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It’s been a few months since the second war ended. All For One is dead. Shigaraki was saved from his brooding master, escaping through death. Society as a whole has been in shambles since. Izuku was known worldwide as a savior and the new symbol of peace. Luckily, there had been no casualties in Class 1A. Everyone has healed, physically at least. Saving the world puts a lot of unwanted weight on your shoulders, the young heroes can attest to that.
The Todoroki family is slowly healing itself from the inside out. The eldest son, Touya, has sadly passed away and was mourned by his family. The family dealt with a lot of harsh feedback for mourning a murderer, but they chose to stay silent on the matter.
Hero society will never be the same. Opinions on heroes and their true purpose have been altered in the past few months. Some feel that heroes are still pure and necessary, others want them gone.
The young aspiring heroes in training received backlash from this. Many UA students in the hero course have taken upon the opportunity to indulge in therapy for their PTSD and negative feedback from society.
All of Class 1A were given free access to therapy due to them being on the frontlines at such a young age.
As the students continue to rebuild themselves. The leaves are changing colors and falling off. The holiday season is approaching and spirits are getting lifted.
Well, most of them.
The two students of the class who have been the most damaged were none other than; Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugou. Both of which suffered immensely from their trauma. Witnessing your best friend’s motionless corpse with a canvas of blood laying on the grass beneath him is something that scars a person for life. Better yet being the one who exploded his own heart after being mentally and physically tortured instills trauma into someone.
The young boys weren’t themselves. As if somebody scooped their souls out of their bodies and left an empty gray shell. Izuku didn’t smile and gleam with positive energy anymore. Katsuki wasn’t his usual brash self making clever retorts and jabs at his peers. The two sat in silence at social events, that’s if they even went to them. It was so unlike the duo, their ‘normal’ consisted of harmless bickering or comforting silence. The silence now was suffocating.
-
Katsuki did a lot of thinking. A lot of thinking. He had died. Katsuki had been dead for merely three minutes but those three minutes felt like an eternity. Being dead is a weird experience. You simply can’t imagine the idea of nothingness. It’s not humanly possible. Katsuki was nothing in these moments. Simply a number on a graph of, ‘How Many Casualties’. Death is like falling into cold arms that soon turns into a warm embrace. He was free from the immense pain flowing through his body, every bone and muscle felt like they were on fire.
He learned to be a lot more thankful. Katsuki would reply small ‘thank yous’ when people did things for him now. He would tell people more often how much he appreciated them, let it be through actions. a comforting hand on the shoulder of his friends when walking by each other, the ruffling of one's hair, and so on. He didn’t feel like this was enough, not enough for Izuku. So he didn’t do any of it. He and Izuku hadn’t had more than a two word conversation since before it all happened. Katsuki didn’t know what to start with.
He knew he wanted to open up fully. Let Izuku into his personal space permanently. Be completely vulnerable to him for the rest of his life. He wanted to be able to feel Izuku’s warm hands on his body. He wanted that so bad he didn’t even know how to verbalize it. Katsuki didn’t want to admit it, but he was scared. He thought Izuku was mad at him. Deep down he knew this was silly and stupid, because how could the selfless and kindhearted Izuku be mad at Katsuki for something he couldn’t control? Katsuki beat himself up everyday with his intruding thoughts of Izuku secretly hating him for what he did while he yearned for Izuku’s embrace.
Katsuki had lost against All For One. He couldn’t beat him. He gave his everything to one attack and it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t be Izuku’s symbol of victory. He failed to do that. Izuku couldn’t like him anymore? Katsuki was pathetic and a failure.
Izuku also probably hated him and didn’t forgive him. Katsuki apologized and let his wounds bleed in the rain for the boy and got no response. Izuku had never mentioned the apology not once since it happened almost half a year before. Honestly? He probably forgot about it. Izuku probably moved on past Katsuki and realized he didn’t need him anymore. Katsuki was okay with that. Hell, he deserved it. What kind of person tells the love of their life how worthless they are for their entire adolescence and expects to be forgiven almost two years later?
Not Katsuki.
He didn’t deserve Izuku. Not at all. He regrets the day he turned his cheek to that cheery little boy who just wanted to help him out the river.
