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The CD felt heavy in her grip as Jess held it carefully, weighing it in her hands. Frowning slightly, she stared down at it, while tracing gentle fingers softly over the smooth surface. Flipping it over, she continued to study the small case, gripping it delicately and handling it as if it might burst into flames at any moment. For some unknown reason she was hesitant to take the disc out, funnily enough she was afraid that she would taint it, which was really a ridiculous notion, seeing as though the CD was made for the sole purpose of her having meaningless sex to.
Biting her lip and taking in a deep breath, Jess opened the case slowly. Gingerly, she lifted the CD out, feeling silly for handling it so carefully while at the same time, dimly noting the odd and sudden feeling of uncertainty that washed over her. Continuing to chew on her lip, she looked down and studied the small mirrored disc, pausing for a moment as she did.
"What's that?"
At the question, Jess glanced over at Sam while tapping the CD lightly against her palm. Her gaze swiftly landed on him and tilting her head to the side, she studied him carefully, allowing her eyes the pleasure of drinking in the sight of him. He really was quite amazing to look at, sprawled out on her bed appearing sexy and perfect while shooting his best 'come hither' look in her direction.
Yes, he was downright hot as all get up, but as she continued to watch him, Jess couldn't help but wonder if she kind of hated him a bit. He was nothing like the usual guys she normally dated...but then again they weren't dating. They had already established that. What was going on between them was nothing more than pure unadulterated incredible sex. They were satisfying each others physical needs and that was it.
Nothing emotional, no chance of anything more, no illusions of a lasting relationship...just sex.
So maybe she didn't hate him at all...maybe she hated herself.
And it was with that thought that she noticed a small sinking feeling in her belly, one that made her feel the tiniest bit sad, kind of dirty, and for some reason slightly guilty for her repeated actions with this man that she had no connection with...well no connection other than wonderful and amazing, mind-blowing, filthy, bad, bad, bad sex.
Sam's slightly uncomfortable chuckle, snapped her to her senses, and remembering his question, she looked down at the CD case; a small smile spread slowly across her lips as she read the words scribbled across it…Nick's Sexy Mix. He could be such a nerd sometimes, and being a fairly big nerd herself, she secretly kinda loved that about him.
"Just a CD." She murmured softly, crinkling her nose a bit as that sinking feeling in her gut grew more obvious with tender thoughts about her roommate across the hall.
"Ahhhh jams to get it on to, I can dig it."
Barely suppressing a groan at Sam's words, Jess focused on the CD player and hitting play, tried to push away the annoying feeling in her stomach, and the voice inside her head that laughed at her smugly, and asked her what the hell she was doing with a guy like this. Rolling her eyes, she couldn't help but feel defensive; Sam was good in bed, she wasn't sleeping with the man for his mind and the riveting conversations they shared…she was well aware of that. They were merely enjoying and appreciating each others bodies, and there was nothing wrong with that. It was no big deal. She had denied herself casual sex nearly all her life, now it was time to take her turn, just like many other normal and healthy adults in her position would take theirs. Besides, she wanted to see if the rumors were true, if no-strings attached sex was better than relationship sex.
And she had to admit it, when it came to getting down and dirty with Sam...so far, so good.
Turning around she started walking towards the bed, and as the first song began to play, her face broke into a huge grin and she almost laughed out loud at Nick's choice in music. He really was such a nerd, she mused somewhat fondly and with that thought circling her brain, she considered the CD, briefly wondering if playing it while with another man was really the best idea.
Pondering this, Jess chewed on her lip again, stopping at the bed, she looked down at Sam, trying her hardest to match his seductive smile with a sultry one of her own. Shuffling even closer, her knees brushed up against the mattress and as she paused for a moment, he quirked a brow, looking up at her lazily and blatantly taking in the sight of her. As she shifted from one foot to the other, he licked his lips slowly running his tongue along the length of his full bottom lip and back again. She tried not to flinch at the sight, uncertain why it caused her to feel apprehensive rather than excited. Up until a couple of days ago, that simple action would have made her jump on the bed and throw herself at him, demanding he do a number of wonderful and delicious things to her body.
But now...now she couldn't help but just feel dirty and maybe just the slightest bit used, which was silly because she was an equal player in this game, using him just as much as he was her.
