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In a moment of shock, Nara Shikamaru stared up at the red moon, now pocked with what reminded him of curse marks, or Kakashi's Sharingan.
Ohhh, whatever it was, it could not be good. He felt the tree wrapping him up, gently, almost like being enfolded in petals.
Or the way a spider wrapped a fly.
A wash of color resolved into clouds. Shikamaru was staring up at the sky, arms folded behind his head, the penthouse rooftop warm beneath him.
“This is what you wanted to show me?” The voice beside him was tinged with humor. “Clouds?”
“Yes,” Shikamaru answered with a nervous laugh.
He couldn't remember how they'd ended up there, or what his plan had been. But somehow he'd finally been successful at getting Temari alone on something that wasn't shinobi business: a coup!
“You don't like clouds?” He bought himself time to recover. Surely he'd had a plan at some point.
“We have clouds in Suna,” Temari said, sounding unimpressed. But she was stretched flat beside him, gazing at the sky and smiling. She turned to her side, pillowing her cheek on her hand. The sun was on her face so she squinted. “I kinda thought you had something on your mind.”
Shikamaru sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees. “I like clouds… they can be anything. They have endless possibilities.”
But. It was time to return to the real world. He couldn't make a move because of the facts. He hopped down from the penthouse roof over the library and held out his hand to help her do the same.
She stayed where she was and snuggled — there was no other word for it — her shoulders into the warm roof. “Possibilities?”
His eyes half-shuttered and he looked down her curves. She looked… cuddly. He sat back down, folded his legs up and leaned his chin on his knee. He heaved a sigh. “Not realistic ones.”
She leaned on her elbow and tossed her head. “Tell me.”
And there was that bluntness of hers. He didn't know what he'd been thinking, bringing her up here. He took a shuddering breath. He was going to have to shoot this down. “Suna is a long way away from Konoha.”
“I know the geography.”
He turned to look her in the eyes, willing her to get it without forcing him to say it directly. “And you're the daughter of a Kazekage. And sister of the current Kazekage.”
“You're a fountain of knowledge today.”
Shikamaru huffed. He should've known she'd force him to say it. “And I'm an ordinary shinobi.” He looked away, at the sky.
“Oh.”
The fact that she got it already made him braver. He explained his forward-thinking in a rush, his hand opening and closing on the edge of the rooftop, “Because of the difference in our ranks, even though I'm Jonin, I'd be expected to go to Suna.” With a Kazekage, the Nara clan negotiating leverage would be nil. “But I have important work to do here.” He glanced over at her wistfully. “And you'd never leave Suna.”
“No,” she said in a small voice.
“So. It’s a drag, but it is what it is,” Shikamaru said with a disappointed shrug, proud of himself that he'd thought it all the way through before getting entangled. He started to drop down off the penthouse again.
“So. What? You brought me up here to tell me no? About something you never even asked me about in the first place?”
Shikamaru paused and blinked. Okay, when put like that, it did sound kind of stupid.
“You know what your problem is?”
Shikamaru cringed, expecting to be castigated now. He really hadn't thought this through after all. Or rather, he had, but completely in his own head, without seeing if she was on the same page.
“Your problem is you lack imagination,” Temari purred. “And so fail to consider alternatives.”
Shikamaru turned in surprise. “Alternatives?”
She popped a button on her blouse. “No strings attached?”
He had thought of that, actually. Who wouldn't? He laughed nervously. “But you're not that kind of girl.”
“I am…” and she leaned forward and he caught a tempting glimpse of cleavage. “...for you.”
And that line was so cheesy, Shikamaru said, “...ooooh.” He immediately relaxed. “I get it.” He folded his arms behind his head and smiled.
Temari gave him a quizzical look.
“I'm clearly dreaming,” he explained. Or they both were. He mentally skimmed down possible genjutsu, and he knew of nothing so total, but that didn't mean it couldn't exist.
“You think so?” She looked around at the sky, like she might spot the genjutsu, but of course they wouldn't be able to. She began to scowl. “So you're turning me down?”
If he were under a genjutsu, it was one far beyond him. It would take somebody with exceptional abilities outside the illusion to break something so real, so thorough, that all his senses told him it was ordinary. He even had a shadow, the lack of which usually gave away even the best genjutsu. There was nothing Shikamaru could do.
