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As a Champion Duelist, Clorinde was no stranger to coming home exhausted. If she wasn’t dueling criminals who refuse to stand trial, she would sometimes be assigned to patrol with the Maison Gardiennage in hopes of stopping criminals before they can act. Sometimes, she would assist the citizens in their needs. Sometimes, she would be running around dealing with monsters just on the outskirts of the Court of Fontaine to stop them in their tracks lest they wander into the city. So, it’s no surprise that she was exhausted every day.
But despite it all, if there was one thing that she looked forward to every day, it would be coming home and seeing her wife’s smile once they see each other once again.
So, despite her weariness, Clorinde entered their home with a small smile, eager to see her beautiful Navia once more.
“Navia!” She called out. “Are you home?”
No answer. Odd; Navia would usually respond whenever she called, no matter where she was in the home they shared. Clorinde noticed that there was no activity in the kitchen so she trudged up the stairs, checking their bedroom and the home office for any sign of her wife but to no avail. Finally, it dawned on her where she could be.
“Of course…” Clorinde uttered with a small smile as she walked toward one of the other rooms in the house. Gently opening it, her smile turned into a grin once she saw that she was right on the mora as to her wife’s whereabouts.
Her Navia had fallen asleep in a rocking chair in the nursery, gently cradling the bulge in her belly even in slumber.
Falling asleep in the rocking chair was a habit that Navia had fallen into ever since she became pregnant and Clorinde had commissioned the chair to be made for her. While the sight was nothing new to her, the duelist still couldn’t help but smile each time she saw it.
Slowly, Clorinde approached, kneeling down before her as she tucked a lock of hair behind Navia’s ear. Afterwards, she laid a hand on the bump, smiling as she felt the baby quicken beneath her touch.
Clorinde had to admit, however, that despite her happiness, there was another feeling that she had become well acquainted with in the recent months: fear. Fear for her child, fear for her own life now that she was about to have a baby, but most of all, she felt fear for her wife. Navia’s mother had died in childbirth, after all, so Clorinde reasoned that it was natural for her to fear that her wife of five years would meet the same fate in the birthing bed.
She was willing to lose her prestige as a Champion Duelist but she was not willing to lose Navia. They had been childhood friends who became lovers and spouses, after all. At this point, Clorinde was sure that she wouldn’t know how to exist in a world without her beloved.
When they had begun to discuss children, Clorinde was always hyper aware of the fate of Navia’s mother. So, she had offered to carry their baby. Much to her shock, however, Navia refused, citing that she wouldn’t be able to duel while pregnant. But deep down, Clorinde knew the real reason why she insisted on carrying their child; she simply wanted the experience of pregnancy. To be the one to bring this new life that they will love and nurture into the world. And so, Clorinde reluctantly agreed to let her wife carry their child to term.
Which brings us to today.
Slowly, Clorinde leaned down, pressing her ear to the bump in an attempt to listen to their baby’s heartbeat. Her nerves calmed as she smiled upon hearing the strong thumps of her child’s heart. Then, she felt Navia’s fingers gently carding through her hair.
“You’re home.” She said merrily, almost as if she hadn’t been asleep at all. Clorinde turned to her with a smile, taking her hand in her own and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.
“I’m home.” The dark haired woman responded. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired. As always.” Navia responded. Despite the exhaustion, she had a happy smile on her face. “Kiss me?”
Clorinde didn’t hesitate to comply with her request, bringing their lips together in a loving kiss. Then, Clorinde leaned down to press a kiss to her stomach, to let their child know that she loved them just as much as she did their mother.
“She’s our little miracle, isn’t she?” Navia remarked as she rubbed her belly, feeling the baby kick every now and then.
“She? You’re still dead set on our little miracle being a girl? You know our baby could be a boy, right?” Clorinde playfully asked. Navia shook her head in response.
“No. I get the feeling this little one is a girl. I just know it.” She insisted with a smile. After a moment, she turned to Clorinde and spoke. “What would you like our baby to be?”
Clorinde contemplated it for a moment before she spoke, kneeling down to put her hand on her wife’s belly once more.
“I don’t care. I don’t care if they’re a boy or a girl. I’d be happy either way. All I care about is that the two of you make it through the birth just fine.”
Navia took her hand in her own and frowned upon feeling the slight tremble.
“What’s wrong, Clorinde? You’re trembling.” She asked out of concern. Clorinde hesitated on responding. She shouldn’t worry her wife like this, especially in her condition. But then again, Clorinde always found it hard to lie or keep anything from her.
