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Ranpo knows.
It's as simple as that. He can't say when exactly he realised what was going on, but it's not really a surprise – he is the greatest detective after all.
Their constant bickering and getting on each other's nerves (well, one of them gets on the other's a lot more often) could maybe fool someone dumb, but not him. Although, in Ranpo's opinion, it would have to be someone extremely dumb.
It's not hard to tell that two people who don't like each other wouldn't spend so much time together. And here they are, almost always at each other's sides, truly a miracle to see them apart.
But they're always arguing, they're so different. And yet, when they work together they somehow fit exactly right. One always brings the best out of the other, making their work the most effective that way.
Oh yes, they argue. A lot actually. But it's impossible not to notice the teasing smirks, soft chuckles, quiet apologies.
Just as often as they argue, they reasonably discuss encountered problems. And when they do, it seems like one mind is shared between two bodies, like they live in their own world where no one else can understand them. And they don't need that. They're just fine together.
"They're a good pair, aren't they?"
Ranpo knows. And sometimes he feels cursed with this knowledge.
Poe's sitting beside him, looking at Dazai who, on the other side of the office, is leaning over Kunikida's desk, pouting and complaining, probably about work. Kunikida looks like he's about to strangle the bandaged man, but Ranpo sees his lips curling in a smile as he shakes his head.
God, Ranpo can't believe Dazai figured out his shit before he did.
He looks at Poe – his Poe, who only smiles at him like that, who's always there beside him and who couldn't be more oblivious – and feels a small smile forming on his lips, returning his gaze to look at Dazai listening to Kunikida's annoyed voice.
"Yes" he says, too fondly for his own liking. "I guess they are."
***
Yosano sees.
She's good at reading people, it's a part of her job. That's why, when she notices more and more clues, she starts connecting them.
She notices lingering touches, at first not catching her attention. But the longer she observes, the more she notices how constant they become, how usual. Not a day goes by when she doesn't see patting on the back, standing side by side so their bodies are as close to each other as possible, brushing each other as if by accident. Later, she sees more significant touches – held hands, interwined fingers, parting only after realising they have company, leaning against one another with full trust, not caring if anyone sees.
She also sees how much they look at each other. It could fool somebody who didn't pay enough attention. At first Yosano thinks it's just an effect of irritation or a way of teasing. She starts noticing fond glances, seemingly pointless as they're directed at the person who's not looking back. After that, she sees the same glances but reciprocated. She starts becoming aware of how these two can effortlessly have an entire conversation without saying a single word. She sees how one's eyes light up or soften in the other's presence.
Yosano finally connects the dots one day, when worried Kunikida bursts into her office with visibly hurt Dazai hanging from his shoulders. Apparently their mission didn't go as smoothly as planned which resulted in Yosano seeing Kunikida – usually stoic and unshakable – so terrified and distressed that she had to call Kenji and Tanizaki to take him away so she could work peacefully.
She obviously does a great job, even while being unable to use her ability because of No Longer Human. When Dazai's state is finally better than just stable, Yosano takes a short break. As she returns and slowly approaches Dazai's room it's not as quiet as before. There are two voices talking, one definitely scolding the other, more light-hearted.
"You always make me look like such a drama queen, but you're even more dramatic than I am." She hears Dazai speak with his usual teasing tone, although it's definitely more tired than normally. "It's not like it was a very dangerous wound. You're making too much fuss about it."
Yosano walks closer to the entrance of the room, but not too close do she doesn't get noticed. Something can't let her interrupt this moment, however, it also doesn't let her leave.
Next to Dazai's bed, Kunikida's sitting on a chair, frowning. A sigh leaves his mouth. "You're so annoying." It's something she's used to hear when Kunikida's talking to Dazai. This time it's different though. It lacks irritation, instead it's surprisingly soft.
Dazai turns his head and looks at Kunikida, smiling. It's also unusal – not his regular grin that leads to one of his pranks or snarky comments. This smile is small but not unnoticeable. It seems quiet – if a smile can be quiet – but somehow incrediby meaningful.
"And yet you're still here" he says quietly, using his bandaged hand to tuck a strand of Kunikida's hair behind his ear. There's a smile on the blond's lips now, similar to Dazai's.
