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“so do what you want (and dress how you feel)”

Summary:

Just when Virgil was grappling with her gender stuff, he meets his boyfriend’s high school best friend for the first time. Janus thinks this entire mess is hilarious.

(Gym Rat AU. One-shot.)

Notes:

Takes place after “tell me now that u like my style, oh".

Time/place skips are indicated with a “-” section break. The alternating POVs by a “---” break.

-

Title Ref: She/her/hers' - “Gender Is Boring”

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Janus just finished their physical therapy training and found a position at Radiant Orthopedics back in their old haunt.

They wondered how their gremlin buddy was doing, while they were gone. For the past couple years or so, Remus called them about a bunch of things, quite frankly far too many things. He sounded overjoyed when he landed the perfect job. Excited about a new friend he made there. Over the moon when he met someone named Virgil.

It was almost a coin flip’s chance that he’d bring up Virgil and it was so overwhelmingly mushy. Jan would tune out that kind of talk if it were anyone else, but Remus sounded a lot happier than… before. So, Janus didn’t mind it as much, as long as Virgil treated the imp right. Otherwise, they would make sure that Remus’s lucky boyfriend was going to regret it.

Janus had barely settled in, when Remus gave them another call, “Hey! J-Anus! I was gonna take Virgie out to the mall on the weekend. Wanna cooome?”

The almost sensual way Remus dragged that last word made Janus snort, “Sure. It wasn’t like I was busy or wanted to meet the boyfriend.”

“About that…”

“Hm?”

“Scare-amore’s been uh. Exploring some… things.”

“What, pray tell, do you mean?”

“Uh, I think it would be funnier if I could surprise you both!”

“How foreboding .”

Remus cackled, “Thanks a lot, Jannie! I gotta fuck, and then unfuck another cooling system, byyye!”

The line went dead before Janus could say anything. They shook their head, preparing for whatever Remus had in store for the three of them.

-

Janus wasn’t sure if Remus properly disclosed that she was really quite fluid about things. Not that she cared so much – if someone fell for Remus, they’d probably Get It on some level.

Birds of a feather and all that.

She was feeling some deep red lipstick and faux-snakeskin stilettos. She felt like going a little ham with a flowing black silk skirt and a frilly straw yellow blouse. Golden pendant earrings, a purse that matched the shoes, the works.

She didn’t care about overdressing – she damn well knew it was just an ordinary mall, not some kind of fancy gala. If anything, she was holding back a little bit.

The psoriasis was manageable, some dull aching in her knees and fingers, some semi-angry rashes. It was only a fairly recent, pleasant development that it started to affect her joints. Bringing along one of her canes was probably a good idea, in case it got worse. Or this Virgil guy(?) pulls anything on Remus or herself. Any combination, really.

Janus was not above going a little bit feral about things. She had quite a selection of elegant sword canes of a variety of materials and detailing. She brought along one with a handle wrapping matching her bag and shoes.

She was perhaps a little too eager to find out if brandishing the weapon was necessary.

Virgil was lucky her past week went pretty well with her clients and energy levels.

-

They all met in the food court, on the ground floor. Remus and Virgil were more than halfway done with their Panda Express, by the time Janus arrived. 

Janus ate at home, to give the lovebirds some time to mingle beforehand.

It looked like Remus put in more effort in his look, too. The tutu he wore was made of tattered, neon green tulle. She swore the guy wore that thing back in high school sometimes, it looked like it earned a few new scorch marks since. Such an eye-searing, garish get-up with plenty of his favorite color on black. He was looking at his partner from across the table with obvious admiration and amusement.

Virgil looked like they wanted to merge into the wall behind them, as Janus approached. Remus described Virgil like a walking Hot Topic mannequin, over the phone. She chuckled before approaching and clearing her throat. “Evening. It’s been too long, hasn’t it?”

Remus hopped up and gave Janus a tight squeeze, enthusiastically yelling, “JANNY!”

