Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s half past nine in the evening, the youngest sleeping peacefully behind the driver’s seat, the oldest playing games on his cellphone, and her good-for-nothing, cheating husband humming songs to himself happily behind the steering wheel. Hyunjin turns to the window and huffs out an irritated breath. Another extremely pleasant family dinner officially concluded and Jisung has only flirted with his sister-in-law like what, five times? A new low, really. Surprising.

She knows she shouldn’t complain, she really does. It all could’ve been so much worse, she’s heard so many marriage horror stories from the other moms she’s met. After all, she has a nice house with a big backyard, her kids are healthy and happy, Changbin’s in a really good private high school, Chan’s signed up for the best preschool in town, and she doesn’t have to work because Jisung makes enough money to support them on his income alone so she can focus on the kids and the house… But… Is it so much to ask to be loved?

When they met, Hyunjin thought she won the lottery. Handsome, charming, funny, he wrapped her around his finger in the span of a few dates. She’s always been a hopeless romantic at heart, wishing since she’s been a little girl to find a man who would love her with his whole heart, look at her like she hung up the moon, write love songs about her and compare her eyes to the night sky, parade her around his arm and kiss her inside the flower gardens between the rose bushes, bring her bouquets of flowers, give her silly gifts because they reminded him of her so she could put them on a bookshelf and giggle to herself when he’s not there. And she really, truly believed she found him. He would write songs for her and play them on his father’s guitar, he would take her out dancing and make her feel like the spotlight was only on her, like she was the star, he made her believe she’s found her true north, her true-blue.

But no, soulmates aren’t real and love evaporates over time, and in the seventh year of their marriage he started losing interest in her.

He’s told her for years that she was the most beautiful woman he’s ever met, how he could never tire of listening to her talk, how they were meant for each other. And then he cheated. And again. And again. And again and again and again. She should’ve left him years ago, really. Hyunjin, however, being the head over heels in love fool that she was, forgave him each and every time it happened. But a woman can only take so much humiliation in one lifetime and Jisung hitting on his younger brother’s wife might truly be the final nail in Hyunjin’s coffin.

She’s long past the point of letting it get to her head. He doesn’t do it because she’s not beautiful enough, not because she’s not interesting enough. He’s just a dog, and like a dog he will chase. And so, Hyunjin rarely ever compares herself to the women he chooses. But Lina… she struck a nerve, and she did it hard.

She’s thought about it before. At first, she thought maybe it’s the fact that he does it so shamelessly in front of the whole family that drives her insane, the embarrassment of it all. But no, she doesn’t really mind all of that. The kids are all too young to notice what’s going on, Changbin never pays attention to what happens at the family dinners, and it’s not like she ever greatly cared about her in-law’s opinion.

The more time Hyunjin spends thinking about it, the clearer the real reason becomes: it’s because Jisung has never chosen a woman this extraordinary. All of his past flings were mediocre at best, both in looks and in who they were as people. But Lina… Lina’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s quick-witted, she’s funny, she’s Hyunjin's first real competitor. And so, sometimes at night, after these family dinners end, Hyunjin stays up and tosses and turns, and sometimes, when Jisung doesn’t get back home until after midnight, she feels like throwing plates at the kitchen walls and screaming her lungs out.

She spends the entire ride home seething quietly, her eyes drilling holes into the passenger’s window. She’s out of the car before Jisung can unbuckle his seatbelt and carries the sleeping five year old inside the house. Her husband follows, baffled by her behavior. Changbin, god bless his soul, the smart kid that he is, gives his father a stinky look and heads upstairs with a small goodnight in her direction.

After putting Chan to bed, she quickly goes through her nighttime routine, hoping to avoid talking to her husband, but the universe really isn’t on her side today. He’s sitting in bed reading one of his awful fiction books when she enters the bedroom.

“My darling wife,” he starts, his voice laced with sarcasm, “what ails you tonight?”

“You damn well know what you did, Jisung,” she huffs back as she gets into the bed and turns away from him. “Do you have to embarrass me like that in front of the family? Do you have no shame? God, do you even care what your brother thinks about all of this?”

“I don’t understand what you mean. You’re being dramatic, honey. Is it the time of the month?”

Ah, so the idiot’s trying to play dumb, she thinks. She doesn’t have the strength to put up with his bullshit tonight. She simply turns around and stares at him. He falters slightly under her gaze but doesn’t say anything more, puts his book down, and turns the lamp off.

That night, Hyunjin dreams about how good it felt to be loved by him lifetimes ago.

Her mother-in-law pays them a visit a few days later saying she was in the neighborhood and wanted to bring some soup she made for the kids. Hyunjin thanks her in all earnesty and invites her inside. She doesn’t have the best relationship with the woman but she knows how much the kids love her.

Over tea, grandma Yang tells her about her youngest grandchild, how she’s having a hard time making friends at kindergarten, how much it’s stressing Lina and Seungmin out. She makes a comment about how easily the little girl gets along with Chan, and seeing how they’re at a similar age, Hyunjin should think about scheduling playdates with Lina. And the stupid, stupid woman, with a soft, soft spot for the adorable four year old, agrees.

That’s how she finds herself on a playground near her house on a Saturday at noon, truly the worst time for a person to be anywhere near a playground. Chan seems to be having the time of his life at least, safely tucked on a swing with his little cousin. Hyunjin looks away from him to take a better look at the woman watching over them.

Lina has a strange fashion sense for a woman in her mid-thirties, dressing like a person from before the Korean War. But for some weird reason it works for her. Standing there, in the sun in the flowy dress, pale colored with floral patterns, wind caressing her hair, she looks stunning. It just adds salt to the wound, really, how beautiful she is. She laughs loudly at a comment one of the kids made, and something in Hyunjin’s chest twists violently. She hasn’t felt this much jealousy in almost ten years.

After a while, the kids make up some game to entertain themselves with, and Lina joins Hyunjin in her corner of hatred. The woman doesn’t say anything, only sends her a small smile. The audacity of it all. She’s fucking her husband and still trying to play nice with her? Hmph! A few minutes pass, and Hyunjin’s train of thought is interrupted by the other woman’s soft, melodic voice.

“It’s a really nice day today,” she says. When Hyunjin doesn’t reply, she adds, “I’m really grateful for this, you know. Bokkie’s been having a hard time making new friends, she’s such a shy kid… I’m glad she can play around with her cousin. I was worried she was getting lonely.”

Hyunjin looks up at the other woman and tries her hardest to send her a smile but it comes out distorted. Lina laughs at that.

“If you want to, could we meet up again next week? My shop closes at 2 p.m., so we’d still have some time before the guys are back from work, right? I promised grandma Yang I’ll visit soon, you could bring Channie over, the kids could color together, or we could play them a movie,” she continues with a sweet smile, one Hyunjin is growing to hate really fast. “If you want to, of course. But look at them, they’re having so much fun together.”

