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Peter is thirteen the first time he thinks there is something wrong with his family.
It’s an issue Steve and Tony have discussed at great length, a mixture of agreements and arguments that have stemmed from the first time they decided not to home school Peter. The three by no means make an unhappy family: Steve and Tony have finally found each other, and in adopting and raising Peter as their own have finally found peace, and Peter is only too happy to have a family instead of nothing but lonely nights and a cold caretaker.
But their family is decidedly different, and despite the past 70 years of advancement while Steve was under the ice, acceptance is something even Tony sometimes gets nervous about. It’s clearly not that either of them takes issue with things like gay rights, but Steve and Tony are both intimately familiar with the idea that children willalways single out those who are different, and rarely does something good come out of the attention. Steve’s experiences with bullies are terrifying at best, and Tony’s standing as a Stark have left him with impressions of both students and teachers that are neither pleasant nor positive. Tony and Steve could provide Peter’s peers with enough fodder to keep him in the spotlight for quite a while, and it’s not something either of them want.
The two decide, therefore, to share with as few people as possible exactly who Peter’s parents even are, and the principal is kind enough to oblige. The surprisingly large donation from Stark Industries surely helped, but after speaking with SHIELD, and with principal Smith, both Tony and Steve are confident that their son’s education will be a happy one, free of taunting or special treatment. On Peter’s first day, they explain the situation in as many words as a five year old might understand, and because Peter has always loved and trusted his daddies, he doesn’t even question their decision.
Peter Parker remains the quite, slightly nerdy child that doesn’t talk about his parents until Junior High, when he turns thirteen. He’s at that age where he’s finally a teenager and there’s no way that his parents know what’s best for him. It doesn’t help that despite their best efforts he’s still occasionally picked on in school because like his father, he tends to be the smartest in his class and like his pops, he can’t stand to sit around when there is social injustice happening around him.
Things have been getting worse lately, because teenage boys are still boys and there is never a reason not to pick on somebody else. Flash Thompson (he has just started calling himself ‘Flash’ and he is the coolest boy in their grade) is in the middle of telling Peter what a nobody he is when Peter breaks, and tells Flash that if he was a nobody, then he wouldn’t have been adopted by Iron Man and Captain America.
It only takes a few moments of shock before Flash is grinning and commenting on how it doesn’t change anything, because Peter has to have two sissies raise him rather than a normal family like everybody else. This shakes Peter to the core, because nothing has ever stopped Captain America or Iron Man before, and yet Flash Thompson thinks they’re complete sissies.
And he’s right, because Peter doesn’t have a normal family. His family is anything but normal.
“Dad?” Peter asks that evening, because this is an issue he feels most comfortable addressing with Tony, and because it has become the most important issue currently staining his life. Tony pauses the music blaring above him in the workshop and puts down the equipment he was working with to give Peter his full attention, because Peter addressing him in his workshop usually means something important.
“Yeah, squirt.” Tony replies, wiping his hands on a nearby rag so he can rest them on his knees as he looks at Peter.
“Dad,” Peter continues, once he meets Tony’s intense gaze, “Dad, why didn’t you marry a woman?”
Tony, for once, is at a loss for words. This is not a new conversation in the family, but it is one that has never been addressed so harshly, so negatively before. In all of Peter’s eleven years in the Stark-Rogers house, Peter has been taught nothing but love and acceptance and equality. Tony has never heard such bitterness from his son, and it is especially alarming that it comes in regards to his love life. Peter loves Tony and he loves Steve, Tony knows, and that makes his question all the more mysterious. Tony stares at Peter disbelievingly for a moment, finally choosing to stand and gently push his son towards the stairs. “I think this might be something we should talk about with Pops,” Tony answers, gripping Peter gently by the shoulder to emphasize that there is no alternative to this response.
Steve is busy in his office with paperwork of some sort, but he puts it all down as Tony and Peter invite themselves in. Tony urges Peter into one of the office seats and goes to Steve to lean in a whisper in his husband’s ear. Peter stares hard at his feet as Steve lets out a gasp at Tony’s words, and he knows that the conversation about to come is not going to be a happy one.
“Peter,” Tony finally calls, drawing his son’s attention to him and Steve, who are standing close together with their arms crossed, “Why did you want to know why I hadn’t married a woman?”
