Archive of Our Own

It first started when Kaveh decided to talk to a lonely-looking junior during their time in the Akademiya. His first mistake.

The boy had only stared at him when he grabbed his attention. He had ashy grey hair, and the baby fat around his cheeks signified he was probably younger.

"Well? What are you reading?" Kaveh asked with a smile, settling himself on an empty chair beside his junior. He was good at socializing even though socializing itself didn't like him, which was frustrating sometimes because it felt like there was this invisible barrier between him and other people.

"You can read the title on the front cover," the boy simply replied, his eyes not leaving the pages. Kaveh's smile widens in an attempt to keep it together.

"You're right," he manages to say, before doing just that. "Ah! A history of Fontainian machinery. I can help you with that if that's part of your homework, you know. I'm in Ksharehwar."

"I know, I can see the pin on your hat."

Kaveh blinks. He wonders if this kid was messing with him or something, but he brushes it off to give him the benefit of the doubt. Some people were just straightforward like that, and this Haravatat student's face betrayed no sign of malice, if not slight disinterest. He decides to trudge on, telling himself that befriending someone would be more fruitful than aimlessly trying to finish the plates he was working on.

"Ah, I see that you've noticed," Kaveh says with an easy laugh, his hand absentmindedly trailing down his messy braid. "Anyways, my offer is still up if you want to take it. You can ask me anything and I'll do my best to answer."

The younger boy seemed to consider it, his teal eyes resting heavily on him. It made Kaveh feel uneasy for some reason, like he was being appraised. He manages to smile again, just to take the edge off, and he notices as he stares back that the teal had a spot of reddish orange in it. Pretty.

"Alright," the Haravatat student suddenly says, easing up as he places the book flat on the table so Kaveh could look at it as well. "But this isn't my assignment."

"Oh. Well, it's good that you're expanding your horizons. That's why we have electives that we can choose outside of our Darshans, anyway. Maybe I could help you on your actual assignments too, since we're already here."

"I already finished them… the ones that were worth finishing, anyway."

Kaveh raises his brow at this, but he decides not to question it further. After all, he was the one procrastinating on the uninspiring homework that sat rolled up in front of him on the table.

"Before we start, what's your name?"

And they were practically stuck at the hip after that. Well, as stuck at the hip as two "genius" students from separate Darshans could be. They spent most of their free time together exchanging ideas, and it escalated to a point where they didn't need to agree to a time and place to know where they would see each other again.

Alhaitham was the cute little junior he had come to know better than other people could claim. Kaveh valued how equally they regarded each other, how they could almost meld into two halves of a whole. Words did not have to be said for the both of them to know that, and yet...

How could it all have changed during that fateful day?

~

"You're cleaning the dishes tonight, by the way. I still have blueprints to finish and it's high time you contributed your share of chores," Kaveh says as they finish dinner, standing up from his chair to collect the plates. It was an unusually cold night in Sumeru, so he made sure to cook something warm and spicy for him and his roommate.

"I would think my contribution of the house and last night's enormous tab at the tavern would have been enough," Alhaitham replies, watching Kaveh place the dishes on the sink. Still, he stands up after a while and turns on the faucet to start washing.

"That's a different issue! I'll pay you back for last night if you're really so bothered by it," Kaveh grumbles, crossing his arms. "Speaking of, I don't actually remember much of last night."

"Isn't that a normal occurrence for you?" Alhaitham says with an amused smirk.

"Oh, shut up! I was just curious. I've been drinking more heavily these days that rather than just a haze, it feels like my brain is actively blocking out memories... I might actually owe you more than I think."

Kaveh places his thumb on his chin as he tries to recall last night again. Why has he been so fixated on remembering what happened all the nights he drank before lately, anyways? Something in him could tell that something had changed since the past year, but he couldn't tell what.

"Forget about it. I split the bill with Cyno and Tighnari anyways, so it wasn't a lot," Alhaitham butts in, breaking Kaveh's line of thought. And then, a pause. "You really don't remember?"

"Am I supposed to?" Kaveh replies, a suspicious tone in his voice now as he and his roommate looked at each other. If Alhaitham betrayed anything with his body language when he shrugged to continue washing the dishes, Kaveh couldn't really tell. Normally, he'd be able to. Was his junior hiding something from him now? Was he just being paranoid for no reason?

"Didn't you say you had blueprints to finish? You've been standing there the whole time I've been washing these," Alhaitham finally says, and it snaps Kaveh back into reality once more.