Janus tried not to wheeze too noticeably, “Oh, I definitely didn’t miss feeling like a boa constrictor’s meal-to-be.”

Janus also looked at Virgil, who just looked completely uncomfortable about what was happening here. Janus noticed that Virgil wore some lip gloss that had a delightful shade of plum to it. It suited them, still not sure what Remus meant about the term “boyfriend” being in question.

Once Remus released Janus, she reached out to shake Virgil’s hand, “Virgil, was it? I’d like to get to know you a little better. I am Janus, I’m sure he’s told you plenty about me, yes?”

Virgil mumbled, hesitantly returning the handshake, “Sort of. It was kind of confusing. Sounded like he was talking about different people named Jan sometimes. At first, anyways.”

Janus couldn’t help but laugh about that, before quieting down, and taking a seat. “Oh, sweetie. I don’t really make it much of a secret, at least among friends.”

Virgil grumbled, “What the fuck are you getting at?”

“Today, I was feeling a bit more like a woman. Tomorrow, I might not. Hell, maybe not by the time I retire for the night! Kind of the whole genderfluid bag.”

Virgil’s stiff posturing relaxed for a microsecond before they tensed up again, only saying, “Oh.”

Remus nudged Virgil, “Scare-amore, is it okay if Janny knows?”

Janus was impressed with how cautious Remus was being, more evidence about how much the guy cared about this emo.

Virgil twiddled with their food, it looked like kung pao tofu, “Uh. I’m… questioning things. And the gushy eldritch horror over there felt like we could- uh. Do some shopping? I guess? It was kind of short notice.”

The way Virgil blushed amused Janus, “Sure thing. Any preferences I need to know about?”

“Uh. I don’t care all that much, I don’t really mind being called a guy. But she/her feels kind of nice? Doesn’t sound exactly like what your deal is, but- I don’t know.”

Janus found this intriguing and took it in for what to suggest later. Given the three of them’s current choices in wardrobe, she had a few ideas. She was willing to pitch in, depending on how things went.

While they strolled the place, Janus thought to probe Virgil a bit more. One of the stories Remus loved to repeat was how the two first met. It was kind of hard to imagine someone so withdrawn and fidgety having the honor of punching her BFF like that. Janus supposed she shouldn’t be all that surprised about how Remus approached the matter.

She did wonder more about Virgil’s side of it.

---

Whenever Remus brought up a Jan in conversation, it was somewhat confusing to Virgil.

That BFF of his seemed pretty cool, whenever Remus talked about their high school antics every now and then. Jan was brought up a lot more frequently, after Virgil started to talk about the whole gender thing with.

Remus was lovably weird about his sensibilities and it helped Virgil feel more comfortable pulling on that thread more.

Virgil was taken by surprise when Remus sprung another spontaneous mall date on her. She low-key never wanted to get used to it, despite sarcastically griping about it. It was always a confusing blend of nerve-wracking and exciting.

They were chilling out in the food court and enjoying each other’s company. That was until someone he never met approached their table. Someone who clearly put a lot of effort in their look. Her look? Virgil wasn’t really sure what to think.

Well, he did think this person looked pretty and walked with an enviable amount of poise.

Virgil was confused and uneasy, until Remus basically yelled Janus’s name and entangled them.

But then Jan mentioned the whole genderfluid thing and that made her feel a little more jealous. Janus, like Remus and Logan, seemed to have their shit together on the subject. It made her feel like she should have figured this out years ago.

Never mind what Logan said about it.

Janus asked him something as they left the food court, “Remus told me so much about you. There was an incident at the gym, yes?”

Remus just snorted about that, taking the lead out into the rest of the building. Questionably.

Virgil hated the way this lady smiled at him, and hated the way his cheeks heated up in embarrassment, “Y-yeah. What’s it to you?”

