was silence for a moment as Dazai felt the man consider this.
“Oh..?” The sound of the man's voice seemed to distrust Dazai's statement that his henchman would remain outside. “And why is that?” He finally decided to ask, and Dazai faintly smiled at this as his gaze took in the fine grains within the bar's counter-top.
“Because he's not welcome down here.” He began in a low featherlight hum. “That-” Dazai paused a moment in his words before continuing. “and he knows that if he does, I'll stab him.”-again.
Because Dazai had actually done that before.
Granted, it had been just the once. And, sure, the whole ordeal had been a bit dramatic and juvenile on his part. He'd overreacted, and had been able to acknowledge that after the fact. But-in his defense-he'd been more than a little drunk at the time, and Chuuya knew he’d had it coming.
The slug of a man just wouldn't leave him alone. And Chuuya had crossed the line by following him down here, in the one place Dazai had. The only refuge he had to escape the suffocating truth of this reality. Where he could pretend-even for a single moment-that he was something more than a mere figment of his counterpart's imagination.
...a place where the constant, uncontrollable barrage of memories was just a little more kind, and laced in a pleasant, bittersweet nostalgia that he didn’t mind immersing himself in...
In retrospect, the little man had been damn lucky. The knife wound hadn’t been life-threatening, and a sexy little scar along his lower abdomen had been a small price for Chuuya to pay for intruding upon Dazai's one-and-only, private sanctuary. And it was a permanent reminder for the man to never set foot in this establishment again.
Dazai flagged down the bar tender for his third drink, which earned him an almost comical look of paternal disapproval which he chose to ignore. If he wanted to drink himself into oblivion, there was nothing anyone would be able to do to stop him.
“Fine.” The man that sat next to him finally responded after a long moment of consideration before beginning to explain the reason behind this requested meeting. “A member of our agency-Akutagawa, Ryūnosuke-recently went looking for you.” He said with a faint pause in his words. “Against my wishes, mind you.” He added as the barkeep brought Dazai his drink.
“Hm…” Dazai hummed to himself through a pensive tone as he held up the glass. “Akutagawa, Ryūnosuke.” He repeated this name in a slow, contemplative voice before taking a sip and placing the glass back down. “Now, why does that name sound familiar..?” A little smile flit along the corners of his lips-there and then gone again just as quickly-before it disappeared without a trace behind the rim of his glass.
“Please,” The man scoffed through the serious expression that was no doubt etched along his face as he pointedly avoided Dazai's invitation to use his name-which hurt. “It's a very poorly kept secret that your organization was responsible for abducting his sister.”
“Abduction?!” Dazai feigned surprise with the raise of his brows. “No, no-” He said, waving away this accusation with one of his hands as the other rested along his glass. “we're not involved with anything like that.” Dazai said with all of the seriousness he could muster up without a giggle as he politely smiled. “Too much of a hassle.” He assured the man sitting next to him. “You need to feed them. House them. Care for them.” Dazai gave the little twitch of the head. “And besides,” He said through a faint pause and another light sip from his glass to wet his tongue. “I'm pretty sure abducting people isn't exactly legal.”
The man was struck silent, and didn't immediately respond to this. Dazai sighed through his slender nose. Apparently, the man didn't appreciate his sense of humor. Pity. Because-in another world, another time-and-place, another reality-Odasaku would have found his goofy, childish antics somewhat charming. Funny, even. If only just a little. But then... This wasn't the Odasaku that smiled at his jokes, and had helped him relentlessly terrorize Ango into drinking with them.
...and he wasn't that Dazai, either...
“A member of our agency is missing, and he hasn't been seen for several days, now.” The man practically scolded him. “So I'd appreciate it if you'd take this conversation seriously.” And-for the very first time since he'd entered the bar-Dazai met Odasaku's disapproving gaze head on.
