Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

      Dr. Kal’tsit was having a good day. A wonderful day, in fact. The number of routine operations scheduled was minimal, and her paperwork pile was just right in size. Not too much work to be strenuous, and not too little work to leave her unoccupied. Overall, aside from a recurring imminent sense of doom which Kal’tsit could not diagnose the source of, she would be able to sleep at her preferred timing of two in the morning. All was as it should be.

      That was, of course, up until the Doctor burst in through the door. Suddenly, the premonitions of eternal suffering made a lot more sense. It was as if a pistol pointed at the back of her head was just now rearing back its trigger, and the primal sense of knowing that one’s time was now washed over the beleaguered lynx with utmost serenity. For a few sweet, precious moments, Kal’tsit felt at peace. Then, the full extent of the dread that accompanies that feeling hit her like a Self-Driving Car barrelling through a horde of drunken Durins. Whatever the Doctor wanted from her, it would most certainly result in their pay being docked and at least two complaints from various operators.

      She may as well get this over with. Although, she could not stop herself from shooting a few longing glances at her paperwork pile, which she had a feeling would soon grow off the shenanigans the Doctor’s latest request would cause.

      "Kal'tsit." The Doctor greeted, as they faced the ever-exhausted Medical Director, unaware of her inner despair. "I was just looking for Closure. Do you know where she is? She's not at her shop at the moment." Indeed, the Doctor needed the Chief Engineer for something very particular. Their terminal was painfully slow, even by the communication standards of Terra's modern age, plagued by Originium interference as it was. Remembering a particular handy (and life-ruining) device, they rubbed their hands together in anticipation of Kal'tsit's answer.

      “…” A whirlwind of thoughts was spinning through the ageless lynx’s grey matter. Amongst them were “What are they up to now?” and “If I get them out as fast as possible, that’ll be more time for me to deal with the fallout later…”. Eventually, she settled on an answer that she was sure was of an appropriate length. “Doctor, as you are surely aware, the Chief Engineer has a myriad of responsibilities, including the maintenance of the landship, improvements to the Rhodes Island complex, upkeeping of the various department stores and businesses inside the landship, and establishing appropriate connections with external businesses and internal departments. To that end, I commend you for searching the most probable locations she could be in. However, in this case, Ada is not presently stationed inside the landship. Rather, she is located at the head offices of one of our partners in Lungmen. I believe it is for a meeting regarding spare parts to mend the medical equipment that has malfunctioned due to incorrect servos.”

      Erstwhile, the Doctor had already begun to tap their hands against their coat in irritation. They could have probably finished Combat Operation 1-7 several times over by the time Kal’tsit was done. If they had gleaned anything from that monologue, a “She’s not here” would have sufficed. “So… when will she be back?” The Doctor was almost afraid to ask, and as Kal’tsit inhaled again they felt enough confidence to say that they could say goodbye to the next few hours.

      “Finally.” The Doctor let out a sigh of relief as they saw Closure’s shuttle touching down at the hangar. They had barely escaped Dr. Kal’tsit’s office with their sanity intact, and goodness knows they would need it in order to send their operators out to the rock mines and have them all return in one piece. “CLOSURE!” They barrelled towards her, having had their patience exhausted from the good Dr. Kal’tsit’s tendency to ramble.

      “Oh hey Doc— Argh!” The Vampire Sarkaz in question was initially happy to see her most favourite customer. After all, who else would let her scam arrange such frequent purchases with such a valuable resource like Originium Primes? Nonetheless, the Doctor’s mass colliding into her with misjudged velocity certainly knocked them down a few pegs on her favourite customer list.

      “I need you to see if you can manufacture a certain device for me!” Not deterred in the slightest by this entrance, or their current position pinning Closure to the wall of the corridor adjacent to the hangar, the Doctor produced a USB from their pockets. “Thank goodness PRTS had some old designs saved from before the whole galaxy went kablooey…” Internally, they thanked… whatever religious figure out there (Assuredly not the Collapsals-) for this minor stroke of good fortune, as while they could have just used the Factories to automatically produce their desired phone model, they would prefer to not have the Engineering Department collectively realise that they had four hyper-advanced matter fabricators at their disposal. “Frankly, the fact that they didn’t question the Pure Gold synthesis was a miracle enough,” the Doctor decided. “Oh, wait, Ada’s speaking again.”

      “Whoa, whoa, whoa Doc! I mean… Just get off me, will you?! We’ll talk about this in my shop.” Unsurprisingly, she seemed more than a little miffed about the whole affair, but the Doctor had just the right thing to tide her over to their side.

                Closure was fully on-board with the plan in record time. It may have had something to do with the inner engineer in her raring to tackle the logistics and production challenges of supplying the entire landship with these ‘phones’, as the Doctor had called them. It may have also been the four crates of five-hundred and twelve Originium Prime in total the Doctor had offered to use as a payment. Either way, the Chief Engineer of Rhodes Island already had a plan to borrow a few Factories and the services of Penguin Logistics to deliver all the produced phones (allowing them to keep a few free of charge too, of course). It was all going to be splendid.

                In fact, the Doctor was more than pleased when, three weeks later, a familiar box of slim dimensions was shipped to their live-in office, ready for their use. All they had to do was start the servers, and they were certain that everyone would appreciate the new means of communication within the landship. (Read: They would appreciate everyone’s shenanigans – Not that anyone but the Doctor would know, for now.)

Chapter Text

[Rhodes Island Announcements]

[Doctor has added Amiya, Kal’tsit, Closure and 668 other participants…]

[Doctor, Amiya, Kal’tsit, Closure and 7 others have been made admins.]

[Chat has been locked to admins only.]

Doctor:

Welcome, everyone. The various department heads can use this to post important announcements for work purposes. Please do *not* mute this chat. Other department specific chats have been created for general use. Thank you!

Amiya:

Thank you, Doctor. This is the updated work schedule for most of Rhodes Island. If you have any questions or are unsure if this schedule applies to you, please check with your department head!

<timetables_ri_10990312>

[Actually Cool People]

[Doctor has added Blaze, Thorns, Elysium and 57 other participants...]

Doctor:

Okay, now that the official chats have been set up… Amiya and Kal’tsit will not suspect this chat exists!

So, if you’re here, just a few rules:

1. Please don’t snitch on this chat’s existence.
2. Don’t openly start fights (especially ones you can’t win.)
3. Don’t put down the more shy members of this group.
4. If you’re here, it’s not by mistake. I trust you all.

But yeah, if some of the other people you know didn’t get into the chat, it’s not that I hate them. Operators like Bagpipe are cool too, but I don’t trust Fiona to not accidentally leak this to someone like Ch’en who would then tell Amiya who would then eviscerate me with paperwork.

Feel free to mute the chat if you really want to, tho.

[Thorns has muted the chat.]

[Sharp has muted the chat.]

[Honeyberry has muted the chat.]

[Logos has muted the chat.]

[Mudrock has muted the chat.]

[Cantabile has muted the chat.]

[Ethan has muted the chat.]

[Manticore has muted the chat.]

[Perfumer has muted the chat.]

ChiaveGang4DaWin:

Damn, Doc, that’s a lot of people…

[Quercus has muted the chat.]

[GreyThroat has muted the chat.]

Blaze:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo

Savage:

I’m sure they’re just busy…

[Swire has muted the chat.]

[Jaye has muted the chat.]

[GreyThroat has unmuted the chat.]

[Texas has muted the chat.]

Blaze:

Wait-

[Młynar has muted the chat.]

[Platinum has muted the chat.]

[Kjera has muted the chat.]

[Ray has muted the chat.]

[Ebenholz has muted the chat.]

[Hellagur has muted the chat.]

[Reed has muted the chat.]

[Haze has muted the chat.]

[Qiubai has muted the chat.]

[Heavyrain has muted the chat.]

[Private Messages: Heavyrain >>> Doctor]

Heavyrain:

sorry i muted the chat…

i’m not really comfortable with that many people…

Doctor:

No worries, it’s fine. Just take your time to adjust, if you need to. They’re all nice people, I promise.

[Actually Cool People]

[Totter has muted the chat.]

[Kirara has muted the chat.]

[Mountain has muted the chat.]

[Astesia Urbica has muted the chat.]

[Astgenne has muted the chat.]

[Liskarm has muted the chat.]

Franka:

Boo~ She’s no fun at all

Liskarm:

Franka, I will taze you if you don’t get back to work.

Franka:

Fine, fine~ I’ll be just a moment…

[Andreana has muted the chat.]

[Broca has muted the chat.]

Doctor:

True enough, @Chiave . Then again, they are pretty busy people…

Hang on, imma see if Closure’s text commands work.

mutenum()

[There are 31 participants who have muted this chat out of 61 participants.]

Doctor:

…meh, still enough people for what I want.

Lee:

Dare I ask what you need so many people for?

If it’s something you need investigated, I can handle it, Doctor.

Doctor:

No, it’s something of far greater importance.

Does anyone know what Kal’tsit’s age is?

Blaze:

…that’s a *dangerous* question, Doc.

Passenger:

You must admit it’s an intriguing one, though.

Ling:

Aye, for what be life without a bit of risk?

Merriment is only so relished when strife precedes it.

Catapult:

Wat.

Blaze:

Agreed, @Catapult . Also, not saying I’m guessing a lady’s age, but I bet like 700.

Doctor:

Personally, I think that it’s closer to 12000-ish. But I have an idea.

@Astesia Urbica , could you do me a favour?

Astesia Urbica:

Sure, Doctor. Give me a second to backread…

Ah, I see. A while more, I need time to divine this.

Blaze:

This feels like cheating. 

Passenger:

If the means can seize the end efficiently, I have no quarrel with it. 

