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It had all started innocently enough. They’d been docked on a small North Blue island for a few days now after a skirmish with some particularly ballsy Marines, and though they hadn’t posed much of an actual threat, they’d still been persistent enough to be annoying. Once they’d finally managed to lose them and dock, the crew of the Oro Jackson took full advantage of their newfound downtime. Besides the obligatory restocking of the ship, most of Shanks’ nakama could be found milling about the island doing anything from shopping to day drinking under the guarded eyes of the locals.
Shanks himself had been idly walking by the various shops and stalls located in the heart of the town. He’d lost sight of Buggy a few hours ago, the blue-headed boy having wasted no time in vanishing amongst the more well-off looking crowd. Shanks had made to follow him, but wasn’t in any real hurry, so it didn’t take long for the two to get separated.
Shanks didn’t mind. His friend was no doubt doing something that’d get him in trouble, and the two cabin boys had been holed up together for a long enough time without any breaks that Shanks was secretly grateful of his current reprieve. He loved his friend, really, he did, but the two of them could be the embodiment of oil and water sometimes. As it was, Shanks could admit he was getting a bit short with his friend for the past few days.
Arms folded behind his head, Shanks continued to meander on in a lazy stroll, face tilted upwards so that the sun could warm his cheeks. He closed his eyes as the little cloud coverage rolled through the sky, and exposed more of the sun's light. It really was a beautiful day, warm with an occasional cool sea breeze.
Unbeknownst to Shanks, his walking had slowed more and more until he’d came to a stop, too busy soaking in the day to notice. Of course, this almost immediately came to bite him in the ass considering he’d been walking along a relatively busy street.
Shanks had only had enough time to register a short, high-pitched squeak before he was suddenly barrelled into from the back. He let out a short shout, regaining his balance just quick enough to stop himself from having an unwelcome meeting with the cobblestone pathway below him.
With a pounding heart, he stood straight and glanced behind him at the person who’d ran into him. They hadn’t been as lucky as him, sitting squarely on their ass, their bag of groceries spilled out around them.
“Oh! Uh, my bad. I probably shouldn’t have stopped in the middle of the road like that, huh?” Shanks chuckled, reaching down to what he now knew was a girl. He held his hand out, waiting for her to take notice of him. She seemed a bit dazed, rubbing at her backside and wincing. Once she finally noticed his hand, she went rigid and immediately shot up.
“Oh! I-I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?! I’m sorry! Oh gosh, I’m so, so-” The girl stopped speaking almost as abruptly as she started, eyes growing wide. Her mouth gaped a bit, but aside from a few stuttering sounds, she didn’t say anything further.
Shanks lowered his hand, smiling at the girl. She seemed to be around his age with dark brown hair tied into two simple braids. She wore a simple yellow plaid dress, and had some visible scrapes and bruises on her knees, and Shanks suspected this was far from her first run-in with someone or something you shouldn’t run into. She looked a bit rumpled, but it was hard for Shanks to tell whether or not that was due to their collision or because she was just a bit messy herself. Either way, she didn’t look any worse for wear, though it never hurt to be sure.
“Hey, no sweat. Are you hurt? You’re the one who took the fall between the two of us.”
The girl didn’t reply, just continuing to stare at Shanks with wide eyes. Slowly, her cheeks began to dust over with a flush, and Shanks’ smile slipped a little.
“Shit, wait, are you hurt? Hello?”
The girl gasped loudly, startling Shanks enough to make him jump. “I’m! Ah. Fine! Fine!” She said hastily, voice squeaking up a pitch. That only seemed to make her blush harder.
“Ok, that’s…good.” Shanks said awkwardly, unsure now about what had the girl so flustered. The only times he’d seen anyone's face get that red was when his crewmates started drinking, or whenever he’d managed to make Buggy especially angry. She didn’t appear upset, or at least not upset in the angry sense, and Shanks doubted she was drunk. Huh, I wonder if she’s sick?
Shanks glanced down, finally remembering her lost groceries laying sadly at their feet. “Oh! Here, let me help you with tha-'' Shanks leant down reaching for a wayward orange, but before he could make contact with it, the girl swooped down and snatched it.