“I’m terrified, mon coeur. ” She admitted. “I’m terrified of losing you. Terrified of losing our baby. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I lost you both.”
Before Clorinde knew it, tears sprang from her eyes and quietly streamed down her face. She couldn’t help it. The thought of losing Navia or their child was too much to bear. She could only pray that when the day came, she wouldn’t be forced to pick between the two of them.
They had wanted to become parents but Clorinde didn’t want it to come at the cost of one or the other.
“Oh my brave knight…” Navia cooed as she wiped Clorinde’s tears away with a gentle stroke of her thumb. “I’m sorry I can’t take this fear away from you. I’m sorry I cannot promise you that things will turn out well. But I can promise you this; you won’t be alone. Even if something were to happen to me, you won’t be alone in raising her. I promise, Clorinde.”
Despite her tears, Clorinde nodded in response. Navia’s words had soothed her somewhat but she knew that this terror would follow her until their child is brought into the world and Navia is finally safe and sound from the dangers of the childbed. Still, her wife didn’t need to know that.
“But there is one thing you need to promise me, Clorinde. And I need you to swear to me that you will keep your word when you promise me what I ask.” Navia said as she continued to cup Clorinde’s cheek, gently stroking her cheek as she did so. The duelist couldn’t help but take the hand in her own as she leaned into it, accepting the warmth that her beloved’s touch gave her.
“Name it.” She uttered with the reverence she always had for her. For her Navia, she would do anything as long as it is within her power.
“Swear to me…that even if something were to happen to me…even if I were to die in childbirth…swear to me that you’ll go on. That you’ll raise our little girl with the love she deserves. That she’ll never feel as if there’s something missing from her life just because I’m no longer here.”
“Navia, I-” Clorinde was about to protest as tears began to spring from her eyes once again. Navia, however, wasn’t having it.
“Swear to me, Clorinde. Swear to me that you won’t lose yourself in your grief while you’re doing your best to navigate through it.”
Navia knew that her request was somewhat selfish. It was selfish to force Clorinde to pick herself up by the bootstraps and carry on while everyone would get to grieve her hypothetical death. But Navia also knew that should the worst happen, their daughter will need her. Their little girl will need the only parent she would have left.
“I swear it.” Clorinde responded, voice cracking as she did so. “I swear it, mon amour. Our daughter will want for nothing as long as I breathe. I promise you.”
Clorinde punctuated her promise by wrapping her arms around Navia’s waist and burying her head in her stomach, placing her ear to bump to hear their baby’s heartbeat once again.
She took comfort in this moment. In hearing their baby’s heartbeat as Navia ran her fingers through her dark locks while humming a lullaby that always calmed their child down. Clorinde was terrified, yes, but nothing would stop her from savoring this.
She didn’t know how many more nights like this she would get, after all.
Later that night, while Clorinde slept soundly, Navia couldn’t help but lie awake, sleep eluding her as her thoughts raced faster than a bullet. Her wife’s admission to her own fears today had Navia thinking. Thinking of herself, Clorinde, and their daughter.
She’d be lying if she said Clorinde’s fears weren’t unfounded. In fact, she herself had them, even when they were just discussing children. After all, when she had brought the possibility up with the Spina’s physician, Areta, she said that while the reason for her mother’s childbirth complications were never found, they shouldn’t discount the possibility of it being genetic.
Normally, such a warning would dissuade a couple from having children. But in a rather selfish move, Navia had decided that the risk would be worth it so long as she and Clorinde would have their own child in their arms someday. A living, breathing proof of the love they shared with one another who would see the world and all its wonders.
But again, there was still the possibility of her death in childbirth. So, Navia had drawn up plans. Her material possessions would go to Clorinde and their child, obviously. In fact, should anything happen to her then their little one would already have a veritable treasure trove of dresses and jewels despite her tender age.
The second would be the leadership of the Spina di Rosula. She had already made arrangements for Uncle Florent to succeed her should the worse happen. While Navia does hope that their child would someday lead the Spina after her, she wasn’t so selfish as to entrap them with a job they don’t want. Even more so should she not even live to see them grow and guide them. So, should death befall her in the birthing bed, for the first time since her father started it, the Spina would not be led by one of the Caspar bloodline. Only time will tell if the interregnum would be temporary or permanent.
The third would be her journals. Clorinde didn’t know it but Navia has had a habit of journaling since she was a teenager that she maintained to this day. In fact, her recent journals were essentially pages upon pages of letters to their little one, telling her about her entire pregnancy as well as her hopes and dreams for her and Clorinde’s child. Just as her mother had done when she was pregnant with Navia herself. Navia didn’t think her journaling habit would come in handy but looking at it now, she was glad she took it up.
