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Noah hates Duncan.
Duncan hates Noah.
They both respectively think the other sucks.
They both annoy eachother in many, many ways.
But today...
Duncan has gone too far.
And he knows it.
Owen, a shared friend of theirs was supposed to be arriving any minute now with all of the other guys to throw a party. The party was hosted at Duncan's house. Noah didn't really want to be there, he hates parties. But even so, is he really the only one with a care in the world for some god damn punctuality? How was he the only one who had arrived to Duncan's house? And it's not like he's gonna wait outside the house, that's creepy. Or even in his car, the heater is broken and it's freezing. So, there Noah was.
Sitting on Duncan's couch,
inside of Duncan's living room,
in Duncan's house,
alone with Duncan.
This night was bound to be swell. (... That was sarcasm.)
He scoffed, and Duncan rolled his eyes.
"Sorry punctuation princess, cut the guys some slack, will ya? Pull the stick out of your ass and maybe you'll enjoy yourself for once."
Noah's temper was already short, it's like Duncan was ramming it with a chainsaw and expecting it to grow.
"For starters, punctuation is a sentence writing tool, but you can't read so I won't put that past you. Just know it's punctual. And they said they'd be here at the same time as me! What red light takes 40 minutes!?"
Duncan squinted angrily, he had actually been nice enough to get Noah a Blue Moon to make him not so annoying, but he suddenly felt his efforts were a waste.
"Whoops."
Duncan said, tiping the can so a little bit of the drink dripped onto Noah's red sweater vest. He then set the can down on the side table next to the brunet. His eyes were wide.
"Wh- dude! This is wool! You can't just pour stuff onto wool!"
Noah groaned, and took off the sweater vest. He stood up, and began to wander around Duncan's house. Duncan raised a brow.
"What are you doing?"
"If you're willing to waste that beer, you're gonna waste some laundry detergent on me too. Besides, I don't even drink beer, I like wine."
Noah found the washing machine, that still had wet clothes in it, despite the cycle being done. Noah brushes it off as another case of Duncan being lazy, and switches the wet clothes into the dryer, before putting his sweater into the washer and starting a spin. Duncan's mouth moved faster than his brain when he said;
"Why? Because it's fruity?"
The handle of the laundry detergent was crushed in Noah's grip, and his eye twitched. Duncan smirked.
"Thanks for doing my laundry by the way, you're like my dumb nagging wife. I'd kiss you if you weren't so ugly."
Noah felt himself clench his teeth at the teasing. He had to come up with a comeback, Duncan can't get away with this. He puts down the detergent, turning around to face Duncan, who was seemingly unfazed.
"Wrong. You just won't kiss me because you're afraid you'll have a moment of self discovery, and we all know a manly man like you would rather burn himself at the stake than have a single likeable quality. You look like someone microwaved Jeff Dunham and turned his melted body into a motorcyclist going through a divorce with his 20 year old wife he groomed over instagram three years prior. No woman could ever put up with you, that's why Courtney is currently asking for some space, and—"
Noah was stopped by a strong grip on his shirt that pushed him up against the washing machine. Duncan's fist clenched around his shirt collar, and he looked genuinely angry.
"You want me to pierce that liar-ass mouth of yours!? It'll make you less ugly to look at! A snake bite or two– or five couldn't hurt!"
Noah felt genuinely threatened, but he wouldn't back down like a pussy, he'd just quietly calm Duncan's anger.
"It's not worth it, I'll just end up hotter than you."
That's not how you calm someone down...
"Oh, so piercings are hot now? You want one?"
Duncan had a smug look on his face as he pulled out a lighter and a needle from his pocket. Noah wasn't sure how to de-escalate the situation without going home with ten extra holes in his face.
"No thanks, it's just a hypothetical."
Duncan drops him, and puts the tools back into his pocket. Noah then makes the worst decision he could've probably made that night, worse than telling Duncan his girlfriend doesn't like him. Noah, for some reason, by some miracle, he thinks;
'If I just get him to drink, he'll stop bugging me. He's probably a pass-out drunk.'
Noah must've been drunk just from contact with that Blue Moon to have ever had that thought ever. So to Noah's surprise, when he'd convinced Duncan to drink, he only got more annoying. And you know what? Fuck it. He got drunk too. He can't deal with Duncan's bullshit sober. He'd never torture himself like that just to be able to drive home. When Owen got here, he was so getting a stern talking to for being so late as to let this happen.