"Oh yeah, I do- wait. Hold on. You can't just ignore my question like that," Kaveh says, walking closer to Alhaitham as he looks him in the eyes. The gesture makes his junior inch back like a cat that didn't want to be touched.

"Move, or we're both gonna get wet."

"You are hiding something! Did something embarrassing happen last night that I'm not aware of? Was it me who did it?" Kaveh steps back to think again, closing his eyes as if that would help wrack his brain to unearth memories. "Hm, but you're the one who seems hesitant to talk about it, and if it was something embarrassing I did, you wouldn't have hesitated to tell me in detail..."

Alhaitham audibly sighs, at a volume that surprises Kaveh.

"Are you sure you want to talk about this? Perhaps there's a reason why your mind is actively blocking out memories. That, or you just simply passed out early and I brought you home myself."

"Sound explanations, for sure. Still, my gut is telling me that there's still missing key information that you are neglecting to tell me, and I demand to know what it is."

"That doesn't sound like a very educated guess, Mr. Architect. While trusting one's gut works in one's favor sometimes due to how our biologies are hardwired on survival instinct, it's still the sort of reasoning that would get your thesis rejected by the Akademiya."

"One, I can think of multiple reasons why your attempt at deflection makes no sense. And two, don't change the subject!"

"Fine then."

Alhaitham wrings out the scrubber one final time and turns off the faucet, placing it back on its flower-shaped container (Kaveh bought it long ago even though they already had a perfectly functional one because it was pretty) with enough attitude that made the architect flinch a little.

"Let's talk."

Kaveh gulps, his eyes wary as he steps back. This was taking a much more serious turn than he'd expected.

"A-about what? Why are you saying it like that? I was just teasing-"

"No, let's talk. If we keep on tiptoeing around each other like this, I fear we might never truly understand each other's intentions," Alhaitham interjects, crossing his arms.

"Intentions?" Kaveh scoffs. "Yeah, right. Is this about me missing rent? Look, once I pay my debts off I'll gladly move out of your house. We already talked about this."

"That's not it, and you don't need to rush. I already told you that."

"Look, I'm sorry for pestering you to tell me what could have possibly happened last night. If it was nothing bad or serious, we don't need to talk about it. And anyways, I can just ask Tighnari or Cyno if I was truly curious," Kaveh says before sighing. "Though knowing them, they would just laugh at me again... the point is, you don't need to say anything. I'm sure it was nothing."

"Not... nothing," Alhaitham slowly says, his eyes narrowing a little as his finger taps idly on his arm. "I'm getting to it."

Kaveh's brows furrow. The air has gotten a lot more awkward as silence permeates the air.

"Do you remember our conversation at Lambad's... after your whole disaster with the Palace of Alcazarzaray?"

Kaveh scowls at the reminder. He really didn't need this right now.

"The one where you asked me how following my ideals had gone for me?" He asks bitterly. Alhaitham had said it matter-of-factly back then, no hint of malice, like always. But being reminded of his failures just because he was chasing his dreams grated at Kaveh. He hated that his junior had been correct, but he would do it all over again with barely any hesitation.

"Surely, you weren't too intoxicated to forget the other details after that," Alhaitham continues, raising a brow.

"Yes, I remember what we talked about when you brought me to the house. So what?" Kaveh says, grumbling.

"Remind me."

~

"Why do you even care?"

Kaveh slurs, his speech slow as his arm is draped around Alhaitham's shoulder. They walked along the streets of Sumeru in the middle of the night, and the architect silently hoped no one could see them.

"Because it bothers me."

He chuckles bitterly at the reply, moving his head to look at his junior. He had grown up incredibly well, his chiseled features highlighted by the moonlight. The exposed muscles on his arm were so well-defined that Kaveh had the passing thought of using it for a figure study. His eyes trailed down that annoyingly tight shirt, landing right onto the stomach area. Alhaitham was bending down a little to accommodate his senior's weight, and as a result his abdomen was-

No. Bad idea. Look away.

Kaveh listens to his rational thoughts (a rarity, for sure) and flicks his gaze elsewhere, trying to remember what they were supposed to be talking about.

"Like heck it does. This doesn't have anything to do with you," he scoffs, internally glad he was able to reply. He sways a little, and his junior catches him in time to keep him upright.

"No. Technically, it doesn't. Normally I wouldn't care, but in this particular instance I happen to be bothered by it," Alhaitham says, adjusting his hold on Kaveh again. "What I'm saying is that I'm just eliminating the source of my problem, which happens to be tied to you."