She was a little bit sing-song and smug, “Oh. Nothing. Not like I’ll see you more often.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m a physical therapist – I’ll be working with some clients over there. I heard from a little vulture that you had quite the mean left hook.”

Virgil already wanted to scream and it took all the willpower she had not to as they approached the first stop. Spencers. The restrained scream turned into an audible groan as Remus giggled his way into the store. “I plead the fifth.”

Janus chortled as the three of them entered.

It came to no surprise that Remus went straight for the sex toy section. He was already ogling some of the rainbow vomit Creature Cocks and strap-ons all starry-eyed. Remus pointed to all the alt girl stuff in a different spot of the store, transfixed by all the squishy swirly silicone dildos, “You girlies can go do your thing over there.”

Admittedly, there was a lot of shit here that Virgil saw similar products over where she worked at. She chewed into her cheek, staring at the plaid skirts on the racks in front of her. They looked nice. Not really the colors she wanted, though. 

Virgil didn’t know what to think of the way Janus was looking at him during that, either.

Remus eventually got three different lava lamps, way too many Monstropus Tentacles, and a “Thou May Sucketh Deez Nuts” Tee shirt. Janus settled on a “Fuck Around and Find Out” beanie hat. Virgil just grabbed a couple leather cuff bracelets and a studded belt.

Before they properly left, Remus ran back in and out with something else tossed into his shopping bag that he refused to show Virgil what it was until they got home later. Virgil wasn’t sure if he should be scared.

A couple shoe places on the same floor were their next stops.

Janus grabbed a pair of fancy black and gold pumps. Remus got a new pair of boots and the MOST eye-searing green shoelaces. Virgil swore those things were well over a couple hundred bucks, each.

Virgil’s casual wear was seeing better days. The foxing was peeling off and there was a pretty deep crack underneath both of her shoes. She went for a couple pairs of high tops – one solid black and the other with white accents. It was steal for a multi-pack bundle of purple, black, and white variant laces.

Virgil also stared at a pretty glossy pair of boots and tried not to get too overwhelmed by the sticker shock already. Janus seemed to notice him staring at the price tags, “Don’t worry your pretty little head, it’s all on me.”

Virgil still wasn't sure what Janus’s game was, but Remus smiled, “Me too, Scare-amore!”

Virgil’s cheeks heated up, “Geez. It’s not like it’s a special occasion…”

Remus then grabbed Virgil by the shoulders, staring him in the eyes way too intensely, “For you? It can be!”

Virgil threw his head back and sighed, “Fiiine.”

So far, most of the items were still somewhat “neutral”. But she couldn’t stop thinking about those skirts, while the three of them rode up the escalator. Janus was carefully holding up her fancy cane away from the moving parts.

Virgil zoned back in on Remus idly rambling, “What if it snags on somebody, tearing off all their clothes in front of everyone? What if it catches fire with all of us on it, trapped on all sides? What if the motor malfunctions and flings everyone off it like a horrifying human ballista?”

That did get a few very unnerved strangers nearby to hasten their ascent (and descent), a little bit anyways. Honestly? Virgil wanted to join them. Janus laughed, “Buddy. How much sleep did you get last night?”

“None at all! Far too excited about today!”

It wasn’t long after their climb that Remus grabbed Virgil’s wrist and started tugging him toward the Hot Topic a few yards away. Remus looked like he wanted to go full tilt with him in tow, but slowed up to let Janus keep pace.

Virgil was worried about whose shift they were all going to walk in on. She did not want to deal with explaining things with them or making a scene with them. She found herself imagining wearing a really cute skirt again and felt her cheeks heat up.

Janus noticed and smiled at her, “You really need to stop overthinking things. Indulge!”

Virgil grumbled, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Janus laughed again, Virgil swore it was at his expense.

Virgil was the last of the three of them setting foot in the store. It looked like Roxie was manning the register. He wasn’t really chatty with his coworkers, partly due to getting the third degree from some of those customers who thought he was some kind of slacker. They were usually a hard-ass, exhausted parent bringing along their spawn in there.