Duncan was drunk.
Noah was drunk.
They were alone.
Shit was about to get real.
They continued to bicker over things that were meaningless in the grand scheme of things, calling eachother ugly and hoeless, debating over whether or not Gabriel Iglesias is actually funny, roasting eachother's outfits, etc. But they never stopped drinking. Noah didn't even think about how much he was taking anymore, he just wasn't thinking. Duncan would never think.
So they were both mega drunk.
And eventually, nagging on eachother became boring, they just didn't care anymore. In fact, Duncan got so bored that he did something he would almost never do with company over. He decided to give himself a new piercing.
Duncan pulled out the lighter and needle as a Gabriel Iglesias Netflix special played in the background, left on from their prior debate. Duncan had set his beer down on the table, and Noah was taking another sip of his, like he couldn't risk getting sober. He looked over to Duncan, sitting on the other side of the couch and holding the tip of the needle over the flame.
"W-Whatttt are you doing...?"
He slurred, Duncan looked over, with resting eyes.
"I'm gonna do a third snake bite, one right in the center of my lip."
"Whyyy?"
Noah seemed baffled, and Duncan drunkenly rolled his eyes and chuckled.
"Cus it's cool."
"Nuh uh, that would look stupid as shit. Your lip would be like a... pair of jeans, and the bites are beltloops. Nobody would ever be able to kiss you without knocking their teeth against those. And god forbid someone with braces wants to kiss you..."
Duncan laughed at the comment.
"Like I would ever kiss someone with braces."
"You don't have the options to be picky, Duncan. One more piercing, and you're not even a person anymore... just a... pair of sad, lonely... punk-ass jeans..."
Noah puts the beer down, feeling like he's about to throw up. He playfully punches Duncan's arm with his free hand, and that's when all hell broke loose.
"Ooh, so that's how it's gonna be, huuh?"
Duncan laughed, tackling Noah onto the couch. He lets the lighter go out and drops it to the floor, but he keeps the burning needle on standby.
"Why don't I show you what it's really like to have piercings? Trust me, I'm doing you a favor.."
Before Noah could respond, or even process what Duncan had said, a burning needle was being plunged through the left side of his bottom lip.
"OW!! BITCH!!"
He screams the mumble through the pain of the needle. He pushes Duncan off of him, sitting up on his own. The needle was still half way through his lip, and he was bleeding. The pain was slightly subdued by the intense alcohol, but it still hurt like hell. Duncan panicked, realizing he had to fix Noah's mouth or he'd probably get charged with battery when they sobered up.
"SH-SHIT! Just- wait here!"
Duncan leaps off of the couch, tripping over his own feet and falling on his face. As he finds his footing and stands up once again, he drunkenly stands up and rushes to his bathroom. He grabs a first aid kit, and a spare lip ring of his, the first one he could find. He sped back to the couch, and stumbled over his own feet. Sitting on the couch, he dropped the lip ring on the coffee table, and opened the first aid kit. Noah was still panicking, and he was trying to slowly pull out the needle. Duncan slapped his hand away.
"Stop that! You'll make it worse!"
Noah didn't say anything, he was too panicked and drunk to verbalize his feelings correctly. He just mumbled, accidentally poking himself a few times in the face. Duncan pulls out a disinfectant wipe, and wipes his hands before he grips Noah's bottom lip. He pinches it between his thumb and pointer finger by the center. He takes another wipe, and wipes it around the needle hole messily, making Noah yelp.
"OUWCH! Duwde! Wwatch it!"
Noah's voice was construed by Duncan's fingers, the punk only rolled his eyes. After putting down the used wipe, he takes another sip of his beer. Noah's eyes thinned in annoyance.
"Ywou're sewriouwsly gonna dwrink that now?"
"Do you want me to stop helping? I don't wanna remember ever doing a nice thing for you, it would ruin my life if I was sober."
"Buwt it doewsn't when you'rwe drwunk?"
"No, cus I don't care right now. I won't remember being a good person in the morning, and you won't either. We're the only two that know, so it's fine, I guessss..."