Doctor:

I mean, while she does that, anyone else want to shoot off their guesses?

Exusiai:

I’ll say around 80, Leader~

Elysium:

For me, I’m thinking 800. Dr. Kal’tsit doesn’t look *that* old.

Aurora:

ah, if everyone is doing it, ill say 500

GreyThroat:

701.

Blaze:

You–

Pramanix:

Put me down for 1200

Kjera:

That’s surprisingly coherent coming from you, Enya.

Pramanix:

Too lazy to type properly. Autocorrect is the only raisin you can even read my texts

Ray:

Mood.

Astesia Urbica:

Err… The stars appear to be flipping me off.

Doctor:

KKakjklfnanfalfnals

Send a picture pls I need to see this

Astesia Urbica:

<NotHowStarsWork.jpg>

So, after a moment of reasoning, I hereby conclude that I cannot help you. Apologies, Doctor.

Lumen:

…forgive me for asking, but would it not be simpler to ask her directly?

Doctor:

Not unless you want to get Mon3tr’ed.

And Irene would proceed to murder me for letting you get murdered.

Lumen:

Ah. Wait, Donna Irene?

Catapult:

istg youre so dense i cant

Lumen:

What's istg?

Doctor:

Rule 3, Catapult.

Catapult:

Yes chef, sorry chef

Doctor:

What…

Muelsyse:

Well, hewwo everyone!

As for Doktah’s question… Well, some teensie little water droplets told me it was around 10000!

Franka:

Personally, I’m going to say 500.

Liskarm:

@Franka you have ten seconds

Franka:

Oops~

Chongyue:

Well… Doctor, I must hazard a guess of 5000.

Goldenglow:

Ah, everyone… are you sure we won’t get into trouble for this…?

Doctor:

It’s fine, Susie. As long as no one snitches, we’ll be good.

Savage:

Well… if you’re sure, I’d say she’s around 200.

Flametail:

Double that. I think it’s 400.

Aak:

Well, I guess we’ll never know for certain~

Mizuki:

I don’t know what you’re all so nervous about, I asked Miss Kal’tsit just now and she said she was around 11746.

Blaze:

kasjfhinafnkjlvnaklncsajkDLfnska

Doctor:

Hbafhwe[kfpekmcamdalds

Mizuki NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mizuki:

Doctor? What’s wrong?

…Doctor?

Logos:

What did you all do and why is the Doctor hiding behind me when I’m trying to teach Lava Arts?

…oh.

[Several participants have gone offline.]

Chapter Text

[Private Messages: Reed >>> Doctor]

Reed:

Doctor, if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask you a question?

Doctor:

Sure, ask away.

Reed:

Why did you add me into the group chat?

Ah, my apologies. I don’t intend to come off as ungrateful that you trust me, but surely it isn’t wise to invite a member of Dublinn into a private group?

It may send the wrong message to your Victorian operators.

Doctor:

Susie could care less, first up. As for Bagpipe and Horn, they’re loyal to their country, sure… but after County Hillock, and everything that’s happened in Londinium, I don’t think that they’re blind to Victoria’s faults either.

Dublinn was made in response to Taran suppression.

And I don’t think the average person in that group thirsts for Victorian blood on a day to day basis.

Rather, everyone wants to live.

Conflict only stems when there’s competition between people for power, and resources, and the like.

Although many people would rather drag their fellows down into Hell than up into Heaven… I’m optimistic enough to hope that one day, a peaceful sun can set on this world.

…sorry for dumping all that on you.

Reed:

…no, it’s fine.

I don’t regret staying with Rhodes Island to learn from you, Doctor…

If I may be so selfish, could I request that you review a poem of mine?

You don’t have to, of course. I understand if you’re busy.

Doctor:

It’s really no trouble, Reed.

Reed:

It’s fine if you call me Loughshinny too, Doctor.

After all, under you, I learnt that I ought to stand up tall to light the way for my people, rather than shying away from the fire.

< Na_Cúpla_Dracó.docx>

While this phone is quite useful, I prefer paper…

Nonetheless, the ease of connection is a positive too.

It means I can turn to you if I truly need it…

Doctor:

Well, I’m not *that* wise or profound, but I’m glad I could help :D

[Private Messages: Skad1 >>> Doctor]

Skad1:

D0ct0r

D1d Capta1n g1ve me the r1ght n_mber?

Doctor:

Skadi? I mean, it’s me, yeah, but why are you typing with numbers instead of letters…?

Skad1:

1 tr1ed t>p1ng 1n m> name

B_t the ph0ne screen br0:e when 1 entered “1” at the end.

Æg1r techn0l0g> 1s m_ch m0re d_rable than the 0nes 0n land…

0_r ph0nes c0_ld w1thstand the strength 0f 0_r man_fact_r1ng eq_1pment.

Doctor:

Have you tried asking Closure for a replacement?

Skad1:

0h. 1 can d0 that?

Doctor:

Yep! I’ll ask on your behalf, actually.

That way we can chat without issue :D

Skad1:

Than: _.

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Yelena]

Doctor:

I see that Closure finally cleared you to have a phone.

Yelena:

…You are certainly an odd one, Doctor.

But I suppose chatting to you is preferable to sitting in a hospital bed in perpetuity.

Doctor:

Frfr being sick is the worst.

Yelena:

I am still surprised you chose to save me.

So now that you’ve taken the liberty of contacting me, rescuing me… I do believe you need to take the responsibility of entertaining me.

Doctor:

Well for starters

[Doctor shared a contact: Buldrokkas'tee]

[Doctor shared a contact: Sasha]

Doctor:

You can chat to these two. Apparently if you can torture Salus enough she can help you stop Sarkaz prophecies…

And that includes a very stubborn old man dying to his own obstinacy.

Because here at Rhodes Island Pharmaceuticals we do not let active patients have peace if we can deal with their terminal illnesses /s

But yeah he’s kinda grouchy now that only Kal’tsit or Amiya are allowed to see him

Yelena:

…how did you manage that?

Doctor:

Kal’tsit drained me of blood like she was preparing to bloat Warfarin

Don’t ask

Seriously

Yelena:

What about Sasha?

Doctor:

Oh

He’s still upset that Mephisto is currently in a coma from improper use of alien technology.

Yelena:

I feel like you need to explain that to me…

Doctor:

Anyway

I’d appreciate it if you could talk to him from time to time…

Yelena:

…sure, Doctor. Don’t think you’ve weaseled your way out of this conversation, though.

[Read 5:23PM]

[Private Messages: Cuora >>> Doctor]

Cuora:

Doctor! It’s pretty sunny out today! Do you wanna play a baseball game? I’ve already gotten a few of the other kids to join me!

Doctor:

Ah, sorry. I’m a bit busy at the moment. I’ll drop by to cheer you on soon, though!

Cuora:

Thanks, Doctor! Um… Could you tell Instructor Dobermann that I’m sorry for hitting her on the head with a baseball?

Doctor:

Hahaha–

Sure thing, I’ll tell her for you.

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Dobermann]

Doctor:

Cuora says sorry for hitting you in the head with a baseball.

Dobermann:

???

[Read 5:56PM]

[Private Messages: Bubble >>> Doctor]

Bubble: 

Doctor! Train outside with me! I want to be able to beat Kay!

Doctor:

Maybe some other time, Bubble…

Bubble:

Fine…

Doctor:

Good girl. You can go to the cafeteria at seven later, they've got your favourite dish on the dinner menu.

[The Smols]

Amiya:

Doctor, would you like to go out for dinner today? Closure managed to get a Columbian food outlet to open up a shop in the city area of the landship a few days ago.

Rosmontis:

Yeah… I heard from Ifrit that they had nice fish and chips…

Doctor:

Maybe some other time…

Ah, but, if you want to go out, then…

[Doctor has transferred 20,000 LMD to Amiya]

[Doctor has transferred 20,000 LMD to Rosmontis]

Amiya:

Oh my, Doctor… You really don’t have to!

[Amiya has transferred 20,000 LMD to Doctor]

Doctor:

No, no, I insist.

You deserve to treat yourself >:[

[Doctor has transferred 20,000 LMD to Amiya]

Amiya:

Doctor… I can take care of myself, you know?

Rosmontis:

What are we talking about?

Doctor:

No u!

[Doctor has transferred 40,000 LMD to Amiya]

[Amiya has transferred 20,000 LMD to Doctor]

Amiya:

Stop it, Doctor… You really don’t need to.

Doctor:

Fine…

Amiya:

I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless! :D 

Rosmontis:

Thank you, Doctor…

Amiya:

…wait– 

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Hibiscus 🌺 ]

Doctor:

Hey… so you told me I could vent to you if I needed to… So I think I’ll take you up on that for now.

I really, really hate how fragile I am.

I know that Sideroca’s been getting me to be a bit healthier, but I don’t miss out how much sterilisation the training room has to go under for me specifically

And it’s really grating to me that I can’t even go outside and *breathe* for too long before I risk infection

My room feels like a perfectly clean cage sometimes

Muelsyse was really nice letting me into her vivarium from time to time

She can somewhat get it as well

But overall I want to be able to join everyone else and do what they do without this stupid mask and hood

…

I might sound even crazier for saying this

But sometimes I can hear the Originium speaking

Singing in this stupid pitch, so many voices, begging me to rest for a while.

It’s exceptionally irritating since they were the cowards that chose to meld together into some sort of cancer rock for eternal life to stave off corruption

And somehow they pretend like they can understand what I’m going through

When I’m standing beside people that actually care for me.

But yeah… this was a stupid idea.

…nevermind.

[Messages deleted by Doctor at 3:04AM]

Doctor:

I just wanted to thank you for the healthy food. 