That way, if she were to die, there would be a way for her child to get to know her. There would be stories, yes, but Navia hoped that her journals would let their child know her from her own words.
So, she had arranged for the Spina to deliver her journals to Clorinde in the event of her death, along with instructions to tell Clorinde to only give them to their daughter when the time was right. Just as Callas had done for her with her own mother’s journal.
All things considered, her affairs were in order. But her earlier discussion with Clorinde had made Navia realize that there was another thing she needed to do for their little one. Something that she hoped would make her feel her love for her even more.
Slowly, Navia separated herself from Clorinde, gently removing the arm around her waist to do so. To her relief, Clorinde groaned at the loss of the warmth next to her but she didn’t awaken. She leaned down (with much difficulty, mind you) to press a kiss to her cheek before leaving their room and heading to the home office. Grabbing a pen and paper, she began to write.
“To my darling child,
If you are reading this, then it means I’ve passed on. I’m sorry to start this letter off on such a dour note. In fact, I’d rather you not have to read a letter like this at all. But if there’s one thing I learned the hard way, it’s that life doesn’t always go the way we plan nor does it always give us what we want. What I wanted was to meet you, raise you, and give you all the love and care that I am able to give you. But unfortunately, just like my mother before me, that won’t be possible.
You must be wondering why I’m leaving you this letter. After all, I’ve left you mounds upon mounds of journals to let you know me even if I’m no longer with you. Truth be told, I’m not sure myself. But if I had to boil it down to it, I guess it’s because there are still a few things I want to say to you. Just a few reminders as you make your own way through the world.
The first is that I want you to know that I love you and your mother very much. I thank Celestia every single day that I was given the opportunity to be Clorinde’s wife and your mother. And if it isn’t too much, I hope you can help your mother navigate her grief. By showing love to her, you show your love to me as well.
The second is that it’s okay to choose your own path. As you grow, people will say things to you. Certain expectations will be put upon your shoulders, particularly in terms of the Spina di Rosula. Some will even say that you must follow a certain path so as not to disappoint me in the afterlife. One piece of advice I can give you regarding such a situation is not to listen to them; forge your own path instead. Do what makes you happy (so long as it’s within the law, of course) and grow up strong and healthy and I can assure that I will remain proud of you no matter what.
And the third and final thing I want you to know and remember: if you ever find yourself feeling guilty for my death, if you ever begin blaming yourself for my demise, I want you to remember that I do not regret bringing you into this world for a second. If I were given a second chance and had to choose between living a long life and giving birth to you, I would choose you all over again in a heartbeat. I want you to remember that you are not how I was taken from this world. You are how I remain in it.
Shine on, my darling, and know that your mother will always be watching you.
Thank you for being born.
All my love,
Your mother, Navia.”
For a moment, Navia sat there, double checking her letter. Once she was satisfied, she put the letter in an envelope, sealing it with wax and imprinting the symbol of the Spina di Rosula on it. By tomorrow, she would pass it on to one of her men in the Spina with the same instructions as her journals.
But that was a problem for tomorrow’s her. For now, she’ll return to Clorinde’s side, allow her to wrap her arms around her, and fall deeply into sleep, dreaming of a happy future with her beloved and their blonde haired little girl with vibrant purple eyes…
“So, how is Lady Navia on this fine day?” Neuvillette asked Clorinde as they sat and sipped their tea.
“She’s doing fine, Monsieur. Thank you for your concern.” The dark haired duelist responded, feeling an uncharacteristic nervousness radiating through her body. Thankfully, she managed to hide her nerves well. Today was her last day before she goes on leave, after all. She wanted to make sure all her duties are cared for before she leaves and being a wreck won’t help her accomplish that.
“How far along is she now? Eight months? Won’t be long now before the little one graces us with its presence.” Wriothesley remarked as he drank his own tea. It wasn’t often that the Duke of Meropide made trips above ground but he had certain business to attend to that required the Court’s assistance.
Thus, here the three of them were, sipping tea in the afternoon as Clorinde’s mind was split into two concerns: her work and her wife.
Navia only had two weeks left before her due date so Clorinde wasn’t a big fan of leaving her wife alone. Especially now since the false contractions are becoming more and more frequent as the day of her labors came ever closer. Thankfully, they would have the nearby hospital’s services when the day arrives.
One point of contention that they often argued about for the duration of Navia’s pregnancy was that Navia wanted to give birth in Poisson. Clorinde, however, was not having it; not that she had anything against Poisson but she refused to risk Navia and their child’s health by having her travel when her due date would be close at hand.