"What? You're blaming me for your problems now!?"

"Yes. So, please refrain from causing me any more stress."

~

"You said I was the source of your problem... and I felt bad, so I offered to pay rent," Kaveh finally says, not quite looking at the man in front of him.

"You really don't get it?"

"Get what?"

Alhaitham scoffs, almost pouting.

"For all you brag to me about how you're more emotionally intelligent, you seem to be stubbornly clueless..."

"Clueless about what? Everything seems pretty clear to me," Kaveh says confidently, even though he's already started second-guessing himself.

"You live in my house."

"Our house. I pay for rent, and I do most of the chores."

"I pay off your drinking tab, and I let you steal my wine whenever I buy any."

"Oh, please. You drink from my stash, too!"

"I communicate with you in a language both of us learned together as students whenever it's something I want to address to you directly."

"And?"

"Sure, I edited your name out of the paper after we fell out, but I never officially submitted it in the end, anyway. I lost motivation. After a bit of self-reflection, I put your name back in."

"A-as you should. I contributed just as much to that paper as you did. "

Kaveh couldn't state the fact that he had ripped his own copy of their research to shreds the day he walked out on him... and then consequently taped it back up. For what reason, he couldn't admit to himself. What he had settled on instead was that he was proud of the work he did, even if it was connected to bitter memories.

"Where in the world are you going with this, anyway? That you're better than me or something?" Kaveh continues, scowling.

A part of him starts regretting to ask. This was heading in a direction Kaveh didn't want to tread on, and further poking at it would probably end up exploding in his face... just like last time. Alhaitham wasn't making it any better by not following the usual script they went with ever since they got back into each other’s life, either. They were supposed to be bantering, not edging on dangerous territory!

"Kaveh," Alhaitham says, sounding almost exasperated. "You're not getting it."

Kaveh balls his hands into fists, his heart beating fast as he anticipates the worst. Why was he always so adamant on making things worse for himself? He takes a deep breath, already thinking about the most biting remark he can think of to make sure he can hurt Alhaitham first this time.

"Well, say it clearer!"

"I- I love you," Alhaitham stumbles over the words, unbefitting of a Haravatat graduate.

What.

"I always have," he continues in a softer voice.

Huh?

"Do with that information what you will. Good talk," Alhaitham quickly says, already having turned around and briskly walked out the door. The senior stands dumbstruck, unmoving for Kusanali knows how long as he processes what the fuck just happened.

"Alhaitham... w-wait. Alhaitham!"

~

"Hey, sorry i'm late, I had to help out the other students with-"

"Their own projects, as always."

Kaveh stops in his tracks at the unexpected tone of Alhaitham’s voice. He gently lowers the pile of papers in his hands as he looks at his research partner. He didn’t look any different, but he was looking pointedly at a book he was reading and avoiding eye contact. He knew his junior well enough to know that this meant he was upset.

"Um, yeah. You get it, right?"

"Hm, yes. I do get that our fellow classmates are falling behind in their progress compared to the two of us. What I don't get is why you insist on helping them out so much when you have nothing to do with them, and at the expense of our own research project as well."

Kaveh frowns at this. What was Alhaitham getting at? This was probably going to be a long conversation, but he decides not to sit down to prove some sort of point.

"So, I split my time between working on this thing with you and giving my classmates a boost every now and then. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that because you split your time doing something that's unnecessary and useless, it's taking us so much longer to finish our own work. Sometimes, I find myself alone in the House of Daena, forced to work on it alone because I cannot stand having our manuscripts just sit there untouched. We could have made so much progress by now."

Now, he was genuinely shocked. 

"Hold on... unnecessary? Useless?"

The Ksharehwar student gesticulates as he looks incredulously at the Haravatat student before him. The latter narrows his eyes at his book before closing it tight and finally looking back to reply.

"Yes.”

No hesitation. This was definitely gonna be a long conversation.

"You think it's useless for me to help my classmates with their work?"

"Of course. Their projects are their own responsibility, not yours."

"Well maybe it's not, but they're still my classmates. They try so hard, just as hard as we do to graduate, but they'll always be falling behind unless I help them."

"So you recognize that we're leagues above other people in terms of intellect, and yet you still insist on giving them a boost. For what? Once they're out there in the world, they can't just be asking for your help again."