Hyunjin sighs. She’s right.

“Yeah, sure, what about Wednesday?”

They start meeting more frequently, usually once or twice a week. Lina owns a flower shop, because of course she does, which means she’s free most afternoons. It’s almost nice, really. If Hyunjin concentrates hard enough to forget this woman is fucking her husband, she can almost enjoy those meetings. Lina is really sweet, she has a witty sense of humor, she tells fun stories, she’s always very kind to Chan, but it all feels like she’s driving a really sharp knife straight into Hyunjin’s heart. Everytime she looks into those gorgeous, big brown eyes, she feels like she’s willingly drinking poison.

She takes it out on her husband, of course she does. And he deserves it. She tries not to do it around the boys, but Changbin is just too perceptive for his own good. He doesn’t mind, though, he’s long noticed what a dog his father is.

“Hmm, so what did you and Lina get up to today, darling wife?” Jisung asks one evening when they’re cleaning up after dinner.

“Why don’t you ask her yourself? I don’t want to talk to you today,” Hyunjin replies in an annoyed voice.

“Oh, honey, and when would I even do that? The family dinners are so few and far between.” He flaps his eyelashes at her innocently. This stupid look would’ve worked wonders on her a decade ago, but they’re past that now.

“Do you really take me for an idiot?” She almost yells at him, but Changbin is doing his homework in the living room, and she doesn’t want him to listen to his parents fighting like this. She takes a deep breath, rubs the bridge of her nose, and starts again. “Stop playing dumb. I don’t have time for your games.”

“Oh, come on, sweetheart—” Jisung begins in that patronizing tone of his, but Hyunjin immediately interrupts him.

“Don’t call me that. You’ve lost your sweetheart privileges ten years ago.” She throws the dish towel she was holding into the sink, turns to him, and says the rest in an angry whisper. “You can fuck whoever you want as long as you own up to it. Don’t think I’m fucking blind, Jisung. You learned a song she mentioned in passing last month and brought a guitar to the Yangs’ house to play it for her. You’re disgusting. Finish this up on your own. I don’t want to look at you anymore.”

Hyunjin storms out of the kitchen, ignoring her asshole husband's pleas. On her way upstairs she snags a framed family picture from the piano. It’s from Chuseok three years ago, the whole family’s in it. Hyunjin locks herself up in the bathroom and sits on the edge of the bathtub, clutching the frame tightly in her hands.

She looks at Lina, her long brown hair, bangs sweeping her forehead, warm dark eyes, the gentle smile she’s sending the child in her arms, and feels tears welling up in her eyes. She will never compare to her. Just thinking about the fact that they’re scheduled to meet the day after tomorrow at the park makes Hyunjin want to throw up. Maybe she should cancel, fake an illness or something. Or give up, pack her bags and leave the house like she’ll probably be forced to in a matter of months.

But no, Chan’s been talking her ear off about the new toy he wants to show his cousin, she can’t do that to him, he’s been so happy these past few weeks. So, Hyunjin calms her nerves and locks eyes with herself in the mirror. God, she looks a mess—deep circles under her puffy eyes, hair not combed even once since she's been outside, clothes missmatched. Jisung has been slowly driving her into an early grave for a decade already, and he might finally succeed.

Hyunjin can’t be bothered to make herself look presentable for the playdate. They’re supposed to have a picnic, so she’s in the kitchen packing snacks for the kids when her older son enters the room.

“Mama, are you okay?” he says to Hyunjin’s absolute horror.

“What? What do you mean, sweetheart? Of course I’m okay,” she replies, hurriedly putting on her best fake smile.

“I’m not a child anymore, you know. You can talk to me if something’s wrong…”

That makes Hyunjin melt. Her darling boy with a heart too big for his chest. She hugs him and places a kiss on the top of his head.

“I promise I’m fine, don’t worry about me, okay? Now, don’t you have a club meeting to attend?”

“Well, fine, if you say you’re okay, I believe you,” he says and hugs her tightly before leaving.

As soon as she hears the door close, she grabs the nearest surface for support so that her legs don’t give out. It’s gotten so bad even her kids are affected. She can’t let this continue. She doesn’t care about Jisung hurting her anymore but she won’t let their fucked up marriage affect her sweet babies, no way. She has to talk to Lina today.

Oh god, what am I even supposed to say to that woman? Hyunjin thinks to herself. “Take him and get the hell out of our lives”? Or maybe “your disgusting antics are affecting my children”? Christ… She puts herself back together and returns to preparing things for the meeting.

They meet at a park nearby and pick a spot underneath an orchid tree to lay down blankets. A truly wonderful view for the absolutely horrific conversation that’s about to happen. Lina’s unpacking the fruit bowls she prepared onto the small wooden cutting board she brought along, careful not to drop anything on her dress. It’s nearly the same color as the flowers blooming above them. It really makes her eyes stand out. It also makes Hyunjin grit her teeth.

They exchange small talk while the kids eat, and as soon as they leave to run around the tree, Hyunjin steels herself for what’s about to come. She’s thought about it very hard on their way here, but now, faced with this woman and the pleased smile gracing her face, eyes closed to let sunlight dance on her eyelids, she’s at a loss for words.

She’s seething quietly for a few moments, before Lina opens her eyes and gives her a quizzical look. She seems to consider something, checks briefly whether the kids are out of earshot, and moves closer to Hyunjin, who bawls her fists up, nails digging into her palms to calm her.

Lina begins talking in a hushed tone, only loud enough for Hyunjin to hear and nobody else.

“Hyunjin-ah—”

“I’m older than you,” Hyunjin quickly interrupts. Lina laughs gently at that.

“Yes, you are, sorry. Unnie,” she says, fumbling with her dress, but stays quiet for a few moments. She looks ahead like she’s trying to pick the best way to say the next words. Finally, she sighs. “I’m not fucking your husband.”

“What?” Hyunjin whips her head around so fast she almost worries for her spine.

“I’m not stupid. I know it’s what you think of me. But really, I’m not. I only entertain his flirting during the family dinners because it drives Seungmin insane.” She giggles to herself at that. Hyunjin looks down at Lina’s hands and briefly thinks she’s going to tear a hole in her dress. “He’s asked me out for dinner a couple of times, even showed up at my shop twice with flowers, kind of a funny concept, as if I don’t have enough flowers around, ha! But I always turn him down.”

“Why?”

“Hmm?” Lina snaps her eyes to Hyunjin’s confused expression. “Oh... Well, I’ve never really had much interest in men, truthfully. It’s enough that I have to put up with the one I married. Besides, I thought it would be cruel towards you.”

She doesn’t know what to think. She spent months hating this woman, absolutely convinced she was having an affair with Jisung, just to find out it was all unrequited?

“Are you…” she says after a while. “Are you really not seeing him?”