“I am.” He answered flatly as he stared the man down. “And I don’t appreciate being accused of a crime I haven't committed.” His dark gaze burned with the dangerous lowering of his voice as he continued. “If you're referring to Gin, Akutagawa-which I assume you are-then the ADA really ought to get their facts straight.” He said as he held the man's steady gaze. “Because-if they had-then you would have known that I hired Gin two years ago. Legitimately. As my personal secretary.” These half-truths just kept rolling off the tip of his tongue as he continued. “You'd know that I pay her an honest wage, for the honest work that she does for me.” He said, before adding. “None of this is a secret, and it’s all a matter of public record.” Dazai looked away, and back to his drink. “I have legal documentation of all of this, as proof. So anyone can find this information if they’d like to.” He said. “I may not be an honest man.” Dazai admitted to this understatement of the truth. “But I am an honest employer.” He quietly murmured to the countertop. “I treat Gin fairly.” He said. “As her employer, I care and provide for her. Which is more than she can say of this so-called brother of hers.”
“So you know more than you're telling me.” Dazai heard the man interject. “You're aware of Akutagawa, Ryūnosuke and who he is.” A faint little smile and twitch of the head came as a silent response to yet another one of this man's accusations.
“Gin only mentioned him the one time.” Dazai slowly answered as his gaze remained on his glass. “During her interview.” He said through a brief pause of consideration towards his next set of words. “She told me that she felt as if he'd abandoned her.” This parted his lips in a hushed whisper before he took a longer, deeper drink from his glass. “When she confided in me like that,” He began again, setting his glass back down. “I made her a promise that-as long as she worked for me-she'd have nothing to worry about.”
And, true to his word-despite what her brother had thought in his last moments before Dazai had executed him-Dazai had indeed taken very good care of the man’s sister, Gin Akutagawa. He’d treated her fairly, with kindness and respect, and had managed to avoid pulling her into some of the mafia’s uglier and more sorted dealings. Though a little rough around the edges due to how she’d gown up, Gin was a decent person. And Dazai genuinely wanted to help her remain that way, if it were at all possible.
Dazai stretched out a long, slender index finger as he began to absentmindedly poke at the cylindrical piece of ice in his drink-a strange little quirk he was aware that he shared with his counterpart. 'Hm...how interesting'-he mused to himself. How very odd. It wasn't normally like him to be so forthright with people. In fact-as Dazai ruminated about it while poking along the ball of ice-he couldn't recall a single moment in time since his existence that he'd actually told the truth.
He trusted Chuuya. Trusted him with his life, in fact. And yet he'd never told the man the entire truth. Not once.
The child, Atsushi, had even been pulled close to him. Yet, even Atsushi wasn't fully aware of the truth.
Dazia lied.
Dazai...was a liar.
Yet, in this moment, he felt as if he wanted to lay himself completely bare in front of this man. And it was such an odd feeling, really. To want to be this honest. Because this man was a member of the ADA. And this man was investigating him and his organization. For murder. For a murder that he had personally committed. And yet...Dazai found he still wanted to tell this man absolutely everything.
About himself.
About Akutagawa, Ryūnosuke.
...the truth about this reality...
Then-as he stopped fiddling with the ice in his glass and took another drink-Dazai quickly reasoned with himself that it was merely the whiskey that wanted to speak on his behalf.
...how rude...
“You know...” Dazai hummed. “having a derelict employee sounds like an issue with your human resource department.” He flippantly commented with a little smirk. “Your agency should really consider replacing him with someone more dependable.” He lightly sniggered before stifling it with what was left in his glass.
“Ryūnosuke was dependable.” This snap of irritation caught Dazai's attention as he listened. “And he cared deeply about his sister.” The man continued. “I know, because I was the one that saved him from the streets of Yokahama.” He said. “I was the one who brought him into the agency. He was my responsibility. And I know that the only thing he ever thought about was his sister.”
His mentor...
This man had been Ryūnosuke's mentor.
Dazai hadn't know that...
How had he not known that?!
Everything around him came crashing down in that moment as realization dawned on him. Dazai had killed this man's protégé. Dazai had murdered this man's protégé. He'd been the one to pull the trigger, and he couldn't take it back.
...there was no way that he could fix this...