‘Leagues above other people in terms of intellect’… might as well say the word Kaveh didn’t like at that point; the one annoying label that set him apart from other people and made it hard for him to truly connect with his peers.

"Because it is technically my responsibility! I have enough free time, we can finish our project in no time pretty easily, and most of all I can't just sit there and watch people struggle over something I know I can help them with."

"Right, enough free time. You wouldn't happen to explain to me where those eyebags came from, right? Or why you've looked so much more stressed lately, bringing stacks of paper around and even looking over unrelated topics when we're working on our project together?"

"That's- I- I can take it. And anyway, it isn't really affecting our own research's progress. We have a set time to meet up and I never fail to come, and I especially have not been lacking on the amount of work I contribute between the two of us."

"That isn't my point. Frankly, I think our priorities aren't aligning well enough, and you should be focusing on finishing this project and forget about your classmates."

"So if they fail, they fail? That's it? Even if they didn't need to?"

"Precisely. That's their own responsibility, like I said. It's their own fault for not being good enough, if I'm being honest."

A pause. Kaveh’s eyes haven’t blinked in a while from sheer bewilderment.

"Are you hearing yourself right now?" He finally whispers, his shoulders slack and brows furrowed. Normally he’d chalk this up to his and Alhaitham’s difference in ideology, but they’ve always been in silent agreement to accept those fundamental parts of each other. After all, they still agreed on some things. But saying it as if it was fact, as if they lived in an individualistic world devoid of the social need to rely on others… 

"I understand myself loud and clear. What about you, Kaveh, have you looked into yourself and asked why you're breaking your back for these classmates of yours?"

Kaveh’s scowl deepens. 

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that you're too much of an idealistic people-pleaser. It's a flaw in your personality that will no doubt lead to more suffering in your future."

His hands turn into fists as he feels further and further away from the mirror before him.

"Take that back," Kaveh says in a low voice, his voice shaking.

Alhaitham doesn’t. Instead, he makes it worse.

"Even if I did, it wouldn't change the fact that the statement is true."

Matter-of-fact. As if he knew everything. As if he was doing Kaveh a favor.

"... I regret ever getting to know you."

That was the last thing that Kaveh had told him then, and the very last time they had tried to be honest with each other.

~

How couldn't he have stormed off that day? He had been hurt, stung by the words of his best friend. Or, at least he thought Alhaitham was his friend. Why did he say those things? How could he?

It couldn’t have been because he cared, Kaveh would tell himself over and over. He refused to reframe the situation from that angle, no matter how many times he tossed and turned the argument in his head. After all, his pride was on the line. If it was anything else other than to insult his core personality, how could Kaveh live with himself knowing that he had essentially cut off all connection with his closest companion for nothing?

For a few years after that, the two of them managed to avoid each other, their relationship turning from sweet to sour. He couldn't resist arguing with the man in the form of academic papers and backhanded annotations in random books in the House of Daena, but other than that, the only thing the both of them agreed on was that they would never be the same again.

The next time he saw Alhaitham, he had grown up exponentially. Well, they both did, but Kaveh couldn't help but feel small in his presence, slumped over the counter at Lambad's as he explained in detail what had happened to him. It was completely his own fault, Kaveh knew that. If he was more sober, he probably would have known better than to admit these things about himself, his vulnerabilities, to the one man who'd made it clear that he didn't care about his former friend one bit. Still, Alhaitham sat beside him, his admittedly still pretty teal eyes looking into the untouched glass of alcohol. He had listened patiently, not even said a single word until it was clear Kaveh was done speaking.

When the scribe finally spoke, it was in his usually indifferent tone that Kaveh had grown to hate. But the architect realized deep inside that if he had spoken in any other way - be it smugness or, Archons forbid, pity - he would have shut down or resented him much faster.

"How has realizing your ideals gone for you?"

It was a question he couldn't answer. Up until now, he's just lodged it in the back of his mind, only to be reconsidered every time he has nothing else to think of.

He regretted nothing. He had followed his heart, and it was even acknowledged by the gods enough that he had gotten his own Vision as a result. The palace he'd built for Dori became so renowned that it even attracted tourists and travellers from all over Teyvat, all vying to see the fruits of his work - his magnum opus.

Above all, in the deep recesses of his heart, he got to reconnect with the one person he secretly wished he didn't always have to avoid. The only person who understood him, who could interpret those parts of himself that even he didn't know about. His former best friend, his mirror, the bane of his existence- the one that he, unfortunately, couldn't help but...

