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Before Sigma had stepped foot on solid concrete, looking out of the window brought her nothing but cotton candy clouds, sometimes coloured white but often just a dull charcoal. Though, summer was nice. The blue brought her a sense of calm that she didn’t feel often and she usually thought of the sea customers spoke about when they discussed where they would spend their winnings when they eventually left the casino.
Before the place she called home was destroyed, she imagined that the waves were like ripples she made in a bathtub; not too ferocious, but definitely could be if extraneous forces had called for it. The bright blue sky, in her imagination, would be the exact shade of the salty waters, dulling as the sun travelled on its 24-hour cycle. It’s not that she was previously uneducated, but her priorities had always been her work- more importantly, her customers. She had no time to research the sea, nor to look for photographs of it, when she had vowed to look after those who had spared time out of their lives to visit her home.
However, that never stopped her from dreaming about it. And when she finally reached the salty waters that greeted and departed the land in a never-ending loop, it was like an art exhibit had been placed in front of her eyes for free, and she marvelled for hours at the way the sky melted into the sea, unable to accurately pinpoint where her new home met the old until the blank sky became splotched with pinks and oranges and dribbled into place on its canvas.
Alongside her admiration of the sea, Sigma fell in love with the month of April. Much like the sky on the very first evening she had the pleasure of witnessing the waters that had the potential to lead her anywhere, the cherry blossoms that bloomed in this season reminded her of the serenity that the sea brought her in the storm of her unknown future. It was hard not to be nostalgic at this time of year when the landscape was painted with hues of delicate pinks.
The wind carried them carelessly through the azure sky, dancing through the breeze before taking purchase of whatever object they could find, extending their decorations to the surroundings and creating a delightful canvas of petals. When Sakura season was in full bloom, she found the sea no longer calling to her during her busy work weeks, for her mind was instead satisfied with the calming landscape beyond the walls of the detective agency. This way, it was easier to catch a glimpse of the beauty amidst the crowd of clients to remind her that life isn’t as awful as she had previously convinced herself of with the fall of the Sky Casino.
However, today was not a day that Sigma was forced to endure the scenery from inside a cold building. Instead, she had the privilege of watching them float and spin in a group-inflicted effort to move in complete harmony, almost like they were divulging the plans of their landing to one another before the execution. She watched as the performance cut off before the climax, scattering across the park she sat in and mixing with the lush sea of grass, silently bowing to whoever stuck with their movements.
The verdant blades and rosy petals’ pristine painting were interrupted by a clashing of colour, with bright red and bleached white symmetrical checks sitting atop the fallen flowers. Despite being an outsider to the season's theme, Sigma found that the colours weren’t too harsh. In fact, they made the park feel cosier somehow; homely, almost, accentuated by the wicker basket lying comfortably in the centre, displaying a variety of foods for both herself and Dazai to snack on.
The pair had been suffering at work this week, frenetic issues cropping up at a speed that left them exhausted from the tedious nature of each of them; they weren’t dangerous, not in the slightest, but they were a hassle to control and endless to the point where the entire agency was mentally begging for them to halt whilst still putting all of their energy into the cases. After the surge of requests had reached a more manageable amount, the pair had decided to request a day off with Fukuzawa, purely to relax and bask in one another’s company. “Because it’s what we deserve!” Dazai told Sigma as reasoning.
The sweet fragrance of the cherry blossoms depicted a serene atmosphere and, combined with the shower of blossoms drifting around them, had cocooned the two into a world of their own, nobody else exists but them. Sigma hadn’t ever expected this to be an outcome of her joining the Armed Detective Agency. Even after working alongside Dazai and admiring his determination whilst simultaneously feeling years shaved off her life at his outwardly careless nature, Sigma could never have predicted a relationship of its kind to bloom within months of her finding a new, hopefully permanent, home within the four walls of the office.
They had never explicitly spoken about their relationship. Rather, they had naturally begun to gravitate towards one another and selected the other to work alongside them when two people were needed, finding security emanating from the other in the form of simply being beside them. Like a weighted blanket being thrown over them after a rough day, instantly calming their nerves and reassuring themselves that everything is perfectly fine as long as they put their trust in one another.
Dazai silently took the crate of strawberries from the basket, selecting one and holding it out for Sigma. She reached out for it, craving the sweet taste and rehydrating elements of the delicious fruit after basking in the warm sunlight for so long, her skin feeling slightly damp from a light sweat. As Sigma’s fingers stretched forward to grab the succulent red berry, Dazai retracted the fruit from her reach, a small grin appearing on his lovely face at the confused pull of Sigma’s eyebrows.
Dazai reached his other hand forward, brushing the smooth expanse of Sigma’s cheek, unadulterated admiration swirling around his irises that always reminded Sigma of a forest with the way green faded into brown and designed the perfect canvas for the natural landscape. “Open wide,” he sang, hovering the strawberry back in front of her lips.