“Well then.” He lent himself over to this heavy-handed sigh. “If that's the case, and you've come here looking for my help-” Dazai mumbled to the empty glass on the counter, finding himself thirsty for another. “then I'd be more than happy to offer my resources and have some of my people go look for your man.” He said with the lowering of his voice to a whisper. “You'd be surprised.” A sad little smile attractively curved the corners of his lips. “There’s nothing I can’t investigate.” A long moment of silence fell along this statement-as if the man were really considering Dazai's offer of assistance-before he finally deigned to give his response.
“I don't want your help.” The man muttered in what seemed to be growing agitation. “I want to know what you did to him.” Dazai gave the hang of his head to this.
He didn't want to answer that question just yet...
...even though he knew he'd have to, eventually...
Just...
...not yet...
No matter how painful the ending to this encounter would wind up being, Dazai wanted to sit with this man for just a little longer.
“Oda Sakunosuke.” He lightly hummed this name to himself. “That name. It just doesn't suit you, does it.” He said in a faint, contemplative hush. “It doesn't suit you at all.”
“...you killed him...” He heard the man retort.
“Hm-now let me think...” Dazai openly ignored this painful accusation as he gently tapped a finger to his chin in thought.
“Ryūnosuke confronted you about his sister, and you killed him.” The man's voice lowered and deepened into an irritated, whispered hiss. “...didn't you..?”
“I know.” Dazai hummed as if he were off in his own little world. “Odasaku.” He murmured to himself with a faint little bob of the head. “Yeah.” A fleeting, whimsical smile graced his lips. “That's it.” The smile played just a little further along his blank, empty features. “When anyone asks for your name, now you have to tell them it's Odasaku.” He declared almost triumphantly, only to have this fleeting moment of levity dashed into pieces.
“Just tell me what happened to him,” Dazai heard the man grit through his teeth. “before I use every resource the agency has at its disposal in order to expose you and find out the truth for myself.”
The cold emptiness within himself wrapped around him-as if embracing him from behind like the old friend that it was-as Dazai's head hung just a little further when he heard it whisper in his ear-lie.
"This city is a very dangerous place to be wandering alone-" Dazai spoke in a low hush. "especially at night." He said, almost musing to himself as if he'd entirely forgotten the man sitting next to him. "People turn up missing all the time." This languidly drawled past the tip of his tongue-and it was true enough, in a way.
"What did you do to him..?"
“You know..?” Dazai hummed as his gaze slid closed and he rested his cheek against the palm of his hand. “You seem like a very smart man.” He said through a delicate lilt shaped by the helpless little smirk that graced his lips without his approval. “So I have a feeling you know exactly what happened to him.”
Though Dazai had said nothing at all to openly incriminate himself, he believed this man was capable of reading between the lines. He doubted that Akutagawa's body would ever be found. And if it were?-there would be no way for the Armed Detective Agency, or the authorities, to tie him or the Port Mafia to the 'supposed' crime. It was all conjecture. All hearsay. But perhaps, by having just confirmed what this man had already suspected from the very beginning of this meeting, Dazai could bring him some semblance of closure. It was the least that he could do for his beloved Odasaku.
...not that he didn't want to do more...
Not that he didn't want to admit to absolutely everything he'd done.
And..? What if he did just that? What if he told Odasaku the truth? The truth about what he'd done to Akutagawa. The truth about this altered reality. Maybe... Maybe, if Dazai just told the truth-for once in his miserable life-and explained everything to Odasaku, then perhaps the man might actually understand. And if he were able to explain, and if Odasaku were able to fully understand, then maybe...
...maybe-in this timeline-they could be friends..?
Dazai so desperately wanted to be this man's friend.
“I understand that you're a writer, and enjoy stories...” He murmured in a hushed whisper as he gazed at what was left of the ice melting in his glass. “You know-” He bit along his lower lip, the truth lingering dangerously along the tip of his tongue. “as luck would have it-I just so happen to know a really funny one.” Dazai mumbled under his breath in a fragile voice before he tilted his head to look directly at the man sitting next to him as their eyes met. “Wanna hear it, Odasaku?” His gaze was dead serious, and intensely strong.