He went over to the racks with the skirts and other clothes. 

She wasn’t sure if she liked that they got there at a less busy time. On the one hand, less customers meant less people staring at them. On the other, more opportunities for Roxie to start an awkward conversation. It would be a huge mess. He wished they shopped online or some shit. But nooo, the gremlin HAD to pout and whine at him like a dog begging for a treat.

Remus was off somewhere else in the store, but Janus just kept hovering around him. He hated feeling- knowing he was getting sized up by anyone. “Look. I don’t want to start shit. But can you give me some space?”

Janus frowned slightly before going, “… I don’t suppose you know what your size is?”

“Of course I do!”

At least Janus was being discretionary, “Oh, honey. There’s a reason why women have to go try everything on. Even when they do know that.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Let’s just say… in the women’s section, standardization may as well be Santa Claus.”

Virgil wanted to facepalm, he worked there for at least a whole year and he didn’t know that. Suddenly his nerves lit up, he did not want to be here forever.

As if to mortify him further, Roxie wandered over to him, “Virgil? What are you doing over here, this fine evening?”

Virgil tried and failed to not appear embarrassed. When she wasn’t really actively thinking about this gender shit, she’d be better at pulling his usual aloofness. But this was all still new and scary. “Uh…”

As if on cue, both Remus and Janus looked at Roxie in a weird, vaguely threatening way. Roxie wasn’t oblivious, first looking at his boyfriend, “Oh. Is this a daaate?”

Remus grinned on a dime and tightly side-hugged Virgil, “Hi, Roxie!”

Virgil did NOT want to think about how Roxie met Remus, their first time. It was up there with the Gym Incident. Despite that, she quickly got used to his antics. Virgil admitted to herself there were worse shifts they could’ve walked in on. Virgil mumbled, “M-maybe…”

Roxie snorted and looked at Janus, “And who’s this?”

Remus smiled and side-hugged Janus with the other arm. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh a little bit from the startled “oof” out of Janus. The mildly affronted look Janus gave Remus made it even funnier. Remus gleefully introduced her, “This is Janus. We go waaay back!”

Virgil snarked, truthfully, about Janus to his coworker, “Sorry, I don’t know this person.”

Janus looked at Virgil with SUCH insult, “Hey!”

Roxie seemed pretty amused about Remus’s antics, but still looked at Virgil again, “So, what’s got your interest today, Vi?”

Virgil gulped and stared at a rack full of pleated plaid skirts of different colorways. Some were purple and black, he didn’t see that in the Spencer’s earlier. Those were perfect and… cute. She took a deep breath, projecting her voice a little more than she intended, but deflating towards the end. “I want to try this skirt, okay?!”

He thought to himself, right after that, “It's like a band-aid. You just gotta rip it off.”

Roxie blinked at the outburst, “Did you need any help with that? Or-?”

Virgil sighed, “I, uh. I just need to figure out what’s going to fit, y’know?”

“Well, you know where the fitting room is, Vi.”

---

When Roxie left to attend to other customers, Remus grabbed a few things for himself. Him and Virgil took a few trips back and forth from the product and the fitting room. Remus was cackling a lot, and loud enough to be heard throughout the entire store.

The tiny room was an eye-searing red and black, covered with various band posters inside.

Remus grew more and more jovial the more trips they took in there – it made Janus a little bit curious. When it looked like they were holding a completed look or few, she decided to knock, “Are you deliberately leaving this girl in suspense, Little Raccoon?”

Remus erupted into a cackle at that from the other side. Virgil was clearly flustered, the door still not open, “W-what? Fuck you, Jan!”

Janus couldn’t help but snicker, she couldn’t help but play flirtatious, “Oh, you’re fun .”

The door opened just enough for a hand with black nail polish and a new black and white striped shirt sleeve to poke outside. Said hand immediately flipped her the bird.

