Chapter Text
“We’re over Ted, I mean it this time!” This was at least the seventh time Charlotte had said some variation of this before kicking him out of her bedroom at 1 am. Then he would spend the next few days giving her the silent treatment, her shitty husband would call her by the name of whatever floozy was giving him the time of day, and then Charlotte would come crawling back to him within a week.
The problem is that it had been two weeks since she said it this time. Two weeks and about 10 hours by the time Ted walked into work that morning. He looked over towards the reception desk of the CCRP, and there she was. Clickety clacking away at her oh so important keyboard, yet somehow unable to find the time to text him anything. God damn Charlotte.
Ever since Melissa disappeared last month and Charlotte got ‘promoted’ from tech department to office manager, he had tried to make himself look somewhat nice before walking to his desk. Now he didn’t give a shit about what she thought of him. Yet, he straightened his tie before walking past her, ignoring that he missed a button on his shirt that morning.
“Ted!” she called out as he ‘confidently’ strode past her.
She said his name. She wants to apologize for ignoring him and then tell him all about what awful thing Sammy did to her this time. She realized what an idiot she was being. How could she not recognize how good Ted was to her?
He turned, ready to hear her out, when she rudely shoved a clipboard into his hands. A clipboard with some sort of building sign-in sheet on it, for some reason. This was the weirdest apology he’d ever heard, although he hadn’t heard all that many. Before he could even get a confused look in, she explained, “Mr.Davidson asked me to make sure that all employees are using the sheet when they enter and leave the building, and I noticed you’re the only one who doesn’t.”
“Well obviously I would if I had known about it, do you think I’m stupid or something?” Obviously he wouldn’t have used it even if he had known about it, but if Charlotte thinks she insulted him, she’d do anything to make him feel better, right?
“This has been the policy for almost two years now, Ted. Just because Melissa didn’t enforce it doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. And no, I don’t think you’re stupid, I think you’re oblivious.” Oblivious? Him? Oh he’d be so offended if he remembered what oblivious meant. With an exaggerated eye roll for emphasis, he grabbed a half-dead pen from the cup on the desk and signed his name, writing that he got in at 8:45, as he usually put on his timecards.
He generously placed the board back in her hands, giving her a sarcastic smile before turning to head to his desk.
Charlotte sighed, and said louder than she probably needed to,“Ted it’s 11:09. The line before this shows Paul coming back from a coffee run at 10:43. Try harder next time.”
He tried hard to hold his anger back right now, but he guessed he would once again try harder next time. “What is your fucking problem Char?” Ted barked back, definitely louder than he needed to, drawing the eyes of a few of his coworkers. Quieter this time, he continued, “What do you want me to do? Show up with flowers? Chocolates? Some dumb fucking note cards like the guy in whatever dumb movie you made us watch last year?”
Charlotte took a deep breath, counting out each moment on her fingers before responding. “What I want, Theodore, is for you to show up to work on time and follow company guidelines. I am the office manager now, I am your coworker, and that is all we are to each other. Not that it is any of your business, but since I know you will not let this go, my counselor is encouraging me to give my marriage my full attention and I will not step out on Sam anymore. Neither you nor Sam have been very good to me, but he’s shown me lately that he’s been willing to change, unlike you. You have not shown me you deserve to be my…friend, so all I want from you right now is to just be professional, Mr.Spankoffski.”
She fidgeted with her wedding ring, seemingly about to say more, before sitting back down at her desk and click-clacking away on her keyboard again. Dumbfounded, Ted took the hint and stomped over to his cubicle.
What did she mean he hadn’t been very good to her? He was there every night Sam had a “late shift.” He was there every time she wanted to complain about some new dating app she found on his phone. Hell, he was even there when her cat died after running out into the street! He was right there in his car. He might not have said much of anything all of those times, but he was there, wasn’t he? Didn’t that count for something?
He had to show Little Miss Perfect Wife that he was a good friend, someone she could trust, someone she should let into her bedroom again. If she won’t let him show her directly, then he’ll just have to demonstrate this for her, be such a good friend to someone else that she begs for him to come back. It has to be someone they work with, so he can rub it in her face every day. Hell, maybe he’ll come in on time just to see the look on her face when he and his new best friend are palling it up.
Ted looked around, tapping the pen he forgot to put back, remembering that his options were limited. There was Bill, but he couldn’t stop talking about his ex-wife, and who wants to hear someone bitch about that? There was Mr.Davidson, now that guy could party. However, that guy was also his boss, and Ted was oblivious but he wasn’t stupid, so he threw that idea out. Melissa’s not coming back any time soon at this rate, and even if she was he was on strike 2 with HR, so that was out of the question.
As he kept looking, his plan falling apart with each glance, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around, coming face to face with his cubicle neighbor, Paul.
“Will you stop tapping your pen? I’m trying to get work done.” Ted let the pen drop on the table, so lost in thought he forgot to not say sorry. He looked over at his neighbor, then took a last scan of the room. Paul would do. Paul would work just fine for his plan. In fact, Paul would be perfect.