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“-and so you’ve got everything you need?” Chan asks, voice floating thru the air as Felix clicks the button to switch it to speaker.
Both of the twins stop what they are doing to look toward the sound, identical confused expressions crossing their faces.
“Yes, Channie,” He responds fondly, zipping up the bag.
“Diapers? Snacks? The special baby headphones Jinnie found to-”
“Hyung!” Felix interrupts before Chan can really pick up steam. “The whole point of this was to keep you stress free before your big show. If that’s not possible, then maybe we should cancel.”
“No, no,” he responds quickly. “It’s fine, I’m fine! You don’t need to worry about it, just the kiddos and yourself of course!” The desperate tone leveling off as he tries to direct them back to the original topic.
“Minho should be swinging by soon, yeah?”
“Yah, I’m already here Bang Chan-ssi, which means you should be getting ready for sound check instead of harassing poor Yongbokie,” Minho answers for himself, yelling from where he’s toeing off his shoes in the entryway.
“We’ll be fine Channie. See? Minho-hyung is here to help out a-and manager-nims have already arranged for everything to be perfect, okay? So go and get ready with Changbin-hyung and Jisungie and we’ll see you later, okay? “
“Okay, baby. Just- just let me talk to Minho real quick, okay? I love you.”
Felix rolls his eyes, but grabs the phone nonetheless. “We love you, too, Here he is.”
He clicks off the speaker as he hands it off to Minho. It’s not hard to guess the type of thing Chan wants to discuss with Minho. Something about keeping an eye on them and making sure the babies are safe. Felix huffs. Really, as if he isn’t perfectly capable of doing it all by himself!
Almost out of spite, he plops himself onto the bench in front of the high chairs and takes to feeding the twins with determination. Juliette responds enthusiastically, hands banging against the table top, mouth dropping open excitedly as Felix plucks a piece of chicken off of the plate and drops it into her mouth. Isaac, on the other hand, is still looking for the source of Dada’s voice, eyes tracking Minho’s movements as he absentmindedly grabs a piece of kimchi to shove into his mouth.
Minho drifts back in their direction, allowing Felix to catch the tail end of the conversation, which seems to be making the same point he had been thinking earlier.
“-tween the two of us and all the extra security, the Boklings will be just fine, which you will see for yourself later tonight. I will deliver them all into your loving arms personally. Now stop bothering Yongbok and go find Hannie. I’m sure he could use your mother-henning instead.”
“Bye, Channie! We love you!” Felix calls out, knowing Minho is unlikely to relinquish control of the phone with him still on the line.
“I’m hanging up on you now, hyung. As you have told me in such great detail, I have precious cargo to attend to.”
With a click, the call disconnects and Minho slides Felix’s phone into his own pocket.
“You know he’s gonna text me something now anyway.”
“Yeah, but I’m hoping he’ll get the memo when you don’t respond instantly. Hyung was anxious enough with just the seven of us. Now he’s got two real kids to worry about. It’s a wonder he ever sleeps at night.”
“Better now that the twins sleep through the night, atleast. And it doesn’t take nearly as much to bribe him into bed anymore.”
Minho snorts. “Bok-ah, the only thing that has changed regarding your power over Chan-ssi is your own willingness to use it. I’m willing to bet he would have come to bed early before the twins if you had asked.”
Felix flushes but says nothing, thankful Minho has already turned to wander down to the hall closet
“Hyung, while you’re back there, grab a couple more diapers and a new thing of baby wipes? They should be under the sink. I just realized the travel-sized one in the diaper bag is just about out.”
Felix gets an affirmative noise in response.
“Yongbok-ah. Is there something you are trying to tell me?” Minho’s tone is odd, calm with an edge of something, like someone’s messed up a step during a recording and hasn’t fessed up yet . Felix whips his head around to meet his eyes and finds him standing at the entryway with-
“Oh.”
Pregnancy tests.
Minho’s already raised eyebrow climbs further towards his hairline.
“This was right on top of the wipes, I thought maybe-”
“No!” Felix interrupts, a lump forming in the back of his throat. “I- I mean, I’m not trying to tell you something. They were just leftovers from- from earlier.”
It’s not technically a lie. That fact does lessen the burn he feels as he swallows it down.
“So you and hyung aren’t trying again yet? Following the recommendation of your doctor?”
The problem with Minho is that he’s like a bloodhound when he catches a scent, and the look on his face tells Felix he’s locked in.
Suddenly, the attention is all too much. Felix forces himself to turn back to the babies, hoping the smiles they give him are enough to quell the threatening tears. There’s no more food to try and feed them, so Felix makes a show of cleaning them up and ignoring the near silent pad of Minho’s feet as he comes to stand beside him.
“I didn’t mean to intrude,” Minho starts carefully, pulling a wet wipe from the box in his hands before moving to mirror Felix’s actions on the other side.
