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Metalder wasn’t built with tear ducts.
If he had been, would he cry enough held back tears to sustain a river by now?
None of that was practical for a weapon to possess, even if at some point he had the ability to look and experience human life. It was true he didn’t have to act like a robot. It was also true that he had no choice at this point other than to be just that..
That translated to a blurred existence where he wasn’t sure where one part of him started or ended. He currently existed as a wandering spirit who observed the world from afar.
No, he was simply Metalder. Ryusei Tsurugi died on the same day as Neros by a single stab of a sword while his friends, while he saw those final seconds stretch into an eternity until a blip of an explosion sealed what now was reality.
No matter how it was told, it hurt. Whether from truth or denial, that felt that pain pierce through him and never leave like a ghost.
Maybe that was why he’d been experiencing moments where, no matter how hard he tried getting his systems to respond, he couldn’t move for a few minutes lately.
Sometimes he was walking in the middle of the forest as the sun shone down through the cover of pine trees. He heard over a thousand conversations from the birds, insects, and other animals that were only incomprehensible due to the amount of them going on simultaneously. In some unintended way, he was somehow able to understand how humans felt when disconnected from the world they only could view by clinical observations and inferences.
Or perhaps it was more like a song in an unfamiliar language. A person might not be able to understand its meaning but the feelings transcend that barrier and still hit the same emotional chord.
Other times he and Springer would enter an abandoned village tucked away in the mountains or by the coast. Every single one, no matter how different the size or level of disrepair was, had life radiating from every corner. For the most part though, they were the the only two that had probably entered in a while.
“Oh look, it’s Combattler V,” Springer said while approaching the edge of an overgrown path leading toward the shore. The sun had yet to show its face, but a few streaks of light were already making their way across the sky.
Still, there it was clear as day sprawled out in mangled pieces on a rock. Someone had to have once held it dear, or maybe it served its purpose and was tossed away without a thought.
There were instances like this scattered everywhere in these places. There were memories of people who were alive somewhere else or that had gone on to the afterlife, and every time those thoughts led him back to those he met while on his mission to defeat Neros.
How were they all doing these days? Were they living as best as they could? Would he ever get to see them again without being a danger to their peace?
While passing through more and more places that people left behind, all he could do was wonder about questions whose answers weren’t in the raindrops trickling down a caved in roof.
Then there were times where he was near the outskirts of Tokyo during the middle of the night. Thousands of lights blinked in the distance like fireflies, some highlighted silhouettes of figures of different heights as they moved in and out.
There were points where he went further in. He had to if he wanted to check on how Mai and Hakkou were doing as he promised, but more often than not it was much more difficult than he’d thought. In order to not cause people to notice and have an adverse reaction to his presence, he could only go when the darkness served as a serviceable cover. On top of that, there were a few other concerns that when put together as a whole made such an endeavor something he’d only embark on once and a while. Otherwise, Springer was his best bet in regards to those matters, even though these points of the journey weren’t the same without him around.
Such was the case on a particular night.
“Oi, Metalder! Long time no-”
An engine roored toward him. A light grew larger, reflecting off of his metallic skin almost like a 3D mockup of the sea at sunset.
“-see…” Hakkou said, his bike slowing to a stop in front of an empty patch of dirt.
By some accursed miracle, he ran off and away from the lights and the lives behind them.
He couldn’t remember how long it’s been. There were long periods where all he noticed was the shift from day to night and back to day. There were others where every second ticked by and he was aware of every tiny movement.
Then there were moments where within an instant, he realized how much time had passed.
It was summer.
His knees dug into the ground while the rest of his body crumpled in front of Topgunder’s grave. The cicadas called out to one another, pleading to connect with each other
Topgunder…
The cries of the cicadas grew louder until they drowned out the aimless string of words he heard coming from himself. If it was his thoughts put to words, it’s start with how his existence would be brighter and easier to endure if Topgunder was still by his side. Though truthfully, he’d prefer if that remained a thought that hung in the gentle breeze.
Metalder felt his hands grasping at the soil below as if Topgunder would reach out and grab on to be dragged back into this world.
If only.
Maybe music could transcend the spiritual barrier as effectively as language and emotional ones.
He didn't have his saxophone right now to try...
So his thoughts kept careening further.
Hakkou…
Mai…
He knew they were far away, trying their best to live without him together. Still, he felt as if they were standing behind him just like that day when they buried Topgunder here. If they were here, maybe they would all collapse into a hug and never let go until… until… until–
Metalder tilted his head up. The sky was, as it had been for the past few days, a bright clear blue that he knew wouldn’t give him an answer no matter how much he called out to it.
No… he knew some replies.
He had to keep living. By his own words and the wishes of ones who waited for him somewhere or no longer walked this Earth, he promised he would!
If he knew that though, why did he still want to sink into the ground and die?
“What are you doing?” Springer whimpered as he circled around Metalder’s body.
He looked back down at the ground.
I wish I was able to cry. I wish I could laugh. I wish I could see everyone. I wish I could live a life again.
Then, two silhouettes casted a shadow over him.