Work Text:
Morgana rolled her eyes at the banality of the conversation, even though her brother on the other end couldn’t see it. “Morgana, surely you can step away for a few days. Poise won’t go down the toilet that quickly. Besides, everything shuts down for Christmas anyway,” Arthur said.
“Not everything, brother dear,” she replied.
“Morgana, I hate to play this card, but . . . Father isn’t doing well. The doctors think this could be his last Christmas.”
Morgana was momentarily floored. She and Uther hadn’t gotten along during her formative years—she’d been angry at how he’d treated her mother after their affair. But they’d reconciled after Uni and had become close. Damn Arthur, knowing just what to say to get her to change her mind. “All right. I can stay through Boxing Day. But after that . . .”
“Thank you Morgana. You won’t regret it.”
“I hope not,” she said softly.
“We’ll make it just like it was when we were kids—fun.”
“Sounds nice.” Suddenly she was glad he’d talked her into it. To be free of the stress and deadlines for a few days would be worth it.
“Call me when you’ve made your travel plans, okay?”
“I will.”
“Don’t worry, Morgana. He’s got several months at least.” There was a short pause. “Listen, I’ve got some things to wrap up before I head home. Take care, will you?”
“Of course. Goodbye, Arthur.”
“Goodbye, Morgana.”
Morgana sat at her desk. She had plans to make, but first, May’s issue of the magazine wouldn’t wait forever. So with a glance at the cover shots, she got back to work.
oo0Ô0oo
Morgana sighed as she stared out the train’s window. It had begun showing in London the night before and hadn’t stopped since. But it was worse out here in the countryside where there weren’t as many obstructions. It was beautiful, but cold. And she didn’t enjoy the cold—it was one of the many things that had driven her from Ealdor.
She’d been back only a couple of times after she’d stormed out the door of Sir Uther’s manor twelve years ago. Back then she was desperate to get away from the “tyranny” of her father. And though she didn’t want to admit it, she was also running from something that could have tied her to this village forever. Strong emotions she hadn’t known how to deal with back then and she felt only marginally more prepared to handle now. Arthur had told her that he still lived there, working to help run his mother’s inn.
It had taken her several years to realize how he’d felt about her, even though they’d been around each other a lot. He had been- and still was -her brother’s best friend. They let her hang around with them even though she was a girl. After she’d realized he was in love with her, it hadn’t taken her long to realize she’d fallen for him too.
“Merlin, if we feel this way about each other then we should be together!”
“But Morgana, if we went out, he’d find out and probably kill me. You just don’t date your best friend’s sister!”
She took his hand. “You don’t know that. He might just be happy for us.”
“Who might be happy for you?” Arthur asked as he entered the room. He observed his friend and his sister holding hands. Merlin tried to jerk his hand out of hers but she held tight.
“Arthur, Merlin and I are in love and we want to be together.” Merlin blushed at this.
Arthur looked between the two for a long moment before breaking into a wide grin. “Finally! So what happened that made you figure this out?”
Merlin stood there gaping so Morgana answered. “I finally realized how he’d been looking at me for years and discovered I felt the same way.”
“Good on you.”
“You mean you’re not going to kill me?” Merlin wondered.
Arthur chuckled at that. “Of course not. I trust you and I trust her. In fact, you’re the only one I’d trust with her because I know you’ll treat her like a princess.” He smiled again. “Now, I’m going to go watch some telly so you two can have some alone time.” He looked at Merlin. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Then he winked and left the room, not caring that he’d made Merlin flush again.
“I told you,” Morgana crowed. “Now, where were we?” She took his other hand.
“I think—” was all Merlin got out, because she’d tugged him closer and laid her lips upon his for their first kiss of many.
Morgana smiled as the memory faded. The year they’d been together had been the happiest of her life up til then. He’d helped her get through her disagreements with her father, school-related stress and clashes with Arthur. And everything felt perfect until they chose the universities. She’d chosen the best school for the degree she’d wanted and he’d chosen his for what he wanted. They hadn’t been the same.
“I thought we’d decided to go to Camelot together,” Merlin griped.
“No, you chose Camelot. I said I was thinking about it. But Albion has the best journalism course,” she replied.
“Camelot is the best for hotel management, but they’re hundreds of miles apart!”
“I know. But I’ve got it figured out—we’ll date long distance.”
“Long distance? Morgana, you know that most long-distance relationships fail, right?”
“But Merlin, what we have is something special, something that could really last. Will you give us a chance?”
“I don’t know. I won’t be able to come home much. I’ve got a scholarship but I’ll have to get a job to pay the rest. I don’t think I’ll be able to get away often if I want to keep it.”
“That’s all right. I’ve got money—I’ll come to you.”
“Is that what you’d really want? Morgana, I love you but I can’t see how this is going to work out.”
“Merlin, please,” her eyes were getting wet, “I don’t want to lose you.”
Merlin took her hands and pulled her into an embrace. “We still have all summer to be together. And maybe . . . maybe one of us will change our minds?”
She let him comfort her like that, kissing and cuddling coming after. But she was sure nothing would change. She wouldn’t change her mind. She just had to get as far away as she could, away from Uther and his unrealistic demands on her. Even if it meant losing Merlin.
They’d had a blissful summer together, but when it came time for both of them to go, they hadn’t left together. They parted ways, vowing to write to each other and call as much as possible, but knew it was unlikely they’d be able to keep the relationship alive.