Lina lets go of her dress and puts a hand over Hyunjin’s right one, where it’s resting over her thigh. She smiles reassuringly at her.

“I swear. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier, I never knew how to bring it up.”

“Oh, for god’s sake, don’t apologize.” Hyunjin puts her left hand over Lina’s without thinking. She feels so bad for how she’s been treating her, the guilt makes her stomach churn. “I assumed, it’s on me. I’m so sorry, I’ve been so cruel to you for weeks.”

“You weren’t that bad. I don’t think you have a cruel bone in your body.” Lina laughs sweetly. “And, hmm, it’s actually on neither one of us. I think we should blame Jisung.”

“Oh, we definitely should blame him. That nasty dog…” Hyunjin’s irritated expression makes Lina laugh again.

“But truly, Hyunjin, what are you still doing with him? You deserve so much better.” She can feel the other woman squeeze her hand reassuringly.

“You’re sweet, you really are, but where am I going to find a new husband at thirty eight years old and with two kids?”

“Oh, stop it. You’re a beautiful woman, Hyunjin-ah, really. I’m sure there are countless people who’d love to be with you.” Lina sends her a cryptic smile, like she often does. Hyunjin is never sure what they’re supposed to mean. She nudges Lina with her knee in response.

“I’m still older than you,” she says to the delight of the other woman.

Hyunjin sleeps peacefully that night for the first time in a while. Even Changbin picked up on the change in her demeanor when he got home, happy to see his mom feeling better. She wakes up in a pleased enough mood, but there’s still one thing bugging her.

She drops Chan off at the preschool and makes her way to Lina’s flower shop, unable to stop the train of thought that’s been chasing her all morning. It’s a fairly small establishment, decorated tastefully with various kinds of plants, flowers, and cute little figurines gracing most of the shelves. Lina is in the middle of arranging a bouquet when Hyunjin enters.

“Hmm? Oh, to what do I owe the honor, Hyunjin-ah,” she teases her with a surprised smile.

“Well… since we’re not enemies anymore—” Lina laughs at that “—I thought maybe I could come over and talk to you about something? It’s just been bugging me all morning.” Hyunjin makes her way to the counter and sits on a pink garden chair standing near it.

“Of course, I’m always more than happy to keep you company,” she says, the flowers she was holding before half-forgotten on the table.

“Well… You see, you told me yesterday you’re not interested in Jisung.” Lina nods her head and waits for Hyunjin to continue. She looks around the store briefly to make sure they’re alone before she speaks up again. “Well, I’ve actually… Well, I’ve accused him before of… fucking you. And he didn’t deny it.”

Lina laughs with her head thrown back. Hyunjin, startled by her reaction, momentarily lets her eyes flicker down to the other woman’s neck.

“Oh, he really is a nasty dog, that husband of yours!” Lina shakes her head, still laughing. “Is he really that confident? So many tries, and he still thinks he could charm me? Oh, please.”

Lina picks up the flowers again and returns to the bouquet she was assembling before. She continues talking with a joyous smile on her face. “If a stupid song played poorly on a guitar was enough to sway my heart, I would’ve been married ages before meeting Seungmin!”

“Well, it worked on me…” Hyunjin says, looking down at the floor and smiling sheepishly. Lina perks up at that and sends her another one of her cryptic looks.

“Oh, did it?”

“Yes, well, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. A cute boy comes into my life with a guitar and plays a song for me? Oh, I was swept off my feet.” Hyunjin gets up, gently touches one of the flowers scattered on the counter to ground herself. It smells so nice in here, the floral scent mixed with Lina’s sweet perfume. “He was good to me at first, made me feel like a heroine in a romantic comedy. But life isn’t a movie, it seems.”

“Seungmin was sweet in the beginning, too,” Lina replies, takes the flower Hyunjin was playing with, and adds it to the bouquet. “I didn’t mind being married to him much at the beginning but, honestly, I haven’t been able to stand him for the past two years. Thank god for my lawyer.”

Hyunjin freezes. Did she hear that correctly?

“Lawyer?”

“Oh, yes, we’re getting divorced. The shop stays mine, he keeps the apartment, fair exchange I’d say. I’ve been staying with my sister for the past few weeks. You’ve never questioned why we always meet so close to your house when Seungmin’s is pretty far away?” Lina laughs in that sweet way she does when she finds something absolutely ridiculous. Hyunjin chuckles, too.

“Well, I’ve been wondering, honestly, but I never had half the mind to ask, I was too busy hating your entire existence, especially since Jisung started coming home so late.”

“So he is still cheating! That dickhead!” Lina exclaims and slaps her hands on her hips in a dramatic manner. “I think we should kill him with hammers, actually.”

That makes Hyunjin laugh, laugh, and laugh, for the first time in what feels like months.

“A tempting proposition, I must say. Thank you for this, Lina, I feel so much better after talking to you. I’m sure you’re busy, I’ll get out of your hair,” she says and turns to leave.

“Please, dear, you’re always more than welcome here, it gets so awfully boring sometimes. Oh, but before you go, what are your favorite flowers? Now that we’re friends, I think it’s crucial for me to know.”

Hyunjin chuckles, looks back at the other woman and thinks for a second. “Roses, I think. I have a pretty basic taste. And I love anything pink, really.”

Lina looks down briefly at the pale pink dress she’s wearing, one of many in her collection. She smiles to herself and makes her way into the backroom. She returns (before Hyunjin can begin dissecting that short exchange in her mind) with a beautiful baby pink carnation with a golden bow tied masterfully on its stem.

“Not a rose, I know, but it’s pink and smells just wonderfully.” She hands the flower to Hyunjin, who just stares at it. “An olive branch, of sorts. Take it,” she adds with a small smile.

Hyunjin, suddenly overwhelmed, takes the flower, thanks the woman briefly, bids her farewell, and hurriedly exits the store. It’s been years since she’s gotten any flowers. And it’s just a sweet platonic gesture, really. So why is her heart beating so fast?

Hyunjin tries really hard not to think about the cause of her reaction to Lina’s gesture. She puts the flower in a vase on the dinner table and diverts her thoughts to other things any time her eyes stray in its direction. Jisung notices, stares the flower down like it personally insulted his entire family six generations back, but doesn’t comment. Her younger son does, however.

“Ooh, mama, this is such a pretty flower,” he exclaims during dinner, pointing his small hand in its direction.

“Thank you, sweetheart, it’s from auntie Lina,” Hyunjin replies and notices the way Jisung’s head jerks up violently.

“Auntie Lina! Yay! She’s so nice,” the sweet, unaware child replies.

“She is, isn’t she? Aren’t you glad you get to spend so much time with her and your cousin?” She pets Chan’s head lovingly while he wiggles his spoon around the vegetables in his bowl.

“Yes, mama. Can you ask them to come over on Friday? Dad gave me new puzzles. I want to play with them with Bokkie.”