So they compromised; Navia would give in to Clorinde’s wishes of giving birth at the Court but she would have Areta as her main physician. In fact, Areta had arrived a few days ago to keep an eye on Navia’s health until her labors started.
“Wait a minute, if you’re here, then who’s staying with Navia right now?” Wriothesley couldn’t help but ask.
“The Spina’s physician and two of her men.” Clorinde answered. Then, she remembered a small detail. “Ah, Lady Furina came by this morning to spend time with Navia as well. I’m certain she’ll still be there even when I get home.”
“That’s-”
Before Neuvillette could finish his sentence, however, the door slammed open, revealing one of Navia’s bodyguards on the other side, huffing and puffing as Sedene tried to calm him down with a few pats on the back.
“Apologies for the intrusion, Monsieur Neuvillette but the Boss has entered her labors! She’s asking for Lady Clorinde post-haste!”
For a moment, Clorinde’s world stopped and so many thoughts raced through her mind.
Is Navia okay?
Is their baby alright?
Has she been brought to the hospital already?
Is she in pain?
Finally, she found it in herself to speak.
“Why the hell are you here then? Shouldn’t you be taking her to the hospital first? Where is she?” Clorinde yelled at him, panic apparent in her voice as she took him by the lapels.
“Clorinde, calm down.” Wriothesley implored her as he separated them.
“We can’t bring her to the hospital, milady. The boss’ labors are progressing too fast. Areta estimates she’d give birth in an hour or two. Please hurry back.”
Clorinde didn’t even wait for Neuvillette to dismiss her before she was out the door and the Palais, running as quickly as she could back to their home. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she dodged people left and right. All she could think of was how her wife needed her right now. Their child needed her. To be there to greet them as they make their grand entrance to the world.
At that moment, seeing and being with them was all that mattered to Clorinde.
Before long, she finally arrived and entered their home, not stopping even once despite seeing the flurry of activity from the few servants they had.
“Ah, there you are, Clorinde! What took you so long?” The duelist heard Furina exclaim. Before she could speak, the former Hydro Archon dragged her down the halls toward their bedroom. Clorinde’s blood ran cold at the sound of Navia’s pained screams as she fought to bring their child to the world.
‘Please…don’t let anything bad happen to them. I beg of you.’ She prayed to Celestia in her mind.
“Go on. She needs you. There’ll be time for talk later. Just go.” Furina encouraged her. With a resolute nod, she walked inside the bedroom, rounding the corner and marching up to her wife’s side to take her hand in her own. Areta, the physician, merely gave her a nod in acknowledgement as she focused on the task at hand.
“Cl-Clorinde…” Navia weakly called for her, clearly delirious from the pain she felt.
“I’m here, my love.” Clorinde said with a teary smile, giving her hand a comforting squeeze as she did so. “How are you feeling?”
“It hurts, Clorinde. So much.” Navia said in between sobs.
“I know, love. I know. But it’ll be all worth it in the end, okay? We’re about to meet our daughter. Just hold on, alright?”
“Lady Clorinde, she’s panicking. Please do your best to calm her down.” Areta gently requested.
“Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.” Navia begged as she writhed in pain.
“Navia, Navia, look at me. Please look at me.” Clorinde implored her as she gently moved Navia’s head. Their eyes met and the duelist’s heart broke as she saw her wife’s pain and exhaustion in her eyes.
“I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be here with you and we’re going to meet our baby together, okay?”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Clorinde gently helped Navia sit up, soothing her through her cries of pain as she moved to sit behind her and wrap her arms around her.
“You’ll be alright. Both of you will. I promise.” Clorinde said, pressing sweet kisses to her wife’s head as she did so.
As she held her wife close and waited for the arrival of her firstborn, Clorinde prayed. She prayed harder than she ever had in her life. Harder even than when she begged Celestia to bring Navia back to her during those sorrowful three years they were separated.
“Please. Please let them get through this safely. Please.”
All in all, it took less than an hour for Navia to give birth to her and Clorinde’s child. Words couldn’t express the relief Clorinde felt once she heard the babe’s loud and strong wails. She lifted her head and her eyes landed on the one of the most beautiful creatures she had ever seen in her life.
“A girl. It’s a little girl. A healthy one too despite her early entrance to the world.” Areta announced as an assistant helped her clean and swaddle the child in her arms.
“I told you so.” Navia said with a shaky yet exhausted laugh as Clorinde and the other servants assisted her in getting changed once the afterbirth had been drawn out. Once Navia was settled in bed again, they were finally handed their child.
Their beautiful little girl.