And just like that, she’d let the best thing that ever happened to her die because she wanted something for herself. He must have been too hurt to reach out to her and she didn’t seek him out when she did return. So she built a wall around her heart and let no one in, because if she let down the love of her life, she’d let down anyone else too.
She barely noticed as the train pulled into the station. She collected her bags and disembarked, walking through the station. As she exited out the other side, she saw Arthur waiting in front of the limo. The picture made her roll her eyes, because of course their father would insist on parading her through town in the limo.
Arthur rolled her eye roll and shrugged his shoulders in apology. “This is how rare your visits are, I’m afraid,” he told her.
“You’re not much better.”
“Ah, but I only merit the Bentley.” He frowned as he opened the door for her. “Seriously though, you ought to visit more often.” He got into the car and closed the door behind him.
“You know why I don’t.”
The car began moving. “Morgana, before you broke his heart, you were friends. I know you remember those days. You should—”
“Arthur, don’t make me hit you. If I seek him out, it will be on my own terms, not yours. And I’m not ready to see him again.”
He lifted his hands in surrender. “All right, all right. I’ll just say this—you’re here and Christmas is a time for forgiveness.”
She glared but didn’t say anything else. They spent the rest of the short ride in silence.
oo0Ô0oo
Arthur was nice enough to carry her things up to her childhood bedroom for her. On his way upstairs he whispered, “Father’s in his room and is usually awake this time of day.”
“Thanks,” she whispered back as he disappeared. Then she started up the steps and veered off to the east wing, following in Arthur’s footsteps.
She stopped at Uther’s door and knocked. After she heard a muffled “come in,” she opened the door and stepped inside to see her father sitting at his desk. “Morgana,” he said and stood up to greet her.
“Father.” She rushed over to embrace him. He seemed so much frailer than the last time she’d seen him. She pulled back to look him over and to scold him. “Shouldn’t you be in bed? The doctors—”
“Oh hang the doctors. I should be able to do what I want and you can’t tell me otherwise.”
She smiled at his stubborn pride. “Now I know where I get my backbone from.”
“You always gave me a run for my money.” He wobbled a bit. “Looks like I need to sit again.” He chuckled and she helped him ease into sitting again. “Thank you for coming—I know you’re busy.”
“Not too busy to come see you for Christmas.”
“Come, sit.”
She sat in one of the chairs near the desk. “The foyer looks lovely, by the way.”
“Oh yes. The new housekeeper has done a fantastic job. The greenery everywhere is lovely. Smells wonderful too.”
She smiled. “That it does.”
Uther frowned. “Morgana, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why don’t you visit more often?”
“Dad, you know why.”
“I have an idea, but I want to hear it from you. We stopped fighting years ago.”
“Yes. I guess there are just too many unpleasant memories for me here.”
“You’re not talking about us, are you?”
“No.”
“Morgana, you should go see him.”
She threw her hands into the air. “Really? You too?”
“What?”
“Arthur lectured me on the way here. Dad, it’s all water under the bridge. He’s probably moved on with his life, found someone who wouldn’t ditch him.”
“Morgana . . .”
“He hasn’t,” Arthur’s voice said from the doorway. Morgana turned to glare at him again. He walked over to his sister and sat in the other chair there. “He still lives with his mother, for crying out loud. Does that sound like someone who’s moved on?”
“But he got his degree, yes?”
“Yeah, and he’s taken over day-to-day operations of the inn. But he doesn’t go out much.”
“And you know this how?”
“Because unlike some people, I keep in touch with my friends.”
“Hasn’t he dated? Traveled?”
“Yeah, but it never works out. He blames himself every time. And sure, he’s traveled a little, but not much.”
“I—”
“Okay Arthur, I think that’s enough,” Uther interrupted. “Morgana came here to enjoy time with us, not to dredge up past misgivings. If she wants to reconcile with Merlin, she will.”
“But—”
“Just leave it.” He started coughing but waved off Morgana when she stood to help. He took a sip from the water glass he had there. “Agreed?”
“Fine,” Arthur replied.
“Now, Morgana probably wants some rest after her long train ride.” She nodded. “All right then. Go take a nap or whatever you need and we’ll see you at dinner.”
“Thank you.” She stood and leaned over to kiss Uther’s cheek. “I will.” She turned and left the room.
Morgana walked a few doors down to her room and turned the doorknob. It looked exactly the same as it had the last time she’d been here. A bold red on the wall and black and white everywhere else. There were other splashes of color here and there, and the overall effect was familiar and welcoming. She closed the door behind her and lay face down on the bed, pulling a throw over her. Within a few minutes, she was out like a light.
oo0Ô0oo
She woke to a knock on her door. “Yes?”
The door opened and a dark-skinned head poked inside. “Hello, I’m Gwen, the housekeeper. I’m here to tell you that dinner is ready. She opened the door wider and stepped inside the room.
Morgana took a longer look at her. Aren’t you a little young to be head housekeeper?”
The young woman laughed a bit at that. “I get that a lot. But yes, I suppose I am.”
“So, dinner?”
“Yep, come and get it.” Gwen smiled brightly and led the way out of the room.
