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“Uuuuughhhh!”
With a muffled groan, Komaru fell face first onto her bed, flopping like a ragdoll. It had not been a good day - the opposite of anything and everything a good day could be, really. It’d started out nice enough - her and Toko patrolling empty streets, the sun high in the sky, a joke here and there. But then it had all gone wrong.
They’d lost people. At least a dozen kids were caught up in a nasty explosion that had Komaru’s ears still ringing, and a little over half as many adults had suffered the consequences of their violent retribution. And for what? Payback? Vengeance?
She and Toko had been in Towa City for a little over a year, or so she guesstimated. Usually they could keep casualties to a minimum, and on a few lucky days, they could even go without a single undeserved death. Adults could be talked down or outmaneuvered, kids could be coaxed or chased away. They weren't ideal solutions, but they worked, and every life spared was a victory in Komaru's book.
But it was days like these; bleak, hopeless, with too many lives lost, that made Komaru wonder what she was thinking in choosing to stay behind. What was she doing? Where had her help, her 'hope' gotten her? She sighed loudly into her mattress, not caring to quiet herself. Misery liked company, or whatever that saying was.
“What’s got you so down, Dekomaru?”
Komaru startled at Jack’s voice. Toko was fronting earlier. When did they switch? She sniffled, realizing her face was wet when she drew back to look at Jack. Seeing her surely pitiful appearance, Jack’s expression grew troubled.
"Why the long face? Is there someone I need to... teach a lesson?" she asked, seriousness morphing to terrifying bloodlust as easy as breathing. It said a lot that Komaru didn't even flinch at the clear murderous intent anymore. She just shook her head, sitting up and peering down at her lap. "What is it, then?"
"We," Komaru started, cutting herself off with a thick swallow. "We lost a lot of people today, Jack." Komaru could see at the very edge of her vision the way Jack's body stiffened. No more needed to be said. Komaru didn't really feel like talking, but she knew Jack was owed an explanation, since she and Toko didn't share memories.
“How many?” Jack asked evenly. Right, she had a thing for numbers.
“Around a dozen kids, a little over half of that in adults,” Komaru blandly answered. "More, if the ones that were nearby don't get patched up properly."
Just remembering it made her blood boil and tears prick at her eyes. The children, fearful and confused, lured to that house with toys and treats. It was supposed to be a safehouse, a place of protection. The adults only saw it as a target.
Komaru's shoulders shook, fury rising to the surface intermingled with her stark grief. Those tumultuous feelings were ice in her chest, lingering and spreading like frostbite. The anger and loss turned to an empty apathy, some kind of coping mechanism her mind supplied. It was bullshit, but at least she wasn't sobbing her eyes out like a baby at a time like this.
“I see…” Jack trailed off. Her dark cadence betrayed the very human side of Jack. She, too, felt the impact of the events earlier that day. Komaru’s hands clenched in her lap, knuckles turning white, the number of lives lost weighing heavier and heavier on her shoulders with each passing moment.
“Why did I even stay? Why did I think… I could actually change things?” Komaru wondered aloud. She bit her lip. “… Maybe I should’ve left when I had the chance.”
Her bleak admission sat in the growing quiet, leaden. Was she trying to prove something? Was it just her getting in over her head - again? Yeah, she beat a giant kaiju Monokuma, but so what? She couldn’t actually save the children or the adults, so what was the point? All her efforts were worthless, wasted.
“Komaru,” Jack’s stern tone broke Komaru out of her thoughts. Instinctively, she looked up, seeing Jack’s face, hardened, eyes staring back at her with ferocity. “You promised to stay here and help the kids and adults, didn’t you? All that talk about helping them get along, and sing kumbaya or whatever. Stupid as it was, you convinced Miss Morose and I that it might actually be possible to help them.”
“I did?” Komaru questioned. She was just some idiot, the little sister of someone much more important, inexperienced and blind to the cruelty of the world. Did she actually… manage to change Toko and Jack’s minds? How?
“Of course! I wasn’t there when you told Toko you were staying, but we share emotions, ya know? It’s only natural I’d feel the same way. You’re an idiot about some things, Komaru,” Jack stated matter-of-factly, like announcing the weather. Wow, really feeling the love. “But you weren’t - aren't about this. Toko and I, we chose… to believe in your hope.”
“My… hope…” Komaru echoed softly. Her hope. It all came back to hope; Hope’s Peak, the Ultimate Hope, giving Towa City hope. Just when, exactly, did Komaru lose sight of her own hope? How long had she been working, fighting, without really believing in what she was doing?
“But… What should I do now?” That initial hope had faded, waned like the moon. So… what now? What was left for her? What reason was there to carry on?
“Huh? Whaddya mean?” Jack asked, incredulous. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Obvious? How?” Komaru repeated, lost. Jack shook her head, tsking as she wiggled a finger at Komaru. Komaru would call her a know-it-all if she were in a better state of mind.
“You keep fighting, of course! If you don’t believe in that hope anymore, you believe in the hope that your initial hope can be realized. If you lose sight of that hope, you just keep going and believe it’ll all work out. Keep moving. That’s what hope does; it keeps going.”
Komaru blinked at Jack. She didn’t peg the ex-serial killer as the motivational speaker between her and Toko, but she was… shockingly good at it. Maybe she should take that up as a profession. Genocide Jack, Personal Life Coach. Jack also paused, words catching up with her and apparently noticing her admittedly well-done pick-me-up.
“Ugh, now I sound just like Big Mac,” she groaned dramatically, facepalming. That brought a tiny smile onto Komaru’s face. But something still gnawed at her.
“What if I just can’t bring myself to keep believing in Towa City? In the kids and adults making peace?” she prompted. Truth be told, she was already feeling lighter and more motivated than she had in a while. Komaru hadn’t noticed how hard everything had gotten until it’d just hit all at once. But she was curious what Jack's answer would be.
“That's easy. Just remember; you belong to me,” Jack replied. Komaru initially wanted to laugh, but Jack’s face and tone were soberingly serious. Instead of laughing, Komaru felt her face heat up. Did she hear that right?
“I-I’m your’s?” she repeated, voice cracking. Jack nodded decisively.
“Yep, all mine,” she affirmed. “Well, Toko’s too I guess, but still mine. So if you ever think about bailing - it’s too late. You’re already mine, so you’re stuck with me.” She crossed her arms, as if she was expecting a fight. But, being honest with herself, Komaru realized that she'd long-since accepted as much.
“I’m stuck with you, huh?" Komaru smiled, even against her embarrassment. "I could think of worse fates.”
She stood up from the bed and, holding her arms out long enough for her to back away, pulled Jack into a great big bear hug. The other girl didn’t return it, as expected, but did rest her chin on Komaru’s shoulder. Good enough.
“So don’t go thinking about leaving now, ya hear?” Jack mumbled into her neck. Komaru nodded.
“Loud and clear.”