Noah tries to process it all, but he doesn't really take any of it in the way a sober person would, or should. Noah just watches as Duncan tugs at his mouth with the giant needle in his face. Duncan digs back into the first aid kit, pulling out a small guaze square to pat dry the blood. Noah whined as Duncan accidentally pushed the needle multiple times, due to his unsteady hands. He then puts the guaze down, and grabs the ring off of the coffee table. Noah raised an eyebrow.
"Is that fowr me?"
"You don't want a hole in your face forever, do you?"
Noah didn't say more, as Duncan put the ring on his knee before he counted;
"Three, two, one."
He ripped the needle out of Noah's face without warning. Noah screeched as he fell back. Noah almost grabbed his lip before Duncan stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
"Watch it, dude!"
Duncan aggressively yanks Noah to sit upright once again. He picks the ring off his knee, and opens it before slipping the bar through the needle hole, and closing the ring's ends. The hole widened slightly from the difference in size from the bar to the ring, making Noah tear up. Duncan picks up all of the trash, and throws it on the floor, missing the trashcan by mistake. Coming back to the couch, he closes the first aid kit and slips it under the couch, not confident he'd make it to the bathroom without falling over. He takes another sip of beer, and Noah is baffled.
"How do you do this to yourself...?"
"I usually give myself some ice to numb it, but like, you didn't qualify..."
Noah scoffed, still wincing internally at the pain.
"Didn't qualify?"
"You suck. I hate you. If I liked you I would give you ice."
Noah's brows furrowed. He wanted to go home, but he'd already gone too far. He's in too deep, so he's getting through this party whether he likes it or not. He poked and proded at the ring, not used to the metal-mouth sensation. Duncan slapped his hand again.
"Dude seriously! You'll get an STD or something..."
"An STD!?"
Noah nearly spat, despite the fact he wasn't drinking from the pain of his lip.
"Yeah, that thing where your wounds get all green and goey and shit. So watch your hands."
"That's an infection, dumbass, not an STD. I don't have STDs, wouldn't be surprised if you did though. You're grimey as fuck."
Duncan punches Noah's arm, Noah punches back. The two just sit in silence for a while. Duncan drinks more, and Noah decides that he should too if he's ever gonna get through this party. It's been almost two hours since Noah got here, where was everyone? Noah pulled out his phone to try and call Owen. He sloppily dialed, and after four tries, pressed the call button.
Nobody answered.
Noah threw his phone at the wall.
"Woah, everything ok over there princess pissy?"
Noah groaned.
"WHERE ARE THEY??? I CAN'T SIT HERE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!"
He angrily gripped the beer he was currently nursing, it was his 4th that night. Duncan was on his 6th. Noah was handling this way harder than Duncan though. Noah didn't drink, it was a seldom occurrence. He didn't have a tolerance for this kind of thing. Duncan did, though. As the voice of Gabriel Iglesias rang throughout the room, Noah kept whining about Owen.
"Where is heeeee? It's been hoursssss!"
He looks at the TV.
"And you suck."
He said, pointing at Gabriel Iglesias. He takes another sip of the Blue Moon, while he gains Duncan's attention.
"Jesus christ, you're so whiny. They'll be here soon, and hey, I think he's not that bad."
"Yeah, and you're a white guy laughing at a man with a thick Mexican accent getting pulled over by officers."
Duncan choked.
"Well, I mean-"
...
Duncan turned the TV over to Shark Tank before making his case worse. Thank god he had a high alcohol tolerance. Noah and Duncan kept drinking, and they began to actually laugh over shark week. The longer they talked, it seemed like they actually had something in common. They both hated all of the people on Shark Tank, even the judges. They were all annoying, stupid, and they sucked.
"Come on! Are you serious!? Fourty thousand for a chocolate brand!?"
Noah called out with his hands in the air.
"That's the dumbest investment ever! That doesn't even look like good chocolate!'
Duncan chugged the rest of his can.
"It looks like the stones you find on the walls of mystical cottages in the woods!"
"Did you see her face when she bit into it? She totally wanted to throw the fuck up."
The woman on screen was gifted fourty thousand dollars, and she celebrated.
"BOO!!!"
Duncan said, chucking his empty can at the screen. It rebounds off of the TV, and lands on the floor, rolling under the coffee table. Noah sighs.
"These have got to be the worst judges ever, like, how are these guys still millionaires after all of these shitty investments???"
"I don't know, I think they might be lizard people hired by hollyw-"
"Ugh, white guy alert. Shut the fuck up Duncan."