"I'm not going anywhere." Even whispered it's full of feelings, full of care, full of certainty. Kunikida grasps Dazai's hand and brings it to his lips. As he softly kisses his knuckles, Dazai's expression is the most open and revealing Yosano's ever seen. She can't help but smile when she turns away to leave, so she doesn't interfere the intimate moment anymore.
Well, she did have a good feeling apparently. It does make sense actually. So much sense.
***
Atsushi just kind of... feels.
He's not stupid but he's also not the fastest to catch up on some things. But when it comes to feelings he thinks he has a certain instinct.
And so he feels something's off when Dazai leaves work early one day.
Atsushi would never dare to say he's good at reading or understanding Dazai. However, the longer he knows the bandaged man, the better he gets at sensing Dazai's 'bad days'.
"Where's that bandaged bastard?" Atsushi hears an irritated voice. He looks up and there's a stack of files in front of him.
"He left ten minutes ago."
"What?" The stack lands on Dazai's desk with a loud thud, letting Kunikida finally be seen. His brows are furrowed as he looks at Atsushi expectantly. Atsushi clears his throat.
"He said something about having some work at home–"
"Bastard's slacking off again" Kunikida huffs, shaking his head. He points to the pile on the desk. "See this? It was supposed to be finished last week." Kunikida's silent for a moment, his gaze focused on the documents, but Atsushi can see that his thoughts are somewhere else. "He said he's going home?"
When Atsushi nods, Kunikida takes out his phone and starts typing a message. Atsushi clears his throat again. "I can do some of Dazai's paperwork if that would help" he says cautiously. Kunikida stops typing and looks at him.
"It's good to hear you're so eager to work but you shouldn't do someone else's work just because they're too lazy to finish it" he says and sighs quietly. Atsushi watches him rub his eyes with his hand and feels weirdly worried at how exhausted the man became in the span of few minutes. He briefly wonders what can be the reason for that, when Kunikida says "I have to leave early today. If you need something, go to Ranpo or Tanizaki. Alright?"
Atsushi nods, assuring Kunikida it's okay. He watches the man leave the office, amazed, because it's probably the first time the man has left early. But he must have a good reason for it, probably work-related. Right?
The next day Dazai's desk is still empty.
"Dazai's not coming today" Kunikida explains, noticing Atsushi's questioning gaze. Then his eyes are back on the file in front of him. "He's sick."
Atsushi nods, but doesn't miss the weird tone of Kunikida's voice. He suspects what kind of sick Dazai is, and hearing Kunikida talk like this, the blond man probably does too.
"Is there anything I should do, then?"
"If you're talking about Dazai's reports, then no. He's going to do his job when he comes back. You have your own duties."
So Atsushi goes to his own desk to take care of his own responsibilities, like it's just another normal day. However, anytime he looks up at Kunikida, the man seems different than usual. At first glance he's as focused as always, doing his job quietly. But soon Atsushi notices his fingers tapping nervously at his desk while his eyes drift off to check the time again and again. He's checking his phone way more often than normally, too, and Atsushi wonders if he's waiting for a message from a person Atsushi suspects is causing all this uneasiness in Kunikida.
And yet, Kunikida keeps filling out files – and since when does he have so many reports to write? – without saying a word, without taking a single break.
It's about three hours until their shift ends when Kunikida stands up from his desk and packs his things. "I need to leave early again, I've got some work to do" he explains when Atsushi approaches him. "Contact me only in the most important case."
Atsushi nods as Kunikida turns to leave the office. Maybe it should be worrying that the most responsible man Atsushi has ever met acts so different lately, that he keeps changing his schedule. However, Atsushi is calm, feeling that the work Kunikida has to do is really important to him. He also starts guessing what it may be.
"Kunikida" he says before he can stop himself. The blond man looks at him, raising his brows. Atsushi gulps, hesitating for a moment, but somehow sure his feeling is right. "Just...Tell Dazai I hope he gets better soon."
Kunikida's eyes widen in surprise at that, his mouth opening. He doesn't say a word at first, but he also doesn't scold Atsushi so it's a win. Finally, he lets out a breath, relaxing a little.