Telling herself to get it together, she peered down at him, expecting her brain to short-circuit when his hand reached up and began rubbing the back of her thigh slowly, tracing tiny circles into her skin. Instead, she found herself squinting slightly, because she couldn't remember what color eyes he had, and suddenly this bothered her. She had slept with him a handful of times and she didn't even know if they were brown or blue, green or gray. Disturbed by this revelation, she went to ask him what color they were but just as her mouth opened to spill out the question, he reached up and grabbed her hand, yanking her down towards him.
"Come here." He whispered softly and she fell onto the bed, her breath whooshing out of her as she landed on the soft mattress. He shifted slightly, and in the blink of an eye he was hovering over her, the warmth of his body covering hers.
Most coherent thoughts flew from her brain as his lips descended towards her slowly, drawing out the moment, causing her to anticipate the contact. But it wasn't the feel of his mouth covering hers that caused Jess to whimper slightly, it was the one word that flashed in her head, as his tongue sought entrance to her mouth.
Brown.
Nick had the deepest, darkest, most intense brown eyes she had ever seen; his eye color was one that she would never forget.
Eyes widening, she moaned into Sam's mouth and shook her head slightly, trying rid herself of unwanted thoughts about her roommate. What was she doing? She shouldn't...couldn't be focusing on the eye color of the infuriating man across the hall. Suddenly angry with herself and with Nick, she gave herself over to the kiss, trying to bring herself back into the moment, attempting to match the pace that Sam had set.
As she reached up to wind her arms around his neck, he grabbed them and pinned them to the bed, looking down at her with those eyes, those stupid, stupid colorless eyes.
"When we're done I want you to immediately turn this off." He told her, his body pressing into hers.
"Yes" She whispered, nodding quickly.
He couldn't talk; she needed him to just not talk. Stretching her neck up, Jess kissed him, needing to silence him before he attempted to speak again. She didn't want to think too hard about why she suddenly couldn't stand the sound; she didn't want to focus on that stupid little voice in her brain that was annoyingly asking her if maybe Sam's voice wasn't gravelly enough for her liking, wasn't familiar enough for her taste. No, she wouldn't focus on that, instead she only allowed herself to acknowledge that she couldn't stand to hear him speak at the moment, and with that, she refused to look any further into it.
As Sam deepened the kiss, luring her into a sensual dance of tongues,Jess tried to give herself over to the sensation of a man laying on top of her, with his mouth against hers, his hands skimming down her body and the weight of his frame hovering solidly over her. She forced herself to relax a bit, knowing that pleasurable and wonderful things were in store for the both of them.
When he began to work his way down her body, she swallowed and waited for the butterflies that usually fluttered around in her stomach during intimate moments such as this. But apparently the butterflies were sleeping tonight, because there was no rush of excitement in her body, and her blood was barely humming in anticipation of the hot sex she knew she was about to have. If anything, the voice inside her head was yawning tiredly, asking if she was done yet, reminding her that she still had last week's Walking Dead episode to watch.
Sitting back on his heels, Sam looked down at her hungrily; a wolfish smile plastered across his face.
And she felt nothing...only that damned sinking feeling.
"God you're so hot, so so hot. And I'm gonna make you feel so good baby." His white teeth flashed as his smile widened and he purred the words softly while moving down her body and lowering his head to her.
Jess rolled her eyes at the line, thinking about how she and Nick would probably share a good chuckle at that, and realizing that he had invaded her thoughts again, she winced.
Damn him.
Focus, she told herself angrily, and almost reluctantly, forced herself to pay closer attention to Sam's mouth as it crept up her calf. FOCUS! She hissed again internally as her thoughts began to drift dangerously in the direction of a certain someone else. Closing her eyes tight, she tried to push her annoyingly grumpy roommate as far from her mind as possible, vaguely aware that the idea of not thinking of him seemed a bit silly with his CD blasting in the background. And as the track changed and one of his handpicked songs started playing again, an inappropriate giggle bubbled up in her throat as she realized that yes, it was damned near impossible not to let her thoughts drift that way. Torn between amusement and anger, she scowled up at the ceiling, vaguely aware of Sam as he continued to work his way up her body.