“No, no it’s not your fault, it’s just.. “
“I’m on birth control. Now, I mean. You know we want more kids, but so soon after the twins would be … irresponsible. I- I know that. Especially with, like, the timing? Like, the rest of the guys get back in the next year or so, and then that means another tour and-”
“Yongbok!” Minho cuts him off, hand coming to his elbow to still his nearly flailing arm.
“It was an accident, really. “
“And Chan knows?”
Felix smiles almost in spite of himself.
“Channie hardly left me out of his sight long enough to let me use the bathroom on my own. There was no way for me to hide a potential pregnancy. Especially with how bad the morning sickness was coming back already. It wasn't’- “
Felix stops himself, taking the moment for a deep breath. He reaches, instead, for the safety latch around Juliette’ waist, lifting her into his arms. With her tucked safely against his chest, he can bury his nose in her hair. He lets the smell wash over him, the combination of the scent of milk and children’s shampoo strangely calming. If Felix looks hard enough, he thinks he could detect the last notes of the new-baby smell that had been so intoxicating and apparent for weeks after the birth. He drops a kiss onto the crown of her head and wills himself to continue.
“You know, one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage in the first twelve weeks? So many people miscarry without even realizing they were pregnant, so at least we knew right? At least we could mourn them? Even if they were never really them to begin with?”
Felix chokes on his last words and tucks himself deeper into Juliette’ wispy, dark hair. If she’s confused by her father’s behavior, she doesn’t react, allowing Felix to cry into her hair as he rocks her back and forth on instinct. A hand comes to stroke at the small of his back.
“Appa?” Isaac’s voice calls from somewhere beside him.
Felix looks up to see where he is held in Minho’s arms but viscously wiggling, trying to escape.
“Appa!” He repeats, more distressed, his tiny hands opening and closing as he leans towards Felix with his arms outstretched.
Minho tries to pull him closer, no doubt whispering about how appa has his hands full, but this- Felix can manage. Wordlessly, he shifts Juliette to his opposite hip and reaches out to pull Isaac onto his other. As he leans down to press a kiss to Isaac’s head, his small hand lands on his cheek and attempts a gentle patting motion.
“Appa?” Isaac’s vocabulary is limited but his eyes are as expressive as his father’s.
“I know, baby. Appa is sad so he’s crying. That’s a big emotion, I know! But it’s okay to cry, remember?” Felix turns his head so the palm of Isaac’s hand rests on his lips instead. He peppers kisses against it until his throat clears.
“But now that I’ve felt a big feeling. I’m hungry! Raaaaaaah!!”
Opening his mouth, Felix lets his fingers fall in and feigns chomping sounds. He shakes his head and wiggles his body, and listens as both babies giggle and shriek along with him. Minho watches carefully, blinks once, twice, then nods.
“Okay. Now that we’ve had our big feelings, I think it’s time for us to get ready, hm? Gonna go see dada.”
The rest of their afternoon is comparably less eventful.
The twins put up a minimum fuss as Minho and Felix work together to strip them out of their (already dirty, Felix could cry, he never realized someone so little could generate so much laundry) clothes and re-dress them in more appropriate concert outfits. Felix had ordered the specially designed onesies on a whim after being struck by inspiration during a particularly rough night of twins six month sleep regression. He hasn’t had a reason to use them before but judging by Minho’s half snort of laughter as he takes in the words “PROD. CB97”, it was the right choice.
The set matches perfectly with Felix’s own shirt, an oversized 90’s style character tee decorated in pictures of Chan, a gift courtesy of Hannah the last time she had visited, so Felix doesn’t protest when Minho insists on snapping some photos. The twins cooperate for once, following along eagerly as Felix guides them through each photo. They are just wrapping up, Felix trying to encourage them to stand, tiny palms pressed against his thighs for balance, when the manager calls up. From there, it’s fifteen minutes before they greet the security team in the underground car park and still another ten to wrestle the carseats into place before they leave. The drive over is spent trying to keep the twins entertained enough to not fall asleep and before Felix knows it, they’re pulling past lines of fans and into the VIP entrance.
A small cry goes up from the crowd as the doors to the panel van slide open. A pair of Chan’s managers are already in place and pull the double stroller out of the trunk with practiced efficiency. Minho steps out, lifting a cursory hand in acknowledgement to the eager group before reaching back and grabbing the carseat nearest him. He lowers the sunshade, shielding Isaac from view before nosey cameras can point in his direction. Once the seat pops into place, he offers a hand to Felix, who takes it as he steps down with Juliette’s seat pinched carefully between forearm and bicep. With her seat locked into place alongside her brother’s, the security team is quick to guide them into and through the venue, the muffled sounds of camera shutters following them around every corner.
It’s not long from when they finally get into their seats that the show finally begins. While the twins had fought against the headsets initially, the introductory VCR is enough to distract them into semi-compliance. There is a half moment where Felix thinks he will be able to get away with handing Juliette off to Minho, but her ironclad grip on his collar discourages the thought.