Sigma felt heat capture on her cheeks, spreading to the tips of her ears. “I can feed myself.”
The grin that sat on Dazai’s face widened, reminding Sigma of who exactly she was talking to right now- someone who would not back down from their need to embarrass until they were overtly satisfied. “I know you can, but I want to feed you. Is that so wrong of me?”
“I guess not,” she sighed, cautiously opening her mouth for Dazai to place the fruit on her bottom lip gently. He didn’t press it further, nor did he drag it away; he stared at Sigma inquisitively, the question of is this okay? hanging in the air. With a slight nod, his hand moved, and Sigma had bitten off half of the fruit, feeling the juice collect in the corner of her mouth, which was removed by the thumb that was still stroking her cheek like she was a house cat.
They continued to eat the fruit, this time feeding themselves and letting the conversation flow effortlessly between them, chatting away about anything and everything that they could possibly think of. Rather than conversing around their snacking, it was the opposite. They were so engrossed in whatever conversations flowed from their lips that the only time either of them seemed to remember that this was a picnic was during the rare lull of conversation, when the food in their hand felt slightly heavy amidst the light feeling that the pair felt with one another.
Sigma had never felt so… at ease. Her earliest memory was of her trudging through a vast desert, surrounded by nothing but beige and distinctly recalling how desperate she was for a drink, food, anything to make her feel like a human, not a puppet discarded in such a lonely place. Sometimes, during the summer, she feels the dry air blow against her damp skin and is instantly brought back to that memory of her needing to find something to help her stay alive, and she fears that she’s in a panic-induced hallucination and that this is her survival mode.
Even when she had managed to flee the desert, she had still been used as a pawn in a selfish, grand scheme of chess. But she loved that casino; even if she had never realised why she had been placed there, she loved her job and adored her customers. But in the end, her niceties were being used by people who didn’t care about her.
But now, under the cherry blossoms, conversing steadily with the person who everyone seems to have grievances about, nibbling on a selection of fruit, Sigma finds herself thankful for the life she’s endured because, without it, she never would’ve been able to appreciate the loveliness of everyone around her the way she does now. People pulled her out of the deep, murky waters that were her life with nothing more than a smile and gentle reassurance, towel-drying her with their praise and reminders that she does not have to do anything she, too, does not desire.
Her mind could never conjure something as perfect as the family she now has. It could never begin to describe the ocean, how it meets the backdrop of the sky like old friends, nor could it create an image as tranquil as pink petals coating her and the surroundings. It could never evoke the emotions she's graced with every day- the unadulterated admiration she feels when she watches Atsushi work, or the tight feeling she gets in her chest when Dazai smiles at her with his eyes closed. No, her life was far too amazing for her to consider it faux.
Their day together continued, the last of the food being eaten slowly but surely before Dazai leant back against his hands, his head tilting to watch the sun begin its descent to light up the other half of the world, saying its goodbyes with the golden hues that illuminated the sky and cast a beautiful glow over the landscape surrounding them.
“Hey,” Dazai spoke, turning to look at Sigma like she was a gift from the heavens themselves and he was someone who had promised before a holy place to devote his life to her, no matter what. “Do you want to go to the pier?”
Sigma tilted her head slightly, mouth parting in slight shock from the unexpected question. It wasn’t part of their original plan, but Dazai always found a way to surprise her. “Now?”
Dazai smiled slightly, his eyes gleaming with a light that could have blinded her if it was a physical entity. “Well, of course! The air is still warm and the sky is almost as beautiful as you. Just imagine what it looks like over the ocean.”
Sigma couldn't help but crack a small smile back in his direction. He knew how to pluck the strings of her heart in every positive way, creating a melody which entices her closer to him every time the tune reverberates around her brain. She had never explicitly told Dazai about her love for the sea, or how satiated it makes her feel when the voices in her mind get too violent, but Dazai was observant. He knew her, possibly even more than she knew herself. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he knew how to end the perfect evening.
“You’re packing the basket up.”
“Packing up?” he grinned. “There’s a trash can over there! We will be putting it in there.”
“We?” She questioned, watching as Dazai stood to his feet and stretched with his arms in the air, fingers interlocking as his bones popped before standing herself in a less nonchalant manner. She stepped off the checkered blanket, her feet connecting to the earth below it. “There’s still a blanket here too, Dazai.”
She bent down to collect the trash anyway, figuring that Dazai would grumble beside her if she didn’t help him. The complaining wouldn’t be serious, far from it, but she wouldn’t be able to stop her guilt from running amok anyway. He went out of his way to create the perfect day for the two of them, adding an extra stop on their journey without consulting her earlier. The very least she could do was grab the crates that the food was previously resting in.