Ah , of course.

He regretted nothing .

"I regret nothing!"

The cold air feels especially biting outside as Kaveh shouts out in the streets, watching as Alhaitham’s form in the distance stops in its tracks. His junior’s head slightly turns, just enough so that his earpiece is facing the man behind him.

“What?” He asks, genuinely confused. Well, at least it worked to get his attention.

“I regret nothing, alright? You asked me how realizing my ideals went for me, and I couldn’t really give a clear answer back then. I’m sure you know, that I regret nothing.”

Alhaitham considers his reply for a while before turning to fully face him now. Kaveh sighs as he steps closer, every step seeming to crunch and echo within the empty streets outside of their house. Their home.

“Sure, I’m in debt. And sure, I’m suffering for it. I lost my childhood home, I have abysmal luck and I have to resort to the kindness of others to get by sometimes, and you never miss the chance to tease me about my financial situation and living with you is a total pain because you’re a terrible roommate and you have to rely on me to keep the house clean while also using your awful taste in furniture to torture my every waking moment-”

Kaveh takes a deep breath. He was getting off-track. In his defense, he wasn’t used to being honest like this… especially completely sober.

“But I regret nothing, because at the end of the day I would’ve been even more miserable had I not followed my heart. I created the building I wanted, I got Tighnari and consequently Cyno as friends, and as much as I hate to admit it… you found me. In, uh, a less than ideal situation, but you took me in anyways,” he continues, looking down to avoid Alhaitham’s piercing gaze. He was listening intently again, and Kaveh couldn’t stand the weight of it. 

“W-what I’m trying to say is, you know me. I follow my heart all the way through. And while we’ve been pretending to hate each other, I’ve obviously never truly resented you. In fact, such a thing would be impossible for me, and I’ve been burying those feelings for as long as I could because I clearly have issues. And you weren’t helping whatsoever. I just can’t help but gravitate towards you, you know? Ever since our Akademiya days. What I said before we fell out, about me regretting ever knowing you… that isn’t true. I don’t regret it at all.”

Kaveh’s gaze flickers from one space to another, his finger going up to his mouth shyly as he thinks about what to say next. He’s just been rambling nonsense at this point, hasn’t he? He should just stop beating around the bush.

"Because I... I think I like you, too, you stupid idiot."

The silence is deafening, so crushing that Kaveh could almost feel the regret coming. Was he somehow mistaken? Alhaitham had spelled it out for him, at such a painfully direct manner, but maybe he just suddenly decided to lie to him as a joke, or-

"... Stupid and idiot don’t work together in the same sentence like that."

"Oh, shut up! I'm trying to be honest for once," Kaveh says, completely broken out of his spiral as it gets replaced by annoyance.

“It’s redundant. Also, I said I love you, so the ‘too’ would technically be incorrect since you didn’t echo the same exact sentiment,” Alhaitham says with a slight smirk, hovering over Kaveh as if he didn’t know what else to do in the situation.

“Ugh, look, just-”

Kaveh takes the initiative, grabbing Alhaitham’s hands and placing them on his waist. He pulls his roommate’s face close to his gently, resting his forehead against his. They stand like that for a while, not really saying anything as they bask in each other’s presence. That, and they just didn’t really know what was supposed to happen next.

"Aren't you gonna kiss me?” Kaveh finally asks in a whisper, opening his eyes slightly to look at the man in front of him.

"Do you want me to?” Was the strained reply. 

"I'm literally an inch away from you-"

Kaveh’s eyes widen as his junior closes the gap, then he adjusts as he closes his eyes, a little overwhelmed by how he hadn’t realized how much he had wanted this. It was a little stiff, not quite perfect, but when had they ever been? They would learn - communicate, experiment, adjust - as proper scholars ought to. That’s how they started, anyways. There was romance in this, as well… 

After a few seconds, Kaveh suddenly pulls back in a panic.

"Wait, wait- we're in public, I just realized," he says in a hushed tone, placing his hand on Alhaitham’s chest as he looks around nervously.

"What, you're not planning on hiding this relationship from people like you hide the fact that we live together, are you?" Alhaitham whispers in reply, teasingly whispering right beside his senior’s ear. That cheeky bastard was already getting bolder and they haven’t even gone anywhere yet.

"A relationship is one thing, public displays of affection are another!" He stammers, his voice rising slightly in volume.

Alhaitham suddenly chuckles, a small smile gracing his lips.