“AH! NO! I mean- uh.” The girl began frantically picking up everything that had spilled and gracelessly shoving it into a paper bag, tearing it further in the process. “It’s ok! Y-you don’t have to help! I’m sorry!” She stood back up, clutching the bag of groceries tightly to her heaving chest. “I’m, uh, sorry! See you!” She stuttered out before spinning on her heel and rushing away. Shanks blinked, staring after her.
“Uh, see…you?” He finished hesitantly. That was weird, but she was far from the oddest person Shanks had met in his life, so he mentally shrugged it off. Wherever she was off to, Shanks hoped she at least made it in one piece.
He heard some familiar snickering coming from nearby and glanced to his left. Under an awning and stuffing his face with some sort of pastry stood a smiling Doringo. When they made eye contact, the man’s smile turned teasing, and he leaned slightly forwards while batting his eyes at Shanks.
Shanks raised an eyebrow in question, but the man just laughed some more and stuffed the last of his pastry into his mouth, dusting the crumbs off his hand against the side of his pants. Shanks rolled his eyes, unsure what it was that had his crewmate poking fun at him, but not caring enough to find out.
His hands returned to the back of his head, and Shanks began wandering again, content with simply enjoying the day.
—
Shanks hadn’t thought much of the girl after that first encounter. Why would he? It wasn’t like she’d been the only new face he’d met that day, nor had she particularly stood out from the rest. That eventually changed when, no matter where Shanks went, he’d seem to run into her.
After another handful of small run-ins with the stuttering girl, he began to think she was following him. The island wasn’t particularly large, and his crew were all obviously pirates, so it wasn’t like finding him would be particularly hard. He wasn’t too worried though. He didn’t sense any malice coming from her, and it was obvious she was painfully shy.
He’d catch her peeking at him from nearby stalls, or sometimes trying to come up to him to talk before losing her nerve. Shanks didn’t begrudge her this. He knew not everyone could be as outgoing as those of his crew, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t also witnessed shy tendencies in Buggy or some of his more reserved nakama before. He just assumed she was bad at making new friends and needed a little help. It was this thought that had him taking pity on the girl and deciding to approach her instead.
“Hello.” Shanks said, smiling pleasantly at the floundering girl. She let out another one of her odd squeaks and Shanks could do nothing but patiently wait for her to ground herself. Once she had, she finally managed to stumble through a simple greeting.
Shanks smiled wider. “We never properly met. I’m Shanks, what’s your name?”
The girl straightened at his voice, her eyes frantically darting between his face and the ground. “...River.” She said quietly as she shuffled her feet. Her face was red again, and Shanks began to wonder if she just had a sunburn he’d failed to properly notice the first time they’d spoken.
“River, huh? That’s a cool name. So what’s up, River? Do anything fun today? Your island’s pretty relaxing, I’ve been taking some great naps on that one hill by the coast.” Shanks questioned, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and nodding his head in the direction of the hill.
River looked a bit panicked at his words, letting out a few false starts but not actually managing to say anything in return. Shanks grimaced. Right. Oops.
“Ah, sorry, didn’t mean to overload you there.”
“It’s fine!” She rushed to say in a loud voice, immediately shrinking back at the outburst. The rest of their admittedly short conversation continued along in a similar vein, with Shanks having to coax most of River’s replies out of her. It wasn’t the worst social exchange Shanks had ever had, but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t a little bit tiring.
River was a sweet girl as far as he could tell, but Shanks wasn’t used to having to do most of the heavy lifting in conversations. Not for the first time Shanks questioned how Buggy could continuously, and even excel in being the driving force of a conversation, sometimes to the point of essentially talking to himself.
Buggy wouldn’t have lasted two sentences with her , he thought with a snicker as he saw her stumble away after they’d exchanged goodbyes. He turned in the direction of the aforementioned hill, figuring a nap didn’t sound too bad at the moment, but he was quickly stopped in his tracks.
Their official introduction had been witnessed by none other than Doringo himself alongside Spencer and Sunbell. The moment the girl had disappeared from view, they’d rounded on Shanks, playfully shoving at him and locking him in noogie-filled headlocks.
Shanks had jumped when he’d felt their arms swing around his shoulders, unaware they’d even been standing nearby. The shock quickly turned to exasperated annoyance when they began laughing. He smiled, trying and failing to elbow them away.