      The Doctor ultimately leaned back in their seat and sighed. A small smile broke onto their face after two minutes of silence, though.

      They were in the end, wiser and happier than if they agreed to the Priestess’s plan. They would always love her, yes, but being by the side of everyone else here in Rhodes Island… Even if they weren’t naturally long-lived, they would not regret having so many by their side.

      "I can read the chat logs, you goof…” Erstwhile, Closure, ever the night owl, scrolled over the contents of the deleted messages from one chat log in particular. “This is serious stuff. Kal’tsit would tie me up from the bridge if I leaked this. Ah well, I never saw a thing~”

      Nonetheless, she opened up the plans for a state-of-the-art ventilation and filtration system on a separate tab. There’s no reason why the Doctor should bear their suffering in silence. After all, friends should aim to make each other’s lives better – that’s what Closure thought, at least. Judging from the various chat logs reflecting various introverts slowly opening up to each other, giving out these upgraded phones was the right call. At least, more people could enjoy the reliable, high-speed connections than just Kirara and the Elite Operators, now that the manufacturing process was much more refined, and more importantly, cheap.

      She was still going to price-gouge SilverAsh, though. There was no reason not to when the Doctor would take her side over his anyway.

Chapter Text

[New Volsinii Planning]

Penance:

Leontuzzo, here is the revised penal code with updated penalties for arrested soldatos.

<New_Volsinii_Penal_Code_10990316.pdf>

Vigil:

Alright. I’ll get to it soon enough, the Doctor has me in the Reception Room at the moment.

There’s a lot of Columbian representatives asking for permission to visit the landship’s facilities.

I do not need a background of reading people to see past their plainly obvious greed. Imagine their surprise when I sent them to the Offices and Dormitories only…

Penance:

…I see.

Giovanna:

Don’t worry so much about it, Lavinia. I’m sure any company Penguin Logistics is willing to work with has plenty of means to deal with unwanted guests…

Oops.

Cellinia has been telling me that I need to work on being less ominous in the way I write.

Penance:

Glad to see you’re up and at it again, Giovanna…

Vigil:

On another note, all three famiglias of Volsinii are staying out of New Volsinii. Even the Saluzzos, though the life sentences that were handed to the more notorious capos may have encouraged them to reflect on their positions…

Father Agenir has also sent me his feedback on the legal code and government structure.

<forlaviniafalcone.docx>

Penance:

That’s good, at least.

[Private Messages: Sicilia >>> Agenir]

Sicilia:

I must admit, this device that the Texas child gifted me is surprisingly adaptable.

Though, I suppose it suits the ever-changing youth that are shaping the Cittanova today.

Regardless, how goes keeping the more… reckless famiglia heads in line? It would be regrettable if you’ve really gone and done yourself in, sleepy old wings.

Agenir:

It’s been fairly simple.

The famiglias are seated together for once. All stewing together in silence resentment…

And I wouldn’t say that the young ones of this era are so wishy-washy… They believe in a law that can protect everyone firmly. That judge does, at least.

…

On the plus side, this phone has let me order the sleeping masks I like directly from the source.

Sicilia:

Should’ve known that your purchases would’ve facilitated your “retirement” from guns and order.

You’ve got a terrible taste in things, as always.

…

Don’t try and pretend you’re asleep, Agenir. I know you’re still awake.

Agenir:

Even so far apart, I still cannot shake you. 

It seems we are still incredibly similar. 

We both remain here, waiting on our successors.

[Private Messages: Silence >>> Ifrit]

Silence:

Dr. Kal’tsit needs you to bring the Doctor for something.

I wasn’t told what, before you ask.

Ifrit:

Alright, I’ll get them!

Silence:

You’re not going to be reckless with them, right?

…right?

[Read 2:30PM]

[Private Messages: Ifrit >>> Rosmontis]

Ifrit:

You’re in position, right?

Rosmontis:

Yeah…

I know I’ve gotten really great control with my Arts, but won’t this hurt Doktah?

Ifrit:

Eh, they’ll be fine.

Do it when I’m standing behind them, alright?

[Rosmontis reacted with a 👍.]

      “So…” The Doctor decided to ask the pyromancer dragging them along, “what exactly are we going to do?” They weren’t adverse to playing games with Ifrit and the other children, though they did put a stop to the ring of fire tricks Ifrit was trying to pull. In their previous position, they hardly watched Cirque Du Soleil, but they had the niggling feeling that that particular trick she attempted would definitely be right at home there. 

      “That is for Mistress Ifrit to know and you to find out!” The Doctor sighed, an amused smile underneath their mask as they followed the exuberant teenager into a dark room. They immediately scanned the abandoned dormitory – apparently, Rhodes Island was hardly as well-explored as they would prefer, only for Ifrit to step behind them and turn on the light. “Now, Rosemary!”

      While the Doctor was still blinded by the sudden incursion of bright light (where did Ifrit even find a spare floodlight?!) and blinking rapidly (because of their now seared retinas ow OW OW OW ), a treacherous little “Nya…” escaped Rosmontis, who delicately lifted the Doctor up into the air and started wrapping them up in a rolled-up carpet.

      “Rosmontis!” “Whoo! Mission success!” Two different shouts escaped the other two occupants of the room, albeit for different reasons. “What is the meaning of this?!” The Doctor’s panicked questions would go unanswered, however, as Ifrit slung the carpet bundle over her shoulder with surprising ease and hefted the flailing occupant inside out towards where Silence was probably waiting.

      “...Rosemary, where the hell are we?” Ifrit asked, still holding the now-limp Doctor over her shoulders. As it turns out, the problem with using a mostly-unexplored wing of Rhodes Island to stage an ambush is that one is liable to get lost inside the winding corridors that seem to loop in on themselves. The nearby signs were of no help either, reading “B8” and “B12” with the next one they found even reading “Ground”.

      “No clue. I was just following you…” Rosmontis’s tail was curling around her left leg, her anxiety obvious. “Um… Miss Kal’tsit didn’t tell me about this place, either…” Ifrit only groaned at that.

      “Actually, I have an idea!” Ifrit suddenly perked up, her eyes gleaming with a wildfire dancing within.

[Private Messages: Ifrit >>> Ptilopsis]

Ifrit:

Aunt Joyce

Please help, we’re lost

Ptilopsis:

Affirmative… This is a worrying development.

Please share your location.

[Ifrit is sharing her location.]

Ifrit:

I’ve already got the Doctor with me

They’re in a carpet

Don’t tell Silence

Ptilopsis:

Your request for confidentiality has been approved.

Please stay there.

      Ptilopsis was certain she had memorised the relevant floor plan. Ifrit wasn’t even that far off from the main complex. It was just supposed to be a right turn, a left turn, straight ahead for three corridors, then left again. But now she was looking at her device, Ifrit was still two corridors away, at minimum. It was as mysterious as it was infuriating.

      Still, months of dealing with Device #9 and Oripathy had tempered Ptilopsis’s patience. That, and she just had to see the Doctor wrapped up in such a comical fashion. For research purposes, of course. Totally legitimate ones. Still, she’d have to find them first.

      It took ten straight minutes of wandering (during which Ifrit had remained remarkably patient) before Ptilopsis finally came across Ifrit, playing word searches and Rosmontis, using her Arts to hold up a red rug… and a black dome enclosed within.

      “Detecting emotional surge within Ptilopsis.” The robotic Liberi held up her phone and snapped a photo of the sorry entourage with a ‘click’ . After which, she gently took Ifrit’s hand. “Now initiating retrieval protocol.” 

[Private Messages: Astgenne >>> Kal’tsit]

Astgenne:

Good evening, Dr. Kal’tsit. Is there any reason why I was chosen to accompany Dr. Silence, Folinic, the Doctor and yourself to Rhine Labs in particular?

Kal’tsit:

This was for two primary reasons.

The first being your familiarity with Rhine Labs and the means by which they operate. You were an associate of the Originium Arts Director Dorothy Franks, and we will be using their division’s facilities temporarily, for about three days.

The second being that we are testing a new generation of Oripathy suppressants. Your relatively low concentration of Blood Originium-Crystal Density and Cell-Originium assimilation make you an ideal candidate for testing your reaction to the suppressants.

Of course, if you are still reluctant, you are well within your rights to refuse.

Astgenne:     

It’s fine!

Um, but if I may ask, why are there so many saline bags in the cargo?

Kal’tsit:

I’ll brief you on it at the site itself.

[Astgenne reacted with a 👍.]

[BS Worldwide]

Cliff:

Please remember to submit your reports on time to the nearest district office. The administrative teams there can relay your paperwork to the appropriate locations and offices, but that’s only if they receive your documentation.

Also, while you all have received company-issued phones, please remember to put them on silent while you are on deployment in combat. I shouldn’t have to say this, but here we are.

[Blacksteel @ RI]

Franka:

So… anyone know *why* the official group chat is named that way?

Liskarm:

Apparently it’s because, and I quote, “Mr Cliff has a strange sense of humour.”

Franka:

Now who was so bold to say that~?

Liskarm:

Jessica, apparently.

Franka:

Oh, right. She’s still in Columbia?

Liskarm:

Yep. She’s found her courage.

And apparently the ability to liberate Clip Cliff’s knees from his body, judging from their last confrontation.

Surprisingly, he didn’t seem all that unhappy about it.

Franka:

SHE DID WHAT?!!?!

Liskarm:

Wow, the unflappable tease is using Caps Lock?

But yeah, I think they got WcDonalds’ afterwards.

Vanilla:

Yes, actually… I was there with Miss Blaze, Mr Mechanist, and Miss Maria along with a few other Rhodes Islanders…

I think Miss Blaze took a video for some reason.