"What?" Kaveh can't help but smile back, even though he's trying to look annoyed.

"You're blushing pretty hard."

"Wh- no I'm not! It's just..." Kaveh thinks he probably looks like a tomato now as he denies it more. He decides to switch tactics and zones in on Alhaitham's headphones, lifting one of the earpieces up to reveal a red tinge across his ears.

"Hah! You're no better," Kaveh says. It's his turn to look smug now.

Alhaitham’s ears somehow grow redder, putting the earpiece back in place. A small blush dusts his cheeks as he shrugs.

“Let’s… continue this inside,” The scribe says, grabbing Kaveh’s hand as he leads the way back into their home.

Slowly walking together, Kaveh trailed behind slightly to look at Alhaitham. His gaze drops to the warm hand holding his and squeezes it. He can’t help but smile as it squeezes back.

~

“You still haven’t told me what happened that night,” Kaveh says to Alhaitham in the middle of drawing a card. They were at the tavern again with Cyno and Tighnari for their monthly TCG nights. They'd make it a weekly event, but they were rarely this complete, and the scribe was especially not thrilled about socializing that often.

“It couldn’t have been anything bad. I don’t think Alhaitham would be the type for that even if you would be, Kaveh,” Tighnari says with a smile, placing a location card on the table as he prepares his attack.

“The type for what, exactly!?” Kaveh replies before groaning at the amount of damage one of his character cards receive.

“Nothing bad like that. I took him home and tucked him into bed as usual," Alhaitham butts in with a small swig of his wine. 

“There's no way that's only it. There must be something you're hesitating from telling me,” Kaveh says. Cyno looks across the three of them before resting his arms on the table.

"I'm curious as well. You're not always this hesitant about admitting something," the General Mahamatra says, his gaze landing on the scribe.

Tighnari props his chin on his hands as he leans forward to listen with reserved interest. Everyone waits with bated breath as Alhaitham turns whatever he's about to say around in his mind.

“I’ve been… practicing,” Alhaitham finally says after a while, sliding his finger idly across the wine glass in his hand.

Kaveh tilts his head at this, looking a little lost. The other two seemed to mirror his expression as well.

“I’ve been taking advantage of your drunkenness to practice my confession. I had no actual intentions of going through with it in actuality since I had a feeling it would ruin what we already had, but I suppose fate had other plans,” Alhaitham continues, leaning back in his chair and squaring his shoulders to appear composed. 

Everyone else at the table blink in unison as they absorb the new information.

“Oh, wow.”

The only thing Cyno could say about that. 

“I’m at least glad that Cyno confessed the normal way, despite his quirks…” Tighnari says with a sigh, slight concern etched on his face.

“Perhaps I should have confessed through a pun in hindsight… I suppose I was too nervous to mess it up that I couldn’t include that in my plans. Maybe the proposal…” Cyno trails off as he seriously considers it, which is definitely a mistake in Kaveh's view.

“Do not test me,” Tighnari sharply says.

"How... how long, exactly?" Kaveh asks warily, still hung up on Alhaitham's confession. Well, this confession and that.

"... About a year or so."

"Oh... wow," Cyno helpfully supplies again, this time a little slower.

"But I've been practicing by myself for much longer, ever since we became friends back in our Akademiya days."

Oh, wow. Kaveh can't fault Cyno if he says it a third time.

"You could not torture that information out of me, personally," Tighnari says, suddenly remembering they were playing a round of TCG as he picks a card from the pile.

"I can't believe it. How could I have known? You've just been keeping that to yourself?"

"I didn't know how to approach it with you. I didn't even think I'd ever like anyone in my life like that. You were my first friend, and consequently my first love."

Kaveh buries his face in his hands to avoid seeing the others' reactions. Oh, Alhaitham's bluntness was going to be much harder to live with from now on.

"Do you know I thought you hated me the whole time? And I somehow convinced myself I hated you back, too! Plus, the way you criticized everything I did-"

"I didn't agree with your self-sacrificial streak. I was worried for you and it frustrated me that you weren't listening. Besides, I'm sure you knew we didn't actually have bad blood. You were living with me, after all."

Well, Kaveh knew that now. He's been revisiting certain key moments in his life and reframing everything according to new information he's gained - mainly, that Alhaitham was in love with him and he felt the same way. Archons, even just saying it in his head was so embarrassing...

"Your turn, Kaveh," Tighnari breaks his line of thought as he takes one of his character cards out completely. 