Peter takes a deep breath, and tries to think about this question. It had seemed much easier when it was just him and Dad, and he wasn’t risking hurting his Pop’s feelings. But looking at them both makes it much harder. It isn’t that he doesn’t love both of his dads, because he does, he just wants them to be more… like other families. And he isn’t sure how to translate that. “I…” he hesitates, looking back down to his feet and knotting his fingers together, “I just wanted to know why I have to have two dads, instead of a mom and a dad.” It’s the first time he hasn’t called them his daddies, and while it hurts a little he feels like it’s necessary because saying daddies has always felt like a family and that is something they are definitely not.
Both Tony and Steve are quiet for a moment, looking at Peter and trying to find the right words. “Why is this coming up, Pete?” Steve asks slowly, and Peter winces because Pete is his baby name and they’re not a family.
“Is there something wrong with two dads?” Tony adds, but Steve gives him a dark look and he uncharacteristically shuts up. Peter winces again, because he’s starting to realize that nothing he can say can really justify this question.
“I just think it might be better if we were like other families. You know, because this isn’t and that’s weird,” Peter explains, and he thinks that it’s a good explanation of his reasoning before he hears both of his dads let out a puff of air.
“Peter, your Dad and I love each other very much,” Steve reasons in response, “And I think that’s more important than being just like other families, don’t you think?”
Peter snorts, because that’s what they always say. But Steve and Tony loving each other wasn’t good enough for Flash Thompson, and it won’t be good enough when his other friends realize how weird he is. He mumbles ayeah, right because he’s not brave enough to say it to their face, but he also can’t bring himself to just let this go.
Tony and Steve both hear his disbelief, and they exchange a look over Peter’s downturned head. They both uncross their arms, struggling to find words because for them, it always has been enough. Clearly a different approach is needed, but Peter is mostly unresponsive to their reasoning and it doesn’t seem like this is going to be an issue easily handled. Tony decides to speak, and he does so with very clipped words. “Peter, there’s nothing wrong with how we work as a family. We’re both very happy with the way we’ve turned out and I don’t think any of us really believe that we need to be like everybody else to have a happy family. Are you not happy with the two of us?”
This is a big deal for Tony, Peter thinks, because his Dad has never been very good at expressing his real emotions even in regards to Peter and Steve. It’s only been recently that Tony has been able to attribute his happiness to himself, and Peter almost feels guilty countering that. Almost, but not quite because the issue still stands.
“But you’re both guys,” he continues, looking imploringly to them because he just wants them to understandwhat’s wrong with the whole situation. Tony licks his lips in frustration and Steve’s brow furrows before Steve finally speaks again.
“That shouldn’t matter as long as we’re happy,” he finally says sternly, because reasoning with Peter has not worked yet and it’s time to start reinforcing everything they’ve tried to teach the boy before now. “You’ve grown up in this house learning that, Peter, and you should know better than to think something like gender should keep a family apart.”
“You’re supposed to be with a woman!” Peter counters childishly, to both of them, because he could have either one of them as his dad as long as it’s with a mom, “We’re not a family because I don’t have a mom and you’re both pretending to be my dad! It’s wrong for you to both be my dad!” He’s never shouted this sentiment before because he’s never felt that way before, but Peter feels it stronger than ever, now. Steve and Tony both stare at him, bewildered by his outburst, and Peter continues.
“I wish I only had one Dad! Like a normal family!” he finally shouts, and both Steve and Tony share a look of shock before their faces fall. Steve looks as though something inside of him is breaking, but Tony looks livid. Peter debates running from these looks, because he can’t handle either of them and he hadn’t really intended to shout, but both Steve and Tony’s communicators go off before his dads can reply or before he can flee the room. Steve’s hurt face transforms into something more serious as he reaches to answer his while Tony continues to stare down Peter. Peter tries to get his breathing back under control, and again considers running from the office before this conversation can move forward. Now that he’s shouted it, his reasoning is considerably less sound but he’s hardly in the position to try to figure this out now.
“Fury needs us,” Steve says to Tony before Peter can make a decision, and he snaps his communicator back into his pocket before turning to Peter. “We’ll finish talking about this when we get back, okay?” he asks, and Peter nods hesitantly. Steve and Tony are gone from the office without another word and Peter flies to the living room to try to catch what he can on the local news. The Avengers are always on the news, so Peter can usually keep up with his dads even without JARVIS’s help.