<stupidestideathisyear.mp4>

Franka:

…what the hell.

That poor cashier… It was the chef’s fault that Jessica’s burger had pickles and our CEO walked up to her like he was going to turn her into a target dummy.

Liskarm:

It’s not like Rhodes Island hasn’t done worse. Have you seen all the people wither as soon as that Nearl guy so much as breathes at them?

Vanilla:

You two should probably gossip in private messages…

[Private Messages: Jessica >>> Vanilla]

Jessica: 

I trusted you!

Vanilla: 

???

Chapter Text

[R^2]

Kal’tsit:

I would again like to thank Rhine Lab LLC and its representatives for offering their utmost assistance in furthering the newest batch of Oripathy suppressants, especially with their generous allowance of Rhodes Island’s representatives to utilise their facilities. The synthesis of the organic compound that would be the key factor in the suppressant’s efficacy would not have been possible without their support. 

Doctor:

That’s an awfully long way to say that you kidnapped me and drained me dry…

Kal’tsit:

Please be professional, Doctor.

…though, the method by which you were secured is regrettable, I will admit. However, you were properly informed about the reason for our trip and subsequently agreed to participate.

Doctor:

Okay, but why didn’t you JUST TEXT ME YOU OLD WELL

Kal’tsit:

…the thought escaped my mind.

Muelsyse:

Aww… Poor Doctor.

At least Dr. Kal’tsit didn’t abandon you to go stargazing–

[LaikaBoss has joined the chat.]

LaikaBoss:

What was that?

Saria:

Kristen?!

Muelsyse:

How are you even here?!

LaikaBoss:

Apparently the tech Friston suggested for use in the ship can connect to these phones.

I’m typing from the observation window. It’s… beautiful. A sea of stars, unobscured and unrestrained.

<10990101.jpg>

<10990108.jpg>

<10990118.jpg>

<10990218.jpg>

<10990318.jpg>

And judging from the lack of calamity in this group chat, I assume that you’ve kept things in order down below, Saria?

Then, I’m happy that I was correct in supposing we would all play our parts best.

[Saria and Muelsyse have gone offline.]

LaikaBoss:

…I suppose that’s fair.

However, you’ll want to see this @Saria .

<ReadingsWright10990101.docx>

[Saria has come online.]

Saria:

…

I’ll consider it.

[Muelsyse has come online.]

[Private Messages: Muelsyse >>> Saria]

Muelsyse:

Why are you even entertaining this? She left us, and you could’ve died from her recklessness!

Saria:

I’m aware. But… isn’t this what she’s wanted for a long time now?

That day, the first party we shared in Rhine Lab’s opening…

We all had different ideas, but Kristen was the one to see it all through to the end. Even if that meant she would die in the resolution of her goal.

…is that why you’re upset?

Muelsyse:

I didn’t expect you of all people to be sentimental all of a sudden.

But don’t fall for her charisma. She’s hurt us both enough.

[R^2]

Doctor:

Please log off. You’re making my colleagues uncomfortable.

LaikaBoss:

If you so wish. Before I leave, though.

@Muelsyse .

<VivariumWright10990101.xlx>

[LaikaBoss has gone offline.]

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Muelsyse]

Doctor:

MuMu? Are you alright?

…MuMu?

Muelsyse:

Hewwo!

I’ll be fine, Doktah.

Doctor:

I’m coming over, give me a second.

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Saria]

Doctor:

Will you be okay?

Saria:

…at the moment, no. But…

I’d like to think that we will be, someday. Go see her. You’re admittedly better at this than I am.

[Doctor reacted with a 👍.]

      Gingerly pushing open the second sealed door of the vivarium, the Doctor noted how all the lights were closed, save for the luminescent glow lights and overhead lamps over the plants, creating occasional lights on their way to a particular little tank in the corner of the room, not connected to anything in particular, unlike the other hydroponic set-ups. They had already taken off their usual obscuring hood and mask, and the cold air made goosebumps form on their exposed skin.

      The Doctor gave a few brief knocks to the tank, silently rapping their knuckles against the glass. “MuMu?” They whispered into the water. A few seconds later, the surface of the liquid began to churn, and a familiar head rose up, followed by her full body as she stepped out. The Doctor extended a hand to help her up.

      “Doctor…” A weak chuckle from the Elf. “Hehe. Guess you still haven’t forgotten your promise, huh.” The Doctor said nothing, merely waiting for Muelsyse to sit beside them. The Rhine Labs Ecological Director did so with an unnatural silence, before eventually speaking, leaning against them. “I thought… that I was done with Control. That since she elected to leave, I would just have to deal with it. The absence of another dear friend. And turns out she’s back, in a way, but she doesn’t even acknowledge me aside from what I can do for Rhine Labs.”

      An unexpectedly bitter laugh escapes Muelsyse’s lips. “Did you know? All the plants in that structure, the one sailing through the vast void so polluted with Originium that I cannot hope to follow… have all perished.” The Doctor chose to remain silent, getting the feeling that Muelsyse was not quite finished.

      “I tried being forceful with Anthony and that whole HydeBro fiasco, and look how that turned out for me! I tried being empathetic, concerned about Site 359, and it got me stuffed inside a Power Armour! Saria would have killed me if not for you… I tried with Kristen, and…” A feral screech escapes her lips. “So what do I have to do to get the people I care about to stay by my side?!” Muelsyse’s hand gripped the Doctor’s tightly, as she tensed up against their hood.

      “...I think…” The Doctor began speaking after a few seconds of silence. “That you’re stuck in the middle of recovery, where you’re learning to move on from their shadows.” Despite the weight of the situation, they chuckled. “Kristen being ‘back’ doesn’t really change too much. She’s already shown that she has no interest in getting closer again in the way you want.” 

      After taking in a breath of clean air, the Doctor continued. “It won’t be easy. It’ll feel like you’re sliding back to needing them, needing the security of the past again. But I promise that we’ll be here every step of the way, and that things will get better one day. It’s not alright… but you will be.” At that, they leaned forwards, and hugged Muelsyse. The warmth from her body assured them that they hadn’t been just rambling to a clone (not that they thought she was one in the first place) and judging from the soft sniffling, they had said enough. For now, they were just content to seek salvation in each other’s presence. Delicate life, woven in threads, unraveling in a temporary paradise.

      Astgenne and Magallan found them the next morning, three hours after the work day had started. They were huddled together, much to the two girls’ shock. Then, the two Rhine Labs employees began to drag the Doctor away from the drowsy Muelsyse (albeit for two different reasons). For further information on how this incident was resolved, please consult Mon3tr’s claws Dr. Kal’tsit.

Chapter Text

[Private Messages: Ptilopsis >>> Doctor]

Ptilopsis:

Doctor. Ptilopsis requests that you add her to the chat group “Actually Cool People”. If this is not done by the end of the day, Ptilopsis will release this image through Director Muelsyse.

<AllBundledUp.jpg>

Doctor:

Geez… Consider it done. Delete this picture afterwards, though.

Ptilopsis:

Affirmative.

[Private Messages: Astgenne >>> Doctor]

Astgenne:

You should add Joyce to the other chat else I'll send this in…

<RhinexRhodes’Collaboration’.jpg>

Doctor:

You too?!

[Rhodes Island Announcements]

Closure:

Hey everyone! If you’ve downloaded the new update on your phones, you can now change your usernames in your settings, and enable global servers!

If you don’t know what that means, it basically lets you text or access the phone’s services from anywhere in Terra. We’ve chosen to have it off by default to avoid spam, but it should be easily enabled.

And if you haven’t updated your phone yet… You should probably do it soon. Else you’ll have to pay extra for it!

[683 participants reacted with 👍.]

[Act ually Cool People]

Doctor:

You know what that means!

Flametail:

Wait I thought only users could change their own names–

Doctor:

lockchat(5555555)

[The chat has been muted for all participants except admins for 5555555 minutes.]

Doctor:

forcewriteperm( @Doctor )
vieworiginalnameperm( @everyone )

unlockchat()

[The chat has been unmuted.]

OrangeMofuMofu (Flametail):

What did you do

DOCTOR

WHY IS THIS MY NAME

Doctor:

Well, you see…

@everyone

[Doctor has gone offline.]

Big Cat (Blaze):

Wassup

Oh, that’s not a bad nickname

OrangeMofuMofu (Flametail):

DOCTOR I DEMAND ANSWERS

Lappland (Texas):

Chill.

Wait a minute…

Mostima (Exusiai):

You guys wouldn’t believe Texas’s face when she sent that!

Oh what the Kazdel–

Emo Schwing-Schwing (Mlynar):

Mmgh.

If a single bump in your convenient road elicits such fury from you, perhaps you should discard your phone entirely.

Mostima (Exusiai):

Wow, who shoved the stick up your ass? You’re almost as bad as the ice queen herself…

I Diagnose You With Dead (Hellagur):

Ah, Mlynar, let them have their fun.

Emo Schwing-Schwing (Mlynar):

Mmgh.

[Emo Schwing-Schwing has gone offline.]

Liskarm’s Handler (Franka):

Now I have to see this…

@Liskarm

Franka’s Handler (Liskarm):

What?

…I could get used to this name.

OrangeMofuMofu (Flametail):

DOCTOR YOU DONT GET TO RUN FROM THIS

@Doctor @Doctor @Doctor 

Doctor:

Right, I almost forgot!

[Mechanist, Magallan, Blemishine and Ptilopsis have been added to the group.]

Rockets In Running Shoes (Mechanist):

Was wondering when you’d add me after Logos was invited in, Doctor.

By the way, I took apart some of the phone’s components, more specifically the transmission and memory features. Real advanced stuff, and since you authorised the project with Closure… Where did you get them?

