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The atmosphere in the arena was unusually sombre.
Clarisse watched from the sidelines with Chris as the rest of her cabin, fully dressed in their armour, sparred and stretched on the arena floor. They were preparing for war, that much was clear, but when Clarisse asked them what the hell they were doing, Sherman claimed they were only training.
Her cabin didn't agree with her decision to remain at Camp Half-Blood instead of charging into Manhattan with the others. War was their domain after all, what they were born to do, and Clarisse could see how fidgety and restless they were at the mere idea of sitting out of what was likely to be the biggest battle of their lifetimes. They were fine with it at first when the disagreement over the flying chariot was still fresh, but the longer the war lasted, the more dissent rippled through their ranks. (The fact that many of their friends were currently laying out their lives in said battle certainly didn't help, but Clarisse was resolutely Not Thinking About It.) They were following her orders like good little soldiers, but it was clear they were bracing for her to change her mind, as if that was ever going to happen.
Sometimes Clarisse felt that she was the only one who cared about her cabin’s reputation. It was convenient for everyone to reduce her bruised ego down to a dispute over the flying chariot, but it wasn’t just about the chariot, not really. For years, she had to stand by and listen to everyone call her siblings brutes and bullies, idiot meatheads who knew nothing but the swing of a blade, but now that they were suddenly useful, she was supposed to turn a blind eye to all of that contempt? The chariot was the only thing she had ever asked for, and the camp wouldn’t even grant her that. They got no recognition, no glory, and no respect. She wouldn’t lift a finger until they got the honour they were due, and no child of Ares would either. Sherman and the rest could shoot her looks all they want, huff biting comments beneath their breaths, but they would see it her way soon enough. It was only a matter of time before someone was sent to apologise (Michael ideally, but she wasn’t holding her breath), and once those wrongs were righted, then and only then would she don her armour and lead her cabin into battle.
“Clarisse?” Chris’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. It was the first time he had spoken to her since he last tried to convince her to join the war effort. His silence was not out of anger or disappointment, but from merely having nothing else to say to her which somehow stung more.
“What?”
Chris pointed to the sky, and it wasn’t until then that Clarisse noticed the unmistakable silhouette of a pegasus flying towards camp.
“Finally,” she said around a relieved sigh as she pushed herself up from the stands, “let’s see which little doggy came to beg.”
With the entirety of cabin five spread across the arena, there was no room for the pegasus to land, and so Clarisse - with Chris in tow - waved them down to an empty patch of grass outside the entrance. With everyone in full armour for protection, she couldn’t identify who it was until the pegasus (Percy’s favourite, she noted absently) touched down onto the soil, and her heart dropped.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Clarisse muttered to herself, staring in frustrated disbelief as Silena Beauregard soothed and praised Blackjack for his smooth landing.
Out of everyone that could have come, they had to send her the one person she couldn’t say no to? That was low, even for how the camp treated her lately. (She wondered if Annabeth had identified that particular weakness, but she hadn’t known Annabeth to be cruel.)
“There you are!” Silena exclaimed as she dismounted, relief audible in her voice. She removed her helmet, and her long dark hair spilled out, sleek and voluptuous and beautiful despite the war - a perk of her parentage.
“What are you doing here?” Clarisse snapped, but for once, was trying to keep her rage in check. She didn't like yelling at Silena at the best of times, and she certainly didn't want to do it now when Silena was still so heartbroken and distraught.
“I need to talk to you.”
“About?”
“Joining the war.” Silena stood up straight with her head held high, looking determined and regal in a way Clarisse hadn't seen her since before Beckendorf’s death.
“Um,” Chris took a step back, “I'm going to-.... Yeah.” Chris scampered off, but Clarisse paid him no mind. Her attention was fixed on Silena.
“I told you. I told all of you. I’m not lifting a finger until I get some respect around here.” She had aimed for stern, but her voice came out softer than intended. Clarisse had prepared for a lot of possibilities, but she had not prepared for Silena Beauregard.
“I know, and the way people talk to and about you isn’t fair,” Silena said, kind and sincere as always, “but the war has been brutal. There’s been-... There’s been so many casualties, and we really need your help. Please, Clarisse. Please reconsider. We need you.”
Silena’s big brown eyes were wet and pleading, but Clarisse held strong. “I’m sure Michael can handle it.”
Grief bloomed across Silena’s face like a firework, and Clarisse’s stomach dropped.
Oh no.
“Michael… Michael didn’t make it,” she said gently, her voice wavering, “Will told me that Percy-.... The Williamsburg bridge collapsed when Michael was on it, and… and he’s gone. Will Solace is acting head medic now.”
“The thirteen year old!? ”
Silena shrugged halfheartedly. “He’s the best we’ve got.”