They caught up to Arthur helping Uther down the stairs. Morgana went to her father’s other side for further support, and together they got down to the dining room. It looked beautiful with a tree decorated like the one that was in the foyer. “Wow, Gwen, you really did all this?” Morgana asked.
“You should see what she did to the rest of the floor,” Arthur said, smiling over at the housekeeper.
Gwen blushed and ducked her head. “It is what I was hired for.”
Hmm, looks like she has a bit of a crush, Morgana thought. Normally she didn’t mess with others’ love lives, but if Arthur was involved . . . it would be worth it to see him happy. Being home was having a strange effect on her. “Will you sit with us Gwen? Tell me what you’ve done since you’ve been here.”
“Good idea,” Uther chimed in, “sit and eat with us.”
Gwen smiled and graciously accepted. They ate their way through the delicious dishes while Gwen discussed her holiday decorating. Morgana caught both Gwen and Arthur sneaking looks at each other when they thought neither was looking. It was adorable and she decided right then to get them together if at all possible. Gwen would be a good, calming influence on Arthur; he tended to overwork and he could use a reason to remind him to go home.
As she was thinking about this, she didn’t notice Uther, Arthur and Gwen giving each other nonverbal signals. So she was surprised when Gwen swore. “I forgot to pick up a Christmas present for my niece! And I’ll have no time between now and Christmas to go out shopping for it.”
“Hey, maybe Morgana can go get it for you. Unless you have other plans,” Arthur said.
“Um—” Morgana started, but Uther cut her off.
“You can use the Bentley, if you like.”
“Okay, first off, I haven’t said ‘yes’ yet, and second, the Bentley? No thanks.”
Gwen turned to her. “Oh would you please? You can use my car—it’s definitely not a Bentley.” She smiled brightly.
Morgana looked around at the three of them. She highly suspected some sort of conspiracy, but there was no way to prove it yet. “All right then. How old is your niece?”
Gwen got out her keys. “She’s four and is just so precious! She loves anything girly, so just use your best judgment. Thank you!”
Morgana stood. “All right. But I expect spectacular presents from you two.” She pointed at the two men, who nodded. She sighed and picked up the keys while Arthur went for her coat. As he helped her into it, she said, “So Gwen huh?”
“Shh! Don’t let Father hear you say that. He’ll be peeved if I make eyes at her.”
“Why? Because she’s not good enough for you?”
“Morgana, no! Because he’d have to replace another housekeeper.”
She started giggling. “You should ask her out. I don’t think he’d mind, actually.” She’d seen Uther watching the couple as well.
“I don’t know—”
“Think about it.”
“Okay.”
Morgana left then. She found Gwen’s car, got in and began driving back to the town. There was really only one store for the errand she was on, so she drove directly there.
oo0Ô0oo
The store was full of harried local shoppers. Morgana even recognized a few who waved or stopped to chat for a few moments. Eventually she made it to the toy aisles and went down the pink one. After browsing for a while, she chose a lifelike baby doll with a few accessories. One like it had been her favorite toy when she was four.
She wasn’t looking to closely when she left the aisle and bumped into someone. “Oh, excuse me—” she started, before looking up at the person who she’d bumped. No way. It was Merlin, the one person she hadn’t wanted to see.
He looked down at her too surprised to speak for a moment. Then, “Morgana? You’re here? What—?”
He was cut off by a grumbling grandmotherly type who’d had to dodge around the two at the end of the aisle. “Here,” Morgana said, and pulled him across the main aisle to a smaller, unoccupied aisle. “Yes, I’m here. And now, I have to go.”
She made to leave but he caught her wrist. “Wait. Can we talk for a moment? I haven’t seen you in so long.”
She stopped and looked back at him. “What do you want to know?”
“Oh, a lot of things. But let’s start with what brings you to Ealdor?”
“My father. Well, his health really. Arthur told me this might be his last Christmas.”
“Really? I didn’t know that. I mean, we talk, but he didn’t mention anything like that.”
“I guess he wanted to keep it in the family. Look, Merlin,” she made the mistake of looking into his deep blue eyes. That caused her to lose her train of thought for a moment. She shook her head and got back to it. “I’m doing a favor for our housekeeper,” she held up the doll, “and I’d better get back.”
“Oh,” he said, looking disappointed. “I, uh, okay then. Maybe I’ll see you again?”
“I’m only there through Boxing Day.”
“Okay, well good to see you, Morgana.”
“Bye Merlin.” She turned and walked away from him, her heart pounding. Wait, why was her heart pounding? This was crazy! She was over him, long over him, right? Was coming home a huge mistake if a few words and a look wound her up this much? She had to get out of here, and quickly, before she lost any more composure.
She walked to the checkout, paid then left. There was no way she was going to let one man ruin her valuable time with her family. She was the editor-in-chief of a major magazine and she didn’t need a man to validate her. With that thought firmly in mind, she drove home.
oo0Ô0oo
At breakfast the next morning, Morgana, Uther and Arthur discussed the procuring of their family Christmas tree. Three days before Christmas was the traditional day to hike through the snow on their property and seek The One for the family room. They adorned it with a mish-mash of decorations collected over the years, unlike the ones professionally done around the rest of the house. This year it would be just Morgana and Arthur poking around in the woods but they determined to do their job well.
Morgana was walking by the front door on the way back to her room when the doorbell sounded. She opened the door to find . . . Merlin. “What are you doing here?”