That was when the teasing started.
“Doth my eyes deceive me? Is our little Shanksy-poo finally becoming a man?” Spencer asked, voice taking on an exaggerated and frankly horrible posh accent.
“Aye, I think so! The lad’s about that age. S’pose it was only a matter of time before a bird caught his eye.” Sunbell added before letting out a loud belly laugh.
“Uh-oh. You know what that means.” Doringo says, giving them all a shit-eating grin. “Fifty berry says Captain gets the shit end of the stick and has to give them the talk.”
“Psh, yeah right.” Spencer says, rolling his eyes. “As if Rayleigh would be dumb enough to leave that up to Roger of all people. Knowing the Captain, these brats will just end up more confused than when they started.”
“One hundred berry on Crocus” Sunbell says evenly. Spencer squawks at that. “No fair! That’s clearly the obvious answer!” Sunbell only wordlessly raised a brow at him.
“Deal!” Doringo concluded.
Shanks snickered a little, confused. “What are you lugs talking about?”
“Ooooh, nothing~ just wondering when you were gonna tell us all about your little crush.” Doringo singsonged. Shanks’ smile froze on his face as he registered the words, the corners of his mouth dipping a bit as something uncomfortable washed over him.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“No need to be shy, lad!” Sunbell beamed, his large hand landing heavily on Shanks’ shoulder as he jostled him a bit. Shanks shrank a little under its weight and glared up at them. The three of them, seeing whatever expression fell across his face, laughed even more.
Shanks frowned. “It isn’t like that.” He muttered, lowering his head a bit.
“Sure, sure.” Spencer said in a clear ‘We- totally -believe-you’ voice.
“It’s true! She’s barely even a friend!”
“Aye, but blush on the lass’ face tells a different story, aye, laddy?” Sunbell pushed, causing the three to delve into laughter again. In doing so, Shanks was finally released from their grasp and he wasted no time in taking a big step back from them. They didn’t seem to notice him doing so, just saying more things that had Shanks’ stomach squirming unpleasantly.
When he failed at getting another defensive word in, Shanks deemed this conversation a lost cause. Pouting and shoulders bunched, he skulked away from their echoing laughter.
—
Everything just seemed to conspire against Shanks after that. The three jerks hadn’t wasted any time in relaying their “findings” to the rest of the crew. Shanks couldn’t say he was that surprised, but he’d still held a bit of hope that they’d have dropped the topic regardless.
The following few days had thus been an ongoing slew of comments towards Shanks and his “romantic conquests.” It felt like every other word out of his nakamas’ mouths had something to do with Shanks and River. Of course, nothing Shanks said seemed to deter the teasing. If anything, his continual denial of any feelings just seemed to spur everyone on even more.
“Hey Shanks! Off to see your little lady friend?”
“Aye, boy, tell your girlfriend we all say hi! We’d love to meet her.”
“Shanks, be sure to flatter that girl up. Don’t worry kid, we won’t let you go out into the world without learning any game.”
“I had a girl back home before I joined y'all. Rule of thumb, Shanks. Chocolate and flowers. Chocolate. And. Flowers.”
“Aw, did you guys hold hands yet? Did she give you a hug yet? A little peck on the cheek? HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
“Aw, what’s with the sour face, Red? Did you and your girlfriend have a little fight?”
Even some of the more “mature” members of their crew joined it, sending Shanks a small playful jab here and there throughout the day. When both Rayleigh and Crocus began joining in, that’s when Shanks knew he was well and truly fucked.
And that wasn’t even including all of the kissy gestures his crew would throw at him. The exaggerated puckering of lips and obnoxiously loud kissing sounds did nothing but cause Shanks’ hackles to rise, and his gritted teeth and raised middle fingers just caused even more chaos. This just led to Shanks being subjected to even more shoving and poking, and Shanks was surprised to find that he was slowly growing to resent these touches.
But the worst by far was the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t escape River. He’d tried hiding away on the Oro, but that had been nothing but a double-edged sword. Sure, it meant he wouldn’t be caught talking to her again, but that also meant Shanks would have to endure an endless stream of teasing from whoever was on ship-watching duty. It wasn’t like he could just shut himself in his room either. He had chores and tasks to do after all, and he’d rather avoid a fist to the head from Rayleigh for slacking.