Janus rolled her eyes, “Oh, how mature.”

The arm was retracted. The door opened a tiny bit more. Before Janus could get a good look, the door was very nearly slammed shut. The last minute restraint there just amused Jan more.

Virgil grumbled, “I’m pretty sure I’m taller than you anyways…”

Remus chimed in, “Awww, Surly Temple. You’re too CUTE not to be flaunting this look. C’mooon , let Janny see ya! For me?”

Virgil huffed, “HEY. Who’s side are you on!?”

Janus felt the ache in her knees getting harder to ignore, it was building up as they rode the escalator. She leaned into Remus’s pleas, losing some of her patience, “You can totally hog that dressing room. Closing hours are just a suggestion.”

Janus heard some whining, followed by groaning – presumably Remus, then Virgil. There was barely audible muttering too. The door was finally opened fully, for Janus to see what Virgil was going to look like.

Virgil wore that purple and black plaid skirt she was staring at like it was the Hope Diamond or something. Lovely match to the lip gloss. It was a mini and had a little chain attached on her right. There was a loosely placed black stud belt, sagging over her left. She wore matching striped leggings with the sleeves Janus glimpsed earlier. It was a twofer shirt with black, cropped tee with an elaborate chest piece print. It was decorated with skulls, bones, and flowers.

Janus couldn’t help but nod approvingly. This wasn’t AS disastrous as she’d expected from her gremlin buddy.

Remus grinned, “We kiiinda grabbed more than one look, but the second one’s gonna have to be a surprise!”

The way Virgil blushed even more made Janus more curious, “Spill.”

Remus just pointed at the seat behind them. On it was a white collared shirt, a necktie that matched the skirt, and stockings. Remus was beaming, “What do you think?”

Janus visualized Virgil walking around like a Catholic school girl with immense amusement. “Surprisingly.. tasteful.”

Virgil stood there squirming before yelling, “OKAY. Okay. You saw. Now I gotta get this shit off and go ring it up.”

Virgil shoved her away from the room and speedily closed the door again. Janus was glad her cane was there to steady her, otherwise that affair would have been far more undignified. Oh, she knew exactly what their last stop for the day was. As a little bit of revenge for that.

Before long, the stuff was bought and bagged. Janus will give Roxie one thing, she was pretty cool about all of this. Janus thought, amused, “Once you get to know Remus, not a lot is going to phase you.”

As they left the store, Janus spoke up, “You two had your fun. I have one last stop in me before this lady needs her beauty rest. Follow me, if you will.”

Virgil hesitated, back in her old outfit, “I don’t like the sound of that.”

Janus started walking. Remus tugged Virgil along a bit before he followed of his own accord.

They started slowing down nearby the jewelry store. Virgil stared a moment, “I feel like my bank account is crying over there.”

Remus prodded him, “Hey now. We’re covering most of this for ya!”

Janus kept walking, “Don’t worry, it’s just little ways more.”

Virgil was confused, good. After they turned a corner and passed by another store, they arrived. The vibrant pink exterior and the glossy, bold granite flooring were unmistakable.

Virgil clipped, “Janus, no…”

Janus and Remus answered in unison… totally on purpose, “Janus, yes!”

It was Victoria's Secret. And Janus needed the excuse to get some things for herself there, anyways. Janus just went ahead of them, very smug. She was very curious to see what the Emo would gravitate towards as she made a bee-line toward a rack of lacy rompers that left absolutely nothing to the imagination.

Janus had just started off with another fling and she wanted to look irresistible. It was always kind of amusing how torn Remus was over hearing about her mostly exciting escapades. Guy listened with fascination but would occasionally look uncomfortable and confused, “Putting yourself in things again?”

He’d usually snap out of it, snicker, and quip, “It’s so HARD not to!”