Doctor:

Not important.

GoldenMofuMofu (Blemishine):

Doctor! \(^o^)/

Doctor:

Blemi! \(^o^)/

Rhine Tap LLC (Muelsyse):

Aww, how cute!

…wait why is this my name?

Doctor:

There’s no need to worry about that, you adorable instant noodle water supply.

Rhine Tap LLC (Muelsyse):

I’m sorry, what?

Pingu (Magallan):

Seconded. What are you doing with my boss, Doctor?

Also, that’s a really cute name! Thank you, Doctor! I’ll make sure to bring back something for you from my next expedition.

Doctor:

Ahaha there’s really no need…

Night Light (Astgenne):

Ecology can’t keep itself on topic? Some things never change.

Oh, for goodness’ sake…

Doctor:

Closure not letting you view your own nickname or change it if it’s set by an admin is the best thing ever…

Alarm Clock (Astesia Urbica):

There’s no need to fret, Elena, you are a beam of joy in everyone’s life!

…

Doctor, I thought you would keep this in confidence.

Doctor:

I regret nothing.

Night Light (Astgenne):

Cringe (－‸ლ)

Doctor:

You’re one to talk…

Night Light (Astgenne):

Shh. 

Say a word and I’ll fry your retinas.

Doctor:

No need to get embarrassed 😏

Sharp:

…Aren’t you supposed to be processing battle records with Amiya right now, Doctor?

Doctor:

😯

I forgot about that

Sharp please protecc me from bnuuy daughter

Sharp? Logos? Mechanist? Guys?

[12 people reacted with a 😆, ⚰️, ☠️.]

TRAITORS!!!

I hear footsteps help–

[Doctor has gone offline.]

The Invisible Man (Ethan):

<DoctorDies.mp4>

Funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

How it ended with the Doctor headpatting Amiya is cute, but their face just *fell* from the sheer mountain of paperwork Amiya brought them too

And now she’s making them write a letter of apology

Akjfjknfasnfasfmn;fmakfa

Vent Rat (Gravel):

The Doctor gave Ethan a paper cut between his fingers as they went to pass Amiya the letter.

Aww… They’re so adorable, looking so ashamed. Ah, but they show their true intelligence based on the smirk they shot Ethan as they were walking back.

Geneva Suggestion (Aak):

Ew simp

Vent Rat (Gravel):

…run 😀

Old Carp (Lee):

Please don’t hurt him, Gravel.

*Sigh* Even the Doctor thinks I’m old? I’m only middle-aged!

Stacked Tiger (Swire): 

That’s because you type like a boomer.

Vent Rat (Gravel):

Fine, no kidnapping ☹️

Old Carp (Lee):

Okay, firstly, thank you.

Secondly, I don’t type like a boomer.

[Jaye has come online.]

Lungmen’s GDP (Jaye):

You do.

[Jaye has gone offline.]

Old Carp (Lee):

This is the first time he’s used his phone for something other than networking and he does that?

What the heck…

SassGPT (Ptilopsis):

Ptilopsis would like to inquire as to the reason behind most of Rhine Lab’s personnel being named after various household appliances.

While they may share the approximate usefulness and functionality of one in most cases, Ptilopsis does not believe this to be an accurate assessment.

Terrorist With A Cause (Catapult):

probably bcos they all wanna get inside Doc;s house lol

Stop Hitting Slugs (Ebenholz):

…this modern world moves too fast for my taste. 

At least it annoys the old man far more than it does me.

SassGPT (Ptilopsis):

No comment.

Chapter Text

[Actually Cool People]

Doctor:

So, I’ve been thinking…

Stacked Tiger (Swire):

That’s not good.

Doctor:

Eh, probably not for you.

But anyway, I was thinking about holding a chess tournament.

Weakest Rim Billiton Hunter (Ray):

What’s chess?

I Diagnose You With Dead (Hellagur):

Who will be participating?

Doctor:

A board game. Participation will be voluntary.

The Wholesome One (Cliffheart):

You just want to play against my brother again, don’t you.

Doctor:

…no. Although, he would be scintillating to deal with.

The Angy One (Pramanix):

gross

Doctor. Why is this my name?

The Wholesome One (Cliffheart):

She’s using full sentences? Uh oh.

The Responsible One (Kjera):

Enya, do you want tail rubs?

Most Ethical War Criminal (Tequila):

I think we’re getting off-topic…

Doctor, if you do go through with this, where are you hosting it?

Doctor:

Eh, probably the second-floor dormitory.

Capo (Aosta):

Chiave I see u typing do NOT sign up you will lose

Doctor:

Oh, don’t be so harsh. It’s a social activity.

Soldato (Broca):

Bullshit, I’ve seen you play against Popukar and Rosmontis before.

You’re ruthless.

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Broca]

Doctor:

Broca I will pay you for your silence

Broca:

Nope.

[Actually Cool People]

Stacked Tiger (Swire):

Ooh, this I have to see. Spill the tea~

Weakest Rim Billiton Mother (Savage):

Doctor…

Doctor:

Merci…

Soldato (Broca):

So the other day, Popukar came up to the Doctor in the Office with a chess set and asked them to teach her how to play.

Rosmontis was there at the time, and Amiya taught her the basics previously. Even sent her a TL:DR on her tablet.

Long story short, the Doctor trounced her. 4-0.

Doctor:

I was trying to go easy on her… 

( T^T )

Soldato (Broca):

You checkmated her with just a Rook, Knight and King…

Even after you fed your other pieces, you still won in eight moves.

I think you even got her with a Fool’s Mate once.
Anyway

It got so bad that Orchid came to see why Popukar was tearing up.

Sottocapo (Chiave):

Rest in piss, Doctor.

*PEACE

Soldato (Broca):

I’m not finished. The Doctor then proceeded to gut Orchid 2-0 before Popukar actually started crying.

Doctor:

Broca

Why must you do this to me

Soldato (Broca):

You started yawning in the middle of the match.

Doctor:

I was tired, okay?

Soldato (Broca):

My point being

Chiave, don’t bother joining.

Chunhuang (Qiubai):

Doctor… 

Tch. You know Yanese?

Alcohol Mommy (Ling):

Indeed, mayhaps your presence deters potential players…

Ah, I hadn’t realised that you view me in such a flattering manner.

Doctor:

Just kill me now, please.

Rich Cat (Jessica):

That can be arranged. Come to Columbia sometime soon, hm?

Doctor:

JESSICA–?!

[Rhodes Island Announcements]

Doctor:

Hey all! Um, this isn’t exactly official, but…

I’m holding a chess tourney in the cafeteria in two weeks’ time.

So this registration form: https://docs.rhodes.com/forms/eir48kadmsak20d

Is for any willing participants to sign up! (Limited to the first 64 participants.) Just fill it up in a week’s time. Gummy and Matterhorn will be cooking for lunch, so don’t worry about getting your own food.

[129 participants reacted with a 👍.]

        “So…” The Doctor inhaled as they looked around the room. Several operators that they did recognise, and plenty that they did not, were seated in the cafeteria benches. “I got a few extra judges who will be arbitrating the matches. They are SilverAsh, Mlynar, Jaye, Myrtle and Hellagur.” They swept their hand at the five other judges’ general direction. “Due to several valid complaints, we will not be participating directly. Ahem. Anyway, how this tournament is going to go for the participants is that there will be six main rounds. Though, due to necessary logistical constraints…” The twelve chess boards with a few spare pieces for pawn promotion were spread out across the tables. “The first few rounds will be split with twelve matches occurring at any one time. After the second round, we’ll have a short lunch break.”

        Subsequently, the Doctor took out their phone. “There. If you look at your messages, your match timing, partner and judge have been sent to you directly. Thirty minute matches, end at checkmate. Draws will see both players disqualified. And with that, please report to your allocated board for your first round if you are selected, may the best player win, yadda yadda yadda.” SilverAsh nodded his head, setting off for the first two boards. Mlynar grumbled, before rising from his seat and taking out the latest newspaper. Jaye promptly began to check his phone, and went to the designated table for his stint as an arbitrator. Myrtle cheered, putting away her “Chess For Dummies” guidebook and skipping to her seat. Last but not least, Hellagur passed out two candies to the younger staff members playing before proceeding to take out an old-fashioned timer.

        The first round saw many Reserve Operators knocked out, mostly from Medical and Combat divisions. Medical suffered from their general lack of experience with chess compared to the more well-versed logistics operators (who needed some way to cure their boredom) while Combat Reserve Operators were overall unused to the slow flow of the game. Ethan was also booted out of the venue, but that was from him attempting to sneakily move a piece with an invisible hand, assuming that Mlynar was too preoccupied by his newspaper. He found out the unfortunate way that the veteran Kuranta was hardly as inattentive as he first assumed. Though, the Doctor was still able to see Ethan attempting to hang near the kitchens, assumedly waiting for the lunch later. Nevertheless, the match between Pinecone and Swire was still ongoing. Swire had a surprisingly cute focused expression, while Pinecone was merely doing what she thought was best in the moment. A few moves later, and a particularly brilliant fork from Swire with two knights, and the game was hers with two passed pawns being promoted to Queens. Erstwhile, Maria was playing against Flametail, with Sona shooting the occasional glare at the Doctor. In response, they elected to tease her by miming the fluffing of a tail on their rear that they didn’t have. 

        The psychological warfare from the Doctor evidently threw the Flametail Knight off her game, as Maria was quite exuberantly using five different knights to pin Sona’s king into checkmate. With that, the Doctor declared Swire and Blemishine to be the winners of their respective matches. Afterwards, they welcomed Texas and Amiya to their left against each other, and Elysium with Cement on their right.