Well. There was something he could do. He could be a gentleman. Or he could sit here and refuse to cooperate with what was, after all, just a fabrication of his mind. Or…
Temari’s chin was lowered in that stormy way of hers, her lips pouting just a little bit. She clearly was taking offense.
…since it wasn't real…
“Don't worry,” Shikamaru said. He took her hand and followed her… of course they were now on the roof of her guest house, impossibly convenient because in reality the guest house was all the way on the other side of Konoha — but that's how dreams worked. “I intend to enjoy this.”
As her door shut behind them, Shikamaru glanced back, nervous and excited, and everything faded to black.
Shikamaru woke to the sound of twittering birds the next morning. Two ducks flew by, followed by a pair of butterflies. He hated how symbolic his mind was.
The fresh sheets felt silky smooth against his skin as he stretched and turned, sighing with satisfaction. His eyebrows raised. He was naked all the way down… and this room had the limited belongings of a guest house… her fan was leaned up against the wall… he was in her bed at the Leaf. He swallowed and turned.
There she was. Under the same sheet, which was artfully draped under a bare shoulder. Her eyelashes fluttered as she woke. And she looked up at him with a soft, then knowing smile.
Suddenly, Shikamaru sat up. "...I--what? A fade-out? Where's the rest of it?"
"The rest?"
"The good part."
She propped herself up on the pillow, making no effort to hide her breasts, and oh. Her hair was a frizzy yellow halo, like they'd been very busy that night, and she explained, "Remember what I told you about your lack of imagination? That combined with your total dearth of experience meant you had nothing to fill in the blanks, so —" she made a helpless gesture. " — fade to black."
Shikamaru sat up on the edge of the bed and groaned. "Dammit. That is so unfair...."
She looked down his chest and abs like he was candy, her gaze pausing just south of his belt line. "I would've liked to have tried you out, too, you know."
"Tried me out?"
"To see if it was worth taking you back to Suna."
Shikamaru chuckled, dipping his head shyly. Then he looked her over where she cuddled the pillow… generous hips, buxom for a shinobi. Oh, he was so lucky. "I certainly can see everything."
She looked down at herself. "And you're scarily accurate. I believe I've been checked out more thoroughly than I knew."
"I'm… observant." Shikamaru’s grin was sheepish.
"Uh-huh," she said, her smile wry.
They were interrupted by a loud pounding on the door.
"Temari? Who's in there?"
Temari’s blue eyes went round as their gazes met. Kankurou!
"This is your dream — why is he here?" Temari demanded of Shikamaru, scolding him.
"Sorry. I guess my mind demands plausibility," Shikamaru theorized as he hastily searched for his underwear. Shirt, panties — ooo, those were silk. She snatched them from his hand. Clothes were everywhere, why couldn't he find — ?
"Temari." The next voice was even, resonant and cold.
Gaara!
Shikamaru abandoned the underwear search. Temari stood, wrapped in the sheet like a statue of a goddess, breathtaking, but he had to go.
"Sorry — I'm no match for him!" Shikamaru leaped to the window casement just as Kankurou blasted down the door, wood chips flying. A puppet chattered into the room.
"You're an idiot!" Temari yelled after Shikamaru as he jumped off the windowsill and ran along the gutters. "It's your dream."
"I know that!" Shikamaru called back.
But on a deeper level, he didn't, which was how this genjutsu worked apparently.
Right now, his best chance was superior knowledge of the village. Shikamaru strategized as he ran. He couldn't go home — other than it being the obvious destination, his mom would have some serious questions if he showed up naked after being out all night.
He risked a quick glance back and caught a glimpse of Gaara leaping out of Temari's window.
Shit!
Shikamaru ducked under some eaves that made almost a tube between two buildings, and prayed Gaara hadn't seen him.
First he had to lose them. Then, where?
Who lived alone?
Naruto?
It would take too long to explain and he'd be too loud.
Kakashi Sensei?
Unpredictable.
Sasuke's!
It was empty, Sasuke's clothes would be too small but they had always been loose, and it wasn't like he was around to mind — not to mention that unlike Chouji's, no one would expect him to go there.
He looked back. No Gaara. Had he lost them already? More likely Gaara had gone for local help to track him, so maybe he had a chance. He turned — and ran smack into a floating eyeball, sand scattering.