Damn Nick for being her fluffer.
And more importantly, damn him for admitting that he was attracted to her.
Oh, of course she had always suspected it, with the tension and the chemistry always simmering between them, how could she not wonder if he felt it too...that constant pull.
But damn him for bringing it to light.
Sam's fingers began to play with the rim of her underwear snapping her attention back to the man she was actually with, and realizing that Nick was still very much on her mind, she debated stopping him for a moment. She should probably turn the CD off before things really got heated. Obviously Nick's Sexy Mix might not be the best idea tonight; but as Sam's fingers dipped lower, and his body shifted slightly, she let out a little whimper and shrugging, figured that Nicholas Miller would soon be far from her thoughts.
After all, she knew from experience that the man she was currently with, was very very talented in the bedroom.
But when Sam's freshly shaven face brushed against the smooth skin of her thigh, she couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like if just a little bit of scruff was scratching her, she couldn't help but consider whether it would annoy her, or turn her on. The ever-present small voice inside her head told her that she would like it, whispering to her that it would excite her, that it would make her feel feminine and delicate, and she bit her lip at the thought, because deep down she knew it was right.
Shaking her head, she tried to bring her focus back to Sam, because really, he was doing incredible and delicious things with his talented and knowing tongue and deserved her undivided attention.
Sighing, Jess kept her eyes shut tight, unable to help the small moan that escaped her lips as large baby soft hands skimmed their way up her body, before coming to a halt and resting intimately against her. Slowly, Sam made his way up the length of her, leaving a trail of kisses along the way and when he began to kiss her neck, letting his tongue slide leisurely over her skin, she whimpered, noticing when his hands began to move once more against her. And just when she felt as if she was on the brink of forgetting about a dark-eyed, scruffy faced, certain someone, she found herself focusing on Sam's hands, and how soft they were. They were so unlike Nick's hands, which were large and rough, with calluses on his palms from lifting kegs at the bar and doing handy-man projects around the loft. As she considered Sam's smooth hands, she couldn't help but wonder if he ever did any hard labor, or if he simply hired someone to do it for him.
Personally she'd prefer a man who didn't mind getting his hands dirty.
Like Nick.
Feeling slightly defeated, she let out a small groan, and as Sam's fingers continued to play across her skin, she wondered if maybe it wasn't so bad if she pretended they were rough. And maybe it was no big deal if she imagined his eyes were a dark brown and his face was scratchy with a day old beard.
No one would know her secret.
It was with new-found vigor that she began to appreciate Sam's tongue against her neck, and his fingers against her skin; slowly she began to run her hands down the length of his body, pulling him closer, she indulged herself in a secret fantasy. Allowing herself to pretend, just for tonight, that she was in the arms of the man across the hall, she felt her body react immediately and her blood began to hum and her limbs began to tingle.
As Sam wedged a knee between her thighs and sucked on the sensitive spot just below her ear she moaned softly, dimly wondering if Nick would say soft words to her and whisper sweet things into her ear.
"God Jess I'm gonna make you-"
"Shut up." She said, her voice coming out hoarse as her fantasy threatened to fade with the sound of his voice.
She could feel the curve of his lips against the skin of her neck, and for a second she wondered if he was smiling at her, if he thought she was being funny. She couldn't help but wonder if maybe sex with Nick would be fun, maybe they would laugh and tease one another while slowly exploring each others bodies, or maybe it would be intense, with no words needed, as months of tension poured out of them as they took each other fast, swept up in the moment of finally coming together. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she tried to once again imagine that the man on top of her just so happened to share the same dark looks, rough voice, and crazy personality as her grumpy roommate.
And as Sam moved his hands across her hips inching intimately closer to her sensitive bud of nerves, her hands fisted in his shirt and her body shifted up towards his; taking this as encouragement, his mouth latched onto her neck again, shooting pleasure down to her toes.
"Nick." She gasped, as he lightly sucked her skin, and as her voice echoed throughout the room, her eyes shot open and her body stilled.
Almost immediately Sam lifted his head from her and she could feel her entire body heat with a hot blush as he peered down at her.
"Did...did you just say another dude's name?" He asked, his voice betraying no emotion, just the slightest bit of curiosity.