He looked at her in surprise. “Arthur didn’t tell you?” She shook her head. “He invited me up here to hunt for a tree. For the inn.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Look, Morgana . . . I know you don’t want to see me for whatever reason, but he really did invite me here. And I’d like to talk to you, so if you could just let me in . . .” Just that second, Arthur walked behind Morgana and Merlin spied him. “Arthur! Hey!”
Arthur stopped mid-stride. “Hey, Merlin, what are you doing out there in the cold? Come in.” Arthur smirked at Morgana, who widened the door opening with a sigh. “Morgana, get your warm things on—we’ve got a tree to find.”
Morgana rolled her eyes and gave Arthur her “I’m-so-not-happy-with-you” look but fetched her coat and boots from the coat closet. Arthur and Merlin chattered away while the former got accoutered for the outdoors. Snow was falling again and the temperature had dropped from the day before. She shuddered but the boys looked excited to get going. She finished and stood there waiting, holding back another sigh.
Arthur finally finished and gave her an odd look. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go.”
They left the house and trotted off to the woods, which weren’t that far away. The boys kept up their chatter and tried to involve Morgana in their conversation. Every time she answered with the fewest words possible. She couldn’t help but think she ought to be more cheerful, but she just couldn’t relax enough. Not with Merlin around, glancing at her every now and then like she was a puzzle he was trying to solve.
She was relieved when Merlin spotted his perfect tree and she and Arthur found one a few minutes later. They took turns swinging their axes at the trees and they came down before long. Morgana carried the axes while the boys each took a tree. When they reached the front of the house, Arthur helped Merlin tie the tree to the top of his car. After they drug the other tree inside, he invited the other man to stay for hot chocolate.
The trio shucked their coats and boots and headed for the kitchen. Arthur unearthed the mugs while Morgana mixed the cocoa. When it was done, they sat at the island and sipped the hot, chocolaty goodness. Morgana felt like it was past time she joined the conversation despite her discomfort. “Don’t you already have a tree for the inn, Merlin?”
He looked surprised that she addressed him. “Yes, we have a few. But this one is for Mum’s rooms. She likes to wait to get hers, just like you do.”
“Oh, that makes sense. How is she doing, by the way?”
“Well you know her—working hard to stay active and fit. She’s slowing down a little, but not much. If she keeps going the way she is, she’ll probably outlive me.” The trio chuckled at this, knowing just how true it was. Hunith was a firecracker and not easily deterred.
They chatted a bit longer. Morgana didn’t notice Arthur and Merlin exchange a look, so it seemed sudden when Arthur excused himself by saying he had a bit of work to do. Morgana panicked a bit at being left alone with Merlin, but he just continued talking about lighthearted topics—about people they both knew, the town gossip and the running of the inn. He eventually got her smiling and laughing and she found herself relaxed in his presence. So she had no warning when he suddenly asked, “Morgana, why don’t you ever visit Ealdor?”
Her mouth fell open a little and she stared into his sincere eyes. Surely he already knew the answer to that? But she had a feeling that he wouldn’t let her wiggle out of this one. “I think you know.”
“No, I don’t. You just don’t come home. At first I thought it was because of Uther, but Arthur told me you’d reconciled. Then I thought it was because your job kept you busy, which I can understand.”
“It does.”
“Arthur told me that too. But he also tells me about exotic holidays you take, so I can’t quite believe that either. So that leaves one possibility—me.” He caught her eyes and for a few long moments, they stared at each other. The emotions she read in his made her duck her head. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
She kept looking down at the counter. “I-I . . .” She swallowed heavily and looked up at him again. He didn’t look angry or upset, just curious and concerned. “Yes. I was- and still am -afraid of seeing you again. I let the best thing in my life go for selfish reasons. You have every right to be angry at me for how I treated you.”
“Morgana, I was upset and confused for a while, true. But when I finally got through that, I realized that it wasn’t all about me. You’ve always had hard things to deal with and I was naïve enough to think I’d solved that for you. But I hadn’t and that was hard to admit. Because I’d have to admit I let you go too.
“So don’t blame yourself. I’m just as much at fault as you are for the way things are now. And I know you probably don’t want a romance entangling your busy life right now, but can we be friends? Like we used to be? I really enjoyed being a trio again—it was almost like old times, searching for the trees and making the hot chocolate.”
“I-I’d like that too, Merlin. Especially now that I know you don’t hate me.”
“As if.”
“That’s kind of you.”
“Will you visit Ealdor more in the future?”
“I can think of two good reasons to come back, so yes, probably.”
Merlin smiled that smile she remembered from years ago—the slow, wide one that showed all his teeth. “Great! Hey, do you want to come over tomorrow and visit Mum? She’d love that, you know. You’re like the daughter she never had.”
“That’s a great idea!”
“Bring Arthur, if you can drag him away from work.”
“I will.”
He got up and set his mug in the sink. “Speaking of Mum, she was expecting me back,” he looked at his watch, “Yikes! An hour ago. Great, now she’ll probably force me to make cookies all by myself.” He pouted and the expression took her breath away.
She recovered enough to say, “Aw, poor Merlin. You love to bake and you know it.”
He sighed dramatically. “You know me so well. But I must be off. See you after lunch tomorrow?”
“I’ll be there.”