Hyunjin looks Jisung straight in the eyes as she replies to their child’s delight. “Of course, sweetheart, I’ll call her right away.”

She spends the next few days watching her husband squirm around the house like a nervous chihuahua. It brings her joy to know how hard he’s trying to impress his sister-in-law to absolutely no effect. However, she also starts feeling nervous as the time for Lina to arrive approaches.

Not knowing what to do with herself, Hyunjin goes to stand in front of the bathroom mirror. The dark circles under her eyes are beginning to slowly disappear and she looks much healthier. She’s still not wearing any make-up, but she put more effort into assembling today’s outfit than she usually does. Her hair doesn’t look as dishevelled anymore, and she picks up a few bobby pins to tame the strays sticking out of her bun. Before she leaves, she sprays her neck and wrists with a nice floral fragrance she bought years ago.

God, I can’t even remember the last time I used this, she thinks to herself. What am I even doing this for? Why am I so nervous to meet her all of a sudden? I feel like a teenager with a crush. As soon as the thought forms in her head, she stops dead in her tracks. No, surely it’s just her being silly. That would never happen. She’s only ever had eyes for men, after all.

The doorbell rings soon after, and Hyunjin doesn’t have time to question her identity anymore. Lina and her daughter arrive in matching rouge dresses. The deep color makes the woman look wonderful, her brown hair matching it beautifully, dark eyes a stark contrast against the material. It could probably rival the color of Hyunjin’s ears right now.

What is wrong with me, she thinks, as she takes their belongings and leads them into the living room. The house itself is pretty spacious but poorly decorated, Hyunjin was never good at that, not the way Lina is. They usually meet either outside or at the Yangs’ house, but she’s been to Lina’s—well, Seungmin’s—apartment before, and it was so beautifully decorated, flowers and little trinkets everywhere, warm peach walls with swirling patterns giving life to everything. She smiles sheepishly, suddenly nervous that she invited the woman into her unaesthetic house.

“I hope you won’t judge me too harshly,” she says and Lina abandons the toys she was taking out of her daughter’s backpack.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the house—” Hyunjin gestures around and takes a seat next to the woman “—it’s not much, I know. I don’t have a knack for decorating.”

“Oh, stop it, Hyunjin-ah.” Lina pushes her playfully on the shoulder. “It’s cozy in here.”

“Yes, thank you, but I remember the way your apartment looked. You’re such a tasteful decorator, I was actually kind of nervous to invite you here.” Hyunjin plays with her necklace as she says it.

“Hm? You think I have a good eye for decor?” Her gaze flickers down momentarily to Hyunjin's hand. “Oh, dear, you shouldn’t have said that, now I’ll start bringing all sorts of weird knick-knacks over to litter your shelves.”

Hyunjin laughs at Lina’s delighted expression. “I’d love that, actually.”

The afternoon passes pleasantly. The kids, already done with the puzzles, decided to run around the garden pretending they’re digging for diamonds, for some reason. Jisung has made a few attempts at getting Lina’s attention throughout her stay here but she’s ignored all of them in favor of telling Hyunjin silly stories from Bokkie’s early childhood, so he left the women to enjoy the warm afternoon air on their own.

She can’t deny that the way Lina ignores the pathetic man’s flirting attempts and pays her undivided attention to Hyunjin and the kids is making her heart flutter.

What is happening to me, she thinks to herself when Lina pauses a story she’s been telling to fix her daughter’s pigtails. I’ve spent weeks hating this woman, so jealous that I felt like throwing up every single time I thought about her hands on Jisung’s neck, and now I’m acting this way around her. Unless…

Hyunjin halts her train of thought for a second to take a closer look at the other woman, the way her long hair falls over her shoulders, how her bangs are starting to graze her nose when she looks up, her slender fingers twisting the hair tie, the way she puckers her lips when she’s concentrating on something.

Unless it’s not her I was jealous of.

It takes all of her strength to push those thoughts away and contribute to the conversation. Lina’s just finished telling her about a trip their family went on a few years back, she’s sitting comfortably on the garden steps, her eyes trailing lazily after the kids who are still digging for treasure, a pleased smile on her face. Hyunjin can’t stop herself before she asks a question that’s been dancing around her head for a while.

“Why did you marry him?”

Lina turns to her, surprised. “Hmm? Why do you ask?”

“Well, the way you talk about him, it’s like you never loved him.”

“I never have,” Lina says honestly.

“Then why? I just can’t help but wonder, I’m sorry, you know how I am…” Hyunjin chuckles nervously, worried that she’s crossing the line.

“A hopeless romantic, I remember.” The other woman smiles, her hand drifting mindlessly to tug at the material of her dress, like it always does when she gets nervous, Hyunjin notices.

A cute habit, Hyunjin thinks, and then immediately follows it with a mental slap. Stop it, woman, pull yourself together.

Lina continues speaking after a moment. “Well, you see, I’ve always known I wanted to marry and have a child, but I could never find a man that satisfied me in any way. They were always too annoying, too ugly, too tiring to be around. Eventually, I realized I am just not interested in them at all,” she continues, still wrinkling the material between her long fingers. “So, I signed up for a marriage arrangement service. I figured if I can’t find a man I’d love, I’ll at least find a rich one, right?”

Lina laughs, and Hyunjin follows suit, but the confession makes something stir violently in her stomach.

“So this is how you met Seungmin?”

“Yes, exactly. The Yangs were pressuring him to find a woman, seeing as he was already over 30 and still single, so they signed him up.” Lina closes her eyes and lets the sun warm her face. She speaks with a calm voice, like the bomb she just dropped on Hyunjin’s head meant nothing, but her hands betray her.

Hyunjin reaches over to free the dress from Lina’s clutch, and the other woman laughs gently, surprised at the gesture.

“You’ll bore a hole in it one day,” she says and lingers for a while before letting go of her hand. Hyunjin isn’t sure whether the sunlight is playing tricks on her eyes or if Lina’s cheeks are slightly dusted pink now. The other woman swiftly picks up the story where she left off.

“He was nice at first, we were just living together as roommates, really. He’s a great father, too. But I just can’t stand him sometimes. It goes both ways, actually. I know he longs for someone who’ll love him, and… Well, I can’t give him that.” Lina spares a glance at the hand that was holding hers earlier. “So, a divorce is the best way to go.”

“Well, I hope you both will be happier now,” Hyunjin says and gets a sweet, genuine smile in response.

They sit around in a comfortable silence for a while before the kids get tired and return to their mothers, disappointed after not finding any hidden gems in the ground.

“Why is it so empty here, auntie?” Bokkie says as she climbs into her mother’s lap.

“Hmm, what do you mean, sweetheart?” Hyunjin replies to her niece, sweeping the girl's sticky bangs out of her eyes.