“Stop it.”
“...huh..?” Dazai blinked, registering the vivid expression of anger and disgust that shaped the man's normally stoic features. “Odasaku, listen to me. I...” The truth came bubbling up past his lips before Dazai was brutally cut off in his words.
“Don't call me Odasaku.” The man snapped at him as if he were a misbehaving child. “There's no reason for an enemy to address me in that way.”
...an enemy..?
Was that what this man saw when he looked at him?
...was that truly what he was..?
A faint inhalation of breath drew in through barely-parted lips as his gaze widened in anguish with the slight raise of his brows.
‘…wow…’-Dazai thought to himself as he was left a bit dazed and breathless with this realization, as if he'd just had the wind knocked out of him. So this was what it was like to discover you actually did have a heart, then feel it shatter into a million pieces inside of your chest. And-even though he couldn’t see it, or feel it-Dazai knew that his expression must have looked absolutely destroyed, judging by how quickly the man had turned away from him.
Odasaku abruptly stood from his seat at the bar-seemingly satisfied with the confirmation he'd received about the fate of his protégé-and Dazai did nothing to stop him.
Nothing outwardly, that was.
But-
...on the inside..?
On the inside, Dazai was screaming at the man not to leave him.
Not again...
The memories of his counterpart's eighteen-year-old self attempting to stop the 'other' Odasaku from going to his death washed over Dazai in waves.
'Don't go, Odasaku!'
...please...
...don't go...
As this memory played over in his mind, Dazai couldn't bear the thought that he'd managed to lose this man in both worlds.
It wasn't fair. His fingers curled themselves into a tight fist. It just wasn't fair. Yet he knew he had no right to feel anything over this injustice-let alone hurt.
It wasn't as if his pain mattered, anyway. Because the only thing that was important now, was that Odasaku was alive. Dazai had succeeded in his plan. He'd done it. He'd actually done it. This was the only universe in which Odasaku lived, and was free to accomplish his dream of becoming a novelist.
Feeling damp warmth blossom and bloom along the corner of his visible eye, and run cold down the length of his pale cheek, Dazai instinctively touched his face before gazing at his fingertips. And what he saw there caused an uncontrollable bubble of laughter to move through his chest as it crawled its way up his throat and out his mouth.
“Well, well. Would you look at that?” He sighed to no one as he marveled in wonder at the tears that now dampened the tips of his fingers. “It seems a part of me is still human, after all.”
-
Opening the door and stepping out onto the street, the cool night air assaulted him as it came a pleasant, sobering contrast to the stifling warmth of the bar down stairs. A light gust of wind ruffled his hair and caused his long jacket to flare out around him as he momentary stood in silence just outside of the establishment. Fishing through the pocket of his business trousers, Dazai retrieved the half-empty pack of cigarettes and removed one, placing it between his thin lips before returning the rest to his pocket.
A flash of movement from his peripheral heralded a spark of light in the darkness as a flame manifested in front of him. Dazai gave a smile with the cigarette still between his lips as he inclined his head slightly forward in order to touch the tip of it to the open flame before that flame extinguished and he was thrown back into darkness. His fingers came poised along the cigarette while he took a long, satisfying drag as he watched the paper slowly burn.
...beautiful...
Almost as beautiful as the red-haired man standing next to him.
“...Chuuya...” Dazai mumbled this name, completely unsurprised, through a hazy sigh of smoke as he caught sight of the man lighting his own cigarette.
“...Boss...” Was the gruff response he received before the man continued. “Care to tell me what's going on, here?” Dazai chortled through another drag of his cigarette before tilting his head back to the night sky to release the wisp of smoke that mingled with the fog of his breath.
“Does it matter?”
“I'm no good to you if you keep me out of the loop.” Chuuya replied curtly.
Such a simple response to Dazai's most current existential crisis.
And-of course-he was right.
Chuuya was right far more often than Dazai really wanted to give him credit for-but it was the truth.
“So are you gonna tell me?” Chuuya broke the silence by asking this through a quick, agitated drag of his own cigarette and releasing the smoke through a huff. “Or are you gonna make me guess?” Dazai chuckled goodnaturedly at this.