A puppet appeared in the break between the roofs in front of him. Shikamaru spun… and Gaara floated on a sand dais behind.
And in midair there were no shadows that could reach him from the side of the building. A definite strategic error. Shikamaru’s mind had been bent on being naked and wanting to hide. Though Shikamaru didn't know if he could hold Gaara anyway.
He leaped up onto the roof into the full morning sun, Black Ant sailing behind him. The two doors of its belly opened. Good, Kankurou was going for capture, not projectiles. Shikamaru stopped, highly conscious of, well, just how embarrassing this position was without underwear — there was some definite dangling — but his shadow snaked around and seized the puppet before it could come any closer. Kankurou wasn't stupid enough to show himself.
Gaara, however, floated up, detached from any ground the shadows could cross.
But this time Shikamaru had been thinking, and had chosen his spot strategically. He let Gaara come closer — then Shikamaru’s shadow stretched to a chimney and its shadow hit exactly... Gaara looked startled as he froze in place...
...got 'em!
“Shadow Possession Jutsu complete!”
Shikamaru shuddered with the strain. Holding Gaara was like trying to contain an explosion: there were thousands of grains of sand trying to pull in all directions.
But hopefully the sand from that eyeball couldn't operate independently from Gaara's will. And that Kankurou would show his face soon.
"Nara Shikamaru, what is the meaning of this?!"
It was the last voice Shikamaru wanted to hear: The Fifth Hokage, Tsunade.
He spared a moment to be relieved that his boss was at least behind him. Although given the position and certain, um, length, it didn't mean he wasn't exposed.
He did a quick calculation that the Kazekage wouldn't be allowed to rampage through Konoha in the presence of the Hokage for any reason, and that he didn't want to appear in front of her without any clothes on, Shikamaru implemented the next phase of his strategy. His smoke bombs were in his vest at Temari’s, but he had…
…Gaara. Who with teeth-gritting pressure was pushing his sand outward.
So Shikamaru released him like snapping a rubber band — and a cloud of sand exploded in all directions.
Shikamaru did a running flip of the building.
Where Tsunade landed behind him broke the pavement and the resulting shockwave knocked Shikamaru backwards onto his ass. Oof! He really thought she'd just yell at him.
"What is going... oh!" Kakashi Sensei stopped cold when he saw Shikamaru struggling to stand.
"HEY!"
Naruto's loud voice came from off to the left.
"What's going on?" Naruto came running up. Then with jaw dropped, he pointed and yelled. "You're naked!"
Shikamaru curled up, at least hiding something, and buried his face in his hand. His day was complete.
Kakashi Sensei tilted his head thoughtfully at Shikamaru, but his eyes were wide. He scratched his chin, and then had the presence of mind to take off his jacket and hand it to Shikamaru, who gratefully wrapped it around his hips and stood.
Ino and Chouji of course chose that moment to show up, probably drawn by all the noise, though Shikamaru wished he'd landed in the alley and not the street. Chouji was agog. Ino had her hand over her mouth, stifling a giggle.
Tsunade thundered, "When I ask you a question, I expect it to be answered!"
Gaara, with Kankurou beside him on the sand dais, lowered gracefully to the ground. They stepped off.
"I think we can explain." Even angry, Gaara was a cool customer.
They were interrupted by a sharp whistle. Shikamaru turned.
It was Temari. Fully dressed, he noticed, which was so not fair. She had his boxers and was casually twirling them around on her forefinger. "You left your underwear at my place."
She swung her hips, swept easily past her younger brothers, who looked shell shocked, and tossed the boxers to Shikamaru. He caught them with one hand, holding Kakashi Sensei’s vest closed behind him with the other. She circled behind Shikamaru and said with a smirk, "Guess you'll have to go to our village after all."
Kakashi looked like he was struggling not to laugh. His shoulders shook and there was a smothered, breathless snort.
Tsunade had no such reserve. “That's what this is about?" Hands on her hips, she threw her head back and burst into full-throated laughter.
"What?" Naruto asked, head swiveling. Shikamaru contemplated how he could put on his boxers without exposing himself and came up empty.
Gaara folded his arms, not pleased this wasn't being taken seriously. "We found him like this in her room."
"He went out the window," Kankurou added, scowling.
"Who went where?" Naruto asked.