He’d contemplated asking the girl to leave him alone after the fourth time he’d been caught talking to her by someone, but he could never bring himself to do it. None of his current predicament was her fault after all, not really. She was just a shy girl who’s heart decided it fancied Shanks, and despite Shanks’ unease, he wasn’t about to spit in her face just because his crew was being particularly annoying. If nothing else, Shanks was at least grateful that it didn’t appear like she’d noticed the teasing. At least one of them was spared from this onslaught of torture.
Shanks’ only saving grace in all this was that Buggy didn’t also join in on the verbal jabbing. He appeared to be mostly disinterested in the conversation, or if he was listening in, then just as confused as Shanks had initially been. It was rare that his friend didn’t take any chance available to take a potshot at Shanks, but Shanks wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he resolutely refused to bring any of this up with Buggy, instead allowing the boy to ramble on about this or that and thus bringing a sense of normality back to Shanks.
It all came to a head on the second to last day. Shanks had dragged his feet into town on an errand for Crocus when River had once again found him. He internally sighed, but mustered up a smile regardless.
“Hey, River.”
“H-hi, Shanks!”
Shanks opened his mouth, ready to say the first excuse he could come up with to end the conversation as quickly as possible before anyone saw them. That plan went out immediately when a familiar face flashed in the corner of his eye. He quickly glanced over and took notice of the growing crowd of his crew and clenched his jaw.
When they saw him look over, they immediately started hollering in their direction causing even more people to notice and curiously look at Shanks. He could feel himself start to sweat under their scrutiny. Why were they all watching? Why was everyone looking at him?
“Go on lad, kiss her!”
“Yeah, give her a goodbye kiss!”
“G-goodbye kiss?” River startled, having finally taken notice of the jeering men, blushing the darkest Shanks had seen yet.
“Ah, yeah, we set sail tomorrow.” Shanks awkwardly answered.
“Oh…” She said quietly. They stood there in silence for a moment before River let out a rush of breath. She hunched her shoulders, but for once didn’t run for the hills. There was a determined set to her jaw as she looked up at Shanks through her eye lashes, and Shanks felt his heart begin to race.
“So, um, does that mean, uh-” Shanks began to fidget when she glanced at his nakama and started standing straighter at their encouraging shouts.
“Come on, kid!”
“Don’t leave her hangin’, boy!
Shanks’ hands began to tremble a bit, unsure of where this current feeling was coming from. It wasn’t new per-say, but it definitely wasn't one he felt often. He hoped he wouldn’t have to feel it again any time soon.
“A goodbye…kiss...” River parrots quietly, looking at Shanks with an unsure yet hopeful expression. Shanks choked a bit on his breath. He’d expected her to ask after it, he’d be an idiot not to, but it still shocked him that he’d managed to say it.
His racing thoughts are drowned out by his crew’s cheering, and Shanks’ mind starts to traitorously single himself out. He feels off-kilter in a way he never has before. Feels almost…betrayed somehow, though Shanks isn’t entirely sure why. He’s- it was-
If you do it, they’ll go away.
The thought jolts him in place. If he kissed her, maybe-maybe they’d stop teasing him so much. If he did it, he could finally be done with all of this, and things can go back to normal. Things would go back to how they used to be, and Shanks wouldn’t feel like this anymore. Yeah. Yeah! All he had to do was kiss her.
Get it over with.
His stomach churns with something foul.
It’s just a kiss. It’s just a kiss.
Shanks meets River’s eyes and opens his mouth.
“Oh, just do it already!” Someone yells.
Shanks feels his body move on autopilot, leaning in closer to River. It feels as though he’s moving through molasses, yet somehow like this is the fastest he’s ever moved. Shanks isn’t sure he’d ever been so hyper aware of himself outside of battle before, and the adrenaline has his mind spinning.
He’s vaguely aware of River leaning in to him as well, closing her eyes as she does so. Shanks follows suit, eyes clenched tightly shut. Closer, closer, closer, until finally his lips meet warm skin.