        Somehow, as the former match was underway, the Doctor could faintly recognise their own style in Amiya’s way of playing. An adapted version of the Queen’s Gambit was employed, costing Texas her two bishops, a few pawns and a rook subsequently thereafter from a desperado knight and queen. Texas’s freestyle way of play eventually left her with little material in the endgame, which Amiya capitalised on. The Doctor could swear that they caught a wink from Amiya as she won against Texas without promotions, only using her remaining pieces to corner Texas. The Lupo graciously conceded her defeat, standing up to look for Exusiai (who had been unknowingly grabbed by Mostima for a prank) while the Doctor patted Amiya on the head and went to reset the board. 

        On the other hand, Elysium and Cement were rather exuberant, audibly gulping on their blunders and snickering with their more refined plays. Neither of them were giving each other an inch, but the sly smiles on both their faces made the Doctor smile in return. Elysium ultimately won the match, shaking hands with his opponent while side-eying Thorns, who merely sighed in annoyance. Shortly thereafter, the Doctor keyed in the results and awaited the next round.

        Utage was staring into Kirara’s eyes intently, while Kirara was looking everywhere but the Nue as she moved her queen. They had previously gone up against a Reserve Operator and Weedy respectively, with their current match against each other putting Kirara at a slight positioning advantage. The Doctor’s attention shifted to their right after a bit of time Utage spent playing defensively to Kirara’s increasingly aggressive plays, using her queen to control the board. 

        They silently snorted at seeing Elysium audibly grinding his teeth at Platinum, who looked as dead inside as ever as she promoted yet another pawn into a queen. The Doctor dutifully provided the requested piece, with Platinum clicking it down to the second rank after Elysium desperately tried moving his king away. “Checkmate.” She declared, making sure that the Doctor’s attention was on her as she stopped the timer on twenty-four minutes and five seconds. “I’m sorry, but victory is mine.” After which, the Kuranta swept her hair and promptly left the fuming Elysium to stew at his seat. Both of them could see Thorns cracking a small smile in the background, causing Elysium to further boil over in his frustration. The Doctor hurriedly ushered Elysium to the lunch trays in the meantime, while still keeping an eye on Kirara and Utage’s game.

        “What the–? That can’t be a legitimate move.” Utage’s expression was creased with disbelief as Kirara tapped the button for checkmate. “It is. Google en passant. It’s your fault for letting your King be flushed out that far anyway.” Kirara let out a bored yawn as she sent the Wikipedia article to Utage, as she got up from her seat on the bench, walking towards the desserts table and snagging a bag of crisps. Utage, after reading the article and getting the confirmation from the Doctor that it was a legitimate move, merely shrugged and giggled as the adrenaline from her ‘fight’ wore off. The Doctor stood up, stretching in their hood, before walking up to the stage as the last few matches died down. “Alright everyone, take twenty for lunch.” Already, quite a few operators were making their way to the open platters of food, courtesy of the diligent kitchen staff.

        During the break, the Doctor decided to check in on their fellow judges. Mlynar was silent, Jaye was already preparing extra finballs, Hellagur and Myrtle were helping themselves to the food, and SilverAsh was sitting off to the side. Truth be told, the Doctor was getting kind of bored too. They locked eyes with SilverAsh from beneath the mask, and the Doctor already knew what they were going to do to pass the time. “Mlynar, could you please act as a judge?” The two of them were already making their way to the nearest chess board, with Mlynar letting out a grunt of acknowledgement as he followed them with a ten minute timer. This was to be a rushed match with lunch ending soon, after all.

        The board laid out, the pieces set. The Doctor took the white pieces as their side, while SilverAsh took the black pieces. With the opening move sending a pawn to e4, they began with a King’s Pawn start. SilverAsh, moving his pawn to d6, chose to respond with a solid Pirc defense. The Doctor moved their right Knight up to form a Closed Sicilian defense. From there, the game went swiftly. Both players were ruthless, checking each other when fortuitous and trying to force a fork whenever they could. Each advancement a defense, each retreat laying the groundwork for further opportunity. Mlynar was merely there to keep the time, and to keep away the quickly-forming crowd of spectators. And, in about seventy moves in, the two were locked in the endgame. On one hand, the Doctor had their king and a rook remaining. On the other hand, SilverAsh had a knight and a bishop, along with his own king. At which point, after about ten or so more moves, Mlynar intervened to call the match a draw from insufficient material. Both players only then snapped out of their reverie. In all honesty, despite SilverAsh having a technical material advantage, neither player was truly focused on who was the winner of the game. Once again, yet another battle of wits between them had concluded with a draw.

         SilverAsh was the first to get up, eloquently acknowledging his ally before withdrawing back to his allocated tables. The Doctor stammered slightly from the number of wide eyes directed their way, before hugging a particularly starred-eye Rosmontis and carrying her to her table. She was set to face off against Swire. They were looking forward to this, to be honest.

        …Admittedly, it could have gone much better for Rosmontis. She tried to copy Amiya in her playstyle, and Swire managed to match Rosmontis’s aggressiveness with her own pieces. Over time, Rosmontis’s trading of Swire’s more valuable pieces for multiple of her own smaller pieces left her starved for material in the endgame, which led to her eventual loss. The Doctor patted Rosmontis’s head, before sending her off to watch Amiya’s match against Platinum.

        One very annoyed Platinum and very flabbergasted Swire later, and the Doctor was keying in the entries for the next round.

        The last round was quickly approaching. The remaining rounds passed by in the blink of an eye, with most of the judges being allowed to leave or give feedback to the players who had been knocked out. Now, all that remained was for Amiya and Kirara to settle who would be the ultimate victor.

        Mlynar would be judging the match with SilverAsh, citing the Doctor’s bias from both their daughter and understudy playing against each other. Secretly, they were quite glad that they wouldn’t be called to judge. If Amiya had inherited any fragment of them from the time that she spent under their care, she was definitely going to pull off something devious in the middle of the match. On the other hand, Kirara was equally as skilled at strategy games (such that they had thought it a worthwhile effort to prepare her as an understudy of theirs) so she had a decent chance of pulling this off too. 

        Oh, they had a brilliant idea. They whipped out their phone and opened the camera, pressing record.

[Actually Cool People]

Doctor:

<ChessFinals.mp4>

This was really fun, I’d love to do it again sometimes!

It was really great to see everyone here...

[6 participants reacted with a 👍.]

Understudy (Kirara):

What the hell did you feed that girl, Doctor.

[34 participants reacted with 👏, 📔, ⚰️.]

Chapter Text

[Actually Cool People]

Guppy (Lumen):

Thank you for your overwhelming support for Iberia’s disaster relief efforts, everyone! Donna Irene and I would like to convey our gratitude on behalf of the Inquisition.

Doctor:

Okay that’s it

Guppy (Lumen):

…is something wrong, Doctor? Also, why is this my–

[Lumen has been kicked from the group chat.]

Alchemist Prick (Thorns):

…I may not approve of the Inquisition myself, but even I think that’s a tad harsh.

What did Lumen do to deserve your excision?

Doctor:

Both Irene and him are already dating in name

But they keep dancing around each other

It’s frustrating! As members of the Actually Cool People, you need to help me set them up with each other!

Catapult:

sure lol

Preheated Cinnamon Roll (Reed):

Doctor, I don’t think that’s wise.

Comms Bird (Elysium):

I fully agree.

Those two deserve each other.

Doctor:

Wow Ely being professional?

Did I become Kal’tsit overnight? Couldn’t be, I haven’t been invited to a private ball with Gladiia…

Anyway

Hang on a sec, someone else is texting me.

[Private Messages: Lumen >>> Doctor]

Lumen:

Doctor??? Did I offend you?

Doctor?

Doctor:

Nah lol I need to discuss something with the rest.

[Private Messages: Irene >>> Doctor]

Irene:

BULLY LUMEN ONE MORE TIME AND I SWEAR TO SAINT CARMEN VAS A SUFRIR MI IRA

[Read 4:33PM]

[Actually Cool People]

Doctor:

Holy shit, my shipping instincts are flaring up even now.

<screenshot_lumen.jpg>

<screenshot_irene.jpg>

Anyway, give me ideas and help me make this work out before Irene decides to cleave the sea in two by herself.

Orange Mofu-Mofu (Flametail):

Maybe a few games might help them bond better.

<It_Takes_Two.dll>

<Turn_the_Tides.dll> 

<ULTRAKILL.dll>

…maybe not that last one.

Doctor:

Are those pirated Kazimierz and Columbian games?

Orange Mofu-Mofu (Flametail):

Look, don’t judge me, but I don’t have the local IP so I can’t avoid the markup.

Doctor:

…anyway

Anything else?

Mostima (Exusiai):

Rollercoaster?

I know a good place in Trimounts they could visit.

Doctor:

Decent enough.

Alcohol Mommy (Ling): 

An easy night of soothing rhymes and well-aged wines loosens up most hearts, I find. 

Doctor:

Nope, I’m not giving Rafaela more trouble.

[Tequila reacted with a 👍.]

Quercus’s Daughter (Goldenglow):

Um, maybe let them style each other? I’m willing to help…

Tailor Bird (Bibeak):

Well, I would love to chip in!

Doctor:

You two are geniuses, I’ll pm someone about something.

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Ptilopsis]

Doctor:

Yo. Can you get Mayer to tail the two with a Meebo?

Ptilopsis:

Affirmative. Running contact…

Probability of success is approximately 89.2%, to a degree of accuracy of three significant figures.

Doctor:

Meh good enough

[Private Messages: Closure >>> Kal’tsit]

Closure:

<revised_vent_filts_n_security>

Waiting for your approval as always!