Tsunade was still laughing. But she finally wiped tears from her eyes and said, "This is a serious breach of protocol."
That's when Kakashi lost it, bent with quiet, bubbling laughter. She hit him in the shoulder. "Stop it or you'll get me going again."
But Kakashi kept snickering, face buried in his hand. “It's Shikamaru… Kiba, I would expect…” he said between sniggering gasps. He finally collected himself and asked, his eyes half moons of humor, "Tell me at least that you used protection."
And that wiped Shikamaru's mind clear.
Suddenly nothing else mattered.
Had they? He had no idea. Because he didn't know what had happened — or if anything had happened. It had faded out.
The look on his face must've spoken worlds to Kakashi and Tsunade, who shared a stunned, meaningful glance.
Kankurou's scowl deepened.
Gaara said simply, "He's coming back to Sunagakure with us." Like it was no longer in question. "If in eight weeks she's okay —” (he meant not pregnant, oh no, it knocked the breath out of Shikamaru) " — then he can return."
Temari's lips parted in surprise, like she was about to argue.
Gaara held up his hand. "Good. Everyone hates my decision. That's usually when I'm right."
"Go? Why?" Naruto asked.
Tsunade nodded, fully in Hokage mode now, and said, "I'll be out a valuable assistant but that's Shikamaru's fault, and you're well within your rights. You'll still need to talk to his family."
Gaara nodded, in Kazekage mode now, too. "Understood."
Shikamaru’s fate was being negotiated away by other people, and wait, explain it all to his parents?
Just as well he was going to the Sand, because his mom would kill him.
Naruto interrupted, "What’s going on? Shikamaru's leaving?"
Gaara turned to Shikamaru, "You don't get to do whatever you want. Particularly not with my sister." Next to him, Kankurou's fists tightened.
"...oh." Naruto’s mouth made a small circle. Finally he got it, looking between Shikamaru and Temari. He gave a cringing grin and chuckled, scratching the back of head. Chouji and Ino shared a glance.
Gaara turned to Temari, "And you don't get to trap him."
Temari glared at Shikamaru and pointed at him, ignoring Gaara, Kazekage or not. "This is your dream.” She swept a hand out. “Do you think this is what it would take for us to be together? A trap? Do you seriously believe I would ever do that?"
"Dream?" Tsunade asked, with a puzzled frown.
Shikamaru's chin lifted. True. Temari was right.
"Nothing happened," Shikamaru told them all.
Gaara looked impassive. Kankurou openly scoffed.
Kakashi Sensei blinked and was wide-eyed again. "You are..." His eyes looked down Shikamaru's very bare chest, bare legs, and not well-covered everything else.
"Temari will confirm this." Shikamaru met her eyes. "I know she'd never lie." He gave her his wry, sideways smile. “Because that's what I like about her.”
Temari nodded firmly. "Nothing happened."
"Okay then," Gaara said with a curt tip of his head. Kankurou unfolded his arms, relaxing.
"That's it?" Tsunade gestured roundly. "He's running naked through the streets —”
" — rooftops," Shikamaru clarified.
Tsunade yelled at him, "You're going to interrupt me now?!"
Shikamaru cringed, shoulders at his ears.
" — naked through the streets,” Tsunade emphasized with a firm look at Shikamaru, “she's got his underwear,” she pointed at Temari, “ — and both of you catch them in bed together — “
Thanks for the recap, Madam Hokage, Shikamaru thought. By this time quite a crowd of Saturday shoppers had gathered. Kiba was there, grinning, and Akamaru gave him a questioning yip. It wouldn't do for anyone to miss what had happened....
" — then he blithely claims 'nothing happened' — and you just believe him?" Tsunade dropped her arm, limp and dumbfounded.
"No, we don't believe him," Gaara said calmly. "We believe her. Temari doesn't lie."
Kankurou explained, "Temari's a lot of things. She threw my favorite puppet into a ravine — "
Gaara continued smoothly, " — shot an arrow at me to see how fast my sand would respond — "
" — compound bow, too — " Kankurou added.
" — the most powerful we had…” Gaara agreed. “I was five.”
"She called me a crybaby when Gaara broke my arm...." Kankurou continued.
Gaara turned to him, "I said I was sorry. That was an accident."