Duncan scoffs.
"What about that says "white guy"? I'm really trying here dude, but it's hard when you can't say anything nowadays."
"Lizard people are not real Duncan. They're just based on Jewish people to make them look bad. Don't be a lizard lover."
Duncan chuckled.
"Lizard lover?"
"Yeah, don't be. The only lizards you should love are the ones that work at Geico."
Duncan laughed harder. Noah was funny when he wasn't so uptight and bossy. Is this how he really is on the inside?
"I don't even have a car to save 15% on, though."
"Yeah, because you crawl everywhere like a lizard lover. Get a fucking license, you're like 23."
Noah laughed, bringing the Blue Moon to his lips once again. Normally, Duncan would've given him a good slap across the face. But...
He just went to the kitchen to get some ice.
Nobody else ever showed up to the party.
The next day, Noah woke up, threw up like seven times, had Duncan disinfect his piercing once again, and did something he'd never consider doing any other day.
He took Duncan out to a fucking Dennys breakfast.
Noah had no memory of last night, and Duncan's house had absolutely no food. Noah drove them both in his car. Duncan remembered most if last night.
"Oh, yeah, you pissed on your own sweater vest so you put it in the wash with a beer."
Despite the fact that Noah wasn't awful, it was still fun to mess with him. Noah seemed horrified.
"Jeez... was that before or after I stabbed myself in the face with the metal straw?"
"Before. I patched you up and gave you a ring to make you feel better since you were loosing your mind. Then we watched Gabriel Iglesias the rest of the night."
"Ugh! I hate that guy! What the hell did you give me last night!?"
"Just a few Blue Moons, you're a real party animal."
Duncan did feel a little guilty for gaslighting Noah like this, but Noah did put a hole in his wall when he threw his phone. So it's just a little bit of payback. Noah couldn't believe himself. He looked at his reflection in the rear view mirror.
"I'm never drinking again. I don't care who, or what‐"
"Woah, woah, easy dude. Chill out."
"I have a face piercing! My family is gonna kill me! I'll never get a job!"
Duncan raised an eyebrow with a small sweat.
"They don't hire people with piercings...?"
"I'm surprised you haven't caught on yet."
"Well, I don't apply, so I guess not."
"That's why."
Duncan scoffed. He almost felt like telling the truth, but that would be ridiculous. He won't admit it to himself, but he knows that Noah would give at least one good kick to the balls.
At Dennys, they ran into an unexpected party.
It was Owen and the guys.
Noah was pissed.
"Where were you guys!?"
Noah questioned, after storming over to Owen, who was happy to see the brunet, but very confused.
"Where were we? Where were you guys, you goofballs!?"
Owen laughed, swinging an arm around the two as if they were late.
"What do you mean!? The party at Duncan's last night! Nobody showed up!"
"Woah, what happened to your face, man?"
Cody said, pointing to Noah's lip. Noah, embarrassed, thinking that he got so drunk he stabbed himself with a metal spoon, defended himself with sarcasm.
"I'm trying out a new look for fashion week."
He said, his face tinting red from shame. Duncan held back a giggle, just barely. Tyler then had a question.
"Wait, party at Duncan's? I thought the party was at Justin's house?"
Noah's jaw dropped.
"It was. You guys really missed out."
Trent nodded with a sad sigh. Noah felt his entire world shift. He got drunk and lost any potential job interviews for no reason. Duncan clenched his teeth as his eyes widened. Yikes. He looked over to Noah, and felt a form of pity that he hadn't yet experienced. Empathy.
Crazy, right?
All of the guys sucked their teeth, and it was awkward. Duncan made a drastic decision. He laughed.
"Ha- HA! Uh, I'm so good...! I... tricked you...?"
Noah looked over, confused.
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, uh... I lied so you would go to the wrong house... because you suck...?"
Noah's face flattened. He was about to scold Duncan before Harold chimed in.
"Oh, is it because you knew Noah hates parties? That's really nice of you to keep Noah for the night like that. Awesome, Duncan."
Duncan flushed with embarrassment. That was definitely not why he told everyone that.
"W-What!? No- I'm making fun of him! Guys, come on!"
Noah sighed.
"That's actually not insufferable of you... I guess thanks."
Duncan scoffed. Whatever.
He was being nice anyways.