“There’s no flowers! It’s so sad! Mommy always says a pretty lady should be surrounded by pretty flowers at all times!”

“Oh, how sweet you are, are you saying I’m a pretty lady?” Hyunjin laughs as she dusts the dirt off her son’s shirt.

“That’s what mommy said,” the child answers innocently, blissfully unaware of the blushes that appear on both of the women’s faces. Hyunjin looks at Lina who’s smiling gently, and feels her heart hammer in her chest.

“Did she, now?” she says, directing the question to the woman.

“Oh, but sweet Bokkie is right, isn’t she? Don’t you think the garden would look better with flowers? What about you, Channie?” She nudges the kid’s shoulder gently, and he beams and nods his head enthusiastically in response.

“Oh, come now, Lina, you know I could kill a cactus, I don’t know anything about flowers,” Hyunjin replies, playing with her son’s hair. “Besides, how would I even arrange them? I’m terrible at that, you saw the living room. But, I do admit, it’d look lovely...”

The other woman doesn’t respond to that, just hums, seemingly lost in thought.

The rest of the afternoon passes quickly, with Lina not speaking much. She looks like she’s thinking really hard about something as she paces around the garden, looks at it from different angles, eyes quick and smart, calculating, planning. As the sun begins to set, she snaps a few quick pictures of the backyard and announces Bokkie and her have to head home.

Hyunjin spends the evening pointedly avoiding even straying into the direction of Lina in her thoughts. Meanwhile, her husband spends his time huffing and puffing, clearly annoyed at his advances getting turned down. It makes Hyunjin giggle a few too many times.

At 9 a.m. on the Saturday morning they’re awoken by a car honking in front of their house. Through the bedroom window Hyunjin notices that it belongs to Jisung’s younger brother. She hurriedly makes her way downstairs.

As she steps outside the door, she notices Lina in the passenger seat, a white T-shirt and a gardening hat on. She waves at Hyunjin happily and gets out of the car. Seungmin follows suit, slightly annoyed.

“Hey, lady!” Lina greets. “Get your good-for-nothing husband down here, I have things for him to carry inside.” She laughs and then notices Hyunjin’s older son appearing in the doorframe. “Oh, Changbinnie! You can help, too! I know those two old buffoons won’t get much done by themselves, we could always use the help of a young gentleman such as yourself!”

The boy happily joins his aunt and uncle just as Jisung emerges from the house.

“Alright, what’s all this then?” He quirks an eyebrow at his brother, who shrugs back.

“Get down here, you lazy old man, carry these into the garden, will you?” Lina gestures for him to come as she opens the trunk of her husband’s car. Hyunjin, curious, follows as well.

Inside the trunk are a bunch of different gardening tools, two bags of soil, and a few clay pots. Beside them, a plethora of small flowers in plastic containers.

“There’s more on the back seats. Bokkie’s been guarding them,” Seungmin says, slight amusement in his voice. A small “Yes, I have!” can be heard from inside the car.

“What are these for?” Jisung asks, dumbfounded. Lina rolls her eyes.

“Your sad little garden, genius. Now, chop, chop, move. They won’t just fly inside on their own.”

As the two annoyed men and one enthusiastic boy make their way to and from the house, Hyunjin stands back and takes a long look at Lina. This is the first time she’s seen her without a dress, just comfortable leggings and a thin T-shirt on, her hair braided and held up with a pin. She looks so… domestic. It makes Hyunjin warm inside.

“Lina,” she starts finally. “You shouldn’t have.” The other woman wags her finger in front of her face.

“Oh, no, no, no, that’s where you’re wrong, dear Hyunjin-ah, I most absolutely should have. Just you wait, I’m going to make your garden look so beautiful you won’t ever want to leave it again. I have everything planned!” Lina takes out her phone and points at it, her spirits high and her face decorated with a beautiful, happy smile.

“Thank you for this. So much.”

“Oh no, don’t thank me yet. You’re going to be serving me today!” Lina giggles mischievously.

Cute, Hyunjin thinks and pinches herself in her mind.

Lina continues. “My job’s digging around, and your job’s looking pretty and serving me cold drinks so I don’t pass out in one of the holes.”

Hyunjin blushes, damn her.

“And what about the guys?”

“The guys—” Seungmin interrupts, picking up more flowers from the back seats “—are taking the boys and Bokkie out to an arcade. Lina’s orders.”

“That’s right!” their daughter chirps in from inside the car, peeking her head out to smile at her aunt.

Once everything is carried inside, the kids are dressed, fed, and on their merry way, the two women are left alone in the house. Lina makes short work of arranging the small containers of flowers around the garden, checking in with the plans she drew up on her phone every few moments. Hyunjin sits back on the garden steps, admiring the other woman. The flowy materials she usually wears obstruct the view of her body, and now that they’re gone, Hyunjin can’t help but marvel at the sight. She traces her eyes along every curve as Lina bends down and stands up, putting a flower here, another one there. A strange, forgotten feeling rises inside Hyunjin, and she has to tear her eyes away.

“It’s really hot out today,” she says, standing up. She clears her throat. “I’ll go prepare some drinks.”

“Hm? Oh, but it’s still rather cold…” Lina mumbles to herself as the other woman hastily retreats inside the house.

In the kitchen, Hyunjin has to take a few deep breaths to calm her trembling hands before she starts slicing fruits. She puts a water pitcher on the counter, throws some ice cubes inside, and picks up a few other ingredients. She cuts an orange in half, hears Lina singing softly to herself through the open window, and makes the absolute mistake of looking up. The sight of the other woman bent down, hand around a small shovel, moving a little as she digs a hole, makes Hyunjin squeeze the orange she’s holding so hard the juice spills all over the counter.

What the fuck is happening to me, Hyunjin thinks to herself as she begins wiping off the mess she’s made.

Lina makes short work of rearranging the garden, and the more flowers she adds, the more beautiful it looks. She’s in the middle of digging a deeper hole for the biggest plant she brought with her. It looks like a young tree, small peaches hanging from its little branches. Hyunjin has to look away, again, to stop her inner monologue from sounding like a teenage boy seeing a woman for the first time. She fans herself slightly and distracts her thoughts by admiring the shapes Lina arranged the colorful flowers in. She’s really such a talented, artistic woman. Smart, too… And beautiful…

You’re doing it again, Hyunjin, focus. Be normal. She’s just a friend, she reminds herself.

A few minutes pass, and Lina stands up, clearly satisfied with her work. She beckons the other woman to join her.

“So, what do you think?”

Hyunjin takes in the sights around her. It’s beautiful, truly beautiful. She never thought her home would look this way.

“Ah, Hyunjin-ah, you don’t have to say anything, the smile on your face tells me all,” Lina says, a grin stretching across her features.