“Welcome to the world, Aurelie. Our treasure. Our golden girl.” Navia greeted her as she pressed a kiss to the child’s forehead. Her lips met the dark curls on the top of her head and the new mothers couldn’t help but laugh as she curled a fist next to her cheek.
“She looks just like you, cherie.” Clorinde noted as she moved closer. She lifted her hand and gently stroked her daughter’s cheek with her finger. As she did, Clorinde couldn’t stop the tear that fell from her eye. She felt more fall when Aurelie finally opened her eyes.
“She has your eyes, Navia. Your pretty blue eyes.” She said with a wide and happy smile. True to her word, Aurelie inherited Navia’s vibrant blue eyes. She even has that little sparkle in them that Clorinde loves so much.
“Miladies, the Iudex and the Duke of Meropide are waiting in the parlor with Lady Furina. Should I have them come in?” One of Navia’s men asked. Immediately, Clorinde shook her head. She wanted to have this moment with her wife and daughter for a little while longer.
“Tell them to wait. Aurelie still needs to feed, after all.” Navia answered just as the newborn began to whine and cry in hunger. Clorinde could only watch in awe as her love deftly fed their child, calming the babe down almost immediately.
“I love you.” These were the only words that Clorinde could say. “I love you so much. Thank you for this gift you’ve given me, Navia.”
“I love you too, Clorinde.” Navia answered with a teary smile. She leaned up and gently pressed her lips to her wife, only separating when they heard their little girl cooing for attention. A clear sign that she was done with her first meal. “And we love you too, little Aurelie. So much.”
Clorinde watched her wife and daughter with much affection as Navia burped Aurelie. She had no intention of disturbing the scene until…
“Hold her.”
“Sorry, what?” Clorinde asked in confusion.
“Hold her, silly.” Navia said with a weak giggle. “You’re her mommy too, after all.”
Part of Clorinde wanted to refuse. Not because she was repulsed by her daughter. Far from it. But rather because Aurelie looked so fragile. She would never forgive herself if she hurt her daughter, even if it was accidental. But before she knew it, her body moved on its own, holding out her arms out of nowhere. And all of a sudden, Aurelie was there.
Perfectly nestled in her embrace. And as she glanced at her daughter, Clorinde found herself falling in love all over again. Clorinde stood and shifted her hold, supporting Aurelie’s head in one hand and her bottom in the other. Now facing her daughter fully, Clorinde spoke.
“Look at you. A beautiful girl born on such a beautiful day. I have dreamt of meeting you since the day we learned about you and now that you’re here…actually here…it’s way better than any dream I've ever had.”
Clorinde paused for a moment, trying to compose herself as it sank in that her daughter really was finally here in her arms. She let out a chuckle as she watched her daughter let out a big yawn. Clorinde adjusted Aurelie in her arms and turned, holding her out to Navia as she did so.
“Say good night to mummy, darling.” She playfully told her. “You and her need your rest, after all.”
Navia dropped a kiss on the child’s forehead and whispered a gentle “good night” to her ear. In response, Clorinde gave her a chaste kiss, whispering “I love you” as she did so. Then Clorinde stood and brought their daughter close to the bassinet by the window. She watched as her wife gently rocked Aurelie to sleep, kissing her forehead and whispering sweet words and promises to her as she did so. Navia desperately committed the sight to her memory.
After all, it would be the first and only time she would see this. And she wanted to take the memory of this moment with her to whatever comes next.
Navia was no fool. She knew something was wrong. She felt herself grow weaker with each passing moment. She had realized it as soon as she saw how quickly the birth was going. She was dying and there was no changing that. She was certain Areta had realized it as well. But they had an agreement beforehand: if Areta were to realize she was beyond saving, she would not say a word to anyone until Navia was gone, especially to Clorinde.
Selfish, she knew. But Navia didn’t want her final moments to be one where she was watching everyone go on a futile attempt to save her life.
No, she wanted her last moments to be like this; peacefully watching over the two people she loved the most.
But funnily enough, now that the moment was here, now that she was watching her wife gently dote on their child as her own strength and life slowly ebbed away, Navia found herself not wanting to go.
She didn’t want to die. She wanted to stay and be able to love Clorinde and raise their daughter together.
But she knew that wouldn’t be possible. So, as her life slowly left her, Navia used her remaining strength to watch Clorinde and Aurelie once more.