"Not the crybaby part." Kankurou turned to Tsunade, "Our older sister was mean and a bully, but we've never, ever heard her lie."
"Not even to spare herself," Gaara spread his hands helplessly. “Or anyone's feelings.”
"It's just not who she is,” Kankurou said.
Kakashi turned to Temari with a questioning glance.
Temari shrugged her shoulders. "Shikamaru has nice abs, a cute butt, and he's smart... but he has no idea what to do with a woman even when given a chance."
Kakashi snorted.
Which was not quite true. Shikamaru knew the mechanics. He just wasn't going to spoil the reality with imagination.
He was smart — very smart. He knew that if he spent too much time picturing it, when it happened for real the reality would never match up. He could create an unnecessary disappointment, while if he went into it unbiased, he could enjoy it, whatever happened. Because nothing was perfect. So he kept himself grounded in the real world: looking closely at real girls, not ones in magazines, masturbating based on real glimpses he'd caught, not making up scenarios in his head. And certainly not reading Jiraiya’s books. He supposed it was just as well this genjutsu hadn't messed that up, he tried to tell himself.
Naruto announced, "Oh! If your dad hasn't said, Jiraiya clued me in on the facts of life." He thumbed at his chest and grinned. "I'll tell you."
Tsunade and Kakashi and everyone laughed, relaxed now.
Tsunade ruffled Shikamaru's loose hair. “I've never seen you without a ponytail. It does stand straight out, doesn't it?” She shook her head at him fondly. "You're so brilliant, sometimes I forget how young you are."
Kakashi waved off the crowd. "Nothing to see here. Go home. Nothing happened between Sachi and Hatashi.”
It was a reference to the classic shinobi tale of Sachi and Hatashi, two young lovers falsely accused of sleeping together before their wedding night. Of course, the young shinobi boy had been killed in the tale before the truth had been discovered, but Kakashi's efforts to clear matters up were appreciated. And Shikamaru finally had a chance to put on his underwear.
Several days later, Shikamaru stood (fully dressed and in his Jonin uniform, thank goodness) at the village gate. Temari was leaving to return to Suna. There was a knowing spark, a warmth in her eyes and intimacy between them that hadn't been there before, and Shikamaru blushed and looked at the ground.
Gaara and Kankurou stood together, somewhat down the road, staring back at them. For all that Gaara and Kankurou trusted her, and gave them space to talk, they kept Shikamaru carefully in view and eyed him with deep suspicion.
Temari shook her head. She raised her voice loud enough for her brothers to hear: "They're so old-fashioned!” She returned to normal volume. “But it comes with the territory. The Hokage and I had a talk."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. She's been through the same male protectiveness from her family. It's a whole princess thing…” Temari fluttered her hands dismissively. “...protect the honor of the noble lineage, blah blah blah." She rolled her eyes at them.
Gaara and Kankurou stood closer together and looked away, pretending they hadn't heard.
Shikamaru eyed them. "I think it's a brother thing."
"That, too,” she said with an amused tip of her head.
"So," Shikamaru said, reluctant to let her leave.
"So,” Temari said. “That's your dream. In flagrante delicto. Not actually sleeping with me, but getting caught."
Shikamaru chuckled and looked down. He dug his toe at the ground and lowered his voice, though he could see Gaara straining to listen. Good. If Gaara had to visibly strain, he couldn't hear.
He dropped his voice further though, just in case. Which had the benefit of drawing her close where he could catch the clean scent of her hair. "I might be a little kinky,” he admitted, bold with her now, because he was as surprised as she was, and also: just a dream, however real it felt. “But as for the ‘other thing’..."
Even if Gaara couldn't hear, he was going to stick to a euphemism.
He looked into her eyes, which had that sparkle of humor... annnd a little frustration if he read her right. He murmured, a smile playing at his lips, "...I'll wait for reality.”
If she actually wanted him in the real world. Who knew?
She was seeming more and more real though. Perhaps his subconscious was filling in with more subtle remembered details. Or else he was getting more deluded, just because he wanted it to be real.
"I'll hold you to that," she said, bumping him with her shoulder. She turned to catch up to her brothers, and Shikamaru’s gaze followed the casual swing of those hips.
Oh, he was definitely delusional, Shikamaru decided, giving her a little helpless wave of his fingers as he rubbed the back of his head.