And so she doesn’t respond, just hugs the woman tightly. Hyunjin makes sure to catalogue the way she smells, sweat mixed with a beautiful sweet scent, the way every inch of Lina’s body feels pressed against hers, how soft her hair feels against her cheek. She notes it all down in her mind and puts it away to pick at later. She doesn’t understand why she does it, she doesn’t understand herself lately.

Lina laughs, overjoyed, and Hyunjin can feel the rumble of her laughter deep inside her own chest. She reluctantly lets go of her soon after, but the emptiness in her arms is forgotten as soon as she sees the other woman’s warm smile.

“However will you pay me back, dear Hyunjin-ah?” Lina asks and pinches the other woman’s arm playfully.

“I was actually wondering the same…”

“Well, then stop! I know just the thing!”

Hyunjin perks up at that, tilts her head to the side and sends Lina a quizzical look. The woman smiles mischievously.

“Oh, it’s nothing bad, don’t you worry your pretty head.” She leads the two women out of the sunlight to the small bench in the shade. “Bokkie was just talking my ear off about wanting a sleepover. My sister, Jeonginnie, you’ve met her before, right?” She waits for Hyunjin to confirm.

“I remember her, you’ve brought her to Chuseok before. She seemed really nice.”

“She’s a gem,” Lina says, “and she’s out of town for the week. I was thinking you could bring Channie over, have some peace and quiet without the old man yapping at the dinner table. I’m sure the kids would be overjoyed. We could put out mats for them to sleep on in the living room, I’d take Jeongin’s room and you’d take mine. Perfect plan, you must agree!”

Hyunjin takes in the other woman’s enthusiasm and can’t quell her own. She agrees earnestly.

They spend the rest of their time alone idling in the garden, talking about nothing in particular, just enjoying each other’s company. Hyunjin’s eyes constantly dart between the colorful rows of roses decorating her garden and the woman responsible for them, talking in a hushed, lazy voice, beads of sweat gently glistening on her forehead. Hyunjin’s hand itches to reach out and wipe them away. She feels so warm inside it’s making her dizzy, she hasn’t felt this way in over a decade. Something dangerous she doesn’t quite understand yet threatens to bloom inside her chest.

And if she spends the next few days quietly counting hours until the next time she sees Lina, then nobody has to know.

The sleepover day approaches, and Chan is so excited he can’t seem to sit in one spot for longer than a few seconds. Changbin is too, happy to know his mother’s going to spend some quality time with a friend and the house will be quiet for a night. Jisung makes a weird comment during the day, but Hyunjin pays him no mind, too busy wondering what to wear.

When did I start caring about my looks again? She browses through her closet and finally produces a nice, beige knee-length skirt and a white, flowy shirt with a floral pattern.

Lina would look wonderful in this, she thinks before she stops herself, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath, trying to shoo the thought away. She makes her way to the bathroom and pulls out the long abandoned make-up box. She dusts her cheeks with a beautiful pink color, adds a glittery peach shadow to her eyelids, spreads a sweet-smelling lip gloss over her lips. She takes great care arranging her hair, uses golden accessories she hasn’t taken out of her closet in years. Once she’s done, she takes a long look at herself and decides that she looks and feels beautiful. She can’t believe she let her cheating, unloving husband make her forget what an incredible woman she is. Thankfully, Lina’s here to help remind her.

Ah, Lina…

The walk to the other woman’s apartment is tedious, her five year old way too excited to be acting normally, but it’s all worth it when Lina opens the door. She’s wearing one of her many beautiful dresses, lavender this time, and Hyunjin can tell she put an equal amount of care into doing her make-up—eyeliner carefully drawn, golden highlighter glistening on her cheeks, rosy lipstick shade decorating her lips, half of her hair tied carefully at the back. On all accounts, she looks stunning. Beautiful. But then again, she always does.

The apartment isn't big, but it’s insanely cozy. Traces of Lina’s bright personality can be seen on every surface, not in a way that would clash with her sister’s bold tastes, though. Once the kids are busy coloring, Hyunjin allows herself to take a look around. She drags her eyes across the photos displayed here and there, of Lina in high school, of her in college.

“I was quite the stunner back then, wasn’t I?” The woman in question comes up behind Hyunjin and picks up one of the photos. It’s of her with a rather short, more masculine haircut, wearing simple comfortable clothes, just a cardigan and loose pants.

“I think you got even prettier with age,” Hyunjin says and makes an effort not to look at Lina’s reaction. “But I can’t help but wonder, whatever happened to your fashion sense?”

Lina laughs heartily. “Ah, you see, it’s an acquired taste. I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding femininity, now that I’ve grown to like it, I’ve just been going all out.” She smiles at the picture and puts it back where it belongs.

“What is it, did you enjoy my tomboy phase more?”

Hyunjin chuckles slightly. “No, not at all. I adore your current fashion sense, it’s so refreshing.”

The other woman accepts the compliment graciously, and Hyunjin carries on her sightseeing tour. She admires all of the cute knick-knacks, clearly Lina’s, and the giant collection of music albums, clearly Jeongin’s, until she reaches a rather large, wooden instrument on a stand by the window.

“Gayageum? Do you play? Or does your sister?” Hyunjin asks, curiosity and delight visible on her face. Lina just laughs and points to a nearby photo of the two siblings, one dressed in a beautiful hanbok, the other in a band tee and ripped dark jeans.

“Take a guess, sweetheart.” She laughs, but there’s a dangerous look in her eyes. “Would you like to hear?”

“Of course! Why are you even asking? Of course I’d love to hear!” Hyunjin answers hurriedly. Lina laughs again and drags two small stools from across the room.

“Sit down,” she says as she circles the zither to take a seat on the other side. “Kids, you don’t mind if I make some brief noise, right?”

The children both yell a chorus of “no”s without lifting their heads up from their coloring books.

She watches the woman sit down, place her long fingers on the strings, and pucker her lips, wondering what to play. Hyunjin wipes her sweaty palms on her skirt and takes a calming, shuddering breath as Lina begins plucking the strings. The world stops and keeps on spinning at the same time.

The melody is so beautiful, it’s like listening to a wild river flowing or the wind dancing amongst tree tops. Lina moves her hands swiftly with measured precision, she looks like a professional. Every string she plucks, every note she plays, it’s like writing a poem, it’s like painting the most beautiful landscape. She’s making art for Hyunjin’s ears and her ears only, and as she realizes this, tears well up in her eyes.

It’s the single most romantic gesture anyone’s made for her since she was out of college. But should Hyunjin interpret it this way? Can she, truly? What would this mean for the two of them? What would the fact her heart is threatening to jump out of her throat mean for her?

She tries to focus on the melody but can barely hear it above her heartbeat. She takes in every move Lina makes and commits it to her memory, one by one, to the best of her ability. She looks so beautiful in that moment, eyes closed, head swaying to the melody, as her fingers instinctively find their way around the instrument, that sweet, sweet smile adoring her lips.