Kaveh peeks out from his fingers to look at Alhaitham for a few seconds before swiping his drink and gulping it in one swing. He sighs at his one last remaining card on the table, his gaze flicking from the other cards on his hand and the amount of dice he has left.

"... I forfeit."

"That quickly? I'm sure you can turn it back around. You have enough dice," Cyno says, trying to peek at whatever cards he has left.

"You can win this for me, then," Kaveh says in an exasperated tone, handing off his cards to an enthusiastic Cyno.

"I will not take your trust for granted... with these cards you have left in my capable hands, I will lead you to victory!" 

Cyno does a dramatic pose that makes Kaveh loosen up enough to smile, and Tighnari turns to face him as he prepares for his next attack.

Alhaitham only seemed to be paying half of his attention, his teal eyes watching as the match progresses before flicking over to the blond man beside him. Kaveh feels flustered as he gets caught staring, looking away just as soon as his junior's lips quirk up into a small smile.

"You've been so shy these past few days," Alhaitham whispers, which makes Kaveh even redder.

"That's because you keep on saying embarrassing things!" Kaveh hisses before taking another swig of his own wine.

"Would it kill you to be more honest instead of waiting until you get yourself drunk all the time?" His junior - well, partner, apparently... says softly to him, leaning in slightly so only he could hear.

Kaveh can already feel himself getting tipsy. His eyes linger around to stare into Alhaitham's, and he can't help but feel bad as he sees the sadness in them. The last thing he wanted was to make the person he cared about feel unloved.

He leans forward, his lips almost touching his junior's, before he feels scared again and leans on his shoulder instead.

"... I'm sorry. I'm a mess," Kaveh whispers. Maybe this was another reason why he tried to avoid his feelings for so long, because he didn't think he would ever be ready for a relationship. He already ruined one back then, didn't he? And seeing his mother be so happy during her second marriage, he always felt deep down that he couldn't deserve anything like that. Not when he had other things to work on first.

"You are," Alhaitham agrees, and this makes Kaveh bite back a tear. "But that doesn't matter. Not to me."

Kaveh sinks further into him, and he can feel an arm wrap gently around him.

“I don’t want to rely on you too much.”

“You don’t. I know.”

“I’m already asking for a lot, living with you like this. Especially when you’re younger than me and I ask so much of you.”

“I’m not younger by a lot. You don’t ask too much. In fact, you don’t ask enough.”

“I’m not as impressive as everyone else thinks. I’m a shadow of my own reputation.”

“You’re a shadow of your own guilt. You know you’re good - better than the rest - but you hold yourself back.”

“I don’t deserve you. Or Cyno, or Tighnari. Or any of my other friends, really. I hate to burden you all with these problems I create for myself.”

“You said it yourself, didn’t you? People survive by relying on other people. I don’t like how much of yourself you give to others, but I just wish you applied that belief to yourself as well. You can take, Kaveh. Allow us to give.”

“Allow us to give. That’s a good one,” Cyno suddenly says, his attention shifted towards the two men across from him now. Tighnari was also staring, his expression a mix of affection and solemn sadness.

“Oh, god. I forgot we were still in public,” Kaveh says, gingerly wiping at his eyes.

“It’s alright. I don’t think anyone outside this table heard you. It might be harder to explain how much you were both leaning into each other, though,” Tighnari softly says with a smile.

“You might need something to wipe your eyes with. Who else here has t-issues ?” Cyno says.

Kaveh blinks, and Tighnari groans as Cyno prepares to speak again.

“You know, tissues. Issues. Tissues because Kaveh needs some to wipe his tears with, and issues because he was venting his frustrations out. By asking that question, I have effectively asked for both the object and for anyone else to volunteer their problems as a sort of group therapy session.”

Tighnari shoots him a glare as a final warning, and Kaveh actually chuckles a bit.

“That’s so dumb, Cyno,” Kaveh says as he leans against Alhaitham’s arm, still chuckling.

“I’ll pay the bill,” Cyno says, standing up to go to the counter.

“Can you stand?” Alhaitham asks Kaveh as Tighnari cleans the table. Kaveh looks at him with a cheeky expression.

“What if I can’t? You’ll have to carry me, won’t you?”

Alhaitham scoffs, smiling a little. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re gonna grow spoiled at this point,” he says, wrapping an arm around his senior’s waist.

“Am I going to have to endure all this from now on?” Tighnari says as he tries to look disgusted from the public display of affection, his amusement still showing through.