But Izuku stuck around, which made the blonde furious. Who was this freckled kid who thought he was better than Katsuki? Katsuki knew Izuku was probably looking down on him, he was sure of it. Izuku ignored Katsuki’s greatest quality, his quirk. He only looked at Katsuki. Not the flashy quirk or the hero act he put on. He looked through all of that to Katsuki.
Katsuki didn’t realize all of this until recently. Words couldn’t describe how sorry he was. Izuku probably realized this too. Which leads Katsuki to think Izuku hates him. This also brought Katsuki to the conclusion that he wasn’t going to bother Izuku anymore. It was obvious, Izuku could live without him.
-
Izuku was petrified.
He had witnessed his favorite person dead. That is something you will never forget. Izuku’s nightmares plagued him with those lifeless embers in Katsuki’s face. Those eyes once filled with so much life and determination are now an empty ocean of death and pain. The soulless expression that rested upon the explosive boy’s face was unforgettable. There was no flashy smile of victory. No downturned eyebrows in the moment of concentration. It was like the confidence had slipped and he accepted his failure. His death.
Even though Mirio had informed him that the pro hero Edgeshot was currently mending Katsuki’s heart, Izuku was still in a state of sheer anger and panic. The sinister grin that laid on All For One’s face in a way of mocking Izuku was all he saw when he identified the villain’s presence.
This outraged Izuku. Who dared to ruin Katsuki like this and experience joy from it? They had to pay. This was unforgivable. Izuku lost himself on that battlefield. Nobody knew what really fueled his strength against the villain. Only Izuku and All For One. His overwhelming amount of love he had for Katsuki gave him the inhumane strength to defeat the world’s greatest threat. Izuku destroyed himself to avenge the blonde and he succeeded. He figured out that love was rooted in his gifted power and manipulated that to his advantage rather than the weakness All For One used.
After All For One was dead, along went Shigaraki. Izuku couldn’t save him. He tried though, he really did. But if someone has walked the path of evil for so long, there is only so much you can do to try and pull them back to the light. Tenko Shimura deserved to rest and be with his family.
Adrenaline still ran through Izuku’s blood and he ran to Katsuki’s body and his body crashed from exhaustion holding his limp body.
He woke up in the hospital around a month later. Izuku’s eyes were slowly adjusting to the fluorescent hospital lights as the memories fled into his brain.
His heart monitor started to beep at a great speed as the image of Katsuki on the ground replayed in his mind. Izuku was thrashing around in his bed and gasping for air.
Izuku had no idea if he was okay or not. Did he make it out alive? Izuku still had so much more to say to him. He didn’t express his forgiveness and love to Katsuki, and now it was too late.
Nurses ran into the room and held him down to the bed. One of them stuck him with a needle. He assumed that it calmed him down. That would explain the tired feeling that was coming over him as his eyelashes fluttered and his eyelids began to close. He glanced over to his left to see the steady rise and fall of someone’s chest in the same room as him. He lazily looked up to identify the face and saw familiar blonde spikes.
Izuku accepted defeat and fell into a peaceful slumber, content with the knowledge of the boy next to him.
-
It’s been a few months since the incident, but Izuku ran into a problem.
His best friend would not speak to him, let alone acknowledge his existence. It felt like middle school all over again. There was a time period before the bullying got really bad where Katsuki would just pretend Izuku didn’t exist. Izuku knew him too well by now to know that Katsuki wasn’t doing that anymore. No, Izuku had this itching feeling that something was wrong with his friend. And you’d be stupid to think that he wasn’t going to find out and help him.
It’s finally Friday and final exams just ended. Winter break started so the class took the opportunity to take it slow and relax.
As a celebration for making it through the first half of second year, Momo suggested that the class have a movie night.
Everyone agreed and took their places crammed on the couches, chairs, and on the floor with blankets. The girls set up on the floor while the guys spread out on the other seating options, some on the floor.
Of course Izuku was the last to pick a spot. The movie was already starting and he was taking his sweet time in the bathroom. The movie playing seemed like some cheesy generic Christmas movie, Izuku figured he’ll probably excuse himself halfway through and go back to his room to write.
He picked up a hobby of creative writing after the war. His therapist suggested it to Izuku to help him, ‘clear his head’ are her words. He wasn’t too sure if the writing was exactly clearing his mind because now it moves a hundred miles a minute coming up with new ideas for short stories to write. But that’s besides the point.