Finally, once she’s done, she opens her eyes and looks at Hyunjin in that cryptic way she often does. The kids offer their generous applause, she bows gracefully and promises them that yes, she will teach them how to play whenever they want, and yes, she’s sure they’ll be wonderful musicians. Lina’s attention returns to the woman soon enough, and she studies her face. Hyunjin’s tears have spilled over her cheeks, dragging the glitter off her eyelids and across her face, her lips trembling, but she’s smiling so hard it hurts, her fingers wrapped tightly around the fabric of her skirt in a poor attempt to ground herself.

“Hm, you liked it, I take it?” Lina tilts her head to the side and returns the smile.

“That was…” Hyunjin sniffles, goes to dry her tears but remembers the make-up she’s wearing. “God, I don’t even have words. That was wonderful. I felt like I was watching the Mona Lisa being painted.”

“Oh, yes, praise me more, my sweet,” Lina says as she reaches for a box of tissues from a nearby shelf. She plucks one out and gently dabs at Hyunjin’s cheeks, careful not to disturb the make-up. “I know it’s no guitar, but—”

Hyunjin can’t help but burst out laughing at that. Clearly that was Lina’s intention because she joins her immediately.

“Please, that was a million times better than anything he’s ever played for me. No, a billion. A trillion, actually!” Hyunjin tries to joke, but she’s actually telling the truth. Yes, Jisung’s amateur performances in university might have charmed her, but this… They were nothing compared to what Lina just did.

Lina smiles, satisfied with the work she’s done on Hyunjin’s cheeks. The cryptic look is back on her face, and a mischievous glint appears in her eyes. She tilts her head slightly.

“I’m winning, then?”

Hyunjin takes in a sharp breath, and her brain short-circuits. The other woman notices her expression, of course she does, the perceptive person she is, and her smile widens.

“Hmm,” Lina hums, pleased. “Of course I am.”

Lina lets Hyunjin’s brain reboot after that, busies herself with preparing a little sleeping nest on the living room floor for the younglings. They run around her in circles and passionately tell her about some kids show the both of them enjoy. She listens attentively, adds “ooh”s and “that’s so cool”s every once in a while, and the kids seem satisfied with that. Once she’s done and the children settle down on their temporary beds to babble about whatever it is that four and five year olds talk about, Lina makes her way back to Hyunjin.

“May I be so bold as to suggest a glass of soju?” she asks with an innocent smile.

“God, I don’t even remember the last time I drank alcohol.” Hyunjin answers truthfully. She really doesn’t. Maybe before Changbin was born.

“I figured. Come on, I can see how stressed you’ve been these past few months, it’ll do you good to relax a bit. Plus, I’m told I get really funny after a drink.”

And so, she agrees. They make their way onto the small sofa standing on the balcony. The view is amazing, a few stories up and facing the river that flows through their town. The sun’s set over an hour ago, and the air is fresh and pleasant.

They sip their drinks in silence, the sweetness of the flavored alcohol nice on Hyunjin's tongue. She notices Lina looking at her and decides to meet her eyes. Bad decision, actually. She gets absolutely lost in them. Hyunjin thinks that all the poets comparing people’s eyes to the night sky must’ve been looking into Lina's, big and beautifully brown, with a million lights dancing inside them. She doesn’t even have to look up, really, she can see all of the stars reflected on her face, even the ones normally invisible in an urban environment. Lina blinks at her rapidly a few times, her eyelashes sweeping across her cheeks gently, cute, and giggles to herself.

“What is it?” Hyunjin asks, feeling bold all of a sudden.

“You cried earlier, and the tears smudged glitter all across your cheeks.” Lina mindlessly grabs her dress with her free hand and starts twisting the material around. “It shines so prettily in this low light, you know. You look like you have galaxies on your face.”

Lina giggles again while Hyunjin tries to swallow her heart back down.

“Sorry if this is a bit bold, it’s just… I don’t know. You just look really pretty right now. I don’t even feel like I need to look up at the sky because what I’m seeing in front of me is much better.” She laughs to herself quietly.

Hyunjin doesn’t know where she finds the courage to say her next words, but she will thank every god under the sky later for the sudden burst of confidence.

“I was actually just thinking the same about you,” she says to her own surprise. And the absolutely breathtaking smile she gets in return makes every painful moment she’s ever been through in her life worth it.

Hyunjin's been in such a giddy mood ever since the conversation on the balcony that everyone around her picked up on it. The boys are delighted to see their mother smiling from ear to ear, her husband much less so. He keeps his comments to himself mostly, and when he does say something out loud, Hyunjin simply lets it fly over her head. It’s amazing how he doesn’t affect her mood anymore, after years of insecurity and annoyance caused by him.

She should probably think about what it all means for her on a deeper level, but she’s terrified of opening that box, too scared of what she’ll find inside.

They’re sitting on a bench in a park on a beautiful day, enjoying sunlight and the kids’ delighted screams, playing yet another one of the silly games they’ve invented themselves, when Lina gasps suddenly.

“Oh! I forgot! I completely forgot!” She turns to her purse and begins rummaging through it. After a while, satisfied, she pulls out a small thing wrapped in pale pink paper and hands it to Hyunjin.

“For me?”

“Yes, silly, for you. Open it. I saw it, and I thought of you.”

Hyunjin doesn’t bother hiding the smile that spreads across her lips. She gently unties the golden ribbon holding the gift together and unwraps the paper. Inside, she finds a small frog figurine, positively adorable.

“I remind you… of a frog?”

Lina laughs. “No, remember how we went on a walk by the river a few weeks ago? Little Channie wanted to see a frog up close, and you got your shoes wet trying to catch one for him.” The sunlight playing on her face makes her look like an angel as she speaks with a big smile stretching across her lips. “It was so cute. So, when I saw this, I immediately thought of you.”

Hyunjin rotates the small figurine between her trembling fingers, her heart growing three sizes. The way Lina always pays attention to her makes her feel like a flower blooming under the care of the best florist in the world. And, in a way, that’s exactly what she is.

She looks back at the woman and notices that damned unreadable look on her face again. Although, if Hyunjin spent more than a few minutes thinking about it, she’d know exactly what goes through Lina’s head.

“You’re staring a lot today, do I have something on my face?” She opts for a joke instead.

“Sorry, it’s just… I’ve never seen you with your hair down before.” Hyunjin pauses at that. She’s been putting so much more care into her looks lately, especially when meeting Lina, she’s noticed that much. She’s trying really hard not to think about the meaning of it, but it’s obvious, isn’t it?

“Ah, I just wanted to try something new. It’s kind of bothering me, though. I don’t like the feeling of it over my neck.”

Lina seems to get an idea, judging by the look in her eyes. “Let me braid it for you.”

“What?”