“Oh, please. I’ve endured enough between you and Cyno. Have you seen how jealous he used to look when we first became friends back then?” Kaveh says, rolling his eyes.

“Oh Archons, don’t remind me. His jokes doubled the amount around that time to compensate for it,” Tighnari says, shaking his head.

“I was only jealous because you found his rants about his roommate funnier than my puns,” Cyno says as he walks closer to the group, already having paid the bill.

“Jealousy is jealousy,” Alhaitham says with a shrug, and Cyno crosses his arms in reply.

“Welp, it’s getting late. Time to go,” Tighnari says, slinging the TCG bag around his shoulder.

“Thank you. For, uh, everything,” Kaveh says, stammering a little.

The forest ranger smiles, and he reaches for the architect’s hand before kissing the back of it. Kaveh blushes, his heart skipping a beat.

“We care about you, okay? Take care of yourself.”

“Tell us if Alhaitham continues to give you a hard time. I’ll make sure he regrets it,” Cyno says, though it doesn’t sound as harsh as it would have back then. Kaveh smiles at both of them.

“I feel outnumbered, suddenly,” Alhaitham says.

“Let’s go,” Kaveh says, tugging at his shirt with a grin.

As they part ways with the pair, the cold suddenly feels cozy. He walks beside his partner, arms locked together, along the almost empty streets of Sumeru as he watches their feet move in sync across the pavement. 

“Do you want to know how I carried you whenever you were intoxicated?” Alhaitham suddenly asks.

“You mean the same times as you would apparently practice your confessions to an inebriated me?” Kaveh teases, but the grin on his face is completely eradicated as he’s swept off the ground by strong arms.

He wraps his own arms around Alhaitham’s neck in a panic, blushing furiously as he’s held close against his junior’s torso.

“Yes,” Alhaitham says coolly, no doubt fully aware of what he’s doing to him.

“Lord Kusanali, give me strength…” Kaveh whispers as he buries his head against the crook of Alhaitham’s neck to hide his flustered face. “ This is how you carried me home? Among all these people!?” 

“Inebriated you didn’t seem to mind. In fact, you seemed to enjoy it,” Alhaitham teases, walking both of them home now.

Kaveh groans, but he admittedly feels safe like this. He wasn’t used to the feeling of being protected, the last time being with his father before he…

“I can put you down if you want.”

“N-no, it’s fine. It’s too late, anyways,” Kaveh stutters, already too comfortable to change the situation. Maybe it was wrong to be coddled like this at his age, but he was going to be a bit selfish for once, dammit.

“... I’m glad you were honest with me,” Alhaitham says after a while. “I know it was hard, but it’s as they say: letting go of one’s burdens can make one feel lighter.”

“I know that, of course,” Kaveh whispers. “It was just… hard to put into practice.” 

“More importantly, you do feel much lighter now than usual,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh doesn’t need to look at him to know that a smug grin was now on his face.

“Excuse me? I’ll have you know I’m not that heavy of a person in the first place! Maybe you should just work out more so you don’t struggle with my weight,” Kaveh says, scoffing before he feels his junior adjust his hold on him.

“Right. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” 

“Of course- I mean, not like whatever you meant by that!” Kaveh says, moving his head to look directly at Alhaitham. Just as he suspected, there was a teasing grin on his face.

Kaveh was about to say something else until Alhaitham leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead. His eyes widen as his thoughts buffer, his mouth hanging open.

“We’re here,” Alhaitham says, putting him down to get his keys. Kaveh watches him from the side.

The blond fiddles with his shirt a little, his gaze flicking from side to side as Alhaitham opens the door. He tugs at the man’s belt pouch before he enters, and the man looks back curiously.

“K-kiss me properly,” Kaveh says, shy but demanding. He could not tell why he was acting like this, so wildly out of character despite it being just the two of them. He thinks verbally asking for anything so intimate like kissing or holding hands will be tough for him for a long while.

Alhaitham faces him, his teal eyes speckled with reddish orange trailing along his senior’s face. He steps close, and without a word, closes the gap.

The kiss doesn’t last very long, just two lips touching, but it was so sweet that Kaveh could almost melt. He feels giddy inside as they break apart, holding Alhaitham’s hand as they walk in. It’ll get better. So much of their past was wasted, but they have enough time.

“Oh, by the way. Rent is due at the end of the month.”

“What!? But I won’t get paid until after that time!”