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To say that Luigi was pissed off would be an understatement. The brothers had recently visited their family in Brooklyn, which quickly turned into "Criticize Luigi and his life choices day."
He knew his family wished he could be more like Mario, even if they never actually said it out loud. It made him feel like, no matter what he did, he'd never be good enough for them. Luigi loved his family, but he wished they'd all just accept that he and Mario were two completely different people. They both had different likes and dislikes. Mario was the adventurer, and Luigi was the gardener. He didn't want the pressure that came with being a hero. Having a quiet life in a small home was all he needed to be happy.
When the brothers made it back to the Mushroom Kingdom, Luigi was feeling drained, both physically and emotionally. All he wanted to do was lay in his bed with a good book and forget today even happened. But luck was not on the man's side, apparently.
They had barely been home for twenty minutes when the alarm sounded. Mario looked out the window of their cottage to see Bowser's airship rapidly advancing towards Peach's castle.
"Come on, Lu! We gotta save the princess!" Mario said before bolting out the door.
"But Marioooo...We just got back!" Luigi groaned, setting his book down and starting on his boots.
These moments used to frighten the man, but as the years went by, they became more of a nuisance. He knew Bowser wouldn't actually hurt the princess, so the urgency around these rescues had kind of faded. But Luigi was not in the mood to deal with the Koopa's gloating today. Despite his low social battery, he quickly tied his boots and followed Mario to Bowser's castle. The scene was...actually kind of boring. It was the same thing every time. Bowser was sitting on his throne with the same confident smirk while Peach dangled "Helplessly" in a cage over a pit of lava. Luigi actually made it first this time because Mario was busy fighting Junior in another part of the castle.
"Well, well, well..." Bowser chuckled evilly. "If it isn't Mari-...Wait."
The king paused, his eyes scrutinizing the green human.
"Oh...it's just Green Mario."
Bowser sat back on his throne, completely disregarding the human's presence. Luigi, however, could feel his blood boiling. Normally, the nicknames wouldn't bother him. He was used to being in Mario's shadow. He was used to being the forgotten brother. Bowser always called him "Greenie" or "Greenstache." It wasn't a new thing. But Luigi was beyond done with this day. He just wanted to take a damn nap! But instead, he had to deal with Bowser's bullshit, again. The least he could do was remember his name! Something inside him snapped at that moment. He was going to make Bowser remember his name whether he wanted to or not.
"THAT'S IT!" Luigi roared, advancing on the startled Koopa king. The human grabbed the king's horn and pulled him off of the throne. Bowser was now on both knees in front of Luigi. The man leaned in close to the Koopa's face.
"Listen, you! I have a name! It's not "Greenie" or "Greenstache," and it sure as fuck isn't "Green Mario!" The human's eyes bored into Bowser's. "It's Luigi! Fucking Luigi!"
Bowser just stared at the angry human. He'd never seen this type of fire from him before. Luigi relinquished his hold on Bowser's horn, but the Koopa didn't dare move.
"Say it," Luigi said in a low, threatening voice.
"L-Luigi."
"Louder!"
"Luigi!"
"LOUDER!"
"LUIGI!"
"No one is going to want to marry you if you can't even remember their name! So for the final, fatherfucking time, SAY IT LOUDER!"
"LUIGIII!"
The human caught his breath, letting the rest of his anger seep from his body. Eventually, Luigi came back to reality, realizing that Bowser might roast him alive for speaking to him like that. He stepped back a little from the king, who was slowly rising to his feet, never taking his eyes off the man. Well, this was it. At least Luigi would die knowing that he stood up to Bowser in his final moments.
"No one has ever spoken to me that way." The king growled, stepping towards Luigi. "I should kill you right where you stand."
Luigi couldn't even form words, too scared to even try to stutter an apology. Peach, who'd silently watched the whole interaction, quickly averted her eyes so she wouldn't have to witness her friend's death. Bowser roughly grabbed the human by his collar, hoisting him up so that they were now face to face. Luigi stared into the king's red eyes, trying to gauge what he was thinking. But before he could decipher anything, Bowser smashed their lips together. The human was shocked at first, but melted into the kiss, his hands wrapping around Bowser's neck. Soon their tongues were wrestling each other for dominance, both men forgetting the princess was in the room. However, the need for oxygen could no longer be ignored. The two pulled away, panting as they caught their breath. They stared into each other's eyes.
"Damn, Luigi...I've never seen you get mad before."
"B-Bowser...I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that."
"Shhh.." Bowser put a finger to Luigi's lips. "It's okay, you're cute when you're angry."
Luigi's face turned scarlet. Something about Bowser's voice saying he was cute sent shivers down his spine. Suddenly, the Koopa kissed him again. The kiss was slower this time, but just as hungry as their first. Neither noticed Mario as he eventually made it to the throne room.
"What the hell!?"
Bowser and Luigi turned to face the voice and saw Mario standing in the doorway with a shocked expression.
"O-Oh hey Mario, hi, hello." Luigi nervously stuttered.
"Don't you "Hey Mario, hi, hello" me! Why are you kissing Bowser!?"
Luigi desperately tried to come up with a plausible excuse, but the Koopa moved first, releasing Peach from her cage and placing her next to Mario.
"Take her," Bowser growled before turning his attention back to Luigi. "I found someone better..."
The king resumed his make-out session with Luigi, gesturing the others to leave with a wave of his hand.
"B-But Luigi!" Mario started, wanting to get his brother out of Bowser's grasp. Peach stopped him from going any further.
"I...think we should leave them be, Mario. Luigi doesn't seem to be in any danger...at the moment."
The two left Bowser's castle and returned home. Luigi eventually returned as well. His hair was messed up, and he was wearing one of Bowser's oversized shirts, but otherwise seemed content. Mario wanted to question his brother but ultimately decided against it. He inwardly shuddered just thinking about what those two had been doing over the last few days. Luigi was on his bed, giggling as he read the note Bowser had given him before he left. It seemed the brash and overconfident Koopa king had a way with words. Luigi held the note to his chest and sighed, wondering when he'd see his king again.