“Your hair. Let me braid it. I’ve never seen you with your hair loose, but I’ve also never seen you in a braid. I’m really good at it. I'll have you know I've had many satisfied customers!”

Hyunjin looks at Lina's excited expression and smiles back.

“Fine, do your worst.”

“Quite the opposite, Hyunjin-ah, I shall do my best!”

It’s not like Hyunjin hasn’t been touched in a decade, really. Jisung and her still fuck, occasionally, when both of them happen to be in the mood and she’s sure he didn’t bring any diseases home. But it’s devoid of any love, and it lacks intimacy. This, Lina running her fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, carefully dragging her manicured nails along her scalp, is better than anything her husband’s done for her in bed in years. These gentle touches as she separates her hair into sections feel like being kissed all over.

Lina takes her sweet time, paying extra attention to every strand of hair she holds. Her hands move carefully, collecting strays from Hyunjin’s forehead, temples, neck. She hums a melody to herself, the same one she played on the gayageum all those nights ago, and Hyunjin lets herself get lost in the moment for a while, drifts along reality and commits to memory just how good Lina’s fingers feel running through her hair for later, for the thoughts she shuns away at night.

After a few moments, Lina awakens her from the trance by tapping her shoulder gently.

“Here, hold this for me for a second.” She hands her the end of an intricately put together braid and fiddles with her dress. She unties one of the many rose-colored ribbons adoring her garment and ties it carefully around Hyunjin’s hair into a neat bow.

“Just one of the many skills I picked up at work,” she laughs and rushes around the bench to admire her work.

“And? How is it? Does it suit me?”

“My, oh my, you really look good in anything. Oh, Hyunjin-ah, you should let me braid your hair more often!” Lina claps her hands enthusiastically, and Hyunjin’s inner monologue supplies the answer for her.

I would let you do anything you want to me.

What?

Hyunjin stays up hours past her usual bedtime tossing and turning, unable to get the day’s events out of her head. In the room, dimly lit only by the moonlight, she stares at the dried carnation hanging off her wall, then at the small green figurine on her nightstand. Her stomach churns. When Jisung’s snoring stops for the third time and he huffs angrily, she gives up on sleep and makes her way downstairs.

She brews herself tea and decides to go outside, into the garden. She makes her way past the rows of beautiful blooming roses onto the bench at the back. She sets her tea down and turns to the small tree Lina planted nearby. She grabs one of the peaches, turns it gently in her fingers, and plucks it off the branch. She brings it up to her lips, and the smell reminds her so strongly of Lina’s sweet perfume that she just feels like crying.

Hyunjin looks up at the moon, begging for answers, but the stars huddling around it make her think of Lina’s eyes. Everywhere she looks, she sees her. In the sunshine, in the light flickering off of water's surface, in the birds singing their songs, in the petals falling from blooming trees, in the stray cats lazing around in the afternoon sun, in the bees dancing above colorful flowers, in the sweet laughter coming from open windows out in the streets, in the clouds moving across the sky, in her favorite melodies, everywhere, Lina, Lina, Lina, Lina, Lina. She’s in her thoughts, she’s in the air she breathes, she’s in her veins.

Hyunjin thinks about the way the other woman makes her feel, how her entire body sparks with electricity whenever she accidentally brushes her knuckles against hers, how Lina placing her hands on Hyunjin’s hips as she was passing behind her in the kitchen once made her shiver so bad she almost dropped the cup she was washing, how her little touches make her breath catch—a shoulder pat here, a knee nudge there, plucking off an eyelash off her cheek, brushing stray hair back behind her ear when Hyunjin’s hands aren’t free. She thinks about the way Lina’s laughter makes Hyunjin’s lungs vibrate with excitement, how her smiles make her heart grow in size, how her humming makes her feel like she’s dissolved into a puddle of honey.

She thinks about Lina’s eyes, her long eyelashes, her cheeks, the slope of her nose, her elegant fingers, her long hair, the bangs fluttering over her eyebrows, her neck, her lips, her beautiful lips, god, what she would've given to taste them.

And there it is, really.

The revelation she’s been dreading, avoiding, anxiously pushing away.

Is it too late to have a sexual identity crisis at thirty eight?

Well, it better not be. Because Hwang Hyunjin is in love with her best friend.

She stays in the garden, wondering what the family will think. She still doesn’t care much for the in-law’s reaction. The kids should be fine. Changbin, bless his heart, is growing up to be the sweetest young man the planet has ever seen, and he’ll understand, he’d love to see his mother happy. Chan is too young to question, he’ll probably be excited he’ll get to see his cousin more often. Bokkie will be fine, too, she’s a little sweetheart. Jisung… Well, after the hell he’s put her through over the past decade, he doesn’t get a say. Seungmin will probably get mad, but with the divorce settlement coming to a close, he doesn’t really get an opinion either. Lina’s sister shouldn’t have an issue with it, judging by the political artworks scattered around her apartment. Besides, they’ve met before and she was really sweet.

Lina, however… Does she feel the same way?

Hyunjin arranges for grandma Yang to take the children in for an afternoon. She’s delighted at the proposition, of course she is, she loves taking care of her grandkids. That leaves the two women alone to spend time however they please. Hyunjin is about to suggest a walk by the riverside, when Lina excitedly exclaims she wants to visit the flower gardens.

As they walk amongst the colorful bushes, Lina pointing out flowers she likes here and there, Hyunjin tries to steel her resolve and calm her raging heart. Finally, they make it to a less crowded part of the garden.

“Lina…” she starts hesitantly. The other woman stops abruptly and turns around, alarmed by the tone of Hyunjin’s voice.

“Yes, dear, what is it?”

“There’s something I have to tell you. I’ve been sitting on this revelation for a few days now, and I fear that if I keep it in any longer, it might simply kill me.” She laughs gently, but her eyes betray how nervous she is. Seeing that, Lina immediately grabs onto her dress for comfort, as Hyunjin predicted she would. She’s anxious, too. That’s a good sign, right?

Lina waits patiently for her to continue, her eyes big and afraid.

“I… God, if I misread all of this, I swear. You can laugh in my face, really, you can even push me, or, or—” she stops her ramblings as the other woman raises an eyebrow at her and tilts her head.

“What I’m trying to say is. It’s... What I’m trying to say is. God, why is this so hard? Was it this hard seventeen years ago, too? Did I forget just how difficult this is? Why am I acting like a nervous teenager about to ask her crush out?”

Lina’s expression clears, the knowing glint in her eyes. She knows. Hyunjin doesn’t even have to say it, of course she knows, that clever woman.

She lets go of the material she was wrinkling with her fingers and steps closer, takes Hyunjin’s hand carefully between hers.

Here, under the orchid tree, amongst rows of roses, she holds her hand.

Here, under the orchid tree, amongst rows of roses, the sunlight above them, the late spring breeze, the birds’ song, their hearts hammering together as one, Lina kisses her.