And then it was done. Just like that, in the blink of an eternal second. And it was-it was…
There’s a loud, cheering roar coming from beside them, and River’s hands fly to her flaming face. She spins around quickly and begins to rush off, tripping a little as she goes. She stops just long enough to look back and throw out an embarrassed, “good luck on your ship!” before continuing on.
“Atta, Boy!”
“WHOOOOO!”
“Our little man…all grown up.”
“How was that, laddy? Nice, ey?”
“Don’t be too sad now, plenty of girls on the seas. You’ll have plenty of time to practice some more of yer smoochin’ in no time!”
“Yeah, and a little mor- OW! WHAT THE FUCK, SEAGULL?!”
“HE AIN’T THAT OLD YET, YOU DAMN DOG!”
“I WAS JOKING, YOU WASHED UP- OW! FUCK OFF!”
Shanks ignores their yelling, feeling…feeling. He’s continuously shaken at the shoulder once his crew surrounds him, their jovian mood doing nothing to aid his own. They laugh and congratulate him, lamenting about their own first kisses and summer flings. Shanks wasn’t really listening. He blinks up at them when they start asking him questions.
“Well?” Taro pushes, “was it good?”
“Uh, heh, yeah.” He says when they all start to look at him expectantly.
“Yeah?”
“...Yeah.” Shanks smiles up at them, teeth displayed and cheeks forcing his eyes shut. There’s some more whooping at that, and Shanks finds himself trapped in another headlock.
“We’re proud of you, kid!”
Shanks doesn’t feel proud.
Once the men start to calm back down, they begin to walk off to go do something or other. Shanks doesn’t follow, simply standing in place for a bit longer. There’s a seagull cry somewhere in the distance, and it’s enough to catch Shanks’ attention. Mechanically, he turns on his heel and begins walking back to the ship.
It was over, he did it, now everyone could shut up about it. He did it. He did it. He did it-
When he boards the Oro, he’s pleased to see no one else was on deck. He takes advantage of this and hastily makes his way to the cabin before anyone else can talk to him. Once he’s through the door, he quickly shuts it and leans back against it, releasing a heavy sigh.
“The fucks up with you?”
Shanks’ eyes snap open at the unexpected voice. He quickly glances up and sees Buggy sitting at their desk with a book in his hands. He’s giving Shanks an annoyed glare that only deepens when he fails to answer. “Hello? Earth to fucking asswipe?”
“Uh, noth-” Nothing , he wants to say, but stops himself before he can. It wasn’t like Buggy wasn’t bound to find out eventually anyways, no doubt everyone present for the kiss would jump on anyone not in the know the moment they see them. Shanks shuddered a bit at the thought of the oncoming onslaught, hoping against all hope that he’d be right in the topic dying down, especially with their imminent departure.
“Uhh, uuh,” Buggy mocks in a dumbed down voice, “fucking spit it out already, or did u just come here to annoy me?”
“No, no, I just,” Shanks sighs, “I figured it’d be better that you heard it from me instead of someone else.” Buggy only raises an eyebrow at this, making a very patronizing ‘go on’ motion.
“I just had my first kiss.”
There’s a momentary pause where neither boy says anything, just staring at one another.
“Ew.” Buggy says simply, face twisted up in disgust. He ends the conversation there, turning away to go back to his book and ignoring Shanks entirely.
Shanks freezes in place.
Ew.
Something slimy slithers in his gut, and Shanks’ heart begins to pound anew.
Ew.
Shanks isn’t sure how long he stands at the door, but Buggy doesn’t bother to look at him again.
Ew.
There’s the feather-light sounds of a page turning, and Shanks focuses on the book Buggy is holding.
Ew.
Shanks pushes off the door and silently makes his way over to his bunk. He sinks down onto the hard bed and sits ramrod straight. Another page turns.
Ew.
Ew.
Ew.
Ew –
—
They left early the next morning, the sun barely peeking over the horizon when they raised anchor. Most of the crew is not awake to see the island off.
By the time breakfast is called, it’s long gone.
—
Shanks laid in bed gazing up at the underside of Buggy’s bunk. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but he knew it was at least early morning by now.
He squirms a bit, trying to get comfortable, but it’s like no matter what he does, his body protests. Turn one way, his arm feels numb. Turn the other, his leg is cramping. Turn again, his jaw feels sore. Roll over, his neck twinges. Shanks relaxes onto his back again and lets out a deep sigh.