With a “goodbye” and a final wave, he left through the kitchen door. Morgana was left to ponder the détente they’d reached—last time they’d been “just friends” their relationship had grown into romance. She really had to guard her heart or she could fall again.
oo0Ô0oo
That evening after dinner, the Pendragons gathered in their family room. Gwen and Arthur- Morgana had already begun her teasing -had dug the decorations out of the attic and brought them downstairs. Arthur put on a cd of Christmas music, and he and Morgana began decorating the tree. Uther gave his two cents on where certain things should go. Before long, the tree looked beautifully imperfect, just the way they liked it.
Right on cue, Gwen brought them hot mulled cider and Morgana turned out the lights. They “ooh-ed” and “ah-ed” and drank the cider while chatting a while longer. Uther finally yawned and stretched, but encouraged them to keep talking. The siblings laughed and hugged their father goodnight as Gwen helped him up to his room.
Arthur turned to his sister. “So you and Merlin talked?”
She ducked her head and smiled. “Ha, I figured your leaving was a clue. So, yes, we talked, and we’re okay now.” Arthur raised an eyebrow. “No, really. In fact, he invited both of us over to the inn tomorrow afternoon to visit with Hunith.”
“Good. I’ll see how work feels in the morning.”
Morgana yawned then. “I guess it’s time for me to get to bed too.” She got up, they exchanged “goodnights” and soon she was in bed, asleep.
That night she dreamed about the time the three of them had an all-out snowball war. They’d built three snow-forts in a triangle then spent time making snowballs. Before long, they were throwing them at each other in wild abandon and laughing their heads off. Arthur went down first, falling back into the snow. Soon after, Morgana aimed one at Merlin’s head and hit him in the eye. He cried out in pain and crumpled to his knees then his back. Morgana dropped her ammunition and ran over to him, asking him if he was all right. He just moaned until she got to him and knelt at his side. Her next question was cut off as he yanked her down on top of him with a “gotcha.” Their eyes met and she had only the slightest hint of what he was going to do before he did it—he lifted his head slightly to press their lips together. She pulled back in shock, looked into his eyes and squashed their lips together again. Arthur’s queries remained unanswered until he ran over, saw them and laughed.
She woke at that point and pressed her fingers to her lips. Of all the things to dream about . . . she opened her eyes to the dark for a minute then closed them and went back to sleep.
oo0Ô0oo
Morgana spent her morning shopping for presents. She’d come to Ealdor with no idea of what to buy her father and brother. But after two days of just being here, feeling the effect this place had on her. Her heart was softening and she didn’t know that she wanted it to stop.
Arthur had spent the morning at Gwen’s service, so by lunchtime he hadn’t gotten any work done. At least none of the type he’d brought from his office. Morgana teased him about falling for Gwen, and to her surprise, he didn’t argue with her. He simply blushed and smiled, saying “we do get along very well.” She laughed and let it go, pleased that he appeared to have found a good woman at last.
As a result, Morgana drove alone to the Ealdor Inn. She remembered to walk around to the back to knock on the door of Hunith and Merlin’s residence. Hunith opened the door with a smile and swept up the younger woman in a hug. “It’s so good to see you!”
Morgana laughed and hugged her back. It really was good to see her substitute mother again. Morgana’s mother had been gone for so long that she only had tiny snatches of memories of her. “Hello Hunith,” she replied, and let the older woman lead her inside.
Merlin also gave her a quick hug, which coated her in flour, since he had it all over his arms. She laughed and threw a handful toward him. That would have started a war if Hunith hadn’t stepped in between them. The incident kicked off an afternoon of joking, baking and decorating the tree Merlin had brought back yesterday. Hunith invited her to stay for dinner, and she gladly accepted.
Of course that’s when the questioning began. Hunith asked Morgana all manner of questions ranging from, “What’s it like to be in charge of a magazine?” to “Are you seeing anyone?”
Merlin looked up a little too quickly at this question; Morgana noticed, but answered anyway. “Not at present. I meet friends for coffee or drinks now and then, but my schedule prevents much more.”
“Do you think that could change anytime soon?”
“Coming back here has made me realize quite a few things, like how important family and friends really are. I need to make time for them, so yes, I hope to change that.”
“Glad to hear it,” Hunith replied, darting a look at her son. Morgana just smiled.
“So Morgana,” Merlin started, “Would you like to join us for another Emrys family tradition?”
“Watching classic Christmas movies?”
“You remember!”
“I remember a lot more than you give me credit for.”
Hunith stood. “Come on you two, what will it be first?”
Merlin and Morgana launched into a friendly debate about films and finally settled on “It’s a Wonderful Life.” They settled on the sofa, with Morgana in the middle. She felt herself relax and enjoy the film and the atmosphere. She could feel the walls around her heart tumbling down, and she didn’t feel like doing anything about it. Merlin and Hunith made it feel so right.
The debate began again at the end of the movie. Hunith laughed and told them she’d leave it up to them because she was going to bed. She kissed the top of Merlin’s head and gave Morgana another hug. “It’s so good to have you here,” she whispered before turning and leaving the room.
Morgana smiled and turned back to Merlin. He looked ready to begin arguing again, but Morgana said, “You know what? I can always watch the classic ‘A Christmas Carol’ at home tomorrow. Let’s watch ‘Scrooged.’”
Merlin looked dumbfounded for a moment before smiling. “Great. Popcorn?”
“Ooh, yes please.”
Merlin made the popcorn and brought it to Morgana. He also grabbed the throw from the back of the sofa and tossed it over her legs. He sat next to her and she spread the throw over both of them after he put the film in the player.
As the movie played, she found herself moving closer and closer to Merlin’s warmth. Eventually she settled right up to him and he seemed not to notice. It felt just like old times, when their trio got together or when she and Merlin had started dating. Sharing blankets and body heat had been second nature by then.
When it ended, Merlin stopped the playback and turned to her. He looked quite surprised at how close they’d gotten but didn’t move away. “Thanks for coming over,” he said softly.
“It’s a shame Arthur couldn’t come too,” she replied.
Confusion washed over his face so briefly that she wondered if she’d really seen it. “Just like old times.”
“Yeah, just like old times.” She found herself leaning closer to him and her eyes sliding closed as she noticed him doing the same. When their lips touched, a spark of something lit off in her chest. She pressed back harder as his hand cupped her face.
The kiss lasted only a moment before he pulled back with a gasp. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean—I wasn’t going to pressure you, and—”
“And that’s my cue to leave,” Morgana finished. She got up and went back to the kitchen for her purse. Merlin followed her and opened his mouth to speak, but she covered it with her hand. “Don’t, Merlin. It happened and we can’t take it back. We were both feeling nostalgic and got carried away. But it can’t work. You’re here and I’m there and we both need to move on.”
Merlin’s head fell. “You’re right, of course. Nostalgia is all it was.”
“Thank you for a nice evening, Merlin. Good night.”
“Good night. Say ‘hello’ to Arthur for me.” He opened the door for her; she nodded and waved before getting in the car and driving back home.
She saved her internal monologue for when she was back home and alone in her room. Why did I let that happen? I don’t want to feel that way about him! It’s too complicated! It’ll never work out! What was I thinking? What was he thinking? It’s Arthur’s fault!
That last thought brought up the reminder that she’d seen Arthur and Gwen snuggling on one of the formal sitting room’s sofas when she came in. At least he can enjoy some romance! I can’t even think about what just happened without freaking out! She focused on her breathing, a part of a stress-relief class she’d taken a couple years ago. Maybe what I really need is a therapist.
She sorted through her thoughts one at a time, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep until she’d gone through them. Okay, the kiss. She’d actually done the snuggling up to him. He hadn’t moved much. So she was feeling something of their old companionship. A fondness for the way things had been. He’d obviously felt the same in the familiar circumstances. So they were both warm and comfortable enough to let certain boundaries slide. That’s how it happened. Not because she was feeling a resurgence of her love for him.
It all made sense now. They’d both gotten too comfortable around each other. It was a good thing she’d ended it when she had. And he’d seemed equally embarrassed as her, apologizing and all that. Just one slipup. And as tomorrow is Christmas Eve, she wouldn’t be seeing him, so there was plenty of time for her to distance herself further from him.
Smiling, she settled into her bed and went to sleep. No dreams bothered her that night.
oo0Ô0oo
Morgana, Arthur and Uther met at breakfast in the morning. “Happy Christmas Eve.” She commented as she sat down to tea, eggs and toast.
“How was your evening?” Arthur asked.
“Probably not as good as yours.” Morgana smirked at him.
Arthur blushed. “Hey!”
“You and Gwen didn’t even notice me when I got home last night.”
Uther’s eyebrow lifted. “Really?”
“It’s true, Dad.”
“Do I need to find a new housekeeper?”
“Dad! We’re not moving that fast,” Arthur argued.
“Maybe Gwen would disagree.”
Gwen entered from the kitchen at that moment. “Maybe I would disagree about what?”
“About how serious you and Arthur are getting,” Morgana replied.
Gwen just blushed and disappeared back into the kitchen. Uther and Morgana laughed for a bit while Arthur fumed. Morgana watched as a sly look came over his face. “Father, I had a thought. Since I missed going to the inn yesterday, I wanted to apologize to Merlin and Hunith. Could I invite them over to dinner tonight?”
Uther looked a bit surprised at this, but appeared to think it over. “You know we usually like to keep Christmas dinner to family, but we haven’t had them over in so long . . . Yes, I think that would be fine.”
“You . . .” Morgana started, but Arthur just smirked.
“Is there a problem, Morgana?”
“Not at all. It will be lovely to have him- them -here.”
“Gwen!” Uther called. Gwen’s head appeared in the doorway. “We’ll have two more for dinner tonight. Make sure the staff knows.”
“Of course Sir Uther.” Gwen disappeared again.
“Arthur,” Uther turned to his son.
“Yes, Father?”
“You can date Gwen, you know. I don’t mind in the slightest.”
“Thank you Dad.”
“And Morgana, whomever you want to date is fine too. Just do date.”
Morgana was floored while Arthur nearly laughed himself right off his chair. She gave him a good shove and he did fall of his chair with a “hey!” Morgana began laughing then.
“Children,” Uther murmured while rolling his eyes. Morgana and Arthur clammed up. “Now, we have several hours to fill. I believe a few holiday movies are in order?”
They both helped Uther up and to the family room where the big-screen television sat. Morgana and Arthur deferred to him for film choices, though he did take recommendations from his progeny. That’s how they ended up watching all three Santa Clause films, cheesy and in-your-face as they were. Gwen wordlessly brought them lunch and took it away when they were done. They barely noticed the hours passing.
Uther looked at the room’s clock when the credits rolled on the last one. He immediately declared that it was time to dress for dinner. Morgana and Arthur helped him to his room then Morgana left to get dressed.
Christmas dinner was always semi-formal. Morgana had brought a deep maroon halter dress, accented at the waist by a belt of interconnected gold leaves. She put her hair up in the back but left a few curled locks hanging at the front to frame her face. A bit of striking makeup and a pair of heels later, and she was on her way down to the dining room again.
She was the first downstairs, so she made good use of the laptop she’d brought with her. But before she could check her e-mail or do anything else, the front doorbell rang. She got up, crossed to the door and opened it.
The faces of Merlin and Hunith Emrys smiled up at her. Morgana didn’t miss the astounded look on Merlin’s face as he looked her over. She just smiled back and widened the door to let them in. Hunith wore a deep green sweater dress. She hugged Morgana as soon as the door closed behind her. Merlin wore a dark blue button-down shirt that brought out his eyes. His charcoal jacket and trousers completed his look. Morgana had to turn away so he couldn’t see her reaction to how fantastic he looked.
She’d just invited them to sit in the sitting room with her when Arthur, supporting Uther, came downstairs. Uther welcomed the guests and invited them to follow him into the dining room.
The table was set festively, with holly and evergreen boughs. Uther sat at the head, Morgana and Arthur at either hand. Hunith sat next to Arthur and Merlin next to Morgana. As they sat down, Merlin whispered, “You look amazing.”
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she whispered back.
Conversation began with Hunith’s inquiry about Uther’s health. From there it flowed to Hunith’s plans for the inn and everyone’s plans for the New Year. The staff brought out the first course and talking slowed while everyone ate.
Morgana noticed Merlin’s eyes dart over to her several times over the course of the meal. When she looked at Hunith or Arthur to see if they noticed, they just smiled enigmatically at her. They were no help. And Uther spread his attention around the table, not dwelling on anyone for too long. When she turned to answer Merlin, he stared into her eyes as if she was the answer to everything he could ask. Her heart began beating a little faster and something fluttered in her stomach. Something that remembered what it was like to kiss this man as a teenager, then like last night. And that made the rest of her body hum.
She made it to dessert course before she couldn’t take the tension any longer. After a few bites, she stood and muttered, “Please excuse me for a moment.” She walked off, intending to take a short break in the family room, looking at the tree or staring out at the falling snow.
Back at the table, all the men had stood in polite deference. Merlin stared at the other two men, who stared back. Finally Arthur uttered a disgusted noise and said, “Well don’t just stand there . . .”
“. . . Go after her!” Uther finished.
Merlin immediately dropped his serviette and darted after Morgana, who was now no longer in view.
Morgana closed the door behind her, kicked off her heels and walked over to the window. She pressed her hand to the cool glass, then her forehead too. She closed her eyes and tried consciously willing her heart to slow, but to no avail. What am I feeling? Is this really happening to me again after all this time? How can I bear it? I’m leaving in two days!
She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn’t hear the door open and close again behind her. Out loud she said, “What should I do?”
Morgana hadn’t expected an answer, but one came in that achingly familiar voice, “Give in.” Her eyes flew open and she turned around to see the source of her ache standing there, hands in his pockets. He took a step closer and said, “That’s what I’ve done.”
Her heart pounding again, she stared at Merlin, wondering. He sounds so sure. But does he mean what I think he means? “To what?”
He took another step toward her. “I think you know, Morgana.” Another step and he was only an arm’s length away from her.
She folded her arms and rubbed them, chilled from standing at the window. He saw this and took off his jacket to put around her shoulders. He remained very close to her after this. “Why?” she wondered.
“Because I never stopped loving you. And I tried to, oh did I try. And coming back here after uni didn’t help. Everywhere reminded me of us. And I tried and tried to date, but they just weren’t you.” He chuckled briefly. “They say you never forget your first love. Now I know it’s true.”
“I can’t think . . .”
“Don’t think, Morgana, just—”
He was cut off as she surged forward and mashed their lips together. To his credit, he recovered quickly and his hands skimmed down to her waist. She slid hers into his hair to hold them together.
Oh yes. She definitely remembered this, but there was something different about it. More mature. She relished it. The thought made her push more forcefully against his hips. He moaned and broke to tilt his head better, but came right back to her lips. After a few more moments, she licked at the seam of his lips—he took the hint and opened his mouth to her. She slid her tongue inside and he panted while she tasted the roof of his mouth. He made another noise and began tangling his tongue with hers.
While they were engaged thus, neither noticed the door open then close again a moment later. They never knew Arthur had poked his head inside to check their expected progress. They also didn’t see him nod and report to the parents in the dining room that “things are going better than we thought.”
The couple had broken apart to catch their breath, pressing their foreheads together. “That—that wasn’t what I meant, but I’ll take it,” Merlin panted.
“What—did you expect?”
“More argument.”
“Why argue when we can—”
This time, Merlin cut Morgana off. He held her face between his hands and angled his face so their lips fit together just so. She held onto his sides for dear life, then reasserted herself by pushing him backward until his legs hit the sofa. She broke away to push him down onto it, then sat on his lap. Planting her hands on his chest, she attacked his mouth again and forced her way inside. He let her in with a groan and slid his hands into her hair. Soon her hair was a wreck, but she couldn’t care less—everything they were doing to each other felt too wonderful.
