Work Text:
Soundwave stood atop the remains of one of the Earthling's primitive stone skyscrapers surveying the chaos and destruction happening below, around, and above him. The flimsy structure rumbled beneath his pedes as a symphony of explosions rocked the city of Chicago, it's puny inhabitants far below evacuating the buildings in a panicked scramble like scraplets fleeing towards whatever dark crevaces they naively thought would offer safety. In the distance, Shockwave's collossal driller roared as it methodically reduced building after building to dust, eating it's way through one of earth's most advanced cities with incredible ease. Soundwave took a moment to admire the perfectly coordinated devastation that the Decepticon army could bring down upon lesser beings. Earth never stood a chance.
He had allowed the constant comms chatter to fall to background processing for a moment while he watched, but a voice called out to him, pulling him from his reverie. "Commander Soundwave, Commander Starscream" it was Barricade "we've captured three Autobots near the river bend! Advise!".
Prisoners were never discussed for this operation. In fact the Autobots being here in the city at all was an unpleasant surprise. Starscream had proudly assured Megatron and the rest of command that he had personally shot down the Prime and his cohorts aboard their ship as they attempted to evacuate Earth, shunned by their human ex-allies. 'Easy as blasting an asteroid' he'd said. 'Nothing but dust and debris' he'd called them.
Shockwave's driller screeched and jerked as Optimus Prime cut its head off. Soundwave winced. Good lord that thing was expensive. "Barricade: disarm prisoners. Standby".
The roar of a familiar jet approached, shifting into a transformation sequence followed by a daintily soft landing beside him. Soundwave took a small step away from his colleague, not wanting to be this near to Starscream whenever Megatron managed to break away from the fight long enough to get his hands around that neck. "Three Autobots captured by Barricade. Shockwave: currently engaging Prime-".
"Wait!" Starscream raised a servo to silence him, peeking down over the edge of the building they stood on. Far below on the street, two humans scrambled out of the wreckage and took cover beside a ruined yellow bus, unaware of the spectators above. "Well if it isn't Prime's favorite little pet insect. All alone and out in the open" Starscream purred darkly.
Soundwave leaned over the edge, following his gaze towards the two humans. A young male and female pair. He immediatley recognized them as Carly Spencer and Sam Witwicky, two of the Autobot's loyal humans doing who-knows-what sneaking around in the middle of all this carnage. "Humans: inconsequential. Recommend roundezvouing at location of prisoners-".
Starscream whirled on him angrily "NO! That idiot Megatron has made a grave mistake by underestimating the humans. Of all the planets we've conquered, no creatures have given us as much resistence as these earthlings". He pointed an accusing finger down in the direction of the two humans. "They've offlined Blackout, Scrapper, even Devastator for Primus sake! And countless more of our number have fallen to the humans. They are a threat to Cybertronians and must be eliminated!".
Soundwave glanced down at the pair again. It was hard to tell from such this angle but it looked like they were crying.
Starscream's voice dropped to an angry growl "but that one in particular, the boy, this is personal. That disgusting insect called 'sam' has been causing me endless helmaches ever since we landed on this Primus forsaken planet. He's helping the Autobots and I have been unable to offline him".
Soundwave shifted his gaze back to Starscream, who was glaring hatefuly down at the little humans, his entire body trembling with anger. He couldn't imagine what a human could have possibly done to earn such animosity from the Decepticon second in command, but it was sure stinging the seekers ego. Regardless, there was no way that this was more important then their carefully planned invasion currently going off script and unravelling "Shockwave: under attack from Prime: in need of backup. Decepticons are currently awaiting your orders on what to do with the Autobo-".
"Tell me Soundwave, you've been immersed in this planet's data net for vorns now and are the most familiar with humans on a mechanical level". He looked up at Soundwave, an almost manical hysteria painted across his features. Starscream was not going to let this ridiculous feud go. "Cybertronians can be only be deactivated if our spark is destroyed, but humans don't have sparks. Nothing less than being eviscerated in an explosion seems to stop them. But they must have a weakness! How do you deactivate a human?". He turned to Soundwave, waiting intently for the answer.
Soundwave could not remember Starscream ever trying to joke around with him. This didn't seem like a joke anybody would make, really. He decided to once again evade the question entirely and try bringing the conversation back to more important matters "Current mission parameters require the pillars-".
"I'm aware of that!" Starscream threw his hands up in frustration "but right now, I see the opportunity to finally rid our lives of this nuisance meat bag 'sam' that has thus far evaded my every attempt to exterminate him!". He stepped closer to Soundwave threateningly and thrust a digit to his visor "I order you to tell me how to deactivate a human!?".
He really was being serious, Soundwave realised. The concept of being thwarted by a mere human must have broken his processor. It took no small amount of self control for Soundwave not to laugh, but the flier outranked him, so the spymaster dutifully connected to the human global internet "requesting search: how to kill a human. Results: humans can be killed by shooting them-".
Starscrem scoffed and crossed his arms acros his chest "I tried that! I even tried zapping him with an EMP! What else?".
He used an EMP on an organic. Incredible. "Humans can also be killed by falling from a great height".
"I tried that too. What else deactivates a human?" Starscream demanded.