The night is quiet, the only sounds audible being that of the waves crashing against the side of the Oro Jackson and the light snores coming from Buggy. Shanks closes his eyes, and after an indiscernible amount of time, he opens them again with another loud sigh.
This was torture, really. Shanks hated nights like this, especially because they were so few and far between for him. He lacked any coping skills when it came to insomnia, and felt all the more miserable for it. There wasn’t a single trick he could perform under the false hope that it’d actually get his mind to shut off. In fact, the only thing that ever did help him shut his mind off was-
Shanks glanced back up at the bunk above him, weighing the pros and cons of waking Buggy. Typically, when one of the boys was having a particularly rough night, they’d shuffle together into the same bunk, but it had been well over a year since either of them had done so, and while Shanks felt a twinge of embarrassment, his tired eyes were making quite the compelling argument.
Whether he asked permission first or not didn’t matter. Buggy had always been a light sleeper, and he knew his friend would react the same regardless; loudly incensed at being woken up from his “beauty sleep.” He also knew he’d be sporting a few new bruises from getting kicked in the middle of the night. Still, it was typically better to ask first when it came to Buggy. Begging for forgiveness rather than asking for permission was not a mentality to live by when it came to Buggy, and Shanks would rather spare himself the headache.
“Buggy?” Shanks whispered, trying not to startle the other boy. There was a soft snort that came from above him, but otherwise his friend continued sleeping.
“Buggy?” Called again, a little bit louder. Nothing.
“Buggy.”
…
“Buggy.”
…
“Buggy!”
“Fucking, WHAT?!” His friend finally whisper-shouted back.
“Can I sleep with you?”
“No. Fuck you.” Buggy shot back immediately. There was a lengthy pause where Shanks waited to see if his friend would change his mind. When nothing came, Shanks was overcome by a sudden feeling of panic.
“Please?” Shanks asked, biting down hard on his lip when his voice came out weaker than he intended. He heard some faint shuffling coming from Buggy, and Shanks couldn’t help but squeeze his eyes shut when the sounds stopped and the silence returned.
“You coming or what? Im tryna sleep.”
A wave of relief has him getting up immediately, quickly scrambling onto Buggy’s bunk before the boy can change his mind. He topples onto the bed, squirming a bit to get comfortable. Buggy only huffed and turned so that his back was facing Shanks.
They lay there for a bit, and Shanks focuses on Buggy’s increasingly deepening breaths. Slower and slower, deeper and deeper, Shanks listens to the sound of his friend falling asleep.
The panicked urgency returns, and Shanks begins to fidget. There’s something there, bubbling up inside of him. He needs to let it out. He can’t take it anymore, he can’t .
“I didn’t like it.” Shanks shakily admits into the quiet night, voice so low he wasn’t even sure if he’d spoken it out loud.
“Hm?” Came Buggy’s groggy reply, eyes still closed and facing the other way.
“The kiss. I didn’t like it. I didn’t- I didn’t want to. I-“ Shanks choked on a breath and it was like something within his chest broke. Shanks took another shuddering breath and began to quietly sob, his body shaking. “I-I didn’t want to.”
He sucked his raw bottom lip back into his mouth, trying to stifle the sounds of his crying. God, he felt pathetic. It was just a kiss, why was he getting all worked up over it? Shanks hiccuped, and only barely registered Buggy lifting his head and turning it slightly towards him.
The flooding sensation in his chest grew stronger, and any hopes of stopping his tears immediately fled. It was too late, the gates were open, the dam was broken, and Shanks hadn’t wanted it .
Why did he do it? Why did they make him do it?
Shanks closed his burning eyes and a hot wet trail ran down past his ear.
“I didn’t like it.” He brokenly repeated, voice hitched and sounding years younger.
Buggy rolled over so that he was now facing Shanks. He could feel his friend's eyes on him, searching his face, but Shanks couldn’t bring himself to look back. His cheeks heated up from both the crying and from shame.
What was he even doing, crying over something like this? He was a pirate! All pirates loved getting kisses from girls, or getting kisses from anyone, really! So why didn’t he? Why did it feel so…uncomfortable? Why did his skin feel so itchy now, like he was suddenly too big for his body? Like something was out of place and he knew it would never fit again?
