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Hello once again to all the people who skipped to this point. Fuck yourself.
Now that we've scientifically proven that Mr Bean could, in fact, kill Superman, why stop there?
Goku
It's a question as old as time — if you claim a certain character to be powerful, there'll always be that one person in the back asking: "Can they beat Goku, though?"
In case you haven't watched Dragon Ball, Goku is immensely powerful. He's one of the most powerful beings in the Multiverse. His power level has reached 150 million... whatever the fuck that means. So how can Mr Bean defeat a being of such indomitable strength?
Well, Goku does have a couple of weaknesses. First, he's rather naive, so it's quite easy to catch him off-guard. He's also got a severe phobia of needles, but this was only really added in the anime, and never mentioned in the original manga, so I'm not sure if it counts.
What some people overlook, however, is his vulnerability to laxatives.
In the episode "Goku VS Sky Dragon", Goku is betrayed by one of his friends, who spikes his food with laxatives. This gives Goku severe stomach problems during one of his battles, and he gets the shit kicked out of him.
Funnily enough, in the first Mr Bean movie, Mr Bean makes use of laxatives during a heist, spiking a security guard's coffee with a lethal dose of them. If Mr Bean could just catch Goku off guard, feed him laxatives by any means necessary, then Goku would just shit himself to death.
Another victory for the bean.
Wario
Wario is Mario's arch-nemesis, appearing in lots of different Super Mario games and his own titles as well, such as Wario Land, Wario's Woods, WarioWare: Smooth Moves, and Wario: Master of Disguise. You might know him from his famous catchphrase: "It's-a me, Wario!"
But don't let his charming appearance deceive you, for Wario wields superhuman strength and can even cause small earthquakes. He can also charge up his farts, which are so powerful they create a nuclear explosion. What's more, in the game manual for Wario Land 2, Wario states that he is immortal. This is simply because he just doesn't feel like dying.
However, Wario's intelligence is not on par with his level of strength, which means he is easily tricked by others. He is easily influenced by money, or getting revenge against Mario, so much so that he'll turn a blind eye to common sense and self-preservation.
Mr Bean could just convince Wario that he does want to die, thus removing his immortality, and Wario's rage makes him very oblivious to his surroundings, so Mr Bean could easily sneak up on him and take him out.
Popeye
Popeye is another one of these characters protected by cartoon logic; he eats a can of spinach, and suddenly he's immortal, he can move at near lightspeed, flying to the moon in, like, under 2 seconds. It seems like Mr Bean has met his match.
Unfortunately for Popeye, his weakness comes from the reliance on the very thing that gives him power. Mr Bean would just have to eat all the spinach in the world, thus depriving Popeye of his power source.
Now, don't get me wrong, this is a near-impossible task that would take years to accomplish. But, as we've seen before, Mr Bean will go to great lengths to accomplish his goals, and he has the power of luck on his side.
After that, Mr Bean could probably just take him out with a gun.
Lebron James
Lebron James is considered one of the greatest basketball players of all time. He's in the top tier of athletes in the world.
But the Olympics is a competition consisting of the greatest athletes in the world.
Mr Bean famously won the olympics in London 2012.
Lebron James has never won the Olympics.
Mr Bean wins.
The rat from Avengers Endgame
If you're one of the two people who haven't seen Avengers Endgame, a random rat steps on the button which releases Ant Man from the Quantum Realm, who in turn provides the necessary knowledge for the Avengers to beat Thanos, thus resurrecting half the universe.
But despite the rat indirectly saving trillions of people, Mr Bean would still eviscerate it without a second thought.
It looks like a common brown rat, or "rattus norvegicus" for the taxonomists out there, so there's nothing remotely special about it, and, as shown before, Mr Bean takes a particular liking to killing rodents. So he'd likely come up with some twisted Saw trap maze for the rat to crawl around.
Manny Heffley, for... fuck's sake...
Manny is the younger brother of the main character Greg Heffley in the book/actually fucking masterpiece of a movie series "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". Manny is an annoying little shit and words cannot describe the collective hatred everyone who knows this series feels towards him.
However, like Mr Bean, Manny also pulls a series of complete miracles from out of nowhere, leading people to believe he's some being of godlike intelligence. Manny is only three years old, and yet can build an entire house on his own, speak fluent Spanish, and is a genius entrepreneur.