"I will, Atsushi. Go back to work" he says. He's not exactly smiling, but Atsushi doesn't think he imagines how his expression softens for a moment.
Dazai comes back after three days, late and already annoying Kunikida.
"But Kunikida, that's sooo much work" he whines as soon as a stack of files lands on his desk. Atsushi doesn't overlook how it's at least half the size than the one he originally saw.
"That's what you get for slacking off." Kunikida says firmly, sitting at his desk, gaze focused on the computer screen.
"How cruel, Kunikida" Dazai sighs, shaking his head, looking at Atsushi in hopes of finding some solidarity. "See what I have to go through?"
"I offered to help with some of these reports when you were absent, but Kunikida–"
"You did?" Dazai turns to Kunikida with a triumphant grin. "I told you I'm charming, and an amazing teacher and–"
"The kid is not the person who should be doing your job, bastard."
"But if he's so kind to offer–" Dazai looks at Atsushi again. "Do you still want to help me?"
"I mean, there's already much less files than originally–"
"It's just enough for your lazy ass, Dazai" Kunikida cuts in, not letting Atsushi elaborate, like it's a secret he doesn't want to be exposed. And is he blushing? No, that's something Atsushi must be imagining. "Now, get back to work instead of running that stupid mouth all the time."
Dazai whines, but complies.
During the day, Atsushi glances in his direction from time to time and ususally finds Kunikida next to Dazai, talking quietly to him (totally different than the usual scolding), looking at the reports (peacefully and patiently). And everytime Dazai's smiling, it's not his usual teasing grin, but this small fond smile.
Atsushi smiles too. He's not sure about many things yet, however, he feels this warmth inside him at the thought of certain two people caring for each other.
***
Officially, everyone finds out at the same time.
It's near the end of another day at the Agency, as normal as any other, when Dazai drops a stack of finished reports on Kunikida's desk.
"All this hard work just for you, Kunikidaaa~" he announces, leaning into the direction of the blond man who's currently rolling his eyes. "I deserve an award, don't you think?" he asks teasingly, batting his eyelashes.
And Kunikida just sighs, too tired to even be annoyed or to give the man a lecture. Instead he does something completely different. "Great job, love" he says bringing Dazai close by the hem of his shirt and kissing the bandaged man on the cheek.
And that's when the chaos starts. The quiet and peacefull agency office is immediately filled with noise.
"What the f–"
"Thank god."
"I couldn't take it any longer."
"Finally."
Kunikida gets up from his place as soon as he realises what he has done. He starts looking around at his coworkers, shaking his head, thinking of anything he could say.
"It's not–We're not–It's something–not like this" he tries to form a reasonable sentence, but keeps losing, while Dazai's standing beside him, trying not to laugh and having the time of his life. "Wait, what do you mean finally?" Kunikida asks after a moment, furrowing his brows.
"You're kinda obvious." Yosano shrugs.
"You're very obvious" Ranpo corrects.
"We all were just kind of waiting for an official confirmation" Tanizaki adds.
"We're not that obvious" Dazai finally speaks up. The silence that answers him says more than a thousand words.
"But it's not–I mean our job and–what about the President–" Kunikida starts rambling again, too shaken to even notice that said President is present in the room.
"How long has this been going on?" Fukuzawa asks, causing Kunikida to jump in surprise. He stands up straight, eyes widened not meeting Fukuzawa's gaze.
"Five months" Dazai answers. Atsushi notices how he interwines his hand with Kunikida's, getting closer to him to comfort the man.
"And you're still working as well as before, aren't you?" They nod slowly. "If your relationship doesn't affect your job then I don't have anything against it. But you should've just talked to me."
They bow their heads again while Fukuzawa goes back to his office. Dazai squeezes Kunikida's hand in reassurance and Kunikida relishes in the way the room has gone quiet. At least for a second, because–
"Five months?" Tanizaki asks, doubtfully.
"Are you kidding me?" Yosano crosses her arms on her chest.
"Yes, we've been together for five months. What's wrong with that?" Kunikida asks, all nervous and trembling again.