"Um yes...I mean no...I mean maybe...err yes. I'm sorry. Oh God." Jess sat up quickly, brushing him off her, she barely paid attention to the groan of protest he made as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. Placing her elbows on her knees, she rested her head in her hands, shaking it slowly.
What the hell had she been thinking?
"Jess I'm not mad, I mean it's just sex...maybe I'm a little insulted, but it's not like I...I care about you or anything...so you know it's all good."
"Oh God." She whispered again.
"I mean I like you." Sam amended quickly, obviously realizing that his words sounded slightly cruel...even given their agreed upon relationship. "But we aren't like...together you know. If there's some other dude on your mind while we're doing it, then okay I guess...no big deal, as long as we are getting it on then I'm good. And I can guarantee that you won't be thinking of anyone else by the time I-"
"Kill me." She said softly to herself, cutting Sam off, as his words resonated in her brain. Glancing up at him she gave him a tight smile, blushing again as they made eye contact. "I think you should leave Sam."
"Why?" He asked, clearly baffled by her request.
She almost chuckled at his blank expression, and for a brief moment, she felt slightly sorry for him, he was so clueless. "Because…you just should. Trust me."
He stared at her for a moment, and suddenly a look of understanding crossed his face. "Ohhh. Are you getting close to that time of the month?"
"Oh God."
As an annoyed scowl crossed her features, Sam jumped up quickly and looked around the room for his coat, obviously making up his mind that indeed she was "getting close to that time of the month" and suddenly in a hurry to leave.
"Okay if that's the case...you can count me out." He told her, finding his coat and picking it up off the floor.
Not wanting to argue with him for fear that he would decide to stay, Jess relaxed her features, smoothing them into what she hoped was a look of appreciation. Simply nodding at him, she watched as he shrugged into his leather jacket, his movements hurried and somewhat frantic.
"Sorry." Was all she could manage as he headed towards her door.
He nodded at her absently, seemingly undisturbed by the turn of events, only desperate to leave. "Nah it's cool. I'll text you later."
"Kay." She whispered, watching as he shut the door behind him.
Sitting in her room she glanced over at the CD player, smirking slightly as a new song played. She wanted to feel more embarrassed by what happened with Sam, she wished that she was a bit more upset that he hadn't seemed the slightest bit bothered when she had whispered another man's name. However try as she might, she couldn't muster the emotions, instead she just acknowledged that the whole thing had been weird...just flat out weird; her fantasy about Nick and Sam's unlikely reaction to it...weird. Standing up, she walked over and stopped the CD, absently wondering how long she would keep up this silly charade with Sam.
Deciding tonight wasn't the night to figure it out, she headed for her door, figuring she might as well wash up and prepare herself for a night on the couch, catching up on her DVR'd episodes of The Walking Dead.
Alone.
It was only a little while later, when she found herself in her most comfortable pair of pajamas, face freshly scrubbed, sitting on the couch, with her hands covering her eyes, that she acknowledged that maybe watching a show about man-eating zombies, by herself, wasn't the smartest idea she's ever had.
"Jess are you serious?"
She screamed at the sound of his voice, grabbing a pillow and throwing it blindly in the process. Peeking up, she saw Nick standing a few feet away, a book in hand and a smug turtle-face playing across his dark features.
"A pillow…really that's what you're going with in the event that a zombie is attacking you?"
"Shut up!" She screamed a bit shrilly as her heart nearly pounded out of her chest and her pulse raced in fear. "Nick! I told you not to sneak up on me when I'm watching this show!"
"I didn't sneak up on you." He stated his tone defensive.
"I didn't hear you, so yes you snuck up on me." She argued, just as defensively.
He merely raised an eyebrow at that, and turning from her, walked into the kitchen. Listening to him rummage around in there, she settled back into the couch and trying to calm her fast beating heart, took in a few slow and deep breaths. Grabbing the remote, she paused the show, wondering if maybe she should wait until morning to finish it.
"Here. I know you're a nervous eater"
Looking up, Jess saw Nick standing over her, a pint of Ben and Jerry's in one hand and a beer in the other.
"Which one is for me?" She asked, feeling a smile light her face and something tug at her heart as she eagerly reached for the ice cream.
