Work Text:
Sai never understood how Nick and Charlie did it. He'd thought about it, sure, and he'd seen gay porn obviously, but hadn't everyone? The idea of his mates doing that with each other just… well, he couldn't get his head around it.
Charlie used to be so thin he looked like he'd snap in two if Nick so much as hugged him too tightly, never mind anything else.
Then there was the power dynamic of it all which just didn't exist in straight sex. Who topped? Who bottomed? How did they decide? Do they have concrete roles, or is it a choice made in the heat of the moment?
Sai spent far too much time contemplating that.
He'd had sex for the first time less than six months ago. It was with a girl named Laura who went to the college in town. They'd gone on a few dates, and then one afternoon they'd been at hers with the house to themselves. They hadn't discussed it or anything; it just sort of happened.
It was alright.
It wasn't what he'd expected.
It hadn't lasted very long. The thrill of a first time caused an embarrassingly abrupt end to the proceedings. They both lay there afterwards conspicuously not talking until she asked him if he wanted a can of Tango because her dad had some in the garage fridge.
They'd had sex a few more times since then. Sai grew to like it more. It was what he was supposed to do, wasn't it? It was normal. And he didn't want to go to uni without knowing what he was doing. Imagine if he pulled a girl and then they thought he was a bad lay?
But still, at least he vaguely knew what he was supposed to do with a vagina. They'd had Sex Ed classes since Year Eight, and that focused solely on sex with girls. Penis in vagina sex. Not once had they been taught what to do if their genitals matched.
Which brought him back to Nick and Charlie. How did they know what to do? Yes, porn existed, but everyone knew that's a fantasy. Hell, even straight porn is nothing like the real experience.
Google seemed the obvious solution. Nick was a big believer that the Google Gods had all the answers, so Sai was sure that had been the approach. But Sai couldn't imagine that brought anything of any help back, except maybe more porn. And he had heard a lot of preparation was involved for gay sex - but how was someone supposed to find out what that meant without being bombarded with videos of moans and thrusting?
*
"Mate, can I ask you a question?" He asked the following week. Nick was at his for a FIFA tournament. They had pizza delivered and planned to remain holed up in Sai's bedroom for at least a good five hours.
"Sure," Nick said, not taking his eyes off the screen.
"It's, errm… It's a gay question. And it's sort of personal."
Nick paused the game.
"How many times? I'm not gay, I'm bi."
"No, I know that. I just wondered, and you don't have to answer if you think it's weird, but-"
"Sai mate, are you trying to come out?"
"No! I'm not gay!" He replied, a little too quickly as a red heat flowed through him. "I just...wondered about some stuff."
"Go on."
"Well, like, how do you do it? Like sex stuff. Isn't it a bit intimidating handling another dick?"
Nick's eyebrows raised so high they practically disappeared under his fringe.
"Wow," he said, "You weren't kidding when you said it was personal."
"I'm sorry. You don't need to answer. I shouldn't have asked.”
"No, it's okay," Nick thought for a moment, "I guess I could ask you the same thing. Isn't it intimidating handling a vagina? At least with Charlie I know what works for me might work for him."
Sai contemplated that for a moment. It certainly made sense.
"And," he continued tentatively, not making eye contact with Nick, "What happens with sex? How do you agree who does-"
"Fuck Sai!" Nick exclaimed, "What kind of question is that?"
"Sorry, I'm just curious. I'm not into blokes, but just want to know how it works. Sex with girls I get, but I don't understand how sex with guys happens."
There was a pause. It lasted for a long time, and Sai couldn't quite work out how Nick felt about his question.
Eventually Nick sighed.
"Okay. If I tell you, it stays between us. I do not want Charlie’s and my sex life gossiped about at school."
"Course," Sai nodded earnestly.
So Nick told him. Sai learnt how Nick and Charlie began slowly, how they touch each other, exactly what prepping involves, what it feels like to give a blow job. He learnt that Nick prefers to bottom, but Charlie does occasionally, so it isn't a fixed arrangement. He learnt the importance of lube and stretching. He learnt the importance of keeping clean. Finally, he learnt that Nick and Charlie work as a couple because they love each other. The trust that's involved is what makes their sex life great, not just the physical actions.
"And...that's... yeah I think that's it." Nick finished.
Sai had hung on every word. What Nick said, the way he talked about his boyfriend like he was a precious emerald, it was beautiful. Sai realised he didn't want to have sex with someone he didn't deeply care about again. He wanted their connection.
"You're so lucky."
Nick laughed, "Yep." Then he paused and looked at Sai earnestly .
"Sai, mate, why did you want to know? Are you sure you're not at least a little bi-curious?"
"I'm not gay." Sai looked down at his feet.
Nick nodded and chewed nervously on his bottom lip.
"No, I know. You said. But do you want to be?"
A single tear dropped from Sai's cheek. When had he started to cry?
"I, I don't know.”