Why did he feel so scared ? It’s been over a day since the kiss, and It wasn't as though she attacked him. She didn’t force him. So why? Why did he feel so-
It was wrong, everything felt wrong, and now they were out at sea, already plenty far away from the island, from River, and-
So why was he still so scared? Why hadn’t that creeping feeling gone away? The dread sat heavy in his stomach as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why does he feel the need to look over his shoulder? Why was he shamefully shaking at the thought of it all happening again? Why does he feel so…so…
Why does he feel so small?
A pair of bony arms hesitantly wrap around him and Shanks sniffles through another wave of tears. He opens his eyes and stares resolutely upwards, still unwilling to look at his friend. Buggy tugs him closer, and Shanks goes willingly, allowing his friend to move him as he pleases knowing he was safe here, safe with Buggy.
Buggy wouldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to. Buggy wouldn’t force him. Buggy would listen. Buggy would listen.
His friend still hasn’t said anything yet, and Shanks is still aware enough to admit it’s a bit surprising. He was expecting at least one snide jab at his crying if nothing else, but hey, Shanks wasn’t about to complain. And truthfully, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to take it right now.
Shanks turned his body towards Buggy as Buggy’s hand came to rest at the back of his head. He closed his eyes again as he felt Buggy’s hand bring his head closer until he felt the skin of his friend’s forehead touch his own.
Shanks felt his expression crumble further at the contact. His lip turned down and began to tremble violently. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, tight enough that it started to agitate his slowly growing headache. A loud sob escaped his lips then, startling Buggy if the slight jolt at his forehead was any indication.
He felt a hand roughly brush away the tears on the side of his face and Shanks couldn’t help but let out a small, wet laugh at the clumsy gesture. The hand returned to his head and slowly started to rake through his hair and that was the final straw.
Shanks finally allows himself to properly cry, releasing everything he felt and letting it rain down into the space between him and Buggy. Letting the words he’d spoken early repeat, over and over again to make sure they were heard, were believed.
Shanks clutches at his Buggy’s night shirt, trembling fists twisting and wrinkling the fabric, and Shanks knows any other time he’d get a smack to the head for this, but now all he gets is a disembodied hand overtop of his that’s squeezing back just as tightly.
Shanks wasn't sure how long they laid like that. It seemed as though the tears would never stop, but like all things, they eventually began to dwindle. It all left Shanks in a weird state, simultaneously feeling lighter and far, far heavier than he had when he’d initially laid down to sleep that night.
He was exhausted, and it was hard to breathe through his nose. His face was itchy from the tears, and Shanks felt something bloom within the hollow of his chest when one of Buggy’s hands floated over to wipe at his cheeks and upper lip with a soft rag. Said hand returned to his scalp moments later, finger continuing to card through his hair.
“Better?” Buggy asked softly once Shanks’ breathing calmed down fully.
“Mhm.” Shanks hummed, the rhythmic scratch of nails against his pulsing head doing wonders on his desire to sleep.
“Good. And Shanks?”
“Hmm?”
“Next time someone tests you like that, tell me, ok? I mean it, Shanks. Ok?”
Shanks musters up enough energy to lightly smile. “Ok.” He whispers back.
—
“Hey Shanks, you’re lookin’ a little tired there. What’s wrong? Up all night thinkin’ about your little girlfri-ACK!” Doringo flys back onto his ass, one of Buggy’s knives embedded into the underside of the wooden bowl he’d flung upwards to shield himself. This, of course, resulted in all of the food from within the bowl to splash onto his clothes and the floor.
“Kid, what the hell?!”
The room fell into silence as everyone gaped at the scene before them. Doringo turned the bowl to look at the knife before giving Buggy a shocked stare. Buggy bared his teeth in return.
“Keep talking bullshit and I won’t miss next time.” He says, and Doringo just looks even more incredulous.
A heavy sigh breaks the moment. “Buggy, dish duty.” Seagull said after a moment, mournfully eyeing the wasted food he’d just spent the morning cooking.
“Worth it.” Buggy sniffed haughtily, nose upturned in bratty defiance.
The mess room roars with laughter, and Shanks does nothing to hide his large, beaming smile.