Izuku turned the corner and came into sight of the living room. He looked around and noticed that almost all the spots were crammed together. All but one spot on the couch. Coincidentally, the space that’s big enough to fit him was right next to Katsuki.
Tons of alarms set off in his head telling him to activate his fight or flight response. Izuku tries to avoid any awkward situations, and this one is completely unavoidable.
He takes a deep shaky breath and sits next to Katsuki. Katsuki is sitting at the edge of the couch with his elbow propped up on the arm of said couch. Izuku is sitting right next to him and to his left is Shoto.
‘This is all okay, Todoroki is next to me to keep it from being awkward.’ Izuku thinks.
He is anxiously tapping his fingers to his knees and trying to calm his nerves. Apparently he’s not being very subtle about it because Izuku hears a low gruff voice to his right.
“Calm the fuck down, Izuku.” The blonde grumbled.
Izuku does the complete opposite of what Katsuki asked him to do and starts to panic more because he fears that he made the atmosphere uncomfortable.
“Oh, sorry.” He flashes a shy smile at Katsuki.
Katsuki looks at him for a second then rolls his eyes back to the screen, shaking his head.
If you asked Izuku what the hell was going on in this movie, he’d stare at you like a deer in headlights. His mind was racing with thoughts of, “Kacchan, Kacchan, Kacchan, Kacchan-“ over and over again. One thought on top of another, suffocating himself in his own mind. His fingers were dancing together in his lap, probably tapping to an All Might theme song from his childhood. Of course it’s also something related to Katsuki.
His heart was in his ears pounding like a drum. Izuku knew what this feeling was; he was having a panic attack. His dancing fingers were stumbling and making mistakes as they got cold and clammy.
Katsuki knew him all too well. Like an alarm going off in his brain that Izuku wasn’t himself. He looked to his right and placed a hand on Izuku’s forearm.
“You okay?” He mouthed. Izuku whipped his eyes to the familiar vermillion. Trying to search for the comfort he regularly found in that ocean.
Katsuki stood up, pulling Izuku with him and out of the room when everyone else was distracted. He didn’t want to expose everyone to Izuku’s vulnerability when he knew that would only make it worse.
He walked up to his room, dragging Izuku behind him. Once he got inside, he led Izuku to sit down on his bed.
“Fucking hell.. let me go get you some water. Stay here.” Katsuki furrowed his eyebrows and walked into his bathroom; filled up a cup of water, and went back out to give it to Izuku.
Izuku’s shaky hands reached out to grasp the cup between them. He slowly brought the paper cup up to his lips and sipped the water. His stare was deadpanned beyond what was in front of him; like he was watching Katsuki’s death all over again.
Three minutes felt like three lifetimes until Izuku looked up at the blonde boy in front of him. He could see the concern laid into his face. The small crinkle in Katsuki’s forehead and scrunch of his nose when he was thinking. Izuku studied all of Katsuki’s mannerisms for years, he was practically a second half of Katsuki.
The taller boy sighed and sat down on the bed next to his shorter counterpart. He rested his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands. Fingers curling around his sandy spikes, lightly pulling on them to ease the tension going on in his mind. Maybe, if Katsuki pulled hard enough, he could rip his flaws out of him and rid himself of his lifelong mistakes.
Speaking of, that’s what he wanted to talk about.
Katsuki lifted his head out of his hands and spoke in an almost whisper, “Hey um.. De-Izuku?” He wasn’t sure if Izuku was verbal again, he hoped he was.
Izuku hummed in response and sat his cup down on the nightstand. Earlier, he had only looked into Katsuki’s eyes. Purposefully avoiding the scar he indirectly caused to litter Katsuki’s face.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
Too slow. Too slow. Too slow.
A shaky breath escaped the lips of the freckled boy and he stared at the ground between his legs. He didn’t know if he could face Katsuki again. Hell, he won a fucking war but couldn’t look at this boy without getting on his knees and screaming, begging to whatever higher power exists to release Katsuki from this hell. Izuku would do anything to make sure Katsuki is never in pain ever again. His impalement in the first war was like Izuku’s heart getting pierced with Cupid’s arrow.
When Izuku made it to that battlefield after traveling across seas, he’ll never forget the sight. The lifeless body of the boy he loves, limp on the ground, all the energy spewed out for him. Lazy fingers holding the card from their childhood as the grass blew in between the strands of hair. Ironically, Katsuki looked beautiful. Sun rays spitting through the sliver of clouds and smoke to highlight the pattern of blood on his face.
