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No, he wasn't heartless. Was he a bad person? No, that’s not what he would say. He would simply say his love was… different. He never expressed it. Sanemi would always stand from afar trying to protect the few people he cared about. Protect from what? The dangerous people. The horrid university students, people who wander the streets around at night, looking for trouble. The one person he considered his friend, his brother who was starting high school, his love. Sanemi was stupid to fall in love with the one person his friend hated. Why? Even he wasn't sure why Obanai hated Giyuu. He just remembers with the other, late at night walking home when the eyes met his and simply said ‘I hate him’ Instead of arguing and asking why he replied ‘Same, it’s his attitude’. The shorter guy narrowed his eyes, staring at him before walking further.
It was strange.
Every so often Obanai would repeat those words, Sanemi always continued to reply with similar things until one day in school the raven-nette asked him if he was sure. That built rage inside of him, and he busted out saying awful things, which got Obanai to look away as he didn't look at him.
“Why is your face like that?”
His eyes looked at him, “I don’t hate him,” he admitted, “Kanjiro made me spend time with him. He isn't bad. Giyuu is-”
Sanemi slammed his fist onto the table making the other jump. “I don’t give a shit.”
“You know Genya is friends with Tomioka-”
“Shut the fuck up. I don’t give a shit about that piece of shit of a brother.” Sanemi screamed, “If you can a fuck about those idiots leave. Seems like that bitch of a girlfriend fucked with your mind.”
His face shifted to the left as his face burned from the connection. His violet eyes widened at the interaction. Obanai’s eyes filled with rage as he stood up and finger-pointed at his childhood friend.
“Kanjiro is not a bitch. You know you care about Genya and Tomioka, I gave you chances to admit but,” his voice filled with venom as he warned the other, “if you continue this, it will explode in your face. However, I'm not gonna stand here to watch it happen. I'm telling you this because I care for you. Stop this way of ‘caring’ before it destroys the people around you. Until you change I'm not gonna stand here. I changed for me and Kanjiro. I would rather die than see the people I care for be hurt. I suggest you do the face.”
“You already hurt the Kamado kid.”
“I did. I hate him. He is too friendly with her.” He began walking, “I'm not gonna upset Mitsuri with my actions towards others. You continue to burn the people you claim you love. I suggest you stop. Soon or later it will blow and you won't be able to stop it.”
That was three years ago. High school.
Why didn't he listen then?
Maybe it would have changed it.
“Hey, Tomioka.” The white hair male called out, making the other turn to face him. Seeing him, Giyuu began walking away, making Sanemi grab his hand. “Do you think you're better than us? Remember you're a teacher just like everyone here, no wonder every staff member hates your guts.”
“Please let me go.” The PE teacher pleaded.
Sanemi laughed, “Aw. Scared of a touch?”
Giyuu ripped his hand from him as he stared at him, breaths getting heavier. “Besides, not everyone hates me.” he walked away but was dragged face-to-face with Sanemi.
“What? Only that excuse of a man, what's his name? Sabito. Trust me.” He smirked, “Sooner or later he will leave you. Your pathetic ass. He also babysits you.” He placed his hands at the other’s body sides trapping him.
Noticing how heavily the other was breathing, Sanemi pushed him and walked away. “Don't bother coming to Uzui's party. I'll tell everyone you're not coming.” Fucking idiot.”
As he walked he could feel the way Giyuu tensed with breathing still uncontrollable. With each step he took, he wanted to run back to comfort the other but he couldn’t. Sanemi wasn’t known for that. He was heartless towards students and co-workers. Shouting, harshness, short temper. He wasn’t gonna show feelings, he didn't know how. All he knew was anger. That's what always runs in his family. His father’s anger every day, his mother’s anger when their father left. When he walked into the staff office noticing that no one was there, except Genya. He was noticing how the mohawked boy was hunched over in Gyomei’s chair with Tanjiro rubbing his back in an attempt to bring some comfort.
“Why are you brats here?”
Kamado glared at the teacher before storming towards, “Why did you do it? Do you hate Giyuu that much to do this one thing he is traumatised over? I don’t care if you’re my teacher, I have no respect for you.”
Thoughts were crashing through his mind as he stared at the teen. “What Do you mean?”
The look the teen gave him made him feel almost embarrassed. Tanjiro was bluffed as he flinched. “Did you seriously forget? I-...no. Genya, I'm sorry, I'm gonna go before I will headbutt your brother.”
Storming out of the room as it was slammed with a bang, his brother looked up with fear. Sanemi strides over and kneels grabbing Genya’s hand roughly, making the other whine. “What happened to Tomioka?” with no reply Sanemi snitched him harder as his brother winced in pain. “I’m telling you, tell! If you don’t I swear-”
“Tomioka had a breakdown.”
“Why?” Sanemi growled, “If you don't tell ill-”
“Nii-chan,” Tears began to fill his vision but the white-haired male didn't let go. “It hurts, please let me go.”
“Oh, why?” making the younger stand up as tears fell down his face, as anger filled him. “I just asked, why Tomioka had a breakdown. And you what? Once like a little child, because what you cut yourself? No. I don’t care. You could die and I would be thrilled.”