Dazai watched as she moved around the small area, picking each thing up with care despite its purpose having been fulfilled hours ago. He admired the way she treated everything like the most delicate of glass, a foreign feeling fluttering around his stomach as he remembered every time she treated him like glass, too. She was the most perfect person Dazai could consider having around him, and his admiration of her soared each time her benevolent nature shone through the cracks of her nervous demeanour.
“You just picked it all up,” Dazai stated, his dazed trance coming to an end as he realised how little he had helped.
“I did,” she stood up straight to look at him. “And you just stood there and watched.”
He gasped. “I did not!”
“You have nothing in your hands right now,” she laughed, unable to feign anger right now. “But it’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“How did I get so lucky,” he sighed, a hand coming to rest on his forehead in a swoon.
“You wouldn’t have been able to touch your forehead like that if they were full of the trash you were meant to collect,” she grinned as Dazai furrowed his eyebrows. “Grab the blanket and basket, then we’re even.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” The grumbling she was worried about was happening sooner than she expected, yet she experienced a tingling sensation in her fingers at the sight. She really did adore Dazai, even his immature whining.
-
Somehow on their journey to the pier, Sigma had ended up with the blanket draped over her head with one hand creating a makeshift clasp to keep it secure. It wasn’t her choice, but Dazai had insisted that the whistle of the wind was crisp and that she wasn’t allowed to get sick on such a good day. She didn’t feel the chill that Dazai was adamant about, but she allowed herself to be taken care of nonetheless. Perhaps she would have felt the cold if Dazai’s presence did not warm her up like sitting next to an electric heater in a frigid room.
“I hope you’re warming up now,” Dazai smiled, basket swinging beside him as they walked down the pier. Cherry blossoms were scarce this close to the edge of the city, yet they still found a way to scatter themselves amongst the backdrop of earth, with some landing pliantly atop the waves.
Whether it was to welcome Sigma to the comfort of the ocean or to wave goodbye as they sacrificed their time with her was unknown, but she couldn’t help the small smile from resting on her face. She hadn’t felt the cold this entire time, but she granted Dazai this act of care without complaint.
Her eyes softened at him, giving Dazai her full attention before it was swept away by the current just ahead of them. “I am, thank you.”
“Good,” he smiled back, the corners of his lips just as low down as hers were. He turned back towards the water, his hands sitting in his pockets as he let Sigma enjoy her moment with the water.
It was as beautiful as the last time she visited, yet somehow this time felt more beguiling than the previous. The sky was adorned with blue, imitating the display of the ocean just below it. Hues of orange, pink, and lilac sat over the peaceful waves that reflected this delicate artwork, the brushstrokes reaching high into the quickly dulling sky. It felt like only the two of them were there to witness the beauty of this work, a warm glow cast over them from the moon that was accompanying the natural blaze of the earth.
Sigma leant her head atop Dazai’s shoulder, the blanket separating her hair from his jaw as she continued to watch the fire of colours slowly dwindle into nothing but navy. They had watched the sunset from the East side, but to Sigma, it meant nothing. No matter which direction she peered at the sunset from, it was still amazing to her.
The waves lived up to her imagination, the conclusion of the days in her casino admiring the expanse of the blue sky coming to fruition every time she looked over to the horizon. She was grateful that she could exist in a world where something so heartwarming existed. Yet, somehow, she was even more grateful that she got to experience the natural phenomenon with someone who could rival the attraction of it.
“Sigma,” Dazai whispered, resting his head atop hers.
“Dazai,” she whispered back, not wanting to break the soothing atmosphere they had created for themselves.
“I think if I could stay here with you forever, I wouldn’t mind.”
Sigma hummed, lifting her head slightly to look towards Dazai through bleary eyes that were fighting to drag her to unconsciousness despite her upward position, her cheeks feeling somewhat warm and her heart racing a bit faster at the blunt confession. “I wish we could.”
She smiled, resting her head back on Dazai’s shoulder to continue staring at the sea. Though, despite it being right there in front of her, she was preoccupied by thoughts of Dazai. He had taken her to every beautiful place, with the most endearing scenery that Sigma had found much comfort in, yet somehow, none of these could ever make her feel as much love as she felt towards Dazai himself.
A day that was created for both of their comforts was fine-tuned to her instead without her realising, and Dazai did it all without as much as a complaint. Truly, she was afraid of how much love this day had filled her with, but she could never be afraid of Dazai himself because he had granted her a home she had never had before.
She finds solace in the sea; in the way cherry blossoms perform every second of the day in April. She feels her heart quiet down when she’s working alongside her family, feeling seen and heard, but all of these cannot compare to how comfortable Dazai makes her feel.
Their future is uncertain, and their journey may be wildly unpredictable, but they find a rare and beautiful harmony with each other that is enough to quell many of Sigma’s anxieties. Her home was once in the sky, then it fell down to earth. Here, it blessed her with Dazai and from there, she decided that her home was wherever Dazai was.