“Oh, that sounds like fun-” He softly purred. “I love guessing games.” He said through an empty smile as he stared at the end of his cigarette. “How about 'hot or cold'?”
Dazai took another drag of his dwindling cigarette as he took stalk of how Chuuya didn't say anything for a moment, which-in these types of situations-usually meant that the little man was planning on humoring him.
“Who was that man coming out of the bar before you?”
...ah...
That.
But just because Chuuya had decided to indulge him, that didn't exactly mean that Dazai planned on making this easy for the man.
“Ah-da-da-da.” He lightly corrected through a little smile, his gaze to the cement below him as he gave the twitch of the head. “I'm afraid you need to ask 'yes' or 'no' questions in order to avoid becoming disqualified from the game.” He said, earning him another huff from the man next to him.
“Fine.” Chuuya practically growled. “Was that guy in the bar with you from the ADA?” Dazai grinned.
...now the two of them were getting somewhere...
“Mm-” He melodically hummed as he took another hit of nicotine. “you're warm, Chuuya, dear.” He said. “So warm.”
“He was asking around about that kid you killed-” Chuuya muttered lowly in a gruff voice. “wasn't he.”
“Warmer.” Dazai quietly mumbled, finding it entertaining how the man was piecing things together.
“Shit-” He heard the man angrily curse under his breath. “Dammit, Dazai.” Chuuya hissed through his teeth. “What have you done?” and Dazai's heart fluttered at the call of his own name from the man's lips.
...just like old times...
Dazai turned his head to drink in the amusing look on Chuuya's face. The tiny man was absolutely precious when he was angry. Like a little, angry Chihuahua. Or Pomeranian. Dazai sniggered at this image as he stared at his subordinate. The man even growled like a dog.
“So?” The man continued to glare at him through those gorgeous cerulean eyes. “Why did you kill him..?” Chuuya demanded as he looked Dazai right in the eye, and this one question completely sobered the moment as they held each other's gaze.
It wasn't as if Chuuya was judging him. Not in the slightest, because Chuuya had also shot people to death-and much worse-without even blinking when they were both only teenagers. No. This had nothing to do with questioning the morality of his actions. Now that the ADA was involved, Chuuya wanted to know what logistical purpose the young man's execution had served.
...and if it'd been necessary...
Because that was who Chuuya was-and had been-for a long time: the man covering Dazai's ass. And now he wanted to know exactly how much shit was about to hit the fan. Dazai couldn't blame him.
And-given the conversation he'd just had with Odasaku-this wasn't a question that could be so easily answered. Because-now-he wasn't entirely sure that it had been necessary to kill the young man. And it wasn't like he could actually take back what he'd done, anyway-even if maybe he wanted to.
Dazai smiled.
Then he took a final drag of his cigarette without saying a word.
Discarding the end of the spent cigarette to the ground, Dazai unceremoniously snuffed it out with the bottom of his shoe-the same one that'd stepped in that kid's blood-with the faint twitch of his head.
“Sorry, Chuuya.” He quietly whispered into the night. “That wasn't a 'yes' or 'no' question.” He said through the fading of his voice and his smile. “...you lose the game...”
The game was over.
A lot of things were over.
Everything was over.
Turning his face towards the man, Dazai offered Chuuya one of the rare, kind smiles he saved up for moments like this.
“Come on, Chibikko-kun.” He said before coming a little closer to drape his arm around the smaller man's shoulder. “It's late, my ass is drunk, and it's high-time you take me to bed, don't you think..?” Chuuya rolled his eyes, though didn't make a move to shrug Dazai off of him like he normally did when Dazai behaved this way in public. “Besides-” Dazai purred before playfully nuzzling the man with his nose. “You know what a complete menace I am when I'm like this.”
“And when you're not.” Chuuya groused like an old woman.
Dazai chuckled at this pithy and amusing response before placing a chased kiss to the side of the man's head as they both moved-bodies connected-to the parked car on the street just outside of the bar.
“Let's go home.”
The End