Back in the moment, in her peripheral, she noticed Remus running off for the corsets. Jan knew that thing will never look the same again once he took it home. Virgil awkwardly followed behind, Janus wondered, “Has Virgil EVER entered a Victoria’s Secret, before?”

Janus draped a couple pieces for herself before walking up to Vi, “Lost?”

He grumbled, “Kinda in the Deep End, what the fuck did you expect?”

“I saw some really cute cami sets over here. I want you to check them out.”

Virgil sighed before agreeing, “Fine.”

There was so much red, pink, and black in the place. Janus mentally figured that the two lovebirds couldn’t go wrong with the latter. It was a treat to find more adventurous colorways there. And it didn’t take much longer to hear a stifled gasp from Vi, “What is it?”

What Virgil pulled up to Janus surprised her a little bit. It was a pastel floral piece with violets all over it, there was nothing about the design that made Jan think that broody shadowling she’d been acquainted with. A faintly purple-white solid background, bold flowers and petals scattered about the print, lace trimmings matching them. Not a speck of black on the entire thing.

The way Virgil looked at that thing, Janus couldn’t bring herself to rib her about, “Like it?”

“I-I think so?”

“You know where the fitting room is, here?”

Virgil’s expression darkened, “Can both of you stay nearby for that?”

“Sure thing.”

Thankfully, it was a little more discreet and straightforward than back at the Hot Topic. Virgil wanted to keep it a surprise to Remus, because the gremlin had similar intentions. The fact he felt enough trust there may or may not have warmed Jan’s heart. A little bit.

The three of them also spent time buying other things before calling it.

Also, Janus wanted to finish things up quickly so they could get some beauty rest after this affair.

Janus may yet find more entertainment from Remus’s partner going forward.

---

It felt like a blur.

Once they had brought everything into Virgil’s apartment, Virgil was really starting to process everything that happened at the mall.

He thought they were going to be done in the Hot Topic. But nooo, that Janus person just had to drag him into one of the most ritzy feminine stores in the entire building!

Jan’s entire demeanor pissed her off a bit too. She had some trouble reading her – and Remus? The betrayal! Then again...

She was kind of glad that both of them were there with her though this. She wouldn’t have the nerve for half of it all. Scratch that, just, at all.

Remus snapped her out of reverie, “So. Who's gonna reveal their surprise, first?”

Virgil suddenly felt bashful about the last thing he had grabbed, “You first. Please?”

Remus grinned wildly and pulled out something from the Spencers' haul. It was a mesh crop top with skeleton hands groping the boobs part of the chest. Virgil couldn’t help but laugh, “Whose wearing that!?”

“You, silly!”

“Is it even going to fit?”

“I dunno! Try it on! If it doesn’t, we can just return it.”

Virgil puffed her bangs and went to work in the bathroom. Virgil wasn’t sure yet how much he wanted to fill out, but slapped it on over a plain black bra. It was a little tight for his comfort, but he had to admit – it was pretty funny. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be seen wearing it out in the open… yet.

Remus was mirthful about it, clapping gleefully, “Perfect! Oh! What about what you got?”

Virgil felt her cheeks flush again, grabbing the camisole set from their haul. She just dangled the set on the clothes hangers it came with, in front of her. “I, uh… is it too much?”

Remus absolutely squealed in delight, “I can’t WAIT to see you in that!”

“Yeah, yeah… maybe after we run everything through the wash first.”

Remus pouted, “Fiiine.”

“You have my word that I’ll try it on tonight.”

Remus answered that with a bone-crushing, lung collapsing hug. She barely set aside the clothes in time.

Virgil still felt like she needed to explore things a little more. But she felt good about where this was going, especially with the help of her boyfriend, QP, and potential future frenemy friend.

Notes:

Goes without saying, but I take no credit for the original works of which this has been derived. Much thanks to Blood for being a great sounding board with this one and for giving it a once-over. I also decided not to use an outline, like the other fics in this AU.

This took me entirely too long to write… but take it, pffft.

Series this work belongs to: