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Mario was not happy. Bowser has somehow convinced his sweet, innocent baby brother to start dating him. And because of their new relationship, he now has to sit there and play nice with the Koopa instead of rearranging his stupid face. It took Luigi weeks to convince Mario that he wasn't being forced into the relationship and that he really loved Bowser. He knew there was nothing he could do to stop them from seeing each other, and he didn't want to do anything that would make Luigi unhappy. However, that didn't mean he couldn't have a bit of fun at Bowser's expense. Mario spent weeks trying to come up with the perfect scheme to make Bowser look like the fool that he is. And one day, he finally came up with a prank so ridiculously brilliant that the overgrown turtle wouldn't know what hit him.
Walking into Bowser's castle without a fight was always a surreal experience for Mario. Luigi had worn Bowser down to the point where he'd allow the brothers to visit each other whenever they wanted. Mario wouldn't even consider letting Luigi live with the Koopa unless he allowed it. He knew that his brother wouldn't be here today, having gone off on his own to fight with King Boo over some mansion. But that was fine. Luigi's presence was not needed for his plan to work. As he approached the throne room, two Koopa guards begrudgingly opened the giant doors and allowed him inside. Bowser was seated on his massive throne, talking with his royal advisor, Kamek. The two went silent when Mario entered the room, looking at him as if he were a stain on their carpet.
"What are you doing in my castle, Shortstack!? Not that it matters since you WEREN'T INVITED!" Bowser's booming voice echoed throughout the throne room. He may tolerate the human's existence, but that didn't mean he wanted to see him...ever.
"No worries, King Bowser," Mario said, putting his hands up. "I come in peace."
The Koopa king huffed steam from his nostrils as he sat back on his throne.
"What do you want, then!?" He growled in annoyance. "And make it quick! I don't have all day!"
A sly smile pulled at Mario's lips. It was time to set his plan into motion.
"I just wanted to know what you were planning on getting Luigi for his birthday."
Bowser sat up straighter in his seat, giving Mario his full attention.
"What!? His birthday!?" he bellowed, turning to face Kamek. "When is Luigi's birthday!?"
"I-I don't know, sire!" Kamek stuttered. "He's never mentioned it before!"
The king growled and turned back to Mario.
"YOU! Tell me when Luigi's birthday is before I reduce you to ashes!"
"It's in two days." Mario lied, knowing damn well that their birthday wasn't for another three months. Bowser would figure that out too...eventually.
"Two days!?" Bowser roared. "KAMEK!"
"Y-Yes, Sire!?"
"Gather the troops! Tell them to drop everything they're doing and start working on a party for Luigi! Tell them it better be perfect, or they'll be thrown in the dungeons until the end of time!"
"B-But Sire! We still need to finish the-..."
"NOW KAMEK!"
"Yes, Sire! R-Right away!" Kamek said, quickly poofing out of the room.
Mario tried to hide his smile as he watched the king stress himself out. It was almost as good as punching his dumb face...almost. It was now time to move to phase two of his plan.
"I'm sorry, Your Majesty." Mario began, gathering all the fake sympathy he could muster. "I just assumed you'd know when your own boyfriend's birthday was."
"We've never talked about it before!" Bowser growled, sitting back on his throne and rubbing his temples. "How am I going to get him a gift in two days?"
Mario allowed the king to stew in his own thoughts for a few minutes before he spoke again, rubbing his chin as he pretended to think.
"Well........There is something you could do."
Bowser shot up from his throne, getting right in Mario's face.
"What!? What is it!? I order you to tell me this instant!?"
"You could get him a-......No, that's dumb."
"NO! What is it!? You gotta tell me, Shortstack! You just gotta!" Bowser pleaded.
Oh, now this was just too perfect. The fearsome king of the Darklands was now reduced to a desperate, groveling mess at Mario's feet. Bowser was on his knees, his hands clasped together as if he were praying. Mario silently wished he had his camera so he could use this for blackmail. But he couldn't worry about that right now. It was time to deal the final blow.
"Well, if you're sure, then I'll tell you."
"Yes!" The king cheered, jumping back to his feet.
"Okay, you know that Luigi loves making pasta dishes, right?" Mario asked.
"Yes, of course!"
"Good, but I'll let you in on a little secret." Mario looked around the room to make sure no one could hear him, and then he whispered, "Luigi hates making pasta from scratch."
Bowser's jaw dropped in shock. "What!? But he said that was his favorite part! Why would he lie about that?"
"Trust me, he hates it. But he also hates waiting for the water to boil and having to make fresh tomato sauce."
The king thought about this new information for a moment. Why would his human look so happy in the kitchen if he really hated it? Maybe Luigi thought that the only way Bowser would keep him around was if he cooked for him and Junior. Maybe he was secretly afraid that Bowser would roast him alive if he refused. That obviously wasn't true, but did Luigi know that? He didn't want the love of his life to feel like a slave in his own home.
"Okay, so what do we do about it?" Bowser asked.
"Well, the human world created a device that cooks the pasta for you in the microwave. You don't even need to be in the kitchen for most of it!" Mario replied excitedly.
"So it just...does all of the work for you? Where can I acquire this device?"
"You know what, big guy?" Mario started, a grin on his face. "You just leave that part to me. I'll go to my world and get the device, and you can present it to Luigi on his birthday."
Bowser mulled the idea over in his mind. Could he really trust Mario, of all people, with this mission? Normally, he'd say no, but this was for Luigi. Surely Mario wouldn't risk screwing his brother over on his birthday. And it's not like Bowser had any other options.
"Alright, shortie. I'm trusting you with this. Thanks...or whatever." Bowser grumbled.
"Of course, Your Majesty."
Mario practically skipped back to Peach's castle. Two days had passed, and he'd just delivered the "present" to Bowser, nearly laughing in the Koopa's face as he did. Luigi was going to hate this gift, and Bowser was set up perfectly to take the fall. Once he was safely inside the castle, Mario collapsed into a fit of laughter. The toads guarding the castle looked at him like he'd suddenly sprouted a second head. Peach heard him and came out to greet the man.
"Mario? What's so funny?" She asked.
"O-Oh, hey, princess," Mario replied as his laughter died down. "You wouldn't get it."
Luigi was having the strangest day. First, Bowser had surprised him with breakfast in bed. While the gesture was very sweet, the addition of a hand-made birthday card from Junior only confused him. Second, the throne room was in a state of pure chaos. Everyone was running around hanging up green streamers and setting up tables with green tablecloths and elaborate centerpieces. Kamek seemed to be the one in charge of organizing whatever event was supposed to happen. The magikoopa looked like he hadn't slept in days as he ordered everyone around, writing notes on a clipboard when he got the chance. Luigi wanted to ask what was happening or if he could help out, but Kamek would use his magic to teleport the human into the garden as soon as he entered the room. He gave up after the third attempt. And lastly, Bowser seemed to be overly excited about something. When Luigi asked, the king simply said that he would "Find out later tonight." The plumber turned scarlet at the implication of whatever that meant and decided not to push the issue.
The part that confused him the most was that his and Mario's birthday wasn't for three more months. He never told anyone in Bowser's castle because it didn't seem like a big deal to him. The king always had a lot on his plate, and he didn't want to burden him with remembering his birthday.
The birthday party went off without a hitch, though. Luigi didn't have the heart to tell anyone that today was not, in fact, his birthday. Everyone worked so hard to get everything ready, so he let them take pride in what they'd accomplished. Once the festivities had concluded, Bowser led the human into the kitchen, making him wear a blindfold the whole way so as not to ruin the surprise.
"No peaking, Greenie," Bowser said, making sure the blindfold was secure and placing a kiss on the human's forehead.
"I won't." Luigi chuckled. "Promise."
He could hear items being arranged on the countertop in front of him, making his curiosity and excitement grow. What could Bowser have gotten him?
"Okay, you can look."
The man did as he was told, removing the blindfold to see a box containing some kind of appliance. Luigi took a closer look at the box and audibly gasped. Within the box was a red-colored microwave pasta cooker. It looked like a tiny red coffin and had little holes drilled into the lid to drain water after the pasta was done cooking. It was an appliance you would use if you didn't have a stove or an encyclopedia of Italian recipes that were passed down from generation to generation in your brain, as Luigi did. He'd seen the thing in television commercials before but never dared to bring one into his house. His family would've disowned him on the spot. Next to it was a box of store-bought spaghetti noodles that were already cut in half!? What kind of deranged psychopath do you have to be to break pasta!? Moving on from the box of pasta, he saw a lifeless can of tomato sauce.
Luigi couldn't form the words necessary to describe his feelings about the gift. He was pretty sure his mother would've fainted if she saw it. Bowser, on the other hand, stood next to his gift with a prideful grin on his face.
"I see my amazing gift has rendered you speechless," Bowser said, puffing his chest out with pride. He was so crushing this birthday.
"Wow..." Luigi finally croaked out. "It's....uhh..."
"Cool, right!?" Bowser interjected. "Now you don't have to spend time preparing everything! You won't even have to make the dough anymore!"
But that was Luigi's favorite part! He loved making everything from scratch. Being able to see people enjoying the fruits of his labor was the best part of cooking for him. Cooking was his love language! But as much as he wanted to hate it, he still thought it was sweet that Bowser had gone out of his way to do this for him. The Koopa was eagerly awaiting his reaction, so he put on the best smile he could muster and decided to humor the king. He just hoped Mario wouldn't find out.
"I love it! Thank you, Amore mio ." Luigi said, standing on his toes to kiss Bowser's cheek.
"You're welcome, Luigi. Happy birthday." Bowser replied, giving the plumber a kiss of his own. "Now, how do we use this thing?"
Half an hour later, the family was seated at the dining room table. Each was staring at their plates of spaghetti with mixed emotions. Bowser was staring at his like he was analyzing it, trying to find exactly where it had all gone wrong. Luigi knew exactly what had gone wrong, but didn't want Bowser to think that he hated his gift. Since it was done in the microwave, Luigi couldn't periodically stir the pasta as it cooked, leading to a good portion of it sticking together and forming what was essentially a brick of crunchy, undercooked pasta. The noodles that did manage to escape this fate were horrendously overcooked and mushy. The whole thing turned into a carbohydrate massacre, a starchy tragedy the likes of which Luigi had never seen before. Junior tentatively poked the mound on the plate with his fork.
"Umm...Papa Weej?" Junior asked quietly
"Yes, Piccolo?"
"Is this like a...new recipe?"
Bowser and Luigi shared a look.
"Yeah," Luigi answered. "You could say that."
"Maybe we did something wrong," Bowser said, still staring at his plate.
"We did everything the way the instructions said to," Luigi responded, looking over the booklet that came in the box. "Maybe I should've taken it out and stirred it."
"This is the last time I entertain gift ideas from Mario." Bowser huffed, crossing his arms and sitting back in his chair.
"Wait..." Luigi snapped his head up to look at Bowser. "This was Mario's idea?"
"Yeah, why?" Bowser asked.
Everything was starting to make more sense.
"Bowser, what exactly did Mario tell you?"
The king recounted the day Mario came to his castle. Luigi could feel his irritation growing as Bowser continued the story. He thought Mario had accepted their relationship and agreed to be nice to Bowser, but apparently, he was wrong. Honestly, the whole thing was genius on Mario's part. Get Bowser to give his boyfriend a gift he'd definitely hate and watch it blow up in his face. If the same had happened to Mario, Luigi would be laughing hysterically at his brother.
"Quel figlio di puttana!" Luigi cursed once Bowser had finished. "Mario is pulling a prank on you."
"What!?" Bowser roared, eyes glowing red with rage. "I'll tear that little man to pieces!"
"Yeah! Get him, Papa!" Junior cheered.
Before Bowser could leave the dining room, Luigi blocked the door.
"Wait! I have a better idea," he said as a mischievous grin spread on his face.
One Week Later...
Mario awoke bright and early like he always did. He went to silence his blaring alarm clock when a piece of paper caught his attention. It had been neatly folded and left on his bedside table. Mario silenced the alarm and sat up in his bed, carefully unfolding the small paper. It was a note from Luigi.
Mario,
Hey bro, that was a good prank you pulled on Bowser. Honestly, some of your best work. But I can't help but feel like you were left out of the birthday festivities. And since we both share the same birthday, I thought it was only fitting that we leave you a special gift. Don't worry, you'll know when you see it.
-Luigi
PS: The pink should only last for about three months :)
Mario read over the letter multiple times, trying to make sense of it. He'd been expecting some form of retaliation for the stunt he pulled, but the fact that Luigi was involved caused him to worry. His brother could be downright sinister when provoked. He decided to take a quick shower, using the shampoo to clean his hair and mustache. The bottle was suspiciously open when he found it, but he chalked it up to his own forgetfulness and continued his routine. He turned off the water and exited the shower, grabbing his red towel off of the rack and drying himself. Wiping the fog from the mirror, he went to groom his mustache when he noticed something was wrong. Mario rubbed his eyes, hoping that his eyes were just playing tricks on him. He stood back and stared at his reflection, horrified at the sight that greeted him. Every single follicle on his head and mustache had turned the most vibrant shade of hot pink.
"AHH!" He shrieked.
Mario rubbed his hair down with the towel again as if it would magically fix the problem. When that strategy failed, he wrapped the towel around his waist and quickly made his way back to his room, thanking the stars that Luigi wasn't here to see him. Mario took several deep breaths to calm himself down. Whatever happened to his hair was fixable. He just had to relax. He couldn't do anything about this situation while only wearing a towel. But when he opened his closet, all of his red shirts had been turned pink.
"Oh no...."
Mario turned to his large dresser, opening a drawer to discover all of his overalls had been turned pink as well.
"What the hell!?"
The human was beginning to panic, searching through every article of clothing he had. Everything from his socks to his underwear was pink. Even his signature hat couldn't escape the mystery villain's wrath. It was then that he heard a roaring sound coming from outside the house. Mario looked outside to see Bowser and his young son, rolling on the grass and clutching their stomachs in boisterous laughter. Luigi stood there as well, staring up at his now pink brother with the most confident smirk he'd ever seen. Mario opened his bedroom window.
"Fratello!" He yelled down at his brother. "Did you have to do the mustache!?"
"I just wanted it to match your hair color for once!" Luigi called back up to him, taking out a camera and snapping a picture before Mario could react.
"AH! What're you gonna do with that photo!?"
"Nothing!" Luigi smirked. "As long as you behave yourself!"
With that, the family squeezed back into Junior's clown car and flew home, the two Koopas still in the midst of their laughing fit. Bowser eventually calmed down enough to drape an arm around Luigi and let out a content sigh, feeling proud of what they'd accomplished.
"I should've had you planning my evil schemes," Bowser said. "That was diabolical."
"Well, no one pranks La mia famiglia and gets away with it," Luigi replied, wrapping his arms around the king's midsection.
Once the trio arrived home, Luigi made them all a nice breakfast. After that, they all piled into Junior's game room and played video games together as a family. It was the perfect end to a chaotic week.