Chuckling, he shook his head, his eyes glittering with amusement as he looked down at her. "Sam gone?" The question was asked casually, followed with a quick swig of his beer, but Jess couldn't help but wonder if she detected the slightest trace of bitterness laced in his voice.
"Ugh yeah…he wasn't feeling well, so he left before things got hot and heavy." She lied awkwardly, unsure why she felt the need to let him know that things hadn't gone too far with her casual sex partner that night.
He nodded at that and his eyes lowered to the floor; suddenly he appeared deep in thought, as if he was carefully contemplating his next words. She waited for him to speak, curious about his thoughts, wondering if he was glad that Sam was gone...or worse if he didn't care at all.
"Too bad." He said simply in a quiet voice.
"Yeah." She said just as quietly. Opening her ice cream, she dipped her spoon into it and taking a bite, studied the rich chocolate swirls as she savored the sweet taste. A heavy silence hung between them and she hated how uncertain she felt. It wasn't supposed to be like this with him. Why was it like this with him? Licking her lips nervously, she wished she had something else to say.
"Well, I think I'm gonna hit the sack."
She glanced up at him, forcing a smile on her face but unable to stop the disappointment that crept up on her. She wished he would stay with her, but instead of asking him to, she took another bite of ice cream and nodded as if she felt his decision to abandon her while man-eating zombies were quite possibly on the loose, was the right one to make.
"Yeah, of course…umm thanks for this." She said lifting the pint, sincerely hoping she didn't sound too disappointed that he was leaving.
Grinning at her, he raised his beer bottle, acknowledging her thanks, and without another word, walked in the direction of his room.
Taking another bite of ice cream she smiled sadly, wondering why tears were suddenly threatening her eyes. And feeling silly for the regret that lurked in her gut, she placed the ice cream on the coffee table with a bit more force than necessary. Staring blankly at the paused TV screen, she blinked back the burning feeling in her eyes, figuring that it was probably in her best interest to go to bed.
"Alright, alright, quit looking so pitiful, I'll watch the stupid show with you."
Jumping slightly, she looked up quickly, feeling her heartbeat pick up in pace. Dimly she was aware that this time around the pounding of her heart had nothing to do with the zombies on TV or the monsters she feared were lurking around the corner. Instead it was the result of the man who was walking towards her with dark eyes and a gentle smile on his face.
"Scoot over." He said, sitting down next to her, causing her to almost jump away at the slight brush of his arm against hers.
"I…umm you don't have to." She said her voice coming out soft and slightly husky.
Nick laughed at that. "Okay Jess, and risk having you come into my room and wake me up, whining about how zombies are going to attack the loft at any minute? No thanks, I'd rather just watch The Walking Dead now, and hope that you fall asleep halfway into it...like you always do."
"I don't always fall asleep." She mumbled stubbornly, unable to help the small smile that graced her lips as she settled next to him.
"Right." He mused and picking up the remote, he pressed play, smirking smugly as she immediately jumped at the sight of the "walker" on TV.
And when she whimpered at a particularly gruesome scene, he shifted closer to her with a raspy laugh, and suddenly the sleepy butterflies in her stomach that had been dozing soundly when she had been with Sam, came fluttering to life, causing her to breathe in sharply. If he noticed the change in her breathing, he didn't say anything, instead he reached over and grabbed the blanket that was balled up on the couch next to her, tucking it around them with gentle hands. As his palms brushed against the bare skin of her arm, she noted with some misplaced sense of satisfaction that they were indeed callused.
Of course, like he had called, halfway through the show, her head slowly started to drop towards his shoulder and as he moved again so that she could lean more comfortably against him, she couldn't help the soft sigh of contentment that escaped her lips.
When his arm came up around her shoulders, she smiled sleepily.
He was such a good friend sometimes.
Most of the time.
All of the time.
And really that's what they were…just two people who wanted to be friends.
But were sometimes attracted to each other.
Or most likely...always attracted to each other.
It was with that lingering thought that she finally gave herself over to the warmth of his body, allowing her embarrassing night with Sam to fade away as she drifted to sleep, vaguely aware of his hands softly playing with the ends of her hair as she did.
End.