But, like Manny, Mr Bean is also a master architect. He's pretty much created his own version of English, which should really be considered its own language at this point. One only needs to watch a single Mr Bean episode to see that his intelligence is at least equal to Manny's. Also, Manny is a kid, and as we've established before, Mr Bean is a... he's quite good at defeating kids in close combat.
Mr Bean wins, even if he wouldn't actually have fucking won, I just... fucking hate Manny so much!
1 billion lions
Here's the thing: I'm very passionate about any sort of question like this that involves lions. My favourite thing to ask people is "Who would win: an infinite number of lions, or the Sun?"
The correct answer is the lions, obviously, because while the lions would keep burning up in the Sun, they will just... outlive the Sun. They're infinite! The Sun's gonna explode in 5 billion years; the lions have got all the time in the world.
"Oh, but, uh, wouldn't the hydrogen atoms inside the lions keep fueling the Sun so it keeps getting more powerful and therefore would actually never die?"
Yeah, but the lions are infinite, and would therefore outlive the death of the universe, including the Sun. In fact, the lions would keep going beyond that, illogically existing in the infinite nothingness of the dead universe.
OK, so let's change the question to Mr Bean VS infinite lions, because that's more interesting.
1 billion lions Infinite lions
As established, the lions can win against the anything, because they're infinite. They're just that fucking awesome. But as we've also established, Mr Bean is just as infinite as the lions, and so what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
They surrender. No winner.
SCP-3812
SCP is a fictional universe, but not in the traditional sense that it's created by one or a few people, but instead anyone can add to it. It's a collaborative writing project, reporting on creepy phenomena, and, because it's written by so many people, the narrative is really just what you choose to believe.
In this case, SCP-3812 is a mysterious entity of incalculable power, capable of altering reality. The way that it works, or the way I understand it at least, is that 3812 can transcend stacked universes. To explain what this means, let's take the Mr Bean show.
First we have our universe, the "real world", in which you're reading this work. Then we have the Mr Bean universe; this universe is placed under our own, because to us it's fiction. Our universe controls the narrative of Mr Bean's universe. Then, let's say, Mr Bean has a show that he likes to watch. That show is a fictional universe within the Mr Bean universe, so it's placed under it, and then maybe the people in that universe also watch their favourite show, and then it keeps going infinitely.
But how do we know that our universe is at the top? Sure, from our point of view, we're real, but from Mr Bean's point of view, he's real too. So maybe we're a fictional universe that is below another universe, and so on and so on, going infinitely in the other direction. 3812 can move between these narratives, bend them to its will and destroy them.
Let's say it's fighting Mr Bean in his universe— oh. Suddenly Mr Bean is fiction and 3812 is instantly more powerful. It can then travel up the infinite ladder of stacked universes, so if it's fighting God, then it can just ascend to a narrative higher than God.
It's a very broken power, and very fucking annoying, actually. If you're debating any fight in which it's involved, it can just go up another level, and it wins automatically. It's like that kid in school who, when you're play-fighting and you hit him with a sword, he'd say "Oh, I have anti-sword armour!", and you'd pour lava on him and he'd go "Uh, I have anti-lava armour!"
And then you start bashing his fucking skull in——
OK, so how in the flying hell would Mr Bean beat such a being if it can supposedly surpass all of fiction? Well, that's just it.
It's original author stated on Twitter that 3812 is just a piece of fiction, and canonically it's however strong or weak as you want it to be. At the end of the day, SCP, like any writing or form of art, is whatever you choose to believe.
Let's add an entry to the SCP Wiki:
SCP-081276 (alex lennen's birthday)
Mr Bean
Abilities: can beat SCP-3812
How easy is that?
Mr Bean beats Superman and all of these other characters because I say he can. After an artist puts their art out into the world, it no longer belongs to just them anymore. It's whatever you choose to interpret and how it impacts you. Mr Bean is powerful, not because of his raw, untapped strength, but because of the impact he's had on others. He's inspired parents to keep their children close, he's inspired hospitals to improve their waiting times, he's a role model to you and I that maybe we don't need to have to care about what people think as much. We can do what makes us truly happy, everyone else be damned.
Ultimately, Mr Bean is art, you are art and I hope you enjoyed this example of why people shouldn't have this much free time. Fu—