“Live and be happy, you two. I love you both so much. I’ll see you soon…”
With those words as her final thoughts, Navia smiled as she felt the last of her strength fade away. Then, she closed her eyes and finally let go…
xxx
“You get some rest now, my little one. Your mummy and I will be here to watch over you.” Clorinde whispered to Aurelie as she gently rocked her, placing kisses on her cheek and forehead as she did so. The babe let out another large yawn and her eyes drooped as she slowly fell asleep in Clorinde’s arms. The dark haired woman couldn’t prevent the small chuckle that escaped her lips and she slowly put Aurelie down in her bassinet.
“Such a beautiful girl. You’re going to grow up wonderfully, I know it.” She paused for a moment, taking the time to observe her newborn daughter and marvel at her perfection as she did so. Gently, Clorinde stroked Aurelie’s cheek, smiling when the little girl sought her touch in her sleep.
“Mummy and I will always keep you safe, my love. So, sleep tight. And we’ll see you when you wake.” Clorinde whispered. Then, she leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. Straightening herself, she spoke once more.
“Our girl is perfect isn’t she, Navia?”
When she didn’t hear her wife answer, Clorinde turned around, her eyes landing on her wife’s silent form on the bed. There was a smile on her face but Clorinde’s own smile slowly fell from hers when she realized that something was wrong.
“Navia?” Clorinde called for her once more as she approached. “Sweetheart?”
Gently, she took Navia’s face in her hands and despaired as it merely lolled to the side. Like a puppet whose strings were cut.
“No, no, no. Please. No.” Clorinde said as she pressed her ear to Navia’s chest, only to hear no heartbeat beneath. She held Navia’s face in her hand and kissed her, hoping that such an act would wake her once again. “Navia, ma vie , please wake up. Please. Aurelie still needs you. I need you.”
No answer and Clorinde’s sobs only intensified further as the realization set in.
“Navia…”
Her wife was gone. She was a widow and their daughter was orphaned of one parent. Clorinde had lost the love of her life and all she could do was take her in her arms and tightly hold her rapidly cooling body close to her own.
“Mon amour…”
Before Clorinde could even realize it, she was screaming amidst the sobs. And everyone who heard could only describe it as the scream of sheer and utter heartbreak. Vaguely, Clorinde heard the doors fly open and then there were hands on her shoulders, gently coaxing her to let Navia go. It took a moment but eventually, she did. She had to. However, such was her grief and anguish that all Clorinde could do was fall to her knees as she sobbed and mourned her beloved wife.
In the coming days, all of Fontaine will feel the loss of Navia Caspar, President of the Spina di Rosula and a kindhearted woman who was a pillar of the community. They would feel her loss and they would mourn. As is natural for those who are left behind by one so beloved.
But no heart would ever be as broken as Clorinde’s heart was on the day her greatest fear, her worst nightmare, finally came true.
It was raining when they buried Navia two days later. They buried her next to her parents on that graveyard on the hill overlooking Poisson. There must have been hundreds who attended the funeral and even more who attended the procession from Fontaine to Poisson then back to the graveyard on the outskirts of the town. And yet, Clorinde couldn’t find it in her to pay them much attention apart from a nod of acknowledgement.
The day went by in a haze. Their friends rallied around her and Aurelie in support and sympathy. Wriothesley, ever the stalwart friend, helped her walk whenever her steps faltered. Furina held Aurelie throughout the funeral, calming the child down by bringing Chevalmarin out to entertain the newborn. The rest were there in silent support. People to lean on should she need them as the funeral proceeded.
It was still so unreal for Clorinde. She didn’t want to speak. She felt like speaking would acknowledge everything that’s happened. And acknowledging everything that’s happened would mean accepting that her wife…her beloved Navia…was well and truly gone.
So, she stayed silent. But that didn’t mean others did. Clorinde could hear them whispering all around her throughout the funeral. “Poor Champion Duelist…” they would say of her. “...widowed at such a young age.” “Poor child…” they would say of Aurelie. “...her mother couldn’t even bear to look at her…or hold her.”
She could have proven them wrong then and there. Proved that they were wrong to doubt her love for her own flesh and blood. Take Aurelie in her arms and hold her close. But she didn’t. How could she when all she could think about was how to follow her beloved Navia to her grave?
The funeral progressed and the coffin was opened to allow the mourners to see Navia one final time. Wriothesley helped her approach and it took Clorinde every fiber of her being to not break down then and there. To scream her denials of Navia’s death. So instead, she stayed silent, only allowing her sobs to be heard. Then, she watched Furina approach with Aurelie in her arms, gently placing the child on top of her mother to press her lips to Navia’s forehead, supporting her by the chest as she did so.
“Say good night to your mother, Aurelie.” Furina said, voice cracking as tears silently streamed down her face. After a few seconds, she drew her back and nodded in Clorinde’s place. The coffin was closed once more and finally, it was lowered.
