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‘Am I dead’ is one of the first thoughts to go through Kent’s mind as he slowly regains consciousness and awareness. He can hear a faint beeping sound and the feeling of warmth enclosing his left hand. The clouds and darkness begin to fade from Kent’s head, which now feels a lot lighter and pain free. Now fully aware of his body and mind Kent squeezes the warmth that is around his left hand, only to feel the warmth squeeze back. “Emerson, Emerson wake up.” whispers a familiar voice into his ear. Opening his eyes he’s met with bright blue ones, ones belonging to Joseph Chandler.
“Chandler” Kent whispers gazing into the eyes of the other man, whose face looks pained and worried. “Where am I, what happened?” asks Kent a few moments later, confusion setting in as he wonders how we got to where he is and why. “You’re in hospital, Emerson. Adam kidnapped you, then tortured you for three days. You’ve been unconscious in hospital for two days.” Chandler replies gently, “He stabbed you, Emerson, you nearly died. You nearly died” he trails off at the end, his voice breaking slightly.
“What happened to Adam?” Kent asks softly, slightly squeezing the warmth in his left hand, the hand belonging to Chandler. Chandler looks Kent straight in the eyes and Kent can see anger behind them, but he doesn’t understand why. “Adam killed himself shortly after we found you, and what he did to you.” His voice is still broken slightly as he squeezes Emerson’s hand back.
Chandler continues holding Kent’s hand as the nurse and doctor come in to check Kent’s blood pressure and overall state since waking up. They raise him into a sitting position and attach a new drip to him. When they leave, Chandler moves closer to Emerson and holds his hand with both of his hands. “Emerson, when you were losing consciousness and I was trying to keep you awake, you said something.” Chandler is looking Kent in the eyes still and Kent can hear the sadness in the other man’s voice as the continues, “I don’t know how aware you were when you said it, but what you said made me rethink my entire life.”
Kent is silent for a moment as he struggles to remember what he said to the man, but he can’t think. His mind is still in darkness whenever he thinks about what’s just happened to him. “What did I say, Chandler?” Kent asks worriedly, Chandler takes a slight pause before answering Kent’s question, “You, you said ‘Chandler, I love you’” Stunned at what Chandler says, Kent looks away and attempts to move his hand away from Chandler’s, but he holds it in place. Looking back at Chandler, Kent searches in his eyes for some kind of sign that he hasn’t just ruined everything between them.
“Kent, I just want you to know that I am so sorry for everything I’ve put you through the past few months. I was upset and shocked about the death of Morgan and I blamed you for it. I hope in time that you can forgive me.” Tears begin to form with every word Chandler confesses to Kent, and as he looks down a few tears fall onto the hospital bed sheets.
Chandler’s words make the deep emotional pain in Kent’s chest reappear and tears form in his own eyes as he looks at the man in front of him. “Chandler, I have something to tell you.” Kent begins to admit, the other man slowly lifts his head up to look Kent in the eye, tears streaming down his cheeks, “What I said when I was losing consciousness, it’s true.” Both men look into each others eyes, “I’ve felt that way since you first entered the office. I thought it was just me idolizing you, but my feelings for you started to grow and I couldn’t help but fall in love with you. I never said or acted on anything for fear of you rejecting me and ruining the friendship we had built.” Chandler sits in silence as Kent continues talking, tears still rolling down his cheeks.
“But when Lizzie, DI Norroy and Morgan entered your life, this overwhelming feeling of jealousy hit me and I knew nothing could ever happen between us. But when Morgan died, all I could think was how much you blamed me and how much I blamed myself.” Kent looks away from Chandler down to his thighs, shame spreads across his face, “I blamed myself so much that I thought you hated me, so I started to hurt myself. It helped me cope with my feelings for you and how much I thought you detested me.”
Chandler looks stunned and loosens his grip on Kent’s hand, “Kent, what do you mean you hurt yourself?” Turning his head away completely from Chandler and removing his hand from his grip, he pulls the covers down over his legs and pulls the hospital gown up to reveal the scars and cuts on his thighs. He can hear Chandler gasp in shock, “Adam didn’t do this to me, I did.” He confesses. Pulling the gown back over his legs and pulling the covers back up, Kent rolls slightly onto his side, facing away from Chandler.
“I, I have to go.” Chandler murmurs, standing up taking one last look at Kent as he walks out the hospital room. Once Kent knows Chandler has gone, he break down completely, allowing the tears to flow freely as he cries into his pillow.
***
Two weeks later, Kent is finally released from hospital with the all clear from his Doctor. Chandler hasn’t visited Kent since his revelation to him about his cuts, but he knew that it was expected. Riley came to pick him up and drive him home, she came round every day after work to make him dinner. Miles, Mansell and Buchan visited occasionally, but he was thankful they showed up nonetheless.
It’s a Sunday and Kent’s been off work for a week when he hears his doorbell rang, it couldn’t have been Riley as he’d given her a spare key to get into his flat. Slowly getting out of his bed, being careful not to disturb the stiches in his abdomen, he gently walks to the front door and opens it. Standing in front of him with a bunch of red and white flowers is Chandler, “I thought we could talk, and I’d make you dinner if you want me too?”
“I’d like that very much” Kent replies, smiling slightly as he lets Chandler in and accepts the flowers. Kent closes the door, but the two men stand staring at one another until Chandler leans forwards and places the lightest of kisses on Kent’s lips. Leaning back again, Kent can see Chandler smiling, the happiest they’ve seen one another in over three months.