He noticed the way Genya's eyes widened as he stifled, Sanemi felt regretting the words that escaped his mouth. But it was too late. His brother was crying, and Sanemi felt his heart breaking at the reaction he caused out of his brother. He couldn't fix it, no words would fix this.
“Really?”
“Yes.” No he didn’t.
Genya nodded as he ran out of the room, leaving him alone. Sanemi had no idea what he was even thinking during this interaction. The amount of pain he caused to the two people he cared for the most. His actions don’t reflect his feelings, he loved Giyuu and yet he didn’t know anything. What he did today, clearly was a reaction to trauma. He remembered when he meant the blue-eyed male, how the other smiled up at Sanemi, with that smile which instantly made him fall head over heels. Genya, the younger brother, looked up at him in every way. Always helped him and wanted to do everything Sanemi did. Always was smiling ear to ear at him, which time he saw him. Now hated him. Maybe not hate him. Standing still for however long he was in one place thinking about everything he did.
“Sanemi.” He heard Obanai from the door with Gyomei standing behind him.
Sanemi noticed the way Gyomei’s eyes narrowed, “Shinazugawa, where is Genya?”
Obanai moved towards him as he tilted his head and he realised the fury that filled his heterochromia eyes. “The fuck you have done to Genya as well?”
“Iguro, please calm down.” the elder man tried to stop him from doing anything. “Don’t hurt your colleague.”
The black-haired male shook his head with eyes full of anger as he turned and stormed out leaving Sanemi with Himajima. Gyomei moved closer and towered over him, he never felt uncomfortable around the older, however, at this moment he realised the way Gyomei looked angry and even worried.
“What’s going on?” Sanemi questioned,
“I was going to talk with young Shinazugawa about his mental health.” Gyomei said, “But I realised he is not here.”
He didn't answer as he looked at the ground questioning everything that had been running through his entire mind, “Is Tomioka okay?”
Gyomei sighed, “I’m afraid I was asked not to speak about it by him. I perhaps I think you should not speak with him.”
With that, he walked out of the room leaving Sanemi all alone. Everything started to rush into him, all of it made sense. He destroyed important things,
his friendship with Obanai, his relationship with Genya, and any future he could’ve built with Giyuu. Now crumbled beneath his feet, watching the entire day. Why? Why did he think it was okay? He could have stopped everything, and not destroyed his whole life. It was over, he destroyed everything. Nothing was left.
After hours of finishing at school, marking and packing his things, ready to leave the building and put the whole day behind him. Only as he was leaving did he notice Tomioka putting boxes into the back of his car, Sanemi sped up as he locked eyes with the deep blue eyes. Giyuu noticed and attempted to get inside the car but a hand was placed blocking any possibility to get away.
“Tomioka,” Sanemi breathed out, “What is happening?”
Fear filled the blue eyes as he looked away, “I’m changing jobs. I going to work in a different school with my sister in our home town.”
“Why?” Please don’t. Don’t leave.
“I’m not gonna be here.” Giyuu managed to say. “I begged everyone the day I started, you were there, not to touch me specifically block my excess to move away because of trauma you did. It might be dramatic but you did that.”
Sanemi opened his mouth but was cut off by Giyuu. “I’m trying to heal but what you did was a step back because I'm still in the town that I was raped in and I'm moving back home to start over.”
“No please don’t.” Sanemi began to beg, “Giyuu please, don’t. I…I…Love you.”
The ravenette huffed as laughs escaped. “I loved you too. Sometimes love isn’t enough. If what you are doing is actions of love, then I’m afraid I don't want it. Now please leave me alone. Maybe if you ever learn to love, you might get what you want.”
With that, the door slammed leaving him once again standing by himself withwind brushing past his shoulders as street lamps lit the pathway as Sanemi drove home. Driving home, thoughts and guilt ran through his body making him shake as he tried to stop tears from escaping him. Opening the door to pure silence as lights were turned on, his sibling and mum were sitting in the living room, tears streaming down their faces as mum was sobbing loudly.
“Mum.” Sanemi whispered loud enough to cause everyone to look at them, “What's going on?” he kneeled in front of her holding her hands.
“Genya…” She managed to stumble out as she cried harder, Sanemi rubbed her hands carefully trying to comfort her but failing miserably. “Genya gone.”
His eyes widen as the words connect in his brain, shock fields his vision as he shakes his head, “No. Genya isn’t, no he has shooting today.”
His mum shook her head, “He jumped off the bridge. He was rushed to hospital and they pronounced him dead. They just called.”
Everything in the room stopped. Silence. His sibling crying as his mother broke down.
“My baby… he is dead. Why? Genya is dead.” His mother cried shaking her entire body as she was sobbing.
Sanemi was shocked. Everything was silent as the world stopped. Tears filled his vision as they streamed down his face.
Everything gone.
All of it crushed in front of him.
He ruined it.
Nothing.
Numbness.
Pain.
Words ran through his mind.
“You continue to burn the people you claim you love. I suggest you stop. Soon or later it will blow and you won't be able to stop it.”
Obanai was right.
Sanemi ruined everything he loved.