For professionalism’s sake, the full details are in your email’s inbox. It’s also forwarded to Amiya.

[Delivered 5:15PM]

        Maria was giggling at the flurry of messages from the phone in her hands, likely the hasty plans to use the remaining hours of the day to plan for Lumen and Irene’s impromptu date on the weekend, in about twelve hours’ time. So much so that she did not notice her sister, Margaret entering the otherwise empty Training Room and leaning over her shoulder to peer at whatever was making her younger sister’s tail swish back and forth in such an elated manner. Though, as soon as Maria saw Nearl’s golden eyes, she squeaked and closed the chat.

        “...are you alright, Maria?” The Defender-Guard Pegasus asked with an amused smile on her face. “Did the Doctor send you one of their ‘me-mes’ again?”

        Internally, Maria wanted to correct her sister with the full story from that butchered pronunciation alone, if only to spare her elder sibling the future humiliation from a more blunt operator. However, she swore to never reveal the group chat’s existence to the Doctor! …but, it was just her sister… And… No, bad Blemi! Oh, she was still in the middle of a conversation. “Haha… yeah. It was one of the fluffy sheep videos.”

        “Ah, I remember them. Operator Eyjafjalla had a fun time with them.” Margaret nodded her head slowly. “May I see it?”

        “Um…” Maria’s brain blue-screened for a few seconds, a few trails of sweat running down her back at that despite the sedentary nature of her previous activities. Her mind whirled a mile a minute to think of any excuse to not blow her cover. “Well, you see, it’s… it’s password restricted, so only people with permission can see the video! To everyone else, it’s a blank screen. The Doctor would have to give you permission to see the video too, and I don’t want to trouble them further…”

        “Oh. I see.” A disappointed smile was on Nearl’s face as she nodded. “Then, carry on.” With that, she left Maria be.

        “Phew” , Maria sighed internally. “That was close.”

[Actually Cool People]

Doctor:

Right. Before I forget…

[Doctor has added Lumen to the chat.]

Guppy (Lumen):

Ah. Hello again, everyone.

[45 participants reacted with a 👍.]

Doctor:

Why do you all love him more than me :(

Actually don't answer, whatever reason you have is probably valid.

[Private Messages: Reed >>> Doctor]

Reed:

Doctor, if you need to talk...

Doctor:

What?

Oh, no, this is just about my natural lovable tendencies to do shenanigans.

Reed:

Ah. Well, all the same, you can confide in me.

[Doctor reacted with a 💗.]

Doctor?!

Doctor:

*sniff*

My cute little cinnamon roll is all grown up now...

Reed:

We look to be roughly similar ages, Doctor.

        Behind the phone screen, they chuckled quietly to themselves.

        "Oh, if only you knew." The Doctor whispered in the office, gently running a finger over their own exposed cheek, a perfectly regulated and gilded cage. Then again, maybe Loughshinny had plenty of ideas. There weren't that many Dracos left running around, after all.

        They sighed. What a depressing topic. They needed to cheer themselves up, and they had the perfect idea.

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Irene]

Doctor:

So why the maid dress?

[User Irene has blocked you.]

Doctor:

Darn.

[Private Messages: Kal’tsit >>> Closure]

Kal’tsit:

It has been approved. You may begin work at the next maintenance quarter, Ada.

[Closure reacted with a 👍.]

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Yelena]

Doctor:

You asked me to entertain you, so…

<https://drive.rhodes.com/folders-prts/ase2lfepwe91>

Hopefully you enjoy these like I did, to pass the time.

Yelena:

Doctor…

…why were you stuffed into a carpet?

…thank you, though.

[Doctor reacted with a 👍.]

Chapter Text

[Private Messages: Blemishine >>> Doctor]

Blemishine:

Doctor! Doctor! Doctor!

(* ^ *)

Doctor:

Blemi! 😀

What’s up?

Blemishine:

I tried asking Mechanist the other day about the phone production logistics in Rhodes Island!

And apparently he doesn’t know!

Neither does Pudding, or Closure…

So, Doctor!

W̶͙̎̇h̴̟͚̀a̴̺͂̑t̶͉͐̆ ̵͉͗ḁ̵̺̅̈́r̵̩̄ͅê̷͓͚ ̵̘̫̉y̴̫͎͋o̶͚͉̚u̴̺̼͌ ̵͇̐͒h̸̡́̿i̵̧̪͗d̸̼̘̈́i̷͛͘ͅn̷̗͙̚̚ǵ̴͖̔ ̶̳̤̉f̸̥͈̈́r̴͖̄͜ō̵͎̪m̸̻̾ͅ ̸̱̊m̴͈̍é̶̙̄?̶̹̍

Doctor:

Kal’tsit Almighty, how do you do that? That is actually terrifying.

Fine, fine, meet me at the Second Factory that Zumama usually goes to tomorrow. 9AM, don’t be late.

Blemishine:

I appreciate your honesty, Doctor 🙂

Also, the command is zalgo (<text>) with no space in-between.

Doctor:

Aww. Wholesome as always, Maria.

        “So, just climb underneath the whole line…” The Doctor gritted their teeth, the sheer heat of the workings underneath causing them to boil in their suit like a crab. “And eventually you’ll reach a panel that allows you to configure the production materials.” Screw Maria and her stupidly happy face all the time. The Doctor hated how they couldn’t resist it. Mlynar too, for that matter. They hated the Nearl family in general for being so charming. Well, not really – They did just hate the lack of ventilation below the machinery (since the heat energy itself was used in a remarkably ergonomic system) which in turn was making them more unreasonable to deal with. 

        “For instance, the Engineering Team has kindly provided the formula for Dualchips, and there is also an option to produce Originium Shards.” They continued. “The Factory does have the ability to produce pre-determined materials like Pure Gold and Carbon Sticks, which can then be further refined at the Workshops…”

        All the while, Maria was eagerly nodding her head, eyes as starry as a child being told that every day was going to be a holiday. Not that the Doctor could see her expression, stuck underneath a conveyor belt as they were. (If they had, they might have been more concerned about asking what the Defender had in mind with the near-limitless capabilities of the Factories.) As it stood, they quickly clambered and slid out back to the sweet, air-conditioned room. “Call me if you need anything more. Just shakedown a drone, I’ll hear it.” The Doctor grumbled, walking past Maria and out of the door.

        “Ah, thank you– They left already, huh?” A few minutes later, Blemishine snapped out of her thoughts, before dialing a number using her phone. “Eunectes? I found out something BIG!”

[Rhodes Island Announcements]

Closure:

Hey everyone! Please avoid the first, second and third loading bays until further notice!

[302 people reacted with a 👍.]

[Private Messages: Closure >>> Doctor]

Closure:

What the Kazdel did you do and why are there massive robots trashing MY stock?!>!?!

Doctor:

THERES WHAT?

Closure:

You heard me, sort this out

        The Doctor was panting from exertion as they pressed their card against the ID Reader to open the doors. Sure enough, as Closure said, there were two towering mechs duking it out in the cargo bays, knocking over all sorts of cartons and crushing pallets underneath their weight. The Doctor recognised at least one to be the Raging Ironhide, complete with an all-new paint job and at least two more sawblades that they were sure weren’t there before, along with electrically-charged armouring. They also were sure that they had no clue what the other protrusions Zumama had added to the Ironhide were for, billowing smoke from galvanized jaws as it was.

        On the other hand, a massive platinum-gold shield was held aloft in front of another figure that looked downright angelic , light streaming off its chassis with a castle-like head surrounded by black steel and arms, quite like a fusion between a rook with the embellishments of a knight and queen, sloping down to form sleek legs of pure metal. The Doctor recognised the sketches from Maria and Platinum’s idle time in the Dormitories (under the watchful eye of the more elder Nearl) and audibly swallowed their spit, almost choking. Surely not. They prayed that behind the helm of this multiple-story tall monstrosity wasn’t a particularly bright-eyed Pegasian mechanic. For her sake, as well as their own when Kal’tsit inevitably caught wind of this.

         ‘Wait, was that–’ The Doctor wisely shut the door tight as an arrow of light larger than all the javelins in the armoury combined struck the steel frame. It would be troublesome to have their suit punctured, given that a majority of the workers and Operators turning up to the scene of mayhem were Infected themselves. Even a stray breath could be dangerous to them. Scratch that, remaining here for any longer would be dangerous to them, and they preferred a reprimand from Kal’tsit than a reprimand from Priestess any day of the week. Giving a silent wish for good luck to Maria and Eunectes, they departed from the cargo bay after shooting off a few messages.

[Private Messages: Closure >>> Doctor]

Doctor:

This is beyond my power. Sorry.

Closure:

You didn’t even try to talk them down? I can see you from the remaining cams!

[Read 11:34AM.]

[Private Messages: Doctor >>> Skad1]

Doctor:

Sorry for bothering you, but there’s a situation in the first three loading bays I need you to sort out. Two mechs duking it out with superweapons, so it should be something right up your alley.

Ah, right. You should also collect your new phone after all this. See you later in Czerny’s band room, Skadi?

Skad1:

Ac:n0wledged. M0v1ng 0_t.

[Doctor reacted with a 🙏.]

        While it wasn’t the first time Skadi had been called in to deal with threats above Rhodes Island’s normal combat capacities, it definitely had been the first time a threat of this supposed magnitude had made it inside home base and had been robotic in nature. Inwardly, Skadi wondered if the Engineering Team had finally cracked the captain into letting some Ægir technology secrets slip, but that was evidently not the most pressing issue at the moment. What was more important was that she deal with the threat quickly and finally get to the practice room she negotiated for the Doctor and her to try singing. (Oddly enough, the Leithanien composer seemed less intimidated by her and more excited to sit in on the performance, much to Skadi’s chagrin.) Striding down the corridors and watching the operators part like curtains in her wake, she eventually stopped in front of a larger door meant to accommodate cargo transportation vehicles. The entire section was locked down, with the sound of inhuman thudding and the telltale reverberation of explosions accompanied by rising steam. It was troublesome, but nothing that Skadi couldn’t cut through entirely. One count of property damage later, and she was in.