Suppressing a sigh, Soundwave continued his rapid search of the millions of web pages "they can also die from falling from a low height. Even falling over at ground level can be fatal".
Starscream's face dropped "seriously?".
A website called Web MD seemed promising as he sped through it's thousands of pages "The most common cause of death in humans is heart disease. Followed by cancer and respiratory disease. Some microorganisms cause disease in humans which can be contageous. Humans can die from swallowing their tongue. A human will die after three days without water. Drinking an excessive amount of water is lethal to humans. A human can drown in as little as 2.5 centimeters of water. Salt water is fatal to humans".
"How?! They evolved on a planet covered in salt water!" The flier threw his arm out gesturimg to the entire globe that was apparently hostile for it's own native inhabitants.
Soundwave ignored his quip and continued, carefully watching the irate seekers face for any hint of self awareness "A temperature above 44 degrees centigrade can cause hyperthermia. A temperature below 10 degrees centrigrade can cause hypothermia. Human body temperature is 37 degrees centrigrade and a variation as little as one degree can be fatal. Humans often die by choking on small items such as food. Humans require a constant atmospheric oxygen content between 19.5% and 23.5% to survive. 4 to 6 minutes without oxygen is fatal to humans".
"Soundwave! Fatal. Physical. injuries! I'm not going to throw all 8 billion of them in the ocean! Hurry up before he gets away!". He demanded as he frantically peered back over the edge at the two humans down below, who had begun to move swiftly along the side of the bus in the direction of the Autobots.
Soundwave wondered what it is they thought they could do to assist their allies against technologically advanced intergalactic invaders who are trained for combat and several times larger and stronger than them when they themselves could be killed by a slight temperature variation or a mis-swallowed seed. Apparently Starscream still found them to be quite formidable foes "Average male human running speed: 13 kilometers per hour".
"The loss of a limb can be fatal to humans. The loss of any small body part can be fatal to humans. Even a small laceration of the skin can be fatal via blood loss or infection if left untreated. A sustained force of acceleration equivalent to 6 times earth's gravity is fatal to humans. It only takes 42 volts to kill a human. Humans can die from being startled resulting in cardiac arrest.".
Starscream stared bewildered at Soundwave, who's blank visor still revealed nothing.
A large explosion erupted in the direction of the fallen driller. Shockwave was probably in several pieces by now and Prime has likley moved on to searching for his captive Autobots to perform a dramatic rescue. They really should go help. "Fire is fatal to humans. A fatal traumatic brain injury can be caused by an impact at a speed of just 32 kilometers per hour. A single air bubble in the bloodstream can result in fatal cardiac arrest. Any foreign body in a blood vessel is fatal to humans. Humans can die of loneliness. Excessive blood loss is fatal to humans. Being suspended upside down is fatal to humans. High levels of radiation is fatal to humans. Sustained low levels of radiation is fatal to humans. Sometimes humans die for no reason at all. Humans can be killed by a crushing force of-".
"Great!" Starscream's thrusters roared to life and he lifted into the air. "Why don't I just do that! I'll crush him! With my pede!". He gave Soundwave a withering look before dropping over the ledge.
Soundwave watched his fellow commander unnecessarily parkour his way down the sides of the surrounding buildings making sure to cause as much damage and noise as possible to frighten the little humans- as if merely being alive and existing on Earth wasn't dangerous enough for them, apparently.
Starscream landed before the pair with a heavy thud, fracturing the pavement below his pedes. "What a treat! You and me... alone" he purred dangerously at the now panicking earthlings, scrambling to get away.
Alwayse with his penchant for dramatic flair, Starscream hooked a claw under the bumper of the bus and flipped it onto its roof as easily as if it were a toy.
The humans, narrowly missing being crushed by the bus, proceeded to climb inside of it for safety. Soundwave marveled at the stupidity of these frail creatures.
Then the male reached into his subspace and retrieved what appeared to be a cybertronian made grapple. Before Soundwave could shout a warning to Starscream, the human shot the hook into the seekers optic.
Starscream cried out in pain, stumbling around blindly as the little human scurried up his frame and attached a small object to the distracted mech. Seconds later, Starscream's helm exploded and the infamous Decepticon second in command fell limply to the ground in defeat.
Soundwave slowly stepped away from the ledge. He glanced around the rooftop that he alone now occupied searching for- he wasn't sure what. Another witness?
The chatter on the comms had become more frantic as the battle began to sway in the favour of the Autobots and their human allies. Something about flying humans and tiny sniper fire. Did someone just say Optimus Prime is tangled up in the wires of a crane?
Said tiny sniper fire was now being aimed at Soundwave, the annoying little tinks and pangs of the microscopic projectiles ricocheting harmlessly off his combat armour. He ignored the ineffectual barrage and attempted to get a location ping on Barricade and his team until one managed to strike the knuckle of his right servo in between his plating. His hand snapped to his chest reflexively, trying to shake the stinging pain out. Maybe they do have a little bit of bite.
Shockwave called out to him over comms, reporting that he has rendezvoused with Barricade and the others where the Autobots were being held captive. Oh, good. He's alive. Soundwave launched himself off the roof, away from the hail of tiny bullets and set off in the direction of the Autobot prisoners.
The End.