There’s little coverage of today’s issues, however, because the damage is limited to a very small area of New York City but it’s so bad in the area that nobody can get into the area to cover it. News teams are hovering along the allotted safe-line but nobody dares to go in, and there is only the occasional glimpse of red or green or glowing. Peter watches with full attention as he always does, because the news is always the first place he hears about his parents’ adventures. Peter always wants to hear about the villain they are facing, and always wants to know more about the fights and who is injured and who fought bravely. It’s a reminder of his dads’ uniqueness, which he has always reveled in despite his secrecy in school and even now, when he doubts them as a family, he can’t help but feel awed by their heroics.
The Avengers finally finish the fight, and the news teams begin to cover what they can, interviewing the SHIELD agents that emerge from the rubble and eagerly awaiting the appearance the Avengers always make at the end of a long battle. But the superteam never emerges, and the agents that stop to speak with the news crews do little more than shake their heads. Peter feels a wave of dread overtake him, but Tony is landing on his normal dock and Peter rushes to him to try to find out what might be wrong.
Tony is always the first one home, although sometimes he is carrying Steve with him. Today seemed like a day that this might have been the case, because the two had to rush out of the tower, but Peter doesn’t think anything of it as he approaches his Dad to ask him about the battle. But Tony doesn’t say anything, and it is clear something is wrong because the Iron Man suit is limp as Tony’s robots move forward to remove it.
Tony seems uninjured on the inside, Peter assesses as the armor is slowly removed, but he is definitely not okay. Tony’s face is pinched as the helmet is taken off, and his face falls forward as the robots catch him in his armor. Tony’s whole body might have collapsed if not for the armor and for the robot arms slowly removing it, and Tony does hit the ground with his knees as the last of the pieces come off and disappear into the landing. He is on his hands and knees, face still pinched, when he spots Peter and waves the boy to him in a rushed, desperate motion. Peter hesitates because he’s not allowed on the Iron Man landing, but he has never seen Tony give him this terrified look before and so he runs forward and Tony takes him into the tightest embrace Peter has ever felt. Peter wonders what has hurt Tony so badly, and thinks it might be a good idea to try to ask his Papa for help.
But Steve hasn’t shown yet, and he is usually back by now. It occurs to Peter suddenly why Tony’s embrace is so tight, and why Tony is whispering Petey, Petey into his hair through his tears.
Steve isn’t coming back. His Pop isn’t going to be coming home.
You got your wish, Peter, comes his sickeningly familiar conscience, and Peter squeezes his eyes tighter and hugs his Dad closer. He wants Tony to push him away, to tell him this is all his fault because Peter is suddenly thinking of their argument before hadn’t he been the one shouting about only one dad?
I wish I only had one dad!
He’s wished his Papa out of his life, isn’t his Dad going to say something about it? Doesn’t Tony realize it’s hisfault?
Like a normal family!
Is this normal enough? He asks himself, still clinging to Tony’s shirt as his Dad clings to him and cries into his hair. Is sitting on the ground mourning the loss of a parent normal enough for Peter? Now he can pretend he’s lost his mother to car accident or one of the villain attacks or something and he’ll never have to lose his cool at school again.
But Peter has lost something much worse. He’s lost his Papa, and something inside of him tells him that he’s probably lost much of his Dad, too. Steve, Peter’s Papa, is the other half of Tony, is the love of his life, and Tony is slowly falling apart above Peter. And with a tightening of his stomach, Peter realizes how much of his own life he almost lost by pushing Steve away, how much he has lost now that Steve is actually gone. Peter pushes away from Tony and promptly retches onto the floor by their knees. Tony scoops him back up in an effort to try to ease Peter’s sudden nausea but both of them know it will do little good. Steve was always the one who handled them when they were sick, Steve was the one who knew what to do in childhood emergencies, Steve was always there, his Papa was always there —
Peter screams his name as Tony pulls him in and finally cries into his Dad’s chest. His realization that his family has been perfect, had been normal, had been everything Peter ever needed is overwhelming him because now it’s gone and they will never be normal again.
Peter is thirteen the first and last time he ever thinks that there might have been something wrong with his family.