Chapter Text
The brittle, dew-frozen grass crunched under Jimmy's feet as he navigated his way through the old church cemetery. The wind was harsher than it usually was for the time of year, and a small amount of snow had fallen, blanketing each headstone. Jimmy hated cemeteries. He always had. Even when his grandparents had passed, he would never go to visit. He couldn't stand the thought of them lying there, dead in the ground. It never made sense to him.
He pushed his worries out of his mind however, and chose to focus on why he was there instead. He shouldn't be there at all though, he wouldn't be if he had his way. He shouldn't need to be taking flowers (which would probably be seen as a soppy gesture), to his friend's freshly covered grave. Neither of them should be there.
Jimmy spotted the bright white cross a few rows away from where he was and quickly made his way over, not wanting to dawdle. He felt his heart thumping in his chest as he reached the snow dusted soil that covered the coffin. He didn't want to get too close, yet he didn't want to leave space between them either. He left too much space for far too long.
"How the 'eck am I 'ere?" Jimmy muttered, his hands shaking at his sides. He was nervous. Not that he knew why, Thomas wasn't going to mind whether he was or not. "I wish we weren't 'ere Thomas. I wish I could've saved you." He sighed, tears already brimming in his eyes. He couldn't tear them away from his name. The way it was elegantly sprawled across the cross was kind of a testament to him. Only he could've passed as elegant.
"I told meself that I wouldn't cry, y'know. That cryin' only makes it real, and why would I want this to be real?" Jimmy sighed. "I know I ain't always been good to you Thomas, the way you 'ave to me, but I wish I could've told you how much you mean to me. I should've been there, with you. I should've listened to you instead of foolin' 'round and gettin' meself sacked. I should've wrote to you more, even if I ain't good at writin'. I should've tried, for you." By now, tears were streaming down Jimmy's cheeks and falling off his chin onto the ground but he didn't care. He didn't care if anyone saw him. He honestly didn't care at all anymore. "I-I should've came to see you, to check up on you and things. Maybe then I'd've seen that you weren't y'self." He sniffled, almost hearing Thomas criticising him for not using a hankerchief. "I didn't want to leave you there alone, not with them." He mumbled, shaking his head as he wiped his cheeks. "Why didn't I just tell you?!" He cried, dropping the flowers he was holding to hide his face in his hands.
Through his crying, Jimmy heard someone talking around him but if they had asked him anything he couldn't answer. He couldn't breathe. Sobs wracked through his body as someone took him in their arms, rubbing his back calmingly.
"It's okay. You'll be alright." Anna sighed, trying her best to calm him down. She hadn't seen him so upset before, or anyone that upset in a long while, since Mr Matthew's death. "You must remember to breathe Jimmy." She added, praying that he wouldn't have a heart attack and collapse on her right then and there.
"I'm such a bloody fool!" He cried, hating himself for not going to see Thomas earlier. For being too stubborn and uptight to tell him. "He didn't know."
"What didn't Thomas know?" She questioned, only just making out what he was trying to say through his sniffles.
"He didn't know I loved him."