"We kind of thought it's been longer than that" Atsushi explains slowly.
"At least eight months" Naomi adds.
"I mean, I knew the truth, but you were acting like a married couple already." Ranpo takes out a lollipop from his mouth.
"We just figured out that you would give us the invitations to the wedding when the time comes" Yosano says looking at the two detectives, raising an eyebrow.
Kunikida listens to all of this with a bewildered expression, whereas on Dazai's face a dangerous grin starts showing.
"You mean all this time you thought we were already dating?" Kunikida finally manages to get out.
"You mean all this time I could just do this?" Dazai's hands are on Kunikida's waist, bringing him close, dipping the man and connecting their lips in a kiss that quickly becomes deep. Very deep.
"You couldn't do this then, and you can't now."
"They're going to get even worse now, aren't they?"
"I'm supportive as fuck but this is where I draw the line."
Dazai finally lets go, bringing Kunikida back into a standing position, a smirk never leaving his face. Kunikida's face is flushed, red, his glasses tipped. He smacks Dazai on the arm.
"This isn't going to happen again" he says as an apology.
"Keep telling yourself that" Dazai mutters teasingly and is met with another collective groan from his coworkers. "Anyway, good to know none of you is against this, so I can add this whole case to the list of things Kunikida's been absurdly worrying about." He earns another smack for that.
"Thank you for your understanding. I'm glad we can just go back to normal" Kunikida says gratefully.
"It's not like anything is going to change" Ranpo mutters, pulling Poe (who has been sitting there quietly the whole time, fascinated and scared by all this chaos taking place in the Agency) with himself, to get his stuff and leave.
"I'm still waiting for those wedding invitations" Yosano says giving them a meaningful glance.
"You really fit together." Atsushi smiles.
Kunikida finally relaxes, letting out a deep breath, all the tension leaving him. He closes his eyes for a moment and when he opens them, he's alone in the office with Dazai, everyone else having already left.
"I've told you it wouldn't bother anyone" Dazai says finally, his teasing smirk replaced by something more fond, reserved especially for Kunikida.
"Alright, you win. You want something for that?" Kunikida sighs with defeat, but can't say he doesn't enjoy the way Dazai's eyes lit up.
"I have something in mind" he whispers, leaning closer and closer, his hands cradling Kunikida's face before finally kissing him. Kunikida kisses back immediately, instinctively, softly brushing his lips over Dazai's. When he pulls away he smiles, looking deep in the brown eyes, feeling his heart hammering in his chest.
"I love you" he says, because at this point it's as easy as breathing. And maybe also because he loves seeing Dazai flustered, hiding his face in the crook of his neck before returning to his lips. When they part again, they're both smiling stupidly.
"I'm glad this whole thing is settled" Dazai admits, running his fingers through Kunikida's hair. He grins devilishly. "I'm going to make the most of it now."
"Not when we're at work, Dazai."
"I thought you loved me more than work?" Dazai pouts. "Also, you're the one who couldn't control himself today."
"I love you more than anything, actually. And I was distracted today, but some rules still exist."
Dazai sighs, accepting his defeat. "As long as you love me, I will have to accept it, I guess."
Kunikida just snorts and rolls his eyes, aware it's not going to be this easy. He wraps his arms around Dazai who hums happily. They stand like this for a moment, close, quiet, not needing to say a word to understand each other.
"Kunikida?"
"Hm?"
"Do you think Ranpo and Poe–"
"You shouldn't gossip about your coworkers, Dazai."
"But you know I'm right." The silence is enough for an answer. "Should we help them?"
"I'm scared of even imagining how you would plan to do this."
"Well, I have some good knowledge. After all, I did charm you, didn't I?" He looks up at Kunikida, whose expression softens. The blonde tucks a strand of Dazai's hair behind his ear.
"I suppose you did" he says quietly, fingers smoothing over Dazai's cheek. Dazai leans into the touch, trying to get as close to Kunikida as he possibly can.
Dazai can feel both of their hearts beating rapidly as his lips brush over Kunikida's when he says "And I'm not planning to ever let you go."
And when they kiss again, it just makes sense.