He brought his hands back to her face and caressed it softly. Then he gently pushed her face away, but only so far that he could rest his forehead on hers again. They were breathing harder than before and it took them longer to catch their breath before either could speak.
“We—should really—talk before this—goes—too much—further,” he finally got out.
“I—suppose,” she agreed.
“I really missed you.”
“I’m sure it’s obvious, but I feel the same.”
“Can we go back to being . . . this?” He gestured between the two of them.
“I—I’d like to.”
“The distance?”
“Now you’re bringing up all my worries.”
He flushed. “I didn’t mean to.”
She put a hand on his face. “It’s okay. By now I’m pretty sure I never stopped loving you. Just buried it underneath all my pain and doubts.”
“I would have waited. I did wait.”
“I know. And I can’t thank you enough for that. I just wish I could make up for all I put you through.”
“Morgana, look at me.” She looked into his eyes. “I didn’t try either, so it’s partly my fault. Can we just say ‘I forgive you’ and go from there?”
“I forgive you,” they said together. Then they smiled like the fools in love that they were.
“So, the distance,” he reminded her.
“Yes. How about this: I have to go back to London anyway. What if I set things up so I can step back from my position, move here and see how things work out between us?”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Merlin, I’m fairly sure you’d do something similar for me. And we both have access to transportation to survive in between.”
He gave her a brief, thankful kiss. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“Oh, I think I do. About as much as it means to me. Being back here has had this effect on me. It makes me crave the things I gave up for what I thought I wanted. Home. Family. Love.” She pressed her lips to his again, sweetly.
“Sounds good to me. Let’s talk.”
So they did. They sat on that sofa in the family room and talked. And kissed. But mostly talked. Morgana explained what she was thinking about doing, and since she was the boss, she could do it. She’d create a position she could work mostly from Ealdor then step aside as editor-in-chief. She thought it would be one of the hardest decisions she’d have to make, but it turned out to be surprisingly easy.
They planned what they’d do once she moved back to Ealdor. She decided to live at home and Merlin would find a place they could live in together once they were married. He was adorably old-fashioned about that, but she respected it. Marriage was also in the cards for sometime in the future, because they realized that as much as they loved each other, they still had several years of catching up to do.
Once they’d gotten all this down, they rejoined the rest of the group; they’d moved to the sitting room and were chatting about this and that. The three sitting there all turned their heads to look at them. Hunith smiled and nodded as she noticed they were hand-in-hand. Uther just raised an eyebrow and smiled. Arthur asked, “Everything all right?”
Merlin and Morgana looked at each other and grinned. “Just fine,” Merlin replied.
The couple sat down and subjected themselves to questions, mostly from Arthur. Everyone was delighted at the news, but grew confused when Morgana said, “This way I can spend your remaining time with you,” to Uther.
Uther, Hunith and Merlin looked at her in puzzlement. “What do you mean?” Uther asked.
Morgana looked at Arthur, who was doing everything humanly possible to not look at her then back at her father. “Aren’t you dying with only a few months to live?”
“No! Who told you that?”
Arthur stood up. “Excuse me, I’ve got to—”
Morgana cut him off. “Arthur.”
Four pairs of eyes looked up at Arthur. “And why did you do that, Arthur?” Uther queried.
The man in question blew out a sigh and sat back down. “To get her to come here.”
“Arthur—” Morgana tried.
“Would you have come if I hadn’t said that?” Morgana looked at the floor but said nothing. “See?” he said to Uther.
“Arthur—” Uther tried.
Arthur cut him off. “But it worked didn’t it? Would the five of us be together right now? Would Merlin and Morgana have reconciled? I don’t think so,” he said smugly.
The others looked at him with various expressions of surprise before Uther started laughing. “Dad, this isn’t funny,” Morgana complained.
“But it is. His ‘evil’ plan worked. Would you be as happy as you are now if you’d stayed in London?”
She looked at Merlin who shrugged. The gesture was so apropos that Morgana began giggling and Arthur joined her. Soon Merlin and Hunith joined them.
That broke the tension in the room and they soon began chatting about the future again.
oo0Ô0oo
Christmas was a beautiful day. Morgana was grateful for all she’d learned and experienced by coming home. The Pendragons spent the day reminiscing about previous Christmases and enjoying the goodies the staff had left behind.
Boxing Day morning found Morgana packing for her trip home. She thought fondly of everything that had happened to her here. When she finished, she went downstairs with her bags and stood waiting in the foyer. Arthur and Uther were there; Uther embraced her for a long while and gave her a few words of wisdom for nurturing long-distance love.
When he finished, Arthur took her bags out to the car and drove her to meet her train. He also got a hug and gave an apology. She forgave him and thanked him—if he hadn’t lied about Uther she wouldn’t have come. And she definitely wouldn’t be as happy as she was now.
Morgana’s colleagues in London were understandably confused about her choices, but respected them. It took her three months to arrange things to her satisfaction, along with packing her flat and seeing it rented again. She returned home with a clear conscience and a happy attitude. She finally had everything she’d ever wanted and was going to enjoy her new life to its fullest. :)