Unwilling to risk upsetting them, Felix instead dutifully tucks one baby into the crook of each elbow, ignoring the way the plastic headphones dig into his ribs. The lights and video from the performances are still bright and shiny enough to keep the twins entertained, but Felix knows better than to grow complacent. He bounces his legs in time with the music, his pointer fingers held captive by tiny hands that try to clap along as best as they can.
Every so often, Chan will show up for a solo shot long enough that their generic giggles turn into enthusiastic shouts, calling for, “Dada!”
It’s not all fun and games— Felix has to sneak the kids out for a quick feed and diaper change—but all things considered, it’s not bad for such a public outing with a pair of eight month olds. Minho is kind enough to go along with, dutifully swinging the diaper bag over his shoulder as he hoists a baby onto his hip, and tutting at Felix when he tries to protest.
They manage to shuffle back in right before the audience-interaction part of the concert, the camera panning to their section mere moments after they’ve settled back into their seats. Felix doesn’t see himself on the screen so much as he hears the roar that goes up when the crowd and camera catches sight of two other members of Stray Kids. Minho takes the opportunity to stand Isaac on his lap and Felix follows suit with Juliette. The twins laugh along, bouncing and waving their hands until the screen is cut and Chan shows up on the other half. The kids recognize him almost immediately and make it their mission to get to him, hands reach desperately towards the screens as Chan smiles and waves and blows kisses at the camera, seemingly in their direction.
After a moment's consideration, Felix blows his own kiss back and pantomimes with Juliette the same. A massive “Awe,”’ rises up from the crowd and Felix can’t resist the urge to cover his face as he laughs, thankful his blush doesn’t translate on screen.
At the end of the first encore song, the security team shuffles them out of the box and through the labyrinth of hallways to deliver them into the green room. Felix hasn’t seen much of the team since he went on maternity leave almost a year ago, so he lets the hair and make-up noonas dote on him and the twins. They pinch his cheeks, tell him he hasn’t been eating enough, and tut when he talks about their sleep schedule.
Eventually, the ache in Felix’s arms becomes too persistent to ignore, so he begs off to rest on the couches set up.
It’s not too long after that the low bass of the stage music comes to a stop and the whole group looks expectantly towards the door. They hear Changbin before they see him, unintelligible yelling sounds most likely directed at staff members as a thanks for their hard work.
Jisung is first through the door, his crimped hair plastered to his forehead but his smile wide. Changbin bounds in closely behind him, still talking to their manager escort as he makes quick work to get out of his stage clothes. And then finally-
“Appa!” Juliette notices him first, shimmying herself out of Felix’s arm and onto the floor. She toddles her way to him, everyone else careful to keep themselves clear of the path while still in arms reach.
Chan, who had been following in Changbin’s foot-steps trying to get out of his sweaty shirt, pauses. He drops to his knees, opening his arms wide and murmuring encouragement as Juliette continues to cross the room. Not to be out done, Isaac lets out his own shriek and squirms in Minho’s arms until he’s let down.
His steps are less sure- while his sister crashes into Chan’s arms, Isaac totters along at a more sedate pace, stopping intermittently to regain his balance. Eventually he makes his way into the circle of Chan’s arms, fingers grabbing at the first bit of Chan they can reach. With a giggle, Isaac throws himself into Chan’s chest, tucking himself alongside his sister as they both clamor for his attention.
Felix is sure there are other things going on around him, but at this moment, his view narrows. Subconsciously, he pulls his phone out of his pocket, instinctively opening up the camera app and blindly tapping at the screen and hoping it focuses - unwilling to tear his own gaze from the scene in front of him.
As he watches, Chan goes from crouched on the ground to upright, two bundles of baby clinging to his chest. A murmured word has the twins giggling and re-adjusting, tightening their arms around his neck, before Chan starts to spin. The resulting laughs and squeals are infectious, the rest of the room entranced by the scene. A part of Felix wants to gather them in his arms, hide them all away, while the rational part recognizes how lucky they are to get to have this. To keep performing and making music and having their little family.
With a quick glance, he hits the stop recording button, stuffing the phone into his pocket as he strides across the short distance just as Chan himself is coming to stop. He tries to reach out and grab one of the kids, but Chan swerves out of his reach, eyes still alight with laughter.
“Nah nah nah you got them all day today, it's my turn now. Isn’t that right lads?”
More screams in affirmative have Felix dropping his arms in defeat, tucking them into the space between Chan’s torso and the twins, interlocking his fingers and resting them against the small of Chan’s back.
Chan’s eyes scan his face and see something that furrows his brow.
“You good, babe?” Chan whispers, low enough to not be heard by the crowd behind them.
Inching forward, Felix rests his forehead against Chan’s and lets his eyes fall shut. Chan’s nose nudges against his own and Felix can feel the breath ghost over his lips before a kiss is pressed against them.
“I am now.”
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