Clorinde didn’t even realize that she had dropped a bundle of Navia’s favorite pluie lotus on top of her coffin as the Spina’s gun salutes went off…
xxx
“You…blame Aurelie, don’t you?” Wriothesley asked, later in the night when the wake was done and everyone but the servants had gone home.
“I don’t blame Aurelie.” Clorinde hastily yet coldly answered as she downed a glass of bourbon from her armchair by the parlor’s fireplace. She poured herself another glass and took it in her hold as she used the other hand to massage her forehead.
In the past day or so, this was what her nights have been like; arranging Navia’s funeral while trying to numb the pain with alcohol. It worked…somewhat. Or maybe it was the work of arrangement that kept her numb. She didn’t know. It had to at least be helping.
“Well, clearly you’re angry at something, Clorinde.” The Duke reiterated, watching her down one glass after the other. Eventually, he stepped in, taking the bottle away from her reach. But not before he poured one for himself.
Hey, if he was gonna play therapist, he might as well have some to get him through what is sure to become a volatile discussion.
“Wriothesley, please. I’m not dumb, naive, or cruel enough to blame a child for my wife’s death.” Clorinde informed him as she drank once more.
“Right.” Wriothesley said, tapping his finger on his glass in frustration. Why did his best friend have to be this stubborn in a time when she shouldn’t be? Still, despite his frustration, he continued.
“Well, this is coming from something, Clorinde. You’re angry. And there’s a root cause to this pain. Something beyond Navia’s death. Someone or something that you’re-” Finally, it dawned on him why Clorinde was acting this way.
“You blame yourself, don’t you?” He asked. With a scoff, Clorinde stood and faced the window, watching the raindrops patter on the glass. When she failed to give him a concrete defense, he continued. “You blame yourself and you want to fall on your own sword because of it…but you can’t. Because you promised Navia that you’d go on and take care of Aurelie.”
“How could I not blame myself, Wriothesley?” Clorinde hastily asked of him, her voice gradually rising in tone to reflect her anger. “M-My Navia-My Navia is dead. My Navia is dead, my daughter is bereft of one mother, and the fact that she’s no longer here is my fault!”
Clorinde took a moment to compose herself. In actuality, she wanted to stop talking. She wanted to stop the words from coming out of her mouth. She was the strongest Champion Duelist of Fontaine; it was not in her to be this weak.
But try as she might, she couldn’t. And when Wriothesley didn’t say anything else, her mouth and mind continued before she could stop herself.
“And no, I-I didn’t exactly murder her but I drove her to her death anyway! By not insisting harder that I carry Aurelie in her stead! By…By letting her go through with the pregnancy even though we were told that what happened to her mother could happen to her!”
Finally, Clorinde broke down as the admission left her lips. She leaned back against the wall and sobbed, gripping her head in her hands as she did. Slowly, the Duke approached and took her in his arms. Clorinde was always like a sister to him and he hated seeing her like this.
“My wife is gone.” Clorinde said in between sobs. “How can I look Aurelie in the eye and raise her, knowing it’s my fault her mother is gone?”
“You’re hurt and grieving and you lost the love of your life. I can never and will probably never understand what that feels like” Wriothesley said. “But it is not your fault that Navia is dead. It’s no one’s fault; not hers, yours, or Aurelie’s. It’s just the hand that you were dealt.”
Clorinde separated from her, taking the time to wipe her tears. The Duke could only give her a sympathetic hand on her shoulder, knowing that he could never take the pain she felt away.
“You don’t have to forget her or move on immediately. But you do have to pick yourself up and tend to Aurelie.” He gently reminded her. Clorinde stayed silent, allowing him to continue.
“I for one know what it’s like to be betrayed by your parents and Clorinde, if you don’t take care of Aurelie and love her as she deserves, that is what she will feel. Not just her. But Navia as well." He implored her. "So, pick yourself up and keep your promise to Navia. That way, she can well and truly rest in peace.”
Just as Wriothesley finished his sentence, someone entered their room, clearing their throat to announce their presence. They turned, seeing one of Aurelie’s nursemaids nervously standing there.
“Pardon the intrusion, milady, my lord duke. But it’s Lady Aurelie. We can’t get her to settle or stop crying. We fear that there might be something wrong.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Clorinde didn’t hesitate to bolt for the nursery.
As Clorinde made her way around her home to get to her daughter’s nursery, her heart pounded in her chest. When the nursemaid said they feared that something might be wrong with Aurelie, she snapped out of her self-pitying stupor immediately. Instead, her thoughts were plagued by one thing and one thing only: her daughter’s health.