But his eyes.
Izuku will never forget. The Red Sea living inside this boy no longer had grueling tides and ferocious winds pooling through. It was still water. The only light left in them was from the Sun peaking out from the previous rain. A bittersweet moment. Katsuki hated the rain, Izuku knew this, but he hadn’t lived long enough to see the calm after the storm.
Izuku.
Someone in the comms was trying to talk to him. He couldn’t speak. Not after this.
Izuku.
Izuku!
He snapped out of his thoughts and realized the same boy he saw the corpse of was the one calling for him.
“Lost you there for a second, nerd.” Katsuki grumbled and breathed out an empty laugh. He wanted to talk to Izuku badly, but he didn’t know where to start. Maybe the fucking note he left for Katsuki after he up and went to god knows where for a month.
No, he couldn’t get mad. He wanted to talk to Izuku, not scold or yell.
“You died, Kacchan.”
All noise and movement in the room stopped. The small but hoarse voice cut daggers through the still silence.
“You died and I wasn’t fast enough- you died and I wasn’t there- you died and I couldn’t save you- you died- you died- you-“ Izuku was panicking and pulling at his hair as he gasped for air. He was getting dizzy, vision going black.
Katsuki grabbed his wrists and pulled them down.
“Hey, hey it’s okay Izuku, I’m here. I’m okay- see?” Katsuki placed his hand over Izuku’s and put it over his heart.
The small but strong muscle was contracting under Izuku’s shaking hand.
Alive.
“I’m so- so sorry.” Izuku choked out in between sobs. “I should’ve been there, but I wasn’t. I could’ve prevented all of this from happening. You wouldn’t have died.” He met Katsuki’s worried eyes. His free hand slowly lifted to caress the webbed scar across his cheek and nose. Izuku’s thumb rubbed small circles against the tight skin.
Katsuki gulped.
“You were my last thought.”
Izuku froze.
“When I-“ Katsuki’s voice shook. “When I.. died.. I was thinking of you. Only you. I was thinking about if I’d ever reach you.” He closed his eyes. “I was in so much pain. My whole body felt like I was being crushed between a fucking trash compactor. But you.. you made the pain disappear in my final moments. I’d never felt like that before. I felt complete, like I’d won at life.”
Katsuki looked over at Izuku. A soft smile aching to display itself on his lips.
“And then, when I was laying in the grass. I don’t remember much, but I know that my only concern was-“ He breathed in shakily and swallowed a cry. “If you’d be okay.”
Izuku was shell shocked. Speechless for the first time in his whole life. He looked away from Katsuki and towards the floor instead.
“I forgave you a long time ago, you know? I never really held a grudge against you either. Especially when you helped me with One For All, and took the hit for me against Shigaraki. I knew you changed.” Izuku swallowed. “I didn’t leave U.A. to save myself, I left to save you and the others. And when you brought me back, and caught me in your arms; I realized my mistake. I didn’t want to leave you ever again.”
Katsuki’s eyes widened. He’d suspected the dumbass left U.A. so he could go save innocent civilians like always. No, he led himself into a death trap so his loved ones wouldn’t be in danger.
“When you apologized, I knew you meant it way more than anything. I appreciated it more than anything. And I know you don’t expect anything to change between us, but two wars are bound to cause something to shift.” Izuku wiped a stray tear falling down his freckled cheek. “Do you still.. want change?”
Katsuki snapped his head towards Izuku. He grabbed him by the chin and kissed him.
Izuku’s eyes widened, and then he closed them. He leaned into Katsuki’s warm touch, snaking his hand up into his spikes to grip while resting his other hand on Katsuki’s shoulder.
Katsuki grabbed the back of Izuku’s neck to pull him closer, the other hand on his hip to steady him.
Soft sounds left the boys lips as they indulged in their life long desire to be in each other's arms.
Izuku pulled Katsuki down with him as he fell against the pillows. Katsuki pulled away from their kiss, gasping for air as he rested his forehead against Izuku’s.
“I think I love you.” Katsuki said against his lips.
Izuku smiled and pulled Katsuki down to his chest. The blonde laid his cheek against Izuku and rested his hand on his chest. “I think I might love you too.” Izuku runs a hand up and down Katsuki’s back, feeling for his scars.
The two finally had a dreamless sleep after so long.