        In retrospect, she probably should’ve considered that move with more careful deliberation. Skadi found herself ducking, sprinting and rolling past a barrage of munitions from the Raging Ironhide and having to strike away ear-splitting streaks of light from Maria’s mech. Well, it wasn’t as if things were going to get better for Skadi if she decided to keep dodging the two titans, so after emptying her head and sliding down charred metal panels, she decided to heft her blade and let herself fly. Weaving underneath a rogue sawblade and arrayed sabres of divine gold, bursting through the fog…

[Actually Cool People]

Catapult:

so who threw a bomb in the silverware cabinets and why didn’t they invite me?

Comms Bird (Elysium):

No, I could here it too.

Alchemist Prick (Thorns):

hear*

Comms Bird (Elysium):

That’s what you’re concerned about? My spelling?

Sweet Therapist (Honeyberry):

Are we under attack???

Doctor:

Technically

But not anymore

Kleptomaniac Kat (Haze):
you know that doesnt mean anything right?

Doctor:

Don’t worry, you’ll see it on the disciplinary board, soon.

        The next morning, after the two robots were disassembled and held in storage, Dr. Gavial decided to take an extended vacation back to Acahualla along with Operator Eunectes. The approval for this request was expedited by the Doctor and Dr. Kal’tsit, according to the other Medical Team staff members.

        Maria Nearl was unable to comment, and was not reported to have returned to her room, according to the night watch of a persistent Zalak named Click. For further reports on this incident, see the archives for the file “MNGC-002”.

        Off to a side corner of the Training Room, Margaret Nearl had a particularly ferocious grip on Maria’s left ear. “Oww…” Blemishine occasionally letting out a whine notwithstanding, the more damning thing was the elder Nearl scrolling through her sister’s phone to ensure that she didn’t have any more up-and-coming apocalypse schematics stored in her drives. 

        “Maria. What is this ‘Actually Cool People’?” Nearl raised an eyebrow at that particular chat group. “Wait, no–” Maria’s sudden protests fell on deaf ears, as Nearl’s fingers tapped on the icon of the chat. The Radiant Knight let out a thoughtful hum, seeing the various participants. “Hmm… Uncle Młynar’s an ‘admin’? This ought to be interesting…” Maria could only internally weep as her sister texted both the Doctor and their uncle for admin privileges. She had committed a cardinal sin, betraying the Doctor’s trust…

        Off to another corner of the Training Room, Skadi was enjoying her new phone, recording her routines with the camera function. This way, she could act as her own corrector by reviewing the footage of her exercises. No other people required, just the way she liked it.

[Private Messages: Closure >>> Kal’tsit]

Closure:

On the bright side, we’ve got a reason to start renovating now.

It’ll be ready in about… erm, however long it takes for this ship to cooperate with me.

[Rhodes Island Announcements]

[Młynar has been made a temporary admin by Amiya.]

Młynar:

Click this link to join my chat group! (This is an automatic message which can be disabled in the settings.)

<https://rhodes.web.com/actually_cool_people/ASd2kd0B>

Doctor:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE–

Closure:

muteuser(Doctor, 80)

[Doctor has been muted for 80 minutes.]

Chapter Text

[Actually Cool People]

[Several people have joined the chat through an invite link. Say hello, everyone!]

Doctor:

Actually gonna kms you will never hear from me again

Why did you do this to me Mlynar

Did I not buy enough newspapers for you?

Amiya:

Doctor, you realise how having what essentially amounts to a secret club with select Operators looks like to the rest of the company, especially to the excluded parties.

Doctor:

This isn’t a secret club, Amiya.

These are just the Operators that I often deploy.

It made more sense to have an easy way to reach most of them.

Amiya:

@Andreana has been deployed for only 2 operations out of the past 100 operations. 

You have filed extensive operation records regarding this matter, do not attempt to dispute this.

Adding to that, amongst the unidentifiable nameplates most participants have, there are likely several operators that have not had contact with you in an official capacity for months.

Doctor:

Okay, yes, but isn’t that the whole point of these phones?

To talk to others without all that red tape?

Amiya:

I know you well enough to know that you know that I know you’re lying to me. 

         Involuntarily, the Doctor sucked in a breath – and just couldn’t breathe. They didn’t remember that day in full (didn’t remember any of that past in full, just dangling, half-spun threads in the loom of their head) but something about being called a liar in itself twisted something in them.

         Even if it wasn’t meant to be anything more than a little jab between them, something about it coming from Amiya made that knot in them grow brittle.

         They flopped in an unsightly way on their seat. Feranmuts damn it, they were an adult, so why couldn’t they do something so simple like deal with a text? They were smart, they were responsible. Something short would be fine. They just needed to be alone after this.

[Actually Cool People]

 Doctor:

Fine

[You can no longer send messages to this group chat as you have left the chatroom. Only admins have been notified of your departure! Remaining Admins: Młynar, Logos, Muelsyse.]

          Unheard to all, the various guards assigned to the Doctor’s office let out various grunts and/or shrieks of surprise, as the rooms and/or vents they were occupying dilated and shifted. As they found out in a rather more physical way than they would have preferred, their positions near the Doctor were relocated rather abruptly. To as far away as possible, while the Doctor stood up and circled the room in a nervous pacing.

         “Just need some air…” Pawing at nothing, they eventually fished out their keycard and opened the door to their main quarters, just a side room to their actual bedroom. Also known as their office, but who was really keeping count?

         Nonetheless, something about the air felt… cleaner? In a way that couldn’t be put into words, the still winds of the air-conditioning felt silent. Refreshingly so. A quietude beyond what the Doctor had ever known in their current life, something so joyous yet subtle. Breathing it in and out was soothing. In, and out. In, and out. Walking in the coffin-like room had never felt so pleasant.

[Private Messages: Closure >>> Kal’tsit]

Closure:

Finally got everything done. This message is three days late because of all the patching.

Kal’tsit:

Excellent work as always.

Closure:

Someone’s going to need to clear out that filter room from all the Originium dust eventually. At least, until we can actually work out why the piping decays abnormally quickly.

Kal’tsit:

It is something you can look into with Mechanist, Logos, if you must. Do notify me of any relevant complications.

[Closure reacted with a 👍.]

[Private Messages: Yelena >>> Doctor]

Yelena:

So… Everything alright?

It’s not the easiest to be less direct, sorry if that came off weird.

[You blocked this contact. Press again to unblock.]

         Silently, festering in the guts of the landship like a scab, Originium detritus trapped from the air and the furnaces above swirled meaninglessly in place. 

         Slowly, steel and PVC gave way as the black particulate chipped away at it. Burning with purple sparks giving way to blue flame. Eventually, the lack of oxygen would snuff out the flames and it would fade before the cycle began anew.

         Swiftly, the crystals would accumulate, tapping into whatever they could first reach.

[Private Messages: □̶̭͋̓̔̉̒̕□̴̲͔͇̺͍̗̣̬͍̣́̎͊̈̀̀̊̔̇͛͜͠□̸̜̋̋□̸̢̧̛͈̮̘̳̞̙͕̼͉̪̙͔̝͌̂͌͑́͂̃͛͛̅͑̀̚͠͠□̸̬͗́̄̉͊͗̋̂̂̏͂̈̅̈́□̴̙̭̺̤̱̮͓̹͓̬͐̍̈́̍̇̄̐̍̓̑̋̿ͅ□̴͎͔̘͑͐̋̆́□̸̢̺̯͖̬̣̹̞͓͈̫͔̭͗̓͐̅̕͝͝□̸͍̥̺̫̰̳͛̓̎̆͒̍̀̔͝͠ >>> □̸̢̣͖͚̝̙͎͇͖̳̤̎̔̾̀̂́͝ͅ□̵̛̛̝́̒̇͑̓̂̆̆́̀͝͠͝□̶̛̲̼̘͌̉͐̈͌̚͘͜□̴̨̡̟̗͉̟̪̘̯̥̥̗̔̃͗̏̑̏̓̌̈́̒͐̽͑͝͝͠□̶̛̳͉̤̬̆́̓̔̿̌̐̈́͐̓̓̒̓͘̕͜□̷̢̡̧̢̛͙̯̫͖͈̭̯̣̹͖̠͆͗̀̀̋̈̉̀͒̈́͌̐̃͊̐̚]

…

…

…

[Error. Client not found.]

Why?

[Private Messages: □̶̭͋̓̔̉̒̕□̴̲͔͇̺͍̗̣̬͍̣́̎͊̈̀̀̊̔̇͛͜͠□̸̜̋̋□̸̢̧̛͈̮̘̳̞̙͕̼͉̪̙͔̝͌̂͌͑́͂̃͛͛̅͑̀̚͠͠□̸̬͗́̄̉͊͗̋̂̂̏͂̈̅̈́□̴̙̭̺̤̱̮͓̹͓̬͐̍̈́̍̇̄̐̍̓̑̋̿ͅ□̴͎͔̘͑͐̋̆́□̸̢̺̯͖̬̣̹̞͓͈̫͔̭͗̓͐̅̕͝͝□̸͍̥̺̫̰̳͛̓̎̆͒̍̀̔͝͠ >>> Doctor]

Will this work, then?

What an interesting cage you’ve made for yourself.