Aurelie was born two weeks earlier than expected and though the check ups that followed swore up and down that she was in good health, Clorinde was still terrified that her small and utterly defenseless daughter would develop some ailment or disease that would cut her life short a mere two days after she came into the world.
Should that happen then Clorinde will truly have no reason to live any longer. No reason to keep going.
Hastily, she approached the door of Aurelie’s nursery and her heart gripped at her daughter’s wails. Without hesitation, she flung the door open and her eyes landed on another nursemaid doing her best to calm the child down.
“Milady! Thank the Archons you’re here!” She exclaimed as she continued to rock the crying babe in her arms. “She’s been fed and changed but nothing we do will calm her down. Should we fetch the doctor?”
For a moment, Clorinde couldn’t find it in her to speak. All she could do was stare helplessly at her equally helpless daughter, trying to figure out how she could best soothe her pain. Taking a deep breath, she held her arms out.
“Give her here. Please.” She requested. Despite her confusion, the nursemaid did as she bade and laid the crying Aurelie in Clorinde’s arms. Much to their shock and astonishment, as soon as she was laid in her mother’s arms, Aurelie’s wails gradually reduced to mere whimpers.
“Well, would you look at that!” The nursemaid said in awe. “Looks like the little lady was simply missing her mother, after all.”
Could it be possible? That Aurelie was merely crying for her attention after all? For her mother to finally take notice of her after days of barely seeing her? Clorinde knew that such a thing wasn’t possible. That there must have been a reason why Aurelie suddenly calmed in her presence…
But despite that, she couldn’t stop the guilt that stabbed her heart as it sunk into her just how much she had been neglecting her daughter. Her precious daughter. The final gift that she would ever receive from her beloved Navia. An innocent child who deserved all the love and joy Teyvat had to offer.
What a horrible mother she was already shaping up to be, leaving her alone like this. For acting as if this baby girl didn't lose Navia as well…
“Fetch the doctor please. I’d like to make sure that there’s truly nothing wrong with her.” Clorinde requested as she held Aurelie’s tiny hand with her thumb and forefinger. In response, the little girl let out a small coo as she did her best to wrap her hand around the fingers that held it. So enamored was Clorinde by the act that she didn’t even notice the nursemaid leave to follow her orders.
After taking a few moments to rock her daughter in her arms, Clorinde sat on the chair that she had made for Navia. Her heart stung once again at the sight of it, knowing that Navia should be the one sitting here with Aurelie in her arms. But despite that, she pushed through it, focusing instead on her daughter.
She really was such a pretty child. With her chubby cheeks and pale complexion, Clorinde could tell that she was going to grow up into such a beauty in the future. She even had no doubt that she would take after Navia more than her. The only difference would be the dark curls on her head and the nose she got from Clorinde. As she continued to observe her child, their eyes met and Clorinde’s breath was taken from her once more upon seeing her wife’s vibrant blue eyes in their daughter.
Before Clorinde knew it, she was sobbing as she held Aurelie close.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she pressed her lips to the babe’s forehead. “I’m so sorry for not being here. You didn’t deserve that. You deserve so much better than what I’ve shown you. I’m so sorry.”
Clorinde leaned back once more, taking the time to look at her daughter once again.
“But don’t worry. I’m here now. I will be better for you, Aurelie, I promise you. You will grow and grow well and I will be with you every step of the way. You will want for nothing so long as I am here. I swear it.”
Looking at her now, Clorinde can finally admit to herself why it took her this long to see…really see…Aurelie; she was scared. Scared that if she looked at her for too long, Clorinde would no longer feel the love she felt for her when she was born. She was scared that that love would be replaced by blame and hatred for her for Navia’s death.
Clorinde thanked every god in Celestia that she was proven wrong. Because holding her in her arms now, she could feel nothing but love for her little princess.
Finally, Aurelie yawned and gradually her little breaths evened out as her eyes drooped and shut, signaling her gentle entry to the land of dreams as she lay content in her mother’s arms.
“Sleep well, Aurelie.” Clorinde whispered. “I love you. And your mother loves you too.”
As she continued to gently lull Aurelie to sleep, Clorinde sent a silent prayer to Navia. Telling her that she had nothing to worry about. That she’ll make sure that Aurelie grows up safe and sound. And that she will continue to love Navia until her dying day. Clorinde would prepare herself for the future as best she could. All in the service of ensuring that their daughter grows up well.
Clorinde wasn’t ready for a future without Navia but deep down she knew that, for their daughter, she would have to be…