That didn’t make any sense. There were at least three other Apollo kids who should have had seniority over Will, and there was only one reason Clarisse could think of why they would be passed over in favour of someone so young.
Her veins turned to ice.
And Michael… they didn’t get along at the best of times, but no matter how pissed off she had been at him lately, she didn’t want this to happen. Her mind was swimming with guilt and regret, with stubborn hotheadedness, and she couldn’t think straight amidst all these conflicted feelings.
You should have helped them, they should have apologised to you, you should have accepted Michael’s olive branch, they should have given you the chariot in the first place, it’s your fault, it’s their fault, it’s your fault, it’s their fault, it’s your fault-
“Clarisse.” Silena stepped forwards, her presence grounding. “Luke-... Kronos’s army is advancing on Olympus, and they’re getting closer and closer every day. I don’t know how much longer we can hold them off. Annabeth almost died today,” Clarisse’s breath hitched at the news, “and more and more of us are going to fall too if we don’t do something.” She reached out and took Clarisse’s hand in both of hers. “You are the strongest fighter I know, and your cabin listens to you. You can turn the tide of this battle. I know the others have not been kind to you, and you deserve better, you do! …But this isn’t the way.” Silena squeezed her hand, gaze fixed to hers. “Come with me back to Manhattan. Show them how wrong they are about you. Please, Clarisse, we need you.”
It was a tempting suggestion (or maybe it was only tempting because Silena was the one making it).
Silena was kind and gentle and saw the best in everyone. She was one of the few who saw Clarisse for who she was over who people thought she should be. She saw through Clarisse’s tough outer shell to the insecure and desperate-for-approval centre she had spent her entire life trying to hide. There wasn’t a thing in this world that Clarisse wouldn’t do for Silena Beauregard.
…But she couldn’t let go of the flying chariot and everything that hunk of metal represented.
“...Who sent you?” Clarisse asked, her free hand balling into a fist at her side.
Silena blinked in surprise. “I’m sorry?”
“Percy or Annabeth. One of them’s in charge, right? Which one sent you?”
Silena stared at her as if she was speaking an entirely different language. “I-... No one sent me! I chose to come here because we need your help!”
“So you’re not here to apologise?” Clarisse tugged her hand out of Silena’s and took a step back. “I told them I wasn’t going to help if I didn’t get an apology, and I’m not leaving camp until I get one.”
“Clarisse, I’m sorry-”
“Not from you!” She didn’t mean to raise her voice, and she regretted it the second she saw Silena flinch, but her blood was boiling and her temper flaring and she couldn’t stop talking now that she started. “From them! I want them to apologise! To give me the respect I deserve! I told them again and again before they left camp that the only way I was going to help was if they gave the Ares cabin the honour we’re due! And they can’t even do that? People are dying, and they still can’t admit they were in the wrong? Are you fucking serious?”
“Clarisse,” Silena attempted to reach for her hand again, but Clarisse snapped it back out of her reach.
“No, Silena. I’m not going anywhere. If they don’t want our help, and won’t acknowledge our capabilities even when they’re so desperate for it, then they’re not going to get it. You can tell Percy or whoever that if they want the Ares cabin to join the fight, then I need an apology for how they’ve treated us over the years, and I need to hear it from somebody who actually wronged us. Not you.”
Silena’s eyes welled up with tears, and Clarisse felt bad for making her cry, she did, but she had to stand by her principles. If she backed down now, then they would never truly respect her. She had to show everyone that she wasn’t someone they could treat like dirt until they needed her. If that meant staying in Camp Half-Blood, then so be it.
It was easy for Silena and Chris and everyone else to think she should give in, but they didn’t know the taste of the back of their father’s hand. She would not bend, and she would not break, and they would learn that the hard way.
Silena glared at her through her tears, and Clarisse would be lying to herself if she said that didn't sting. “You're really not going to help? Then what are we supposed to do? We need reinforcements!”
“You're smart. You'll figure it out.” Clarisse turned around to head back to the arena, and didn't notice until then that Chris had been eavesdropping by the entrance. She should have known he wouldn't have gone far. “And if not, then you all know what I want.”
Clarisse expected Silena to call after her as she left, but she didn't. She refused to let herself look back to see if Silena was watching her walk away.
“Clarisse-” Chris started once she was in earshot, but Clarisse didn't want to hear it.
“Come on. It's our turn to go on patrol.” She stormed past the arena towards the border, and Chris dutifully followed her.
Their patrol was soon interrupted by loud cheering from the arena, and the sight of a herd of pegasi taking off into the sky. Considering her armour and weapons were missing and her cabin would only leave camp on her orders, it wasn't difficult to figure out what had happened.
“You stupid, intelligent girl,” she muttered to herself as she ran off towards that godsforsaken chariot, Chris in tow.
Silena always knew how to get exactly what she wanted. Clarisse just wished she hadn't got it like this.